Holiday Recovery

I always feel the time from about mid-October until after New Year is just one holiday after another.  It's a full on holiday season, and sometimes it feels never-ending.  Holiday season can be highly stressful, for many reasons.  We are often going from event to event, dealing with family, more expenses (from food alone...then presents), and just so much more busy than other times of the year.

Then there is the weather.  We are at a time of lower light, and this effects so much of our lives.  Not only do the days feel shorter (even with electric lights), but we get less sunlight, which is an actual vitamin (Vitamin D).  The effects of light also effect our sleep, which can effect our health.  It is no wonder this is a season of cold and flu as well!

Many people are starting to become more aware of the toll of the holidays on us, and are being more careful with their self-care and boundaries at this time of year.  We are saying no to more things, in a healthy way, so that we aren't overextending ourselves.  But even with healthy boundaries, as the holiday season winds to a close, we may still find ourselves depleted.

We are in a bit lull right now, Christmas and Yule are over, and New Year isn't here yet.  It's a small breath before that last hurrah.  Many people still treat New Year as the party to end all parties, and go to extremes they wouldn't consider the rest of the year. 

For me personally, my parent's are coming to visit for about a week, starting tomorrow.  I love my family, and I feel very lucky that we are on good terms.  But they are still my parents, and we don't always agree on everything.  This will always cause me some amount of stress, because I want everyone to be happy.  I don't like conflict, and I always feel like there will be some.

But I am also looking forward to their visit, as I haven't seen them in a few years.  This will be the last year my son will be living at home too, so sort of a last family holiday before our relationships change.  They mentioned wanting to do tourist stuff, so I figure we will be pretty busy while they are here, which is always a little taxing too (we aren't typically 'go out and do stuff all the time' sort of people).

So, even though my holiday season isn't over, I'm already thinking about ways to nourish myself, to recover from this holiday season and get back on track.

I think people tend to get into certain habits, which can be hard to break.  When you have been gearing up for the holidays for so long, working hard to make sure everything gets done on time, with lists and lists of things to do, it can be hard to get out of that 'must keep moving' mindset and actually slow back down.

I feel like this is part of why people rush headlong towards New Year Resolutions:  they are still all fired up and feel like they need to be doing something, anything.  It's like when you have had a really busy day, and you lie down to go to sleep, but you can't get your mind to actually stop thinking.

I have used a 'back to the routine' spell, for many years now.  It is a really simple thing, that involves a ring.  I always use my wedding band, as it is a simple gold ring, and it never leaves my finger, so it is always with me (I take my other rings off at night).  But you light a white candle, and hold the ring, visualizing an ordinary day.  "Day in and day out; Laugh, cry, whisper shout.  This is what I do; show me now what is true."  While still holding your ring, meditate on what your routine means to you, what it brings to your life, and what changes (if any) you need to bring to your routine.  Then wear the ring.

What I love about this little spell is it is a small moment of pause, to honor the routines in your life.  It is a reminder of the simple things you do, everyday, and what those things mean in your life.  It helps you bring your head back into your ordinary space, back to the day to day grind, but it also gives you some time to reflect on what you do.  I think that just as we can get into the habit of being busy, we can keep doing the same things everyday, even though we recognize they aren't working for us anymore.

Making a habit of using this spell, every year, at the end of holiday season, helps me keep mindful of the things that make up my ordinary life, of the things that are part of my every day, and to keep my routine fresh and useful. 

I also think this is a perfect time to tune into our self-care, to take some time to renew ourselves.  It is the start of a brand new year, so why not start it off right!  Think of things you can do to let go of any tension or lingering anxiety from the previous year.  We want to go forward relaxed and refreshed, so think about what you need to do to be in that space.

I feel like the holidays are often a very outward oriented time.  We are constantly thinking about other people, whether we are planning a get-together, an event or a gift, our focus is on others.  New Year is a great time to turn that focus around, to look at yourself and see what you need instead of thinking about what other people need.

I actually really like New Year resolutions, but done in a realistic way.  There are tons of statistics about how New Year's resolutions don't work, and I think that they are probably accurate, but not because resolutions can't work, but because so many people approach them as wishes or dreams, not resolutions.

Resolutions share a root word with resolve:  a firm decision to do something.  But just because we make that decision doesn't mean it will magically happen.  First, it has to be the right decision.  If I haven't been active at all last year, and I decide I want to win the Iron Man competition, that probably is a bad resolution.  Even with the best plan in the world, I am probably not going to make that one come to be.

The first step in a good resolution is an accurate image of where you are, right now.  Reflection is something that I think we shy away from, for the same reasons that we want to set resolutions.  There are always things about ourselves that we feel could use improvements, and sometimes we are embarrassed at where we are right now.  We feel like we should have been doing better or more or differently, and we don't want to admit, even to ourselves, exactly how far we have fallen.

But it is a very necessary step!  We need to know where we are so we can accurately determine how far we can push and what steps we need to take to move forward.  And this means being really vulnerable and honest with ourselves.  We need to take a look in that mirror, to observe our selves and our lives without judgment, with compassion, and with the intention of really seeing what is going on.

Once we know where we are, then we need to keep that honesty and kindness when we think about where we want to go.  There is a fine balance between setting a resolution that will push you but still be attainable.  We don't want to only make super simple goals that don't take effort to reach, because those don't help us grow very much.  They are great to do to help you build up your confidence or to start your momentum, especially if you have been very inactive in those areas of your life, but the smaller goals should be the baby steps towards something bigger.

On the other hand, we don't want to make goals so huge that they feel utterly unreachable...or are unreachable.  We want to be able to meet our goals, but to feel like they were something we earned and something worthy of celebrating!  Understanding this balance is something that often comes with time, so don't stress too much about your first goals, just pay attention to how hard or easy they are and adjust your future goals accordingly.

And finally, once you set a goal, you want to make a plan.  You need to decide how you are going to get from where you are to where you want to be.  If you don't make a plan, if you don't think about how you are going to grow, you won't go anywhere.  You will almost certainly stay where you are and time will pass and your good intentions will have flown outside the window.

Making a plan can be as simple or complicated as you need it to be.  This is a very personal thing, and some people need a very strict plan while others can be more fluid.  I benefit from a very strict plan.  If I can lay out steps (and sub-steps....complicated is fine for me!), I can follow through.  If I only have a vague idea of what I want to do, or a very broad set of steps, I tend to put things off and never get around to them.

I do a lot of weekly and daily planning.  If I set something up in my weekly plan, but never put it in a daily plan, it won't get done.  I rarely put things on a monthly plan because I don't even remember to check the month page in my planner (which I am trying to get better at next year!). 

Even little bits of choice can make things harder for me.  If I have the goal of working out three times a week, but don't plan specifically what I will be doing, it is too easy for me to just put it off.  On the other hand, if I am part of a 30 day workout challenge, where each day's workout is laid out for me, I can follow that most of the time all the way through (I really do well with challenges...I think I've done 6 month long challenges this past year! as well as a few shorter ones along the way).

But, other people may find that having too much structure hampers them.  If they are given a 30 day workout schedule, but on day 3 they really wanted to do a cardio routine and instead it's a weight day, they may be more inclined to not do it.  They might function better by having a simpler structure:  they may plan on doing cardio 3 times a week and weights two times, but they can pick which day to do what just fine.

It's all about seeing what works for you, and what helps you the most.  And some of this is also trial and error.  You may think a system will work very well for you, because it sounds like exactly what you need, but then when you actually try to follow it, you just can't get into it.  When this happens, think about what you liked about the system, and what was giving you problems.  Then look for other ways to try, that work with your strengths and help you overcome your weaknesses.

Holiday season can be hard, but it can also be wonderful.  And just because it was wonderful doesn't mean you still can't benefit from taking some time to care for your self and to recharge, at the end of it.  Keep that in mind as the holiday season comes to a close, as we say good-bye to the old year and welcome in the new.  Give yourself time to recharge, and think about what you want to keep the same and what you want to build, in the days to come!