Embrace nostalgia

 Holidays can be a time fraught with all kinds of emotions, especially holidays like Thanksgiving that have a decidedly checkered past.  But they can also hold a lot of nostalgia and fond childhood memories, and we often try to capture those emotions in our adult life.

 

Whether you have happy memories of a holiday or are simply feeling wistful for that 'family holiday' that other people's families seemed to have,  you can seek out those emotions of family and celebration.  We can take the holiday as a time to put aside our troubles and woes of the day and just allow ourselves to enjoy the simple happiness of honoring an idea together.

And I know there is a lot of misinformation around some holidays.  They don't always represent the truth of what happened.  And we absolutely should recognize this fact and work to educate ourselves on what actually happened.

But I truly feel that the heart of a holiday isn't as simple as the stories we tell ourselves.  Especially when we have all these other emotions tied up into it.  Holidays often represent the idea behind them more than the history, and for one like Thanksgiving, we can turn to the story for the idea (that we should be thankful for our bounty and we should share what we have with people who don't have the same blessings).

The thing is...life is complicated.  So rarely is anything in life cut and dry, this or that...good or evil.  Things are tricky and one holiday may have a whole bundle of emotions rolled up into it.  We may remember some good years, and some bad years.  We might have family fights to block out or that one year when we were completely alone, or maybe we lost someone around the holiday and now it makes us a little sad.

I feel like holidays are one of those times where we can hold space for the rough stuff, but focus on the good.  We can recognize not only the issues there are with the first Thanksgiving story, acknowledge family drama, care for any trauma we might have around this time...and still enjoy a meal with friends and family, taking some time to think about all in our lives that we are grateful for.

I honestly think that holidays and celebrations throughout the year are vital to our mental and spiritual well-being.  We need these happy sparkling moments to make up for the drudgery of everyday life.  Holidays are often like rituals, they are time out of time.  

 

They are days that we set outside of our normal life. We put on nice (or extra comfy!) clothes, we gather with people we care about, and we eat good food and seek good times.  And that reset is necessary!  It gives us something to look forward to, a little goal or reward for doing all the stuff we do every day.

If you do anything long enough, you will end up with good and bad memories.  Good results can come from something that has a bad start.  But we can always choose which parts to focus on, and how we want to approach something.

And while I don't think it's healthy to always focus on the past, I do think that it is important to have touchstones to our past, and holidays do this in a couple of ways.  Firstly, they have roots, the first instance or the reason why we celebrate.  And we also have all the memories of every time we have celebrated before.  These all become beads on a string that represent the holiday.  

 

Every year, we have the chance to pull out our beads and hold them in our hands.  We can remember all the past years and reflect on how we have grown.  We can remember people who are no longer with us, and all the good times we had together.  We can embrace the nostalgia that comes up, and use it to temper any less pleasant memories that exist.

 

 It's important to not forget, and it's important to not let bad memories rob us of the good ones.  Take the time you need to sit with what comes up, but then allow nostalgia to coat you in feelings of warmth and safety.  It's okay to enjoy things, even if they have troubled pasts.

Familial gratitude

 Mabon is a time for recognizing the harvest and giving thanks, and some call it Pagan Thanksgiving.  We often acknowledge the things we are grateful for, the parts of our life that are abundant and plentiful, and sometimes even the tricky bits that we have learned from.  

And while Thanksgiving is often seen as a time of family, that is sometimes the one thing we fail to focus on, when it comes to gratitude:  family.  But, for better or worse, our family shapes who we are, both physically and mentally...and often spiritually as well.

Now, before we go any further, I want to state absolutely that you do not have to love and accept your family, especially if they are horrible to you.  You don't have to be grateful for the trials your family put you trough, even if you like who you are now and you can recognize parts of yourself that were forged in the fires of a hateful family.  In fact, if the emotional stuff is too hard, you might want to start with the more basic, physical stuff.

I am here because of my family.  Literally, I exist because they exist and their choices led to my being.  I can trace physical attributes to my family, my height from my dad's side, my dark hair from my mom's.  Starting with simple physical traits like this can be very helpful, especially if you have tricky relationships with your family.

If you are lucky, like me, and you have a good relationship with your family, you can start picking out good memories that make your life richer.  (note:  if you have family issues, it's okay to not be okay with your family and still have good memories...you can be grateful for those small moments....or not, but either way it's okay)  

Whether or not you are on good terms with your blood relations, you can absolutely extend the same awareness to your found or curated family!  Take some time to reflect on your most precious memories, to hold space for the gratitude for those parts of your life and history.

We can also be grateful for the people themselves, in all their flaws and imperfections.  I think this is one of the greatest things about growing up and being an adult...we can know that someone isn't perfect and we can love and appreciate them anyways.

With a lot of gratitude practice, it's most important to acknowledge what you are grateful for to yourself, you needn't tell other people.  However, with familial gratitude, I do think it's important to let other people know how grateful we are to them (assuming a moderately good relationship...if it's a toxic one, find other people to be grateful for!)

I think it's super easy to forget to say the things we feel in our hearts, and we all sometimes feel like the people in our lives maybe don't appreciate us the way we want to be appreciated, so taking time to let them know can mean the world, especially for people we may not be in as close contact with.

And, if you're anything like me, life sometimes sneaks up on you and you realize it's been months since you talked to someone.  It's not like you intended to go radio silent, you just forgot.  And even though modern technology makes it easier in some ways to keep in touch, it also makes it harder (because we have so much noise all the time, and we are in contact with so many people), especially if you have family or friends (or chosen family) that don't frequent the same social media circles (or sites) that you do.

It can be nice to reach out, to give someone a call or an email, or even get fancy and send a card or letter (and who doesn't like getting a nice letter in the mail!).  There are so many ways to tell someone how you feel about them, that you can find one that works for the both of you.  And sometimes, picking a method of communication that isn't your favorite can be a way to show you care (I don't like phone calls or video calls, and yet I make exceptions for family and certain friends).

Ultimately, if you leave something unsaid long enough, you may miss your chance.  So, when you are thinking of all the things in your life that you are grateful for, the things that make you who you are, don't forget to acknowledge your family (blood or chosen...or both!), and let them know how much their presence in your life means to you.  It will be worth it...for everyone involved!

The sacredness of everyday objects

 When we talk about things that are sacred, we often end up putting things on pedestals.  It reminds me a little of the 'company plates'...you know, the fancy ones that you only break out when company comes, or for holidays or other special occasions.  As a kid, I always looked forward to times when we would break out the company plates...even though it meant more work for me (the company plates couldn't go in the dishwasher of course, so they had to be hand washed and dried).

And there is something about special items that lends themselves to sacredness.  Often it's the extra work that does it.  Because something is special and not for 'ordinary use' we often have more rituals around how we use it.  Much like breaking out the company plates, we may think of ritual offerings as needing special containers, luxury ingredients, something handmade...rarely do we think of the simple everyday things that we use in our regular life.

But those everyday items have their own brand of sacredness.  Let's talk about bread for a minute.  I'll admit, I'm not always a fan of plain old sandwich bread.  It's a super staple, and we are more likely to have it on hand than some other fancy kind of bread.  But for almost everything, I will pick some other kind of bread if it's offered.  I've heard myself say "I don't really like bread...." and I'm always thinking of white sandwich bread.  The funny thing is, I don't really dislike white sandwich bread either, it's just that when thinking about bread, I think of sandwich bread first, and then my brain automatically compares it to the many other kinds of bread and I end up feeling a bit disappointed.

The thing is....I actually don't mind white sandwich bread.  One of my big comfort foods, especially when I'm feeling really off and needing something soothing, is two pieces of sandwich bread, and two pieces of processed cheese (you know, the ones that come wrapped in plastic).  Microwave until the cheese is melted then make a sandwich.  It's soft, it's gooey, and it's absolutely lovely.  (Amusing note:  I'm definitely a fancy cheese lover as well, but I have never disliked the 'cheap' processed cheese)

When I think about using bread for a ritual or offering....my first thought is never sandwich bread.  Even though, as I mentioned earlier, it's what we typically use around the house.  My brain thinks sacred and wants to use something 'more.'

Which I find at odds with how most of my practice is:  using what I've got and trying to entwine spiritual and mundane as much as possible.  I think a lot of it goes back to the early days, where all your spiritual tools were supposed to be special things, only used for ritual purposes.  I've had to fight my own brain along the way, to use tools that were also used for their intended purpose (my first athame was my pocketknife, which I carried with me for all kinds of things).

I know that it can sometimes be hard to see the sacred in everyday objects, especially if they are both terribly mundane as well as inexpensive.  It's like we have been trained to not honor the worth of things that fall into those categories.  This is one of those places where you might have to really sink into the work and recognize the sacredness of an item before you use it.

I find mindfulness practice can really help here (and working on mindfulness with regards to the sacredness of everyday objects can also help your mindfulness practice, which is great for emotional and mental stability...so it's a win/win!).  If you are looking at something, want to use it as a part of your practice, but are struggling with seeing it as sacred, then take a step back and try to see it with fresh eyes.

Really look at it, as if you had never seen it before.  Look at what colors are there, what texture it is, what it smells and tastes like.  Does it have a sound (or absence of sound....white sandwich bread is much quieter than, for example, a freshly baked crusty loaf of sourdough)?  Think about the role it plays in your life...what does this object let you do?  Think about how it makes you feel...and try to think of several different situations and how the object fits into them (like how sandwich bread is super available or I always remember peanut butter and honey sandwiches as travel food because they don't require refrigeration).

Simple, everyday objects can be super fascinating, when we slow down and take the time to appreciate them.  And not only as they are now, but the role they have played in our life.  Most of us are impacted SO much more by everyday objects than we are by things like company plates.  Sure, we had a matching set of fancy coffee/tea cups (with the little saucers)....and I can't remember ever using them (I'm sure we did, I just have no memories of them), but I can clearly remember the hodge podge of souvenir coffee mugs that we had accumulated over the years.  Those were a part of my life...the fancy cups weren't.

Of course, there is nothing wrong with wanting to have and use fancy objects for your sacred work.  I have some lovely, ornate tools that were handcrafted and I keep for special things.  But you are missing out if you don't also consider the everyday things around you...and how they impact not only your daily life, but how they could work into your sacred life as well.  So the next time you are looking for something to work with, don't overlook the things you use every day...you might surprise yourself in how meaningful they become, once you have seen them as sacred.

Sharing makes lean times better

 With Lammas around the corner, many people are thinking about the harvest, and with all that is going on in the world right now, many of us are facing a lean year.  While we may be able to make our bills and keep food on the table, we may also be cutting back extras or being especially mindful about what we are spending our money on.  And, of course, not everyone is that lucky.

But when times are lean, that is when we need to reach out and turn to our community (whether that is our pagan community, the local community or even the global online community).  Trying to handle lean times in isolation only makes them that much harder.

Sharing can mean different things to different people.  There are many ways we can share, and which we choose may depend on our individual circumstances (and the community that we belong to).  Sharing can be done physically, mentally or emotionally.

Let's talk physical.  This is the type of sharing we are taught in kindergarten, where if we have a candy bar and someone else doesn't, we can share what we have with them.  But we can also share community style, where everyone brings something to the table so that everyone can eat.  This reminds me of the story of stone soup, where it started with nothing but a pot and a stone, but everyone added a little something and soon there was enough to feed everyone.

 

Many people know it's best to buy foods in bulk, but if you have a small family that's not always practical.  However, if several households band together, they can buy things in bulk and then split the cost and products.  This enables you to take advantage of the savings without ending up with food that you can't eat before it spoils (or being in the position of not being able to afford buying enough of something to get the bulk price)

We can also share extras we have, either offering our excess to friends/family or to strangers (by donating to an organization).  I've always been one who prefers to pass items along to other people rather than throwing them out, especially for things I just don't care for (or maybe clothes that don't fit but are still perfectly usable).

Now, maybe you aren't in a position to share physically, but you can share mentally.  When I think of mental sharing, I think of helping other people find solutions to their problems.  I saw a big outreach of mental sharing with the baby formula shortage, where people were sharing their family recipes for baby formula.  I've also seen it with regards to combating food spoilage or making better use of limited ingredients.  Sometimes people have resources they don't recognize because they don't know how to use what they have.  Information is a powerful thing, but serves best when shared!

Emotional sharing is a way of helping to carry the burden of lean times.  It's emotionally draining to be in a lean space, and sometimes we just need to be able to share what we are going on....having someone to listen to us is often undervalued.  Emotional sharing is also a tricky place, and you always want to make sure you are giving as well as taking (if able!) so if you only ever talk about your troubles, you might find that the people who once helped you by listening aren't as willing to share their time with you if you never give them time to talk as well.

I also find that venting (because that's often what we need to do when we share emotionally) can become a downward spiral if you only focus on the bad stuff.  And I also know it can be extremely hard to be hopeful and upbeat when you are worried about making bills or putting food on the table.  I find that doing prosperity work when in a low place is doubly beneficial...not only do you really need the influx of prosperity in your life, but you need that shift in focus and that doing the work helps give you a sense of taking action (not just accepting what trials life throws your way).

Talking things out, especially in a group where everyone has time to share, can also lead to unexpected solutions.  We are absolutely stronger together, and what may be insurmountable for one person might be something that another person can easily help with.  That person may have an issue they can't handle, but someone else can.  By doing what we can, to help each other, we are all lifted up.

A lot of people feel like they should keep quiet when things get tough...that maybe they don't want to be a burden, or they are embarrassed about needing help, or they want to preserve their perfect image.  But we aren't meant to handle everything on our own, and there is nothing wrong with needing help sometimes.  Especially if you also look for ways to help others, in whatever form you are able to assist in.

Moderation in wild harvesting

 As human beings evolved from being hunter-gatherers to cultivating land and crops, we shifted our mindset when it comes to harvest.  With a planted field, it makes sense to harvest all that is available, especially as we became more specialized as a society and not everyone has a garden, so those who plant crops provide for many people, not just themselves.

But as Pagans, we often go out into nature and wild harvest, gathering plants, nuts fruits (and other bits and bobs) for our practice, and we need to make sure we are being responsible and mindful when we harvest from nature.

On a purely physical level, if we take everything we find, especially if we clear an area out of a particular plant or resource, we deplete the area.  This can not only make it harder for us to find the same things at a later date, but it can deprive the wild critters who live in that area from the things we have harvested as well.

On a spiritual level, we should always seek to give something back when we take, even if that something is a pour of fresh water, an expression of our gratitude and a blessing on the land so that it can provide for us in the future.

But I think it goes deeper than that as well.  When we wild harvest, we aren't devoting our time and energy to growing what we want to harvest, we typically are wandering about, hunting for what we seek.  And spending the time to consider what else may benefit from the things we are harvesting helps us build that connection to both the land and the other beings who dwell there.

Many of the things we wish to gather are plentiful, but when they are not, we need to be extra mindful of what we take.  If it's been a dry year, and the fruits are not in abundance, we may decide it best to take only a few things and to leave the majority for the native residents who might be relying on those foods to survive.

You may find that you also pick which things to harvest differently, in sparse years, depending on what you plan to do with your harvest.  If you are looking for edible things, then of course you want to find ones that are ripe and not damaged, but if you are looking for spell ingredients you might leave some of the best options for others who are searching for food, choosing to take damage or overripe options instead (especially if you are planning on transforming them in some way or if you are making use of the seeds and don't need your harvest to be pristine).

And if you are taking other materials, like stones or wood, it is always good to keep in mind where you are harvesting from.  If I am picking a branch from a tree, I can look for a branch that is growing in a difficult place or that perhaps has taken some damage already.  Don't just think about what you need, but consider what would help the tree (or at least what would cause the least harm).

I should also note that it is best if you do your research for any animal related things.  If you are wanting anything that might be part of an animal's home (like a bird nest or such), you may want to learn how to tell when a nest has been abandoned, so you aren't displacing someone.  Sometimes even spending too much time around an animal's home can disturb them (especially if they have young), so being aware of your environment and trying to disturb the natural world as little as possible is a great goal to keep in mind.

Nature has a lot to offer us, and in most cases more than we would need.  But that doesn't mean we should take it for granted, and we should always strive to work in harmony with the world around us, to share what is available, and to leave the world in a better state than we found it.  This will do so much more for our practice than that extra herb or stone.

Appreciating food

 Thanksgiving is a tricky time for a lot of people.  Firstly, family can be tricky, and even if you have a good relationship with most of your family, gathering them all together in one place can be a lot.  If you don't have a good family dynamic, you may be looking at a horrible family event, or missing out entirely (and wishing you had the kind of family that is often shown on tv).  And that's not even mentioning any issues with the holiday itself!

But underneath all the drama, I feel that the heart of Thanksgiving is about giving thanks.  And because it's a feast-based holiday where the food isn't just trappings added on at the end, it is a time where we can give appreciation for the food we have.

Food is another thing that is tricky for a lot of people.  Many people have food restrictions, that find their roots in medical, religious or monetary issues.  We may love foods that are unhealthy for us, or struggle with eating in some other way.  We might harbor guilt for having so many foods at our fingertips knowing that people in other areas of the world have so very little.  We may be envious of people who have more than we do.

Food is such a basic necessity, and yet it is also something that many people take for granted (especially if you have never had any issues with it).  It is ever present in our modern world.  We may complain about having 'nothing to eat' but still have a cupboard full of staples.  We may miss eating out when we still have access to frozen means or delivery.  We watch shows that show food in many forms, and in fact  have entire channels dedicated to food!

I am one of those lucky people who hasn't ever had to worry about starvation.  Like many people, there have been lean times, and I try very hard to not be wasteful with my food (for a variety of reasons, but one of them is absolutely the recognition of the fact that there are people in this world who would love any food that I might carelessly toss away).  I also have some food issues, I very much enjoy foods that aren't good for me and I have quite a bit of food anxiety (especially in regards to improperly prepared food, food spoilage or cross-contamination).

But on the whole, I recognize my food privilege and try hard to appreciate all the blessings I have, when it comes to food.  And for me, that starts with being more mindful of the foods we buy and eat.  One thing I think sometimes gets forgotten is that mindfulness doesn't always mean avoiding convenience foods or going super green.  I'm definitely not shopping in the all organic section or avoiding processed foods.

What it means, for me at least, is paying attention to what I am buying.  Being aware of both the healthiness of food and it's crave factor (and knowing which foods I'm likely to binge eat).  It's balancing cost and taste (obviously we try to shop in our budget, but we aren't at a place where everything needs to be the cheapest).  

Part of my personal food journey is thinking about my eating habits in a bigger picture sense.  I'm often home alone for breakfast and lunch, and I know I'm a grazer so I typically get hungry after dinner and before bed.  Which means I need to plan for all of that.  I also know that I'm a pretty basic eater in some ways (having the same food every day for breakfast is not a big deal, and often I prefer it as it means I don't have to decide what I want to eat).  

Food appreciation intersects with self care when I think about lunch foods.  There are lots of great, cheap options, but there are also some really appealing choices that aren't so bad when you price compare to, for example, grabbing a meal from a fast food place.  Part of my self-care and self-worth work is finding things that are slightly more pricey and reminding myself that I don't have to always pick the cheapest food.

Eating out is another place where food appreciation can be overlooked.  Eating out is often both convenient and sometimes can be cost effective.  It's one of those things that sneaks up on you, but sometimes when we plan meals at home, they end up costing us more than if we went out to eat.  On the other hand, fast food is often deceptive, and there are quite a few great sit-down places by us where we can eat as cheap (or sometimes cheaper) than if we grab vast food (and often I'll get two meals out of a sit-down meal, as I'll take leftovers home).

There's nothing innately wrong with either out, either at a fast food place or a sit down place.  But I think it's easier to take that food for granted as it's convenient.  With all the changes lately in how food places are managing to stay open (or not, as many places have either had to shut down completely or drastically change how they operate), many people are coming face to face with just how much they took for granted these places being at their disposal.

In some ways, Thanksgiving reminds me a little of Valentines day.  Both are 'once a year' holidays to recognize things we should be doing every day.  Just as we shouldn't wait until Valentine's day to tell the people we love that we love them, we shouldn't wait until Thanksgiving day to give thanks for our food.

Whether you want to incorporate some kind of mealtime prayer or gratitude, acknowledge your blessings as you do grocery shopping or simply take a moment as you prepare food (or order it, if you are going out) to recognize the bounty you have, expressing our gratitude helps us appreciate the food we consume more.  And having a solid appreciation for the foods we eat can help us maintain a healthy relationship with food...and ourselves.

Breaking free from our shell

 If there is one thing that is constant in life it is change, and change often comes as a result of growth.  Part of the growing process is moving out of where we are comfortable, it is leaving our safe haven behind and taking chances.  It might seem traumatic or scary, and there is often risk involved, but it is not only a necessary part of life, but also a very rewarding one.

There are many types of shells we might find ourselves in.  We build up barriers when we are vulnerable.  Sometimes this is because of trauma or to help protect ourselves from an actively dangerous situation, a sort of bunkering down. When the hazard has passed, we may find it more difficult that we thought to leave our safe place behind!

 

But other times, we build these walls so that we can expose very new and vulnerable parts of ourselves.  This is a gradual process, and at first we may not be ready to expose these bits to the word, and so we let them out, a little at a time, inside our own minds, where we can adjust to the new parts.  Even once we are comfortable in privacy, we may feel concern about showing these new developments to others.  We worry about what they will think about us, or if they will fight back, trying to make us return to who we were before.

The thing about a shell is that it is not only a barrier of protection, it is also a restriction.  You may feel (and be) safe inside it's walls, but you are limited in what you can do.  And sometimes this is worth it.  Take the recent lockdowns.  Many people chose to stay home, to keep themselves and the others in their community safe.  But as we start to see vaccines becoming available, we will be able to crack our 'shell' and start being more interactive again.  

And yet, we can cling to our small, safe world.  Looking out beyond our door, we may worry about how safe things actually are.  It is also a very common phenomenon that we have grown attached to our space, and the outside world that used to feel normal is now somewhat ominous.  Our perceptions have warped, and it can be hard to convince our minds that what used to be dangerous isn't any longer.

The thing with shells is that we don't have to smash them all to bits all at once.  We can poke a little hole, and peek outside and take the measure of the world.  Just because we 'can' go outside, doesn't mean we need to fly across the world or start attending huge parties.  We can dip our toes in, and start small.  We can limit our exposure to the space outside our shell to small forays, and when we start to feel uncomfortable, we can return to where we feel safe.

Sometimes, we may think we aren't ready, and the temptation is to remain inside our shell much longer than we need to.  We may start to feel constricted by our shell, like the walls are closing in on us.  But we still resist going outside, because we feel like however bad it is inside, it's worse outside.  This is another reason to take small steps outside, because it gives us a chance to test the waters.  We can go out for a little bit, and do something small, and then come back inside.  What is important is to honestly consider how we felt about the whole thing.  This is something we may want to do after a bit of time has passed, because it is very easy to fool ourselves while we are in an uncomfortable situation, but once we have had time to settle back in, we may look back and realize it wasn't so bad.

The thing about breaking free from our shells is that it is a matter of acclimatization.  It's like easing your way into a tub of cold water.  The first time you put your foot it, it feels freezing!  But if you keep dipping that toe in, every now and again putting it in a bit further, before you know it you will be sitting in the tub and you will feel fine.

Another big hurdle can be when you don't realize you are in a shell at all!  Sometimes, when we are thinking of a new project or wanting to change something about ourselves, we find ourselves shying away from actions that would actually bring the change into being.  We may tell ourselves it's not the right time, or that no one would be interested, or that it's too hard.  And we may not even realize how often we build up these little walls, that become a complete shell...because we refuse to see them.  But suddenly we turn around and it's been a year since we had that idea, and we keep shoving it down and not working on it.

The first thing you need to do, if you think you have an invisible shell, is look for signs of it.  This may mean actually writing down your ideas (and goals).  You will want to make sure you date things as well, because it's very easy to refuse to accept how much time has passed if you don't have a record of it.  It's like goal setting, you don't want to leave your goals open ended, because it's too easy to never get around to them (building up those walls!). 

Once you realize you have a shell built up, you can start working on finding it's dimensions.  Knowing exactly what is holding you back gives you a way to start dismantling it.  You will want to list all of the things that are stopping you from changing.  Start with a single list, but then it can be helpful to split the list into two categories:  one for things you can do stuff about, and one for stuff you can't.  You can take the list of things you can do stuff about and use it as a blueprint for a plan to move forward.  As for the other list, most often it is shadow work, things that either are groundless fears you can work through or they are worries about things that might not even happen (and building a contingency plan can help you move past them).

Shells can be helpful, they can keep us safe, but they also keep us locked in place.  When we want to grow or move forward, we need to be able to break free of our shells, but in a safe way, so we aren't setting ourselves up for failure.  Poke a hole, take a peek outside, and see if it's time to start making your way out into the world.  You may be surprised at what you find...

Don't stop at the first sign of victory!

 When we look at what is going on in the world today, there is a lot of cause for celebration.  Many people feel as if we have had a big win, and a collective sigh was released.  It's like that moment when you first see progress on the work you've been doing, and you want to celebrate!

And there is nothing wrong with celebrating...as long as you keep perspective of the greater goals.  Often, the first progress we see isn't lasting or permanent.  This isn't to say it can't become lasting or permanent, just that if you stop doing the work, the progress fades away.  It's like when you plant a seed, you spend all that time waiting, you water it every day and make sure it has sun and all it's nutrients...and when you see that first hint of green poking through the earth you know that your efforts haven't been in vain.  But if you stop watering it, if you don't keep giving it access to the light, the tender new growth will wither.

This is something we always need to keep in mind.  We need to be willing to stay the course, to keep working, even when we are seeing things start to change, we need to continue to push until we reach where we want to be.

I think this is especially true when we are working towards some long-term goal.  Maybe we want to be more financially secure, so we do spells and rituals geared at getting us in a better place, money wise.  And then we get a new job (with better pay) or a raise.  The temptation is to think the spells have worked, and to stop.  But it's actually still at the start of the venture!  You need to stay the course until you are actually secure, where you want to be and able to maintain it.

Think of it this way:  it's often easier to keep a fire burning than it is to have to keep relighting it.  Sure, if you stop working, you can always start it up again, but you really have to start over.  You can't just jump back in where you were at (especially if you've tidied up or disposed of your spell working bits).  Even if everything in is in place, think about what must have happened for you to realize that you weren't where you want to be.

Often our path to progress is a very windy road, with lots of ups and downs.  We make a little progress forward, but then we start to backslide.  It's when we are moving backwards that we most often feel called to get back to working, but even when we are moving forward, we can use our work to help create stable momentum.  Then, when we would start to move backwards, we already have energy moving us forward and it is harder to fall prey to those slumps!

Now, I'm making a distinction here between extended, continual workings and regular fire and forget type work.  A lot of spells are one-offs.  We do the spell, we send the energy out into the world, and we trust that it will do what is needed.  In fact, a lot of spells can suffer from continued poking...because every time you go back to them, you need to keep the same intense focus as the first time, and if you let your thoughts become muddied or start wandering down the 'what if' rabbit hole, you start sending energy towards different outcomes and everything just gets messy.

In between one-off spells and continual workings we have set-time work.  This would be stuff like 7 day candles or working on something for a full moon cycle.  You know how long you are going to be working with the thing when you start, it's not dependent on your results.  These give you a little bit of the benefits and drawbacks of both one-off and continual workings.  You need to keep your focus tight for a specific period of time...that is what makes these types of spells more powerful.  But, they are more like one-off spells in the sense that it is like taking a single spell and breaking it into bits, and each time you work, you do one of the bits.  This can make harder things more manageable.

When I think of continual or long-term magic, I tend to think of healing and global issues.  With healing, you don't know exactly how long it will take to finish the healing, because everyone heals at their own rate.  We often keep a healing going until a person is fully recovered, using their base-line health as a measure of what 'well' means to them.  I think of weight issues as being a form of healing...because you are wanting to return to a healthy weight.  But because healing is such a tricky thing, with many issues that can come up, you really want to keep working at it until the final result is achieved, not just the first signs of healing.

With global issues, I think the people like to get caught up in the big causes when they are at their worst.  When things are looking the darkest, we band together and make a magical stand against what we feel can't be tolerated.  But we often then don't follow up.  We try to approach these huge issues with one-off spells, and even if you get thousands of people working together from around the world...one time is often not enough!  

I almost always think of any type of energy work as trying to swim with currents in a river.  With group work, you are all in a boat together....rowing.  But still, the river and it's currents are not only the natural flow of energy in the world...but also every other person who is thinking, acting or working towards a different goal than the people in your boat.  Some of them might not be pushing directly against you, but they may be pushing you to the side.  And some will be crashing right towards you, wanting nothing more than to shove you as far back as they can.

The problem is that no matter how big a push you give...when you stop working, when you stop rowing, the current still pushes back.  Until you have reached your destination, until the world has accepted whatever change you are trying to enact...you have to keep rowing.

While this idea isn't completely centered around what is going on in the world today, I do want to finish with a bit of a thought.  If things have been going on over the past years (or decades...or centuries) that you don't agree with...things you are willing to work against....don't stop when a small victory is gained!  Even though we might be moving in the right direction right now...if we stop, we will be pushed back and we will loose what we have gained.  And in the smaller sphere, if you are doing personal work, and you hit that first big win (but aren't quite where you want to end)...keep working!  

It is tempting to want to take a break, to stop the work for a while, and to coast on the victory, but that can be harder in the long run.  Instead, think of it as rounding that corner to where you can see the finish line.  This is the time to push, the time to keep working and keep moving forward!  There is plenty of time to celebrate and rest when the work is done.

Heartfelt Gratitude

 

Gratitude practice is something that many people work with.  Listing a few things you are grateful for, at the end of every day, has become a sort of mainstream practice.  You can find these types of prompts in a lot of planners and journals.  Doing 30 days of gratitude is a challenge that many people take up, especially in November (because of Thanksgiving).

But, I think that we often stay on the surface, when it comes to being grateful.  We give thanks, we say the words, and on some level we feel them, but we don't really open ourselves to the fullness of the emotion.  We may enjoy the feeling of gratitude for a few moments, and even that has a lot of benefits, but before too long we move on and we let those feelings slide away.

Gratitude is also something that many people do in solitude.  If we are taking up a gratitude practice, we may think about or write down what we are grateful for, but it never goes any further than that.  We don't take time to share what we are grateful for with our family or friends, we almost hoard them.  I think often we are slightly ashamed of the things we are grateful for, especially if they are something that we feel is trivial or slightly odd.

But we also don't tend to tell other people what blessings they bring into our lives, the things that they do that we are grateful for.  We may be uncomfortable speaking up about our emotions, or we may feel that saying something puts the other person in an awkward position, or we may feel like it leaves us obligated to them...or we may think that they surely know that we are grateful for the things they do.

Sharing our gratitude can be a huge step in really embracing the essence of gratitude.  True gratitude doesn't hold any obligation.  In fact, if you feel like you need to give back, you are missing the point a little.  Gratitude isn't about making things even, you aren't paying someone back for the things you are doing, you are instead making yourself open, you are accepting with grace, you are allowing other people to care for you, and that is a very beautiful thing.  By feeling like you owe something back, you are taking a way a bit of the emotion that the person is trying to convey to you.  Instead of making it a sign of care, you are making it a transaction.  

Now, that doesn't mean you should only ever accept things from other people.  Of course you should do what you feel moved to do as a sign of caring about them.  But let those actions be from the heart, let them be based on your internal feelings, not simply a reaction to the things that person has done for you in the past.  

The easiest way to keep yourself heart-centered is to stop thinking about the actions and start focusing on the feelings.  If someone bakes you cookies when you are feeling down, of course you may love the cookies and enjoy eating them, but I bet that you are much more warmed by the fact that they thought of you, they took the effort to bake (or buy!) something for you, and then they brought it over and gave it to you.  It's actually not about the cookies at all, it's about the caring that the cookies represent.

Expressing gratitude should never be done out of obligation.  I remember, when I was little, anytime I received a gift from family, I was expected to write a thank you letter.  Of course I was grateful for the gifts received, but at that age, translating those feelings into true gratitude wasn't something I knew well how to do.  I wrote my thank yous, and in my own child-like way I did mean them, but I also pretty much wrote the same words every time:  "Thank you for the gift, I like it very much, this is what I like best about it."

Today, if I receive a gift, or someone does something extra for me, I often like to write a thank you card, but it's not about writing a rote message out of obligation anymore.  I try to capture the things I am feeling, how the gift made me feel cared for and thought about, and put those words onto paper so the other person knows how much their gift moved me.  

I think we live in a time where we don't think about thanking people so much.  We say the words, but how often do we really think about gratitude and what it means to be grateful for something.  

This is the perfect year to take a step back and look for those things in our lives that make us truly grateful.  We may be in the middle of great struggles or hard times, but I bet there are little things, even if they are few and far between, that make our hearts shine.  It might be someone taking the time to fix you a plate of food and bring it to you so that you don't have to get up or it might be a thing that is pretty and makes you smile to look at it.  Whatever the things that make your heart glad, embrace them!

Take some time to really think about what lights up your life, and then let those feelings of gratitude fill you up.  Perhaps you will feel moved to share those feelings with people who inspired them.  Or maybe you will want to share your feelings with other people who will understand (if you are grateful for a hobby or art that makes your life better you might find other fans to connect with).  Let your feelings of gratitude linger, don't just say the words and let the feelings fade.  The more you can surround yourself with the gratitude you are feeling, the more resilient you will be towards the less pleasant parts of life.

Adjusting balance

 Balance is one of those concepts that many people strive for, like peace and happiness.  But it's not a clearly defined thing, and can be a struggle to achieve.  We may have this romantic image of a 'balanced' life, as a tightrope walker poised in stillness on their rope, or a plate divided into equal sections.  But balance is a fluid thing, and it is ever-changing.  If you watch someone walking a rope, they aren't ever really still, the robe is constantly shifting, and they are making tiny corrections to stay balanced.  And if we try to give all things equal time or attention, we don't end up balanced, because different activities have different needs.

I've actually found myself using the world balanced less, in favor of 'harmony'.  I think both seek to capture a similar state of being, where all the parts of your life are working together, and each individual one is as optimized as possible.  But where balance implies that sense of equality and stillness, harmony speaks to me more of entwining and music, of a shifting dance that becomes something beautiful, but only if each piece is giving the correct focus at the right time.

With the Autumn Equinox just around the corner, many people are thinking about balance.  In particular, we talk about this time of equal day and night, and of the tipping point between the light half of the year and the dark half.  But really, the light and dark aren't out of balance the rest of the year, they are just weighted differently.  In the summer, we embrace the long days, but we often crave that darkness and coolness that comes with dusk, just as we reach towards the light during the darker parts of the year.

If we think about the areas of our life, we often talk about finding a balance....between home and work, between solitary time and time with others, between work and play.  There are so many things to keep balanced, it can be quite the juggling act to keep up.

And that is a wonderful image to consider, because juggling is all about adjusting and adapting...and keeping all the balls under control.  I was going to say moving, but there are lots of fancy juggling tricks where, at one point or another, one of the the things being juggled is taken out of the rotation for a bit.  The sword is held in the teeth for a few rounds, and then swept back into the mix.  Or one apple is thrown a lot higher, so all the rest get cycled through before that one comes back.  And talented jugglers can manage to juggle objects that are dissimilar, instead of three beanbags, they juggle an apple, a sword and a beanbag....and that means they have to adjust to the shape and weight of each individual object.  

But what really makes this analogy shine is the fact that even when doing simple juggling, it's not just a matter of tossing some balls in the air and catching them.  Each time you touch a ball, you have to feel how it is doing, and make sure you send it on the right path.  Each time around is different from every other time, and it's all about the adjustments.

We want to be able to just make out a plan and 'balance' everything.  We want that platter with a nice little section for every part of our life, each thing staying to it's own partition, and the perfect space for them all.  We want to be able to lay everything out and then be done, to 'be' balanced.

But life isn't simple and tidy, and it is constantly throwing us curve balls.  So many people are facing this issue of balance right now, because the life that they had created, the one that was working, has been shoved all out of wack.  They don't have clear lines between work and home, they may be having to spend more time helping their kids figure out their own balance (between school and play), they may be struggling to find that alone time they need to counter all the enforced together time.

The lovely thing about looking for harmony is you can accept that some notes are stronger than others....but all notes need a break or breather.  When you look at your life, don't just look at where different parts of your day need to be focused on, but actively search out those down times.  The pauses often make the music, and the rest time in your day makes everything else flow.

Sometimes it's as simple as setting (and sticking to...) start and stop times.  It is really easy for work to bleed over onto every waking moment if you let it....or for play to never end.  But if you make a point to only work until dinner time, or to play from breakfast to lunch, that helps you create those limits and allow for other things to have their time.

Also, having those boundaries set up means that when something comes along to challenge them, you are more capable at handling it, because you have experience navigating those waters.  If you don't work after dinner, but you have a non-negotiable online meeting at 10pm, then you can make and adjustment.  Perhaps that day, to compensate for the after dinner work time, you take the afternoon off.  Or if your child is having a particularly rough day, struggling with a subject in school time, you may encourage them to take an early break.  Perhaps you can have a snack and play a short game together.  This breaks the negative thought cycle, gets their mind refreshed and lets emotions settle.  Even if they spend a bit longer later on finishing up the lesson, it's less stressful than trying to push through and keep to the schedule.

Having flexibility is integral to finding your personal balance, the harmony of your life that lets all things have their own time and place.  It gives you the strength to build healthy boundaries, stick to them when necessary but also to shift them as required.  And that is a much stronger 'balance' than trying to shove everything into an 'equal' partition and pushing for that unachievable stillness.

Harvesting a fallow year

As we pass Lugnasadh and start into the harvest part of the year, we may be struggling to find the bounty this year.  It has been a hard year for so many people, and a strange year, and things just don't feel right.  We are facing issues that we haven't ever had to deal with in our lifetimes, and so much is thrown off balance, trying to celebrate the harvest can feel monumental.

I feel like we are the closest to understanding how our ancestors felt, during years of bad harvest.  When something happened and the fields didn't give enough to put away for the winter, and it wasn't just going to be a lean year, but there was this knowledge that many people wouldn't see the spring.

Celebrating the harvest and honoring the cycle of the year will be just as different as everything else this year.  We are firmly reminded that even though the Sabbats honor the turning of the wheel, it isn't actually a proper circle, it is a spiral, it is coming back around but also being in a different place, and we are definitely in a different place than we were last year.  And honoring the harvest doesn't only mean the good times, but recognizing what is and deciding how we move forward.

For me, a big part of this is drawing a firm line between what I can control and what I can't.  There is a lot going on right now that I can't control.  I can't control what the virus does, I can't control what the government does, I can't control what restrictions are placed on me, or what the other people in my town do. 

Acknowledging what I can't control is really just the first step to letting it all go.  Yes, I am upset about all of these things, and some of them make me rightly mad.  But what am I doing with those emotions?  If I am just holding onto them, then they are poison to me.  They are me giving up the control I have and allowing my circumstances to conquer me.

On the other hand, if I start asking myself what I can control, I can control what I choose to do, giving my circumstances.  Shall I do my part to keep myself and those around me safe?  Shall I find ways to turn my anger into action and work towards changing things?  Shall I sit with my feelings, and sort out what they are trying to tell me?

I think a big part of our harvest for the year is a reminder that we may not see the results of our actions for a long time, and we still have to put in the work.  So much of the 'harvests' in our life are subtle, and sometimes feel mysterious.  We do stuff at work, but we may work hard for many years and not see any signs that we are moving ahead in our job.  We might put money aside, but problems keep coming up and that money slips through our fingers, no matter how hard we try to save it.

What we are seeing right now, across the country, is how the actions we take from the start effect how things turn out in the end.  We are seeing what over-reaction and under-reaction looks like (sometimes in the same place!)  We are realizing how important action is but also accurate information and knowledge...and we are seeing the effects of blind ignorance.

The harvest this year might not be physical, we may not be counting our blessings and seeing the bounty in our lives the way we normally do.  We might be looking back at the past year and wondering how we made it as far as we did and how we are going to make it through the next few months.  We may be starting to think about the turning of the year in a very different light.

But harvest time is a time of reflection, and it is time to look back, and to really think about what has happened this year.  To take an accounting of what we started with, and where we are at now...and where we are going. 

There is a tendency, when things get bad, to avoid looking.  Because if we actually see what is going on, then it's real.  If we distance ourselves from it, if we hide from the truth or distract ourselves with fantasy, then we don't have to deal with the harsh reality.  But reality is funny in that just because we avoid acknowledging it, doesn't mean it goes away.

Honoring the harvest means opening our eyes.  It means really addressing what is going on in our lives, and what has been going on in our lives over the course of this year.  It means making plans for the rest of the year, and trying to find ways to do our best to see the next spring (whether that is an actual spring of a metaphorical one).

It also means finding the blessings that might be hidden under all the chaff.  When the harvest is light, it is easy to loose the valuable grains, but it is more important than ever to find each and every one.  I think that when things are crazy and horrible and it feels like everything is burning, that is the time when we most can benefit from counting our blessings, from actually stopping and listing out each and every thing we can think of that in any way makes our lives better.

It's times like this that shift your perspective, that make you appreciate all the tiny things that often go unnoticed.  So stop, and really seek out the parts of your life where there is bounty, where there is goodness and where you have found value.  And write it down!  It is so easy to forget the blessings when the next wave of sorrow hits, but we can turn back to our journal, we can read our own words and remember. 

Time release magic

Most of the time, when we work our magic, we are doing a single-release style of magic.  We light a candle and call energy towards a single focus and send it out.  We take the ritual action and make the magic and it's done.

But, there are also lots of things that we do that function as time-release magic.  Making a spell bag, that you carry on you, is a sort of time release magic.  It's not a one and done, the magic continues as long as the bag stays charged and is carried.  7-day candles are another great example, and one many people are familiar with. 

Both freezing and unfreezing spells are also time-release.  If you set up something to be frozen, that takes time, it is a more gradual effect (and also ongoing, as long as the object remains frozen).  When you unfreeze something, it also takes time, slowly releasing the thing from your spell.  The advantage to both of these is that there is a period of acclimation, and not only does it give the target some time to adjust, it also makes it harder to resist (we are less likely to notice gradual changes and fight back).

We may approach our seasonal observations as a sort of time release spell, especially if we have one large goal that we are working on, throughout the year.  At each Sabbat, we might take an inspired action, something that will build upon what we've done previously.  Or we may work through a moon cycle, to dream up, work on and appreciate a goal.

One project I have done, that I really enjoyed was making a Sabbat wishing tree.  You start, at Yule by picking a nut (in the shell) to serve as your seed, and anointing, recognizing it as a blank slate.  And then you make a wire tree form, with the nut forming part of the ground that the roots wrap around.  At Imbolc you make your wishes, picking three to five things you want to work on over the year.  You can make tiny spell bundles for each, or write your wishes on ribbons, or make small representations of them (I did origami, you could also do salt dough effigies).  Hang these from your tree.

At Ostara you add green leaves to your tree, and as you add each leaf, you think about your wishes growing, and what you can do to help them mature.  At Beltane you add tiny buds to each branch, representing your wishes starting to come to fruition, and at Litha you replace those buds will fully matured flowers.  By now, your wishes should have started manifesting.  At Lughnasadh, you replace the flowers with dried flower buds or withered flowers, bless each bud, thanking them for the harvests you have received.  At Mabon you take the withered flowers off and lay them at the base of the tree, again thanking each for bringing their bounty into your life, and at Samhain, you remove the leaves from the tree, adding them to the withered flowers.  Remove your wishes and burn them, saving the ashes to nourish next year's tree.  On subsequent years, you can take the nut from last year and plant it outside, along with any leaves or flower bits (that are safe to bury).

I find workings like this to be a really great way to break up big goals into smaller steps, and still have a well defined working, that allows you to not only see progress but celebrate every step of the way.

Another lovely Sabbat themed idea I've seen is a gift, where you wrap a present for each Sabbat in reverse order, in one big ball.  So you would wrap  a Samhain gift, then several layers of paper, then a Mabon gift, etc....until you get to Yule.  When you gift it to someone, they unwrap until they get to that Sabbat's gift, which they then enjoy.  You can add extra blessings into the wrappings, writing inspirational quotes on them or turning them into wishing papers (with blessings/wishes written on them, that the person can burn to release the blessing).  Gifting like this takes the magic of caring about someone and stretches it out throughout the whole year, it is something that you can do to remind someone they are cared about, not just during traditional gifting seasons.

Now, some might say this isn't really magic, but I think that gifting is a form of magic.  All gifting is an exchange, whether you think you are receiving something in return or not.  And when you give from your heart, you are putting your energy into it.  You are blessing the person receiving your gift, with the intent that they find joy in what they are being gifted.  This is a wonderful form of blessing and love magic, because love isn't always about romance or sex, sometimes it is about caring about someone and wanting them to feel special.

Both those Sabbat ideas are sort of a building process.  You start with one thing, and over time you build on it.  I also like countdown type magic, where you pick a final date that is a significant observance (like a holiday), and you do something each day to mark that there is one less day until the event.  There are many celebrations that light one candle a day to mark the passage of time, but you could also do this in reverse, so on the first day, you set out and bless all the candles, one for each day of the observance, but then you only burn one completely (you might want to light them all briefly and extinguish them one by one, saying something about how you are saving them for later, until only one is lit, and then let that one burn out completely). 

You could also do this with blessed food or drink.  Make sure you pick foods that will hold up well, like chocolate pieces (which can be inscribed with symbols or words to represent what you are taking in), or fruits or nuts (many of which can also be inscribed on the rind/peel or shell).  This type of magic works really well when you want to take on several attributes of a thing (for example if you were wanting to deepen your relationship with an animal spirit, you might find some food that reminds you of the animal, and bless each piece with a different trait that animal has, so you can then consume and take into yourself those traits, one by one).  It is also good if you are building yourself up for an event that you feel you need help in several areas (you might brew up a special tea, and then bless a sugar cube for each day leading up to your event, each cube marked with a symbol you feel you need, like bravery or calm nerves, and then every day you can pour the tea over the sugar cube and drink it, focusing on feeling the thing represented by the sugar cube).

Some knot spells are also considered time release magic.  You charge a string, call up your intentions, and bind them in each knot as you tie it.  Then, whenever you want to draw on your intention, you untie a knot and release that part of the spell.  The energy is held in the string, ready to use, until you need it.  You can untie more knots if your need is stronger.

The advantage to this kind of spell is that you can set it up ahead of time, and it is ready when you need it.  You might charge a cord with grounding calm, so that when you untie a knot it loosens the hold of anxiety on you.  Or you might charge a cord with healing, so that untying a not helps sooth a headache or speed recovery from a cold.  These are all things that you might not feel well enough to work on while you are in the midst of them, so having the magic set up ahead of time, to be released at a later date, is very handy.

And finally, time release magic is great for things you want to be ongoing.  I see most forms of protection as a time release thing.  You want the protections to keep working, to continue sending out protective energy.  You aren't just releasing a flash of protection, like sending out a single pulse of light, rather you want to turn the light on and keep the darkness at bay.  With spells like this, there is often a need to refresh your spell.  You might want to recharge your protections every month, or if you feel they are being used up more quickly you might do them weekly or even daily.

I do daily protection not only on myself, in the form of shielding and blessing, but also on my house.  I say chants and affirmations every day to reinforce these protections so that they stay 'on' and continue to lend their protection throughout my day.

Time release magic allows you to stretch out your workings, so they aren't just a flash in the pan.  They become an ongoing thing, either maintaining their effect or building up or counting down to an event.  They allow us to work on bigger projects without needing to do the work all at once.  They give you options, the versatility to choose how, and when, you want your magic to take effect.

Secular versus Religious holidays

We are firmly in what I think of as the Holiday season.  Even though, as a Pagan, I celebrate a holiday every month and a half, this time from Halloween until Valentines, just feels like the whole world is rushing from one holiday to the next.

Everything is holiday themed, and not only that, we experience holiday creep.  I understand why many people might not spend as much time on Halloween (okay I understand it in theory *grin), but there is this desire to start pushing the next holiday before the last one has even finished.  The fact that we have Christmas things being highlighted in stores in October is crazy to me.

Now, when I think of secular versus religious holidays, I am mostly thinking about the mass marketed versions of holidays compared to the actual traditions we hold dear and practice.  Even when I was little, Christmas at home was different from Christmas in the greater world.  My childhood memories of Christmas aren't as much about the gifts (yes, I was a child, I loved gifts...but gifts were only a small part of Christmas), but the whole process.

I loved it from the moment we broke out the boxes of decorations.  We always put up a tree, but we also had a nativity, we had a (reusable) advent calendar we did every year (and if I was lucky I got a chocolate advent as well!), we hung garlands all over the house.  We put lights in the windows and on the bushes out front. 

And it was a process.  We put on holiday music and sang while we decorated.  We baked cookies and bread to give as gifts.  We had eggnog and lit fires in the fireplace.  We gathered with family to celebrate and eat and spend time together.

Outside the house, it was all consumerism.  Buy this stuff, then buy this other stuff.  In the greater world, nothing about Christmas was actually about the holiday itself, it was all just trying to get you to buy things.  And that is a pretty common theme with a lot of secular holidays.  We push all these things that are being sold, even for holidays that don't traditionally require stuff.

I feel like we sometimes forget what holidays are even about.  We are so busy handling all the stuff, we neglect the actual heart of the holiday.  Thanksgiving isn't about family time anymore or giving thanks, it's about all the sales (for Christmas).  Veterans day isn't about remembering and honoring our soldiers but about buying ribbons (which sometimes don't even benefit soldiers, there are a lot of horrible scams out there that prey on people's desire to fit in and do good).  Valentines isn't about spending time with your loved one but buying stuff to 'prove' how much you love them.

And sometimes it can be hard to juggle all of this!  Thanksgiving comes at the end of the three harvest festivals for Pagans, so we have already celebrated the harvest and given thanks.  But many of us still do Thanksgiving with our non-Pagan families.  Instead of taking it as a literal time to give thanks for the bounty of the season, we can take the time to focus on our gratitude for the family we have (whether it is our blood family or our chosen family, or both!). 

We almost always do something for Thanksgiving, even if it's just a meal we planned ahead of time.  It's not always a huge deal (this year we are making chili, yum!), and depending on work schedules we may not do much more than eat.  If we have time, we do like to do family stuff on holidays, like play board games or watch movies together...really just spending time doing the things we like to do.

And to me, that is what a lot of secular holidays are about.  They may have roots in other things, but they are often community builders in some way.  They remind us to think about our loved ones, to remember our soldiers, to honor our dead, to acknowledge the people who came before us and made our country into what it is.  Each and every holiday calls us to focus on one particular community, and to appreciate it.

Community is what binds us together.  Holidays help us keep those community connections, they help build strong societies that care about each other.  Without holidays, we might forget the sacrifices that have been made in the past and continue to be made every day.  It is very easy to get caught up in our own lives, to think only about what directly effects us, and to not remember that there are a million things and people that are working day and night (and have worked throughout our history) to give us the life we have today.

With religious holidays, we place a greater importance on looking at why we are celebrating, and I think that bringing that emphasis back into secular holidays will make them have more impact.  New Years shouldn't just be a day to justify getting drunk, but celebrating a new start, a brand new year, a new chance to create the life we want to live.  Valentines shouldn't be a day to make up for the rest of the year or buy your way into your loved one's graces, but a celebration of the emotions that bond you together.

Over the years, we have lost the soul of our holidays, but we can bring them back.  If we look into the origins of the holidays, if we think about what they mean, not only when they were first celebrated, but the evolution of that meaning in our current day and age.  Some holidays have changed, and have taken on new meanings. 

Keeping that meaning in mind, we can then start bringing that message into our celebrations.  We can search out ways to honor those energies and experiences in our lives, to reach out and support the people who are being recognized, and to infuse our activities with power, instead of just buying a themed decoration and then tossing it without a thought when the holiday is over, already looking towards what we need to buy for the next one.

Letting go without loosing yourself.

We are entering the season of retreat, of letting go, of  hibernation.  This month there is a lot of remembrance going on, between Veteran's Day and Thanksgiving, we may be spending more time reminiscing.  The world around us is loosing it's color, and often the skies are gray. 

If you follow the cycles of the year, we are looking at culling, at what we are releasing as we get ready for the time of rest and look towards the fresh start of the new year.  Often, this time of year is a mess of family events and holiday planning, and we can feel completely overwhelmed.

Letting go can be extraordinarily healthy.  We can't cling to every thing we have picked up or become over the years, because life is constantly thrusting new things on us, and eventually we have to let some go.  We have to set boundaries and say no to things, sometimes not because we don't want to, but because we don't have the capacity to do them on top of all the other things we need or want to do.  But sometimes we have to say no because something truly doesn't serve us, even if it has been a big part of our identity for a long time.

Letting go can be really hard.  The longer you have held onto something, the harder it is to let go.  We are sometimes forced to let go of things that we consider a part of us, a piece of the puzzle that makes us who we are.  And when we no longer have that piece, we feel hollow, as if we are missing a part of ourselves.  We may struggle with our sense of self and have to figure out new ways to embrace our lives.

In the best of worlds, we control our transitions and boundaries.  We are the ones in the driver's seat, we are the ones deciding what and when we let go.  This allows us to prepare, to take on that transition in our own way, whether we prefer a slow adjustment or a quick walking away.  We can mentally prepare, and do some of the work ahead of time, so that when we let go, we have tempered ourselves to the process and it's not so much of a shock to our system.

But other times, we have no choice, and we are just pushed into things and we have to do our best to adjust.  This can be really disorienting, even if we knew that a change was on the horizon, but more so when it takes us completely by surprise.  The rug gets pulled out from beneath us, and even if we manage to keep our feet, we have to fight to regain our balance.

Our most primal instinct is to try to rebuild ourselves, to clutch all the pieces remaining and to try to keep on going as we had before.  But we no longer have the same pieces, and we may find ourselves torn between the impulse to pretend everything is fine, and to go on with pieces missing, where we are slowly leaking every day, and someday something will happen that will shatter us completely, or to just drop everything and fall apart, because if we can't be the same person, then we don't know who we are.

But there is always a new piece, a new thing that you can use to rebuild yourself.  You might already have it, sitting right there at your feet.  If you are leaving a relationship, you can now embrace your single life.  If you are changing jobs, there may be a new job or there may be more time to explore your hobbies while you look for a new one.  Sometimes we really have to look for that piece, especially when loss hits us hard. 

When we loose someone near and dear to us, especially someone that fundamentally changes how we refer to ourselves (a spouse, a parent, a child), we may feel like we can no longer claim the titles of daughter/son, wife/husband, mother/father.  For some people, moving on requires accepting that and embracing the new status.  They never forget, but they find their joy through new freedoms and experiences.  For others, they find their piece by keeping those ties and adjusting to the new way they manifest. 

When these kinds of changes hit us, often we withdraw.  It is so intensely personal that we feel like no one can understand what we are going through.  And on some level that is correct.  No one can tell you what YOU are feeling about a change or loss, but on another level people who are going through a similar loss can empathize, they can talk about what they are struggling with, and even if your struggles are different, you feel a little less alone because you know that someone else is facing something similar.

I find that getting things out of my head is really key.  For me, most of the time, it is enough to get the words and emotions out on paper.  I can journal or write things out and that forces me to get them on paper in words.  Or I can do some kind of related art project for things that I feel are not well expressed in words.  Sometimes I need to talk about it, with other people.  I don't always need people to give me advice or even share what I am going through, sometimes it is enough to get the words out and be heard.

I think one really key point is to keep coming back to the question "Who am I"?  We often want to define this in terms of our relationships to other people, or what we can do/accomplish.  We use words and titles like mother or artist or friend or salesperson, and those aren't always things we are, they are things we do. 

I am a mother, but what does that really mean?  We often see the reminders that it isn't biology that makes you a parent, so what does?  I see my motherhood as wanting to guide my son to be a good person, to protect him from harm and yet allow him room to grow into his own person, I want to do things that show that I care, and to make sure that he knows he is loved.  And while our relationship is changing, as he is stepping more and more into the adult world, many of these things will never change. 

I am having to learn how to step back and allow him to make his own choices and mistakes, and to be there in a less active way.  I am still there, and if he has questions or needs advice, I am happy to help.  But more and more I am focused on giving him tools to help himself rather than giving him answers or doing things for him. 

When I sit and think about who I am, I will always be a mother, but mother is not an active role in my life.  Caring is and always will be, and for me, at the heart of mothering is caring.  I see myself 'mothering' other people in my life, because I care for them and want them to be well and happy.  And caring is something that is a core part of myself, so even though I am loosing the part of me that is the daily ins and outs of being a Mother, I will always take care of the people in my life, because that is who I am.

Interestingly, the other place that loosing the daily routine of being a Mother hits my life is in the daily routine part.  With a child, there are some fairly specific patterns that are in place.  There are school times and bed times and holidays and weekends, and the child forms the rhythms of your life, and you build around them (because often, as a parent, you have little say in some of these times).  As a no longer parent (even though son is still at home for the time being), my days have become a lot more freeform.  I can sleep and wake when I want, I can eat (mostly lol) when I want, and I can organize my days however I see fit. 

This has been a bit of an adjustment for me, because I do well with structure, and left to my own devices I tend to do things in huge clumps.  I might get busy working on something and forget to eat.  I will definitely be up at 3am.  I do keep hubby's work schedule in mind, but other than that I have so much freedom that it sometimes comes back to bite me.  I have had to become more strict with my own planning so that I don't completely forget the stuff I have to do.

No matter what type of letting go you are doing, coming back to your sense of Self, to the question of "Who am I?" allows you to have that anchor that keeps you grounded.  It gives you that core that you can build around.  The stronger your sense of Self, the more you look inside and whittle away all the titles and descriptors and get to the essence of YOU, the more you are able to flow with change, to let go and still keep strong in who you are. 

Apples!

With Mabon fresh upon us, it is the season for apples!  Apples are a staple fruit, one almost all of us are familiar with from childhood.  Chances are you had apples for snacks, they are a sweet treat, very portable, and can be found pretty much year round.

Apples also have a very strong presence in myth and legend.  However, it is good to remember that the word 'apple' was a sort of generic term used for hundreds of years as a catch all for fruit (and possibly other things like nuts).  So some of the tales about apples might actually have referred to other fruits!

Even in our modern world, there are traditions about apples.  When I was a child, it was a common practice to twist the stem off of an apple, to find out what letter started the name of the person you would marry.  Another similar tradition was to cut the peel off of an apple in one long strip, and drop it to the floor and see what letter (or other shape) was made...which would represent your true love.

One charming fact about apples is that if you cut them across the middle from top to bottom, you will see the star formed by the seeds.  This can make for very lovely decorations, if you slice the apple from top to bottom and then dry the slices.  Or, if you are wanting to make an offering, cutting the apple to show the star can help reinforce the sacredness of the act.

Another very seasonal craft you can do with apples is making shrunken apple heads.  You start by peeling the apple (you can leave a little at the top for 'hair), and then starting to carve out a face.  The fun thing about this craft is that the face will shrink as the apple dries, so not only do you not need to be a perfect artist, but each one comes out with really interesting character.  Once your face is carved, you can soak the apple in a salt and lemon juice mixture (to help prevent mold during the drying process) and either dry them in your oven on a low temperature or hang them to dry. 

For Mabon, you might like to use apples as candle holders.  This can be done quite simply by cutting out a bit at the top of the apple to sink your candle in.  You can also cut the apples in half, and make a hole for the candle, and then use them as floating candles!

Apples have a strong connection to love, and are associated with many deities that we might approach for love work.  In addition to the divination examples given above, you might use apples to enhance your love life by using apple cider to toast your relationship (great for anniversaries!)  You can also use an apple to hold wishes for your love life.  Cut an apple in half, and carve your name into one side and the person you love on the other side.  Write down your wish on a piece of paper, and anoint it with honey.  Sandwich the paper in-between the two halves of the apple, and sew the apple back together, and then bury it.  (Note:  I've talked about the issues with love spells before, but there are many ways to work love magic without trying to force someone else to do something.  Always think your spellwork through, and only do things you are willing to live with!)

Apples also have a strong connection to health, as the phrase, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away," indicates.  Apples are great to use in health and well-being spells.  If you are wanting to eat healthier, try cutting and blessing an apple, mindfully eating each section and reminding yourself that eating better doesn't have to be a chore!  If you prefer something crunchy to munch on, you can peel your apple (use the flesh of the apple for eating, or baking), and then dust the inside of the skin with a bit of cinnamon or ginger (and a touch of sugar if you like), and then bake in the oven until crispy.  If you want to  magic these up even more, take a pin and inscribe your wishes on them before baking!

Apple seeds always remind me of two things:  Johnny Appleseed and poison.  I would use apple seeds for rituals of bounty and plenty, but I would also use them to ward things off.  This, to me, is one of the things that makes magic so much an art and less of a science.  Depending on the rest of the ingredients you are using, and your intent, you can use the same item to do very different work!  If you want to bless your land, or share your bounty and make the world a better place, save your apple seeds, and plant them.  As you plant each, imagine the tree growing big and strong, loaded with apples, enough for everyone to eat.  On the other hand, if you are wanting to remove something, you can tap into the poison inside of them, and utilize them in banishing or removal spells (cyanide, which can be found in the seeds, has been used as an insecticide and as rat poison).

Apples also have connections to both the fairy realm and the underworld.  The wood of an apple tree, used as a wand, is great for love or enchantment.  Apple wood is also burnt as incense, and can be used to help with visions or crossing over to other realms.

This is the perfect time of year to explore the many uses of apples, whether you are wanting to eat them or work with them (or both!).  Even though the apple is a familiar sight for many of us, there are still plenty of mysteries to be found within.