Calendar juggling!

So, it's become somewhat of a tradition now, for me to talk about calendars at the start of the year.  Calendars have become a pretty big part of my daily routine, and even in the larger world, I am seeing planners and planning systems getting more attention. 

I used a planner in high school, we got one every year, a student planner printed by the school, to help us keep up with homework and projects.  I didn't make very good use of mine, but I did like to scribble in it.  Then, for many years, I only used a wall calendar.

In 2015 I bought a monthly desk calendar.  My intention was to use it as a chronicle of my year.  I was going to write down my daily rune draw (which I did), as well as a thing or two I learned each day (which I only did for a month or two).

I have found, that if I don't plan my life, I get very little done.  When I don't pick and choose what I want to do in a day, I tend to fiddle around with stuff, and at the end of the day, I will look back and won't feel like I accomplished anything.

So, in 2016, I bought another monthly calendar, but this time I decided I needed to take more charge of my life, and I was going to plan my days, writing down things for me to do each day, to help me stay on track.  I did okay with this, but some days there just wasn't enough space in those tiny boxes to write down all the things I wanted to do!

I was trying to plan all aspects of my life:  my writing, my community building, my spiritual life, my home life, my exercise plan and even my leisure time.  I wanted to keep track of everything, to keep myself on point with all my plans.  I had been looking at all these different ideas for planners, and one that fascinated me was Bullet Journaling.

It's a really interesting system, that includes both a lot of flexibility and a lot of room for creativity.  Best of all (for me), it embraced lists and checking off boxes...both of which are things I adore!

My calendar for 2017 was a grid composition book, that I used in my own take on Bullet Journaling (also known as BuJo).  But I knew I wanted a longer look too, so I bought a basic monthly desk calendar, clipped the pages out and taped them into my planner.

What I learned last year was that I am not so great at actually planning long term.  I would wake up in the morning, and sit down at my desk to decide what I needed to do that day.  When I thought about things that were coming up later in the week, I would add them to those days, but I rarely remembered to look any further than that!  I also wasn't as good at checking back in with my calendar throughout the day, so some days I was really on task, and some days I didn't get to check a lot off, because I didn't check to see what I was supposed to be doing.

This year, I am using two planners, which is creating another layer of complication!  I bought the "Planner for a Magical 2018" so that I could keep all of my Year of Magic plans together in one place.  I considered a couple of different planners, but I really liked this one as it has nice amounts of space for daily stuff, as well as a monthly calendar.  And, it has pages for each of the Sabbats and magical inspiration for every month of the year.  Plus coloring!

Then I have my catch-all planner, another grid composition book (because the dot-grid fancy planners that are suggested for Bullet Journaling are quite pricey, where I can get a composition book for a buck...the blue lines really don't bother me much at all).  I do decorate my composition books with Washi tape, because it's addicting stuff!  And it helps keep the book together with all the daily usage.

One of the big things I like in my planner is divination for the year.  I do both a moon cycle based divination with WomanRunes, but also a tarot spread for the year.  I keep this in my planner, so that I can refer back to it throughout the year and see where I am at.  This year, I am also choosing a WomanRune each new moon, as my focus for the upcoming moon cycle, so I add that in as I pick it.

I have been very good so far this year, at grabbing my planners in the morning, after I have done my morning routine, and planning out my day as I drink my coffee.  I haven't been doing this at my desk, for a couple of reasons.  Firstly, my desk is devoted to my computer, and there just isn't enough space to write comfortably in my planners.  And secondly, when I am sitting at my desk, I am too temped to try to do other things (like check Facebook or watch videos on YouTube) while I am planning.  Instead, I sit at the kitchen table, where I can focus on what I want to do that day.

One of the first things I have found that I struggle with, in this new system, is my daily divination.  I draw a rune every morning, as well as a WomanRune card.  I always draw my rune before my morning meditation (as I use it as part of one of my meditations), but I used to draw the WomanRune as I was planning.  Now, I have to remember to draw it when I pick my rune.  And interestingly, I have to remember to add my rune to my daily planning page (as I have been forgetting).

Not only am I juggling two physical books to plan in, I have several different ways in which I am tracking and planning.  I do work with a traditional calendar month, as most of my family stuff falls by the weeks of the month.  But I have been working with a Moondial for several years now too.

This is one of my Moondial pages.  I have a template that I trace each moon cycle, to add the wheel to my planner.  The outer part of the wheel tracks the calendar date, and the moon phase, while the inner part of the wheel is my own personal cycle.  It is very interesting to me to see how these two interact, and I am wanting to pay more attention to my energy levels and how I feel based on how they line up (because, of course nothing is ever simple, and every full moon cycle, I shift about a moon phase backwards in my personal cycle).

One of the things I am also wanting to work on this year is planning my work load based on these two cycles, so trying to look at where I'm at on the wheel and either be more focused on rest and self-care or on action and getting stuff done.  This is something I've been wanting to work on for a while, but last year I only remembered when a deadline was due, and I was in a low energy place and only wanted to nap!

On the opposite page of my Moondial,  I do a divination spread for that moon cycle.  Last year, I did a monthly divination, but this year I decided to use it as part of my moon work, so during the new moon, when I am opening myself to the energy of the coming moon and letting inspiration fill me, I do a reading to help me sort out where I want to go.

The workhorse of my long term planning is these monthly pages in the Magical planner.  I haven't put a proper monthly page in my BuJo planner.  I felt that having two monthly pages would be just too much, and way to repetitive.  As the Wolf moon, the full moon of January, started it's cycle in December, I didn't start my full moon planning until the second moon cycle, the Hunger moon.  But I used that first couple of weeks to try out how to mesh these two calendars. 

I ended up writing the same thing three different places at first!  I was using these monthly pages to plan what I wanted to do with moon phase work, which would then get transferred over to the daily pages in both the magical and BuJo planner!  And that just felt very clunky.  So, when this new moon came about, I instead used this monthly page to plan the moon phase in broad strokes:  what kind of things did I want to do, and then the daily page turned those broad ideas into specific actions.  This is working much better for me!

You can see my monthly page is color coded, which is one way I keep the moon phases tidy in my head.  I like them outlined like that, so I can easily see, at a glance, where each phases is.  I made a little key, in my BuJo, a quick reference of the phases and how I work with them, and I colored it, so when the new moon comes about, I will mark out all the phases in my monthly page.  Then I can look ahead through the current phase, and see what I want to do and when.  Plus, I really like how the color adds to my monthly page!

This is an example of the daily pages in my Magical planner.  I use little bubbles here, that I fill in when a task is done, and also have been writing down an affirmation for the day, related to what I am working on. 

Once I have picked my actions for the day, I will sit and color something on the page (or on one of that month's pages, if the daily page is already done).  If I am struggling with figuring out what I want to do on a particular day, I will color first, letting my mind chew on the problem while I color.  This has been working out quite well for me.

From there, I head back to my BuJo planner, and lay out the regular tasks.  This year I have gone much simpler, with just big open boxes for each day, and one at the end for weekly tasks (which is anything I know I want to do that week, but don't know which day I want to do it on yet).

I like lists and order, and ticking things off, so my rules for tasks are pretty much anything that takes more than five minutes should get written down.  Definitely anything that I absolutely need to remember to do.  But even simple stuff, things that I am not in danger of forgetting, that only take a small chunk of time, I write down.  I do this for two reasons.  Firstly, it gives me the sense of accomplishment to tick it off.  And secondly, even those little things add up, and if I have a day where I have a dozen little things that need to be done, I may need to lay off of other things, to avoid getting overwhelmed.  I even write down 'cook dinner' if it is going to be a meal that will take more time than usual to prepare.

This is a nifty little tool that I just started using this year.  It's a habit tracker, and it does exactly what it says:  tracks things you want to make a habit of.  I used to write most of these things down on my daily pages, but it took up so much space!  Things that I aim to work on every day, now get put here instead of on the daily page. 

There are a couple of exceptions.  My writing, I will schedule specific tasks or scenes that I want to write in my daily planner, because those are particular things I want to write, where the habit tracker I count any writing at all for it.

I also use my habit tracker to watch for patterns.  I want to see how often I do things that I don't do every day, like my freelance captioning work or posting to Patreon.  I also am interested in seeing how things like whether hubby is working or not effects my sticking to my plan (hint:  I am much more likely to play more when he's off...so now that has become part of my planning).

It sounds like a ton, but it really doesn't take me that long to do in the morning.  And I am really liking having this time to set my intentions for the day.  When I carve out the time to mindfully plan in the morning, I am much more likely to get all the things done in the day that I wanted to.  This includes not only the things I feel I should be doing, but also the things I want to do.  When I want to play a game or read a novel, that gets added in, so that my brain knows that the time is there for me to do these things, and that I should be doing them!  Self-care is very important, and planning on doing things that I want to do is a big self-care thing for me.

My calendar and planner system has been constantly evolving, for years.  And I expect it to continue to evolve.  I have some books that I am planning on reading (which is of course being tracked in my BuJo planner!), which I feel will deeply impact how I plan.  And that, to me is highly exciting!  I love that I can remain organized, but also change that system as I need to, or as I uncover new information that changes me!

Working with Ebb and Flow

One of my big goals for this year is to work better within the cycles of my life.  There are so many cycles!  When we think of how time moves, culture tells us it is a line, but ancient wisdom focuses on the cyclical nature of time, not the linear one.

Old calendars were more tuned to the cycles of nature, of the moons and the sun, of the seasons and the stars.  But even in the very modern world, we have cycles:  daily, weekly, monthly, yearly.  We just don't pay attention to them in the same way.

My life is made up of a number of cycles, which all effect me in different ways.  Of course the daily cycle of waking and sleeping, and I have learned that if I don't allow myself enough time to sleep, my waking day will be wasted.  The weekly cycle of days where I get up early and days where I sleep in.  I may not have this cycle for much longer, as son is about done with school.  I haven't really thought deeply about how I will cycle my weeks once I no longer wake with him to see him off to school.

I will probably shift my wake schedule to mostly match my husbands work schedule, which is another crazy cycle.  Yes, crazy.  He swaps days and nights every six weeks, and works 12 hour shifts, 3-4 days (plus overtime) a week.  So it is a very fluid cycle, one that I have realized effects me greatly.

See, I do some things much easier when I am alone.  It is easier for me to stick to my plans, to write and work and just embrace that freedom that comes from having no one else here, no one else I have to adjust around.  When hubby or son is home, we all adjust so that we do certain things together, like eating, cleaning or running errands.  When I am alone, some things are much less rigid (I find that I eat whenever I want, not at a particular time). 

There is a beauty to this balance that I have been fighting for a while.  I was scheduling my days, irregardless of who was home, and this led to me being frustrated by my own plans.  So, I am trying something new!  This was something I had intended to do, working with the moon cycle and my own hormonal cycle, but I have realized I can benefit from working with my family cycle as well.

This comes back to the idea of energetic ebb and flow.  This is something many people feel from the moon cycle, that there are times where the global energy is lower, and times where the energy tides ride high.  When working with the moon, you tune your actions to the energy of the moon, following the waves as they feel the pull of the moon.  There is time for rest, time for growth, time for opening wide and time for releasing.

As a woman, I have a similar hormonal cycle, and learning to be kind to myself, to work with my own biological peaks and low points means that I can really nurture myself in a way that doesn't involve fighting where I am at. 

I think this is where it gets complicated though.  Even just trying to figure out the best way to plan so that I can get everything I want to get done in a way that meshes with the moon cycle and my personal cycle creates a complex pattern that is hard to wrap my head around.  This is one thing that I can see a bit better with the moondial I keep (which tracks both the moon and my personal cycle), but I am not very good at really stopping and looking ahead, to try to prepare for those low tides in both cycles, and make sure that I'm not hitting 'crunch time' when my energies will be low.

Right now, I'm pretty lined up.  The rest times in both cycles are synced up.  But this is not a constant for me!  I tend to loose about 3-5 days, each moon cycle, so my personal cycle keeps going back a moon phase each month.  Sometimes the energy tides will be at complete opposite times, which makes for a little mental puzzle:  what do you do, when the inner and outer energies are in opposition?

It takes a little creative thinking, but I feel like most of us have different things that refresh us.  So 'rest' doesn't always mean the same thing!  I definitely have days where I need to fill my cup, and what appeals to me is sitting curled up with a blanket and a book.  But other times, what I need is to do something, to dance or paint or write furiously. 

Thinking about the external energies, if the moon is calling me to rest, but my personal energy is high, I can devote that energy towards more behind the scenes things.  Instead of writing something to be sent out into the world, I can journal and go deep.  Instead of creating magic to work on family issues, I can create an altar or other container to hold the work I will do later.

One of the first steps, in figuring out a plan based on the cycles of our lives, is to start paying attention to the things we crave at different times.  When I was first introduced to the idea of working with our energetic ebb and flow, the suggestion was to make a list of things you can do when your energy is low versus when your energy is high.  And also, to make a list of things that you crave when your energy is low, but also I think when it's high.

For me, when I am just all worn out, I can do little things but don't want to do stuff that feels like it would take more than five to ten minutes.  I'm reading a SARK book right now that talks about micro-movements, which are basically that:  small steps that can be done quickly.  What I love about these micro-movements is that it helps break up that really heavy energy that I can get when I'm low.  The kind of stasis that makes you just sit and do nothing.  I don't like being in that space, because it is oppressive.  Being able to do something small, and feel like I've done something, helps break up that energy into something more restorative, so that I can then do something that will help build me up instead of bring me further down. 

My micro-movements might be as simple as getting up and washing the coffee cup that I left in the sink, or opening my current writing project and writing one line.  It can even be opening up my calendar and seeing if I can check anything off.

I actually have to watch myself when I'm running on full as well though.  Because I can bite off more than I should be chewing and exhaust myself.  When I'm really energetic, I have the urge to do all the things, all at once, right now.  And trying to do multiple things at the same time makes me a little crazy.  I don't really do any of them well.  It is much better when I slow down a tiny bit, pick one thing to work on, and decide how far I am going to go with it when I start...and stick to my plan.  I might think I want to clean the bathroom, and if I don't set my limits, will find that has grown into washing down all the doors in the house, which leads me to washing the outsides of the doors, then the columns out front. 

Picking one thing, working with it until it is finished, and then stopping, lets me get a lot more done, in a way that doesn't deplete my resources.  I also try to make sure that I plan on something to relax, especially on days where I am on a roll.  Setting the intention to stop at some point and do something fun, helps me stay balanced and reminds me to not over-extend.

It's definitely a work in progress, but realizing that I can plan my days differently based on what is going on in my house was like a weight being lifted off my shoulders.  I had always fought the changes in my daily schedule, and felt guilty that I wasn't sticking to my 'plan' for the days.  In the end, I usually tried to push through and sort of go through the motions of what I had intended to do, which made me a little resentful.

Making it a conscious decision to change my plan, to align my tasks when I can do them the easiest, means I can do more with less, leaving me more time in the end, and with less stress!  I still have to pay attention, because of course we sometimes have days that we are either up or down, irregardless of the many cycles we have going on in our lives.  And this is when those lists (of things that you do/need during your ebb or flow times) come in handy.  When your intended plans need to be adjusted, you can check in with your lists and see what you can do instead, and then change your plans in the future to accommodate your current energetic mood.

It will definitely take some getting used to, being more fluid like this.  But I think it's time.  I will always have some things that I have 'hard' deadlines on.  My blog gets posted on Wednesdays, I write a story by the end of the month, I set goals on Mondays, but with son finishing school this year, my main time block will no longer exist.  I'm excited to see where this will lead me.

Word of the Year!

This will  be my second year picking a Word of the Year.  It's something I first encountered last year, and I thought it was an interesting idea.  It's not just about picking a theme for the year (although it is that), or keeping yourself on track (it is that too) or about deciding how you manifest (also this...are you seeing a trend here?), but I feel like it is about being both mindful and grateful for how your year unfolds.

Time is a funny thing.  Our lives revolve around these chunks of time that we divide our life into.  And time has this way of sneaking up on you.  The more years pass, the more I feel like time is speeding up.  Hubby and I always joke about how a year seemed like forever when we were in our teens, but now it's like we blink and another year has come and gone.  I definitely feel like it is so easy to get caught up in our day to day tasks, and when we lift our head and look around, months have passed without our notice!

There are lots of ways to slow this cycle down, to focus more on the greater scheme of things and to help ourselves not drown in the minutia, and the Word of the Year is one of these ways. Finding your Word can be a long process, or it can come to you in a flash...or it can be a combination of the two!

I think of my Word as a symbol of where I want to set my attention in the year to come.  It is a reminder to keep setting my gaze back to my Word (and what it represents).  When I am thinking about my Word for the coming year, I spend some time thinking about the previous year.

Last year, my Word was Harmony.  I have a lot going on, in many different areas of my life, and being able to make all these different things work together, without neglecting or over-prioritizing one was a big goal for me.  The year before I felt like I was very scattered, and I wanted to bring my life together into some kind of a homogeneous whole.

I thought about Balance as a word, but it still felt too disconnected.  To me, balance is taking two different and separate things and managing them both, where Harmony was about creating a new thing out of two (or more) separate things...blending them together, which is very much what my path is about!

I feel like I worked with Harmony quite well last year.  It was a process, but as the year went along, I felt like I got better at it.  I found ways to make things work for me, to weave things together and smooth out the rough edges that remained.  Looking back, I am satisfied with how my year went, which is not always something I can say.

Last year, coming up with my word was something that I thought about, mulled over, and debated.  I considered different things, and had to work to come up with my Word.  This year was completely different.  I came up with my plan for a Year of Magic several months ago.  The Year of Magic grew out of my Year of Moons, and last years (less successful in some ways) Year of Divination. 

But, with a Year of Magic as my plan, the Word Magic just worked.  It seemed so obvious, and so simple, and yet, like many things, there are layers in my Word that I can work with and uncover throughout the year.

Most importantly though, it will be a true representation of what the year is to me.  Sort of like a keyword or tag, when I think of 2018, Magic will be in the forefront.  When I see or hear the word Magic, it will remind me of my plan, of my focus, for the year, and keep my feet headed in the right direction. 

There are a lot of ways to use your Word, once you have it figured out.  I keep a bullet journal style daily planner, and the first page in my planner book features my word.  I knot an anklet, that represents my goal for the year (and thus my Word!), which I tie on New Year's Eve and wear until New Year's day the next year.  I have seen some really great applications of metal stamps, putting people's Word on a ring or necklace that can be worn throughout the year.

You could also place reminders on your altar or around your house.  You might find and inspirational poster or meme with your Word, and use it on your phone or hang it on your wall.  You could paint your word on a stone and put it on your altar or outside your front door. 

Throughout the year, as you plan your own work and projects, you can check in with your Word.  You might be inspired to feature your Word in your rituals, or at each of your Sabbats (if you celebrate them).  Your Word might become your stepping off point for inner work:  the questions you ask yourself this year might all spring form your Word and how to embrace it even more!

If you are struggling to make a decision or with a boundary that you are setting, you can use your Word as a gauge to determine if an action is right for you.  Ask yourself, if this action or activity is in keeping with your Word.  The answer might not be a simple yes or no, but it can definitely lead you in the right direction.  Follow up by considering how you might act in a way that is more in keeping with your Word, or what other action you could take that would better serve your Word.

As with all things, a Word of the Year is a tool that you can use to enhance your life.  Tools work best when we practice with them, and when they fit us.  Finding the right Word is just the first step!  Learning how you work with your Word and figuring out the best way to use your Word in your path is what will make it a powerful tool at your disposal.

If you haven't worked with a Word of the Year before, I encourage you to give it a try.  It is a fun practice, that can have a surprising amount of depth.  As with many things, you get out of it what you put into it, so you are in control of how your Word will enhance your life!  And never fear, if your Word isn't working for you, or if you are struggling with how to use your Word, you can always adjust and pick a different one, or try again next year!

Holiday Recovery

I always feel the time from about mid-October until after New Year is just one holiday after another.  It's a full on holiday season, and sometimes it feels never-ending.  Holiday season can be highly stressful, for many reasons.  We are often going from event to event, dealing with family, more expenses (from food alone...then presents), and just so much more busy than other times of the year.

Then there is the weather.  We are at a time of lower light, and this effects so much of our lives.  Not only do the days feel shorter (even with electric lights), but we get less sunlight, which is an actual vitamin (Vitamin D).  The effects of light also effect our sleep, which can effect our health.  It is no wonder this is a season of cold and flu as well!

Many people are starting to become more aware of the toll of the holidays on us, and are being more careful with their self-care and boundaries at this time of year.  We are saying no to more things, in a healthy way, so that we aren't overextending ourselves.  But even with healthy boundaries, as the holiday season winds to a close, we may still find ourselves depleted.

We are in a bit lull right now, Christmas and Yule are over, and New Year isn't here yet.  It's a small breath before that last hurrah.  Many people still treat New Year as the party to end all parties, and go to extremes they wouldn't consider the rest of the year. 

For me personally, my parent's are coming to visit for about a week, starting tomorrow.  I love my family, and I feel very lucky that we are on good terms.  But they are still my parents, and we don't always agree on everything.  This will always cause me some amount of stress, because I want everyone to be happy.  I don't like conflict, and I always feel like there will be some.

But I am also looking forward to their visit, as I haven't seen them in a few years.  This will be the last year my son will be living at home too, so sort of a last family holiday before our relationships change.  They mentioned wanting to do tourist stuff, so I figure we will be pretty busy while they are here, which is always a little taxing too (we aren't typically 'go out and do stuff all the time' sort of people).

So, even though my holiday season isn't over, I'm already thinking about ways to nourish myself, to recover from this holiday season and get back on track.

I think people tend to get into certain habits, which can be hard to break.  When you have been gearing up for the holidays for so long, working hard to make sure everything gets done on time, with lists and lists of things to do, it can be hard to get out of that 'must keep moving' mindset and actually slow back down.

I feel like this is part of why people rush headlong towards New Year Resolutions:  they are still all fired up and feel like they need to be doing something, anything.  It's like when you have had a really busy day, and you lie down to go to sleep, but you can't get your mind to actually stop thinking.

I have used a 'back to the routine' spell, for many years now.  It is a really simple thing, that involves a ring.  I always use my wedding band, as it is a simple gold ring, and it never leaves my finger, so it is always with me (I take my other rings off at night).  But you light a white candle, and hold the ring, visualizing an ordinary day.  "Day in and day out; Laugh, cry, whisper shout.  This is what I do; show me now what is true."  While still holding your ring, meditate on what your routine means to you, what it brings to your life, and what changes (if any) you need to bring to your routine.  Then wear the ring.

What I love about this little spell is it is a small moment of pause, to honor the routines in your life.  It is a reminder of the simple things you do, everyday, and what those things mean in your life.  It helps you bring your head back into your ordinary space, back to the day to day grind, but it also gives you some time to reflect on what you do.  I think that just as we can get into the habit of being busy, we can keep doing the same things everyday, even though we recognize they aren't working for us anymore.

Making a habit of using this spell, every year, at the end of holiday season, helps me keep mindful of the things that make up my ordinary life, of the things that are part of my every day, and to keep my routine fresh and useful. 

I also think this is a perfect time to tune into our self-care, to take some time to renew ourselves.  It is the start of a brand new year, so why not start it off right!  Think of things you can do to let go of any tension or lingering anxiety from the previous year.  We want to go forward relaxed and refreshed, so think about what you need to do to be in that space.

I feel like the holidays are often a very outward oriented time.  We are constantly thinking about other people, whether we are planning a get-together, an event or a gift, our focus is on others.  New Year is a great time to turn that focus around, to look at yourself and see what you need instead of thinking about what other people need.

I actually really like New Year resolutions, but done in a realistic way.  There are tons of statistics about how New Year's resolutions don't work, and I think that they are probably accurate, but not because resolutions can't work, but because so many people approach them as wishes or dreams, not resolutions.

Resolutions share a root word with resolve:  a firm decision to do something.  But just because we make that decision doesn't mean it will magically happen.  First, it has to be the right decision.  If I haven't been active at all last year, and I decide I want to win the Iron Man competition, that probably is a bad resolution.  Even with the best plan in the world, I am probably not going to make that one come to be.

The first step in a good resolution is an accurate image of where you are, right now.  Reflection is something that I think we shy away from, for the same reasons that we want to set resolutions.  There are always things about ourselves that we feel could use improvements, and sometimes we are embarrassed at where we are right now.  We feel like we should have been doing better or more or differently, and we don't want to admit, even to ourselves, exactly how far we have fallen.

But it is a very necessary step!  We need to know where we are so we can accurately determine how far we can push and what steps we need to take to move forward.  And this means being really vulnerable and honest with ourselves.  We need to take a look in that mirror, to observe our selves and our lives without judgment, with compassion, and with the intention of really seeing what is going on.

Once we know where we are, then we need to keep that honesty and kindness when we think about where we want to go.  There is a fine balance between setting a resolution that will push you but still be attainable.  We don't want to only make super simple goals that don't take effort to reach, because those don't help us grow very much.  They are great to do to help you build up your confidence or to start your momentum, especially if you have been very inactive in those areas of your life, but the smaller goals should be the baby steps towards something bigger.

On the other hand, we don't want to make goals so huge that they feel utterly unreachable...or are unreachable.  We want to be able to meet our goals, but to feel like they were something we earned and something worthy of celebrating!  Understanding this balance is something that often comes with time, so don't stress too much about your first goals, just pay attention to how hard or easy they are and adjust your future goals accordingly.

And finally, once you set a goal, you want to make a plan.  You need to decide how you are going to get from where you are to where you want to be.  If you don't make a plan, if you don't think about how you are going to grow, you won't go anywhere.  You will almost certainly stay where you are and time will pass and your good intentions will have flown outside the window.

Making a plan can be as simple or complicated as you need it to be.  This is a very personal thing, and some people need a very strict plan while others can be more fluid.  I benefit from a very strict plan.  If I can lay out steps (and sub-steps....complicated is fine for me!), I can follow through.  If I only have a vague idea of what I want to do, or a very broad set of steps, I tend to put things off and never get around to them.

I do a lot of weekly and daily planning.  If I set something up in my weekly plan, but never put it in a daily plan, it won't get done.  I rarely put things on a monthly plan because I don't even remember to check the month page in my planner (which I am trying to get better at next year!). 

Even little bits of choice can make things harder for me.  If I have the goal of working out three times a week, but don't plan specifically what I will be doing, it is too easy for me to just put it off.  On the other hand, if I am part of a 30 day workout challenge, where each day's workout is laid out for me, I can follow that most of the time all the way through (I really do well with challenges...I think I've done 6 month long challenges this past year! as well as a few shorter ones along the way).

But, other people may find that having too much structure hampers them.  If they are given a 30 day workout schedule, but on day 3 they really wanted to do a cardio routine and instead it's a weight day, they may be more inclined to not do it.  They might function better by having a simpler structure:  they may plan on doing cardio 3 times a week and weights two times, but they can pick which day to do what just fine.

It's all about seeing what works for you, and what helps you the most.  And some of this is also trial and error.  You may think a system will work very well for you, because it sounds like exactly what you need, but then when you actually try to follow it, you just can't get into it.  When this happens, think about what you liked about the system, and what was giving you problems.  Then look for other ways to try, that work with your strengths and help you overcome your weaknesses.

Holiday season can be hard, but it can also be wonderful.  And just because it was wonderful doesn't mean you still can't benefit from taking some time to care for your self and to recharge, at the end of it.  Keep that in mind as the holiday season comes to a close, as we say good-bye to the old year and welcome in the new.  Give yourself time to recharge, and think about what you want to keep the same and what you want to build, in the days to come!

The power of Storytelling

Christmas always feels like a season of storytelling to me.  There are so many stories we tell, at this time of year.  Whether it is the story of the babe being born in a manger, the story of Santa Clause delivering presents to all the children of the world or the newer (and highly creepy) Elf on the Shelf.

Storytelling is an art as old as time.  As long as there have been people, I believe those people have been telling stories.  We tell stories to get our point across, to transmit (or obscure) information and to entertain. 

Many of our first experiences might have involved stories.  We read so many stories to our children, they grow up hearing stories.  And when they start to talk, they begin to create stories of their own.

We have a lot of mixed messages about stories.  We caution children 'not to tell stories' when we want them to be truthful.  We accept that many stories get embellished over time, or as they are passed between people, so the original story might not even be recognized when you hear it (just like in the game telephone).

And that is one of the things that makes stories so powerful.  Whether they are accurate or not, whether they are Truth, they are real.  This is why things like Elf on the Shelf work so much better than just telling your kids to behave.  We tell them a story, and we make that elf real to them.  When they see it, they remember the story...and they believe.  They believe what you have told them, and it changes how they act.  If that's not real, then I don't know what is.

It's not just children who are moved by stories.  When an actor steps into a roll, they are telling a story.  And many people can't seem to separate the role from the person who plays it.  There are countless incidents where people have treated actors better or worse, based on what characters they know them as.  We believe the story they tell when they take on a roll, and we react to them accordingly.

On a more personal front, we tell ourselves stories all day long.  When we think about our memories, we are shading in a story based on how we feel about what happened.  If we feel we are unlucky in love, when we think back on our younger self, we won't remember any good experience we had with love, we will only remember the bad things that happened to us.  We will spin this story about someone who can never find 'the one', no matter how hard they try, and that is the story we will remember and believe.  We will find ourselves not even noticing the people who try to approach us, because we have bought into that story that we are not attractive or likable.

But the truly wonderful thing about stories, is that you can always re-write them!  At any moment in time, you can write yourself a new story, and change how you perceive yourself or the world around you. 

I am a storyteller, in about every sense of the word that I can think of.  I tell stories that are pure fiction, created to entertain.  I tell teaching stories, tales that are used to illustrate a point that I want to make.  I tell puzzle stories, when I create stories as a game-master for roleplaying games, where I want to give some hints as to a mystery or situation that is going on, but not so many that it is obvious.  The fun is in figuring out what is really going on in the story, based on the clues that have been uncovered.

One of my favorite types of stories, are deity stories.  For me, these stories make Gods people.  They cease being just the embodiment of a quality and become complex beings with motivations, fears and desires.  It is their stories that bring them to life. 

And a fascinating thing about stories is that they don't have to all agree!  I have read many stories, about the same God or Goddess, that portray them as very different people.  This really gives them depth in my mind.  Much like if you were to talk to a dozen different people who knew me, and were to ask them what I was like, you would get a dozen different stories, some of which might paint me in a nice light, while others might not.

The thing to remember about stories is there are always (at least) two sides to a story.  If I am telling someone a story about you, that story will be influenced by many things.  It will probably have at least some passing resemblance to the event that happened, but it will be flavored by how I feel about you.  It will also be effected by who I am as a person:  my own perspective, experiences and outlook will alter how I view the world, and thus how I view you and what happened in my story.

This is something we need to be very mindful of, when we hear a story.  It is easy to get caught up in a story, and to empathize with the victim of the story, and to forget that we are only hearing one side of it.  This misrepresentation might be accidental or it might be purposeful.  When we hear a story, especially one that makes us feel strongly about something, it is very helpful to try to seek out an opposing story.  You will notice, I don't say look for the facts, because I feel it is very hard to get truly impartial facts....it is all just stories.

Even if you see a video or read a seemingly impartial 'just the facts' sort of write-up, remember you may not be seeing ALL the facts.  Either omitting or focusing on certain aspects creates a story of it's own.  I feel this is especially relevant when dealing with historical 'facts'.  So much of the records we have, were written by the ruling class of the day, so the stories we are hearing are those of the people who were running the show.  Even when we do get stories from other people, they are all written from the perspective of the mindset of the era, and some things that were considered fact at the time, we may no longer consider true at all.

This is also something we should always keep in mind as we tell our own stories.  We can never fully escape our perspective, and trying to present our stories as fact or truth is misleading.  However, we can own our stories, embrace that we can offer up our own unique point of view, something that no one else in the world, or throughout history could have shared, and our story becomes something really special.

Stories are powerful, and can be used for a great many things.  As long as we are mindful of the stories we tell, the stories we hear and the stories we pass along, we can use stories to make the world a better place, instead of tearing it apart.

Pagan Advent

When I was little, we read the advent story every Christmas, even when I was a teenager.  It was something I really loved, though I had heard the story so many times.  We had a book and folding picture (with the little windows you opened every day), that had a page to read as you opened the window, so over the course of the month, you got to experience the story of Christmas.

And of course, I loved anytime we got the chocolate Advent calendars, which were definitely more Santa oriented than Christ oriented.  Most of the time those doors had images of cookies and presents, elves and reindeer...and opened to reveal a piece of chocolate in some holiday shape.

I think part of what I loved about both of these practices was that it helped pass the time before Christmas.  We weren't a hugely religious family, so while we did often attend church around the Christmas holidays (which mostly consisted of singing Christmas carols and watching the Christmas story pageant that always seemed to be presented by kids of the church we attended), our family tradition was mostly centered on presents and family time.

Following the advent calendars gave us an activity to do each day, which was just fun.  When my son was little, we looked everywhere for those chocolate advent calendars, but could never find them.  All the advent calendars I found were highly Christian, and it always made me kind of sad that there weren't other options.

I know that advent is a Christian tradition, but I think that the idea of it can be turned into something really beautiful, no matter what faith you follow.  I have seen some really lovely traditions that remind me a lot of advent, that focus on spreading out the observance of the holiday so that it isn't just one night (or morning).

One that I thought was great, especially for families with kids, was to have a variety of holiday activities (like baking cookies, making ornaments, decorating the tree), and either plan out which activity goes with which day or randomly pick each day, and then that is what you do!  I have seen a more adult version that was an 'acts of kindness' theme, where everyday there was a simple thing you could do to make someone else's life a bit nicer (like give someone a compliment, buy a cup of coffee for a stranger, stuff like that).

I also love multi-day observances through extended ritual.  I read about a really beautiful Yule practice that spread Yule into nine days:  three surrounding the solstice and then three before and after that.  It went along with honoring the rebirth of the sun, so the first three days you celebrated at dusk, sort of saying goodbye to the night, then the three around Yule were celebrated at night (possibly with an all-night vigil for Yule), and then the three after were celebrated at dawn, to welcome the sun.  I loved the poetry of this concept!

I also recently read a version that used the nine Heathen virtues (courage, truth, honor, fidelity, hospitality, discipline, industriousness, self-reliance and perseverance), and each day time was taken to meditate on the meaning of one of these, and how it applied to your life.  You could use qualities that are meaningful to your path, or ones you associate with Yule, or even focus each day on an important person in your life (and why they are so special to you).  I've seen a version of this where you dedicate each day for twelve days to different deities.  I just like the idea of taking time to really stop and think about things that are meaningful.

And, with all the holiday crazy that often goes on, I think it is also important to give ourselves some love as well.  I had this idea of twelve days of self-love (I love that it is twelve days from Yule to New Year), and ended up writing a short story about it, which you can read here:  Crystal celebrates 12 days of Yule.  I'm pretty in love with this idea...but I love opening little gifts!

Speaking of opening up little gifts, I saw a really cute Pagan advent that used a puzzle as the base.  It was for younger kids, but each day they could open up a little envelope with a single puzzle piece in it, and as time passed they would put together the whole puzzle (which of course was Yule themed).  You would want to make sure that each day's puzzle piece was one that could connect to the ones before, so that it built up every day.

With creative magic, you can work with this idea, of each day building up on the ones before, and create a magical art piece that would hold your blessings for the coming year.  You can do this as art on a page or as a sculpture.  I love the image of a tree for this work. 

For an art piece, you can either find a picture of a Yule tree (or draw one), and then every day you add a 'decoration'.  You pick something that you want to call into your life, and draw or find a picture of something that symbolizes that.  So if you want more peace, you might use a peace symbol, a picture of a dove, or someone meditating.  You can also pick a decoration (like a garland) and then choose colors based on qualities you want to call to you:  gold for prosperity, red for passion, silver for grace...whatever colors mean to you!  And you can add gifts under the tree as well!  For these, you can use actual pictures of things you want or you can use pictures of wrapped gifts, and write the things you want on the back before you add them to your picture (you can be specific, like wanting a new car, or you can be more vague, like asking for something to help you be more organized).

If you want to do this in sculpture form, you can start with a rock or other base, then build up a wire tree-form.  You can can either add leaves as part of your base, or you can write wishes on the leaves too and add them as you go along.  You can create tiny ornaments, through sculpture or tiny pictures with a string loop to hang on your tree.  You can wrap up tiny boxes filled with things you want to receive in the coming year and place them under your tree as well.  And don't forget the shining star on top!

So much focus is put on presents, on buying things for people and on that one big moment where you get to unwrap things.  And so much time is spent getting ready for that one small moment in time.  Adding advent-inspired activities, helps create a festive season that isn't only focused on one activity.  It helps remind you of the many reasons why Yule is a wonderful time of year, and can help your holidays progress smoothly (and with less impatience, especially for kids).  And it can bring deep meaning to your spiritual practice, give you a sense of sacred pause and help you take time to appreciate the many gifts in your life...not just the ones wrapped in shiny paper and tied with bows!

Tending the Hearth

Winter is always a time when I am thinking about home.  I love snow, and even like those mucky-grey days that often abound at this time of year, but part of my enjoyment of these days is the knowledge that I can go home, bundle up with blankets and be cozy.

I've done a lot of thinking about cozy, and really love the concept of Hygge (which is a Danish word that encompasses that energy of coziness, of being so into this moment right now that you don't want for anything)!  What I appreciate about Hygge is it's not just something that you notice in retrospection, but something that you actively seek.

When I think about tending the Hearth, I think about these ideas of Hygge and Home.  To me, Home isn't just the building you live in.  It is a sense of where you belong in the world.  Your place, the space in which you are most comfortable and most yourself.  Funny, I may live in Kentucky, but it is not my Home.  When I think of a larger place that is Home, it is still Hawaii.  But my house is Home, because I have built it to be Home.

Hearth contains the word heart, and I do think of Hearth as the heart of Home.  When thinking of a literal hearth, I think of a fire, just warm enough (but not too hot), with that lovely fire smell.  It lends that soft quality of light to the air, and you just want to sit around it and talk or stare at the flames.  It has a very laid back energy, it is accepting, but you don't feel the need to DO anything.

But in a non-physical sense, I think that hearth contains the spiritual heart of your home as well.  I struggled with hearth tending for a long time, trying to work in more spiritual and mindful cleansing (which I do feel tends the hearth and is a completely worthy thing to do).  But I have come to the realization that the heart of our homes is so much more than this.

What makes up your home?

There is the physical aspect, the house itself, the land you live on, the things in your house.  There are many different ways to tend to these, not only of course making sure things are tidy and clean, but also that they fit you.  From big things like the style of your house (some people like wide-open floor plans while others prefer lots of smaller and separate spaces) to the smallest details (like the type of silverware you use), the more things in your house that are aligned to your own personal style, the more of a home it will be.

We tend to not really think about this kind of thing, because we picked all our stuff right?  But did we really?  There are so many things that we compromise on, because we have to.  We may not have the money to live in the house we really want.  We may be renting, and not able to modify our house in ways we might like.  While some of this may remain out of our control, we can often make different changes, thinking outside the box, to help create the atmosphere that we want.

If you have a smaller house, but long for more open spaces, look for ways to make the space feel bigger.  Mirrors, pictures of natural spaces, colors of your furniture....these all change how open a room feels.  If you can't change the colors of your walls, you might find curtains or wall-hangings that can act as a color change for your room.

We also tend to accept gifts and then feel obligated to use them..and to continue using them until they are literally no longer usable.  Some things we might have also inherited, either when we moved out on our own (and family or friends gave us things for our first place) or when someone passed on (and now you feel obligated because it is a heirloom).  We may not actively dislike the items in question, but we also may not love them.

Think really long and hard about how much it is worth it to you to keep items you don't love, versus how much it would cost you to admit that they just aren't your style.  Perhaps you can find someone appropriate to pass the items along to, replacing them with things that really bring you joy.

There is a Japanese philosophy of minimalism that suggests we should only keep things that spark joy in our lives.  Yes, this extends to everything:  technology, books, clothes, display items...consumables!  This was a thought that was very hard for me to wrap my head around, but I think I'm starting to get a picture of it.  I will never be a minimalist, I am delighted by too many things, but thinking about a life where every thing I interacted with in a day was something I loved....that has a certain appeal to it!

And why not?  There is no rule that says that useful things can't also be fun.  In fact, I think that making useful things fun is a great way to make normally tedious tasks less onerous.  I have had a string of bells on my bright red kitchen broom for over a year now.  I don't like cleaning.  But I can't help but smile when I sweep and the bells tinkle (and hubby complains good-naturedly about the bells...)  I may not like cleaning, but my broom definitely brings me joy!

Beyond the physical, our home is also the people who live in it.  So tending the hearth, taking care of the heart of our home, includes doing our best to make sure all the beings in our house are happy, well and taken care of.  Not just the people.  Not just the physical.  I definitely feel that our houses have spirits.  If you are in an old home, it may be a spirit that has built up over generations, molded by all the people who have lived there.  But even if you are living in a brand new house, there is a spirit there that will be influenced by how you treat the house and the other occupants in it.

There are many ways to interact with your house spirit.  Some people like creating an altar to the house spirit, leaving offerings and such there.  I often talk to mine, especially when cleansing.  I like to ask it to watch over us.  I definitely do this when we leave for a vacation!

Tending the house spirit covers most of what I used to consider hearth magic.  When I light a candle just to send that energy to my home or when I burn incense outside of a specific ritual or spell, I see these things as feeding the house spirit.  I definitely think it's a good idea to check in with your house spirit anytime things feel off in the house.  I also work with my house spirit whenever there is a traumatic event or sickness in the house, to set our house energy back to normal.

I think that working with the spirits of your land is sort of an extension of working with the house spirits, especially if you have a decent amount of personal land.  Being in an apartment, we don't, we have a tiny patch of plants and rocks in front of our door. But our neighbor keeps a big, open field out back, which is what our back door window overlooks.  I feel connected to this land, I often sit on our little back porch and sing to the field.  If I am going to work outside, it's almost always out back.

I share my house with hubby, son and three cats.  Actually, one of the cats spawned my recent change of thoughts on hearth tending.  I was sitting in my living room, meditating on what to do to tend the hearth, as that was my weekly project (and sort of monthly project, though I wasn't doing so well on it), and one of our cats wouldn't leave me alone.  She was very lovey, and not just asking to be pet, but sort of tripping and sliding all over my lap!

Which made me laugh, as I kept stopping to pet her.  But I realized that spending time and focusing on her and giving her attention fed into the feeling of Home that I was trying to tend!  I get a similar feeling when I give hubby a foot massage after he has had a long day at work, or when I do something special for our son. 

And let's not forget self-care!  When we tend the heart, we need to make sure we are taking care of the needs of all the beings in the house, which includes yourself.  This is where I cycle back to Hygge, and making sure I not only take time to do things I enjoy, but to really set time aside for them.  I love to read, and I often read while doing other things (like eating or waiting on food to cook), but that is a very different activity from curling up under a blanket and giving myself permission to just sit and read.

Winter is a time to slow down, to turn inward and to tend our fires.  We can get so busy running around with holiday parties, gift giving and other obligations, it is easy to get frazzled and overwhelmed.  When we tend our hearth, we take time to make sure that not only is our home a sanctuary, but that we are giving ourselves time and room to enjoy that sanctuary...before we crash and burn!