Conversations with divinity

 I love the saying that Prayer is when you talk to deity and meditation is when deity talks to you.  And both prayer and meditation are things that many people struggle with.  But a conversation is a mixture of both talking and listening, so it really is a combination of both prayer and meditation...it is an interaction with the divine, and it doesn't have to be hard or intimidating.

There are as many reasons to want to converse with the divine as there are reasons to pray or meditate.  Perhaps there is a problem you are struggling with, or you feel like you need comfort or reassurance.  Maybe you are wondering if you are on the right path or if there is something big around the corner.  Or maybe you have been hit with a tragedy or burden and you want to know why.

Since conversation is a two-way street, it allows for more interaction than prayer or meditation alone.  It lets you go back and forth, asking questions or making statements, and then listening for a response.  It has room for more nuance than a one-sided communication, lending itself well to clarifying and exploring things in more depth.

The format we use for divination can often be a great way to approach a conversation with the divine.  Now, I know that not everyone views divination as messages from divinity.  A lot of people use their divinatory tools as ways to work with their shadow self, or their child mind or other, internal bits of themselves.  But it can be used as a way to reach out to divinity, if that is your intention.

And laying the cards one by one, can be a way to build a conversation, especially as many spreads associate a question with each card drawn.  If you go into it with the intent of conversing with the divine, you can phrase your card draws as different parts of your conversation, allowing the divine to respond through the cards.

The really interesting thing about this is you can expand your normal divination routine, tuning it to the conversation model.  You may want to speak your questions and comments out loud, or write them down in a journal, but you may not want to have more than a few bullet-point questions on hand ahead of time (think of it like having a conversation with a person...if you have something specific to say, you might have some notes, but you wouldn't script out all your lines!)

As you ask something, you can draw a card as the response.  For this type of work, you might want to have all the cards fanned out and you can ask divinity to guide you to the right one.  You can even do this by flipping through the decks (looking at the card faces), and seeing which one stands out to you.  It may take some practice to get familiar with the techniques...and to trust the answers you get, but it can be a great way to give voice to the divine.

Of course a very traditional way to converse with deity is through visualization.  You might envision yourself in a place sacred to the deity you are wishing to talk with.  You can ask for the deity to come and speak with you, and visualize them walking into their sacred place.  You might have laid out an offering (like bringing a gift when you go visit a friend), and you could have placed it on your altar and then visualize it also being present in the sacred space.

A similar method is to converse with deity in your dreams.  You might follow the visualization up to the point of waiting for the divine to show up, and then you allow yourself to drift off, knowing that your dreams will hold the conversation you are seeking.  It is a good idea too keep a journal by your bed, when you do this, so you can jot down any impressions you have upon waking up.  You might also find that returning to the meditation once away can help you remember what you talked about.

Another method of conversation is to have another person invoke the deity.  Invocation is a practice where a person offers themselves up as a vessel for divinity, so that the deity can speak through them.  This may or may not be something that the people you know are comfortable with.

A twist on this is to invite the deity to inhabit a picture, and to use your voice (or hand, if automatic writing is something you are familiar with) to respond to you.  You can sit in front of the picture, and have your conversation, speaking your own questions and thoughts and then seeing what comes through as a response.  You can even do this with a mirror, using a mask or shroud to change your image.  This can be particularly effective, as you can see the mirror image move as it responds to you.

Whatever reason you have for wanting to have a conversation, there are a lot of different ways you can work with.  Try the ones that sound most appealing to you, and see what works best.  You may find that certain deities prefer one way or another.  You can also always just ask how they would most like to talk to you!  Irregardless of which method you use, entering into conversations with the divine can be a very moving experience, and can deepen your relationship with the deities you work with.

Breaking ties with items

 A very common magical practice is to attune items so that they are connected to you.  We often do this when we first acquire something, going through a whole process of cleansing it (to remove any energy or connections that were already present) and then dedicating it to our practice (either in a broad way or towards a specific use we have in mind for it).

But much less talked about is the process of breaking our ties with an item.  This is something you may want to do when you are ready to let something go, whether you are passing it along to another person or throwing it away.  

Now there are many reasons why you may want to break ties with an item.  Firstly, it is an acknowledgement of your time together and the work you have done.  It's a formal way to recognize that your relationship is coming to an end.  Especially when the item was something beloved (and possibly broken or no longer working as intended in your practice...perhaps something you have outgrown), this can help you  move forward without being held back by what used to be.

Practically speaking, it also literally severs the energetic connections between you and the item.  Even if you never officially dedicated it to your practice, prolonged use can create energetic bonds, and these bonds are a way for energy to move between two things.  Most of the time these bonds are neutral, but even without being an active drain, they are still a portion of your energy that you don't have full access to.  Think of it like having one more thing in your drawer that you have to shift through and move when trying to find the thing you actually want...it's one more energy tie that you are maintaining (and doing nothing with).

And finally there is the more malicious reason:  our ties to items can be used against us.  This might not even be a deliberate thing.  If we gift an item to someone, and they have strong emotions about it (or us), we may find our energy being sucked into that emotional drain.  But also, if we have built a strong energy connection to an item, there is a bit of us in it, and therefor it can be used as a proxy for ourselves (if someone were magically inclined, it could be used as a focus for spellwork against you).

Now, I don't worry so much about the deliberate use against me, when I think about breaking ties with items it's more focused on maintaining my own energy and honoring the item for what it has done for me.  Breaking my ties with it lets me move onto new things cleanly.  It allows me to say goodbye and express my gratitude for all the things the item has done for me, and especially if I am struggling to actually let go of it (I am a bit of a hoarder, so this is a common struggle for me, even with stuff I don't actually use), it helps me to create a clear and solid boundary..the thing is no longer tied to me.

So how does one actually go about breaking your ties with an item?  It's basically like a combination of reverse consecration combined with a cleansing.  When you consecrate something, you are creating ties and recognizing how you will work with an item, so when you are ready to let it go, it helps to name those ties, and deliberately release them.  If you consecrated the item (or worked with it) with different elements or deities, then you will want to pull those things back.

It may be helpful to think of it sort of like taking down a circle.  When we cast a circle, we call in elements, deities and spirits that we will be working with.  We lay out boundaries and designated a purpose.  When we take the circle down, we release all the elements and beings we called in, we open the circle and we 'reset' the area to what it was before.

This is what we are doing when breaking ties.  We are pulling back our own energy (and any other energy we put into the item).  We are resetting it to factory settings.  We are making it a blank slate.  I like to include wording like, "My time working with you is over, and as we go our separate ways, we are each complete to ourselves, no longer connected and entwined." 

While breaking ties should be enough, it can also sometimes be helpful to cleanse afterwards, just like you would when you are bringing an item home (especially one that is a second-hand item).  I like to cleanse with the four elements, so I'll pass an item through (or near) a representation of each, and use wording along the lines of, "By air I cleanse you, blowing away all residual energy so each breath is new and fresh.  By fire I cleanse you, burning away all that clings and creating fertile ground for new growth.  By water I cleanse you, washing away all impurities and leaving you sparkling clean.  By earth I cleanse you, grounding out any energy or vibrations and transmuting all back to bare earth."

You can even create a symbol or item to help neutralize energy in an item, sort of like how we use charging sigils or plates.  It may be a symbol you draw on a piece of paper and wrap around anything you are getting rid of, or it may be a physical tray or box that you store things in for a time before you pass them along.

This method can also be used to break ties between yourself and bits of you (like hair and fingernails), if you are concerned about such things.  It is something that used to be mentioned, and as I said before, I don't really worry about other people gathering up my bits and using them for ill, but I do keep a running mental image that once bits are separated from my body, they are no longer 'me'...no longer connected to the part of me that is my Self.

It can even be used to help break ties with a person with whom you no longer wish to be connected to (whether it is a romantic breakup, the end of a friendship or breaking ties with a toxic family member).  Learning to manage your energetic connections helps you better control your own energy...what is coming in and what is going out.

And, you don't actually need the item in hand to break your ties with it.  Just as with any other magical working, you can use a representation to stand in for the item (or person) you want to break ties with.  This is particularly useful when you find yourself pining over a lost item or reminiscing about a thing you used to have (but can no longer find).  Breaking ties lets you start the process of moving on with your life.

Whatever your reasons for breaking ties with an item, knowing how to do it is a handy bit of work that can be quite cathartic. It can set you up for a new chapter in life, and lets you let go of things cleanly and manage any emotions that might come up.  It allows you to gift items to people in a 'like new state' so they aren't burdened by your experiences or energies.  All in all, properly breaking ties and cleansing an item is as important of a practice as dedicating items, but it is much less commonly practiced.

Magic your mundane

 One thing many people strive for is daily practice.  And by this, they often mean "finding moments of spirituality in my everyday life."  But we can approach daily magic in the opposite way, using magic to enhance our mundane actions...not just to make them magical, but also to make them more effective.

Learning to find the sacred in the ordinary is definitely a skill, but learning to infuse our everyday actions with intent, to make them more than 'just' chores or necessary actions, helps us transform things that we might otherwise shy away from and make them meaningful to us.

I think of it as a way of reaching down instead of looking up.  When we search for spirit in every moment, we are looking up.  We want to elevate every action and make it sublime.  But when we reach down, we are appreciating the very ordinary, everyday things.  We are making them more of what they are, more vital and basic and wholesome.

Let's consider washing up for a moment.  We wash (or clean) stuff all day long, every day (or at least I hope you do...I do!)  Whether it's washing our hands, washing dishes, showering or cleaning the house, the very act of living means that we are creating a need to wash.  When we lean into the washing, we look to see the purpose of our cleaning.  

 

I kind of dislike cleaning.  It's one of those never-ending chores that pretty much needs to be done again as soon as you finish it.  But I love it when things are clean.  I get an intense sense of satisfaction out of that moment when you realize that the thing that was grimy is now shiny.  Clean things just feel better, they feel lighter, they make you happier (and the inverse is true!)

I've talked before about how I elevate my cleaning, and tie in cleansing to my cleaning...working the energetic as well as the physical.  And that definitely is important!  But it's also important to not get so focused on the ethereal that we skimp on the mundane actions.  It doesn't matter how much I shake the bells on my broom, that won't get rid of the dust bunnies under my kitchen table.

Now here's the interesting bit.  When we focus our energetic intentions on the physical actions, things loop back around.  If I'm scrubbing a pot, and I am saying a little chant to help me stay focused on the task, I'm also engaging those higher energies.  I'm adding in layers of energetic cleansing, I'm shifting my mental state...and I'm getting rid of those burnt on bits.  Using magic to enhance our physical actions brings us more benefit than doing both halves separately.

Everything we do, throughout the day, can be enhanced by magic.  And the best thing about adding magic to mundane actions is that most of the time simple is better.  If I am adding intent to washing my hands, I don't want to have a five minute ritual with a bunch of supplies....I wash my hands a bunch of times throughout the day, I don't need to over complicate it.

Instead, think about what you are doing and it's purpose.  Think about how you can entwine magic or energetic practices with the mundane stuff you are already doing.  Remember, the key is to enhance the actions, not detract from them.

Often, simple mindfulness is all it takes.  If you are stirring something, what are you stirring in or how are you mixing things up?  If you are locking something, what are you protecting it from (and if you are unlocking something or entering in a password, what are you opening up to)?  What are you taking into yourself and what are you getting rid of?

Sometimes, changing the atmosphere creates a magical environment that makes it easier to stay connected.  Lighting incense or some candles, putting on theme music, ritualizing your actions...these can all be triggers to help you focus and work with intent.

And a quick note on ritualizing actions.  In this case, I'm talking specifically about creating a particular order of doing things.  We can ritualize anything, and you don't have to be religious or magical to ritualize something.  Most people have an evening ritual, a particular way they tend to get ready for sleep.  It might involved doing things to specifically shut down the day or it may include things designed to help make your sleep better.  

I find that by ritualizing my prep-work, any task becomes easier.  In cooking it's called 'mise en place' or literally 'putting in place'.  It basically means get everything you will need assembled and prepared so that when it's time to do the thing, it's easy.  When cooking this not only means making sure you have all the pans and utensils you need, but also getting everything chopped and ready before you turn the stove on.

This has saved me SO much fuss when cooking, and it's something I do tend to try to apply to other areas of my life.  When I am putting my laundry away, first it gets sorted into piles by type (and where it's going).  I've learned (through experience lol) to sort and fold my socks first...as they tend to get lost in other clothes, and it's much easier to find that runaway sock in the clothes on my bed than to try to remember what I have already hung up in the closet, pulling everything back out, and trying to find the lost sock.

Even full on magic ritual is much aided by this concept, and having all the things you will need for a working at hand (and prepared!) before you start makes things go smoother.  I definitely do this when I do divination as well, gathering up my deck, laying out a reading cloth, grabbing my journal (for recording the spread), the guidebook (if the deck has one, so I have it handy if I want to check something), my phone (if I am taking a photo of the spread to share).  If I don't do all that first, it makes things feel disjointed if I have to go and fetch the guidebook or my phone.

Another simple way to keep focused is to do one thing at a time.  Just like you wouldn't try to work two different spells at the same time, you should focus on one mundane task at a time.  Many tasks have natural stopping points, and it is fine to swap focus then, but if at all possible, stick to one until you get it done, then do the next.  This helps you keep your energy together instead of wasting energy trying to keep track of what step you are on in each thing!

By applying magic to your mundane tasks, you are doubling down on them.  You are approaching your life with a holistic intent, and creating something truly magical.  Instead of dreading the less exciting tasks, you will have a way to enhance them, and appreciate them for what they bring into your life.  Soon, you will be looking for more ways to mix in a little magic, in everything you do.

Patriotism isn't blind

This is a tiny step away from my normal witchy topics, but we'll circle back around I promise!  I wanted to write about Patriotism and what it means to love your country, as we in the US are celebrating our independence day, and in light of some of the things that have been going on in the world as of late.

One of the reasons why I think that our issues with patriotism are so universal (applying not only to people of many nations, but also to concepts outside of actual patriotism) is because our understanding of pride has become warped.  True and healthy pride is an appreciation of our own abilities and actions, though an unhealthy expression of pride is when we overvalue our own importance or merit (especially when we view it as a form of superiority).  

 

Pride itself isn't bad, but pride doesn't actually require being 'better than' someone else.  You can take last place in a contest, and still be proud of the work you did...especially if you did your best and improved from your previous efforts.  We forget that our value isn't dependent on other people, we are worthy entirely on our own merit, and how well someone else does doesn't actually change how well we do.  This is a key fact that many people overlook, and pride has become a way to show that you are right and everyone else is wrong.

And this is where we start to encounter problems.  Because we have made pride into a contest, we feel a need to hide any issues or weaknesses that might exist.  How can we be proud if we aren't the best, and how can we be the best if we are struggling with something.  Instead of being honestly proud of the things we do well and trying to figure out how to do better in things we aren't quite so good at, we want power over anyone who is challenging us, and we create these crazy arguments as to why the things that aren't quite so great are "actually the best, and you would know that if you were smart!!!"

This deliberate wearing of blinders and becoming aggressive when challenged is what turns patriotism into nationalism.  The distinction here is that patriotism is love for ones country, while nationalism not only includes the idea that your country is the best but also that people in your country should have some sore of homogeneous identity (often a cultural identity based on traditions local and exclusive to your region)/

Now, I know that many other countries have embraced cultural diversity and sharing, but I don't think many countries have as little of a 'core' national cultural identity as the US.  We are a country of immigrants, a country made of people from all over.  If you really want to argue about our national culture, it would be Native American culture, which is of course a highly problematic viewpoint.  More accurately, our national culture is one of blending, of taking different groups from around the world, kind of mixing them together, and creating something new.

In this sense, we are a very young country, and our national culture isn't as steeped in tradition as others.  This often makes people even more adamant in how they defend what they feel are their traditions, and they will fight harder for things that aren't as old or meaningful as they may think.  This isn't to say that newer things can't have meaning, but there is power in practices that have been practiced by people for generations, and often these types of practices have deep seated (cultural) reasons for how and why things are done...and more modern practices are instead rooted in 'doing what we can with what we have.'

Does this sound familiar?  Are we seeing the parallels between patriotism and nationalism and the historical versus neo-Pagan practices debate?  Do we recognize how some of the arguments being made in the magical community are just as ridiculous?  Can you see how we, as humans, have this tendency to identify with groups and to turn those groups into exclusive clubs....and the need to prove that the one we belong to is the best one of all.

So how do we address this trend, and how can we stop these types of destructive pride from running rampant?  I think a lot of it starts with education and honest reflection. It takes learning to actually listen to what people are saying, and not just lashing out at what we think they are judging us about.  It means really questioning what 'has always been done', and being honest about where practices originate from.

 

We need to stop ranking everything!  'Best' is a completely relative term, not only can the best thing change depending on who is using it, but it can change based on what it is being used, where it is happening, what the needs of the moment are, and any number of other variables.  

We need to go back to valuing what is actually being done, not just what people say is happening.  We need to look for evidence and facts and do our own research and checking, not just blindly share something because we read the headline and it made us feel stuff.  We need to be especially critical of things that we feel strongly about (whether those feels are positive or negative), because we should always remind mindful that these are the areas in which we are the most blind...and most prone to believe what we have always believed.

We need to continually challenge ourselves to do better.  Not better than other people, but better than what is and better than what we did yesterday.  We need to think about what could be, and be willing to work towards it, instead of just accepting things as they are.

We need to speak openly about our experiences, and we need to listen when other people speak.  It doesn't matter if something has never happened to ME....what matters is if it is happening.  Just because my personal experience is one thing, that doesn't represent the whole of all experience.

And we need to challenge people when they spread falsehoods.  I'm not saying that people can't ever be wrong our change their mind, but when someone deliberately tries to convince other people of something they know is wrong, JUST to prove that they are 'right'...we need to make that unacceptable.

There is a lot going on in the world, and a lot of things are starting to spiral out of control.  But the way to stop the momentum isn't to squeeze our eyes shut and hope it ends soon, but to fight, and to make ourselves aware of what is happening and where we are headed.  Don't be complacent because things 'aren't so bad right now', but be upset because things are moving towards someplace really bad.  Take your blinders off and don't let yourself be led astray!

Accepting change

 If there is one thing in life that is constant...it is change.  All things change, and change is inevitable.  There is no way to stop things from changing, and the sooner we get that, the better.  Change can also be really hard for us to accept, and we may find ourselves fighting tooth and nail to avoid change.  We might deny it, clinging to a past that doesn't exist anymore, or we may try to ignore it keeping our focus somewhere else, but nothing we can do will stop the change from happening.

Some change is great!  When we are in a low place, or perhaps not the best of situations, we welcome change.  We seek it out and try to call it to us.  Sometimes we are so eager to leave where we are at that we don't really think about what kind of change we are embracing and we rush blinding into a worse situation simply because it's different.  

But sometimes, things are good, and we fear change.  We want those happy moments to last forever, and we know that the higher we get, the more likely it is that change will take us down a notch.  We worry that what we have built will all come crumbling down and we'll be left with less than what we started with.

Sometimes, change is lateral, meaning it is movement but it's really not up nor is it down.  Things shift, but we remain in relatively the same place that we were before.  We may get a new job, but it makes about the same and our interest level in it is similar, so yes, there was change, but then again not much really changed.

The thing with change is that we have to be willing to accept it.  To embrace the change, whatever it is, and learn to roll with it.  Because the thing is that resisting change just makes it harder for us to find whatever good might have come from the change.  We are so busy trying to keep things the same we may miss opportunities or overlook the blessings that happened in the midst of all the chaos.

If, on the other hand, we focus on the journey, we can learn to open our arms to the wild ride of change and be excited to see what it will bring us to.  We will be ready to pounce on the things that are whizzing by us, instead of trying to grasp what is being pulled away.

Even with the worst changes, there are bright spots.  When you think your world is ending, instead of looking at what you are loosing and being sad, focus on the happy memories.  Tuck the good times away in your heart and mind, so that you can look back whenever you need a boost.  Those bright bits can make the transitions of change a bit easier, because you aren't focusing on the loss and chaos, but on the things that you cherish.

It can be really helpful to formally acknowledge the change.  This is why we, as humans, have so many celebrations and graduations.  We ritualize our transitions, so we can honor both where we came from and where we are going.  And you can create your own rituals to help you through any changes that you are struggling with.

Start by looking at what was.  The more honest you can be, about both what you love and will miss, and about what wasn't so great and that you will be happy to let go of, the more smooth the change will be...even if what was is mostly on the good side.  Simply by naming the great things, we firm up their presence in our lives, and we reinforce the desire to have similar good things come back to us.  By naming the less than great things, we pinpoint what we don't want.

Next, go through your list of things and think about how the change might effect them.  For the good things, think about ways in which they might become even better.  Loosing something wonderful doesn't mean it is devalued to us, and finding a 'new' thing (that might be more wonderful) doesn't make our past joys any less.  In fact, it is often those previous happy moments that let us really appreciate the new ones!

For the less than good things, think about how the change could open the way for something better.  Use the upcoming change to focus your energies on growing and expanding.  The point here is to replace each negative with something better.  And sometimes, if you have been down for a long time, thinking big isn't in your vocabulary, and that is okay.  Remember, better is relative, so maybe the new job isn't your dream job, and it's still not in a field you particularly enjoy, but it's got better pay or it's got better hours....or maybe even it's just different (new bad is still more interesting than the same old bad you've always had).  

Working through an upcoming change can helps us prepare mentally for the chaos that change brings.  It is a way for us to get accustomed to what may be, and to say goodbye to what was.  If you work through the change in a journal, or by creating something to honor the change, then you will always have that journal or creation, alongside your memories, to look back on, when you are feeling nostalgic (or when you want to remind yourself how far you've come).

Change can't be avoided, but with a little work, we can mitigate it's chaotic effect on our lives.  We can tune down the negatives and play up the positives and we might just find that instead of dreading upcoming changes, we begin to look forward to seeing what newness they can bring into our lives!

Appreciating the sun

When you say magical, a lot of people think of night time, with the moon hanging in the sky and stars twinkling above.  The moon gets a lot of magical attention, with different attributes for each of the phases, and many people work with the moon throughout the month.  Even if you only work with the four main phases (new, waxing, full, waning), you are still doing something roughly every week.

But when we think about working with the sun, we typically think about the Sabbats.  We have these large moments that honor the suns cycle throughout the year, tapping into the seasons and how the world changes.  So, we work with the sun every one and a half months.

I think the sun sometimes gets overlooked because it is so very constant.  The sun rises every morning (sure, the time varies, but how many of us are up every morning at sunrise to be aware of that) and sets every evening, and we are used to being out and about when it is shining in the sky.

In a way, we take the sun for granted, which is a seemingly glaring oversight especially for anyone who works with nature and celestial bodies.  It is the most present force in our lives, and by all rights we should work more with the sun than any other celestial body, but because it is always there, we over look it and seek out more interesting astrological events to work with.

Our bodies literally absorb sunlight, which increases our vitamin D production (a vitamin that aids in calcium absorption), it can help the body release serotonin (which helps improve our mood), and it is important in regulating our internal clock (helping you sleep better).  This is why some people struggle more in the winter with depressions, as they aren't getting as much sunlight.

Of course, we are well aware in this day and age, of the dangers of the sun as well.  We know that spending too much time out in the sun unprotected can cause sunburn, which isn't good for us in the long run.  The good news is it doesn't take much time (about ten minutes a day) to reap the rewards of the sun.

I definitely find that when I'm feeling low that going out in the sun boosts my mood.  I don't sunbathe for long periods, but sometimes I just need to get out and face the sun (with my eyes closed!) and let it soak into me.  The curious thing (for me), is that if I spend a lot of time outside (like on summer vacation), my body will retain that feeling of warmth for a very long time (I'll feel less cold for weeks afterwards).

There are a lot of ways to work more closely with the sun.  One of the simplest is to greet the sun every day.  And no, you don't have to get up at dawn to do this!  I greet the sun as part of my morning ritual every day, whenever I wake up.  I open the window and take a moment to gaze outside, seeing what the weather is like.  I have a small chant I say that says goodbye to the night and hello to the day.  I find this helps me really start my day off right.

Another way to work with the sun is to charge things in it's light.  Just like I go outside and soak in the sun, I can take my tools outside and give them a dose of sunlight.  We charge items in the moon, why not the sun!  It is just as magical, and you don't need to leave your stuff out all day, just take the things you wish to be sun-blessed outside and ask the sun to charge them for you.  This is great to do with any sun aligned herbs or stones, but also any fire or air tools.

Moon water is a pretty common ritual supply, and while you can certainly make sun water, why not take it a step further and brew some sun tea.  This is a really simple beverage to make, just take a large jug of water and some teabags outside and let it steep in the sun until it is as strong as you would like.  The heat helps brew the tea.  You can add some honey to sweeten it (honey also has great golden sun energy), and drink it when you want a bit of a boost from the sun!

Even though we see it every day, the sun is a powerful force, and could play a greater role in our magical practice.  It is tempting to look for the mysterious and mystical when we seek out the magic in our lives, but we would be limiting our experiences if we didn't spend more time tuning into the sun (and not just thinking about it at Sabbats).  Step outside, turn your face to the sun, and just allow the energy to fill you up!

Role of Fatherhood

 Father's day is just around the corner, and it is a holiday that many people have mixed feelings towards.  It's funny because it is the counterpoint to Mother's day, and yet more people are comfortable celebrating their mother (even if their relationship isn't great), than their father.  

I think a lot of it is our changing thoughts, as a society, on what it means to be masculine and how that applies to our perception of fatherhood.  What was once thought of as traditional values now sometimes cross into toxic masculinity.  Things like being stoically anti-emotional, being strong to the point of pain, being the sole provider (so the wife can stay home and take care of the house and family), and being over-protective of their families.  The thing is, that all of those points can be expressed in a healthy way, as long as we don't take them to extremes.

And I think that is one point where many people get lost.  It isn't about hating men or talking about how fathers don't take on household responsibilities, it's about looking at the individuals and not the stereotypes.  I read a really great article on Archetypes vs Stereotypes that I think explains things well.  The issue is that most people think they are upset by the archetype of the father, when actually they are upset by the stereotype.

Think about the 'not all men' response.  Almost all of us know great fathers, whether it is our own or not.  We know that some fathers share in the emotional caring for their children and some help around the house, and some fill the role traditionally filled by the mother.  But we still have these negative stereotypes around fatherhood, and these seep into our relationship with our own fathers (and our children if we are the father)....and our self.

Much like we can mother ourselves, we can also father ourselves.  We can be the things we wish our father had been, and even if we have a wonderful father, we can step into that role and support ourselves when he isn't around to help us.

While 'mother' is associated with emotional support and comfort, 'father' is connected more strongly to pushing us to keep going when things get hard.  Remember, we are talking about archetypes here, of course not every mother or father displays these qualities, and that is perfectly fine!  But when we are thinking about fathering ourselves, it is a bit of tough love.  

Fathers tend to be the ones to push us to try harder, to get back up when we fall and to not be afraid of getting hurt.  Now, this isn't to say that they don't want to protect us, because protection is a core attribute of fathers as well.  But fathers look at the bigger picture, and know when something is a growing pain (as in a challenge to be overcome) and when something is a danger (something that will actually cause you deep and lasting pain).  

And while we have the mother bear image of protection, fathers are constantly on the lookout for threats to their family.  They consider all things potential dangers, and will work to make sure the environment is safe for the ones they care about.  While the mother stays behind and guards the vulnerable, the father goes out and hunts down the thing that is lurking in the shadows.  It is a more active defense.

Connecting to the father within lets you be your own backbone.  It is stepping into that fierce pride you feel when you have struggled for so long, but finally you get things figured out.  It is being vigilant and seeking out ways to ensure your safety, before any threats reveal themselves.  It is knowing how to handle small pains and focus on the goal at hand to get the job done.

I was the only child of a military man, and my dad definitely pushed me to try harder.  He led by example, and I grew up wanting to be like him.  He is one of those people who just doesn't always notice the small pains, and it wasn't uncommon for him to come in from working in the yard with a bleeding wound that he didn't even know he had.  He taught me to stand up for myself, and that fighting shouldn't be my first solution to a problem, but that if I had to fight, then fight hard and fight to win.

He also taught me to be confident in my own abilities, and to not let anyone else tell me that I wasn't capable of doing something (regardless of my age or gender).  Dad encouraged me to be well rounded, to not have to rely on anyone else (asking for help is one thing, but being helpless is something else entirely).  

These are the things that I seek to do for myself, when I work with the father within.  I want to be my own champion, so that I can be strong and trust myself.  My dad doesn't live near me, so I don't seen him often, but the more I work with fathering myself, the closer I feel to him.  But if your father isn't one who fills the fatherhood role for you, then working on fathering yourself can help break those ties between what you feel fatherhood should be and what you experienced as a child.

Regardless of who your biological father is, who filled the father role for you when you were little, or your relationship with them, whether you had one father, no father or many fathers, learning to father yourself can give you a well of strength to draw upon.  It can help to mend your sense of trust that might have been broken when you were a child.  And it can bring your inner world into better balance by giving you the other half of the foundation you need (alongside learning to mother yourself).