Someone in one of my groups posted a meme recently that spoke about supporting all the witches who might not have energy to 'do the witchy things'. There is this (mostly) unspoken judgement, that if you practice witchcraft, or Paganism, or have personal spirituality...that there are things you NEED to be doing.
People talk about doing daily meditation, daily divination, working with the moon cycles, honoring the Sabbats (or other big, festivals important to your faith, throughout the year). There is the expectation that you will be reading books, studying, journaling, working on improving your Self, helping others....truly the list is really long and sort of intimidating.
Most of the time, I don't see people coming out and flat out shaming other people for not doing whatever they feel is 'necessary'...but there is often what feels like a subtle shaming, where someone will post about what they are doing, ask about what someone else is doing, and then either start trying to one-up them (as if they aren't quite 'worthy' enough if they aren't doing more/bigger/better than other people), or they say something sort of condescending ("Oh, you don't do X....well what DO you do then?").
And even if you are lucky enough to not have subtly shady people making veiled comments about your practice, it is very easy to self-shame. To read about what other people are doing (or what they say they are doing....) and to compare yourself to what you think your practice should be.
Firstly, we are all unique, which means our practices will be different! And our family/home situation is different. And our work, our location, our economic status....all the different parts of our life combine to make what we do different.
One person might have a lot of money, but very little time, and so they buy lots of fancy, pre-made products to use in their practice. Another person might have very little money to spare, and so they harvest materials, upcycle stuff and craft their own things to use. Both might look at the other and feel some sort of envy. The person who buys all their things might wish they had the time to spend creating their own stuff, and the person who makes all their own things might wish they could splurge on those beautiful things they see the other person using.
Even if you think your circumstances are similar to someone else's, the details may make things work for one of you but not the other. Two stay-at-home parents might have vastly different amounts of 'free' personal time (and/or privacy to practice), based on how they raise their kids, family involvement and all sorts of other things. Just because you don't have a traditional job outside of the home, doesn't mean that your day is all free and that you can do whatever you want whenever you please!
And of course, we all have different energy levels. We may have health complications, or just bad days. We may have very different energy levels on different days, that we have to work around. Or we may be consistently low (or high!) and have to figure out how to manage the things we want to do, given the resources we have (hopefully without burning ourselves out!)
There are lots of days where I feel like I'm not 'doing a whole lot', especially when it comes to my spiritual life. Sometimes it feels like I'm just sort of skating around, in a haze, and I do feel envy when reading about other people's, often very involved practices.
But then, I'll go to explain what I DO do....and the things that feel very basic or simple to me, when I try to put them on paper, sound really complex and involved! My morning and evening routine, which are about five minutes each, take forever to explain (and when I read back over what I have written about them, it sounds like I am doing all this fancy stuff).
In some ways, I'm also a bad example. Because I do know, that when I step back and look at the things that I do, it is a good amount. I may not do the biggest, most fancy rituals, or the most regular offerings (though I am getting better at that!), but I have a fair amount of time at my disposal, and over the years I have built up a pretty solid practice.
Also, being a writer, I do write about what I do...in lots of detail. Words are sort of funny that way, what might only take me a few seconds, might take three or four paragraphs to describe. Some things look so much more impressive when you have put them to paper. I also recognize that I am very blessed to have a family that may not share my beliefs, but they allow me the time and space to do my own thing.
I am also, most of the time, guilty of talking about what is going well, and not so much about what is going poorly. I do try to share my struggles, because I know, that for me personally, when I am having a hard time, I want to not only read about other people who are doing well (because that inspires me), but also people who are struggling. It doesn't matter if their struggles are anything like my own, it just makes me feel less alone. And sometimes, something they have done will click for me, and I'll have one more tool in my box to pull out when things are going rough. And I definitely want to give that opportunity to other people.
But mostly, I do write about the positive things. I write about the rituals I've done, or the practices that are established. I don't write as much about the (many) things I've tried to add to my practice that haven't worked or stuck, or the tools that I have that I have never used, or the gaping holes in my magical cabinet (I really have a very limited herb selection, and my essential oils can be counted on one hand...). So, from the outside, if you are just reading my blog posts or the things I share on social media, you see only the success and not the struggle.
I think it can be useful to remind ourselves of this, anytime we are reading about what other people are doing...especially if we are reading something like a blog or an article that is sharing a practice. People are going to share what works, and they are mostly going to share stuff when they have a solid handle on it, not when they are just starting out and still figuring out how things work. You are seeing the end of their journey, not the many, many steps it took them along the way (or the detours, dead ends and obstacles they had to face).
I have said many times before: I have never felt any sort of disappointment from any of the beings I work with, when I have honestly done my best, no matter how tiny of a thing I have done. And even when I really could have done more, but didn't, I feel like most of the judgement on what I didn't do is coming from within my own head.
Spirituality challenges us to be more, but it doesn't want to break us. Our practice helps us to grow, but it also gives us space and supports us when we fall. No one has a right to judge you on what you do (or do not do)! If you need to adapt your practice, change it, or put it off entirely, that is your call to make! If you had planned on doing a big ritual, but ran out of time, do a small observance instead. If you can't stand for an entire circle casting, sit down. If you are dead tired from work, look at some art that speaks to your soul instead of reading the next chapter in that spiritual book you are working on. If you want to make an offering, and think you have nothing to give, speak from the heart and let your words be your devotion.
Everything we do, can be a part of our practice. And the tiniest of things, can be full of meaning and intent. Do what you are capable of! Tune in, and see where you are at, and what you can manage, in this moment, and do that. Even if it is nothing more than sending your thoughts up in prayer, in thanks that you have made it through another day. Like grains of sand, every small action will build, and a thousand grains of sand is a mighty thing indeed!
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