Own what you like!

Life is short, and there is no reason to shackle yourself with other people's judgements about the things that bring joy into your life!  We live in an amazing, versatile, crazy world, and there is a fan group for about anything you can imagine.  If you like it, odds are someone else does too!

Of course odds are that anything you like, other people will dislike as well.  And if the things you like veer at all from the very well paved and traveled mainstream, you will likely face all kinds of people trying to belittle you or even stop you from enjoying the things you like.  You will almost certainly see more of these people than you do of people who share your interests, and some who agree with you might not speak up, because they are afraid, worried about what everyone else will say if they admit they like the same things.

It's a sad fact that many people seem to derive enjoyment out of tearing other people down.  But it is also a fact that small groups, who are unabashedly claiming the things that make them happy, can create change.  The more society sees a thing, the more likely they are to accept it.  They may never like it, and the more it pushes people's buttons, the more they will push back, but also the more that it will encourage people who agree to join with you.

I also feel that sometimes people draw away from things simply because they don't understand them.  When we don't talk about the things we love, people who aren't familiar with them just don't have any reference for why it is important to us...and joy is important!

And I think that if we treat something like it's shameful, we start to feel bad or guilty about liking it.  Even if it is nothing at all to be ashamed of, it's like we can't fully enjoy it because we always feel like we are sneaking about.

It can be hard to admit you like things, especially if you think you might get a negative reaction.  I've been mocked for just about everything I like, by someone, at one point in my life or another.  Some things are too girly (amusing, as I am female...), some are not girly enough (*sigh).  Some are too WooWoo, some are too dark, some are too violent, some are too explicit.  Many things are on the fringe of this or that or the other. 

But, I think that every time I have become more open, and shared something that I am into, I have found people who are also into it!  And sometimes I have found people who have never admitted liking that thing before, because they thought they were the only one!  I can pretty much promise you...no matter what it is, you are NOT the only one!

I love a lot of things!  I squee out over about anything that features witches or magic (especially if it's really cool magic or non-stereotypical witches).  I am a gamer at my core, and I just am not happy if I am not actively playing some kind of game (something that I am still working on my clinging societal guilt about....), dice make me crazy happy (especially dice with symbols), sappy love stories (I like cheap romances, the crazier the story the better, and Asian dramas...for much the same reason).  I like anything fuzzy (from cats, to blankets, to clothes, to stuffed animals), most things glittery (except for loose glitter...that stuff gets everywhere!), rocks (polished, riverstone, that random rock that I found outside that had been run over by cars and has nifty looking scratch marks...pretty much all rocks!).

I could probably list the things I like forever...I have very broad tastes!  I also get infected with other people's enthusiasm.  When a friend tells me about something they are into, I often get fascinated and end up looking into it more!  I love when people share the things that make their heart sing, even if it doesn't end up being something that calls to me.  Just something about hearing the joy in people's words, that makes my day.

And when you deny those parts of yourself, when you belittle your joy because you feel shamed by it, you diminish yourself!   You are literally cutting yourself off from some of the very best pieces of YOU! 

I think it is time for society to start accepting that people are different, are varied, and like different things...and that is OKAY!  And this may take a lot of people getting together and sharing the things they love with the world.

This is one thing that I see happening on social media ALL the time, and something I think is fantastic.  You can share pictures and stories about whatever you might like, and people all over the world can see them.  You can do this publicly or join a specialty group and share it only with people who also like the things.  You can use your real name, or have a screen name that no one in your daily life knows.

And there is something really great about sharing your excitement about things with groups of people who also are excited about the same things!  It is like that old 1+1=3 equation.  The sum of the parts is definitely not equal to the whole.

Part of what I love about sharing things I love with people who also love them (boy that's a lot of love!) is that they GET what I'm saying.  When I gush about something, they are right there with me.  As opposed to when I geek out about something to someone who doesn't get it and they kind of look at me like I'm a little crazy and might possibly need help.

I'm not perfect, there are things people are into that I just don't get.  And that's okay too, but I try really hard to be supportive, even if I don't understand.  I'm sure some of the things I enjoy aren't fun for other people (luckily for me, hubby is pretty good at this too, so even when he sometimes pokes fun at me for watching My Little Pony or another Kpop video...when I'm feeling down, he will suggest I go watch them because he knows they make me feel better).

And really, that's what it's all about.  Life should be wonderful, it should be full of things that make you smile uncontrollably, or laugh until it hurts, or cry with abandon.  Embrace the things that make your life sparkle, and reach out to other people so you can all get excited and share together!  Own your life, and own what makes it shine!

The cleansing power of tears...and storms!

I tend to run pretty high on the emotions.  I feel things deeply, and tend to hold onto them for a long time.  I am also highly empathetic, so I will pick up on other people's emotions...and internalize emotions from tv shows, movies, books, commercials, memes....the list goes on. 

I've talked before about empathy and shielding, but I also think that, as time goes on, we all keep little bits of emotions and experiences.  We release much of this grounding, but emotions have a strange sort of resonance, at least for me.  I definitely can feel when I have gone too long without a good cry, it's like that pressure right before a storm, where the air starts to feel really heavy.

Crying has a very bad reputation, in our modern society.  Crying is seen as a sign of being overly emotional, of not being in control, of being weak, of being girly (which is seen as a combination of all the other things crying is associated with!).  I was a big tomboy when I was little.  I grew up telling myself that if I was strong (which I wanted to be), that I wouldn't cry.  It always bothered me to cry, it made me feel like my own body was betraying me.

I still don't like to cry under some circumstances.  I hate crying when I'm in an argument.  I have known too many girls use tears as a way to embarrass others and guilt them into giving in.  And yes, they were girls, technically teenagers, at the time..but anyone who uses emotional manipulation to control others isn't deserving of the more adult label of woman, in my book.  I have never deliberately cried in an argument, but if I am arguing about something I have been repressing for a while (or one of those repeated arguments that has a lot of back history), then there is a good chance that if I let myself get too passionate about voicing my opinion that I will become overwhelmed and will start crying.

Amusingly, I am least likely to cry because I am physically hurting, and that would probably be one of the ways in which I would be most comfortable crying.  While I do have a pretty high tolerance for pain, I find that pain tends to take my breath away, instead of bringing tears to my eyes.

Crying because of a social situation, like a funeral or someone else's sorrow, doesn't really bother me too much, although I rarely cry because of this.  It's like my social awkwardness overrules my empathy, and because I am still fairly uncomfortable filling that comforting role in a social situation, it's like I just don't feel anything.  I can be the rock for other people to cling to, and I may cry later, in private, remembering it, but I don't often cry in public, social situations.

I am very uncomfortable when secondary sources cause me to cry, when other people are around.  By secondary sources, I mean a recording (tv or video) or a retelling (picture or story).  And these, by far and beyond, are the most common trigger for me crying.  I might cry several times during a movie (and not just a traditionally sad movie...during a sad or overwhelmingly emotional moment in any movie).  I own many books with moments that make me cry.  I have cried during commercials (there are some crazy Asian commercials that will always make me cry).  Some songs will make me cry if I try to sing along or even just listen to them.

I always feel sort of embarrassed, crying like this.  I try to hide it, and I always hope that no one notices, or at least they don't comment if they do notice.  I think it is because it is a secondary source, and not something I am witnessing first hand, that makes it so embarrassing for me. 

But no matter what the reason for my crying, it always feels like a weight off my shoulders afterward.  It is like the salt in my tears cleanses me of whatever has been bothering me, no matter what it was.  I could cry because of a commercial where a stranger ends up helping a little girl go to school, and it will make me feel less stressed because of an upcoming deadline.  There doesn't need to be a connection...crying is just cleansing.

I can always tell when I need to cry, because the smallest thing will set me off.  And when I stop and think about it, either there has been a lot going on in my life, or it has been a long time since I last cried.  When I know I'm feeling that pressure, that buildup that comes before a good cry, I will often seek out something that I know will make me cry...before it becomes unbearable. 

I also find that inducing tears in this way can help me process things in my own life that deserve tears but perhaps I was struggling with.  I have a sort of strange relationship with death.  Death itself, and loosing people, even people I am very close too, doesn't always feel like a sad thing for me.  I have known death to be a mercy, and so sometimes the loss itself doesn't bring tears.  But I know that I want to mourn the loss in my active life, the person (or animal) that will no longer be there, that I will no longer be able to touch or talk with.  And sometimes the tears just don't come...there is instead this numbness that won't go away.

If I can make myself cry, I can open that gate, and work on the emotions I am feeling, in a way that lets me move forward instead of being stuck.  Sometimes it takes a while, sometimes it takes more than once, but each time it is a step forward, each time is progress.

I feel the same kind of release with a really good storm.  I have always loved storms, whether I was inside or outside in them.  There is the same buildup and pressure before a storm, and you can feel that potential in the air.

But when the actual storm hits, there is a very distinct energy in the air, and I love it!  There is a wildness there, that marks a storm differently from a mere rain.  There is a fierceness, just like when you are so lost in your tears that the rest of the world fades away.

And there is a cleansing, as the storm washes away all the junk that was clinging to you.  I especially love to be out in the rain, and to feel it hit my skin and my face.  It is a different feeling from being wet from a shower or from swimming. 

I love all the kinds of storms, from the ones with really fat, almost soft raindrops to the sharp, biting ones.  I love thunder and lightning, and that rumbling feeling when the whole world shakes.  And as powerful as they can be, to me storms are soothing.  I am comforted by the feeling of being enclosed in the storm (whether I am indoors or outside).  It is like a barrier between me and the world.

Both tears and storms are often viewed with trepidation.  We may shy away from them, and yet they have so much to offer.  When we learn to work with them, we find new ways to work with ourselves.  We can wash ourselves clean of the residue of our days, the things that cling to us and slowly bring us down.  And once the tears (or storm) is over, everything seems just a little bit brighter.

Coloring Magic!

The adult coloring phase is in full bloom, and many people are embracing the benefits of coloring.  Art brings joy into our lives, and the simple act of taking an already laid out design or pattern and filling it with color sinks us into a meditative state that helps calm us as well as brings us peace.

There are TONS of coloring books being printed right now, with all kinds of subject matter.  And, if you have a printer, you can find plenty of pages to color online, that you can print out at home.  Pages can be as complex or simple as you might desire, and you are sure to be able to find one that you like.  Of course, if you are artistically or geometrically inclined, you can always draw your own patterns to color in.

But coloring can be more than a zen activity!  Coloring brings you into a state of simple focus.  There isn't a lot of thinking involved, but your focus narrows down to what you are doing.  This makes it perfect for using to direct your focus and work on a goal!  Coloring can easily be used as part of other magical workings, either to raise energy, to direct it or to release emotions.

The best thing about coloring magic is that there is absolutely NO requirements to actually be good at art.  It doesn't matter if you pick accurate colors, if you go outside the lines, if your color isn't consistent or even if you fill in all the bits.  It is the process that is important, and this is something that anybody can do.  Better yet, the more you do it, the 'better' you become at the process!

One of the easiest ways to start coloring magic is to do emotion work.  When you are feeling something intensely, find a picture to color that represents what you are feeling.  If you are angry, it might be a picture of the thing you are angry about, or a picture that you feel represents you, as you are when you are angry.  If you are happy, it might be a picture of what triggered this specific happiness, or it might just be a picture of something that you enjoy, something that represents happiness to you.

Before you start coloring, really sink into your emotion, let it fill you up.  And then, without a lot of thought, pick up the first color that jumps out to you, and start coloring!  Let your inner toddler out.  For this, it is especially not important to follow the lines or make your colors match what they would in the physical world.  If you feel like scribbling out the face with that dark red crayon...do it!  If you want to draw little black X's over the book that is driving you buggy, go for it!  If the idea of a pink sun makes you giggle, make it pink!

Depending on the emotion you are working with, when you are done, you can either keep the picture (for happy or more beneficial emotions), or banish it.  I like to keep my magical art all together in a binder.  When you need a little boost, you can always look through your magical art binder, and soak in all that lovely energy you have stored!

To banish a picture, you are going to release all that emotion that you poured out into the picture.  There are a lot of ways you can do this.  You can simply tear it up into tiny pieces and toss it in the trash.  You can take it outside and burn it.  You can dig a hole and bury it or toss it into a body of water.

You can also take the picture and transmute it.  You might rip it up, and use the pieces (like you would a mosaic, picking bits just for their colors) to make a new collage, a picture of what you want to turn that emotion into.  You can also find other pictures (either from magazines or other line drawings that you can color), and glue them on top of your original picture, covering over that released emotion with the feelings you want to replace it with.

If, instead, you want to use coloring as a tool for raising energy, you will find a picture that either represents the energy you want to raise, or the goal that you are raising the energy towards.  Working with water energy, you might color a picture of the ocean or of a rainy day.  Calling up the energy of Wolf might be a picture of a wolf, or it could be a picture of a person wearing wolf's clothing (talismans or markings that make you think of wolf).  The great thing about this kind of coloring, is that you can keep your pictures, as batteries of a sort, and when you want to work with that energy again, they can be a way to tap into it.

When raising energy towards a specific end, you can pic your picture based on what you want to accomplish, but pick your colors based on what types of energies you want to infuse your working with.  So, if I were working on prosperity magic to find a new home, I might color the walls blue, for peace and tranquility, the ceiling grey/silver for security, the grass green for bounty and the door red for health.

This way of coloring ties right into using coloring as a way to direct your energy.  You can lightly pencil in your desires on the paper before you color, or just use your picture to keep your focus.  As you color each section, think about the ultimate goal, but also how the colors you are picking tie into and support that goal.  When you are done, you can put your picture somewhere you will see it, and every time you look at it, you will further send energy towards your goal!

This year, I have been doing a little coloring every morning.  I have a coloring planner for a magical year, and so the drawings on each page are tied into the energy of the month and often have a magical theme.  I pick what I am going to color based on how I feel in the morning or what I might have going on.  Some days, it is nothing more than filling in a few stars (there are almost always stars, and they are quick and easy...and filled with yellow are perfect as a little energetic pick-me-up on days where I am not feeling so energetic).  Other days, I will really sink into the process, and either look up color references (for plants and planets I'm not super familiar with), or try different color layering techniques.

It was while doing this coloring that I realized that, while I am normally pretty particular with my coloring (I took art lessons as a child, and so the art of layering colored pencils and creating deep, rich color is something that still echos in my head), I am not nearly as critical about my morning coloring as I am with coloring at other times.

I definitely have bits that are out of the lines, places where the colors I picked don't quite match what they should, or the blending just wasn't working right.  And yet, just looking at my planner makes me smile.  And that is a wondrous thing!  As it is one of the first things I do every morning, my planner now brings me joy, just by opening it and flipping to today's pages.  And, for Sabbats (because there are pages for each of them) or monthly planning (again, pages for this!), it means that I am building up layers of energy as I color each day, and that I am thinking about and focusing on longer term goals, a little each day.

If you haven't tried coloring yet, I highly recommend it.  You may feel a little silly at first, but let yourself really settle into the process.  If you are intimidated by the really complex patterns and fancy pages, start with simpler ones.  If the basic pictures make you feel to childish, find more refined ones.  If you are scared to color in people (skin tones are definitely intimidating to me!), pick animals, or nature scenes.  If you stress out about matching the 'right' colors, pick something abstract (there are some really lovely coloring pages that are nothing but patterns to fill in).

But find pages that look interesting or fun, or that call to you in some way.  Find art supplies in colors that excite you (or in colors that match your mood...) and find some time to sit down and color.  Color alone if you feel more comfortable, or join a group to color (my local library has a coloring session twice a week, and they provide pages).  Pick a goal, or color out an emotion!  And most of all, have fun with it.

Exploring the relationship with your Self

The Pink Moon brings our focus onto the relationships in our lives.  Many people only think of romantic relationships, but this really does talk about any relationships:  romantic, friend, family, business.  It is helpful to even stop and consider the very casual relationships we have with people.  Perhaps you see the same person when you order lunch everyday, or a fleeting encounter with a stranger on a bench.  The more we tune into how we handle the relationships in our life, the better those relationships become.

And yet, when we talk about relationships, we often forget our most primary and fundamental relationship:  the one with our Self.  To me, the relationship with Self is at the core of my spiritual practice.  Much of the work I do is to better tune in, understand and work with the aspects of my Self.  In many ways, this is like learning about another person, so you can better understand and work with them (as you would when working on a relationship with another person).

But do we really treat our relationship with our Self with as much importance and reverence as we do the other relationships in our lives?  If you have children, parents or a romantic partner, do you do special things for them?  Things that you wouldn't consider doing for yourself?

This sort of circles back around to self-care and the idea that doing things for our self is selfish.  And it is, but only in the very best way!  I think that what we often call selfish is actually self-centered (another word with a bad reputation).  When we are acting in a self-centered way, we are putting ourselves in the middle of whatever we are doing.  And this isn't necessarily a bad thing!

Putting yourself first means giving yourself value.  And so many of us are trained to put other people before ourselves.  If you are always putting other people first, you will find yourself depleted and undervalued.  It is perfectly fine to choose to defer to someone else, or to allow someone else to go first, but we should also do these things for ourselves, especially when we need it!

A bigger issue, that I see, with people building relationships with their Selves, is that we often aren't comfortable with our Self.  So the idea of spending time with yourself, doing things alone, or doing things just for you can be uncomfortable.

But this can bring so much value into our lives!  I think that learning to be comfortable with your Self, without needing distractions or other people present is a very important first step in building up that relationship.  It can feel raw and sort of scary, or make us focus on the things we don't like about our Self, and yet the more we do it, the more comfortable we get, in bits and pieces.

I spend a lot of time alone, and starting next year, that time will be increasing.  It is not uncommon for me to eat alone, or to find ways to entertain myself, for long periods of time.  I typically have one day a week, where I am alone from the time I wake (at 6:30 in the morning) until about 7pm at night.  So I eat all three meals, by myself, and am left to my own devices mostly all day.  Once our son goes off to college, this will happen an average of 3-4 days every week.

I am lucky, that I was an only child, so I sort of grew up building this relationship with my Self, and learning to play alone.  I think it is a really valuable skill, and while I made sure that our son grew up learning how to share and play well with others, I also encouraged him to play on his own for a while every day (he was also an only child). 

I remember reading a book (one of SARK's books actually) that suggested going to movies alone or going out to eat in restaurants alone, and how daunting it can be.  And it is a little weird feeling sometimes, and you possibly feel like other people are staring at you, but it can be quite liberating as well.

I don't think we should feel like we need to wait for other people to do things that we enjoy and can do on our own.  I have no problem eating out by my self, and I've gone to movies alone.  I watch shows that I like and that no one else in my household cares for.  By uncovering things that I enjoy doing alone, and developing the ability to really sustain myself, it allows me to not need to have other people around to be content.

But I also think that by deciding that we deserve nice things, and that we are the one to do them for our Selves, we are building up not only our self-confidence and self-worth, but also showing the rest of the world how we expect to be treated. 

There are lots of ways to work on the relationship with your Self, and it may help to think of your Self as another person.  To start, think of them as a prospective romantic partner.  How would you learn about someone new, who you think is interesting and you want to get to know better?  Spend some time, not only thinking about what you like and don't like, but also exploring your memories and dreams.  These are only some of the things that make you who you are, and these are things that you would want to know about someone else, so you definitely want to spend some time getting to know them about your Self.

It sounds very basic, but there are a lot of people who know only very simple things about themselves.  They may know they dislike strawberries, but it never occurred to them to stop and figure out why they don't like them.  Perhaps, it is something about the taste or texture.  Or perhaps they have a memory from childhood that they had forgotten, which made them dislike strawberries.  By exploring the why's behind our likes and dislikes, we can better understand how we relate to the world.  And sometimes, we may find that things we thought we liked or didn't like were actually symbols for other things.  Once we uncover this truth, we may find our tastes actually change!

Once you start to explore, and find things you enjoy or are drawn to, start thinking of nice things to do for yourself.  It's kind of like dating yourself!  You may feel comfortable starting big, or you may need to start small.  Buy yourself a treat, your favorite candy or drink!  Take yourself to an activity that you love, or set aside a night to indulge at home in your favorite show or movie.  But I think a big thing is to find a way to do it alone.

There is a real difference to doing things alone, even if there are other people in the house (but I also find that doing things alone when no one is home has it's own, wonderful energy).  If there are other people home, request that they give you some time, to do your own thing.  If this means working out a deal with your partner, or a family member, so they will watch the kids so you can soak in the bath without anyone banging on the door, then that might be what it takes.  It will be so worth it!

As you start to build this relationship with your Self, you may find that things that you didn't care so much for before, start to be less bothersome to you.  You might not care for a physical feature of your body, or a mental or emotional trait.  But, just as the more you love someone, the more likely you are to overlook or be able to take their faults in stride, you will start to be more forgiving of your own flaws.  You might even find that as you progress, things you used to dislike about yourself become things you are proud of and appreciative of.

A lot of spiritual practices involve working on your Self.  But many often look at this process as a sort of self-improvement project.  The Self becomes something to be made better, more perfect, to smooth away all the rough edges and forge into something more evolved.  I think it can be helpful to twist this perspective and to think of it as if we were building a relationship with our Self.  We are coming to know, understand, and in many ways woo our Self.  We are going to do things that we know our Self likes, and we are going to do things to make our Self feel special.  It becomes a very different process, one that is more love centered and less judgemental.

So, take some time to get to know your Self!  Don't be afraid to peek into those dark corners, because the more you know about your Self, the more ways you have to approach this relationship building.  Find ways to improve your relationship with your Self, and make time to be alone with your Self.  Your relationship with your Self is going to be at the core of your life, the center spoke of all the other relationships you will have throughout the course of your life.  Why not make it the best relationship it can be!

Sabbats: more than a moment in time

When is the actual date of the Sabbat?  What do I do if I can't do my ritual on that day?  Do I need to stay up all night or get up at dawn?  What if I only have five minutes?  Oh, no, I forgot, what do I do now?

We have a fixation on dates and times and deadlines in the modern world.  We have this concept that things have a 'right and proper' time, and that in order to honor them properly, we have to do it at that specific moment, or we aren't proper Pagans! 

And sure, there are some Sabbats that have a moment, a specific turning point or time which is the exact moment (equinoxes and solstices).  These Sabbats have a moment of most/least sun or perfect balance. 

Something can also be said for giving something more weight, more importance, by putting forth the effort to do things at a particular time or day. 

However, it's not worth beating ourselves up for!  It's not an all or nothing thing, in my book.  If you can make the specific time and day, and you feel it would be a form of dedication for you, then by all means, do it!  If, however, you really can not manage it, or it would make your ritual feel less like a devotion and more like an obligation, perhaps consider doing it at a time when you would feel the spirit of the celebration better.

I also think of the Sabbats like tides.  Sure, there are specific times for high and low tide, but we also accept that high tide refers to times when the water is higher than average (and the inverse for low tide).  While each Sabbat has specific things it represents, they are also markers of the changing seasons, being either the middle of or start of each of the four seasons.

And, they are definitely symbolic!  Most places in the world don't experience a clear division of the year into four distinct seasons.  The changing of seasons in your area might not line up with the Sabbat dates at all!  You might really only experience two or three proper seasons, or you may have seasons that last for very short periods of time.  If you are near the equator, you might not have a lot of seasonal change at all.

But as spiritual representations of the 'seasons' not only of the earth as a whole, but of our lives and of the year, we can celebrate the essence of the Sabbat, and benefit from the observation, even if we aren't celebrating on the specific day associated with the Sabbat.

In some ways, it makes more sense to spread out our celebrations out.  It helps us stay away from only experiencing our spirituality on specific 'holy' days, and instead bringing our spirituality into our daily life.  By doing smaller bits of ritual and Sabbat activities over the course of several days (or more!), we are working with that energy longer, and keeping our awareness on this time of year and what it means. 

I think it also allows us to take it in easier, allowing our minds time to digest what we are doing and internalize it instead of being overwhelmed.  It also helps us to fully focus on the one part we are doing right now, instead of trying to think ahead and make sure we are 'doing it all'. 

And specifically, in regards to hitting those exact times, if they interfere with our family life, our professional life or our health, I don't feel that I need to make those kind of sacrifices in order to practice my faith.  If a ritual suggests staying up all night, and I have to work the next day, that's not going to be good for me at all!  If the Sabbat happens at 5:23 on a Friday, but my son has an Orchestra performance, I am not going to miss his performance to hit that time mark.

I am very loose in my observance of time and ritual.  For me, it works much better to do rituals at a time when I can devote myself fully to them.  When I don't feel like I need to rush and finish, where I am not going to be interrupted or busy thinking about something else.

Sometimes this means I don't celebrate a Sabbat for several days after the 'actual' date.  Sometimes, this means I push it back even further, when something comes up, and the time I had planned to do my ritual is not longer serviceable.  I have made my peace with this, and have accepted that this doesn't make me any less of a devoted Pagan!

But I am recently also coming to the understanding that my Sabbat observations do not need to be done all at once!  This is sort of a big mental shift for me.  I grew up reading about these lovely, big group rituals, with pagentry, memorized parts, acted out plays (with costumes and props...) and cakes and ale.  Virtually every ritual was put forth as this big production, and getting set up, doing the actual ritual and then the after ritual celebration (not to mention journaling about it after all of that), would take hours, even on your own.

I still love the idea of these grand rituals, but realistically speaking, if I needed to do this for every Sabbat, I probably would only manage a few a year. 

Yet, there is nothing to stop me from breaking up my ritual into different parts on different days!  Or even doing multiple, smaller rituals, so that I can do all the things I wanted to do to honor that Sabbat, over the course of several days.

One of the easiest things to start with is setting up or decorating your altar.  I love the idea of changing my altar decorations to match the Sabbat. Not only does it help keep me grounded in the energy of the time (because my main altar is in the bedroom, I walk past it several times every day, and at the very least I see it in the morning when I wake and at night before I go to bed, so it is constantly being brought into my mind), but it brings me joy to break out my decorations and see what I am going to use to honor the season.

Often, altar decorating is listed as ritual preparation.  When you are ready to do a ritual, you gather up all your supplies, decorate your altar with the appropriate representations, do your purification and dive right into the ritual.  Why not have set your altar up ahead of time, especially if you are going to be leaving your seasonal decorations up after your ritual is over (and even if you are only using some items for one specific ritual, you can still set up your altar ahead of time, if it's better for you).

I also like to refresh my mind on the Sabbat and what it means.  While I am pretty familiar with them, I have a decent amount of notes, which often explore aspects or variations on the Sabbats, that I am not as familiar with.  Even if I am not planning on using any of those less common associations this year, I like reading them over.  I also enjoy reading articles about the Sabbat or resources that other people have shared online, again irregardless if it is something I think I will ever do myself, I enjoy seeing how other people experience the Sabbat.

Doing this over the course of the week leading up to the Sabbat not only allows me to let that information really sink in, so it's fresh in my mind when I do my own observations, but if I read something that inspires me, it gives me time to figure out how to add it into my own ritual, if I desire!  Plus, steeping myself in all the lore and information surrounding the Sabbat, really puts me in the proper mindset to honor and celebrate it!

I love Sabbat related crafts and activities.  And this is another thing that often takes up a big chunk of time!  Sometimes with times that you aren't actively doing something (waiting for things to dry, or simmer or heat/cool).  I have started looking at any involved crafts, and instead of actually doing the crafting as part of my ritual, I craft before and then bless my finished product, or I bless my ingredients and then craft after. 

This lets me tie it all together still, but in more manageable time chunks.  It also has the added benefit of allowing me to do messy craft things in the appropriate places, but do my ritual in a place that feels more special.  I'm not opposed to kitchen (or outdoor) rituals, but I also like being able to step away from it all, and create a private sanctuary...which isn't as easy for me to do in mess-friendly places (excepting the bathroom).

I think it is a bit of a change from how things have been done, but I think it offers a lot of flexibility in a world where many of us have so many responsibilities and different aspects of our lives that we are trying to weave together and make work.  When the whole community banded together, it made sense and worked to have one whole evening or day to celebrate, or to time your celebration to harness the exact moment of change, but since we don't live in that world anymore, we need to adapt and make our celebrations work for us.  And if that means you spread it out, there is no shame in that! 

If you find that trying to work a traditional Sabbat observance into your life is stressing you out, why not try breaking it up and doing different parts at different times?  Make it manageable, make it personal and make it work for you!

Being open to truth, not just expectations

People are, by their nature, shaped by their experiences.  And not just the experiences we have personally lived through.  We are creatures of story, and when we hear other people's stories, we are changed by them.  We are moved by tragedy and by hope and by love and fear.  These emotional responses build up expectations.  That the next time we are faced with a similar situation, the outcome will be the same.

And yet, this is often not the case!  Not only do we tend to internalize one bad experience, and then make the assumption that it will always be a bad experience, but we also take statistics to heart:  if something is bad for 99% of people, then it is ultimately bad and we should make it go away.

But we are seriously limiting our experiences and understanding by allowing our expectations to shape our reality!  When we go into a situation expecting a given outcome, we are more likely to create the very thing we may be fearing.  This is the basis of all law of attraction, affirmations and vision work.  When we see it in our head, our subconscious will either work to make it real or interpret the results that we get in such a way that we feel like what we thought would happen actually did (even when it didn't).

This is cutting us off from a whole world of outcomes!  Life is tricksy, and what has happened in the past isn't always going to happen.  Hope is built around the idea that things can change for the better, and that we always have a chance to shoot for the stars and reach what we are aiming for!  There is no reason to chain ourselves down and stop our own progress by creating illusory walls that keep us confined to 'the way things have always been.'

We should obviously be wary and use our past experiences to guide us to make safe and smart choices, but there is a very fine line between doing this and limiting ourselves.  It often comes back to our self-talk.  If we acknowledge the risks, prepare for them, and make sure we have our bases covered...but then remind ourselves that "This time could be different!" we have made a step in the right direction.  If we simply put on our rose colored glasses, ignore the past, and charge blindly forward, chanting loudly, "This time it will be different..." we are setting ourselves up for a different kind of failure.

But we also need to keep in mind that just because something isn't good for a lot of people, doesn't make the thing itself bad.  That would be like saying that if most people are allergic to peanuts, they must be poison and we should stop all people from eating them, even the people who aren't allergic!  This sounds ridiculous, when worded this way, but I run into this very argument time and time again. 

Sometimes, it's not even the thing at the base that is the actual problem, but the systems and situations that have grown up around it.  Take, for example, the problem with people being addicted to prescription pain medications.  In many places, this is a real and serious problem.  Not only is it dangerous to the person addicted, but it can ripple out and cause many other problems.  But most people realize that it isn't the actual pain medications themselves that are the problem.  And that those very same medications can make someone else's life tolerable, when used correctly!

One very common area where this type of generalization appears is when talking about religion.  There are many fanatical religious groups who give their root religion a very bad name.  Many people lump them all in together...when talking about other people's religions!  How many times have you seen someone call all Muslim's terrorists lately?  And then, in the same breath declare that you Westboro isn't a 'real Christian' church, and shouldn't be associated with Christianity.  Or, they look at the many prominent Christians who are pushing to enact laws based solely on their own religion (and directly limiting other people's religious and personal choices), and say "Look, see, obviously organized religion is bad and no one should practice it!"

I am not saying that we should allow free reign to people (or groups) on the off chance that they aren't going to abuse the power they are given.  Of course we want to protect innocent people from the machinations of those in power, when they are intent upon preying on those who can't protect themselves.  But we also shouldn't judge things by their titles and names, but by their actions instead.

Right now, we are in a time of pretty serious political unrest.  There are accusations on all sides that the other side is corrupt and 'out to get us'.  And there is so much misinformation flying around, it can be hard to see what is actually going on, especially if you consider that false information is being deliberately spread to distract and obscure what is actually going on.  But I think we owe it to ourselves, to each other, and to future generations, to take the time to really seek out the truth, to look and see the bigger picture (instead of watching the flashy distractions) and to determine what is the heart of the matter.

When we look closer, we often find that what we thought was real, isn't.  We may be closer or further from the truth, but we won't know until we really look.  And in order to see what is there, we have to accept the full spectrum of possibilities.  We can't go into it thinking that all politicians are corrupt, or we may not see the good that some people are doing.  We can't think that Christianity is all about making everyone else conform to their ideals, or we won't see the many charitable and kind acts that many Christians do.

Generalizations can be useful, but only to a point.  They are like a temporary shield, that protects us long enough for us to find out the truth of the situation.  If you approach every dog you meet with caution, until you see whether it is friendly or not, your chance of getting bitten is much lower than if you just run up and try to play with every dog you meet.  But if you run away from every dog, because you got bit once when you were a child, you may never experience that singular affection that dogs are capable of sharing with us!

We want to label things, by nature, because it makes it nice and tidy in our heads.  If we can put everything into a nice little box, with a name, and description, we don't have to think.  We don't have to examine and interpret.  We can just look and say, "Oh, that's a woman, they are meek and can cook, and wear pink and are good with children."  When we see a woman who doesn't fit into our nice little box, our mind rebels against it.  We start to come up with weird justifications, ways of explaining why she isn't a 'real' woman, just because we don't want to change the labels on our boxes.  We don't want to have a box that just says, "Woman:  qualities may vary!" because that is scary to us.  If we can't define something, we don't know how it will behave, and that level of unknown is very uncomfortable.

Learning to be open to the truth means accepting the randomness.  It means allowing things to vary from the 'norm' and still be in the same box or label!  It means adjusting our definitions of things as we go, as we learn more about a specific thing, as we understand how it's particular essence manifests.

But it is so rewarding, because we have opened up a whole world of amazing, different, wonderful things!  Things that we wouldn't have seen or accepted if we needed everything to fit in our standard sized boxes.  So, start looking at the world around you.  Seek out the things that don't quite match your expectations, and instead of looking the other way, or repeating that same old description that you have always used, see what is truly there!  Allow yourself to experience the full spectrum of existence and you will find that instead of becoming distressed when something is outside of your previous expectations, you will be filled with wonder.

Adult Ostara hunt!

When I think of Ostara, I think of eggs.  And when I think of eggs, I think of both decorating them and hunting for them.  Egg hunts are traditional for many families, and something I always loved as a kid.  And even as a not-so-young-kid, I remember one year where we did a traditional egg hunt, but then also flopped it around, and the kids hid eggs for the adults (and older kids) to find. 

Eggs are a symbol of fertility, of bringing an idea into the world and of protection.  The act of hiding and then hunting for eggs can become a sacred quest, a search for the things we are going to nurture and protect, for the things that are going to bless our lives in the coming months! 

When thinking about creating an egg hunt for adults, the first thing that comes to my mind is who will hide the eggs.  Unless you have someone who really doesn't want to go out looking for eggs, you can divide your hunt area into sections, and have one hider designated for each section.  Split the eggs to be hidden among the hiders, and each will hide eggs in their section only.  Then, when it is time to hunt, each hider searches for eggs in any section they didn't hide in.  Even with only two people hiding eggs, each hider should be able to participate in the hunting as well!

Or, you could have someone go out and hide all the eggs, and then when each person hunts, they bring some of their eggs as 'tribute' to the hider.  This method is kind of fun, because the hunter gets to pick what to gift the hider with.  And, if you know you are doing this method before the hunt is scheduled, you can let people know, and hunters can bring their own little thank you gift for the hider!  Encourage small, handmade or natural gifts:  wildflowers, small interesting stones or shells, knotwork jewelry.

Having a singular hider who then takes tribute can also be worked into part of your Sabbat ritual, if you wish.  You could hide the eggs and do the hunt before casting circle, and then have the hider greet each person as they enter the circle, accepting their offering of tribute in return for a blessing (or cleansing!).  Or you could have the hider accept the offerings as part of the main section of ritual, perhaps taking on the role of a deity, like Eostra.

There are plenty of fun options for using real eggs or fake eggs as well, or even a mixture!  Real eggs can be hidden and then consumed after being found, to take in the blessings of the egg.  Using real eggs, you can decorate them to be symbolic of what blessing will be received upon consumption.  These can be decorated with dyes, paints, stickers or other markings.  One method I mentioned in a previous blog, is to mark each egg with a white crayon, to make a symbol or word that remains hidden.  In this case, you would leave the eggs white (though already marked) when you hide them, and after they are found, you could have a dying station, to reveal the hidden message.

It can be fun (and beautiful) to dye eggs with natural dyes.  This can also layer in symbolic meaning, so that the things you use to dye your eggs impart their energy and blessings onto the egg being consumed.  If you are doing a smaller hunt, you can also set aside a number of eggs for the community, turning these eggs into your favorite egg dish:  deviled eggs, egg salad, potato/pasta salad.  Then enjoy them as a group, so that everyone gets to take part in all the blessings!

There are some really lovely options for eggs made of stone or wood.  These might be carved or wood-burnt with designs, or they could be plain.  These eggs can become house or altar decorations.  These can be more pricey, so you may have only a few of these special eggs hidden, for lucky people to find!  If you have only a few of these special eggs, you might ask people to only take one of the special ones, if they happen to find multiples (if they prefer the second special egg they find, they can swap it for the first one, keeping the second and putting the first where the second was found).

Plastic eggs bring their own charms.  The nice thing about plastic eggs is you can put all kinds of things inside them, from the traditional sweet treats to small charms or tokens and even messages.  One neat thing is to make exchange eggs.  Each person can write as short message, something they are working on and would like extra help with.  You con't have to be very specific, it could be "send energy for my health" or "help me bring love into my life."  You can sign your name or leave them anonymous.  When you add an aid message, you will also include a blessing, some token that you have blessed and are offering in exchange for the aid you are requesting.  When someone else finds the egg, they agree to send you energy to help with your work in return for the blessing you have gifted them!

Another really interesting egg hunt theme is to make blessing bags with what you find.  So each egg might contain a bit of herbs, a small stone, a bit of cloth with essential oils dripped on it, or anything else you might put into a spell bag.  It can be helpful to include a small piece of paper, explaining what the ingredient is, especially if you have people attending who are newer (or who are like me...very forgetful!).  Have an assortment of small bags, for people to combine all their hunted components, and at the end of the hunt, people can see what they received, and create a blessing bag!  Sometimes, what we need, we might not think of, and it can be really fun to see what kinds of blessings we might receive, when we aren't asking for specific things.

Egg hunts can be fun and magical, and they don't need to be restricted to children!  Adding an egg hunt to your gathering or ritual can be a new way to experience and celebrate this holiday with your group or family.  Get everyone involved, every step along the way, to create a memory that you will all cherish!