Rethinking Cycles

Every one of us has countless cycles in our lives.  We have the sun, going through a daily and yearly cycle.  The moon has a nightly and monthly cycle.  We have a seasonal cycle, the weekly cycle, our life cycle.

But we also have cycles that many of us go through and don't really think of, and especially don't think of magically.  We have our daily routine, revolving around our job or responsibilities.  This routine is modified by our weekly routine.  We may have days we are busy (work/week days) and days where we have more restful activities.  We may have social obligations on a regular basis (getting together with friends on a Friday night or taking the kids to sports every Wednesday).  If we have children we often have a yearly routine that is molded by summer's off and holidays.

Being a stay at home mom, I tend to think of my days as being somewhat wide open.  Sure I have things to do, but I get to pick when I do them...don't I?  Apparently I'm not that quick on the uptake, because it hit me last night that as much as I do adapt to my ever changing schedule, I've not really embraced it and I definitely haven't worked magically with it.

My son is in middle school, so he is reaching an age of independence.  He gets himself up and off to school.  He sometimes stays after school and doesn't get home until dinner time.  He makes his own breakfast. 

My husband has a very crazy work schedule.  He works 12 hour shifts about three days a week (depending on overtime)...but every 6 weeks he swaps from being on days to working nights.

So what does all this have to do with my personal practice?  Up until yesterday, I didn't really think about it.  I just adjusted things.  Dinner times were moved about depending on when everyone was home.  Even my own sleep schedule differs depending on my husband's work times. 

Each cycle has it's ups and downs.  I know that I benefit from both the busy times and the alone times.  When my husband is on days, I tend to have alone time during the mornings when he works..and almost none on days he is off.  When he is on nights, I get my alone time after my son has gone to bed, and then in the mornings when my husband is sleeping.  During the school year, these times are greater because my son is also gone (or sleeping), but during the summer or extended breaks, my alone times are vastly reduced.

Many times I have tried to build a regular daily practice.  Not that I don't have a daily practice...but the kind of daily practice that a lot of authors and public figures talk about.  Specific times during the day when particular actions are taken.  And every time I try to get into this type of schedule, it fails.  And this is because, for my life and it's cycles, I can't have one set schedule.

It is forcing me to rethink my days.  And I realized that the 6 week day/night flop reflects in some ways the Sabbat cycle.  ((I really can't believe I never made the 6 week connection before))  I kind of like the idea of thinking about this part of my life in a sun/moon focus instead of day/night.  I know that I think and create better when I can be up (and alone) at night.  But I also know that if I need to get things done, especially anything that involves the outside world, that the earlier in the day I can get going, the better (which is doubly frustrating because I am so NOT a morning person...and hardly anything in our town is open before 10am, so early starts don't work so well).

I think that our everyday cycles are just as important as the natural and mystical ones.  If our hearts and souls need to dance within the cycles of the moon and the earth, I think in some ways our bodies need to dance within our mundane cycles.  If we can't get them all to work in harmony, we end up stressed and frazzled.  It is a complex thing, trying to get all of the aspects of our life to work together...like a watch with a million tiny gears.  And trying to assemble a working watch with our own individual parts, by looking at other people's watches just doesn't work.  We have to look at our own pieces, at how they interact, and sort out how to bring them together so the gears don't grind.

Modern Paganism: Still life or interpretive dance?

There is a pretty big precedent in the Pagan community to put a heavy emphasis on the historical authenticity and accuracy of practices.  It often seems like the theory is that if we can keep the line unbroken, if we can practice in the same way as our ancestors, that our practice will somehow be more successful. 

But we aren't our ancestors.  We live in different times, and we have vastly different everyday realities.  Things that were commonplace in years past are not always relevant.  Trying to recreate an ancient practice can lead to frustration and the feeling that you will never get it right, and that until you do get it right, you can't have a working practice.

Let me say this now though:  I don't have any problem with anyone who finds value in recreating ancient practices.  I think that examining the way things were done in the past can bring great value, and if it calls to you to bring those methods into your personal practice, then more power to you.  However, it doesn't work for me, and I don't agree with the idea that just because something is older that it is more valid. 

For me, my personal practice needs to be a living, breathing thing.  It changes, not only as I learn more and expand my horizons, but also it changes as I do, so that it can meet needs that I have developed as I have grown into myself.  It doesn't always step me away from my daily life, but sometimes steps me more deeply into it.

I love the duality of my faith and practices.  It can simultaneously support bring more mystery and wonder into my life, helping me to see the fantastical aspects of the things around me and to take time for that child part of myself, for sacred play and for ecstatic creation.  But it can also help me ground my daily life in spirituality, to focus on the here and now, and protect myself from the stresses and strains of modern life.


I think there is a big gap in a lot of modern Pagan practice.  While there is a lot of information out there on basic areas that are definitely still a part of our lives (love, family, health, personal growth), there is a whole lot that is rarely discussed.  Things like keeping our cars running, protecting our computers from viruses and keeping our identities safe.  We have tools as part of our daily lives that our ancestors didn't...tools that can be incorporated into our spiritual like in the same manner that they incorporated their tools.  If we can use a blade, cup and incense in our practice, why not a blender, coffee pot and air freshener? 

I believe we are at a turning point.  Paganism has been gaining ground and acceptance.  There are still holdouts for sure, people who can't see beyond the blinders of the past and don't understand that our beliefs are just as valid (and life-affirming) as theirs, but we are seeing Paganism depicted in social culture in a positive light more and more often.  I feel we have uncovered so much of the past that it is starting to blend together.  We don't need more 101 books that explain how things are traditionally done...those books are out there for those who are starting out and want the basics.

The question is:  where do we go from here?  Do we continue to look to the past and try to paint all those tiny details in?  Or do we take everything we know about Paganism, everything we know about ourselves, everything we know about our world in this moment....toss it into the air and see what patterns form all around us?  I believe the way forward is through exploring where our religion takes us today going forward into tomorrow.  I am excited to see how it will evolve and what it might become.  My faith isn't static, my religion isn't static and I think that is what makes it wonderful.

Back to the routine

I never truly appreciate how important my regular routine is...until it is interrupted.  The holidays always seem to hit me hard, what with school vacations and all the activities, it seems like an entire month that I can not really get in the rhythm of things. 

It's nothing specific, we don't really do huge things for the holidays, but it is a million little things, some of which don't even make sense.  I am one of those people who likes to sleep, and Hubby tries to let me sleep in whenever he can, so around the holidays, especially when I don't need to wake up to see our son off to school, I get to laze around in bed and get up when I feel like it...which normally means lunch time.  Granted, I tend to stay up later too, but it just seems like the later I sleep in, the less I get done in a day (which is absolutely horrid for me because I am so NOT a morning person!).

And I think I need to develop more selfish tendencies, because when the boys are home (both the older and younger one hehe), I end up timing my day around them instead of just doing the things I want/need to do.  So things like exercise and meditation get pushed around and sometimes neglected.  I think a part of my brain is just wired to 'serve' mode, and if there are other people here, I tend to rotate towards them...and I need to really work on making sure I am taking the time I need.

Luckily, things tend to quiet down after the first of the year.  Son goes back to school, Hubby's work stops doing weird holiday closings (which leaves him home for longer stretches), there is no big influx of things to buy (which of course brings on money stresses)...and things can return to normal.

Many years ago, I stumbled across this spell online, sadly I don't remember where I found it.  It is called the "Back to the Routine" spell, and it is charming.  Here is what I have written down:

"After the winter holidays you may wish to consider your routines.  They're the brick and mortar of life, the things you do on a daily basis.  For a spell to encourage you to get back into your routine, you need a white candle and a plain ring.  Hold the ring, imagining an ordinary day.  Light the candle and say:

Day in and day out;  laugh, cry, whisper, shout
This is what I do;  show me now what is true.

Meditate on what routine means to you and how they improve your magical practice.  Blow out the candle and wear/carry the ring.  During the day, think about what routines you appreciate and which you want to change/give up.  Honor routines for giving your life some necessary structure."

What I think really works here is not only looking at what routines give your life, but also what routines might need improvement.  It is a chance to stop, reflect and change things in your life.  Routines are great tools, they may be hard to get into, but once they are set they follow their own momentum.

Innovation

I found a nifty article the other day:  http://www.adf.org/articles/cosmology/norsewy.html

I am impressed by this on so many levels.  Firstly, I think it gives a lovely workable model for exploring the worlds of Norse cosmology through the wheel of the year.  I find these types of models fascinating.  There are so many levels on which we approach our practice, and finding connections between them are always valuable. 

I also appreciate the fact that they explain their thought process.  I love seeing how people's minds work, and reading about how they worked out what went where and why they felt it worked not only makes the end product more understandable, but it helps show how you could apply the same method to other things.  My practice is very much a fusion of different aspects I have found appealing, and finding ways to weave different practices together into a working whole is always valuable to me.

I think it is interesting to note that this was written, not by a Heathen group, but Druid.  Granted, one of the goals of their group is to find ways to connect the different Indo-European practices so that they can communicate with each other and work together, which I find a very admirable goal. 

But it is something I have noticed before, often inspiration comes from outside the circle it influences.  It is as if people on the inside are afraid to mess with their own practices.  Perhaps that is just my eclectic mind speaking, but innovation of my own practices is pretty high up on my priority list.  It seems like a lot of groups tend to work with whatever method they were taught and never question if that is the best way to do things.

I don't think there is any single best way for everyone, but I do think that questioning how and why we do things, even if it doesn't lead to change at all, strengthens our practice.  Seeing the meaning behind the actions and looking for ways that we can deepen that meaning makes our practice a living, breathing thing that grows with us.

self-forgiveness

I was at a lovely gathering the other day for Day of the Dead, and had a minor part.  As I had gotten the lines a day in advance, and there were only six (and they rhymed, so even better) I decided to memorize.  And of course, I flubbed a little bit.  It's funny, I can recite things flawlessly on my own when it's not important, but in front of a group sometimes I still freeze.

I work very hard to not be shy, but ultimately, when in a social situation, I am very aware of myself.  I dunno if it stems from being on the fringes as a kid, and it just carries over, but especially amongst people I just met or don't know very well, I am pretty self-conscious. 

But back to the Day of the Dead.  If it had been someone else, who had stumbled on their part, I wouldn't have thought any less of them at all.  It occurred to me, looking back (which I do...endlessly if I don't stop myself) that I judge myself way more harshly than I judge anyone else.  I will beat myself up over really inconsequential things...stuff I would never consider giving someone else grief over.

There is a fine line between striving to be the best you can be and really being down on yourself for trivial mistakes.  Obviously, we all want to succeed at everything we set out to do.  Ultimately, there will be little trip ups (and sometimes big failures) along the way.  Don't let it get you down!  Pick yourself up, and move on.  Take a moment to recognize what happened if you like.  But make sure you look at the bigger picture.

At the end of the night, we had an absolutely lovely ritual, and any hiccups in the execution didn't diminish in any way from the beauty of the gathering and the purpose it fulfilled.  I am quite sure that in a month or so, I will probably be the only one who remembers that I stumbled in my part (okay maybe a few others will now that I've rambled about it here *grin).  A year from now, it won't make a difference if I had said it perfectly, forgotten it entirely or said the wrong word (for some reason I kept trying to say winter's end when I would practice, not sure why).

After looking at the big picture, step outside yourself for a moment.  I can't remember where I read it but someone once said that most people are concerned more about themselves than other people.  And I mean that in a good way, not that they don't care about other people, but that five minutes after you embarrass yourself most everyone else will have forgotten (if they were even aware of it in the first place).

Just a quick aside:  there are idiots and bastages out there who live to make other people feel bad.  These people will go out of their way to loudly and publicly mock you for anything they can possibly make up.  They aren't worth the time to respond to, and your real friends won't listen to them anyways, so don't give them the satisfaction of bothering with.

Bottom line is this.  Treat yourself with the love and forgiveness you would treat another.  Let your stumbles, mistakes and down right failures go with a laugh and a smile.  Know that each step you take is a step forward, even if it involves falling flat on your face.  It's never as bad as we think it is.

Inactivity

Today begins my month of madness.  I have been doing National Novel Writing Month for years now (I want to say five, but not certain).  I am crazy enough to have finished every year.  I won't lie, it is hard, and there are definitely days that I don't want to write.  I set my daily goal higher than the minimum...high enough that I can finish 5 days early, or have 5 days to slack off if I end up getting busy with other things.  2000 words a day doesn't sound like that much, or look like that much, but when you are trying to write with a goal in mind, sometimes it seems endless.

What really surprised me the first time I did it, and to a lesser extent every time since, is how having that 2k word goal a day not only pushes me to write, but pushes me to do other things too.  As I have mentioned before, I am a stay at home mom.  There are quite a few days where I really don't have anything specific I have to do.  And this can be problematic for me.  I kind of like having stuff to do, not just stuff I can be busy with, but a focused goal.  Even goals I set for myself can be kind of set aside.  It is easy to make excuses to one's self (though those are the worst excuses to make, trying to pull the wool over your own eyes is an exercise in futility).

I go through periods where nothing seems to appeal.  I will find myself sitting and staring off at nothing, just trying to sort out what I want to do.  I will turn to things that will distract the mind but that don't require much effort, such as TV or reading (what I call easy reading, things that don't require or encourage thought).  Sometimes I can't even get myself motivated enough to do those.

When I have a project to work on, everything else seems to fade away.  I can become consumed, and for me that is a good thing.  It snowballs.  One good project gets my mind fired up, and I seem to run in all directions at once.  It brings it's own struggles, trying to stay focused enough on one thing to get something done can be a challenge.

NaNo (the short way of referring to National Novel Writing Month) was intimidating the first time I thought about it.  Writing 50,000 words in one month.  Even broken down, 2000 words today, it is big.  Part of that scope is what makes it exhilarating.  At the end of my words for the day I feel like I have done something.  If I know I am going to have a busy day, and I push and get my words done, I feel even better. 

And I find that the writing process sparks interest in many other things.  I sometimes have to work to keep at the keyboard and finish my words because I'll get drawn into doing something else.  I leave myself notes (I absolutely love having sticky notes as an application on my computer, there are little notes all over it somedays).  Notes are a tiny extension of lists, of which I am also a huge fan.  Lists help me get things done, and help me remember what I need to do when memory fails me.  Lists help me organize.  And much like breaking NaNo down into bite sized 2k word a day chunks, lists give a sense of accomplishment as each item is checked off and the list finally gets done.

This year I am really challenging myself.  Every other year for NaNo, I have written fiction.  I have written things that let me be crazy and go in whatever direction my mind leads.  I don't judge my NaNo writing.  I have written a novel that was more or less one long dream sequence.  I wrote one that started out to be a vent against people who annoy me and ended up being a kind of random food description.  My vampire novel spent pages exploring crazy technology I dreamed up.  But this year, I am going non-fiction.  I am going to write about my form of modern Paganism, which should prove challenging.  I am always second guessing myself, when I write non-fiction, wanting to include more information, all the why's and how's and all those other questions that swarm around in my brain.  I want things to be perfect, and I never feel like I am explaining myself well.

So here goes, my foray into non-fiction in a crazy month of writing.  Wish me luck!

Tools of Earth

This was the last of the four base element tools that I found.  I have seen some beautiful carved and burnt wooden pentacles that would make lovely earth tools.  Mine is a simple silver-tone coaster.  It doesn't have a pentacle on it at all, but it is flat and round.  I use it mainly as a blessing spot, sort of a small energy nexus on my altar.  If I am making offerings or putting energy into something, it goes on my pentacle.  I guess maybe I should call it a shield.

The first time I read about using a shield for an earth tool I thought it was a bit fantasy roleplaying....not that I have a problem with that, it just seemed a bit contrived to me.  But the more I thought about it, the pentacle is a shield, just not the kind that stops swords (unless they are magic swords!).  The pentacle symbol and tool are often used interchangeably (though most of my pentacle jewelry is blessed towards five elemental balance not just earth).  It is very commonly used as a symbol of protection or warding, much like the magic circle actually. 

I was going to talk about the pentacle symbol and my thoughts on it's meaning in another post, but it kind of fits here, so here we go.  If you think about the pentacle shape, you have the pentagon in the middle, surrounded by the 5 triangles pointing out and finally enclosed in a circle.  I see energy as moving through the pentacle in mainly two ways, in or out.  The star becomes a focus for either sending energy out along the points from the middle or drawing energy in to the center.  Either can be used for shielding or charging, depending on how you want to work things.  If you envision the pentacle as a shield, a 'hit' could be drawn inward and absorbed (neutralized) or spread outward and dissipated.  For blessing or spellwork, you can draw energy in through the points to charge the item in the center or draw energy in through the center (and the item) and then send it out along the pentacle points to do it's work.

When I was writing about water tools, I almost included my mortar and pestle, because a lot of times they are associated with water.  I know people who use them as they would a cauldron.  I don't really.  Mine is an earth tool.  The process of grinding something down to me is a very earth process.  But also, I rarely use it for liquid processes, normally it is dry grinding and mixing only.

I know a lot of people use crystals as earth symbols, and I do sometimes.  I have a small collection I inherited from another witch as well as rocks I have collected over the years (some from as long ago as grade school).  Some I use as symbols of other elements.  I have favorites I use to cast circles with (not just as quarter markers, I actually normally use 12 to mark a circle).  I'm not sure I would consider my stones tools of earth though, because I do use them for such a variety of things.