Working your opposites

We often think about working with opposing forces at liminal times, such as the equinox, when the forces are more in a state of balance.  But there is also great power in working with the opposites of the things that we are very strong in...or working with an energy at the height of it's opposition.

We are smack dab in the middle of summer, and most people are working with the fire, with summer energy, with light.  We feel these energies strongly right now, and it is natural to work with them.  Whether we are personally strongly connected to these energies or not, we are surrounded by them, and so it's easier to call them up.

But it is well worth the effort to work with the opposing energies as well.  What can we learn about winter, while we are in the middle of summer?  Sometimes we do this because we find a particular energy so foreign, and so overwhelming, it's only comfortable for us to work with it when it's at it's weakest. 

I am not really a sun person (though I am a fire person!), and for a long time I didn't like to even stand outside and soak in the sun during the summer.  But I could stand and turn my face to the sun and appreciate it's energy in the middle of winter.  It was tolerable to me then.  I was surrounded by colder and darker things, and so a bit of sun was something I could manage.  By allowing myself to reach out, at these times, when the sun energy was weaker, I definitely started to build more of a connection to it. 

Sometimes, we reach out to an opposing energy because we need a bit more of it to balance out the dominant energy.  During the summer, when it's so hot outside that it makes breathing hard, and so bright that it's hard to see clearly, I like to go outside at night.  The heat has mellowed and the light is gone.  I can tap into that softer summer energy because I am using the night and the dark and the (relatively) cooler temperatures to counteract the strong sun energy.

Many of us find really solid connections with a particular element, and might struggle with it's opposite.  We may find that the traits that are aligned with our opposite element are ones that elude us, or ones that we manifest in a shadowed way.  We may want to call more of those traits into our lives, or move them from being shadowed and back into the light.  We might also want to use them to dim the power of the dominant energies within ourselves.

As I mentioned, I like fire.  I definitely struggle with water.  I blocked my own emotions for many years, not willing to connect with them.  I am also a natural empath, so emotions are a distinct weakness for me (both my own and other people's).  I struggle with emotions every day.  When I am feeling overwhelmed, I often have to break contact (I literally look away, or get up and move away from whatever is overwhelming me).  I also find anger is the one emotion that I feel I have the most control over.  I can hold my anger, and I can put it away...my anger doesn't control me (the way that other emotions can).  I can use my mastery of anger to help me deal with other emotions (that aren't as easy for me).

Working opposite energies also creates a fullness that can be very useful magically speaking.  When I was learning, back when everything was covens and working partners, that was one of the reasons given to the male/female suggested pairings.  It was to be able to use the masculine and feminine energy together.  I personally think that there are many ways to use these types of yin/yang combinations, and focusing so entirely on such a biological distinction is limiting.

When I think about pairings of opposites, I do often think of my husband.  We are very different in many ways...and it works.  I think that living with someone who was too similar to myself would quickly be problematic.  It is nice to know that I can lean on him when I struggle with something, and that often it's because the things I struggle with are easy for him (and the things that he doesn't do quite as well, I'm often better at). 

Of course, having vastly different perspectives and approaches also means that sometimes we have spectacular fights.  This is another place where working with your opposites is helpful!  As has been said many times, if you can put yourself in the other person's perspective, that is a huge first step in working out an issue.  So, even though I don't respond to things the way he does, I have learned to step out of myself and into his viewpoint, to see things as he might think of them, and then to re-examine the issue we are having...but from the opposite side. 

Going back to using opposites in magic, many spells and rituals take a one sided approach, but I think we loose a lot this way.  It's like trying to shove stuff in a bag without first taking out the stuff that was in there.  When we work, we are often calling something into our lives or trying to release it.  But nature abhors a vacuum, and so we can use this to work both sides of the magic.

If you are trying to call something into your life, spend some time thinking about what you might need to release to make room for what you want.  You might be surprised by what comes up!  For example, if you are wanting to move into a house, you might need to do some work to let go of the memories you have at your current place, or you might need to release old insecurities about no longer having the safety net of a landlord who will fix things for you when they break.  Sometimes, if we don't do the work to clear out these things first, they will hold us back from what we want to receive.

On the flip side of the coin, if you are wanting to get rid of or release something, you might have to look at the good things that were brought into your life by it and work on updating your connections to those.  You might want to leave a toxic friendship, but maybe they are the only person who is willing to drop everything and babysit when you find out you have to work the next day.  In order to actually cut them out of your life, you might have to call in a solution to that problem...so you don't keep literally calling them back because you need them. 

The wonderful thing about working with opposites is that they bring a level of complexity to any situation.  Working with just one thing gives you a very flat approach.  When you bring in the opposite energies, now you have this push and pull that creates a tension...and movement.  It looks at things from both sides, and lets you see things you might have missed.  It allows you to work an issue from both sides, giving you extra power with which to create the life you want.  And it gives you more tools to work on your inner growth.

A gathering of Solitaries

The Pagan world is constantly changing and evolving.  Twenty years ago, not only were the vast majority of book that were published on Paganism as a modern practice somewhat homogeneous (it was all neo-Wicca, fairly standard stuff), they were all pretty much geared towards group work.  You cast a circle with one person to call each quarter, one each for the lord and lady, and then a high priestess to officiate (plus whoever else was going to be present).  Many spells were geared towards groups, having roles for multiple people.  There was very little that was published that was aimed at solitary practitioners.

Today, there is a large body of work that focuses on a solitary practice.  And not only that, but the practices are specific and varied.  Talk to any two Pagans and you will probably find they have very different ways of doing things, even if they are both casting circles and working on a healing spell.

Life has, in many ways, become more busy as well.  The same amount of work no longer covers the bills, so people have to work longer and harder to make ends meet.  Many families can't afford to be single income, and even a two-income nuclear family isn't always viable.  Your online presence is also a factor for many people, and it has made it both easier and harder to connect as a group.

There are lots of challenges to meeting others to work or celebrate together, but there are many benefits as well.  The wonderful thing is that we have definitely grown beyond the idea that a coven is the only way for a group to meet.  That isn't to say that there aren't successful covens out there, or that many people don't find group work to be their primary Pagan experience.  But if you are one of the many people who prefer solitary work most of the time, there are other options for you.

One thing I love about group work is the ability to not only experience different ways of doing things, but to be able to blend together different paths and methods.  It isn't something that I would want to do all the time.  I am definitely a solitary person by preference, not just by circumstance.  My practice is familiar to me, and like a well loved blanket, it brings a sense of home and security that I can't find anywhere else.

But, working with others is like going out to a fancy new restaurant.  You try dishes that you may have never even heard of.  And sometimes it is this amazing experience, and you go home and try to figure out a way to make the recipe whenever you want, but other times it's just not to your taste.  Sometimes you find things that you know you will enjoy...in small doses and only after some time has passed, and that is just fine!

The thing that is important to remember is that just because you like being solitary doesn't mean you can't also like group work.  The two aren't mutually exclusive.  And you can like different things depending on whether you are working alone or working in a group.  You can also like different things depending on the group you are working with.

I have several groups here that I work with on a semi-regular basis.  One is further away, one is closer knit, and one is newer.  And I definitely have different comfort levels with each one.  The closest one, is with my best friends, which lends a level of familiarity.  I am less socially awkward with them, and even things that would normally be uncomfortable for me are okay...because there is a deep level of trust.  I know that no matter what happens, they have my back and they won't judge me.

The larger local group is people that I interact with frequently online, but may only see once or twice a year in person.  Our group work is also, by necessity, less personal in many ways.  We definitely all add our own flavor (we often take volunteers to call quarters and cast circle, so there may be many paths represented), and there is normally an opportunity to share...but it is a larger group (typically between 10-20 people), so there is less time for each person to talk in ritual.

The newer group, is not only newer to me, but I feel like the group itself, and many of the people in it, are newer to their path.  There is a freshness to this group, and a different kind of energy.  I like working with people who are new, that doesn't bother me at all, but I also feel like sometimes you want to make sure you are explaining things more, or starting out where they are (and not trying to get too complicated or deep).

I have never been a part of a group that does regular work together (by this I mean one that meets once a month or more frequently).  But some of the people I do ritual with I have known for years now, and have worked with many times over those years.  There is a familiarity to working with the same people all the time.  For me, this is much more comfortable than going to a brand new group (like attending a public festival and joining that ritual where I might not know anyone).

We all look for different things from ritual and from our practice, and we might look for different things from solitary and group work.  There is nothing wrong with having different parts of your practice speak to different parts of your Self.  You may love working on your own, but sometimes you just want to socialize with other people that understand the things that are important to you.  Or, you may be struggling with an issue and want to talk shop.  Perhaps you just had a breakthrough and want to share your success.  Or you feel like you need a little extra help with something you are working on.  All of these are good and valid reasons to work with a group!

So, whether you want to keep most of your practice solitary and just work with others a few times a year, or if you want to have a regular group that you work with, grouping up isn't something that follows strict rules.  Find the groups that speak to you, even if you are a solitary!  Seek out your people, in whatever form they may take.  And find the ways that let your group work enhance your practice, instead of feeling like you have to be a formal part of a group to work with others.

Working with fire

As we approach the Summer Solstice, we may find ourselves drawn towards the fire more.  It is the height of the light half of the year, and the time in which we stand most fully in the light.  The Solstice is strongly associated with fire, and it may be a part of your ritual.

But Sabbats are definitely not the only time we can work with fire.  Many of us call fire into our circle when we call the quarters.  It has historically been considered one of the four core elements that make up all of creation.

A lot of practices involve fire in some form or another.  Whether we are burning a candle or working with a bonfire, burning something away or igniting our passions, we are working with fire.

The simplest and most basic way to work with fire is physically.  We literally light something on fire.  This is the basis of many banishing spells (where we write down what we want to banish and then burn the paper it was written on), candle spells (where it is through being burnt the magic is released), or a ritual bonfire (where the fire stands in as a symbol of the sacred).

When working physically with fire, one of the most important things to be mindful of is safety.  Fire is the most dangerous of the elements to work with, the one most likely to injure us or cause damage to the world around it.  Even a candle, if not treated properly, can burn down a house.  Always make sure you are treating the fire with respect, and never leave fire unattended.  I can't leave a candle burning if I'm not in the room with it, we have slightly oblivious kitties, and I have walked in to see one sitting with the candle behind her...her tail fur getting singed by the fire!  Along these same lines, wearing long flowing cloaks or trailing sleeves around fire is a hazard if you aren't paying close attention.

Flame aside, you also need to be aware of the secondary effect of fire:   heat.  When you burn things, even in a fire-proof container (like a cauldron), you need to make sure it is sitting on something that is heat proof.  Many people use glass jars to burn candles in (to help keep things safe from the flame), but you want to make sure the glass is suited for the high heat.  I've had glass crack and break before, because it got too hot.  And, of course, make sure that you are protecting your hands when you need to handle things that have been close to the flame (and make sure things have cooled down enough before you touch them).

If you are burning paper, you want to make sure you have a safe place to let it burn out completely.  Stone or metal tend to be good containers for things that will flare up but not burn for long (like loose pieces of paper).  I love to burn bay leaves, but these flare up super quick, and so I have to be very careful where I burn them (I tend to burn them over the sink, so they can fall into the metal sink and I can use water to put out any lingering embers).

If you are outside, wind is also a concern.  Not only might it spread sparks, but smoke can be a significant irritant to people!  Nothing is worse than standing downwind of a roaring (and smoking) campfire....it makes your eyes water, and clogs up your throat...not something that is helpful when you are trying to do a ritual!

For a campfire, you also want to make sure that you either have a good fire pit dug or you have cleared enough space around where you are setting your fire, so that it can't catch grass on fire.  At the height of summer, this may not seem like a big issue, but fire is tricky and it is always better to be safe.  Having a big bucket of water on hand is a good precaution to have as well.

As Pagans, we can also work with the spiritual aspects of fire, in a way that doesn't require actual flames.  I know this is a big concern for a lot of younger people, especially those who are living in dormitory situations where they may not be allowed to burn candles. The element of fire can be called up in many different ways.

Stones are a great way to represent fire, and hold the energy of fire.  You might want to find a stone that looks like fire to you, one that captures the colors of the flame or one that has the flicker and flash of a fire.  You might use stones that were forged in fire (I have some lava stones for this purpose), or ones that were touched by fire (stones that perhaps were part of the boundary of a campfire and are a bit scorched, or stones you put under where the fire would be built, to soak up the fire energy).  I have a plain, palm sized river stone that I have dedicated to fire, as a healing tool.  There was nothing particularly special about the stone before I started working with it, but I have been using the same stone as a fire stand in for over twenty years now, and it has built up it's own resonance.

In this digital age, you can also use images of fire.  When I was in the dorm, I had pictures of all four elements that were tacked up on my wall, to represent the circle and it's quarters.  If you like working with guardians, you might have a picture of a dragon or some other fire beast to represent fire.  There are moving images of fire (or candles) that you can use in place of the actual thing, for meditations (many simple meditations involve staring at a flame).

When we talk of the fire within us, we often think of anger or other extreme emotions, that often rob us of our ability to think clearly (of our air), or connect emotionally (our water) or even be concerned with our physical well being (our earth).  These can be very powerful emotions, passions that drive us to great and amazing actions, but just like when working with actual fire, we need to learn how to handle them or we will end up burning ourselves (or others).

There are so many ways to work with fire, and so much that fire can teach us.  Working with fire can be vastly rewarding, but you may need to take extra precautions, to make sure you (and those around you) are safe.  If you are planing to work with fire, it is always a good idea to make sure you spend a bit of extra time, before you start, thinking about the best way to stay safe, so that when you get caught up in the heat of the moment, you are well prepared.

Indoor Paganism

When many people think of Paganism, they think of nature worship.  They envision Stonehenge or ancient peoples gathered outside beneath the stars.  They think of working with trees and the cycle of the seasons.  They think of the outdoors.

And there are many people who feel the call to connect with nature, to feed their spiritual selves by going out of their homes and sinking their bare feet in the grass.  But, there are just as many people who may are called to this path who keep the majority of their practice inside, either through need or desire.

I love nature, I really do...but I don't always get along with nature.  I am apparently very tasty to critters, and pretty much can guarantee that I'll get bit by something if I go outside (sometimes I get bit just going to check the mail!).  I suffer from allergies.  I burn fairly easily (and by the time I put on sunscreen and bug repellent, I'm hot and sticky, before I even get in the sun!)

I also often don't have the means to really have privacy outside.  We live in a small apartment, and we don't have any actual yard.  We have neighbors who are often outside (both front and back), and quite curious, so if I am doing anything outside, there is a good chance that someone will ask what I'm doing.

I think that if I had a private back yard, I'd do more outside, but even with all the space and privacy in the world, the core of my practice would be inside.  At my heart, I'm a child of the modern world.  My home is the center of my practice, and that means doing things inside.

There is a bit of a sense of, not quite shame, but almost, when you practice indoors.  This idea that you 'should' be doing stuff outside.  That if you were dedicated enough you'd find a place where you can go and do things in nature.  That 'all witches' should be growing their own herbs and making their own incenses.

Honestly...that's all bunk, and it doesn't do the community any good to put different styles of practice down.  All it does is make newer people, ones who may not have learned how to adapt yet, feel like they are doing things wrong, like they just aren't good enough to walk this path. 

There are many, many ways to practice, and being nature oriented is only one of them.  It isn't intrinsically better or worse than any other way of doing things. 

The thing is, we have access to all this technology, and many younger people grew up using it.  They may be more comfortable finding modern ways to approach things than they would be out in the woods.  I feel that Paganism and witchcraft both are living, breathing, growing, evolving practices, and just because something was done a certain way in the past, doesn't mean that is the best way to do things...simply what was.

Our ancestors were, by necessity, tied in closer to the land and to nature.  Their daily lives depended on the weather, on the crops, on the plants and animals that surrounded them.  Today, many of us are blessed to not be that dependent.  We can drive to the grocery store and get produce in the middle of winter.  Our homes are warm in the winter and cool in the summer, and protected from insects and wild animals.  We don't have to make sure our crops grow to know we will make it through another year.

We may experience nature and natural things through more artificial means.  We might use essential oils or even manufactured scents to fill our home with the smell of flowers or evergreens.  Instead of hunting down an animal to observe and learn from we might watch a nature documentary or read a book about them.  We watch the weather channel or check our phones to see what the weekend will be like instead of studying the signs ourselves.

One thing to remember is that our focus is different today.  Our ancestors knew a lot more about many natural things, but we spend our time learning different skills.  Instead of knowing when to harvest the plants, we might know how to fill out a spreadsheet.  We have so much information at our fingertips, we don't need to memorize everything (and we know how to read and write, so we can keep our own notes). 

You might even find that you are more open to trying things if you don't feel like you are obligated to do them.  Tasks become fun again, they become an adventure, when they are optional.  You may have dreaded the idea of having to go outside to gaze at the moon every month, but now you find yourself stepping out into the dark and staring up at the sky in wonder (knowing that next month, you can check in with the app on your phone).  Or not...either is fine, as long as it works for you!

The majority of my practice is done inside.  I use digital means, or artificial ones without shame, because they allow me to do things that I wouldn't be able to do otherwise.  We don't have anywhere to grow things inside, and our cats like to eat plants I bring in, so I enjoy flowers preserved in jars or dried, or images on my screens. 

And I find, that sometimes I do need to be outside...for small periods of time.  I might spend that extra moment soaking up the sun when I take out the trash, or stop and gaze at the moon after coming home late at night.  I also find that when I do have occasion to practice outside, like at a public ritual, I can enjoy it...because I know that I don't have to do it all the time.  I don't feel guilty about doing my personal rituals at home, in the bedroom...because if I didn't do them inside, they wouldn't get done.

Whether you feel called to practice in nature or not is your choice, it is your path.  You may seek out ways to be in nature occasionally, or you may never feel the call to do so.  You might explore nature through modern means....or not.  It is perfectly acceptable to practice inside, in the world that you know and live in.  Just find what moves you, and do that.

Honing your practice

When we talk about building a practice, we almost always are talking about adding new things to our practice.  We want to add more daily magic, we want to mediate more, build a regular divination practice, work with the Sabbats, work with the moon, study herbs and stones and animals.  The list is long and really impractical if you never remove things.

Paganism has strong ties to both the ebb and the flow.  We work through all the cycles of the moon, from growth to release.  We work the wheel of the year from planting to harvest.  But we often skip this part of honing our personal practice:  the part where you deliberately let go of practices.

There are lots of reasons why we stop doing a practice.  Sometimes it was a learning exercise, and we feel we have mastered it.  Sometimes we get too busy, and even though we'd like to continue working with something, we simply don't have the time.  And other times, we just forget, and it's not until months later that we realize that we haven't been keeping up with something.  All these things are natural, but we would prefer to make our practice deliberate, and that means deliberately taking stock and seeing what needs to be kept and what needs to be let go of.

When we first start out, we often have more time.  We are super excited to be learning, and we can take on a bigger load.  Over time, we hold onto the practices that really resonate with us, and we build up a repertoire of personal practice.  We have things we naturally do everyday, without thought, things that are just a part of our lives now and we feel lost when we don't do them.  Our available time fills up, and one day we realize that we just don't have any more time left to give, no matter how enticing that new practice is.

This is where we need to make time to stop and take stock.  Sometimes, we feel an obligation to do things, or to do things a certain way.  We may feel like we have to observe the Sabbats or the moon phases, and that we need to do full ritual (along with the associated ritual prep and journal work afterward), and we find that this takes up a big chunk of our available time.

In life, it's rarely the choice between good or bad, it's normally a choice between good and better or between bad and worse.  When we look at our practice, we can examine what really fills us up.  And we can weigh different things to build the practice that works best for us.  Sometimes we have to ask ourselves the really hard questions.  Would thirty minutes of meditation a day fit my life better than sitting down and checking in with a divination method?  Can I cut back on my formal rituals and do lighter things sometimes so that I have time to study new subjects?  Will I feel more fulfilled by spending time working in my garden or by singing (or can I sing while working in my garden!)?

When we stop and make this process deliberate, when we really take the time and are honest with ourselves about what we need in our live and what really helps us, this is when we create the best possible path for us...in that moment.  This is an ever-changing and evolving thing!  You may find that a practice that wasn't quite fitting you a year ago is exactly what you need now.  Or that the thing that had top priority last time you checked in, isn't quite working as well now. 

It is totally okay to change, as often as needed.  The great thing about walking your own path and being in charge of your practice is that you can make it what you want, and you can alter it as needed.  The bad thing about this level of personal responsibility is that if your path isn't working, then you have to step up and fix it...no one else is going to do it for you.

Sometimes this process will be one of elimination.  You will have to try different ways of doing things, and look back and see what worked best.  This is one place where journaling really shines.  If you are looking at how you do rituals, and you journal about your experiences, you can then go back and see how you responded to each way of doing things.  When journaling like this, you definitely want to write a bit before, directly after, and then maybe a day or two after that.  This allows you to recall more of the whole process.

It might be that you find the setup really tiresome, and so you can think of ways to streamline the process so that you can get to your actual ritual quicker.  Or it might work better for you to draw out your setup, doing it over the course of several days, so it is only a few simple things each day and you don't have to do it all at once.  It might also be that the actual ritual itself tires you out.  You may find that you are drained after doing a full ritual, and you have to figure out what parts of ritual take the most out of you.  Finding different ways to approach these bits might help you find alternates that work better for you.

One very important thing to remember is that this is YOUR practice.  It doesn't matter what a book says, what your friends say, what the Pagans on line say.  You need to find the practice that fits for you.  If you can't mediate for thirty minutes a day (and I don't....), but you want to mediate more...then you will need to look for ways to add that in.  Perhaps you can mediate for a short period every morning (this is what I do), and then pick one day a week to carve out a longer period to meditate.  Perhaps you don't like meditation at all and want to find some other restorative practice that works for you. 

There is no absolute right and wrong way to practice.  If you want to do full rituals for the Sabbats, great!  Figure out how to do that in a way that fits your life.  If you want to honor them but don't feel the need for a proper ritual, think of other ways to bring that awareness into your life.  Maybe you will find a book of seasonal poems and pick one that fits to read and reflect on.  I set my desktop and phone backgrounds to match the season.  You might dress up your altar (or you might leave it...either way!), seeking out something new to add to your setup each year.

Divination is another place that can have a lot of variance.  It is a very common suggestion to do a daily draw, often of just one card, when you are first learning.  This is a really helpful practice when becoming familiar with how to relate to your cards (also great for connecting with a new deck).  Many people enjoy doing this just to tap into the energy of the day or get a peek ahead.  Other common practices include working divination before doing spellwork, at the Sabbats, during the moon cycle, as a weekly forecast, and of course when you have a specific question.  Lots of people record their draws, either online (in a social media post) or in a journal.

I love divination, but I often find the record keeping part draws me out.  I really dislike trying to post on social media (hence why I almost never do).  Even jotting bits down in a journal makes the practice feel heavy for me.  So, for the most part, I don't journal my readings.  I do a daily draw (of sorts, I use rune dice and the WomanRunes deck, so one card and one rune picked).  And I enjoy doing a simple spread for the new moon.  I don't typically do a reading before doing spellwork.  But of course, you will have to decide for yourself what works for you.

I am also a huge fan of study.  I love learning new things, and I'm pretty interested in just about anything and everything that is related to spirituality or magic.  I absolutely do not have time to actually study all of that.  Sometimes I find myself in the position of needing to edit my study.  I might really dive into the things that I am called deeply to, and then look for intro style books (or just talk to people) for subjects that aren't really my thing.  For me, the distinction comes down to:  is this something I actually want to DO or is it just something I'm curious about.  I am curious about a lot of practices outside my faith, but many of them are not my style at all, and not something I will be adding to my personal practice.  So, I can get an overview (often to see if I can take a main idea or detail and incorporate it into something I do), but then I don't need to read a whole bunch on it.

Ultimately, the goal is to refine your practice.  To keep it sharp and focused.  You want to be doing the things that call to you and to find the best representation of them in your life.  You will want to seek out the things that you do 'just because' or the things that other people have told you that you should be doing (but you really don't get invested in them when you do them), and start figuring out how to let them go.  You might need to find alternative practices, or you might need to do work to let go of those outside influences.  But when you have a finely honed practice, it will be smooth and easy (yes it will still often be work, but the work will be enjoyable!), and it will be something that builds you up instead of leaving you more tired than when you started.

The power of flowers

Humans have been using flowers for a variety of purposes from the dawn of time.  From food, to medicine, beauty to communication, flowers have always been a part of our lives and probably always will be.

There are as many different ways to use flowers in your practice as there are flowers in the world, which is to say that the possibilities are endless!  This gives us an extreme amount of flexibility in how we may choose to incorporate flowers into our work.

There are many systems already in place, that we can study, to learn about different meanings of different flowers.  One very common system is that of the doctrine of signatures, or more simply put:  things that look like other things can help them.  So, eyebright, which was thought to look like your eyes was used for remedies to help eye issues.  Many plants were named after what they were thought to be good for (like Lungwort or Liverwort).  But it wasn't just the shape of plants that drew these associations, they could be connected to things based on where they grew (wet environments helped with wet diseases), color (red flowers to help with blood issues), texture (hairy/furry plants to help ward off colds), scent (strong scented plants to ward off evil).  Even the types of animals they resemble or that eat them can be an association.

Along these same lines you find the Bach flower remedies, a set of tinctures derived from flowers that seek to remedy negative emotions and thus heal a person.  One interesting thing about Bach flower remedies is that they are often felt to be able to used symbolically, so you don't even need the actual tincture to use their energy, you can visualize the flower and call up it's energy to enact your healing.

Of course, there are tons of medicinal uses of flowers, and a walk down the herbal supplement isle of your grocery store will give you a good starting point for looking into flowers that are safe to ingest.  Another great place to look for edible flowers is the tea section.  Teas are an age old medicine, not only for the body but for the soul as well.  Many teas and supplements now are clearly labeled with the healing properties they grant, whether those are bodily (things that might help with digestion for example) or emotional (teas to calm nerves). 

Like many things, flowers can mean different things to different people.  We build up strong associations with flowers just through our everyday lives, and sometimes the reactions we have to a specific flower might surprise you.  I have always both loved and pulled away from roses, because I think they are beautiful, they smell lovely and rich, they are so soft to touch...but my middle name is Rose, and they are such a romantic stereotype, I didn't always like admitting I liked them.  Many people think of dandelions as a nuisance or weed, but they remind me of the simple joys of childhood (because by far and beyond they were the most common flower around..they were everywhere!  And who doesn't like blowing dandelion puffs???).

The language of flowers, or floriography, was a secret way of communicating by sending bouquets of flowers, where each flower had a specific meaning.  While it was used in many areas of the world, the most codified system is probably from Victorian England, where it was considered a civilized way to say things that might not otherwise be said.  I was fascinated with this idea when I was little, I loved the idea that you could gather up a selection of flowers and send someone a secret message.

We still use flowers to communicate, though not in quite such a detailed manner.  The type of flowers you might bring a date say a lot about what you feel towards them.  We give flowers when someone is sick, or to express mourning at a funeral.  Some flowers have developed strong associations based on how they are used, like the poppy flower, which has become a symbol for remembering military personnel who have died in war.  I have a stone that I painted with white, red and purple poppies for Memorial day (red for the soldiers, white for innocent casualties and purple for animals, all who died due to war), that cycles onto my altar.

Flowers can be used fresh or preserved.  One of the simplest ways to preserve a flower is to hang it upside down, and let it dry.  The petals can be removed, and used in all manner of things (be aware, if you are planning on ingesting them in any way, make sure the flower wasn't exposed to dangerous pesticides!), from tinctures to incense or simply used in spell work.  Flower petals can be crushed into a paste and turned into beads (roses work especially well for these, as the oils in the petals linger in the dried beads).  You can also add flower petals (fresh or dried) into salt dough to make seasonal sculptures or offering stones.

One of the things that I like best about flowers is that you can find them everywhere.  Even if you live in a crowded city, if you watch the cracks in the sidewalk or those little patches of dirt that are scattered here and there, you will find flowers.  They can be tiny, almost lost in the leaves, or they can dominate a field.  Many trees will be covered with flowers before they even start to grow leaves. 

Flowers are a simple and easy way to bring color and beauty into our homes.  We can keep cut flowers in a vase or cup on ourcounter top and bring a bit of freshness and nature into our indoor environment.  They hold strong emotional ties, and may remind us of simple delights, romantic encounters or pure love.

Play with flowers, and see the ways in which they speak to you.  Explore their world, and watch them open before your eyes.  Seek the wonder they hold, and uncover the magic of flowers.

Living with non-believers

We live in a very diverse world, but the three big book religions still tend to dominate many areas.  While many of us have found our own tribes, and have access to others who believe like we do, it is still very common for us to live with people who don't share our beliefs, whether they have a religion of their own or are simply not religious.

For the purposes of this blog post, I'll be using the term 'non-believers' to indicate someone who does not follow a Pagan/witchy path.  I am not meaning this in any way to be derogatory, simply that it is someone who doesn't believe the same basic things that we do.  Having a difference of something that is, for many people, a deep core value, brings struggles, and the key to any good relationship, whether it is a romantic, familial or friendship (or simply a roommate) is a mix of communication, boundaries and compromise, and finding ways to live with people who are different from us brings struggles, but isn't insurmountable!

My husband (and my son...who is now mostly off in college, but comes home for holidays and the summer) is an Atheist.  My parent's are casual Christians, as are my in-laws.  I live in the bible belt, so a good chunk of the random people I meet on the street are strongly Christian. 

I often feel very blessed because I have good relationships with the non-believers in my life.  Hubby absolutely doesn't 'get' most of what I do...but he fully supports me irregardless.  He always makes sure that I can go to festivals or rituals if I want to (and we are at all able to get me there).  He buys me tarot decks, while good naturedly teasing me about why I need so many.  He buys me Pagan books (I keep a nice little Amazon wishlist so he knows which ones I'm looking for). 

He is also really good at giving me space when I need it around the house.  I meditate in the morning, out in the living room, and I expect interruptions there (it's actually part of my meditation practice, to be able to stay focused no matter what is going on around me), but if I want a deeper meditation, or to do a ritual, I can let him know I'm going to be doing stuff in the bedroom (where my main altar is), and he'll respect my privacy.

This isn't to say we didn't have our bumps along the way.  Hubby is pretty blunt about what the thinks and believes, and he finds a lot of religion (not just what I believe) to be sort of ridiculous.  It just doesn't compute in his head, why people believe the things they do.  Sometimes he'll say things, then realize that what he's saying could be applied to me, and he'll immediately apologize. 

But really, I don't take these things to heart.  I know what he thinks and believes, and I know he may not understand what I think and believe, and maybe sometimes he thinks I'm a little silly...but he still loves me and respects me as a person (and aren't we all allowed to be silly every now and then?) 

When I was younger, and I lived at home, I had to be more careful with what I did and what I left out in my room.  My parent's don't get what I believe either, though they never told me that I couldn't do or believe things, just that they 'highly recommended' that I think about things.  I think the dynamic is definitely different when you are a child living at home (even if you are an 'adult'...if you live at home and aren't paying your full share of the bills, you are still functionally a child in the power dynamic in the household).

I kept my practices more secret back then, not only to avoid the inevitable lectures, but also to avoid causing my parent's stress.  I didn't need to be loud about what I did.  I could do what I needed to do in the privacy of my room, and my parents definitely respected a closed door. 

Often though, younger people who are just starting out are struggling with figuring out what they believe, while at the same time perhaps breaking away from the religious beliefs and practices that they were raised with.  Many families go to church together, and kids are expected to attend.

Sometimes this leaves young people in the position of having to either keep quiet about their growing personal beliefs or outright defying their parents.  While my family didn't go to church regularly when I was little, when I was in high school and college, my dad wanted to go to church, so we started going.  I was a practicing Pagan at this point, but I didn't mind going to church.

For me, I was able to sit back and strip away the Christian terminology and listen for the good life lessons that were being taught at services.  I was lucky in that my dad preferred churches that taught how to be a good person and weren't focused on the shame and punishment aspect of things (we toured a lot of different churches before he found one he liked and we stuck with).

When you are in a situation where you are living with a roommate/housemate, that tends to be a completely different dynamic too.  It is more like a business partnership sometimes, while other times you are living with friends.  When you aren't close friends with the people you are living with, then it can be helpful to set distinct boundaries, to have solid house rules that everyone agrees with.  Especially if you are of different faiths, it can help to have rules about how the common areas will be treated. 

You may need to restrict your practice to your bedroom.  I shared a house with two other girls for a while, and while both knew about what I believed and practiced, I did keep my rituals and things in my own room.  This was partially an act of respect (not expecting them to not use the living room while I was doing a ritual), and partially out of privacy (I expected things in my room to be left alone, and if I had my door shut, I had the expectation of not being randomly bothered).

I also shared a room in college with a roommate.  This was even more tricky, because we literally had a tiny box that we were sharing, there was no real privacy.  My roommate was quiet, and I'm pretty sure she was Christian, but we mostly kept to ourselves.  I had some witchy pictures up on my corkboard (each of the beds had a corkboard on the wall beside them), and I actually set up my 'altar' that way (I had a picture for each of the four elements, with a God and Goddess picture in the center...so it was like a virtual altar on my corkboard!)  I kept my witchy books in one of the drawers under my bed, and I tended to go do my rituals outside on campus somewhere (we had a fair amount of places that were pretty private on campus, where someone sitting and murmoring to themselves would go unnoticed)

I haven't personally lived with anyone who was devoutly something non-Pagan.  But I have had friends over the years who were very outspokenly Christian.  I would be fine living with someone who was strongly faith oriented, as long as they were willing to respect boundaries.  Which means if they wanted to have their faith stuff (crosses, statues, pictures) in the common areas, then they would have to be okay with me doing the same.  And they couldn't be constantly telling me I was going to Hell or trying to convert me.

And sometimes, people can't respect the boundaries you set up.  They aren't willing to allow other people space to believe what they believe or practice their own faith.  Every one of us needs to decide what we are willing to put up with, and where to draw the line.  And this may change based on what your situation is.  At some points in your life, you may have to adjust and submit to less than idea situations, because you have no other place to go.  But other times, you may need to put your foot down, even when it makes you uncomfortable, because allowing someone else to impact your living situation is even more unbearable.

At the end of the day, living with anyone is a compromise, and sharing space with someone who does things differently that you leads to conversations and give and take.  If all involved are willing to respect each other, to find ways to coexist and look for ways to be mindful of what the others believe, then you can have a harmonious home, even if you are living with non-believers.