It's that time of the year....when the arguments about what we should or shouldn't say begin again. Firstly, I think it's a silly thing to argue over. I've said it before and I'll say it again, if you celebrate Christmas, and you wish me a Merry Christmas, that is awesome! If you celebrate Yule, and you wish me a Blessed Yule...that is also awesome! Wish me a Happy whatever you celebrate, and I'll be pleased...because I understand where your wishes come from.
This is something that I think people forget, when they get hung up on the words that are said. The message behind the words is the person is wishing you well. They want good things for you, and are expressing this to you. And they are most likely saying it in the words of their personal belief...in other words, they are saying it in a way that is meaningful to them.
We live in an information age, and yet so many people have a serious lack of understanding about things that don't directly effect them. If you aren't Jewish (or don't have close Jewish friends or family), then it is pretty likely that all you know about the Jewish faith and practices are what you have seen on tv....and we all know how accurate tv is! The same can be said for every faith and every celebration.
Sure, sometimes news gets things right, and you may have a basic idea about what something means, but the chances of that are really small, and unless you are watching really good documentaries on celebrations and faiths, you are really only getting the tip of the iceberg. To go deeper, you may need experience.
Now, I'm not talking about any kind of cultural appropriation. I'm not suggesting that you try to sneak into any kind of private rituals or ceremonies. But many religions have services that are open to the public and welcome guests who are respectful and open to new experiences.
I was blessed with a father who took me to a wide selection of churches. I also attended church with some friends a few times in high school (along with the teen bible study class). It was never my faith, but I enjoyed most of the services I attended. Even the ones I wasn't so fond of (one of which I mainly disliked because the Pastor was yelling into a scratchy microphone that was deafening and horrible sounding....literally gave me a headache), I found that if I listened for the underlying message, I walked out with some food for thought.
But more than that, I learned about what other people thought and believed. I got to see how they practiced their faith, and what things were important to them. I grew closer to my friends who practiced that faith, and I was better able to talk to them about things because I had some shared language with them.
In the Pagan realm, there are so many different traditions and practices, and I am again blessed with a group that has many people walking many paths, and we share what we do when we get together. I have been a part of rituals that are very different from what I do in my personal practice, and it is always fascinating.
I especially love being invited to holiday celebrations that I may not be very familiar with. Traditions are endlessly fascinating to me, and I adore seeing how other people celebrate and what ritual actions they do. Whether it is a blessing said over a meal, a way of exchanging gifts or well wishes, or certain foods that represent different qualities, I love learning about how people around the world and throughout time have celebrated.
I think that respect is a key factor here. I haven't met anyone yet who hasn't been open to respectful questions. And part of respecting other people is also respecting their limits. So if you ask about something, and get told that is something that isn't something that is talked about (or isn't something that is shared outside of a particular group), you don't push.
But most groups have quite a lot they are happy to share. The more you can listen with an open heart and mind, the more you will gain from the experience. When someone shares something with me, I never think about which way is better or worse, but I do something think about how similar or different practices are. In my mind, both are interesting. It is really fascinating how many similarities there are, when we stop trying to make this better than that. But finding something truly new means you get to try something new (or at least think about something new)!
And this is something else you may have to remember: you may be allowed to watch some things but not participate in them. For example, if I am in a Catholic church, I don't take part in communion (I have in the past, when I was a child, but I don't anymore). I feel like it is for the people who follow that faith, and unless specifically invited to join in, I just remain seated during that part of a service.
At other times, you may alter a practice, but it is polite to do it privately. When I attended church services, I would say my own prayers sometimes, but it was always silent. I would never try to talk over the other people praying, to make sure my voice was heard. That just isn't right, in my mind. But I don't have any problem with saying my own, silent, prayers to the deities I work with, when prayer time is called for.
People are scared of what they don't understand. The more we can come together, as a global community, share our celebrations and our beliefs, the more we can understand our fellow men and the less scary other practices will be. We expand our knowledge, our vocabulary, and when we meet new people, we have words to communicate our understanding of them, which helps bridge gaps that can otherwise form into disagreements based purely on misunderstanding.
We need to start looking for ways to come together, not ways to drive each other apart. We can't afford to keep picking fights with people because they look different, talk different, act different. We need to try to see where they are coming from, and a great way to start doing that is to look at what people celebrate. Celebrations are joyous events, and often mark important things. Knowing the roots of a celebration shows you what is meaningful to people, and how they express that.
So, if you are invited to a celebration, especially one that you don't really understand, don't automatically say no! Give it a chance, especially if it is being hosted by someone you would like to be closer to (or in a faith/culture shared by someone you care about). Ignorance is something that can be fixed, and exploring other tradition's celebrations is a fun way to combat it!
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