Alcohol in ritual

Drinking and magic are kind of a potent combination.  There are many reasons why someone might want to drink in combination with ritual work....and equally many reasons why people might avoid it.  As with many things, it is more a matter of making an informed choice, doing what is best (and healthiest) for you, and respecting boundaries than it is about ultimate right or wrong.

First, let me say that I firmly believe there is NO ritual (or other magical work) that requires alcohol.  There are many paths to every goal, and while some may involve imbibing, there is always another way.  I will also say, right from the start, that your reasons for choosing to drink (or not to drink) are absolutely your own.  You don't owe your reasoning to anyone, and if alcohol is a part of a ritual, everyone should be informed and no one should be pressured in any way to participate.

This can be a tricky thing to manage in group work.  Some people are quite fine passing the glass and being around people who are drinking, while others may need to avoid situations with alcohol entirely.  There is absolutely no shame in knowing that you would be tempted and just staying away.  On the other hand, just because you don't (or can't) drink doesn't mean you can demand everyone else not drink (again, it is completely your right to choose not to attend if a ritual structure doesn't work for you).  It is up to the people hosting the ritual to determine (and inform everyone invited) whether alcohol will be a part of the ritual, allowed or forbidden.

Like with most things, alcohol can become a crutch, and this is something that I feel most practitioners would prefer to avoid.  One of the common reasons I've heard given for why to include alcohol in ritual use is that it lowers inhibitions and opens doors (by putting you in an altered state).  This can lead to interesting experiences and connections that might be harder to get to without the alcohol...I've often heard it likened to a short cut.

Now, this makes it sound a bit like cutting corners, like taking the easy way.  But sometimes, when you are really struggling with something, using tools to make things easier for a bit can be a big help.  Perhaps you can think of it more like training wheels..it's a guide to help get you on your way, so that you can do things on your own.  The danger comes in becoming reliant upon it, so that you can no longer function without it.  Then the tool becomes a crutch, and you are crippling yourself.

Alcohol can also be a ritual tool in the sense that it is something we use to differentiate ritual space from non-ritual space.  Many faiths consider alcohol as something that is favored by the gods, and specific drinks may be sacred to this deity or that deity.  These are things that are often left as offerings, or drank 'in their name', as a way to honor a deity you are working with (or call them into you, if you are invoking).  This effect can be heightened by reserving these specific drinks for ritual purposes...even if you drink other things socially at other times.  

But, we also often use (especially group) rituals as times of celebration, and alcohol has a strong link to celebration.  Here, it is very helpful to remember that, at least during the actual ritual, it is best to stay this side of actual drunk...the purpose is to enhance the experience, not to overwhelm it.  I would also add that, at least in my book, ritual etiquette would ensure that everyone is on the same page as to the degree of drunkenness that is permissible, even after the ritual.  It's not always the right time or place to be passing out drunk, even if the ritual itself is over.  

Ritual actions are deliberate.  If you are including alcohol in your rituals, it should be done with a purpose in mind.  And that purpose should be kept in mind throughout the whole ritual.  Alcohol messes with our perceptions, and that can be a two-edged sword.  It can make us more open to things, but it can also make us think things are different from how they actually are.  It is very common for someone to feel, a few drinks in, that they are much more capable than they actually are (and that they are less drunk than they are...).

Absence of alcohol (or it's deliberate and obvious replacement) can also be a powerful ritual action.  If you are wanting to specifically exclude alcohol, you might go through the motions, but with an empty cup, so that you are reinforcing the fact that you chose to omit the drink.  If you are replacing it, make your replacement special.  This doesn't necessarily mean expensive or hard to come by, you can use water as a replacement, but perhaps you will charge the water ahead of time, or get your favorite bottled spring water.  You could also use another favored drink, a fancy juice or a lovely tea.  Make the drinking a ritual action, don't just chug down whatever you have.

Many older rituals (especially group rituals) include alcohol, but just because it was written that way doesn't mean we need to perform it to the letter.  Think about what role the alcohol plays in the ritual, decide if that is something you are comfortable with, and if it isn't, then figure out what you can use to create the same ritual impact...without the alcohol.  Above all else, make it a deliberate choice, and choose what is truly best for you.

Time is important

I've said it before....time and I don't always get along.  I don't 'do' time well...when I don't have outside prompts, I sort of drift along in this timeless world.  And yet, time is important.  Time not only allows us to coordinate with each other, but to be able to accomplish all the things we want to do.  Time is a factor that is outside ourselves, and it is absolute, in the sense that there is no amount of money or power that will give you (personally) more time.  In many ways, it is the ultimate equalizer.

But, we can use our time wisely, we can leverage our time...or we can waste our time.  Time management has become big business, because so many of us are not great at optimizing our time.  Things that we think will cost us time may actually be huge factors in saving us time (by making us more productive or organized).  Taking precautions with our time (like the old adage that we should measure twice and cut once) may end up saving us a lot of time in the long run, even though in any given instance it may cost us.

One of the places that I think many people sell themselves short, when it comes to time, is in taking time for themselves.  We often get busy, and we feel like we just don't have enough time to get everything done, and so we look for things that aren't 'essential', things that we can just not do so that we can use that time to do other things.  And often it's our down time that gets scrapped, because we figure it's something that is extra, it doesn't put food on our table or make sure the house is clean or anything else that often feels more vital.  

But here's the thing about downtime...when we skip it, every other part of our lives suffer.  When we don't recharge ourselves (and downtime is more than just the physical necessities of sleep, it is actual relaxation and rest and refilling our reserves), everything else takes more energy.  Let's consider meditation for a minute.  Countless studies have shown that regular meditation is immensely helpful to keep our mind sharp and focused, to keep us calm when things start getting crazy and to keep us at peace on the inside.  

 

Many people feel they don't have time to meditate, and I'm not talking about crazy marathon meditation sessions, but rather taking 10-30 minutes a day to practice.  In some ways, it's like taking a nap (which the recommended time is also about 10-30 minutes...hmmm)...when we feel we don't have time to do it is probably when we need it the most!  What people fail to consider, when deciding if they 'have time' for things like meditation (or naps) is that a 30 minute meditation session will actually save you time in the rest of your day, because you won't need to spend as much time to do your other tasks.  

The benefits are even more subtle than just being more effective on our time.  Think about tossing a pebble into a pond, and all the ripples that are created by the pebble.  When we have reaped the benefits of meditation, we respond differently to people we interact with...and those people respond to our energy.  So, if I am dealing with a cranky child, but because I took the time to meditate, I am able to keep my cool and think clearly, they will not only feel this and be more likely to also settle down, but I will be able to not get flustered and react poorly (which normally creates a chain reaction of the child responding with an even bigger tantrum).  And what works on children...works on adults!

Valuing our time isn't just restricted to self-care and downtime either.  By taking time to plan and prepare properly, we can set ourselves up for success.  I'm a big planner, and I know that planning my day, even though it takes time, helps me be more efficient.  Not only do I not have to stop throughout the day and try to remember what all I need to get done, it allows me to keep myself on task whenever I might get distracted.

When your day is highly structured, you already have your plan laid out for you.  There are specific times you need to be specific places doing specific things.  Your time management may be more focused on making sure that you use those already set times effectively so that the remaining time can be spent as you choose.  This may mean planning out tasks that can be done at the same time (like answering emails while waiting on the water to boil for dinner), or figuring out the best time to do errands (as much as you may want to just come home and relax after a long day of work, if you stop by the store on the way home and do your shopping, you don't have to do it on your day off...and you might save time by not having to drive as much).

 

As someone who doesn't have a lot of external time commitments, it is even more important that I manage my time wisely.  If I have one or two important things to do on a given day, and I don't plan when I am going to do them, it's very easy to get distracted doing random things, and then realize that it's past dinner time and I haven't gotten my main things done!  Though I don't tend to schedule things by the hour, I do think of my day in time chunks (typically the time between meals), and try to fit things into the chunk they fit best at (and preferably the earlier chunks, as I know that often after dinner I no longer have the brain clarity to do some things).

By treating time as important, you start to use your time more wisely.  You begin to notice the things you do that waste time or use it ineffectually.  And the more you value your time, the more you will start to weed those wasteful moments out of your life.  After all, that is the point of keeping track of our time...to be able to spend it on the things we want to, instead of having it slip through our fingertips.

Spells of opportunity

 

 So often, when we think of magic and spellcraft, we think of a deliberate practice of picking our desires, creating the spell or ritual that will work towards what we want, gathering supplies and then actually doing the spell.  This is how most of us learned how to practice our craft, and it is how we think about magic in our head:  we start with the goal and then we build the work around it.

But if we limit our magic to carefully crafted spells, we miss out on a lot of spontaneous magic.  I was thinking about this the other day, when I noticed I had a small cut.  Now, I know blood work is a highly controversial topic, but many people and cultures acknowledge the power that is inherent in blood.  And it made me think, that we often have situations like that, where we have the opportunity to create magic on the fly, without any real preparation....but truly formed from the moment we are in.

It reminds me of an RPG (roleplaying game) term:  attacks of opportunity.  In many RPG's there are rules for handling combat, and each character has a set amount of attacks they can perform.  This helps guide the flow of time in combat.  But some systems include a special rule for attacks of opportunity.  This is basically when a situation presents itself in such a way that you have the option of an extra attack (often because a foe moved into or out of your personal space).

I think of spontaneous magic like this...they are spells of opportunity.  I may not have had anything particular planned, but if I see a dandelion puff, why not go ahead and make a wish?  A lot of superstitions and folk magic fall into this category.  If you spill salt and you toss a bit over your shoulder to ward off the bad luck...you wouldn't normally do that unless you had spilled the salt.  Picking a penny up for good luck is another sort of spontaneous magical act....because you have to find the penny first!

There are some spells of opportunity I do regularly.  If I am throwing away some kind of string (or really anything I can tie into a knot), it always gets knotted (along with a bit of a banishing or binding....whatever I want to tie up in that moment).  I have a couple of liquid glitter containers that if I have to handle, for any reason (most often for cleaning lol) that I give a good shake and ask for a blessing (one is dedicated to the fae, the other is just general happiness).  If I'm taking notes, I'm often doodling little sigils for whatever comes to mind in the margins.

The best thing about spells of opportunity is that they aren't time intensive.  Part of the whole point of them is that they just kind of pop up...while you are already doing something.  It's like an instinctual thing, like if someone tosses something at you, the automatic response is to reach out and catch it.  Spells of opportunity become things like that, once you start practicing them.

Like most things, learning to make something habitual is a process.  Spontaneous magic may not come easily to you, but it is definitely something you can work towards doing more regularly.  Amusingly, a bit of planning helps make spells of opportunity easier.  Think of it like building up a sort of muscle memory...you want to front load your brain so that when certain 'trigger' situations happen, you reflexively look for the magical response.

Start by thinking about stuff you do every day.  It might even be helpful to do a mental walk through a typical day.  Think about what you do when you wake up.  Take yourself through your morning routine, and make a quick list of things you do almost every day.  Then look at your list and think about each thing on the list....and challenge yourself to think of a few different ways you could turn that action into something magical!

A few quick thoughts on this.  Firstly, spells of opportunity are spontaneous, so setting a regular habit of blessing your morning cup of coffee is a bit of every day magic, but it's more of a daily ritual than opportunistic magic.  Secondly, your spells of opportunity should be quick and not require any extra stuff....remember the whole point is that the situation occurs and you do the magic without a lot of thought or effort.  And finally, because they are spells of opportunity and meant to be spontaneous, you can easily have multiple spells that start with the same trigger!

Mostly have fun with it.  I may have to make my bed every morning, but by adding a spell of opportunity, this simple chore can become a chance to uplift my spirits (fluffing out the sheets), ground out some fear/anger (pounding a pillow), center for the day (making sure the blankets and sheets are 'just so') or even a bit of shapeshifting (taking a moment to 'be a cat' with my kitties on the bed).  The more options I can dream up, the more magic moments I can tie into making my bed, the more ways I can grasp that spell of opportunity.

It's fun to not only do this with regular stuff, but also with things that are highly unexpected.  When something unusual happens, try asking yourself, what magic can you do right then and there!  Maybe you get a really funky piece of junk mail, and you use it as a focus to open people's eyes to scam offers (as you rip it up).  Or you might take the opportunity presented by a long wait time to practice reading the energy of the other people waiting.  Perhaps you practice creating simple sigils and drawing them in the condensation left by your cup on the table.

The best thing about spells of opportunity is that there is no real way to fail at building this practice!  If you want to start, and realize it's been a few days since you remembered to try....no worries, just look around you and see what you might do right then.  The power of this practice is that it is always in the moment, there is no planning or thinking ahead, there are no supplies or requirements....it's just whatever magic you can do...whenever you can do it.

Labels don't define you, but they are useful!

 Labels are tricky.  Our brains like things neat and tidy, and labels allow us to quickly group 'like' things together.  And yet, we often over-identify with labels (either ones we have claimed ourselves or ones other people have slapped on us).  We seem to forget that a label can apply to us but we are not the label (or at least the label isn't all we are).

I've seen a lot of different thoughts on labels, and the words by which we call ourselves, but to me, labels always remind me of stereotypes and first impressions.  Most people think that stereotypes are harmful, and if you try to lock people into stereotype boxes, then yes, they definitely are harmful.  But at the same time, we acknowledge that making a good first impression is important, because we understand how much that initial meeting flavors the rest of our interactions.

Both of those things stem from a very real and very useful survival mechanism.  When we encounter something new, we have a split second to judge whether or not it is dangerous.  We rely upon our first impression (which is mostly visual, though sometimes you can add in what is said or done in your first encounter with a thing or person).  We then compare that information with our stored banks of categories (stereotypes), to help us decide if the new thing is good or bad.

Now, we live in a different world than our ancestors did.  For most of us, meeting a new person isn't a life or death situation.  I pretty much never think "is this person going to try to kill me?" when I meet someone, no matter how shady the situation is.  But we still lean on this basic labeling information to tell us how to react to people.

Labels are a bit like nesting dolls.  We sit inside a series of larger and larger labels.  The ones closest to us are the most specific, and the ones further away are the most broad.  For example, I am half-Chinese, which makes me part-Asian, which also makes me human and a living being.  Any one of those labels are true, but at each level more and more 'other' things are excluded.  If I just think of myself as a living being, I can look around and both the cats and the tree outside are the 'same' as me, while the chair I'm sitting on and the sky above me are different.  But if I am thinking of myself as half-Chinese, I am different from a Japanese person, an Irish person, a full-blooded Chinese person, the cat, the tree, the chair and the sky.

By grouping things (by their labels) in our heads as 'same' or 'different' from ourselves, we create a range of distance between us.  We are more likely to empathize with things we feel closer to, the ones we share more labels with, than those that are different.  

Thee biggest problem arises when we allow those labels to be all we know about a thing.  Labels are meant to be starting points, not ending points.  They aren't circles we draw around ourselves declaring everyone inside the circle, those who are 'like' us, as our allies and everyone outside as enemies.  Just because we don't share labels doesn't mean we can have deep and meaningful interactions.

And I feel like this problem arises because we rely to much on labels and we never recalibrate our understanding of a thing.  Think about it like this.  As a child, many of us didn't care too much for vegetables.  When I think back on shared eating experiences, I think of school lunch, and I'll be honest, the vegetables we got in school lunches left a lot to be desired.  If that is your formative experience with eating vegetables, you won't be favorably inclined when introduced to a new vegetable.  Also, sometimes our first exposure to a thing isn't showcasing it in the best light.  If my first experience eating Lima beans was to have them overcooked and somewhat gritty, I  might decide I don't like them.  They would go into the box in my brain for 'foods I don't like'.  And if I assume that label is a Truth, I won't ever try Lima beans again, because I don't like them...right?

But this is why it's important to not limit ourselves with labels!  Because sometimes, we try old things in new ways, and we love them.  Or we start to realize that the labels we were working with are outdated, they were things we set up as children, and when we grew up, we just never went back.  But even as adults, we can come to realize that labels are grouping tools, not hard Truth.  Stereotypes are a trap, because of course all Lima beans aren't like the ones we had as a kid.  

What we have to learn to do is acknowledge the meaning of the label, and then make sure we are actually seeing what is happening now.  If I have had a lot of bad experiences with large dogs, I might be cautious every time I see one.  But there are quite a few large dogs that are very gentle and friendly, and by treating them all as if they were viscous, I would be denying myself the opportunity to pet the nice ones.  It is one thing to be cautious, because my past experiences would tell me that I was in a dangerous situation, when meeting a big dog for the first time...I might not want to rush forward and try to cuddle it.  It's an entirely different thing to allow my labeling of the dog to make me avoid it entirely (or worse, treat it as if it's already attacked me).

The most important thing to remember, when thinking about labels, is that labels are useful but they don't define you (or anyone else).  Labels allow us to group things together, but just as every orange in a bushel of oranges won't taste exactly the same (some might be sweeter, some might be sour, one might have rotten spots), not every thing we have clumped together in a label is the same.  We have to start from the label, but then let our experiences in that particular moment guide us.  Or else we are blinding ourselves to the possibilities!

Love: staying in

 If there is something that can be said about the recent times it's that there are so many lessons to be learned.  We build up these habits, ways of doing things that feel familiar to us, and when we are forced out of those well-ingrained patterns, we find ourselves really faced with recognizing not only the bits we really loved, but also the bits that just didn't work.

With a big winter storm outside my windows (not to mention the ongoing pandemic...), the need to stay in is great.  But Valentine's day just came and went, and this is a hard time for a lot of people.  Society has built this holiday up to a crazy level, where if you are in a relationship it's expected that you do something grand and elaborate to 'show' your love, and if you aren't in a relationship you often just feel excluded and alone.  So may places in my local town are closed, and the usual 'date night' options just aren't as viable, especially if you have anyone in your close family who has to take extra precautions.  And if you are on your own this year, the extended isolation we have all been feeling might be highlighting an already difficult time.

But there is something really cool about staying in, whether you are alone or with the person (or people) you care most about.  Perhaps it's the introvert in me speaking, but I love having the fridge stocked with favorite foods (or picking up some great takeout), and then knowing we don't have to go anywhere.  Maybe we will watch a movie or play a game, or just sit and talk.  I definitely know it's the introvert in me talking when I say I also enjoy days like this when I'm all alone!

The key is to make it special.  Especially if you've been staying in for a while already, you don't want to just do the stuff you ordinarily do.  Take the time to make dinner special, whether you cook an absolute favorite comfort food, some fancy thing that you don't normally do or something completely new that sounds fascinating.  Don't just toss on the show you have been watching, but pick a movie (and why not make some popcorn or have snacks with it).  

I read something interesting recently.  When all the crazy started last year, people were expecting the stay at home orders to create a new baby boom.  The thought was that with everyone home and with nothing better to do, people would be getting it on and thus boom...babies!  But what they have found is the exact opposite.  There are less babies being born that usual, and the new thought is that being forced to stay around each other means people are annoying their partners, so less baby-making is going on.  

Now, whether you want to get your sexy on or not, the truth of the matter is that often times familiarity breeds boredom, and boredom breeds apathy.  When you are always home, and always with the same person, it can be hard to get as excited about things as when you didn't see them as often.  Plus, many people equate staying home with 'don't have to put forth any effort', and they may dress in their comfortable (but not as attractive) clothing, or not put on makeup or do their normal grooming routine.  Pretty much abandoning everything you would normally do for date night.  I don't typically do a lot of makeup type stuff, but I realized the other day that I haven't painted my nails in over a year...that's definitely a change from the last few years where I tried to paint them at least once a month.

It's worth taking the time to make things special now and again.  It doesn't matter if you are doing it solely for yourself or if there is a partner (or family) involved.  Setting aside a day or evening as a special time can be highly rejuvenating.  Think of it as a ritual recharging time...whether you are recharging your own self-love or the love you feel for another person, love takes effort, you can't just say the words and have that be enough.

If we continue to think of it as a formal ritual, what does that entail?  Well, I'm a big food person, so I would definitely plan some kind of special food.  It doesn't have to be complicated or expensive, but it needs to be thoughtful.  One of my favorite special treats for myself is brie and English muffins.  It's something I tend to get myself on holidays, because I just really enjoy it.  Pick up a drink that you adore as well, something that makes you happy when you have it.

And then we get to the ritual bath!  Here, I'm not just talking about the actual bath/shower, but the whole grooming process.  Do what you would do for a nice occasion, so maybe shave, put on a bit of scent, do your hair.  And by all means, make it a nice experience, so bust out the bath bubbles, put on some nice music, and let yourself sink into the cleansing process.  

Take care in picking your clothes.  Now, you don't have to go super fancy here, especially if you are by yourself, but maintain that mindfulness.  Clothes are a way we use to express ourselves, so make sure to ask yourself what your clothes are saying about you.  Even if you are alone, you want your clothes to make you feel powerful, attractive, loved and worthy.  If you love getting dressed up, go for it!  Put on that fancy dress or the pants that make your legs look amazing.  Even if you only dress for part of your evening (maybe you want to get super cozy later on with leggings and a sweater because it makes you feel SO at home!), the one thing you want to avoid is anything that makes you feel sloppy, or bad about yourself.  I'm a leggings girl, but I definitely have my nice leggings and the ones that have seen a few too many washes and are probably best only worn around the house.

And finally...do something that makes you happy.  This is highly personal, and could be anything from doing a craft, reading, watching sports or a movie, playing games, talking, or anything under the sun that you enjoy.  Take some time to really think about what you would love to have more time to do, and see if you can find a way to do it.  Sometimes you might have to do something adjacent to what you really would like.  As much as I might like to be traveling around the world, that's just not in the cards right now, but there are some amazing travel shows that are pretty great to watch!

We have a double standard of time and money that we apply to activities.  A lot of people think nothing of spending a chunk of change on a dinner at a restaurant, but they wouldn't buy a pricey steak to cook at home (even if it only costs a fraction of the amount the dinner out would).  We will spend money to watch a movie in a theater but not to rent one online.  We will spend a hour getting ready to go out, but don't want to spend time getting 'fancy' to stay in.

And yet, when we do these things, when we take the time and effort to make a home experience something out of the ordinary, it can be amazing!  We can transform our house and our selves and make the most of what we have, and it often doesn't take a whole lot more than setting the intention and working towards it.  You may be surprised what you can create, when you put your mind to it!

Chinese New Year: Year of the Ox!

 

 Being half-Chinese, Chinese New Year is something that has always been a part of my life.  Since I was a child, I knew that it meant shiny red and gold envelopes with a bit of money inside, and as I grew older I learned about the lucky foods, fireworks and other things associated with the celebration.

What a lot of people don't know, but are learning, is how important this holiday is in China.  It is not simply a single day (and eve) like the calendar New Year, but a whole series of smaller days known as the Spring Festival:  the 15 days it takes to navigate from the New Moon on New Year's day to the Full Moon of the Lantern Festival.  It sort of reminds me of the 12 days of Yuletide.  While there are many variations in how the different days are celebrated, there are themes to each of the days, and often certain activities are encouraged (or discouraged).

Before we even get to the New Year's Eve, we find ourselves at the end of the lunar cycle before.  Referred to as "Little Year", it is often seen as the beginning of the Spring Festival celebration.  Little Year is typically observed on the 23rd or 24th day of the previous lunar cycle, and is dedicated to honoring the Kitchen God and cleaning house.  It is a way of saying goodbye to the old year, of sweeping away the bad luck that might have accumulated and making your home ready for the good luck of the coming year (it is considered unlucky to clean at the start of the New Year, as you might sweep away that year's good luck).

The most important dinner of the year occurs on New Year's Eve and is known as the Reunion dinner.  It is a time for family members to gather together and celebrate.  Favorite foods are prepared, alongside foods that are considered auspicious or lucky.  There are many foods that are looked upon favorably, often because their name has significant meaning.  For example, whole steamed fish is a very common dish, the word for fish also symbolizes surplus, so eating fish is thought to be a symbol of always having more than you wished for.  It is eaten whole to ensure a good start and finish.  Homophones (words that sound alike) are also seen as signs, so since the word for chicken is a homophone for good luck, chicken is seen as a dish to bring good luck.  But shape can also come into play.  Dumplings are shaped like gold ingots, and so are eaten to usher in wealth and prosperity.  Reunion dinner is also when the red envelopes are given to children and elders.  Firecrackers are lit to scare away evil spirits.

The first day of the Spring Festival is the actual Chinese New Year day.  It is the day of Heaven and Earth, and is thought to be a representation of the coming year.  Historically, it was a time to look to the heavens (the weather, the stars and moon) and predict the fortunes of the year.  It is also a time to honor your elders, and visit (or call) your parents, grand-parents and other senior members of your family.

The second day is a day of visiting family, traditionally when married daughters would visit their birth family and friends (especially in times when travel was less frequent and it might be the only time of the year they could 'return home').  The daughter would bring her husband and children to her parent's home, with small gifts which where a symbol of missing her hometown.  Today, it might be a day to visit with friends and family, and small gifts would be exchanged between the guests and the hosts.

The third day was considered an unlucky day for socializing, because the risk of disagreements was higher, and so was a day to stay home.  There is also some connections with folklore that indicates this was the day that rats would marry, so people would leave small offerings to the rats and try not to disturb their 'weddings', and in return the rats would not disturb them throughout the rest of the year.

On the fourth day, it is thought that gods and spirits (like the Kitchen God or the God of Wealth) will visit earth, and so a big feast and offerings are made to these deities to help ensure a prosperous year.  According to Chinese mythology, when the world was created, it was on the fourth day that sheep were made, and so it is forbidden to slaughter sheep on this day.  And if the weather is nice, it is seen as a sign that the sheep will be healthy and this will lead to a bountiful harvest.

The fifth day is the God of Wealth's birthday, and it marks the day when many of the New Year's taboos (such as the avoidance of sweeping) may be broken.  Many businesses will reopen on this day, though some people feel you should stay in, just in case the God of Wealth comes a calling.

The sixth day is horse's day (when horse was created), and is the day on which you drive away the Ghost of Poverty.  All the garbage from the festival is thrown out, along with any old clothing.  Another belief is that the God of Bathrooms will visit this day, so it is best to make sure everything is clean for his arrival.

The seventh day marks the creation of humans, and can be viewed as a collective birthday (the day when we all grow one year older).  This is a good day to eat healthy foods or foods symbolizing prosperity and long life.  Long noodles are seen as a symbol of long life, the longer the noodle the better!

The eighth day is the birthday of millet or rice, and as such it is a day to honor agriculture.  Some families visit farms and take this day as a time to teach children to appreciate the farmer's hard work and to become more aware of the environment and our impact upon it.

The ninth day is the birthday of the Jade Emperor, who is considered to be the ruler of the heavens.  Offerings may be laid out, and it is considered quite important to bathe first, as a sign of respect.  One interesting offering is sugar cane.  Legend tells that people hid from pirates in a sugarcane plantation on the Jade Emperor's birthday, and because the word for sugarcane is similar to the word for 'thank you' it is seen as an offering of gratitude.

The tenth day celebrates the God of Stone (the word ten and the word for rock share a pronunciation).  Because of this, you should avoid moving any stones, like stone rollers, mills or mortars on this day.  It is also not a day to build a house with rocks or cut into a mountain (basically avoid doing things that would hurt rock!)

 

The eleventh day is a day when father's traditionally invite their daughter and son-in-law to eat a meal. As there are always lots of leftovers from the Jade Emperor's birthday celebrations, leftovers are eaten on this day.

The next couple of days are general feasting days and used to prepare for the Lantern Festival.  They are spent visiting with friends and family, getting ready for the culmination of the Spring Festival, and just filled with general merriment.  The thirteenth day may be a day of lighter fare, where vegetarian dishes are favored to help sooth digestive systems and give them a break after all the heavy and rich foods eaten previously.  

Finally, on the fifteenth day, the Lantern Festival is held.  Candles might be lit to help guide wayward spirits home.  Riddles might be written on lanterns, and whoever figures out the answer will be granted a prize by the owner of the lantern.  Because the word for lantern sounds like the word for 'add children', it is a time to ask for blessings of childbirth.  It also holds many similarities to Valentine's day, as a day when unmarried people could meet or seek a romantic partner.

As you can see, there is a lot going on during these festivals!  But Chinese New Year also ushers in a new zodiac animal.  In the Chinese zodiac, instead of each month having a sign, each year does.  2021 is the year of the ox, and more specifically the year of the metal ox (each year is given an elemental association alongside it's zodiac animal).

Ox is said to rank second among the zodiac animals.  According to legend, the Jade Emperor was going to order the zodiac animals based on what order they arrived in.  Ox decided to be kind and give Rat a ride, but when they were arriving, Rat jumped ahead, and so took the first place in the order, putting Ox second.

Ox represents honesty, strength, dependability and determination.  They are patient and will keep working towards their goal, often having a detailed plan.  They aren't much influenced by others or the world around them, though they can also be quite stubborn.  With the addition of the metal influence, we can expect early struggles, but a comfortable financial state later on.  This is an interesting forecast for the coming year, and I think a lot of people will look forward to this slow, but steady progress and stability.

Chinese New Year is a fascinating time, and I hope you enjoyed this little peek into what it means.  There is a lot more to discover, and if you find it interesting I hope you will learn more and explore the many different facets of this festival and it's associated meanings.

Imbolc: honoring the home

 Imbolc heralds the spring and new growth, but as it is also associated with Brigid, it has deep connections to the hearth and home.  Home is something that is much more than just the roof over our heads.  It is a feeling of being safe and secure, of fitting in....it is a place that we belong to.  And this is the perfect time to honor that home!

It is really easy to take our home for granted.  We see all the pictures of fancy houses online, and maybe we wish we had a little more room.  We see perfectly sculpted gardens and we might wish our yard was more well kempt.  We see designer interiors and we wonder if we will ever see all of our floor or if it's time to replace those pillows that are getting a bit ragged.  

Many of us started off with very little.  Whether we were going away to college, joining the military or moving into our very first apartment, we probably didn't have a full set of anything, let alone enough to fill a home.  We might not have had much money...or we may have thought that it was much more fun to spend what we did have on fun things...not on stuff like silverware and furniture.

And then you blink and turn around and years (decades?) have passed and you maybe realize that you still have a good chunk of hand-me-down or second-hand stuff.  Now, there is nothing wrong with previously owned things!  I'm a huge fan of not only vintage stuff (old things have their own charm...) but also being thrifty.  I love looking at used stores, searching for those really unique items that you just can't find at the big box stores.

What I think is important is that, whenever we are able, we pick things for our home because they bring us joy.  I read something recently that was talking about someone's home as if it were a carefully cultivated museum, with each item in the house having personal meaning and value.  And how many of us can say that!  

It can definitely be tempting to settle for a cheap set of dish towels (especially when the nice ones you really like are three times as much if not more!), but I think we often neglect to remember how much being surrounded by stuff we truly love effects our mood..and thus the rest of our lives.  It's not something you do overnight, most of us can't afford to just go out and buy all new stuff.  And sometimes it's a process to find just the right lamp (or coffee pot).  

I think there are two ways to go about this in a healthy way...and the great thing is you can do both!  Firstly, when stuff breaks or just flat out needs replacing, always try to find something you really enjoy, if possible.  This might be a process, you might not be able to get your dream stuff right away (trust me, I have expensive taste!), but each time you can try to find the most interesting or 'you' thing that is in your price range.  And sometimes it's worth that splurge, knowing that you will be using this item every day, and thinking about how it will make you smile.

But you can also treat yourself a couple of times a year.  Maybe it's something you want to do for your birthday or for the holidays, or maybe you build a habit of doing it when you feel sad.  Then you look around your house, find something that you don't really like...and replace it.  You may have to do some emotional letting go.  We all cling to stuff for a variety of reasons, and maybe that item was a gift (but you really think it's ugly), or an inherited item (that might not work anymore) and you feel guilty or bad about letting it go.

One thing I have found is a great way to help ease the transition of letting go of such items is to photograph them.  Especially with digital pictures now, you can keep the memory alive...and let go of the item.  If you aren't quite ready to actually get it out of your house just yet, you can move it into a closet for now (it's kind of amazing how easy it is to finally let go of things after they have lived in a closet for years...)

To take all this a step further, it's not even just about editing the stuff in your house.  It's also about your attitude towards your home.  Sometimes we live in a place but we don't take ownership of it.  I'm not talking about renting, but really claiming a place as your own.  And we can feel it, when we treat a space we are in as if it weren't ours.  I actually dislike talking in those terms, because I don't think of my home as belonging to me...rather I belong to my home.  It's the place that I fit, because I tend it.

Tending the home is more than just sweeping the floors and clearing out junk that doesn't belong.  There is a sense of wanting to make it the best it can be.  Even if you are renting or crashing at a friend's place, there are little things you can do to fit better into the space you are in.  And a lot of it does come back to keeping things clean...because allowing things to become dirty is a clear sign of disrespect.

And while cleaning isn't my favorite thing in the world, it is much more bearable when I stop thinking of it as 'having to dust' and remind myself that I am making our home a nicer place.  It's like the difference between doing something because you are told to and doing it because you want to do it (or because you want the outcome of doing the thing).  Tending the home becomes and act of love, not just for your house, but also for all the people (and furpeople) who live inside of it!

So this year, as we start spring (isn't it funny how this time is often thought of as spring cleaning time...), and we honor the hearth and home...and prepare for Valentines...spend some time shining love into your home.  Find the things that need tending and work on them.  You don't have to do it all at once, you can do one small thing at a time.  Don't get caught up in what you are doing, rather focus on why you are doing it.  And enjoy the cozy energy of your home!