Stepping away from the sexual

 

 Beltane is well known as a fertility festival, but it can also be seen as a celebration of pleasure.  And contrary to popular (media) opinion, pleasure and sensuality do not equal sex.  As a perfect example, when looking for a picture for this blog, I tried searching for sensuality as a tag...and got almost exclusively highly sexual images.  If you think about sensuality as something being pleasing to your senses, it gives you a whole lot of ways to engage with this Sabbat...even if you do not wish to have it be sexual.

I think this time of year is a great time to really tune into our senses and appreciate not only all the wondrous things that are going on in the world outside, but also to appreciate all the things in our regular life that bring joy to our senses.

In nature, we have just left the grayness of winter and spring is showing her colors.  I think because of the often dreary nature of winter, we are hungry for color and spring is more than happy to feed us.  Of course there are flowers blooming, but even the green grass feels brighter and more vibrant in spring.  We are starting to get new produce in season, and I always feel like I want to eat more vegetables in spring (as many aren't as available in winter).

If you are thinking of ways to honor Beltane, without things turning x-rated, why not consider a feast for your senses!  Gather foods that you enjoy, especially any that are seasonal.  Make yourself a special drink, something that delights your taste buds.  Play music that makes you want to dance.  Wear clothing that feels great (maybe you want luxurious or maybe you need to feel comfortable...whatever your body craves, embrace it!).  You can also have things out that are fun to touch (I love soft fuzzy things, but also smooth things and even some textures that are just neat to feel).  For scent you can put a simmer pot on or burn incense or have fresh flowers...or even use a scented spray.  Consider swapping up a few decorations, to give you something new to enjoy visually, or watching something visually stimulating..or just stepping out and watching nature.

You can do all of these things on your own, but you can also do them with a group.  Maybe your group decides that everyone is going to bring one thing that they adore for each sense, and then you can share your sensual delights with the group.  You could take turns, with each person sharing all of their offerings, or you could go by sense, where everyone shares something to taste and then everyone shares something to touch.  If people are comfortable with it, you could give each other massages or paint each other's nails or draw symbols on their skin.

This could be as formal and ritualistic as you like...or it could be super casual.  You could have a movie night with your friends, and have everyone come in their pj's (or other comfy clothes), and you could have wonderful snacks and light candles and make it a whole cozy night in.  You could do a big party, with dance music and drinks.  You could cast circle by holding hands or lighting a ring of candles.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with sex, or celebrating your sexuality as part of Beltane, but for many people sex is a private thing and for some it isn't something they care about at all, so having non-sexual options is always a good thing (you could very easily make these sense-centric activities kid friendly too!).  

One of the things I love about individual path spirituality is that we can make it what works for us.  So if you are down for a sexy Beltane, go for it!  But if you prefer to not have your Beltane be sex-focused, why not lean into your senses instead.  Make the day dedicated to doing what feels right, eating what tastes good, listening to things that make you feel amazing and touching things that you want to touch. 

Micro-practices to connect to the Earth

 

 Earth day is one of those lovely holidays...that represents stuff we should be doing year round!  It reminds me a little bit of Valentine's day.  There is nothing wrong with having a holiday devoted to something like this, but it is a bit hypocritical to only think about the Earth on Earth day (or your beloved only on Valentine's).

As a Pagan, I feel like we are more inclined to want to have regular ways of connecting with the Earth.  But so many of us are busy, or we live in places where we don't have access to large expanses of wild nature.  This is where I think micro-practices come in!

When I think of micro-practices, I'm thinking of things that can be done in a few minutes or less, things that don't take really anything in the way of preparation, and that make use of common things you may already have around you.

Sometimes, this becomes a form of mindfulness.  We all eat, so why not take a moment at the start of a meal to think about where your food comes from and to appreciate the plants and animals that contributed to your existence.  Recycling, composting or putting food trimmings outside for wild critters to eat can all be ways of staying connected to nature and the world around us.

One of my micro-practices involves just being aware of the world outside my windows.  In the morning, I open the window and look out back and just see what the world is like that day (it is a conscious moment I take, and I do say a little chant to welcome the day, but I make sure that I actually see what the weather is doing and what the field out back looks like).  I do something similar when I go down to check the mail.  I tend to think of it as 'tasting the air' though I don't actually taste anything, but I will take a deep breath or two and see what the air feels like that day (it's kind of fascinating how you can be in the same place every day, but it just feels so different based on weather/season/time)

A fun set of micro-practices revolves around things we might have done as a child.  Picking a dandelion puff and making a wish, admiring a pretty flower, watching a bug crawl across a leaf or listening to the sound of rain (dancing in it is also wonderful!)  One thing I have always loved doing is searching for interesting rocks (or leaves or sticks or seeds....), and this is also a great way to bring a little bit of nature inside with you.

Honestly, I think a lot of it comes down to opening yourself to curiosity about the world around you.  I feel like we have so many demands on us, for our time and attention, and much of it is on modern (electronic) things, that shifting our focus to natural things feels counterintuitive, but we can absolutely combine the two!  Maybe you want to take a picture of something natural every day, and you make it your background on your phone, or share it online (maybe even encouraging other people to share their own pics in response).

Touching things is a big thing for me, even though I have real issues with my hands being dirty.  It's funny, because I don't typically mind touching things in nature (with the understanding that when I'm done, I'll wash my hands...it just works for my brain lol).  But there is something really moving about touching plants or even simply letting your bare feet connect to dirt.  I feel like we are so disconnected to nature, that this simple practice of touching the bark of a tree or letting a butterfly land on your finger almost feels like coming home.

 

The big thing to remember is that none of these practices need to be big!  In fact, it's so much harder to commit to something big, but most of us can find some micro-practice that we enjoy.  Nature is all around us, even if we live in a big city.  We can find a patch of dirt, look for plants (because they will find a way to grow in cracks in the sidewalk or any little patch of earth they can find), watch insects or urban critters (watching city birds is nifty, seeing how they have adapted to us and how we changed their world), and there is pretty much always weather to deal with.

So why not use this Earth day as the start of a new practice...of micro-practices!  Come up with a list of things you think you might enjoy, and try a few!  The absolutely cool thing about micro-practices is that they either take very little time on their own or they layer on something you are already doing, so once you start thinking about ways to add them into your life and looking for places that you could be a bit more aware and act a touch more intentionally....you realize just how connected you are.  We aren't separate from the Earth, we just sometimes forget that nature is literally all around us and entwined in everything we do.

Bring back the bunny

 

 I loved Easter as a kid.  My family wasn't really religious, but we always did the Easter bunny thing.  Easter involved crafting (dying eggs), and games (hunting for them), and candy (and toys so my basket wouldn't just be full of junk).  But it is one of those holidays that, if you don't have little kids, and you aren't Christian, you are kind of expected to just...stop...when you become an adult.

And there is no reason why we can't continue to celebrate in a way that brings us joy!  I definitely think of Easter (in the way that I've always practiced it) as a secular holiday.  Especially if you didn't have a highly religious childhood, Easter was all about the bunny!

There is something about dying eggs that really brings out my inner child.  I was one of those kids that didn't want to just dip an egg in a color and be done with it.  I wanted to draw secret symbols in white crayon and watch them appear.  I wanted to see how many layers of dye I could add and still have a pretty egg.  I loved that the dye changed my skin, and part of my goal in dying eggs was to have colorful hands when I was done!

And honestly, none of those things have changed.  I still love all of those things, and they still delight me.  As an adult, not only can I make sure I have all the fun stuff that I want to decorate my eggs with, but I understand better how to make the idea in my head come out in the egg in front of me (because that was always super disappointing, when you had this great idea, but couldn't make it happen).

I also think Easter is a great time to treat yourself to something sweet.  Now my tastes as an adult have definitely changed.  I remember absolutely loving Peeps (those bird shaped marshmallows, covered in more sugar, dyed in neon colors)...but when we got some when son was little, hubby and I both found we couldn't even eat them (son loved them though LOL).  But some of my childhood favorites remain favorites (Reese's peanut butter cups and Cadbury eggs!), and of course I've found new treats that I adore (Lindor truffles mmmm!). And if candy isn't your thing, why not buy some nice, seasonal fruit or a lovely baked good!

When it comes to egg hunts, I think there are all kinds of great ways to make these fun for adults!  One of my last Easters as a 'kid' (I was in college, but still 'living at home' so basically still a kid hehe) we had two egg hunts.  First, the adults hid eggs for the kids to find...including some 'harder' ones for me and my friend to find.  Then, the kids (and me and my friend) hid eggs for the adults to find.  It was actually pretty fun to not only look for well hidden eggs (the advanced version of what we did as kids), but also to hide them for adults (so we could look for those really cool/tricky hiding spots that would not be great for kid searchers).

You can also have a lot of fun by putting little prizes in those plastic eggs.  Most of the time, when I was little, I remember us decorating real eggs (for eating), but searching for plastic ones (which typically had small candies in them).  We used to hide real eggs, but lost one once, and it seemed safer to hide the fake ones (note:  if you do hide real eggs, always count them before hand so you know if you found them all!)

The great thing about doing adult egg searches is you can put adult prizes inside the eggs.  It would be really fun to have everyone bring a few eggs to hide, and put their own little gifts inside, and then the eggs get mixed up and hidden (or everyone has a turn at hiding their eggs, or everyone hides eggs in a different room or however you want to divide it up).  There are a lot of great little items that can be tucked into eggs (especially if you have witchy friends, you can put tumbled stones, bags of herbs, small charms....and of course candy).

Easter (or really any holiday you have fond memories of, especially as a child) can be a great time as an adult, especially if you alter it to fit who you are now.  If the religious aspects of it appeal to you, wonderful, incorporate those!  But, if you never really participated in those aspects (or if they are part of a religion you have since left behind and no longer bring you joy)...let them go.  Embrace the secular parts, the bits that you remember most fondly, and find new ways to explore and celebrate.  You are an adult...no one can tell you how you do a holiday!

How to create your own holiday

 

 I feel like Pagans (and witches) love holidays...more than jars or stones or even tarot decks (okay maybe not tarot decks...lol).  But so many witchy folk I know embrace holidays, and not only our own, but everyone's.  Holidays are a great way to celebrate whatever we might find important, and we love a good excuse to either gather together and have a party, or take some time out of our 'regular' life for something sacred.

Now, many Pagans have already had to accept the idea that the witchy holidays aren't steeped in history the way they may have been explained when we were first learning.  I, for one, very distinctly remember reading that the Sabbats were ancient rituals of observance, sometimes even being linked back to cave people times.  Now, a lot of us acknowledge that many of the holidays that formed the structure around which we built our practice are much more modern inventions (and very tied to the area in which they were created), and not the ancient, universal practices that we might have originally believed.

And there is nothing wrong with this!  The power of a holiday is in what it means to you, not necessarily where it's roots are.  I have no problem continuing to work with the Sabbat model, knowing full well that it is a modern thing.  In some ways, I feel more free to adapt it as I feel necessary than I might if I were trying to practice in a historically accurate way.

But sometimes we may feel like there is a thing we want to honor that doesn't have a good holiday.  Maybe you work with a deity that doesn't have a day or festival devoted to them.  Perhaps you have an important practice that you want to honor with it's own special day.  Or maybe you have a beloved ancestor (of blood or heart or path) that you feel deserves more recognition.  These are all great ideas for potential holidays!

So what makes up a holiday?  Well first, you want to sort out what you are celebrating...what is they core concept of your holiday?  Ideally this should be a single person, place or thing (and concepts are a thing, so you can totally make a holiday devoted to friendship!).  But that can often feel a bit too unfocused for a holiday, so think about making an intent statement for your holiday.  A single sentence that describes the 'true meaning' of the holiday to you.  For example, if you wanted to make a holiday to recognize your tarot practice, it might be something like, "a day to touch base with all my decks, tidying the space I keep them in and checking in to see if I need to reorganize or de-clutter."

Once you know basically what your holiday is going to be about, it's time for the nitty gritty (but also fun) stuff.  You need to figure out the details of your holiday!  Think about this like collecting correspondences that fit your theme.  

 

A good one to start with is the date:  when is your holiday celebrated?  This might be an exact date, or it could be a lunar date (like the first new moon of the year, or the full moon after my birthday).  For a holiday centered around a person, it might be their birthday (or death day if they are deceased), or an important day in their life.

Then, think about what you will do on this holiday.  This might be a main event kind of thing (maybe a shared meal or some kind of activity), but it can also include support activities (maybe you need to create things to use in the main event, or these may be smaller things you do as part of the bigger event).  

When thinking about things to do, think about not only what was important to the focus of your holiday (so if you are celebrating a person, it might be things they were passionate about), but it can also be things that remind you of your focus (more personal things, maybe memories you have related to it).

A great way to approach these activities is to think of your senses:  what sounds would fit (maybe there are songs or chants that are appropriate), what colors or decorations are connected to it (sight), what foods or drinks should be served (taste), is there an incense you want to burn or flowers to decorate with (scent), what physical things are associated with it (touch).  It's kind of like picking correspondences for a spell, you can think of building a holiday like building a ritual...that you do every year (or however often you want to celebrate it).

And finally, consider if this is going to be a personal (solitary) holiday or a shared one.  If you are doing something just for you, then once you figure out all the details, you are good to go.  But if you are planning a shared holiday, then it can be helpful to talk with others, especially the folks you think you will want to celebrate it with, to see how your ideas sound to them.  Sometimes, people will point out things that don't fit for them, and may be able to suggest an substitution that you like even better.

At the end of the day, it is YOUR created holiday, so you have the final decision about what fits and what doesn't.  But it is always nice to try to make things as inclusive as possible.  If, however, you find that someone just can't agree with one of your core concepts, then maybe suggest they create their own holiday that better fits them, and you go ahead and do yours the way you want.

Holidays are great fun, and creating one to fit a need you have can be an amazing experience.  You can end up with wonderful memories and an ongoing tradition that helps you pay homage to something that is important to you....and share those feelings with others!  It is a great way to personalize your practice, to build the type of celebrations into your year that you need.  Have fun with it, and you may be surprised at where it takes you!

Pranks shouldn't cause trauma

 

With April Fool's day around the corner, we once again are facing a day where people feel it's appropriate to play all manner of pranks.  But, with the immense popularity of several prank shows (whether they are tv shows or some other form of internet entertainment like YouTube videos or TicToks), the rise of problematic pranks is something I think we need to talk about.

I also feel that this is something that people who work with trickster deities can fall prey to.  Trickster deities often have myths that involve highly problematic pranks.  However, they are deities, and trickster deities especially aren't always aligned with good intentions.  As human beings, even if we work with a trickster deity, we shouldn't have our intention to cause harm to the people pranked...and we definitely don't have the power to back up our pranks (as most trickster deities can just poof after their trick is done).

 

And if you look at a lot of trickster stories, they almost always prank people in power or people who are acting in a way that society doesn't approve of.  Tricksters in story fill the role of teacher, their pranks almost always include a lesson.  They also normally involve a way for the person to avoid the prank (typically by doing what is considered the 'right' or appropriate thing)...it is only because they refuse to give up on their questionable behavior that they suffer from the prank.

Now, it's nothing new to call out problematic pranks.  There are certain pranks that have been flagged as problematic by a lot of people, and around this time I always see reminders on social media to avoid these kind of pranks.  Fake pregnancy is one of the ones that comes up a lot.  Not only is it not cool to prank your partner like this (unless you very much know their sense of humor...I could prank hubby with it, but I am also not able to get pregnant anymore, so it would be an obvious prank), but when you do it publicly, it makes light of many people's very personal struggle with infertility, miscarriage or even unplanned pregnancies.

And the most common response you will hear, in cases like this, is that people need to 'get a sense of humor', and yet it is a joke about something that can be highly traumatic to many people.  Triggering trauma isn't funny and telling people that they should find it funny because you say so is trivializing their experiences and perspective...it's just not cool.

I've also seen a rise of fake injury/sickness pranks, where someone will pretend to be hurt or sick (maybe they fake fainting or something like that), often done where their loved ones will find them.  And these kind of pranks aren't new, we've had shock value pranks that are similar for ages (think about old comedians who would manipulate a ketchup packet to fake stab themselves and squirt 'blood' everywhere).  But almost always, those were someone on stage (so not personal) and the joke was immediately revealed (so the prank was just for the shock value).

But now, people are drawing those pranks out, to the point where they might keep the ruse going for minutes on end, while their frantic partner is trying to help them, or maybe even calling an ambulance.  This is really taking it too far.  Because you are causing actual fear and worry in your partner, and this can be super traumatizing.

And one of the worst, in my opinion, are pranks where actual harm is done to another person.  Think 'pranks' where someone is kicked in their privates or smacked in the face with a door.  I feel like this kind of prank was made very popular due to prank shows, and what people sometimes forget is that the people in those shows (mostly...I think...honestly I don't watch them) agree to be in them.  They know they are entering into prank wars, and they (on some level) accept the risk.

However, when people take this style of prank out of that situation (where you agree to participate), and just start pranking random people in their life...it becomes highly problematic.  And again, they throw out the 'it's only a joke, get a sense of humor' response...while actually causing pain to other people.  Not acceptable, not at all.

Finally, some people absolutely refuse to stop pranking...because they think it's funny.  They think that other people should also find it funny and they refuse to listen when the people they prank ask/tell/beg them to stop.  If someone asks you not to prank them and you do it anyways...you are just being a dick.

 

Here's the thing.  The minute you stop considering how the pranked party (or observers) feel about your prank, is the minute you start doing things that aren't acceptable.  A joke or prank should be enjoyable for everyone involved, full stop.  

 

If you are pranking someone, and they aren't enjoying it, you are a bully.  If someone asks you to stop doing something, and you refuse (because you think it's funny), you are a bully.  If you know something will trigger, disturb or otherwise mentally traumatize someone, and you do it anyways as a prank...you are an abuser.

I'm all for jokes and pranks, and there are TONS of ways to prank your friends and loved ones where everyone can have a good laugh.  And if you know someone who doesn't share your sense of humor (maybe you feel they don't have one...some people are very serious!), find someone else to prank!  And don't use your deity (even a trickster deity) as an excuse to be horrible to other people. 

Creating for your soul

One of the things I associate with Ostara is crafting or creating.  And I think this is something that we, as humans, have an innate need to do.  It is also something that we are often told is frivolous or not important.  Or worse, that you should only create things that are 'good' (and by good most people mean 'will bring you profit and fame').  

First, I think we need to talk a bit about what creating means.  Originally, I had the focus on crafting, but it's so much more than that, just like creating is so much more than just art.  Creating can be those things, because of course crafting and doing art is a form of creation, but so is sanding wood or drawing up a design (which you might not make...the act of design is your creation!) or cooking dinner.  

 

Creating is simply turning an idea into something tangible, making it something that can be shared in some way.  It speaks to the part of us that needs to leave some kind of mark in the world, to feel like we were here and we made a difference.  Sometimes it doesn't matter if any one knows about what you have created, or that you created it, it's the making of the thing that is important.

Along the same lines, creation isn't necessarily about making something useful or even 'good'.  It can be fun to just play with creation, tossing paint on a page or stacking rocks until they tumble and fall.  It can be building a sandcastle and watching the ocean wash it away or drawing little doodles on a card you are giving to a friend.  

I think modern life has pulled us away from a lot of the crafting we used to do.  Many people don't cook regularly or have creative hobbies (maybe they were discouraged from pursuing them as an adult or maybe they simply don't feel like they have time), and for the most part we don't make our own clothes or household products...a lot of things that our ancestors would have crafted themselves (or they might have crafted one thing very well and then traded that for other things crafted by other people).

Creating like this lets us play with imagination.  There is something truly magical about having an idea in your head and turning it into something.  It's especially fun when you can share what you have created with other people and hearing that positive feedback.  Honestly, it's one reason why I always try to react or comment when someone shares something they have made online....especially if it's maybe not perfect or if they are feeling subconscious about sharing it.  

For me, creating something is always emotional.  In that I tap into my feelings and part of my intention is for people to feel something when they see/experience my creation.  This is true for my writing, but also for things I make as gifts (where at the very least I want people who receive them to feel loved).  I always think of the way little children present their art to people.  "Here is this thing, I made it and therefore it's special, but I want you to have it because I think you are special too!"

Making something always makes me feel more energized.  It's sort of addicting...when I make something, I often want to make more stuff.  And when I haven't made anything in a while, I definitely feel more unenthusiastic...about everything.  My mood is very much dependent on creating stuff, and I think more people are like that than might be aware of it.

And especially if you feel like you don't have time to create stuff, I challenge you to find little ways to create.  Doodle in your planner, fold that receipt into a bird, make up a silly song and sign it to your pet (or your empty house!), write a poem (make it a haiku if you want to keep it short!), but there is always something you can do to add a bit of creation into your life.  And I bet that you will feel better after you create something, especially if you can let go of any expectations about what you are creating.

And that's the real beauty of creation, in my book at least...that it's not about the end result, it's about the process.  And the process of creating is often equal parts wonder and discovery, trial and error, and adjusting when things don't work out the way you initially envisioned.  And all of these things are tools we can apply to other parts of our life!

If you aren't sure how to get started, there are a million resources online!  Think about something that you maybe have always wanted to try or that you think looks fun.  Then see if you can find a tutorial online...or if you prefer a social route, see if you can take a class on it.  Whether you are more comfortable learning with a group or on your own, there are so many ways to start new projects, and so many ways to get help when we get stuck in our creations.

And maybe you can try something new (or pick up an old favorite), as part of your Ostara celebrations, or simply as a way to shake up that stagnant energy after the slowness of winter.  Just remember, there is no wrong way to create, and there is no benchmark for 'good'....it's all about enjoying the process and giving a form to your own imagination!

The power of superstition

Superstitions are a broad category of beliefs that link different things with qualities, often luck or protection.  In a way, believing in a superstition is like believing in a correspondence.  Four leaf clovers and horseshoes are lucky, black cats and broken mirrors are not.  Some superstitions are based on actions, such as tossing salt over your shoulder when it spills (to avoid bad luck).

I feel like most superstitions have their roots in history, and often we don't know why things are lucky/unlucky.  Some do make sense, in a way, like walking under a ladder being unlucky (it was definitely dangerous, and so people who were likely to walk under ladders often were probably going to have other bad things befall them because they weren't cautious).  Others are based on outdated thinking (like black cat's being unlucky).

Now many people write off superstitions as nothing but old folk tales, and they may be right.  However, if you think about them as a power you can tap into, something along the lines of the law of attraction, then things seem a bit more logical.  If I hang a horseshoe over my door for luck, and every time I see it I think of what has been lucky in my life lately, I am creating a mindset of luck.  On the other side of the spectrum, if I believe that Friday the 13'th is unlucky, then my mind will be looking for examples of bad luck all day, and I will fixate on things that I wouldn't even notice on other days!

This also reminds me a bit of the power of cursing, and the belief that you have to believe in the curse for it to effect you.  While I don't personally think that way about curses, I do think superstitions might fall into this category.  If you believe in them, they will work for you (or against you...), but if you don't, then you probably won't notice any significant changes.

Personally, I'm a fan of superstitions, or at least the good ones.  I don't tend to put much stock in the negative ones, but I love me some good luck charms!  The way I look at it, if I make the choice to acknowledge a superstition, that is one more tool I can use to help me avoid mental traps (like feeling like you are unusually unlucky).

Now, if you were raised believing in superstitions that you no longer feel serve you, it can be hard to break away from that.  I feel like the best way to approach this kind of work is to replace the belief you want to be rid of with a new one.  

 

Let's think about the superstition about black cats being unlucky.  Their dark color associates them with 'evil', but today we know that it is just a fur color, no different from orange or white.  So instead of feeling like seeing a black cat, or having one pass in front of you, imbues you with bad luck, you could twist it and work on creating a new superstition for yourself.  Perhaps something along the lines of, 'offering my hand to pet any black cat I see turns the luck around and makes them lucky!'

Superstitions and omens are quite similar, and that is another shift you can make to take a superstition and treat it like an omen instead.  Omens are more warnings of potential bad stuff on the horizon.  It's like doing divination and seeing trouble ahead.  It isn't saying that those things are absolutely going to happen, but it's giving you a heads up about the issue, so that you can prepare and take appropriate precautions.

 

One of the things I like about many (good) superstitions is that they are easy to do.  They might be something fairly common to find (like wishing stones) or a simple action (like crossing your fingers for luck).  This makes them a very accessible form of folk magic!  And that is how I like to think of them, as a type of magic that we can choose to harness, not like some kind of universal trickery that we need to defend against.

But whether or not superstitions are a part of your belief system, I think they are a nice handy little tool that we can call upon, when we need a little something.  I definitely use superstitions like a little magical security blanket...they are something that I can do when I'm feeling a bit off, just to kind of tip my mind back into a better space.  And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that!