Appreciating food

 Thanksgiving is a tricky time for a lot of people.  Firstly, family can be tricky, and even if you have a good relationship with most of your family, gathering them all together in one place can be a lot.  If you don't have a good family dynamic, you may be looking at a horrible family event, or missing out entirely (and wishing you had the kind of family that is often shown on tv).  And that's not even mentioning any issues with the holiday itself!

But underneath all the drama, I feel that the heart of Thanksgiving is about giving thanks.  And because it's a feast-based holiday where the food isn't just trappings added on at the end, it is a time where we can give appreciation for the food we have.

Food is another thing that is tricky for a lot of people.  Many people have food restrictions, that find their roots in medical, religious or monetary issues.  We may love foods that are unhealthy for us, or struggle with eating in some other way.  We might harbor guilt for having so many foods at our fingertips knowing that people in other areas of the world have so very little.  We may be envious of people who have more than we do.

Food is such a basic necessity, and yet it is also something that many people take for granted (especially if you have never had any issues with it).  It is ever present in our modern world.  We may complain about having 'nothing to eat' but still have a cupboard full of staples.  We may miss eating out when we still have access to frozen means or delivery.  We watch shows that show food in many forms, and in fact  have entire channels dedicated to food!

I am one of those lucky people who hasn't ever had to worry about starvation.  Like many people, there have been lean times, and I try very hard to not be wasteful with my food (for a variety of reasons, but one of them is absolutely the recognition of the fact that there are people in this world who would love any food that I might carelessly toss away).  I also have some food issues, I very much enjoy foods that aren't good for me and I have quite a bit of food anxiety (especially in regards to improperly prepared food, food spoilage or cross-contamination).

But on the whole, I recognize my food privilege and try hard to appreciate all the blessings I have, when it comes to food.  And for me, that starts with being more mindful of the foods we buy and eat.  One thing I think sometimes gets forgotten is that mindfulness doesn't always mean avoiding convenience foods or going super green.  I'm definitely not shopping in the all organic section or avoiding processed foods.

What it means, for me at least, is paying attention to what I am buying.  Being aware of both the healthiness of food and it's crave factor (and knowing which foods I'm likely to binge eat).  It's balancing cost and taste (obviously we try to shop in our budget, but we aren't at a place where everything needs to be the cheapest).  

Part of my personal food journey is thinking about my eating habits in a bigger picture sense.  I'm often home alone for breakfast and lunch, and I know I'm a grazer so I typically get hungry after dinner and before bed.  Which means I need to plan for all of that.  I also know that I'm a pretty basic eater in some ways (having the same food every day for breakfast is not a big deal, and often I prefer it as it means I don't have to decide what I want to eat).  

Food appreciation intersects with self care when I think about lunch foods.  There are lots of great, cheap options, but there are also some really appealing choices that aren't so bad when you price compare to, for example, grabbing a meal from a fast food place.  Part of my self-care and self-worth work is finding things that are slightly more pricey and reminding myself that I don't have to always pick the cheapest food.

Eating out is another place where food appreciation can be overlooked.  Eating out is often both convenient and sometimes can be cost effective.  It's one of those things that sneaks up on you, but sometimes when we plan meals at home, they end up costing us more than if we went out to eat.  On the other hand, fast food is often deceptive, and there are quite a few great sit-down places by us where we can eat as cheap (or sometimes cheaper) than if we grab vast food (and often I'll get two meals out of a sit-down meal, as I'll take leftovers home).

There's nothing innately wrong with either out, either at a fast food place or a sit down place.  But I think it's easier to take that food for granted as it's convenient.  With all the changes lately in how food places are managing to stay open (or not, as many places have either had to shut down completely or drastically change how they operate), many people are coming face to face with just how much they took for granted these places being at their disposal.

In some ways, Thanksgiving reminds me a little of Valentines day.  Both are 'once a year' holidays to recognize things we should be doing every day.  Just as we shouldn't wait until Valentine's day to tell the people we love that we love them, we shouldn't wait until Thanksgiving day to give thanks for our food.

Whether you want to incorporate some kind of mealtime prayer or gratitude, acknowledge your blessings as you do grocery shopping or simply take a moment as you prepare food (or order it, if you are going out) to recognize the bounty you have, expressing our gratitude helps us appreciate the food we consume more.  And having a solid appreciation for the foods we eat can help us maintain a healthy relationship with food...and ourselves.

Seasonal practice

Many Pagans and witches still use the Wheel of the Year as some part of their practice, even if it isn't the core of their work.  We honor the cycle of nature, and there are natural points in the year that we celebrate as part of the turning of the seasons.

But often our regular practice remains the same throughout the year.  Some small things may change (like we may be less inclined to take long walks in the winter or the summer), but especially if you are an 'indoor' Pagan, like me, your daily practice might not take into account the seasons.  

This mindset stems from our modern mastery over the natural world...in the sense that virtually nothing else in our daily life changes depending on the season, so why should your spiritual life?  And yet, even if you spend the bulk of your days inside, the flux in the world seeps in.

One of the most basic ways in which the world effects us is the amount of daylight per day, and when those daylight hours are.  Our brains react differently to sunlight than to moonlight (or artificial light), and this is one of the reasons we are drawn to be more active (and often to be outdoors) more in the summer, when the light is at it's height.  On the flip side of the wheel, in winter we may find ourselves more likely to cuddle up with a blanket and a story (whether that means a book or a show).

Learning to embrace these seasonal tides can help us work with our own natural cycles.  Even though there are general tendencies, we each have our own unique nature, and so we may find that we get personally invigorated in the fall and in the spring we find ourselves more lethargic.  Taking note of what you are drawn to...as well as what you resist, helps you develop a cyclical practice that works for you!

One of the benefits of having a cyclical practice is that you can include more things without overwhelming yourself...and without spreading yourself too thin.  Most people find they get the best benefits from sticking with a practice, doing it on a regular basis.  But we only have so much time in any given day (and we have many responsibilities!), so you may only have time to do one or two spiritual practices every day.

If you have a lot of interests, this can leave you feeling like you can't focus in on any one of them as much as you would like.  If you have ten different things you are wanting to work with, and you do one every day, that's a week and a half before you do the same thing again...much too long to retain much of what you did the previous time.  By splitting your time by seasons, and working with different things in each season, you can work with things for a block of time, and then work with something that suits you better in the next season.  It allows you to not only stick with something but also change it up and keep things fresh.

And these don't have to be all or nothing swaps either.  You might do divination all year, but really dive deep in the winter months.  So in winter, you might do weekly or even daily spreads, bust out your books or study your decks, while the rest of the year you might stick to a monthly reading.  Or, you may want to work with several divination methods, and you find that you get more understanding from your tarot cards in the spring but from runes in the fall.

Some practices naturally fall into certain parts of the year.  If you like wildcrafting, you work with things when they are in season.  Spring and fall become busy times, while winter might be a time of playing with new recipes and combinations.  

There are also mundane considerations to think about.  If you have young kids, summer might be a very busy time for you, as the kids are home and needing more attention.  You might need to pare your practice back, and then in fall, when school starts up again, you might feel the call to really dive back in full tilt.  Fall might be your deep study time, where you do a lot of reading and research, so you have plenty of new ideas to mull over during the rest of the year.

For me personally, Halloween marks the start of what I call holiday season.  From Halloween through New Year is just super busy.  There are not only family holidays, but I do NaNo (which demands a lot of both time and brain focus).  There are gifts to plan and acquire, meals to organize and cook, gatherings to attend...it just feels like I'm moving non-stop through the last months of the year.

And yet....I also am motivated by that movement.  I often get my big ideas for the next year during this almost frantic time.  I write myself notes and make plans.  It's a time of big transition for me, and I'm working on making my new planner, figuring out what my focus is going to be for the coming year, reflecting on the past year.  

When the New Year actually rolls around, I feel like I need a break.  I tend to spend January doing the bare minimum.  I'd like to say I hit the ground running, but I tend to start each year with a rest time, focusing on recovering from the crazy end of the previous year.  Even though I often have big spiritual plans for the year, I start soft, I kind of let the dust settle and then ease into things.

Developing a seasonal rhythm to your practice isn't something you need to set in stone either!  You can try things out, and see what works...and what doesn't.  A season is only three months (or one and a half if you want to break it down by Sabbats), and if something really isn't sitting well with you, you don't even have to finish out the season....especially if you are finding you just can't keep up with a practice, or if you find you are really craving something that you aren't doing.

When you notice things like this...write them down!  If you are finding a practice isn't working for you, spend a bit of time thinking about why it's not working, and consider if another time might work better.  Make a note to revisit it then.  If instead you are missing something you aren't doing, that's great!  Remember what time made you crave that practice and plan on doing it more at that time of the year.

The more you work with feeling out what practices fit best at different times of the year, the more you will create a unique, and seasonal, practice that fits your life.  And you may find that you get to do more, and things just flow better...because you are doing them in their best time.

Honoring non-combat Veterans

 On the surface, Vetaran's day isn't technically a Pagan holiday.  And yet, many of us owe great portions of our daily life (and freedoms) to the soldiers who dedicated part of their life to the defense of the country we live in...whether or not they actually fought in a war.

I'm not, by any means, belittling the hardships and sacrifices made by soldiers who have taken part in combat, simply voicing a reminder that joining the military is a relinquishment of a lot of the freedoms we take for granted, often freedoms we have these same soldiers (or ones like them in other times) to thank for.

I grew up in a military family, and while I was only a child, I saw some of the sacrifices made in everyday life for a soldier.  The military decided where we lived, and for how long.  It decided when my father would travel away from home.  

I have known people in the military my whole life, and they often are required to live by certain standards that most adults don't have to consider.  They are expected to look a certain way, act a certain way, and often these strictures extend beyond their 'working' hours...as the whole time you are part of the military you are considered a representative of your country, so you can't do some of the dumb things the rest of us have the freedom to choose to do.

And while they do get days off and vacation time, those things can be recalled at any time, if it is deemed necessary.  In a fairly real sense, by joining the military you have signed away those years of your life, dedicating yourself to the greater good and to doing what is needed for your country.

It always makes me both sad and mad when I see people make light of military who haven't seen combat.  Of course combat veterans and military folks are dealing with stuff most of us can never truly (hopefully) understand.  But simply being in the military means living with the idea, every day, that you could be in those situations.

When we honor Veterans (and members of the military), we should honor all of them, regardless of whether they have seen combat or not.  We should recognize the sacrifices of personal freedoms they have made, in order to better protect and serve the people of their homeland.

As a Pagan, I feel very deeply that my life is made better because of the people who serve in the military.  I hope that we can find peaceful solutions, but I am grateful that we have men and women who are willing to step up when that isn't the case.  I also trust that when disasters happen, the military is often called in to help with rescues and cleanup.  

I don't think of it as a debt owed, in the traditional sense, but I do feel like I need to acknowledge how my life has been impacted by the people who serve my country.  For me, this means saying prayers for our military, so that they can find peaceful solutions, so they can come home safely (and so the military of other countries can also come home safely).  It means sending energy and blessings to our soldiers, many of whom are young and away from home for the first time (or not able to be home with their families as much as other people). 

Though I will never be military myself, the one thing I can do is support our military folks.  Whether I agree with the decisions politicians are making or not.  Whether we are in a war I approve of or not.  The men and women who are putting themselves out there, whether they are in an active conflict situation or not, deserve my respect and gratitude.

It is very easy to transfer our opinions about our government and about war in general to the people who are doing the fighting, but I feel it is important to remember that most of them don't have a choice about what they are doing.  Yes, they chose to join (though in many cases, it wasn't a choice at all), but once they are in, choices are gone, and they are left with following orders. 

So regardless of I feel about the greater issues at hand, no matter what other magical work I may be doing to change the system...I feel it is vital to remember that the actual soldiers, the people who are in those unenviable positions of serving their country.  And I will continue to treat all of them with the respect they are due, and to hold gratitude in my heart for their sacrifices.

Daytime versus Nighttime

 With daylight savings time just around the corner, it's time to once more look at...well time!  The purpose of daylight savings time was to create more 'usable' time during the daylight hours, so that businesses would be open and people would go about their daily routine when it was light out, trying to make the most of those precious hours of daylight in the winter.

One of the obvious advantages of doing things in the daylight is that you can see (without using artificial light).  We now know that the exposure to actual sunlight has a physiological effect not only on how people sleep but on their mood in general as well.  

Many people find that being on a night schedule is exhausting (and of course it is inconvenient...trying to run all your errands on a nigh shift schedule is near impossible), and even if they tend to be night owls and naturally stay up later at night, not going to sleep until after the sun has risen can be difficult.

A lot of people believe that waking up early is somehow better than sleeping later and staying up later (and I'm talking about when you can schedule your day however you like).  Almost every productivity schedule has an early rise time.  And if someone needs to stretch their day to add in workout time or meditation, it's rarely suggested that you stay up later to make more time, you are always expected to wake up earlier.

Now, speaking as someone who isn't a morning person, at all, that always struck me as somewhat odd.  I understand why, if you need to be at work by 8, then sleeping until 9 is a problem, but I never understood why it was an issue if you weren't bound by such a schedule.

And I think that part of it is our association with day time, the sun and the external world.  If we consider the sun and moon as the ruling heavenly bodies of their respective times, the sun is out outward facing selves and the moon is the inward facing self.  The sun is how we interact with others, the going out and doing, while the moon is our inner world, the sitting and thinking and dreaming.

So it sort of makes sense that we lump 'work' and active times with the day and sleep with the night.  But it might be worth considering what kind of work you want to do.  I definitely find that some things come easier at night, and some things I prefer to do during the day.

I read an interesting correlation between electric lights and candle light, how when the electric lights are on, we talk about the outer world, but when we are light by candle (or fire) light, we focus on dreams and spiritual matters.  I think this lines up quite well with the sun and moon energies.

If I have a lot of stuff to get done in a day, I would much rather sort out the outside stuff first.  I may not even be fully awake, but if we have errands to run, I'd rather do them early and have the rest of the day to enjoy, than take my time waking up and piddling around the house, then have to go and get everything sorted.

And while I can get more done during the day, I often get great ideas at night (especially after I'm 'done' with my stuff for the day).  The evenings are my time to just unwind and do whatever, and I often feel like my brain is just done for the day, and yet if I engage in a creative practice (with no expectation of 'producing' stuff, just focusing on the process) I make leaps I might not make at other times.  The best time for me to think about new ideas is right before bed (though that does make it sometimes hard to remember the ideas!)

Our brains work in different ways, so some people might find that fresh energy in the morning, when they first wake up and soak in the sun, is what vitalizes their mind and body.  They may be someone who can get a million things done in the morning, and when they harness that drive their life moves smoother.  For them, waking up later might throw their entire day off, and they might feel like they are playing catch up the rest of the day, like they are always behind.

Others may be more like me, and when I have to get up early, almost irregardless of what time I went to bed and how much sleep I get, I'm groggy and tired and I just can't think straight.  But on the flip side of the day, even if I was up since the crack of dawn and yawned my way through the day, once the sun sets, it's like my batteries recharge and my mind wakes up.

Whichever way you seem to lean, it's worth paying attention to how you feel and what you excel at in the day and night times.  Find ways to structure your day to make the most of how you personally react to the times of day, and try swapping things around whenever you can until you find the way that works best for you. 

Totem and talisman stones

 Painting stones has become quite a trend, and you can find all kinds of tutorials online (and sometimes even workshops at places like your local library) that will guide you through the process of creating them.  And while many people create these as pure art, we can infuse such stones with intent and make them as talismans or totems, tools we can later return to for spiritual work.

Creating something by hand is always a labor of love, and the process of finding the right art and the right way to lay it onto a stone invests that stone with energy.  We often learn details about our subject as we study pictures for inspiration that we didn't know, and paying attention to these details helps us gain a greater appreciation for the subject as well.

Now, before we get any further, this is a project that doesn't require any artistic ability!  Because you are using your intention to create a stone dedicated to something you want to work with, you can make the simplest picture and have it hold the spirit of the thing you are painting.  Think about some of the early cave drawings, that are little more than stick figures, and yet clearly display whole scenes and emotions!

The first thing you will want to decide is what the purpose of your stone will be.  There are so many applications for this process, but a few ideas are:  an animal you wish to work more with, a plant who's energy you want in your home, an event you want to commemorate, a protective symbol, a blessing.  Really, you can turn any spell or working into art to be put on a stone, and once you do that stone becomes a holder for the energy of the spell, to be tapped into whenever you like.

 

You also don't have to stick to stones!  There are lots of other mediums you can use, for example clay or salt dough, to create your 'stones'.  You can mold forms out of the clay, like I did here with this cat and wolf head, or you can roll them out like cookies and carve symbols into them.

Of course, if you want to add more details you can, you can even fully paint the forms after they are hard, but simple suggested shapes work well too.

 

Wolf and cat have always been powerful figures in my life, and these two in particular are also associated to deities for me (wolf and Odin, cat and Freyja), so they have a double representation on my altar space.  I can use them as touchstones when I want to connect to their animal energies, or as a sort of go-between when working with their deity.

On the more symbolic side, you can create talisman stones that represent more abstract energies.  The stone with the circle and dot was created as part of a community project, a linking symbol for everyone to work with, while the sigil on the flattened bottle cap was one I made as part of a tarot journey I took part in.

Both of these are ways for me to tangibly connect to a project (and to the group associated with the project), and when I want to work with those projects I can pull out my stones to assist.

This stone is my Memorial day stone, and features poppies (the red for veterans who died for their country, the white for non-combatants who died and the purple for animals).

I created this stone as a way to honor and remember the many people who have died, so that I could put it on my altar and be mindful of all the lives lost in conflict.  I use it as a way to keep their sacrifice in mind, and to reflect on how I have benefited from their loss.

These are eclipse stones I made during a solar eclipse.  I painted the stones ahead of time, and then took them out to charge as the sky darkened overhead. 

I see these as a container for the energy of that event, a way to tap into that eclipse energy and all the magic it holds.  They remind me of that time, and stones like these can be made at gatherings or other events, as a way to tap into the energy that was present at that time, or to connect to the people you were with.

The great thing about creating stones (or other non-stone objects) like these is that you can put them on altars, around your house, at the edges of your property, or wherever you want to call upon the energy they represent.  You can use them as touchstones for meditations, journaling or other internal work.  You can create them as a way to deepen your connection to their subject.  You can infuse them with a spell and give them as gifts.  The possibilities are endless!

Spiritual Roleplaying

 Roleplaying is something that has been a part of my life since childhood..back when it was 'playing pretend.'  I've always loved the idea of being someone different, of stepping into a world that is not my own, and of seeing where the story takes me.

I also feel that roleplaying often gets a bad reputation.  It's fine for kids, or it's okay as a hobby, but that's all it is:  a game (often for younger people that you are expected to grow out of).   And yet, roleplaying has so many benefits, and can be adapted to so many different areas of your life...and spirituality is definitely one of them!

Now, I know there is a bit of a stigma with crossing roleplaying with spirituality, especially as many people who don't understand Paganism or witchcraft assume we are all 'playing pretend.'  But at some point, we have to stop letting ignorant people dictate how we practice, especially when many of those people who are going to be extremely judgmental aren't going to listen with an open mind to what we actually do, they are just going to believe their own preconceived notions of our practice....so what we do is really up to us!

I also don't think that using tools like roleplaying makes someone more susceptible to loosing touch with reality, even when it overlaps with other areas of your life.  I get just as drawn into stories in books, tv and movies, and I have never had a problem knowing the difference between my actual life and any story-life I may be imagining (even when I use the story-life to explore things that I'm struggling with in my actual life...more on that in a bit).

It may surprise many people to realize that some of what we already do, especially with guided meditation, is a very basic form of roleplaying.  When we work with a guided meditation, especially one that has us interacting with things or having choices that lead to different visualized actions, we are engaging in rules-light roleplaying!

Now, for everyone who isn't familiar with tabletop roleplaying games (the ones with rules and dice, like Dungeons and Dragons), roleplaying games come in all levels of rules, from very light (where everything is story driven....much like visualization), to rule heavy (where every action you take has rules and parameters that determine how well you perform said action).  And all levels of roleplaying can be used spiritually, with a little bit of forethought.

We'll start with the very rule light versions, which as I mentioned are basically visualization.  The great thing about this style of roleplaying is it requires very little preparation or supplies.  You often are playing the 'role' of yourself, so you don't even have to think about how to act, you just do what you would do in a given situation.

The power of these types of visualizations is that you can give yourself different scenarios and practice what you might do in different circumstances.  This is great work to do alongside traditional spellwork, like if you are wanting to get a new job, you can do a spell to find a great new job, but you can also roleplay out (through visualization) callbacks, your job interviews and even your first day at the new job!  Using roleplay like this helps you calm any worries or anxiety you might have (especially if you get social anxiety), because you can practice the different things you need to do, and prepare for unlikely situations (like the interviewer asking you questions that throw you off).  By practicing through roleplaying, you become more confident and this will show through when you actually get that phone call or go in for the interview. 

And that leads us to the next version of roleplaying, where you are actually tweaking your own role a bit.  I think of this as Me+, in that I'm mostly being myself....just with qualities I wish I had more of.  So, if I am nervous and insecure about doing tarot readings for other people, I can think of the readings as roleplaying sessions, but instead of being myself when I do readings for other people, I am "Me, the professional tarot reader!"  You can also create a whole persona for yourself, like a new character, that is who you want to be as a tarot reader, and that becomes the character you play whenever you do readings.

It's almost like a mind hack.  By taking on a character, you can step outside of your insecurities and become someone who is skilled and confident at the task you are trying to accomplish.  You can use this for any thing you need to do, whether it is taking a leading role in a ritual or helping babysit your cousins.  

One nice little trick for this is to really think about who the character is you are going to be, and find something you can wear (clothing, jewelry, makeup) that will help you anchor that character.  You might have a particular ring that you wear as a tarot professional, or a shirt that the great babysitter wears.  Reserving those items for times when you are taking on the role of that character helps you stay in character and makes it easier for you to remember to embody them.  

Now the next step, in adding more rules to your roleplay, is to actually work with statistics and rules for success.  Now before I get into this, I need to talk a little bit about gamification.  Gamification is simply turning non-game activities into a game of sorts.  One of the reasons why people enjoy playing games so much is they get direct feedback and rewards for doing actions (often actions that might not be so fun on their own).

If you think about a video game, maybe you need to chop some trees down for wood.  If the entire game was just clicking on a tree enough times to get wood....and nothing more....most people wouldn't play the game, as it's not fun.  But, if you gather enough wood and now you can build a sword or a house or turn it in to a shopkeeper for some gold, now it is motivation.  It's no longer about chopping the wood, it's about the prize at the end.

We all have tasks in our lives that aren't so fun, but are necessary.  And sometimes, these necessary tasks don't really have good rewards.  Some do, like having a traditional job, where you put in the hours, do the work, and you get a paycheck.  Others have inverse rewards, like eating healthy.  For many people, eating healthy isn't the most fun (because unhealthy foods are tasty!), and the 'reward' is that you don't get sick....which isn't very tangible.  These are the kinds of things that can benefit from gamification, from adding in some light rules and creating rewards!

This might sound like pretty much every motivational system out there, and it basically is, but for many people that extra window dressing of making it feel like a game creates motivation to stick with it.  I worked with an exercise program that gamified working out, where you had some pretty basic exercises, but they were described in terms of a survival game, so instead of 'jogging for X minutes', you were traveling to the next town.  

One of the easiest ways to gamify your life is to dress things up in different terms.  Instead of drinking my morning coffee, I am brewing a potion to help revive me to life!  This can be a fun way to think about basic self-care actions, so if you struggle to drink enough water in a day, assign a value to each glass of water, and some way of rewarding yourself for meeting your daily minimums.  One neat way I've seen to do this to turn it into a battle, where you create a monster to fight, and each week it regains a certain number of hit points...in order to keep it at bay, you need to do your tasks to do damage to it.  Remember, rewards are key, so while tracking the damage can be a mini-reward, also find something to reward yourself for defeating enough monsters in a month!

Using gamification or roleplaying can also enhance your study.  I read something recently that talked about how repeating a skill during game play helped you learn it in less time (less repetitions) as compared to traditional learning.  I think that when we engage our imagination, when we create these alternative worlds and characters, we are using both sides of our brain, and it is memorable, which is why it's easier to learn.

So how can you use that to help you study?  I know that memorization is hard for a lot of people, and things like learning the meanings of runes (and remembering which rune goes with which meaning) can be really hard.  But you could build a game around the runes, where you use the rune meaning to create some kind of spell (Isa could freeze things or Kenaz to create light), and then create a world for yourself too explore, but in order to use your spells, you need to draw the right rune (and you can totally have your notes with you!).  It may sound a bit silly, but as you use your 'spells' over and over, you will start to remember what the symbols are.  And you can start getting more creative as you get more familiar with the basics, so to start you might use Fehu to tell you how much something is worth, but later on you might expand your understanding and realize you can also use it to change something's worth.

The important thing is that you have fun with it!  Roleplaying and gamification are all about having a good time, the goal isn't always obvious, and often the journey is worth more than the destination.  Try things out, see what works for you, and when you find something you enjoy...run with it!

Not all shadows are dark!

 Shadow work is a big part of a lot of people's practices, and I feel like it is often something that is somewhat misunderstood.  Some people think of shadow work as getting rid of the negative traits or aspects, while others see it as learning to accept and work with those less desirable bits of yourself.  Some people think of it as harnessing the monster inside, or even chaining it up so it is 'harmless'.

But what is our shadow?  The shadow self is a concept that was developed by Carl Jung, and he saw it as the hidden parts of our being.  It's the side of ourselves that we don't let let out in public.  Jung believed that the shadow needed to be expressed, so we could live our lives fully.

A lot of our ideas of what our shadow is are formed by societal pressure.  We are raised to believe that people should act a certain way in public (and also in private, though often more is allowable in private), and the things that aren't considered proper are things that form our shadow.  In many ways, the shadow is everything that doesn't fit the idea of perfection, and many people would have you believe that letting your shadow manifest at all is a bad thing.

But here's the twist....things that we tend to associate with the shadow are often highly situational!  Most people would agree that falling into a rage and lashing out physically isn't a good thing, but there are situations where that would be an appropriate response.  

I do think that many people come to this conclusion by doing shadow work.  When they really tune into those shadowy aspects of themselves, they see that these things aren't always bad, they just may not be coming out at the right times.

What I think many people fail to notice is that traits we often assume are good can be shadow traits too....when they come out at the wrong times.  The one that immediately comes to mind is that of  a helicopter parent.  Most people would agree that protecting your children and being involved in their lives is a good thing, but in the helicopter parent they are overly invested and they end up smothering their child.  It is a good trait that has been taken to a shadowy place.

Now, many people are aware of some of these traits that may be out of balance in themselves, but we don't tend to call it shadow work.  The most frequent term I've heard for working through some of these things is doing self-care.  We often see these unbalanced positive traits as areas in which we need to set boundaries and perform self-care.  When we know we like to help others, but we can spread ourselves too thin trying to help everyone, we see that as a self-care practice, not a shadow practice.

I actually think shadow work is self-care, and vice versa.  But separating it into this idea of dealing with the good and dealing with the bad creates a line in qualities that can be harmful.  We tend to think more favorably about people who say they struggle with self-care when compared to those who say they struggle with shadow work.  And yet both can be devastating, both to themselves and to those around them.  The world at large is harmed by both types of people, and working on both is really the ultimate goal.

One of the reasons why it's helpful to think of the two practices (shadow work and self-care) as being two sides of the same coin is that many behaviors can be thought of as paired...and too much on either end is problematic.  If we think of laziness as a shadow quality, the other end of that would be activity, which seems good, but if you are constantly needing to be doing something, every minute of every day, that leads to burnout (and often indicates that you are trying to avoid something or that you only feel 'worthy' if you are doing something...both qualities that are troublesome).  If we look at this as a slider between rest and activity, and not just that but as a slider that is constantly moving depending on what is going on around us, we start to see a healthier way to interact with these parts of ourselves.

The trap is that we often think of self-care as a purely physical practice.  It's typically a reactionary thing, we work on self-care when we feel the effects of issues in our lives.  Sometimes we do self-care as a precautionary thing, almost like spiritual vitamins, things we do because we know that we are going too be depleted (or just as part of our regular regimen, to keep us from spiraling).

The issue with this is that self-care often addresses the result, not the root.  It's the shadow work that really delves into what got us to the point we needed to take reactive self-care...or what is going to bring us back to that place in the future.  

Both practices are necessary!  We need to do the shadow work to see what is going on, and how we need to adjust, but we also need the self-care to actually start shifting that slider so we are in a more healthy space (and to keep it nicely lubricated so it can adjust as life throws things at us).  But when we start delving into the shadows, we need to remember to look for the places where the light is shining too bright as well, or we will find that we have places where we stay off-balance and can never get to that flexible equilibrium that we need to be whole.