Helping troubled souls rest

 

Memorial day is a day to remember and honor those lost to wars, but as Pagans I feel there is an opportunity to care for these spirits after they are gone.  Not just to remember them, but to help them find their peace.  

 

War is a horrible thing, and of course fighting in them is traumatic.  Firstly, not everyone who fought...or died...in wars were volunteers, so there is room for a lot of conflicting emotions on the part of the soldiers.  And even if someone believed in the cause the war was fought on behalf of, the atrocities they saw and the actions they took might leave someone split and conflicted about their role in the war.

Now, there are a lot of perspectives on what happens to us after death.  Many people believe there are places we go, based on what we believe and our actions in life.  But many people also believe that the dead can be trapped, or lost, and never reach what should have been their final destination.  These are the people I am talking about in this post...souls who may be stuck, shackled by their actions or the traumatic nature of their death, unable to take their final rest in the manner that they should.

The good thing is that, if you believe that such souls exist, you also have a way to reach out to them and help them move on.  As every one of us is an individual, this will mean that the way in which you approach this task will be highly individual (not only for you, as the practitioner, but also for the person you are trying to help...different methods may be required in order to help different people).

 

I feel like the first step should always be some kind of divination...finding out who the person is that you are reaching out to.  You may have family members who have died in wars, and this might be a good place to start.  I don't feel like every person who dies in a war gets stuck like this, so the first step would be to determine if this particular person is...and divination is a great way to approach this.  You could also do some research on people who died in the war and work with others, who may not be directly related to you.

 

Of course you could also take a different approach and start with divination to find a soul who needs help.  In this case, the divination is less focused on whether or not they need help and instead focused on finding out who they were and what happened to them.  This information will form the basis of the work that you can do to help them move on.

 

 Now, not every lost soul will have the same level of coherence.  Some spirits will be able to communicate very clearly, will have a good grasp on who they were in life, what has happened to them, and even might be aware of the state of the world today.  Others might have lost a lot of themselves, and this process may be more about trying to help them remember who they were, and accept the fact that they are dead.

 

Once you have a decent idea of who you are working with and what their state is, you can start to figure out how to help them. Again, every spirit will be different, so one might only need to be reassured that their part in the war is over and that their job is done and they can move on.  Others may need to be updated on their family, or they may want to know how their actions (and the war they were in) influenced the world.

One thing to remember here is that our role isn't to judge, condemn or pardon these spirits.  We aren't evaluating how righteous or corrupt they are and sending them to where we think they belong.  We are simply trying to figure out what is holding them here, and helping them to let go of any lingering concerns and issues so they can go where they need to go.

While doing this work, it is also important to make sure you are keeping your protections up.  Especially when working with spirits who maybe don't align with our own moral compass, we don't want to risk that soul becoming fixated on us and hanging around when we don't want them to.  Keeping strong protections is always a good idea, when working with any spirit, and especially spirits that may wish to create hardship or chaos in our lives.

It won't always be possible to help every spirit, but we can reach out and do what we are able to.  We can be a light to the lost souls who are stuck and confused and afraid.  We can help diffuse the anger and hatred that lingers with some of them and encourage them to release their hold on whatever is keeping them tethered.  And helping these lost souls can also help us (and other people alive today) to release our own anger and resentment towards the actions of our ancestors and those who came before. 

Spells: fire and forget versus ongoing

 

 There are two major approaches that one can take when casting a spell:  fire and forget versus ongoing.  With fire and forget, you do the spell, and then you walk away, and you let the spell work without further influence (and often thought) from you.  With an ongoing spell, you keep coming back to it, feeding it your attention and energy.  Both styles have strengths and weaknesses, and you can use both at different times and for different purposes.

Many people have a preferred method for casting their spells, and I feel like this is often dependent on how you learned to cast.  You may have seen mostly ongoing spells described in books, things that spread the spellwork out over days (or more!), and you might love the way that you can devote more time to a working, but don't have to do it all at once.  Or, maybe you like being able to build up a lot of energy, pour it into something, and then walk away, trusting that your will be done.

 

Let's talk about ongoing magic for a bit.  With this type of magic, timing is often important, and you may need to do different things at different points in time.  This may mean spreading out your spellwork over the course of a full moon cycle, doing different actions at different phases.  It might mean preparing a candle, and then lighting it for a specified time every day for a week.  It might mean creating the initial spell, and then returning to it every month to recharge it.

 

The biggest benefit of an ongoing spell is that it is spread out over time.  This allows you to build up to bigger energy without having to handle it all at once.  It maintains a more constant flow of energy, and gives you the opportunity to adjust as you go (if you feel things aren't moving in the way you want them to). 

The biggest downside is that these types of spells need the continued attention.  You have to devote yourself to the same working over many days, and if you miss a day you may feel like you need to start over or at least make up time.  It's a commitment to the spell work, and if you can't meet that commitment you may feel like you can't do this type of work.

On the other hand, fire and forget spells can feel more spontaneous.  You can gather up your stuff, and do the thing, and then you move on.  No big buildup, no need to continue to dedicate time to it, just one and done.  This can be especially appealing to people who may not know if they can maintain an ongoing spell, or who's life just doesn't work well with that level of regular practice.

But fire and forget spells can require more upfront energy (because you are doing it all in one go instead of spreading it out), and it may be hard for you to forget the work (some people feel like continued thought on the spell muddies it, as you may start unintentionally become unfocused in your intentions).  Also, many people just don't like the idea of deliberately forgetting their spell work, and not being able to check in and see how your work is progressing can feel frustrating.

For me personally, I think they both fulfill different roles in my practice.  I like ongoing spells for things like protection, stuff that is, by it's nature, ongoing.  I find that being able to set up the spell and then just boost it from time to time works very well.  I tend to go for fire and forget for more temporary things, like finding a job, where you may want to do it again in the future, but it will be a separate working. 

I also factor in that, for my brain, fire and forget is a natural thing.  It's much harder for me to remember to refresh (or come back to) ongoing spells, especially if there are large time gaps.  Plus, I find it daunting to have too many ongoing things at the same time, it feels like I have to juggle and remember too much, like I am spread too thin.

Whether you are just starting out or have walked this path for many years already, it's always good to try different ways.  If you normally work with fire and forget spells, it can be very rewarding to devote yourself to an ongoing spell, and to see your continued work bearing fruit.  But if you mostly do ongoing spells, mixing in a few fire and forget spells can feel spontaneous and fun.  You may find, as I did, that you like doing both, but that each method works better for you for specific things.  So give both ways a try, and see how you feel about the way you approach spell crafting.

Help a mom in need

 

When we think of Mother's Day, what normally comes to mind is paying homage to YOUR mother (and maternal line, so grand-mother and so on).  It is often associated with doing something nice for your mom, giving her a 'day off' or just letting her know you appreciate her.

And in a perfect world, everyone would not only have a good relationship with their own mom, but every mom would have the love and respect of their children (and would have earned it by actually caring for them).  And this would extend into the community, so it wouldn't JUST be your direct bloodline that appreciated you and did things to make your life easier, but the whole community you live in.

Sadly, this isn't the case for so many people.  Motherhood can be a lonely and draining role to play, and so many times it is just stacked on top of all the other things a woman is doing, and no accommodations are made for the extra work and stress this puts on her.  Especially for people who don't have close family (either emotionally close or sometimes physically if your family all lives too far away to visit regularly), this can mean a mother never having help or days off.

Mother's day is a great time to look at the people in your life, not just your maternal bloodline, but any mothers you know, and think about something you can do that would make their life a little bit better.  This can be as simple as sending them a message letting them know that you think they are doing a great job (and trust me, even those moms who seem to always be on top of everything will love hearing this!).  You could make a simple gift bag to give to them, maybe a special sweet or snack, but something special just for them (because moms often share everything with their kids).  

If you want to make it something more, maybe offer to help them out in some way.  Take the kids on a playdate, or ask if you can come over and help them tidy up (honestly socializing while you do chores makes them SO much more manageable).  This kind of thing could easily be offered on Mother's day, but set for a date that works for both of you.

The thing about motherhood is that, for basically 18 years (give or take), this is your life.  There are no weekends off, holidays and summers mean more work, not less.  Family vacations are still work (and most mother's don't have the luxury of taking a vacation without their kids).

((I just want to add a little note that I do know that many fathers are wonderful and participate fully in taking care of their kids, and of course there are single fathers who do all the work that a mother would and more....but this is a post about mother's day, and the sad statistics are that mothers end up bearing the brunt of child rearing, even in a two-parent household.  So by all means, apply these suggestions to fathers or parents of any flavor, just help people in need!))

Also, like many holidays, these are things we should stay mindful of the whole year round, not just on Mother's Day.  If you have a friend who is a mom, and you see them struggling, think about how you could help make their life a bit better.  If you see a mom in public who is obviously having a hard time, think about how what you could do to make things easier for her.

They say it takes a village to raise a child, but we don't live in villages anymore.  In many places there is no clear sense of community (tied to a place, like the city you live in), and our family structures have gotten more complicated (plus the fact that many people don't live surrounded by their family as they did before), and so there is this void that leaves people trying to fill all the roles that should be filled by their community on their own, and that can simply be overwhelming.  

So let's bring back that sense of togetherness!  Let's reach out to those in need and lend a hand where we can.  If you are able, think about ways that you can help the mothers you know, and know just how much your help can mean to a mother who is feeling overwhelmed and underappreciated.

Birthday blessings

 

Today is my birthday, and the first thing we often think about, when we consider birthdays is that it's someone's "Special Day."  It's all about me, right?  And while I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with taking time to focus on yourself (and a birthday is the perfect time to have a ME day), I also think that it can be very valuable to spend some time reflecting on all the people (and things and situations...just stuff in general) that make ME who I am.  

 

Because we don't live in a vacuum and I absolutely wouldn't be who I am today without the influence of lot of people, without the formative experiences of my life and the life journey I've been through.  In fact, I personally feel like my birthday celebrations are all about the people in my life...the very people who are wishing me Happy Birthday, the ones who give me gifts or take time out of their day to think of me on mine. And actually, in other countries, the tradition is almost flipped, where the person who's birthday it is bakes treats or gives gifts or hosts a party for their family and friends!

Now, I'm not saying that anyone needs to change their birthday traditions, but taking the time to really appreciate, not just the gifts that you receive but the people who give them to you, can help you enjoy your special day even more..because the gifts are something you only get one day a year, while your friends and family are there every day.

It can be a nice tradition to spend some time on (or around) your birthday to reflect on not only the past year, but also your life to date.  Perhaps, you want to start a birthday book, where each year you write a little bit about how the year felt to you, how you feel about being that one year older, what important things happened that year.  You could also spend some time writing out your thoughts on your life in general, whether you want to delve into events from your childhood, remember friends you have lost contact with (but who were your world at some point in your life), people who have passed on but who impacted you greatly.  This can become something you return to, year after year, and can be fun to read what you have written over the years.

You may want to add in some elements of scrapbooking, tucking in birthday cards, pictures of any celebrations you had, bits of wrapping paper and even a list of presents you received.  You could record any lovely birthday messages, doodle pictures of cake or candles (or whatever reminds you of birthdays and parties).  And, of course, if you prefer digital methods, you could take pictures and upload all of that into whatever digital format suits you best!

A kind of fun way to practice birthday gratitude is to write a list of things you are grateful for....one for every year you have been alive.  I think making lists likes this pushes us to actively look for things to be grateful of (especially if you are like me and pushing towards a half a century of life!), and it can feel challenging at first.  But that's the beauty of practices like this, is that they force you to be specific and to really search for things that make your life better.

A twist on this would be to make a time line of the key events in your life...all those times that shaped you into who you are.  You don't even have to worry about dates, just think about the events that you remember that are important to you.  It's also important to note here that these might be good...or they might be bad.  Traumas definitely change us, and so we may have been through stuff that makes us who we are, that wasn't so fun.  So when making a timeline like this, while it is good to put those traumatic experiences in, it is also important to try to find any kind of silver lining (aka:  seek out any good that came from the situation, even if all you can think of is that you aren't in it anymore).

You could also do a kind of "People who matter to me" tree (think family tree...but all people).  Start by drawing yourself, and then connect yourself to the people who you consider your true inner circle, your besties, the people you absolutely NEED in your life.  Then you can add other people, who maybe are less close friends, but still impact your life.  The closest people might be directly connected to you, but ones further out may be connected through other people (you know, the friend of a friend, or maybe it's your cousin's roommate).  Looking at the web of people who influence your life (and the connections between them) can be a really fascinating way to think about your place in the world.

There are a lot of ways to work a bit of reflection and gratitude into our birthday plans...and equally as many reasons why we might want to do so!  Taking the time to recognize all the things that have contributed to you being you makes you realize just how interconnected we are, and it is hard not to be grateful for all of the things that have helped us become the amazing, unique, wonderful people we are today.

Stepping away from the sexual

 

 Beltane is well known as a fertility festival, but it can also be seen as a celebration of pleasure.  And contrary to popular (media) opinion, pleasure and sensuality do not equal sex.  As a perfect example, when looking for a picture for this blog, I tried searching for sensuality as a tag...and got almost exclusively highly sexual images.  If you think about sensuality as something being pleasing to your senses, it gives you a whole lot of ways to engage with this Sabbat...even if you do not wish to have it be sexual.

I think this time of year is a great time to really tune into our senses and appreciate not only all the wondrous things that are going on in the world outside, but also to appreciate all the things in our regular life that bring joy to our senses.

In nature, we have just left the grayness of winter and spring is showing her colors.  I think because of the often dreary nature of winter, we are hungry for color and spring is more than happy to feed us.  Of course there are flowers blooming, but even the green grass feels brighter and more vibrant in spring.  We are starting to get new produce in season, and I always feel like I want to eat more vegetables in spring (as many aren't as available in winter).

If you are thinking of ways to honor Beltane, without things turning x-rated, why not consider a feast for your senses!  Gather foods that you enjoy, especially any that are seasonal.  Make yourself a special drink, something that delights your taste buds.  Play music that makes you want to dance.  Wear clothing that feels great (maybe you want luxurious or maybe you need to feel comfortable...whatever your body craves, embrace it!).  You can also have things out that are fun to touch (I love soft fuzzy things, but also smooth things and even some textures that are just neat to feel).  For scent you can put a simmer pot on or burn incense or have fresh flowers...or even use a scented spray.  Consider swapping up a few decorations, to give you something new to enjoy visually, or watching something visually stimulating..or just stepping out and watching nature.

You can do all of these things on your own, but you can also do them with a group.  Maybe your group decides that everyone is going to bring one thing that they adore for each sense, and then you can share your sensual delights with the group.  You could take turns, with each person sharing all of their offerings, or you could go by sense, where everyone shares something to taste and then everyone shares something to touch.  If people are comfortable with it, you could give each other massages or paint each other's nails or draw symbols on their skin.

This could be as formal and ritualistic as you like...or it could be super casual.  You could have a movie night with your friends, and have everyone come in their pj's (or other comfy clothes), and you could have wonderful snacks and light candles and make it a whole cozy night in.  You could do a big party, with dance music and drinks.  You could cast circle by holding hands or lighting a ring of candles.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with sex, or celebrating your sexuality as part of Beltane, but for many people sex is a private thing and for some it isn't something they care about at all, so having non-sexual options is always a good thing (you could very easily make these sense-centric activities kid friendly too!).  

One of the things I love about individual path spirituality is that we can make it what works for us.  So if you are down for a sexy Beltane, go for it!  But if you prefer to not have your Beltane be sex-focused, why not lean into your senses instead.  Make the day dedicated to doing what feels right, eating what tastes good, listening to things that make you feel amazing and touching things that you want to touch. 

Micro-practices to connect to the Earth

 

 Earth day is one of those lovely holidays...that represents stuff we should be doing year round!  It reminds me a little bit of Valentine's day.  There is nothing wrong with having a holiday devoted to something like this, but it is a bit hypocritical to only think about the Earth on Earth day (or your beloved only on Valentine's).

As a Pagan, I feel like we are more inclined to want to have regular ways of connecting with the Earth.  But so many of us are busy, or we live in places where we don't have access to large expanses of wild nature.  This is where I think micro-practices come in!

When I think of micro-practices, I'm thinking of things that can be done in a few minutes or less, things that don't take really anything in the way of preparation, and that make use of common things you may already have around you.

Sometimes, this becomes a form of mindfulness.  We all eat, so why not take a moment at the start of a meal to think about where your food comes from and to appreciate the plants and animals that contributed to your existence.  Recycling, composting or putting food trimmings outside for wild critters to eat can all be ways of staying connected to nature and the world around us.

One of my micro-practices involves just being aware of the world outside my windows.  In the morning, I open the window and look out back and just see what the world is like that day (it is a conscious moment I take, and I do say a little chant to welcome the day, but I make sure that I actually see what the weather is doing and what the field out back looks like).  I do something similar when I go down to check the mail.  I tend to think of it as 'tasting the air' though I don't actually taste anything, but I will take a deep breath or two and see what the air feels like that day (it's kind of fascinating how you can be in the same place every day, but it just feels so different based on weather/season/time)

A fun set of micro-practices revolves around things we might have done as a child.  Picking a dandelion puff and making a wish, admiring a pretty flower, watching a bug crawl across a leaf or listening to the sound of rain (dancing in it is also wonderful!)  One thing I have always loved doing is searching for interesting rocks (or leaves or sticks or seeds....), and this is also a great way to bring a little bit of nature inside with you.

Honestly, I think a lot of it comes down to opening yourself to curiosity about the world around you.  I feel like we have so many demands on us, for our time and attention, and much of it is on modern (electronic) things, that shifting our focus to natural things feels counterintuitive, but we can absolutely combine the two!  Maybe you want to take a picture of something natural every day, and you make it your background on your phone, or share it online (maybe even encouraging other people to share their own pics in response).

Touching things is a big thing for me, even though I have real issues with my hands being dirty.  It's funny, because I don't typically mind touching things in nature (with the understanding that when I'm done, I'll wash my hands...it just works for my brain lol).  But there is something really moving about touching plants or even simply letting your bare feet connect to dirt.  I feel like we are so disconnected to nature, that this simple practice of touching the bark of a tree or letting a butterfly land on your finger almost feels like coming home.

 

The big thing to remember is that none of these practices need to be big!  In fact, it's so much harder to commit to something big, but most of us can find some micro-practice that we enjoy.  Nature is all around us, even if we live in a big city.  We can find a patch of dirt, look for plants (because they will find a way to grow in cracks in the sidewalk or any little patch of earth they can find), watch insects or urban critters (watching city birds is nifty, seeing how they have adapted to us and how we changed their world), and there is pretty much always weather to deal with.

So why not use this Earth day as the start of a new practice...of micro-practices!  Come up with a list of things you think you might enjoy, and try a few!  The absolutely cool thing about micro-practices is that they either take very little time on their own or they layer on something you are already doing, so once you start thinking about ways to add them into your life and looking for places that you could be a bit more aware and act a touch more intentionally....you realize just how connected you are.  We aren't separate from the Earth, we just sometimes forget that nature is literally all around us and entwined in everything we do.

Bring back the bunny

 

 I loved Easter as a kid.  My family wasn't really religious, but we always did the Easter bunny thing.  Easter involved crafting (dying eggs), and games (hunting for them), and candy (and toys so my basket wouldn't just be full of junk).  But it is one of those holidays that, if you don't have little kids, and you aren't Christian, you are kind of expected to just...stop...when you become an adult.

And there is no reason why we can't continue to celebrate in a way that brings us joy!  I definitely think of Easter (in the way that I've always practiced it) as a secular holiday.  Especially if you didn't have a highly religious childhood, Easter was all about the bunny!

There is something about dying eggs that really brings out my inner child.  I was one of those kids that didn't want to just dip an egg in a color and be done with it.  I wanted to draw secret symbols in white crayon and watch them appear.  I wanted to see how many layers of dye I could add and still have a pretty egg.  I loved that the dye changed my skin, and part of my goal in dying eggs was to have colorful hands when I was done!

And honestly, none of those things have changed.  I still love all of those things, and they still delight me.  As an adult, not only can I make sure I have all the fun stuff that I want to decorate my eggs with, but I understand better how to make the idea in my head come out in the egg in front of me (because that was always super disappointing, when you had this great idea, but couldn't make it happen).

I also think Easter is a great time to treat yourself to something sweet.  Now my tastes as an adult have definitely changed.  I remember absolutely loving Peeps (those bird shaped marshmallows, covered in more sugar, dyed in neon colors)...but when we got some when son was little, hubby and I both found we couldn't even eat them (son loved them though LOL).  But some of my childhood favorites remain favorites (Reese's peanut butter cups and Cadbury eggs!), and of course I've found new treats that I adore (Lindor truffles mmmm!). And if candy isn't your thing, why not buy some nice, seasonal fruit or a lovely baked good!

When it comes to egg hunts, I think there are all kinds of great ways to make these fun for adults!  One of my last Easters as a 'kid' (I was in college, but still 'living at home' so basically still a kid hehe) we had two egg hunts.  First, the adults hid eggs for the kids to find...including some 'harder' ones for me and my friend to find.  Then, the kids (and me and my friend) hid eggs for the adults to find.  It was actually pretty fun to not only look for well hidden eggs (the advanced version of what we did as kids), but also to hide them for adults (so we could look for those really cool/tricky hiding spots that would not be great for kid searchers).

You can also have a lot of fun by putting little prizes in those plastic eggs.  Most of the time, when I was little, I remember us decorating real eggs (for eating), but searching for plastic ones (which typically had small candies in them).  We used to hide real eggs, but lost one once, and it seemed safer to hide the fake ones (note:  if you do hide real eggs, always count them before hand so you know if you found them all!)

The great thing about doing adult egg searches is you can put adult prizes inside the eggs.  It would be really fun to have everyone bring a few eggs to hide, and put their own little gifts inside, and then the eggs get mixed up and hidden (or everyone has a turn at hiding their eggs, or everyone hides eggs in a different room or however you want to divide it up).  There are a lot of great little items that can be tucked into eggs (especially if you have witchy friends, you can put tumbled stones, bags of herbs, small charms....and of course candy).

Easter (or really any holiday you have fond memories of, especially as a child) can be a great time as an adult, especially if you alter it to fit who you are now.  If the religious aspects of it appeal to you, wonderful, incorporate those!  But, if you never really participated in those aspects (or if they are part of a religion you have since left behind and no longer bring you joy)...let them go.  Embrace the secular parts, the bits that you remember most fondly, and find new ways to explore and celebrate.  You are an adult...no one can tell you how you do a holiday!