Knowing when to move on

 

 Life is change, and all things come...and go...in their own time.  I've been writing this blog, on and a bit off, for 11 years now, and it's time for me to move on.  Like most things that have been a big part of our lives, it can be hard to move forward and let go of something, even if it's no longer serving you in the way that it was previously.  But acknowledging where you are in life and what your needs and desires are, as well as the limits of your capabilities, is an important part of life!

 

When I first started blogging, I didn't even share my posts with anyone...literally no one knew I was doing it.  I was just typing my thoughts out into the void, and it was a way for me to mentally process things or organize my thoughts on a subject.  In the early days, it was also a way for me to feel connected with other Pagans and witchy folks (weird I know, especially since I didn't tell anyone about it, but it still made me feel like my voice was getting out there).

Along the way, I've done several blogging projects, which have helped me connect even further with other bloggers and pushed me to expand my own blog...in ways that I often resisted (like adding photos to my posts...or actively sharing them in a way that hopefully promoted conversation about the topic with other people).

And it's been something that helped me feel meaningful, both as a writer and as a Pagan.  I was able to put my thoughts and opinions out there, in my own space, and talk about the stuff I wanted to talk about.  I always love when people mention bits that really stuck with them or ideas that they hadn't considered (but were really excited about).

But, after 530 blog posts (yes, I did the math lol), I've been feeling like I'm starting to repeat myself.  I try very hard to only revisit topics if I have something new to say, but it's definitely been a struggle in the past few years, to think about what I want to write about.  I've always tried to keep my blog kinda politics free (which definitely shifted around 2020, and I ended up talking about more topics that were both controversial and related to current events).  

Mostly though, it was becoming to feel more tedious than exciting.  I'd plan out my topics and pre-write blogs (because that helped my brain feel less burdened by the bits that were less exciting to me), but blog writing became something that I did because "I was supposed to"...and not so much because I was passionate about it.

On top of that, with my new job, my time and energy has been severely limited.  Over the past few months (since I started working), I've managed to keep my blog going, but it's definitely been a task I don't look forward to...and I don't want that to be the energy of my blog!

I feel like this is the point where I often try to be stubborn, to push myself beyond what I should be doing, and convince myself that because "I can handle it" that I should be doing it.  But just because we are capable of doing a thing doesn't mean it's healthy for us!  

So even though it feels bittersweet, I know that it's time for me to retire from blogging.  ((at least for the moment...because who knows what the future will bring, I am not saying I will never blog again, but for right now, this is something I need to set aside))  With my time being more limited, I have to decide which things are a priority for me, and I want to focus on my personal path right now.

One of the ways I find very helpful to transition change is to make a formal acknowledgement of it...and that's a bit of what this post is.  It's my way of recognizing the end of this part of my life...and the start of something new.  My blog will still stay here (as long as Blogger is around hehe), and I hope anyone who is wanting a bit of witchy rambling will still poke through old posts and read things that seem interesting to them!

I appreciate each and every one of you who have ever read my blog...even if you are a lurker that I don't know about (I've done plenty of lurking in my day!)  The thought that someone might find value in what I've written was a big motivator for me, and I have loved reading comments, and interacting with readers over the years.  I am so grateful for all the people I've met along the way, and all the things I've learned:  about myself, about my path, and about the differences and similarities we all share.  I wish the very best for everyone, and hope the New Year brings a fresh start if you are looking for one (and that you have a smooth transition with anything you are setting behind).

May your days be filled with joy, laughter and learning, and your nights with sweet dreams and restful recovery!

Welcoming back the sun

 

 In the middle of winter, Yule is the time for us to welcome back the sun.  Today, we think of this as a symbolic gesture, we know that it is the moment when the days start getting longer again, and the sun will be out more, but our ancestors didn't know take this expectation for granted, and until they saw the signs of the longer days there remained that fear that maybe this year the sun would just keep getting less and less.  Welcoming back the sun was a heart-felt appreciation for the life and warmth it brings to our lives.

One common practice I see a lot of people embracing for Yule is to stay up all night (and literally welcome the sun back in the morning).  And while this can be a really powerful way to celebrate, it isn't necessarily accessible for everyone.  Obviously, some people work, and others may not be able to stay up all night for a variety of reasons (children, health issues, age).  A simpler practice would be to watch the sun rise, but even that may be difficult or impossible for many people.  

But while experiencing things in person may be an idealized practice, the truth is we live in a day and age where we aren't limited to that!  We can watch videos of the sunrise, or look at breathtaking pictures that capture that magical moment.  We can read poems that put emotions into words, or read other descriptions of the wonder of sunrise.  It can be really eye opening to read about other people's experiences, to be able to put yourself in their shoes for a moment and see what the shared experience of sunrise means to people who live very different lives from ours.

We might also take this opportunity to do a bit of journeying, and to wonder about how our ancestors might have approached this time of year.  It's one thing to think about the hardships they might have faced, and another to try to put ourselves in their place.  Doing a visualization and stepping into the role of one of our ancestors can not only open our eyes but can teach us so much about how similar (and different) we are.  

I have always thought that one of the hardest things for us to really grasp is how uncertain things felt.  People made up stories to try to explain all the mystery of the world around them.  They noticed that the sun rose and set at different times throughout the year, and they didn't understand why, but as the months grew colder and the sun was out less, it was only natural to worry that maybe this year it wouldn't come back (especially if you also consider that they felt that gods were present in the world around us and that we could displease them in a way that would make them lash out to punish us).

Trying to put yourself back in that situation, to really feel how it must have felt (or at least as close as we can come to understanding it) not only brings us closer to our ancestors, but it gives us a unique perspective on some of our modern fears (I may not worry about the sun not rising in the morning, but I have definitely thought about the effects of our sun one day dying, or other catastrophic events that science has told us are possible).  It makes me feel comforted to know that one day, perhaps one of my decedents will wonder how I could possibly worry about things like that (because they may have figured it out and know how things work).  It reminds me of the idea that any science significantly advanced enough will appear to be magic (and also that maybe one day what we see and practice as magic might be fully defined and understood as science!)

I also feel like the sun has a very different role in our lives today than it did in times past.  If you go far enough back, the sun was the only reliable source of light, and so it's cycles truly dictated our ancestors lives.  Even back before the advent of electricity, light at night was not always accessible (or abundant), and people lived much of their lives at the mercy of daylight.  Today, we are not as limited, and yet we still find ourselves drawn to the light, and especially when something like daylight savings time comes by and we notice the big shift (and it is now dark in the afternoon...) and we feel off kilter.

Even when it comes to electric lights, we are constantly striving to make our lights more natural and realistic (or we run in the other direction with things like color changing LED lights).  We know that indoor lights are not created equal, and many people struggle with different qualities of light.  We also know that actual sunlight is important for many health reasons (from our sleep cycle to emotional regulation and mental well being).

So even though we don't worry about the sun not rising in the morning when we go to bed at night, we need to acknowledge the important role that the sun plays in our lives.  It warms us and lights our way and grows our food and it is nice to have this time dedicated to acknowledging that and taking the time to not only show our gratitude but to also express our appreciation to the light for all it does in our lives. 

Slowing down and turning inward

 

 One thing that has changed dramatically over the years is how much the seasons effect us.  Modern technology has allowed us to live as if the world were the same every day, year round.  Our ancestors didn't have that luxury.  When winter came, their whole life changed.  There were lots of things they could no longer do, and much like the natural world, they worked hard during the rest of the year so that they would have the resources to manage the winter, and as a result they had more free time in the winter months.

This time would often be spent connecting with each other, listening to stories (and learning from the past), and thinking deep thoughts.  This is something I feel we have lost so much with our modern 24/7/365 paced lifestyle.  We no longer have these fallow times where we can let go of our burdens and simply be.  We don't have time every year to contemplate our lives or the things that are important to us.  Sometimes we can't even find time to sit with our own thoughts for a few minutes.

But that kind of decompression time is necessary!  And introspection is a very healthy practice for everyone that I firmly believe we don't do enough anymore (especially with so many distractions constantly at our fingertips with phones and computers and on demand content of every kind).  It's a sad fact that many people can't stand to simply sit with themselves for even a few minutes.

And I know that we are all busy, and trying to cram as much as possible into every second because we know how precious time is.  But this is one of those things that seems like a 'waste of time' but actually gives us so much more!  

Taking time to rest, to dream, to think and to simply be has amazing restorative properties!  I often think of this kind of practice as a form of meditation, and so much has been written about the benefits of meditation, even if you can only squeeze in a few minutes here and there.  It's one of those practices that I feel that any attempts have benefits, and that no matter where you are in life, you can add in a bit of stillness and be better for it.

If we are really honest with ourselves, sometimes we do things just to fill the void.  I find myself scrolling social media or searching for something to watch ALL the time.  And I'm definitely not suggesting that we never do these things, as sometimes distraction or mindless entertainment is exactly what we need.  But we can also shave a little time off of these kind of things and give ourselves space to simply be.

One of my favorite times to start with are those little moments of waiting we have scattered throughout our day.  If we are stuck in a line, don't pull out your phone and start filling that time, but simply allow yourself to think.  If you are cooking dinner and waiting for a pot to boil, sit down, have a sip of water and let your mind wander.

I should note, I think it's important to really let yourself play with this time.  Do your best to not focus on your to-do list or worry about that thing that someone said to you. Let yourself walk down memory lane (but think about positive memories, or at the very least memories with lessons).  

Journaling can also be a great way to turn inward.  If you haven't tried stream of thought journaling, I highly recommend it!  You may find yourself thinking you don't have anything to write about, so start with that!  Grab a pen and just write "I don't know what to write about..." and then keep going.  Any thought that comes to your mind goes on your paper.  Spend a few minutes doing this, and then read back what you wrote (actually I love going back to old journals, reading entries, and then writing my current thoughts about what I had written before...it's a great way to dig deeper into things or just observe your own growth).

It's very easy, especially with holiday season looming ever closer, to find small delays frustrating and to be focused on how far behind we fell or our giant to-do list, but every moment you can stop the rush and the overthinking and just let yourself breathe and exist and think is a precious gift, and you may be surprised to realize how much reclaiming these small moments does to make you feel more refreshed and less weighed down by the hustle and bustle of modern life.

Our relationship with food

 

When we think of food holidays, Thanksgiving is often top of the list.  While it definitely has a questionable history, in the modern era it has become an excuse to stuff yourself on more food than we should probably be eating.  And (in the US at least), we have a pretty unhealthy relationship with food, not only when we think about the types of foods we eat but also the quantities.

Portion size is a huge problem in many parts of the world.  In some places, 'traditional' foods were designed for people who were going out to work hard labor all day, and so needed a hearty, calorie rich meal to see them through.  While of course many people still do labor intensive jobs, many of our modern jobs aren't as physical as they used to be (especially for anyone who has a desk job or works at the computer all day), and so our dietary needs can be quite different from our ancestors.

We also have access to a TON more processed foods, foods high in things we don't need a ton of:  salt, sugar and fat.  Yes, these things are highly craveable, addictive and enjoyable to eat, but they shouldn't be the bulk of our diet.  Sadly, for many people, these foods are also more affordable and available, and if you are limited in budget or depending on where you live (and how much time/money you have to spare just traveling to find better food options), you may be stuck with trying to do the best you can with whatever processed foods you can afford and manage to purchase.

The real kicker about healthy food options is most people know (at least in general) what foods are healthy and which ones aren't so good for us.  But we have been socialized to crave the less healthy foods, and simultaneously shamed for eating them (which leads to a lot of complicated emotions and often some negative self-talk, even if you are honestly doing your best to eat in a way that is good for you and within your budget).

One of the first things I think that we need to do, to repair our relationship with food, is to really look at which foods you like (and don't like)...and why.  I also feel that it is important to keep trying foods we may not be super excited about, as I have found there are quite a lot of foods that I enjoy when prepared a specific way, but don't really care for when prepared in other ways.  Many people haven't enjoyed foods at their prime or prepared in a way that really highlights their best qualities, and so they think they don't like things that they very well may love (if cooked the right way).

But of course we all have personal preferences as well, so there may be dishes that we will never enjoy.  And sometimes those foods are part of a 'traditional' spread, and so we feel more guilt when things like Thanksgiving roll around and we are torn with deciding whether or not to cook and eat the traditional foods (that we don't enjoy) or breaking from tradition and making foods we relish.  Personally, I'm never a fan of eating foods because we 'should' (with the very small exception of religiously significant bites, but even then, if it's a huge no for you, then it's a no!).

This is a bit more complicated when we talk about family, especially if you have a family that really gets into tradition and is hosting a family dinner where you know there will be dishes you don't care for (but you may be expected to eat because "Aunty worked really hard to cook this for us all, and you need to be polite and eat it and tell her how much you like it").  This is one place where I think we ALL need to do better.  We can politely decline (and bring a dish that we know we will enjoy eating if we also know there will be a lot of foods we won't wish to eat), and we can be understanding when someone prefers not to eat something we have made, no matter how hard we worked on it.

I also want to talk a little bit about something I've recently been learning about:  safe foods.  For some people, food is more than just a matter of not liking something.  Food distress can be intense, can stop people from eating certain foods and can lead to a lot of food related mental health issues.  Safe foods are ones that are quite literally that:  safe.  They are often foods that are processed (because they are made the same way, and thus you can expect the experience of eating them will be how you remembered it, as opposed to things like fruit which can vary highly depending on how ripe they are or things like that).  

Safe foods often remind me a bit of comfort foods (and a safe food can definitely be a comfort food!).  Comfort foods are ones that we turn to when we aren't feeling so good and just want to feel cozy and cared for.  Quite often they are either indulgent (like a guilty pleasure), or have strong memories attached to them (like the soup your mom always made for you when you were sick).  And we can give ourselves guilt about these foods too, even as we seek them out for comfort (especially if your comfort food is one that is not technically 'healthy').

We should try to have the best relationship with food that we can, and also try to not beat ourselves up for the ways in which our eating habits aren't ideal.  This may look like trying small bits of new foods, even if you are unsure, and it may also mean not letting yourself feel bad for turning to a safe or comfort food.  It means being mindful of how you eat, and how you think about the way you eat, and how society's views on how you eat impact your mental health.

While there are a million people out there who may try to tell you how and what you should be eating, at the end of the day, you are responsible for feeding yourself, and only you can know how the foods you eat truly effect you.  Part of being an adult means being honest with yourself about your actions, your motivations and your thoughts, and trying to improve (even just a tiny amount) when you can.

So keep that in mind this Thanksgiving, or at any other family dinner, feast or even meal you eat by yourself:  that you not only get to decide what you want to eat, but you must live with the consequences of those choices.  And you are the only one who can balance your needs, cravings and desires.  It may not be easy, but if you work on it, you may just find that your life is improved by your willingness to work on your relationship with food.

Holding paradoxes

 

 When you stop to think about it, Faith is all about embracing paradoxes.  Faith asks us to believe in things we can't see, and can't prove (by traditional means).  And often, Faith and Science don't exactly agree.  But the thing is that both Faith and Science can hold paradoxes within them, and sometimes it's okay if you have conflicting thoughts and beliefs.

One of the areas I see a lot of discussion about is in deciding what is 'real'.  Especially when it comes to things like magic or spirits, people can get very caught up in wanting to prove that things are 'real', the same way that we experience the mundane world around us.  And I think there is great value in looking for mundane explanations first, ruling out the expected before we turn to the unexpected.  But I also think that many spiritual concepts just can't be quantified and proven...and that's okay.

I often think about this when I think about divinity.  I believe that the divine (God, Gods, higher self, Nature...however you conceive of divinity) exists in a way that is beyond our human understanding.  We ask questions, because that is how we come to understand things, but we don't always get answers (or we might not get the concrete answers we want), and sometimes that makes people uneasy.  For me, I embrace the paradox of believing in something that can't be proven but can only be felt.  It's like trying to prove to someone else that you are feeling something.  You can explain it with a million words, but they just have to take your words as truth, because we have no way of actually sharing our experiences directly with someone else.

I do tend to think of myself as a very science minded person.  I love logic, and I like things to make sense, which can sometimes be very frustrating when it comes to spiritual matters.  There are a lot of things that I have had to learn to take on faith, to understand that they work because they work, and I may not ever know why they work or how they work, but that has to be enough.

For me, one thing that I always come back to is the idea that even if I'm wrong, even if the gods I pray to don't exist....my spiritual practice brings me peace and joy, and that has value.  The rituals that I observe give me a way to deal with things in my life that I don't have a lot of other options for dealing with, and that has observable benefits in my life.  So even if I'm completely deluding myself, the things I do are beneficial to my life, and so in one sense it doesn't matter if I'm right or wrong, my path is still good for me.

And this is another place that paradox fits into my path.  I am constantly questioning my own practices and results.  I am looking for the ways in which I may be playing into my own desires.  Divination is a perfect example of this.  I read mostly for myself, and a lot of people (rightly) question whether your own internal bias will effect how you interpret cards for yourself.  I lean into this idea, and when I draw cards for myself, and I get a strong feeling about a meaning, I also ask myself if I am just seeing what I want to see in the cards (instead of seeing what is there).  I find that this helps me go deeper, because I question my own results, and through that process I uncover a lot about how I am thinking and feeling about a situation.

 

It is my personal opinion that questioning the things you believe in doesn't weaken your faith, but rather it makes it stronger.  I don't want to blindly follow, I want to question and poke at things and then make an informed choice.  And sometimes that means ignoring all the evidence to the contrary and taking that leap of faith, and sometimes it means adjusting my beliefs because the experiences I have don't line up with what I've been taught to believe. 

At the end of the day, my faith should serve my life.  I will always question, and I will always look for both the mundane and the fantastical explanations for things.  I will embrace the paradoxes of my faith, because I feel that strengthens my beliefs and gives me a stronger base on which to grow.  I will acknowledge the ways in which my path sometimes doesn't make logical sense...but still works for me.  And that is what is most important...that what you do works for you.

Figuring out your spiritual needs

 

 One of the things I've always loved about Paganism is how much of it is very much 'choose your own.'  Sure, if you join a group or pursue degrees in an organization, there may be structure, but in our personal practice, there are no hard and fast rules or really anyone to tell us that we should (or should not) be practicing a particular way.

And in fact, this can be a struggle for a lot of people, both new and more experienced.  It's hard, because you kind of have to figure it out yourself, there is no guidebook to turn to when you have a question about how often to do a thing or whether one method is 'better' than another.  It definitely takes some getting used to, that every part of your practice is ultimately up to you.

I also think it complicates things that many resources out there suggest a way of doing things, but don't make it clear that it is JUST a suggestion!  I've read so many books that will introduce a practice, like meditation or reading tarot, and they will give suggestions on how often to do something, but not give a lot of options for if that one way doesn't quite work for you.

Meditation is a great example.  A ton of sources recommend meditating daily, often for between 10-30 minutes.  And for some people, that works great!  For others, it's too long, or too frequent.  Maybe you just don't have that much free time (and you don't want to spend what time you do have meditating!), or maybe you tried it and sitting for 30 minutes a day was just too much for your body.  

 

One saying I absolutely adore suggests that doing a thing at all is better than not doing it (often applied to difficult tasks, where we may not be able to do them perfectly or even completely, but doing a little is still better than not doing it at all).  In the case of meditation, if 30 minutes a day doesn't work for you, but you enjoy doing 30 minutes once a week on the weekend...do that!

Many people like to have a framework to start from, and books are great for that.  It used to be that Pagan books told you how to do things (as in they explained how to cast spells, how rituals were structured, how to ground), but didn't often suggest a plan for actually doing all the stuff.  However, in recent years, more books have come out with a plan, whether it is a way to build up practices or a full year of daily activities.

If those kind of things appeal to you, find one that seems enticing and give it a try!  I haven't seen a suggested plan yet that I feel I would be worse off for having tried it, even if it didn't work for my life.  So you really aren't out anything by giving things a go, and you might find that even if the whole plan doesn't work for you, bits of it do (and you can always keep the parts that work for you and let go of the rest!).

I think that having a rough idea of what you want your path to look like can help, so it may be useful to sit down and brainstorm about what spirituality means to you.  Are you looking for something with more structure, or do you need freedom to follow your whims?  Do you want daily practices that you can build on, or would you rather stick to bigger observations throughout the year (or both!)  How close of a relationship do you want with deities...or do you even want to work with any?  Do you want to work alone, with others or a combination?

These are a few, broad questions to start with, but anytime you learn something new, you can ask yourself how you see that fitting into your practice.  It might be that you want to start off learning a little bit about a bunch of different topics, just to see what interests you the most, or maybe you already have something you really want to dive deep into, and you can start planning out how you want to approach that study.

I feel like one thing to always keep in mind is that you are absolutely free to change your mind (and your practice!) at any given time.  You may have tried some things out, and realize that it's too much or not enough for your needs.  Adjusting how much time and energy you devote to this aspect of your practice can make it fit better with your life.  And remember, we are constantly changing, so our needs might change too...a practice that fits you now, might need adjusting in a few months, or even after decades of doing things a particular way.

 

Wherever you are on your path, spending some time to check in and see if your spiritual needs are being met (and are meshing with the rest of your life), can be a very helpful way to make sure you are living the best Pagan/witchy life you can.  And just taking a moment to think about whether you are doing enough, or too much, of anything can be a helpful starting point in figuring out just where that sweet spot is for you.  You may be surprised to find out that things that you thought were 'just fine' could actually use a little tweaking!

Brainstorming work

 

One of the things that I think takes the longest to get comfortable with is creating your own spells and rituals (or any practice really).  As much as I feel like Paganism embraces individualized and personalized practice, most books only go into the bare bones on how to build a working from the ground up, and many 101 books don't really talk about doing your own thing at all.  They just include a handful of premade spells and rituals, and often those don't really fit (because we are all individual, and we might live in a different country or time period from where the spell originated, which also makes things complicated).

 

I've always been a big fan of making your own spells (and for ease of wording, I'm going to say spells for the rest of this post, even though the same process can be used to build any spiritual working, from rituals to protections to Sabbats!), or at the very least tweaking the bits that don't work in spells you find out in the wild.  In my very early days I did work with spells straight out of books, and while it has a certain comfort level (because it's very easy to doubt your own capabilities), it was always like wearing hand-me-down clothes....they feel like they don't quite fit most of the time.

 

But writing your own spells can feel daunting, and for many people even figuring out where to start is an issue.  It's one of those weird things that feels like it should be talked about everywhere, and yet it's not, and when it is talked about, it's in a very bare bones kinda way (I mean even this blog post won't be as complete an explanation as might be wanted, but it's more extensive than a lot of the 'how to write your own spells' sections we see in books). 

The start is always the why...why are you doing a spell.  Note, I don't start with what you want to seek, because I feel like the why is always more important than the what.  The why will lead to the what (and sometimes, as you explore the why, you discover that you are actually needing to work towards a different what than you thought you did!)

So start by asking yourself why, and really dig in here.  If you wanted to make a spell to get a job, why are you looking for a job (do you want money, more excitement in your life, a chance to do something creative, or are you just bored).  Notice, that all of those things could be reasons to find a job...but many of them lead to very different types of jobs.  Knowing the why of your spell will help inform every step of the process!

Sometimes the why will be straightforward, like if you have a friend who is sick and you want to do something to help them heal.  You care about your friend and you want them better, that is your why.  But sometimes the why is more elusive, like if you want to loose weight, your why might be that you want to be healthier, but it might also include wanting to look better (and feel sexier or more confidant) and that you want to be able to play soccer without feeling winded immediately.  You don't have to pick just one why, in fact exploring the many reasons behind your spell can help you create a much more inclusive working!

If you are struggling with understanding your why, it can be helpful to get outside advice.  This might mean turning to your favorite divination method, and spending some time journaling out your whys, or it might mean asking a trusted friend or loved one for their input.  Just remember, if you are talking to other people, that you want to not only ask someone who you trust (and who knows you), but also someone who isn't going to try to talk you out of doing your work (sometimes you can get advice on your why without explaining what specifically you are planning on doing, so take our job example, you might ask a friend what type of job they think you would enjoy without telling them you are planning on doing a spell for it).

Once you have your why, you can start to think about the main shape your spell will take.  There are tons of types of spells out there, from candle spells to jar spells to bag spells or simple fire and forget spells.  This is one place where reading examples (especially examples that are similar to what you are planning, so if you are wanting to heal a friend, looking at a selection of healing spells can give you a sense of what other people have found works, and that is a great place to start!).  You might also just like one method over another, and prefer to use it, and that's perfectly fine too!

Almost every spell includes correspondences of some sort, whether they are physical items, representations or simply words to be called upon.  This is where your whys really come into play.  You will want something to represent all of your whys, so if I am wanting to loose weight (to be healthy, to look sexy and to be able to enjoy soccer more), then I should have at least one thing to represent each of my whys.

I sometimes think of deities as a way to include more correspondences.  I have a pretty wide group of deities I work with, so I have a lot of choices for deities that will fit my spell.  And sometimes you can work with multiple deities for the same spell, though this can often require more planning (and some deities just don't work well together, so understanding how they interrelate is important too).  You don't have to call on a deity for your spells, and some people have a patron deity that functions like a catch-all for them, when it comes to calling on deities in a spell.

I also want to note that spell creation isn't necessarily something that needs to be done all at once, in one sitting or quickly.  It can be, and learning to create on the fly is somewhat of a different skill, but for the purposes of this blog post, don't feel like you need to rush the process.  Sometimes, I will let an idea stew in my head, and that helps me come up with connections and ideas that I might have otherwise missed.  If you are planning your spell like this, having a notebook or some spot to jot down your ideas and thoughts as they come can be really helpful!

And, your actual 'spell work' doesn't have to be done in one setting either.  Sometimes, we ritualize the prep, especially if you are making any kind of herbal blend, poppet, totem or amulet/talisman (which might need to be prepared ahead of time).  Your spell might also extend into the future (like when you burn a 7 day candle for a spell), or have reactivation activities (like shaking a jar spell when it needs a boost or charging a ward every full moon).  

With any spell work, I think it's important to not pressure yourself too much over the results.  You aren't a bad witch/Pagan if you do a spell and it doesn't work out.  It's not even necessarily that the spell didn't work...sometimes our spells are like trying to hold back the push of the ocean with just your hands....you might not have enough force to create the change you are working towards.  But every spell you do (especially those you create) help you become better at them in the future!

One thing that I think can be important (but often overlooked) when talking about spell creation is reflecting on, and adjusting, the spell after the fact.  Especially for something (like a healing spell) that you might want to use again in the future, taking the time to think about (and make some notes on) what went well and what didn't go as well as you would have liked, along with how the spell felt as you did it and the results afterward...these all help to let you refine the spell for future use.

 

Creating your own spells isn't as hard as it first seems, and the benefits are countless.  Not only does it give you the ability to tailor your spells to your exact needs, but it also gives you complete control over what you use to do your spell, what deities (if any) you choose to work with, and how complicated or simple you prefer your work to be.  I highly recommend anyone who hasn't made their own spells give it a try...it's not as scary as it sounds!

Balancing your practice

There is an old saying, "The witch who can not hex, can not heal."  And I think it's such a great example of the balance that we need in our lives, and our practices.  I also think it's interesting to note that it doesn't say that you SHOULD hex anyone, just that if you don't know how that hinders your ability to heal.  

Look, I'm not saying that in order to have a healthy spiritual practice that you need to delve into all the horrible things that are out there in the world (because we know that people do horrible things, often in the name of spirituality), but I am saying that if you refuse to see the darkness that is present in yourself and in your practice that you are keeping the blinders on and you can't be fully formed if you refuse to see all that there is to see.

All things in life have two sides, and much like a coin, there is no line separating the two....it is one coin, all that changes is your perspective...both sides are a part of the whole.  In every horrible thing, there is some spark of light, and in every wonderful thing there is some potential for badness.  It is by recognizing and accepting that bit that we can truly embrace the whole.

For most of us, shadow practice fills this role in our path.  It is a way we can work with the darker parts of ourselves..in a way that allows us to maintain our boundaries and remain in control of our actions.  But I also feel that doing shadow work on ourselves helps us to see those broken bits in other people...and to have compassion and understanding when dealing with behavior that is less than ideal.

It sucks, but sometimes we have to be the bigger person, and part of that is recognizing when someone is acting from a place of hurt.  It doesn't mean we have to accept their actions, but it definitely helps us balance our own mental health when we can see that the behavior isn't always intended, but sometimes a reaction to something else.  If we never look inside and seek out those broken bits of ourselves, we can't see them in other people either.

One of the things I've always loved about Paganism is that there is a place for the dark and the light in it.  We work with the cycle of the year, and with nature, and both have a time for growth...and a time for death.  There is darkness, harshness and pain in the natural world, but there is also light and joy and wonder.  Even our deities often have both good and bad sides to them, embracing both the positive and negative aspects of themselves.  And having complicated deities like this allows us to better accept that complexity in ourselves...because if even the Gods have dark sides, then ours don't make us bad people....just people.

When it comes to working with both the light and dark in your practice, I definitely think that turning to nature is very helpful.  We can look at the world and see how the things that we might have turned away from initially just fit.  Death, violence, fear...these things all have a place in the natural world.  Death creates change, which combats stagnation, and makes room for new growth.  Violence can be used for aggression, but also for defense, and among animals can help maintain social order and weed out those who can't work with the group.  Fear can be a tool to avoid violence or a way to encourage survival (animals often fear dangerous things like fire).

On a more personal level, learning to be grateful for things that are sometimes seen as negatives can help bring a more balanced perspective to your path.  When I do gratitude work, I am not always grateful for only things that are traditionally 'good'.   I am grateful for the bright spots in my life, but I am also grateful for the darkness.  At the start, I was mostly grateful for the ways my negative traits could benefit me (like I am pretty stubborn, and that means that once I get my head set on a thing, I'll work until it's done), but I have learned to be grateful for even the most rough parts of myself...simply because they are part of me.  I have a lot of mental struggles, but even though my life would be much easier without them...I wouldn't be me, so I am grateful for those hard parts of my self, and how they fit with the rest of me.

One thing to remember, is that balance doesn't mean equal.  You can find balance in all kinds of ways.  Balance might mean working the whole of a cycle, releasing or banishing something, then building up something new.  It might mean doing work to fight back against people who are trying to take advantage of you (especially if they are counting on the fact that they think you won't fight back).  It might mean forgiving yourself for allowing bad behavior towards you while reinforcing your boundaries so that it doesn't happen in the future.  It might mean cutting out people who refuse to accept their own darkness (because we aren't responsible for other people's work, only our own boundaries).

The world is full of both darkness and light, and without either one it would be a much worse place.  Finding a place for both the good and the bad (and sometimes the ugly) in our practice is one more way to embrace all that life has to offer.  Accepting the easy and hard parts of ourselves gives us the room to grow and become the amazing, incredible person we are meant to be and it also grants us the ability to see the complexity in other people and to accept them without compromising ourselves.  It is well worth it to explore what balance means to you, and to work that into your practice.  Because if your practice doesn't reflect all of you, and if you aren't whole inside....how can it meet all your needs?

Magical play

 

 Paganism definitely has a history of needing to defend itself as a serious practice.  Many people look at witchcraft as some form of make-believe, as if we all think that everything works like it does in movies and stories, where we can cast a spell and make something appear out of thin air or control people.  And I understand the desire to want to show that this is something deeply personal, highly meaningful and important to us.

But I don't feel that play detracts from the impact our faith has in our life.  And play is a great way to not only learn better, but to find joy in things that already have deep impact on our lives.  It can be a way to access that sense of childhood wonder that we often loose in adulthood.  Plus play is simply fun!  And there is no rule that says that important, meaningful things can't also be fun.

A lot of the practices and tools we use can also be used for play.  Something I've been doing as long as I can remember, far longer than I have been Pagan is daydreaming.  Now I might call it visualization, but sometimes it is literally just sitting and letting my brain play with fun ideas.  It's like playing a game of what if with yourself:  what if I was a cat, what if I could fly, what if I was three inches tall.  But daydreaming is also a great way to practice visualization in a simple and stress-free way.  Because if you can't quite picture it clearly, that is okay, there are no consequences (whereas if you are working to visualize something as part of a ritual, your goal might be harder to reach if you can't visualize what you want clearly enough).

I also think of reading (fiction) and watching shows as a form of play, and often this gives me ideas of things that I later incorporate into my practice.  Especially because I love watching/reading magical content, so if it has witches or magic in it, I am probably going to want to experience it.  Even stuff that doesn't specifically focus on magic can create connections between things that I can use in my practice, like when people have an in joke and it becomes a symbol for them...but now I can also use that symbol to represent something that I might not have connected it to before.  It's a bit like learning from old teaching stories....you might just love hearing the stories, but you still learn stuff.

Arts and crafts are another big play practice for me.  There is a reason why art therapy is such a big thing.  Simply making something, out of your own creativity, even if no one else understands the meaning you put into it...there is something magical about it.  The process of creation is one that many people don't have enough of in their lives, and taking time to embrace the creative process can be hugely empowering!  For me, art play is all about letting my inner child out, so I really lean into that idea, and I love breaking out crayons or simple kids paints and just picking whatever colors I feel and not worrying about whether or not it looks like what it is supposed to.  Coloring books can be a great place to start, especially for anyone worried about their artistic ability (but remember, it's play, so it's not about making the perfect thing, it's about having fun making something).

I personally find writing a super fun thing to do, and it is one of my favorite creative outlets.  With writing, I can create anything I want, and it can be a powerful way to explore things that I am unsure of.  It can also be a great way to vent about things that are upsetting me!  When I think of writing, in terms of play, it's definitely about putting words on the page, and not about finding the perfect words.  Often, when I write for fun, I'll give myself a limit (either time or word count), and that helps me let go of the idea of perfect.  And if you struggle to get ideas, there are tons of fun writing prompts out there, that will give you a little nudge and help you get started.  

And then there are tarot games!  These range from more traditional card games (either takes on solitaire or a trump taking kind of game) to more creative games (which might mimic RPG style games).  There are also lots of ways to gamify reading tarot cards, from pulling cards about your stuffed animals to trying to predict what will come next in a show you are watching.  You can draw cards as art/writing prompts, or simply have a conversation with a deck (drawing cards for it's response).

I think the biggest thing to keep in mind about magical play is that the play comes first.  Though I firmly believe that all of these activities can benefit our lives and our practice, the whole point is to have fun...the other benefits are icing on the play cake.  So when you engage in magical play, really let yourself play.  It's fine if you want to reflect after, but in the moment, try to just enjoy what you are doing.

I absolutely believe that play is necessary for happiness.  And we all have different definitions of what play is and how we find our fun.  So you might have to try a bunch of things, to find what really clicks for you, but it is SO worth it.  I encourage everyone to find ways to work play into their practice, and I think you will find that not only is it a lot of fun (which can help our mental health!), but I think you will be surprised to find that it deepens your practice without much effort...because it's play after all!

Irregular practice

 

I think that when we think about our spiritual path, we always think of regular practice as the gold standard.  But more than just an ideal to strive for, we can beat ourselves up if we don't manage to keep our practice regular.  And yet, we live in a world that does not allow for our religion, and honestly life in general can be problematic for a regular practice.

 

What do we even mean about a regular practice?  For some people it means honoring the Sabbats (or whatever big, yearly celebrations you honor in your path), for others it might be working through the moon cycle, and for some it means daily practice.  But regardless of how frequent your observances are, when we miss one (for any reason), we can feel completely thrown off.

 

And I want to examine that thought a bit more.  Sometimes we end up not having time to make our spiritual observances because we have obligations (like job, family or something else outside of ourselves).  These kind of obligations can feel oppressive, often because we have zero choice about them.  Our job might have a set schedule, and we can't just take a day off because it's the full moon (and we don't have the privilege of our worship days being considered 'normal' days off).  Or we may simply have too much that we have to do in our 'time off' and by the time we get that all done, we don't have energy to devote to our spiritual practice.  

It's sad that we live in a day and age where we still have to make the choice between our mental health and our physical well-being (even though we KNOW that bad mental health impacts our physical health as well...but we also don't want to be starving and homeless).  It's frustrating to know that we don't get the same opportunities other people do, when it comes to religion and the observation of our faith.  But we also have to recognize the facts, and the facts are that sometimes we don't have the same options as other people, and we have to make do with the best we can manage.

We also have to deal with personal judgements on our spirituality.   A lot of people will accept "Sorry, I have church," as a perfectly valid reason to not do something else, but if we say "Sorry, I have ritual," we are being anti-social or rude.  And so we may end up having to choose between our faith and our friends/family.  Sometimes we can get away with making white lies, with giving some other reason why we are unavailable....but that can make us feel shame about something that is important to us, something that we shouldn't have to hide or make excuses for.  Or we may have to make the decision to cut people out of our life because they can't accept that this is something that is deeply important to us, and we shouldn't have to feel bad about making time for it!

As frustrating as external reasons are for interrupting your practice, personal ones can be more damaging to our psyche.  We are all human, and sometimes that means we forget things.  As someone who really struggles with both executive dysfunction and time blindness, keeping up with things is a huge struggle for me.  And the mental fatigue and stress that come along with that struggle are not great for either self-worth or actually doing things.  

One of the biggest things I have done to help me have a more regular practice....is to be kind with myself when it's not.  I have done a LOT of work coming to terms with the fact that I can't do all of the things that I want to do, and that on a bad day, I may not be able to do anything that I wanted to.  And that no matter how many systems I put in place to help me, I'm probably not going to 'always' do things.  And learning how to be okay with that took work.

I feel like another huge thing is to embrace the concept of 'just for today'.  Yes, I need to be aware of my own history, of both my strengths and weaknesses...but I also need to NOT beat myself up over my mistakes.  It doesn't matter how many times I've missed doing a thing....I can always do it today.  And if I didn't do it today, I can always do it tomorrow.  Sometimes this means me taking a moment to just let go of that expectation and judgement of myself.

I have always loved thinking about my path as a spiral....it's cyclical in that I work with a lot of cycles, but each time I walk that path, I am raising to a new level.  I'm building on each and every step I've taken before...and it doesn't matter if sometimes I miss steps or if there are long breaks.  Because I will never be walking over the same ground again, each step will be a new one and each one will carry with it all of my previous steps!

And there is something about that image that I find so comforting.  Even when I have to remind myself of things I've learned before, I'm not really starting over.  Even when I feel like I have lost everything, even when nothing feels familiar as I relearn, I am still a different person than I was the last time I worked on this particular thing, so I will be able to figure out new aspects of it.  And as someone who has to repeat stuff a lot, that is pretty comforting to me.

So I encourage you all to keep pecking away at what you want to do.  Set big goals!  If you want a daily practice, work towards it!  But whenever you falter (and you will, best you accept that right away), send yourself some love, learn what you can from the experience...and take the next step (when you are able to). 

Books of shadows

 

 Welcome to my library...or at least part of it.  I am a book lover and a writer, and of course I have a million books that make up my 'book of shadows' (honestly, this isn't even all of them).  When we talk about a Book of Shadows, it is often described as being a huge tome, handmade with an ornate cover, with illustrated and beautiful pages, holding all the information one has collected as they walk their path.

But as you can see, for some of us, one book just won't do!  Not only is it simply not big enough, but it may not have the organization you want (or need!).  And a fancy book of shadows probably isn't something that the average person would have had (even the big coven BOS' were probably quite plain on the outside).  Of course, we live in a time now where we are free to have beautiful and fancy books to write whatever we want in, so if you like that kinda thing, have at it!  I have a few really lovely and unique books in my selection...though as you can see, quite a lot are very simple or basic.

My first BOS was a three ring binder.  This binder....which was really just my favorite binder from school.  It has pockets (which is really handy for all those odd shaped papers that I like to keep in them).  But most importantly, it has tabs and three rings!  It let me move stuff around as often as I wanted, and in the beginning, that was priceless.  It also let me easily remove and add pages...at any point!

In my early days, I remember reading all about the Book of Shadows, and how it had a counterpoint, the Book of Light.  If the BOS was dedicated to the nitty gritty "stuff you do" then the BOL was all about inspiration:  poetry and stories that delighted you.  I think of it as something to turn to when you need a bit of spiritual uplifting.  I have a few books where I keep particularly moving poetry (one for poems I write myself, and one for others I find).  I even have a wishes book, which is basically a paper version of a pinterest dream board!  I have a bunch of pictures I cut out of magazines or printed out, and it's just all pretty witchy stuff that makes me happy to look at.

From there, my books just started expanding.  I made a little one (so it was portable!) for a Correspondence book, and I also made a travel BOS (which is a cute little leather bound book that I kept my most basic and most well used stuff in..for when I was away from home, but still wanted something!).

I have a dream book, though I struggle to use that.  I used to dream every night, but only remembered my dreams for a short time upon waking.  The problem was, that I really hated the process of writing it down.  As soon as I started, it was like the process of writing made the fragments of dream flee even further.  I think this is part of the process of figuring out which kinds of books you might want for your practice...sometimes they just don't work out!

Another type of book I kept early on (but don't use as much now) is a working record book.  I would record the spells and rituals I did, how they went and how things turned out (okay I almost always forgot that last bit...).  I have several of them now, though today I am more likely to use my witchy log than directly recording my work.

Speaking of the witchy log, that is a very recent book I started a few years ago.  I really struggle with keeping up with tasks (in all realms of my life), and a planner has helped my everyday life so much, I thought having a book specifically dedicated to my witchy life would help.  It gives me a place to check in everyday, do moon work, journal about the sabbats, record random witchy facts or ideas....and it's really working for me.

 

This kind of replaced my old Sabbat book, which was dedicated to my own reflections after Sabbat rituals.  This one sort of fell in a funny place for me.  It felt like a cross between reflective journaling and record keeping, but when I started keeping the Witchy Log, I just stopped using this one.

I also started some topic specific books (because my brain likes organization).  I have books dedicated to runes, to tarot, to astrology, to moon work...pretty much any subject you are interested enough in to want a separate book for!

Art books are another whole category for me.  I have the one that started it all, which is a smashbook I did for an intentional art retreat.  It holds art that was done with specific purposes, so some of the pictures are about exploring archetypes or grounding or transforming.  I ended up with another book (that holds hole punched pages) for loose leaf art, and what I call my healing art book (which is blank pages that I draw pictures/symbols in for healing).  Sometimes my magic isn't about words, sometimes it's about images or color or emotions and these help me tap into that.

I also keep a small book for future ideas.  I heard someone toss this out as concept, and it's so perfect for my brain!  The idea is that you write down stuff you might want to work on...but that you don't have time/energy/motivation to do right now.  It's a future log for magic!  Mine is broken into problems and dreams..so problems are often more outward focused (like when a situation in the world is just bugging you), while dreams tend to be more personal (though of course you could just keep all your future ideas together!)

 

Now, you can probably see that most of my books are pretty spartan.  I don't really decorate them (minus the art books, but those aren't technically decorated either...just full of art lol), because for me that honestly just feels like work.  It's also a bit like that feeling of having a blank (expensive) book and not wanting to use it (because you are afraid of 'messing it up'...though I find just deliberately making a mistake early helps in this...I'm not perfect, my books don't need to be either).  But many people really get into making their books into amazing art works, doing collage and making every word beautiful.  So if that's your thing, go for it!

And if physical books aren't your thing....there are always digital options!  I keep a ton of files on my computer, from books to stuff I've written to things I've clipped from websites.  I've been playing around with OneNote as a way to organize digital stuff, though I've heard great things about Notion as well (and seen some amazing digital books there!)  There are advantages to digital, it's easy to keep a ton of information organized and handy (and with smart phones, portable!)  Personally, I'm more analog than digital, I sometimes struggle to read online text (books are easier for me), so I doubt I will ever be fully digital...but it's so nice for stuff that I am not sure I want/need for the long term.

When it comes to your Book(s) of Shadows, the sky is the limit.  There is no right or wrong way to keep one, just ways that work better for you.  And there is nothing wrong with trying out a few!  Find the books you like to use (bound, spiral, 3ring, digital), figure out how you prefer to keep things (do you like one big book, lots of little ones, write as you go, dedicated sections) and then see which ones stick with you (because sometimes the one you are most excited about just doesn't click).

Making your home magical

 

 Often when we talk about a 'magical home' we have this picture in our head, of a big gothic mansion, with herbs and potion bottles scattered about, a cat or two roaming the halls and candles enough to be a fire hazard.  But there are many ways to make your home more magical, and ideally your home should reflect not only the aesthetic of everyone who lives there, but also be functional as well.

I adore a lot of witchy aesthetics, but many of them simply don't work for my life.  Candles are a perfect example.  I adore them, have loved them since I was a child.  But I am all over the house, and there is never really a good time or place to just have candles burning (especially because we have kitties who have zero sense of fire safety lol).  When I do burn candles, I feel like I have to carry them everywhere with me (including the bathroom...which can be tricky), and even when I use big pillar candles (with the fire sunk deep down) or jar candles (which are similarly protected) I am very mindful of remembering to put them out (which means part of my brain is constantly aware of the candles...not relaxing nor is it good for working on projects).

I still use candles, and candles are not only a part of my witchy practice, but also sometimes tools I use (especially scented candles) for writing (ritualize everything!) but they really can't be part of my home aesthetic (at least not lit ones...I have candles sprinkled throughout the house)  Also, with my eyesight, I need decent (white) light sources or it increases my eye strain, so while I can watch tv or just chill in a candlelit room, I can't read or do anything that requires reading well.

Of course aesthetics isn't the only way to add magic to your home.  A very common way is to add altar spaces, which may be in one room or multiple rooms, they may be working altars or devotional, and they might be obvious or camouflaged.  Camouflaged altars might just look like a collection or even just a decorative space.  The top of my desk is an altar, but I bet to most people it just looks like I collect a bunch of stuff.

This is something that I adore about personalized witchcraft...my sacred objects might not look like what you expect.  I have sacred dice, sacred coins, sacred cards (like trading cards), sacred toys...alongside the more traditional statuary, crystals and tools.  But having that flexibility to have dice dedicated to my deities allows me to fold magic into other aspects of my life, places that might not traditionally be associated.

 

We can also add blessings, wards and other workings around our house!  One of my favorite ways to do this is to tuck them behind, under or inside other things.  Draw or write out a blessing for every picture you hang in your house (especially for people, but you can bless things that other pictures remind you of as well).  Inscribe wards on the edges of doors (you can tuck them on the top of doors where no one can see, or even by the hinges, so that the two parts of the symbol meet when the door is closed).  I have tucked working papers in between the mattress and box springs of my bed, in the back of the laundry cupboard and in books (bonus points for matching the working to the book).

And some things are a mix of form and function.  I love picking out furniture, and making choices based on the correspondences of the item.  Browns remind me of nature and the earth, blues are restful to the mind, yellow is buzzed up on energy.  I pick things for the energy I want for everything I can, from clothes to my toothbrush to the jewelry I wear.

Speaking of making things work, take some time to think about the tools of your craft...what items do you need to have at hand to practice your path.  When I was first starting, I was at home and not 'out', so I kept all my magical stuff in one place (a wooden box meant to hold a chess set, and then after that a toolbox).  Not only did this keep my stuff safe from prying eyes, but it also made it easy to grab my 'magic kit' anytime I wanted to do anything...and pretty much I'd have what I needed.

Now, I have the luxury of being able to keep a lot of things out in the open, which is really helpful for my brain.  Especially when it comes to things (like tarot/oracle decks) where I have quite a few and would typically only use one at a time.  But I know that tucking them away in a drawer would mean I would forget (I'm very much out of sight, out of mind), so I found ways to have them out, so I can see them all when I am searching for a deck.  It's massively helpful for me!

And if you can't keep things fully out, there are ways to handle that too!  I used to keep all my obviously witchy books in one small bookshelf, that has glass doors on the front.  Simple solution:  I taped some pictures on the inside of the glass, so the doors looked decorative (and of course they were fantasy/witchy/magical pictures!) but they also hid the books inside.  Another great thing to use for this is tension rods and curtains.  (and bonus, tension rods are great for displaying jewelry so it's visible!)

Finally, you can consider your regular activities (you know, the stuff you do in your home), and how you might twine your path with them.  Cleaning is the obvious one for me, and I try to cleanse whenever I clean (in fact, I keep bells tied to my broom to help me remember).  Laundry could be a time to release any old emotions/energy (before the wash) and bless your clothes for the future (folding/putting it away).  Showering is a good time to do an energetic scan of your body.  And of course, we have cooking, which is pretty much magic already.

There are a million ways to make your home more magical, and I hope I gave you some ideas for a few.  But don't limit yourself to what I have mentioned, look for stuff that makes YOU think of magic, your path, your deities, your guides or any other part of your personal practice, and then think of how you could infuse those concepts in your home.  Don't be afraid to try things out and see if you like them...and "I just like it" is always a perfect response to anyone asking "Why do you have/do that?"

Giving without loosing yourself

 

 Lammas is around the corner, and it's a time of year when I always thing of generosity and bounty.  And sometimes, especially when you don't have a lot, it can be hard to feel like you are embodying that generous spirit.  Especially when we feel pushed (often by society) to 'give'...when we might not have enough ourselves.  Navigating the line between generosity and your personal boundaries can be quite tricky!

I think the first step is always to start with an honest evaluation of where you are.  Many of us feel like we are in a bad place, and obviously this is true for many of those people.  But sometimes, we feel like we are in a place of want, and then when we actually sit down and take a personal accounting, we realize there are a lot of ways in which we have more than we thought we did.

And this (taking a personal accounting) can be a great way to recognize where in your life you have some extra.  Maybe you like to cook in huge batches, and then get tired of it before you can eat it all...and perhaps you can invite friends over to share in your meals (not only helping them if they are struggling, but also saving you from having to eat the same thing for a week straight!).

But it also lets you become aware of any deficits.  To continue the previous example, maybe you have a little garden and you got in a bumper crop of tomatoes.  You talk it over with some friends and agree that they will drop off some other ingredients or bring side dishes, and you will make up a big batch of spaghetti or chili.  Everyone can enjoy it, people can bring some home, but everyone can contribute what they can to the meal as well.  

The important thing is to not fall into the trap of  "other people have it worse so I should always give to someone who is worse off than me".  This is where personal boundaries must be enforced.  If I honestly am struggling to pay bills and buy the necessity stuff, then I might not be in a place to give money to a homeless person.  Yes, they are absolutely worse off than me, but there are also a lot of people in the world worse off than me, and if I try to help them all, I will need help myself.

Instead, try to find the places where you can share a little.  Maybe that means finding things that you don't need anymore and donating them to shelters or outreach programs.  Maybe it means offering your time and labor to help in a community project.  Maybe you can connect people who are in a position to help with those who need it.

Even if you have nothing physical to give, you may be able to share information.  Help people in need find programs that will be able to help them.  Pass along good articles on ways to stretch resources or upcycle things.  When you find tips that work, save them and share them!

We tend to think of our harvest in a literal way.  It is the stuff we have (money, food, items...stuff).  But we are so much more than our stuff!  We have compassion, we have love, we have understanding.  Sometimes, what people need is simply to be treated like a person.  They want to talk about what they are going through and they want someone to listen.  They may not even want help (in the traditional sense), but might need a little compassion.  

And even though we are talking about non-physical stuff, you still need to remember your boundaries!  If you are already exhausted after taking care of your own life (you know:  job, family, self-care), then you may not have energy to give.  Or maybe you have time, but no emotional energy (or vice versa).  Sometimes navigating your boundaries means negotiating different ways to help.  Just remember that if you wear yourself out, you can't help anyone (especially yourself!)

Each and every one of us deserves to have enough.  And when you have enough, you can start sharing the extra (and that includes both stuff and non-stuff).  If we start thinking more like a community filled with individuals instead of just a bunch of people stuck in the same place together, it becomes easier to care about strangers...and when you care, you want to help!

So start by taking stock.  See where you stand, where you lack and where you have extra.  And talk to people!  Start with those you know.  See where your lacks and extras overlap.  And then reach even further out.  Think about what you have extra of and where that could help.  If more of us approached life like this, just imagine the amazing world we could create!

Negotiating differences

 

We live in a world with a huge amount of variety and differences between people.  In fact, I would bet that no one can name a single person who actually agrees with them on everything (even if they claim they do...often to avoid confrontation).  But for all the differences we have, most people also have never learned how to actually get along with people who are fundamentally different to us.

It is natural to tend to clump together with people who are more like us than not.  But the simple fact that someone is different doesn't make their differences bad.  I feel this is one big factor that many people just can't accept.

First, I think it's important to start at a basic understanding.  I, as an adult person, do not have the right to tell any other adult person how they should be living their life, AS LONG AS they are not trying to hurt or control other people.  It is not our job to police other people.  

 

Now of course nothing is as simple as that (sadly).  People often have different ideas of what constitutes harm, and we also have varying ideas about how to handle issues with kids (who can't always advocate for themselves).  But we have to start somewhere!  

 

We also have to learn to separate fact from opinion...and this is something a lot of people struggle with.  The thing about facts is that they don't care if you believe in them or not....they simply are.  Facts also don't have exceptions.  So if you are trying to argue about a thing, and keep finding outliers....it might be time to ask yourself if you might be trying to argue an opinion, and not a fact.

Once we get down to opinions, then things get tricky.  Because opinions are things that are true for YOU, but not necessarily for anyone else.  I can like, or not like a thing, but that doesn't make the thing good or bad...it just means it's not right for ME.  

And a very common attitude is that everyone else should adapt so that everything is right for ME.  The issue with that is that we can't all be the center of the universe.  And I honestly think no one should have that perspective.  ((even in special occasions...like when it's your birthday or wedding....it's okay to want to feel special, but if you feel like other people OWE you their misery just so you can be happy...that's not cool))

We share so many spaces and experiences in life, and we find ourselves in situations where we find ourselves in conflict with others.  We all end up in situations where compromise is the best course.  And it's been a pretty common thing in recent years for people to make their own struggles everyone else's problem.

Often, when we gather, there is someone who is in charge of the space.  This might be the actual owner (in the case of a store or home), but it could also be an organizer (in the case of an event).  And whoever is in charge of the space can set ground rules:  expectations that people in that space are expected to comply to.

We see this a lot when it comes to ritual hosting.  Especially since Paganism is such an open faith, and we each decide how we want to walk our path.  But when we come together, we need some structure to help everyone get along.

So, lets say we are going to be attending a ritual that is being held at a local park.  The ritual leader has let everyone know that alcohol will not be permitted (as per the rules of the park), but that it is also going to be an adult only event, and everyone present needs to be 18+.  They let everyone know that it is open to all genders, and that Loki will be honored at the ritual.

Having these kinds of rules gives everyone attending a sense of what will be going down, and what they can expect to experience.  As someone who wants to go to this event, if I disagree with the rules I can absolutely ask if exceptions can be made.  But, if the ritual leader explains that the rules are there for a reason, it isn't within my rights to demand that the rules be changed...even if that means I can't attend.

 

It doesn't matter if my personal beliefs state that drink must be offered at all rituals.  It doesn't matter if I'm a single mom with no one to watch my toddler.  It doesn't matter if I think that my 17 year old is mature enough to attend.  It doesn't matter if I am not comfortable with men being present.  It doesn't matter if Loki terrifies me.

 

On the other hand, the ritual leader doesn't have the right to tell people they have to come (and abide by the rules of the ritual).  It is every person's right to decide if they can abide by the rules of the situation...or not. 

So when you find yourself in a situation where there is disagreement, first look for actual harm.  Then consider whether or not the thing in disagreement is a fact or opinion.  Make sure you know the rules of the space you are in, and then talk about what accommodations could be made.  And if you still aren't comfortable....then it's okay to just leave.

When to fight back

 

We do not live in a world that embraces differences, no matter how much some of us would prefer it.  In fact, we live in a world where differences and being 'outside the norm' (which often translates to "not what the people in power/with money believe") can lead to people being treated as 'less than' (whether that means simply mocked verbally or something more sinister where life and liberties are threatened or taken away).  

 

As Pagans, we are often faced with the decision of how to respond these situations...either on our own behalf or on the behalf of others (because it has been my experience that many Pagans want everyone to flourish, and will defend anyone who is being wrongfully attacked).  And many Pagans have very strong ideas about when and for what magic (or petitioning our Gods) should be invoked.  Some believe that magic shouldn't be used to promote conflict, or should never be used to impact other people without their permission, or simply that it shouldn't be politicized.

 

However, refusing to take a stand is a passive way of agreeing with whatever the dominant voice is (yes, this is a highly controversial stand, but I absolutely believe that if things are happening that cause any person or group to be treated in a particular way, and I don't do anything to refute it...I am helping to create an environment where such actions are allowed to take place.  By not even voicing my disagreement, by not standing up for what I feel is wrong, I am complacent in the actions, even though I am not directly taking part.

 

Now, personally, I have a lot of feels about this topic.  I think we should all stand up for...and fight for...people who are struggling to fight for themselves.  This means any group that is outnumbered, misunderstood, or targeted out of spite.  I also believe that using magic (and that includes petitioning my deities) for things I would take physical action towards is fine (in my head, magic isn't it's own moral category...if I would stand for something, I can do it with all the tools at my disposal and spiritual stuff counts too).

I know that everyone has their own limits, so there are lots of things you can do and still honor your own boundaries in this matter.  If you feel like you shouldn't force your views on other people (regardless of how misguided you feel the other side is), there are things you can do that still protect those who are vulnerable.

I think it's important to draw a line between "not wanting to restrict other people's agency" and "not allowing other people to force their beliefs on others".  There is a very big difference between trying to force someone to agree with your point of view and stopping them from outright harassing others. 

Another wonderful thing to do is to simply help the people who are being mistreated.  This might mean working to provide safe spaces where people can feel free from judgement or harm.  It might mean working to make sure that more people have access to health care, mental health care, food, shelter, clothes.  

It might mean becoming more vocal, using your voice (and sometimes the privilege of not being in the minority group that is being targeted) to spread information and empathy.  This could include writing to policy makers, taking to social media, or helping marginalized people share THEIR voices (remember, if you aren't part of the victimized group, your goal should be to help them not talk over them).

And it could mean working with specific deities who would step up to this cause.  Making offerings and asking for aid can be done on your own, or you could share what you are doing (and invite others to join in).  This can become a really powerful community effort, and can grow into an amazing vehicle for change.

Things like spell jars or vision boards can also be great ways to use magic to address a situation.  Small works of art, like painted rocks or stickers, or even posters, can be put out into the world (and can be done anonymously if you don't want to put a target on yourself).  

One thing I think it is important to be mindful of is to not make attacks personal.  This is something we have seen SO much in politics, and it's so ridiculous...instead of fighting back against the idea that a person is spreading, they make attacks on their personal character.  Not only does this open you up to people using the same tactics on you, it also side steps the actual issue.  If your focus is on attacking the people (and their personal lives) who are causing the problem, you aren't actually addressing the problem.  If you succeed and 'win' against the figurehead, the actual issue still exists and your actions haven't done anything to make it better.

Instead, focus your energy (both metaphysical and physical hehe) on the actual issue.  This is the only way that true progress happens, by opening people's eyes to the harmful (and almost always false) information that is accepted as 'true' and teaching people to respect each other, regardless of their personal disagreements.  (and it is hard to get people to respect you when you are slinging personal barbs at them).

As Pagans, I think we understand very well what it is like to be persecuted for things that we aren't even doing.  We have the ability to stand up for others in this world, and I absolutely believe that if you have that ability then you should be using it...because to idly sit by while others are harmed and to do nothing....is one of the reasons why our world has become so fractured and so confrontational.  If we only stand up for ourselves, then how can we expect anyone else to help us when we need it?