Welcoming back the sun

 

 In the middle of winter, Yule is the time for us to welcome back the sun.  Today, we think of this as a symbolic gesture, we know that it is the moment when the days start getting longer again, and the sun will be out more, but our ancestors didn't know take this expectation for granted, and until they saw the signs of the longer days there remained that fear that maybe this year the sun would just keep getting less and less.  Welcoming back the sun was a heart-felt appreciation for the life and warmth it brings to our lives.

One common practice I see a lot of people embracing for Yule is to stay up all night (and literally welcome the sun back in the morning).  And while this can be a really powerful way to celebrate, it isn't necessarily accessible for everyone.  Obviously, some people work, and others may not be able to stay up all night for a variety of reasons (children, health issues, age).  A simpler practice would be to watch the sun rise, but even that may be difficult or impossible for many people.  

But while experiencing things in person may be an idealized practice, the truth is we live in a day and age where we aren't limited to that!  We can watch videos of the sunrise, or look at breathtaking pictures that capture that magical moment.  We can read poems that put emotions into words, or read other descriptions of the wonder of sunrise.  It can be really eye opening to read about other people's experiences, to be able to put yourself in their shoes for a moment and see what the shared experience of sunrise means to people who live very different lives from ours.

We might also take this opportunity to do a bit of journeying, and to wonder about how our ancestors might have approached this time of year.  It's one thing to think about the hardships they might have faced, and another to try to put ourselves in their place.  Doing a visualization and stepping into the role of one of our ancestors can not only open our eyes but can teach us so much about how similar (and different) we are.  

I have always thought that one of the hardest things for us to really grasp is how uncertain things felt.  People made up stories to try to explain all the mystery of the world around them.  They noticed that the sun rose and set at different times throughout the year, and they didn't understand why, but as the months grew colder and the sun was out less, it was only natural to worry that maybe this year it wouldn't come back (especially if you also consider that they felt that gods were present in the world around us and that we could displease them in a way that would make them lash out to punish us).

Trying to put yourself back in that situation, to really feel how it must have felt (or at least as close as we can come to understanding it) not only brings us closer to our ancestors, but it gives us a unique perspective on some of our modern fears (I may not worry about the sun not rising in the morning, but I have definitely thought about the effects of our sun one day dying, or other catastrophic events that science has told us are possible).  It makes me feel comforted to know that one day, perhaps one of my decedents will wonder how I could possibly worry about things like that (because they may have figured it out and know how things work).  It reminds me of the idea that any science significantly advanced enough will appear to be magic (and also that maybe one day what we see and practice as magic might be fully defined and understood as science!)

I also feel like the sun has a very different role in our lives today than it did in times past.  If you go far enough back, the sun was the only reliable source of light, and so it's cycles truly dictated our ancestors lives.  Even back before the advent of electricity, light at night was not always accessible (or abundant), and people lived much of their lives at the mercy of daylight.  Today, we are not as limited, and yet we still find ourselves drawn to the light, and especially when something like daylight savings time comes by and we notice the big shift (and it is now dark in the afternoon...) and we feel off kilter.

Even when it comes to electric lights, we are constantly striving to make our lights more natural and realistic (or we run in the other direction with things like color changing LED lights).  We know that indoor lights are not created equal, and many people struggle with different qualities of light.  We also know that actual sunlight is important for many health reasons (from our sleep cycle to emotional regulation and mental well being).

So even though we don't worry about the sun not rising in the morning when we go to bed at night, we need to acknowledge the important role that the sun plays in our lives.  It warms us and lights our way and grows our food and it is nice to have this time dedicated to acknowledging that and taking the time to not only show our gratitude but to also express our appreciation to the light for all it does in our lives. 

Unseasonable weather

 

 When it comes to both holidays (like Yule) and seasons, we grow up with certain mental images of what the world should look like.  I'll be speaking from a Norther Hemisphere perspective, as that's where I've always lived, but I will touch on how this effects our world view (in regards to places that experience seasons differently).  For me, Yule (and winter) have always been about cold and snow.  I was absolutely the kid that wished for a white Xmas (and only ever got one!)

Even as an adult, I want winter to be cold and snowy (rainy winters are just cold and miserable, I'd much rather it be seriously cold and frozen because that never feels as cold to me as when you are wet).  And when it's warm enough out to wear shorts, it just doesn't feel right.  Which is kind of ironic considering I lived in Hawaii for a while, and both winter and Xmas there are quite warm!

I think it's really easy to pin all our expectations on things like the weather, and to feel like 'it's not really Yule unless it's cold and snowy out'.  But that can lead us to feel unsatisfied with how the world is (because we are continually comparing it to 'the way it should be' and of course reality rarely compares to our idealized fantasy world).  And we shouldn't let our expectations ruin our holiday experiences, even if they aren't quite what we wished for.

So how do you reconcile your holiday dreams with the reality of what is?  I think one thing that really helps is to look for the good in what you have.  If it's not snowing, maybe you can go for a nice walk and appreciate the stillness of winter.  If it's cold and rainy it might be the perfect day to cuddle up in a blanket with a hot beverage of your choice and watch a cozy movie (maybe even one with snow!)  

House decorations can play a big part in this as well.  I have snowflake window clings that live on my windows most of winter, to make up for the fact that I live somewhere with (typically) very little snow.  Things like tinsel mimic the sparkle of sun on snow, and can also call up holiday feelings for many.

And of course we can get creative with crafting!  When I lived in Hawaii, we would use sand instead of snow, so we might make 'sand angels' or build a sandman (or make a driftwood tree, like in the picture above!)  Art can be a wonderful way to create a seasonal feel when the outside doesn't match your mental image of the season.  There are tons of seasonal craft projects you can find online, for many different areas of the world, so a bit of exploring will get you lots of options!

I also think that sometimes it's fun to explore our feelings about seasons feeling out of phase.  For example, if I were to take a trip to Australia for the holidays (where it is summer in December instead of winter), it can be a fun mental experiment to lean into the differences.  See how local people celebrate things and allow yourself to participate without expectations (try not to judge things in comparison to what you are used to, rather simply enjoy what they have to offer and appreciate them for their own merits).  Often if we can simply stop comparing and stop expecting sameness we will find that the experience we have is unique and amazing and will be something we will remember for years to come (because it was so different from what we are used to).

I think especially from a Pagan perspective, with so many of our holidays based on seasonal observances (and often from a European part of the world so not even necessarily in tune with the seasonal shifts where we actually live), there can be a disjointedness in how we experience celebrations.  And this might mean we have to step away from the associations we learned and instead embrace what the world in our neck of the woods does at different times of the year.  Exploring this connection to the world outside your door can be a powerful thing!

Wherever you life, and however you celebrate, if you find yourself feeling a bit down because you 'wish it was more like...(whatever you are comparing things to)' try to stop judging and just be open to what is.  Find ways to bring a bit of that seasonal magic into your home and celebrations, whether that means decorating to suit or spending some time doing seasonal crafting.  Nothing in nature is perfect, and it is those imperfections that make for amazing experiences, so don't sell yourself short by only accepting perfection!

Slowing down and turning inward

 

 One thing that has changed dramatically over the years is how much the seasons effect us.  Modern technology has allowed us to live as if the world were the same every day, year round.  Our ancestors didn't have that luxury.  When winter came, their whole life changed.  There were lots of things they could no longer do, and much like the natural world, they worked hard during the rest of the year so that they would have the resources to manage the winter, and as a result they had more free time in the winter months.

This time would often be spent connecting with each other, listening to stories (and learning from the past), and thinking deep thoughts.  This is something I feel we have lost so much with our modern 24/7/365 paced lifestyle.  We no longer have these fallow times where we can let go of our burdens and simply be.  We don't have time every year to contemplate our lives or the things that are important to us.  Sometimes we can't even find time to sit with our own thoughts for a few minutes.

But that kind of decompression time is necessary!  And introspection is a very healthy practice for everyone that I firmly believe we don't do enough anymore (especially with so many distractions constantly at our fingertips with phones and computers and on demand content of every kind).  It's a sad fact that many people can't stand to simply sit with themselves for even a few minutes.

And I know that we are all busy, and trying to cram as much as possible into every second because we know how precious time is.  But this is one of those things that seems like a 'waste of time' but actually gives us so much more!  

Taking time to rest, to dream, to think and to simply be has amazing restorative properties!  I often think of this kind of practice as a form of meditation, and so much has been written about the benefits of meditation, even if you can only squeeze in a few minutes here and there.  It's one of those practices that I feel that any attempts have benefits, and that no matter where you are in life, you can add in a bit of stillness and be better for it.

If we are really honest with ourselves, sometimes we do things just to fill the void.  I find myself scrolling social media or searching for something to watch ALL the time.  And I'm definitely not suggesting that we never do these things, as sometimes distraction or mindless entertainment is exactly what we need.  But we can also shave a little time off of these kind of things and give ourselves space to simply be.

One of my favorite times to start with are those little moments of waiting we have scattered throughout our day.  If we are stuck in a line, don't pull out your phone and start filling that time, but simply allow yourself to think.  If you are cooking dinner and waiting for a pot to boil, sit down, have a sip of water and let your mind wander.

I should note, I think it's important to really let yourself play with this time.  Do your best to not focus on your to-do list or worry about that thing that someone said to you. Let yourself walk down memory lane (but think about positive memories, or at the very least memories with lessons).  

Journaling can also be a great way to turn inward.  If you haven't tried stream of thought journaling, I highly recommend it!  You may find yourself thinking you don't have anything to write about, so start with that!  Grab a pen and just write "I don't know what to write about..." and then keep going.  Any thought that comes to your mind goes on your paper.  Spend a few minutes doing this, and then read back what you wrote (actually I love going back to old journals, reading entries, and then writing my current thoughts about what I had written before...it's a great way to dig deeper into things or just observe your own growth).

It's very easy, especially with holiday season looming ever closer, to find small delays frustrating and to be focused on how far behind we fell or our giant to-do list, but every moment you can stop the rush and the overthinking and just let yourself breathe and exist and think is a precious gift, and you may be surprised to realize how much reclaiming these small moments does to make you feel more refreshed and less weighed down by the hustle and bustle of modern life.

Remembrance through food

 

 At Samhain, we often share a meal, and many people set out a place for those who have passed.  And while many people feel certain foods are traditional, and like to make them, we can also make foods that remind us of those who have gone before, as a way to honor and remember them.

Food is such an integral part of our lives, and is very strongly related to memory.  I have so many food-related memories, and now when I eat certain foods I am reminded of people in my life. Some of those memories are from sharing food with people, but I also connect people to food because they taught me to make a certain dish.  And I have a few recipes that were passed down in my family, so even though I never knew the person myself, I can keep their memory alive by cooking their recipes.

I love the idea that we can pass on food memories as well.  If I cook a dish for a friend, and it's one I learned from my family, I can share my stories with them, and now they will have some of that memory to hold onto.  It makes me realize how connected we all are, and even though we may not share a blood line, we can forge connections to other people's ancestors and share in the memories they have left behind.

I also think that food creates a legacy, even if you don't know the stories.  It's a way for us to leave behind a little bit of ourselves, something that either we loved or we created, and people who knew us will be able to enjoy the same foods we loved after we are gone.  It brings me comfort to think that my son will think of me when he eats certain dishes, and if he has kids, maybe they will eat dishes and pass their love of them on.  Even once my name is forgotten, there will be that tie of food down through generations, and that is pretty nifty to me.

However, if you want to create more of a connection, it can be really lovely to create a meal of dishes that have emotional meaning to you, and to tell the stories about why you love these dishes with the other people eating with you.  You also don't have to limit yourself to those who have passed on.  By including the living, you create more connections between people, both here and gone.  And you might be surprised at how sharing your memories around food can surprise others...sometimes the things that we find the most meaning in may be missed by other people, even if they were involved.

I love hearing about how my friends and family have been affected by my role in their life, and I think it's important that we tell other people how we feel while they are still here to hear it.  But don't fret, you can still acknowledge other's impact in your life after the fact, and I find that taking the time to recognize how someone has influenced my life not only makes me grateful for those connections, but it reinforces in my brain the memories, keeping them alive in my heart.

And while this is something we may focus more on at Samhain, we needed restrict our adventures in food memories to just this time of year.  This is a lovely way to remember anniversaries (either of someone's birth or death, or any other significant date), by cooking a meal dedicated to a particular memory.  We can create memory feasts at any time that feels right!

And we don't even need other people to be present, if we want to have a private memory meal.  Especially if you are missing someone who either has passed on or who doesn't live close to you.  You can plan a meal that reminds you of the person you miss, and treat it as if you were sharing the meal with them.  Speak (or think) about them as you prepare and/or eat the food.  

Food is something we all share in common.  Everyone eats, and by sharing meals we connect with each other in ways that linger.  Whether we want to forge new memories (by sharing a feast with family or friends), remember those we've lost (and honor their memory through food) or feel connected to people who we don't get to see as often as we might like, food can be a powerful tool that lets us find our place in the world and share our memories with others.

Figuring out your spiritual needs

 

 One of the things I've always loved about Paganism is how much of it is very much 'choose your own.'  Sure, if you join a group or pursue degrees in an organization, there may be structure, but in our personal practice, there are no hard and fast rules or really anyone to tell us that we should (or should not) be practicing a particular way.

And in fact, this can be a struggle for a lot of people, both new and more experienced.  It's hard, because you kind of have to figure it out yourself, there is no guidebook to turn to when you have a question about how often to do a thing or whether one method is 'better' than another.  It definitely takes some getting used to, that every part of your practice is ultimately up to you.

I also think it complicates things that many resources out there suggest a way of doing things, but don't make it clear that it is JUST a suggestion!  I've read so many books that will introduce a practice, like meditation or reading tarot, and they will give suggestions on how often to do something, but not give a lot of options for if that one way doesn't quite work for you.

Meditation is a great example.  A ton of sources recommend meditating daily, often for between 10-30 minutes.  And for some people, that works great!  For others, it's too long, or too frequent.  Maybe you just don't have that much free time (and you don't want to spend what time you do have meditating!), or maybe you tried it and sitting for 30 minutes a day was just too much for your body.  

 

One saying I absolutely adore suggests that doing a thing at all is better than not doing it (often applied to difficult tasks, where we may not be able to do them perfectly or even completely, but doing a little is still better than not doing it at all).  In the case of meditation, if 30 minutes a day doesn't work for you, but you enjoy doing 30 minutes once a week on the weekend...do that!

Many people like to have a framework to start from, and books are great for that.  It used to be that Pagan books told you how to do things (as in they explained how to cast spells, how rituals were structured, how to ground), but didn't often suggest a plan for actually doing all the stuff.  However, in recent years, more books have come out with a plan, whether it is a way to build up practices or a full year of daily activities.

If those kind of things appeal to you, find one that seems enticing and give it a try!  I haven't seen a suggested plan yet that I feel I would be worse off for having tried it, even if it didn't work for my life.  So you really aren't out anything by giving things a go, and you might find that even if the whole plan doesn't work for you, bits of it do (and you can always keep the parts that work for you and let go of the rest!).

I think that having a rough idea of what you want your path to look like can help, so it may be useful to sit down and brainstorm about what spirituality means to you.  Are you looking for something with more structure, or do you need freedom to follow your whims?  Do you want daily practices that you can build on, or would you rather stick to bigger observations throughout the year (or both!)  How close of a relationship do you want with deities...or do you even want to work with any?  Do you want to work alone, with others or a combination?

These are a few, broad questions to start with, but anytime you learn something new, you can ask yourself how you see that fitting into your practice.  It might be that you want to start off learning a little bit about a bunch of different topics, just to see what interests you the most, or maybe you already have something you really want to dive deep into, and you can start planning out how you want to approach that study.

I feel like one thing to always keep in mind is that you are absolutely free to change your mind (and your practice!) at any given time.  You may have tried some things out, and realize that it's too much or not enough for your needs.  Adjusting how much time and energy you devote to this aspect of your practice can make it fit better with your life.  And remember, we are constantly changing, so our needs might change too...a practice that fits you now, might need adjusting in a few months, or even after decades of doing things a particular way.

 

Wherever you are on your path, spending some time to check in and see if your spiritual needs are being met (and are meshing with the rest of your life), can be a very helpful way to make sure you are living the best Pagan/witchy life you can.  And just taking a moment to think about whether you are doing enough, or too much, of anything can be a helpful starting point in figuring out just where that sweet spot is for you.  You may be surprised to find out that things that you thought were 'just fine' could actually use a little tweaking!

Brainstorming work

 

One of the things that I think takes the longest to get comfortable with is creating your own spells and rituals (or any practice really).  As much as I feel like Paganism embraces individualized and personalized practice, most books only go into the bare bones on how to build a working from the ground up, and many 101 books don't really talk about doing your own thing at all.  They just include a handful of premade spells and rituals, and often those don't really fit (because we are all individual, and we might live in a different country or time period from where the spell originated, which also makes things complicated).

 

I've always been a big fan of making your own spells (and for ease of wording, I'm going to say spells for the rest of this post, even though the same process can be used to build any spiritual working, from rituals to protections to Sabbats!), or at the very least tweaking the bits that don't work in spells you find out in the wild.  In my very early days I did work with spells straight out of books, and while it has a certain comfort level (because it's very easy to doubt your own capabilities), it was always like wearing hand-me-down clothes....they feel like they don't quite fit most of the time.

 

But writing your own spells can feel daunting, and for many people even figuring out where to start is an issue.  It's one of those weird things that feels like it should be talked about everywhere, and yet it's not, and when it is talked about, it's in a very bare bones kinda way (I mean even this blog post won't be as complete an explanation as might be wanted, but it's more extensive than a lot of the 'how to write your own spells' sections we see in books). 

The start is always the why...why are you doing a spell.  Note, I don't start with what you want to seek, because I feel like the why is always more important than the what.  The why will lead to the what (and sometimes, as you explore the why, you discover that you are actually needing to work towards a different what than you thought you did!)

So start by asking yourself why, and really dig in here.  If you wanted to make a spell to get a job, why are you looking for a job (do you want money, more excitement in your life, a chance to do something creative, or are you just bored).  Notice, that all of those things could be reasons to find a job...but many of them lead to very different types of jobs.  Knowing the why of your spell will help inform every step of the process!

Sometimes the why will be straightforward, like if you have a friend who is sick and you want to do something to help them heal.  You care about your friend and you want them better, that is your why.  But sometimes the why is more elusive, like if you want to loose weight, your why might be that you want to be healthier, but it might also include wanting to look better (and feel sexier or more confidant) and that you want to be able to play soccer without feeling winded immediately.  You don't have to pick just one why, in fact exploring the many reasons behind your spell can help you create a much more inclusive working!

If you are struggling with understanding your why, it can be helpful to get outside advice.  This might mean turning to your favorite divination method, and spending some time journaling out your whys, or it might mean asking a trusted friend or loved one for their input.  Just remember, if you are talking to other people, that you want to not only ask someone who you trust (and who knows you), but also someone who isn't going to try to talk you out of doing your work (sometimes you can get advice on your why without explaining what specifically you are planning on doing, so take our job example, you might ask a friend what type of job they think you would enjoy without telling them you are planning on doing a spell for it).

Once you have your why, you can start to think about the main shape your spell will take.  There are tons of types of spells out there, from candle spells to jar spells to bag spells or simple fire and forget spells.  This is one place where reading examples (especially examples that are similar to what you are planning, so if you are wanting to heal a friend, looking at a selection of healing spells can give you a sense of what other people have found works, and that is a great place to start!).  You might also just like one method over another, and prefer to use it, and that's perfectly fine too!

Almost every spell includes correspondences of some sort, whether they are physical items, representations or simply words to be called upon.  This is where your whys really come into play.  You will want something to represent all of your whys, so if I am wanting to loose weight (to be healthy, to look sexy and to be able to enjoy soccer more), then I should have at least one thing to represent each of my whys.

I sometimes think of deities as a way to include more correspondences.  I have a pretty wide group of deities I work with, so I have a lot of choices for deities that will fit my spell.  And sometimes you can work with multiple deities for the same spell, though this can often require more planning (and some deities just don't work well together, so understanding how they interrelate is important too).  You don't have to call on a deity for your spells, and some people have a patron deity that functions like a catch-all for them, when it comes to calling on deities in a spell.

I also want to note that spell creation isn't necessarily something that needs to be done all at once, in one sitting or quickly.  It can be, and learning to create on the fly is somewhat of a different skill, but for the purposes of this blog post, don't feel like you need to rush the process.  Sometimes, I will let an idea stew in my head, and that helps me come up with connections and ideas that I might have otherwise missed.  If you are planning your spell like this, having a notebook or some spot to jot down your ideas and thoughts as they come can be really helpful!

And, your actual 'spell work' doesn't have to be done in one setting either.  Sometimes, we ritualize the prep, especially if you are making any kind of herbal blend, poppet, totem or amulet/talisman (which might need to be prepared ahead of time).  Your spell might also extend into the future (like when you burn a 7 day candle for a spell), or have reactivation activities (like shaking a jar spell when it needs a boost or charging a ward every full moon).  

With any spell work, I think it's important to not pressure yourself too much over the results.  You aren't a bad witch/Pagan if you do a spell and it doesn't work out.  It's not even necessarily that the spell didn't work...sometimes our spells are like trying to hold back the push of the ocean with just your hands....you might not have enough force to create the change you are working towards.  But every spell you do (especially those you create) help you become better at them in the future!

One thing that I think can be important (but often overlooked) when talking about spell creation is reflecting on, and adjusting, the spell after the fact.  Especially for something (like a healing spell) that you might want to use again in the future, taking the time to think about (and make some notes on) what went well and what didn't go as well as you would have liked, along with how the spell felt as you did it and the results afterward...these all help to let you refine the spell for future use.

 

Creating your own spells isn't as hard as it first seems, and the benefits are countless.  Not only does it give you the ability to tailor your spells to your exact needs, but it also gives you complete control over what you use to do your spell, what deities (if any) you choose to work with, and how complicated or simple you prefer your work to be.  I highly recommend anyone who hasn't made their own spells give it a try...it's not as scary as it sounds!

Offerings

 

Many people include offerings as a part of their practice.  These could be offered up to the divine, to spirits, to ancestors or even simply to the earth.  The type of things that are offered up vary as widely as the people doing the offering...and those receiving it. Offerings range from simple and quick to elaborate and extravagant.

So, what is the purpose of an offering...what role does it play in your practice?  There are lots of reasons why people make offerings, and your path may influence how you think about offerings, but there is often still lots of room to have your own relationship with the idea of offering.  Some consider offerings to be a way of 'feeding the gods' and see it as a way to give back for all of the lovely influence our deities have in our life.  Others see them as tokens of affection, similar to how you might give a friend or loved one a gift just to let them know you are thinking about them.  Another perspective is that offerings are part of the relationship between you, sort of the social construct of witchy work (I work with this being, so they expect offerings).

As you can see, there is a lot of variance in how people think about offerings.  And each one has it's own nuances about what types of offerings might be expected.  As I mentioned before, there are lots of traditional offerings, and many deities have commonly accepted offerings that are strongly associated with them.  However, many people also find their own offerings...through their personal interactions with a particular being.  Especially for ancestor work, if you had a special thing that you shared with someone, that would make a beautiful offering!

A less often talked about thing, when it comes to offerings, is your personal circumstances.  Many people would love to make fancy offerings, but may not be able to afford them.  There is a bit of a misconception out there, that the more elaborate the offering, the 'better' it is.  But offerings come in SO many shapes and sizes and I personally feel that something offered up from the heart, with pure intent, has more spiritual 'weight' than a fancy offering that has no thought or emotion behind it.  

Ethics can also come into play, when we talk about offerings.  Perhaps a traditional offering is something we no longer find acceptable (like animal sacrifices).  Or it may be a personal thing, like not wanting to use alcohol as an offering because you have issues with alcohol.  I struggle with leaving out food offerings because of a combination of issues about leaving food out and food wastage.

And I think that if you have reservations about a particular offering, that will flavor the offering.  It's like giving a gift that you don't really want to give...sometimes the other person can tell.  If you are conflicted about your offering, think about what that says about the relationship.  The tricky bit is that sometimes, we are called to give offerings that we may have thoughts about, and part of the offering is making that personal sacrifice (like when you know your friend isn't as into a particular activity as you are, but they offer to come with you because they love you and know you want someone to do it with).  You are the only person who can decide if an offering is something you are willing to make, and how much out of your comfort zone you are willing to go.

Don't be afraid to try different offerings!  Most of the time, when we are making offerings, it is with a being we are wanting to work with.  If we offer something that isn't idea, we might get feedback that will let us know that something else is desired.  Or we may just get a feeling that the thing we offered wasn't as well received as we might have liked.  If you feel that way, it's a good time to check in and what might be a better fit.  Use whatever means you prefer to communicate, this might be a good time for divination or visualization!

I think it's important to remember that offerings are part of a relationship...they are a way of building it up and reinforcing the connection between you.  Which means that your personal boundaries are important!  If you feel like you need to offer something you simply are not comfortable with, then be vocal about it.  Be clear about why you can not offer the thing desired, and try different options to find something that might be acceptable instead.  If there can be no compromising, then you really have to ask yourself if you want to be in this relationship.

Offerings can be a wonderful part of your practice, and can be a great tool for deepening the relationships you have built within your path.  But we still need to make sure that all aspects of our practice fit with our lives (and our personal moral compass).  So don't be afraid to try new things, to negotiate your personal boundaries, and to ask what other things might be favorable options for an offering.

Giving without loosing yourself

 

 Lammas is around the corner, and it's a time of year when I always thing of generosity and bounty.  And sometimes, especially when you don't have a lot, it can be hard to feel like you are embodying that generous spirit.  Especially when we feel pushed (often by society) to 'give'...when we might not have enough ourselves.  Navigating the line between generosity and your personal boundaries can be quite tricky!

I think the first step is always to start with an honest evaluation of where you are.  Many of us feel like we are in a bad place, and obviously this is true for many of those people.  But sometimes, we feel like we are in a place of want, and then when we actually sit down and take a personal accounting, we realize there are a lot of ways in which we have more than we thought we did.

And this (taking a personal accounting) can be a great way to recognize where in your life you have some extra.  Maybe you like to cook in huge batches, and then get tired of it before you can eat it all...and perhaps you can invite friends over to share in your meals (not only helping them if they are struggling, but also saving you from having to eat the same thing for a week straight!).

But it also lets you become aware of any deficits.  To continue the previous example, maybe you have a little garden and you got in a bumper crop of tomatoes.  You talk it over with some friends and agree that they will drop off some other ingredients or bring side dishes, and you will make up a big batch of spaghetti or chili.  Everyone can enjoy it, people can bring some home, but everyone can contribute what they can to the meal as well.  

The important thing is to not fall into the trap of  "other people have it worse so I should always give to someone who is worse off than me".  This is where personal boundaries must be enforced.  If I honestly am struggling to pay bills and buy the necessity stuff, then I might not be in a place to give money to a homeless person.  Yes, they are absolutely worse off than me, but there are also a lot of people in the world worse off than me, and if I try to help them all, I will need help myself.

Instead, try to find the places where you can share a little.  Maybe that means finding things that you don't need anymore and donating them to shelters or outreach programs.  Maybe it means offering your time and labor to help in a community project.  Maybe you can connect people who are in a position to help with those who need it.

Even if you have nothing physical to give, you may be able to share information.  Help people in need find programs that will be able to help them.  Pass along good articles on ways to stretch resources or upcycle things.  When you find tips that work, save them and share them!

We tend to think of our harvest in a literal way.  It is the stuff we have (money, food, items...stuff).  But we are so much more than our stuff!  We have compassion, we have love, we have understanding.  Sometimes, what people need is simply to be treated like a person.  They want to talk about what they are going through and they want someone to listen.  They may not even want help (in the traditional sense), but might need a little compassion.  

And even though we are talking about non-physical stuff, you still need to remember your boundaries!  If you are already exhausted after taking care of your own life (you know:  job, family, self-care), then you may not have energy to give.  Or maybe you have time, but no emotional energy (or vice versa).  Sometimes navigating your boundaries means negotiating different ways to help.  Just remember that if you wear yourself out, you can't help anyone (especially yourself!)

Each and every one of us deserves to have enough.  And when you have enough, you can start sharing the extra (and that includes both stuff and non-stuff).  If we start thinking more like a community filled with individuals instead of just a bunch of people stuck in the same place together, it becomes easier to care about strangers...and when you care, you want to help!

So start by taking stock.  See where you stand, where you lack and where you have extra.  And talk to people!  Start with those you know.  See where your lacks and extras overlap.  And then reach even further out.  Think about what you have extra of and where that could help.  If more of us approached life like this, just imagine the amazing world we could create!

Imbolc, the home Sabbat

 Even in today's modern age, we tend to spend more time at home during the colder part of the year.  Imbolc is still a part of this colder time, even though it marks the beginning of spring.  I strongly associate Imbolc with the hearth, with the heart of our home.  And this got me thinking about it as a sort of house birthday.

We recognize anniversaries of so many things, and we spend so much time in our houses, but how often do we honor the role that our home plays in our life.  I'm not just talking about the physical stuff, keeping us out of the weather, protecting ourselves and our stuff, because home means so much more that that (as anyone who has lived in a place that doesn't feel like 'home' can attest to).  

And if you do live in a place where you don't feel at home, then you might want to apply this thought to somewhere that does feel like home to you.  Perhaps it is a friend's house, or a relatives, or that secret hidey hole that no one knows about...but it makes you feel safe.  Whatever space feels like home to you, Imbolc is a great time to celebrate that relationship.

When we celebrate a birthday, we are acknowledging that the person is important to us, and often we are doing things to demonstrate how much they mean to us...how important they are to our lives.  We give them a gift, something we think they will enjoy, as a marker of this celebration.

Shifting this idea to our home, we can take some extra time to clean things up (gift of service...and cleaning is often associated with Imbolc...spring clean!), or maybe get something nice that we've been wanting for our home:  a new piece of art, a cozy blanket, some fresh spring flowers.

Many Pagans like to work with their house spirit, and making a special offering or spending some time in communication (maybe through meditation or a chat through a divination tool)...just checking in and seeing how things are going and if there is something your home would like more (or less) of.

Candles and wishing are two things that are connected to Imbolc...and birthdays.  Why not light a candle for your house, and make a wish for your home for the coming year?  You could also dedicate a candle to your house spirit, and use it as a more regular practice, lighting the candle when you want to commune with or simply recognize the spirit of your house.

Food is another thing that plays a big role in both many Sabbat celebrations, but also in birthday gatherings.  As Imbolc is a festival of the hearth, it is a great time to cook those comfort foods that feel like a hug.  Maybe a recipe that has been passed down through your family and reminds you of when you were a child.  Or even a brand new dish that feels exciting or special.  And if cooking isn't your thing, then maybe splurge on a nice takeaway, you know that treat dish that just makes everything feel a bit better.

Just as in friendships, if you only wish someone a happy birthday and give them a generic gift, but you don't really talk the rest of the year, then your relationship might be a little distant or stiff.  Special observances like this should be just that:  special.  They shouldn't be the only time you work on them.  The more you can build the relationship between you and your home, the more in tune you will be with your surroundings and the more they will soothe you when you need that feeling of home.

But if you haven't worked with your home spirit before, don't fret!  Remember, every relationship starts somewhere, so take some time this Imbolc to recognize your home for all it does in your life.  And then start thinking about other times and places where you can reinforce this relationship.  Home is definitely a concept worth investing into!

Representation in Media

 Representation in media is something that is being talked about a lot more recently, especially around things like race, gender and sexuality, but it is also something that can be very emotional for those of us who follow a religion that doesn't always get good representation in media.

I am always drawn to books, shows and movies about witchy people.  And I don't need them all to be super realistic (though I would totally watch a 'real world' style show about Pagans...."20 Pagans share a house for a year...watch them do moon circles and Sabbats and just everyday stuff!"), I adore watching shows where the idea of Paganism or witchcraft is explored in a creative way....as long as they aren't all "witches are evil and horrible people!"

It really hit home this year, as I was watching the end of Motherland around the holidays and the Yule episode came up.  I adore holiday movies, even the really cheesy ones, but this was like a warm hug, just to see a Sabbat come up and people talking about their memories celebrating it.  

 

And it's not something we get to see a lot, and that makes my heart sad.  Because showing what we actually do and what our traditions mean to us, that is not only something wonderful for US to watch, but it becomes something that other people (who aren't Pagan or maybe don't even know what it means to be Pagan) can watch and see what we are about.

I think especially for anyone who is mostly solitary, having good media representation can fill in for those group gathers that you may not have near you.  Or if you simply don't have the funds to attend or maybe you are sick, you can still get that feeling of meeting up with others 'like you'.

I think people naturally want to see 'people like me' on the tv (or in books or advertising or wherever else media happens), and sometimes you don't even realize how much you were missing something, until you see it and it hits your heart like a freight train.

One thing I find interesting about watching any show where mythology comes into play is how much being Pagan just gives me a huge base of information (that feels SO basic to me), so when a deity or practice is referenced in a show, I know what the meaning of the reference is (and don't have to wait for the show to explain it...makes me feel quite smart sometimes!)

And I can just imagine a world where, not only Pagan practices are represented, but other faiths as well.  I'd love to see more shows that feature families practicing non-Christian religions (because let's be honest....99 percent of what is actually shown on most tv shows is Christian stuff...if the people are other religions, most of their religious practice isn't shown on screen).  I think it would go a long way in helping people be more open and understanding about other people's religions.

I feel like more people are disrespectful out of ignorance, and I also acknowledge that, if you only know of the mainstream media version of Paganism, it could lead to a lot of misconceptions.  And sadly, many people believe shows as Truth, even if it's a show that is obviously made for entertainment (you won't believe how many people think that the Marvel movies are an accurate representation of Norse deities...)

I think it's especially important for Pagans, as so many media representations paint us as the bad guy, and use just enough 'real' characteristics (like showing a character using tarot cards...but then being possessed by the devil for it *sigh), and the idea (that witches are evil) is repeated SO often, that it can be very hard for us to debunk those myths...without other good sources out there.

I have been happy to see more good shows lately that have slipped in some very Pagan ideas.  We have seen shows like the Good Witch or Charmed that show witches as the heroes (even if they give some things a fantasy upgrade, like the witchy powers in Charmed).  But we also still see a ton of horror movies where the witch is the big bad, so the scales are still tipped and we have a long way to go.

But I have hope.  Not only because I want to see more people like me in media, but because we (as a global community) are starting to have more conversations about things like this and we are starting to look for more ways to encourage representation of more groups.  And I think that is a wonderful thing!

Quiet Contemplation

 Life is a series of ups and downs, with times of frantic energy and times of stillness.  We just got through the holiday season, which is often very busy.  Many people have additional stresses around this time of year, whether it is due to spending more time with family (who may not 'get' you), or due to money issues, or just trying to get to all the parties!  And after such a busy time, it is often quite soothing to take some time to just...be.

If you already have a meditation practice, or a journalling practice, this could mean taking some extra time to slow down and just contemplate where you are at, right now.  This is a much more passive type of practice though, so there is no need to set a particular focus, just set some time aside to sit and think.

I often feel like we have really lost something in our busy modern life.  There aren't as many moments of stillness or times to just sit and be with ourselves.  There is always something to do, some distraction to keep you busy or something that needs attended to.  And if you wait for quiet moments to occur naturally, you may be waiting quite a while!

Instead, it is useful to schedule some down time.  Mark it in your calendar, make a sign for your door and put your phone on silent (or better yet, put it in another room!), and give yourself permission to take some time to yourself to just think.

It can feel kind of uncomfortable, at first, when you sit down for your quiet time.  And unlike many forms of meditation, you aren't trying to focus your mind one one thing, or keep it blank.  You are actually encouraging your mind to wander down whatever thought trails it wants.  

It can be helpful to have some kind of starting point, and I definitely feel that "how am I, right now," is a great one.  It starts you where you are, but as you know, thoughts are tricky things, and you may find yourself following a thought trail that leads you quite far from your starting point.

It's also perfectly fine to set some boundaries before you start.  If there are things that stress you out when you think about them, and you need a break from that, then absolutely shift your thoughts when those things come up.  There is plenty of time to sit with those uncomfortable thoughts at another time, when you aren't trying to recover from the business of the holidays.

I definitely find that I crave moments of quiet contemplation as my life gets busier.  Especially if I'm spending a lot of time with family (and thus having to put on my 'family face' lol), I find that having some time to just be myself, no apologies and no censoring, can really help me find that inner core of 'me' and gets me ready to go back out and handle whatever needs handled.

I should also point out that it's perfectly fine if you want to daydream as part of your contemplation.  I think daydreams are such amazing ways for us to explore different ways of being.  Maybe you have a favorite book/movie/show and you want to imagine what it would be like if you were part of that world.  Or maybe you always  wondered what it would be like to live as an animal.  Let your mind play in whatever world it wants, especially if your 'real' world is something you feel you need a little bit of a break from.

And there is NOTHING wrong with needing a break from your life sometimes!  It doesn't mean you don't love your people or that you are depressed...in fact knowing that you are stressed and need a break, and then planning time for it and actually taking that break is a very healthy way to handle the tough bits of life without either breaking down or avoiding things.  Just like you might take a rest when you are doing something physically demanding, taking some time for yourself in contemplation allows your mind (and emotions!) to rest, and is often quite refreshing.

So, if you find yourself feeling extra frazzled after the holiday season is over, try giving yourself some time to sit and think.  Let your mind wander, and even play with some daydreaming.  Even a small amount of time can give you that break you need, and allow you to return to your life feeling refreshed!

In like a whisper...

 For so many people, it's been a crazy few years, and I have been seeing these memes floating around suggesting that we don't claim the New Year as "my year!" for anything, but rather that we just keep our heads low and try to hang on.

While I'm not that big of a fan of the reasoning behind it (to me, that feels very much like victim blaming, like we, the common folks, shouldn't have any aspirations or goals...because that is somehow causing the world to push back....instead of really focusing on who/what is causing the crazy and working on sorting that out...but that's a whole nother topic lol), I do feel like the big, grand celebrations of New Year aren't for everyone.

A lot of people make a whole big deal about welcoming in the New Year.  They throw big parties, they have countdowns and big stars on the tv doing shows for entertainment as they wait to welcome in the new year.  They pick a Word to represent their year, and make resolutions and it's a whole thing.  And that is absolutely fantastic if that's your thing and it serves you well!

However, if you prefer a more quiet route, there is nothing wrong with taking the turning of the year and making it a time of just settling in to the live you already have.  Maybe you don't need a big change, perhaps you feel your life is pretty good how it is.  Or maybe you know that things are a bit rough, but instead of trying to make a big change, you want to shift your focus instead, and you double down on your gratitude for the bits of your life that you love.  Perhaps you just don't like all the fuss and work of big celebrations and just want to take some time to reflect and be in the moment.

I'm sort of reminded of some movies, where traditionally in a big action scene (or something highly dramatic), the music builds and there is this sense of tension as things keep getting louder, until there is some climactic moment and everything just sort of erupts.  But I've also seen movies where, when the big moment comes, the music just...stops.  And there is this silence, that highlights whatever is going on in a completely different way.

Sometimes, taking a moment in silence, just sitting with ourselves, can be really powerful.  Maybe we don't need the big external stuff, but would rather do some deep diving into our own mind.  New Year is a great time to take stock of our life, but that doesn't mean we need to make sweeping changes.  When we consider the upcoming year, it's okay to think about just continuing on as we are...we are enough, and we don't need to change to be good people!

And I think that is part of why I feel like many traditional takes on the New Year feel off to me.  It's almost like the whole point is to 'fix' your life, to trim out the bad and add in all that stuff that you wish you could do (or be).  And while I'm a huge advocate for self-improvement, it needs to be done out of a genuine desire to grow, not out of some sense of shame about who you are now.

I definitely have my own rituals around the New Year, but for me, it's all about what I feel I need in that moment.  And some years it's about working on a big change, while other years it's about just holding on, or adjusting to a new situation.  Neither is better than the other, but if I tried for something big on a year where I already felt I was struggling to just get by, then I would be under even more pressure and it just wouldn't fit.  Everything has it's time, and that includes both dramatic improvement as well as radical self-acceptance.

So if you are feeling the need to shake things up, or are super excited about starting something new and making some changes, then by all means, go for it!  Grab the New Year by the reigns and hit the ground running.  But if you are feeling overwhelmed, pressured to change (when maybe you don't feel the need personally), or just wanting to stay in and enjoy a chill, quiet night...then don't feel like you need to do more!  Mark the turning of the year in the way that speaks to your heart, and remember that whatever you need, right now, in this moment...that is the right thing for you!

Ending a cycle

 New Years is a huge celebration for many people, and we use it to say good bye to the old year and welcome in the new.  But most of the focus is on the incoming year.  Maybe we set goals for the year, pick a word for the year or make some kind of resolution.  We rarely spend the same amount of time honoring the old year, recognizing what it has given us, what our struggles have been and saying good bye to it.

Part of a good transition is recognizing what we are letting go of, and by making a ritual of saying good bye to the old year and marking the end of the yearly cycle, we are giving ourselves a boundary between what we don't want to carry into the new year.  It is making a point of saying "this stuff was part of this year, but now we are staring a new year, so I don't need this to continue."

I have built up a pretty big practice of end of year reflection.  For me, it's a time to look back at the whole year, to remember the good times and the bad ones, to think about new people I have met, and remembering those who left us.  It's about finding closure and about seeing the year as a whole.  I enjoy journaling out thoughts about what I did well and what I struggled with.

Since we are saying good bye to a whole year, this is something that can easily be extended over several days, not something you need to do all at once on New Year's eve (especially if you have plans)!  And you don't have to come up with everything on your own (even though it is a pretty personal and private thing, at least for me).  There are a ton of great resources out there for journal and reflection questions.  

I definitely feel that reflecting on the year can be hugely rewarding.  What this looks like to you may be different from what it looks like to me.  You can find a tarot spread to work on, or some journal questions, or maybe even just spend some time thinking and reflecting (if you aren't a journaling person...doing this by a fire or looking out the window at snow is great!)

One thing I like doing is flipping through my planner (and journals...all the stuff I worked on during the year).  My planner has journal aspects to it, so there are daily/weekly/monthly reflections, there are memory pages, there are notes (for future projects as well as stuff I was working on at the time), so going through it is like a snapshot of my year, and it lets me reconnect with memories, which is always fun.  I almost always 'end' a planner with an end of year reflection, whether it is more formal or just me writing out whatever is on my mind.

Another personal ritual I do is that I create an anklet for the year, one that I wear always, and then on New Year's eve, I add next year's anklet (and wear both), and on New Year's day, I remove the old one (and offer it up in thanks).  I've been doing this for quite a few years now, and it definitely a big marker of the year ending for me.  It's funny, because I tend to swap legs each year, and when I add the new one, I'm very aware of it for weeks!

In the past few years, I've also added a Norse version of the 12 days of Xmas to my end of year celebrations.  So, for the last 12 days of the year, I honor a different concept, from my ancestors, light/dark, community, healing....it's a way to not only give thanks for the things that happened this year but also to build dreams for next year.

I've always loved advent type things, so having this extended ritual celebration at the end of the year gives me the structure I desire to count down the final days of the year.  Having done it a few days now, it's fun to build on what I've done before, to deepen my connection with each day and the deities and energies I associate with them.

I also find that the end of the year (for me) feels almost frantic.  There is this building of energy, the tail end of the holiday season (though I do tend to think of the holiday season as reaching almost to May, it's like the intensity changes with the New Year).  Taking a little time each day in those final days of the year helps me mark the turning and keep my balance, even in this somewhat liminal time (because the time from Xmas to New Year really often feels like it's 'extended holiday time' probably a holdover from winter school holidays that last for the last two weeks of the year in many places).

So whether you feel yourself floundering at the end of the year (like I did!) or you just want to explore your relationship with the year that is coming to a close, I highly recommend expanding your New Year's celebrations to include saying good bye to the old year in some fashion.  Have fun exploring the options and finding what works best for you!

Electric lights

 At Yule, we welcome back the light, and it's often a time for lighting candles.  And as much as I love me a good candle or twelve, sometimes the situation may not be right for an open flame.  Many people have romanticized candles, and they represent that something special is going on (whether it is ritual or romance LOL), while 'normal' electric lights feel more ordinary and don't bring that same sense of wonder.

But here's the thing....our ancestors didn't have special lights to bring out for rituals and celebrations, they used candles because that's what they had.  And even though we use electric lights for our daily life, there are so many variations on light we can still use electric lights for spiritual or special occasions...and have them different from the lights we use everyday to maintain the special feelings they evoke.

Especially at this time of year, when holiday lights are everywhere, the options are limitless.  You can find beautiful lights that suit your desires, and have something that will work for you (and everyone involved).

Now, I know some people have very conflicted emotions about holidays, so if certain lights trigger negative emotions in you, pass those over and find different ones!  And you don't have to limit yourself to holiday lights, you can work with a lava lamp or colored light bulbs.  There are fairy lights or LED lights, and of course you can put fancy shades around them (like you might put a tea light in a fancy candle holder to spice it up).

Light is such a basic thing, but it's really amazing how changing the light in a room changes the energy of it.  You can play with this, building up your collection of lights and figuring out which kind works best for you in which situations.  

And just because you are embracing electric light doesn't mean you can't also (or at different times) use candles!  This is about adding another tool to your toolbox, not necessarily replacing it (though of course if you can't ever use candles, this is a great alternative).  

One of the obvious advantages is that electric lights are much less of a fire hazard, which allows you to leave them 'burning' on altar spaces or what not.  Of course, you still want to make sure that you are taking the appropriate precautions, so make sure things are plugged in to a safe outlet, and that the heat of the lights won't ignite anything nearby, but they are definitely a safer choice if you have pets that like to investigate open flames.

One thing that takes a little bit to wrap your head around is how to 'dress' an electric light.  If I'm using candles for ritual, I do like to dress and charge them, sometimes I'll carve symbols or put some herbs in the wax.  Obviously, I can't really do these things to my electric lights, but you can still find ways to dress them up.  

Fancy tapes can be used to add flair, and you can use something like nail polish or a paint pen to draw symbols on the outside of things (like on the pole of a standing lamp, or the switch on the wall).  Or, you can make a tag to attach to your cord that you can write your intentions on.  You can likewise hang charms or bags (of herbs and stones) off of the switch (so that you can active them every time you switch the light on).  Just like when working with candles, you will want to make sure that any modifications you do don't make the lights unsafe!

I am all about feeling magical, and sometimes it's easy to overlook options, simply because we see them all the time, and so we tune them out.  But with a little twist, a bit of a different perspective and a new way of thinking, we can open up our options and end up with a whole new world of lighting to play around with.

So, whether holiday lights have always delighted you or if you are simply in need of a more practical solution for times when fire isn't the best idea, electric lights can be practical, versatile...and utterly magical!

Extremes help!

 It's a very common phenomenon for us humans to glorify whatever is 'not' going on right now.  In the winter, we miss summer, in the fall we miss the bright colors of spring.  And often it's the extremes that really get people feeling nostalgic for 'any other season' (or experience, or situation).  It's like we're programed to not be happy with what we have, but to look at it and only see what we don't have.

It's not necessarily a bad thing, to remember fondly other times and to appreciate that we know the cycle will turn around.  But if we focus only on what we don't have, we miss out on what is going on right now.

However, if we can flip the script, and remember the opposite extreme, perhaps calling to mind the sweltering heat (and humidity!) of summer...when we are in the middle of a snowstorm, we can start to temper those longing feelings, and instead of being unhappy about the storm, we can look for what makes it special...and what it helps us appreciate.

Feeling longing is a great time to turn to gratitude.  If we are longing for those warm spring nights, where everything is alive and growing, then we can take a moment to be grateful that we know the seasons will shift and spring will come and we will get to experience that.  We can even be thankful for whatever is going on right now that makes us feel the longing.

This can also be applied to tasks we may not enjoy so much.  If you are like me, you might struggle to work out.  Often, tasks we don't like are a form of an extreme, and working out is often a peak of effort...way more than we use in a typical moment.  But, intellectually we know that doing short bursts of activity like that can create a healthier body, and will make those moments of rest that much better.

You can even tap into this appreciation when the extreme is one you enjoy!  If you are having a lovely vacation, with no work to stress over or normal adulting tasks that you find tedious to do, and perhaps you find your mind drifting back to work or beginning to dread the return to work (and thus detracting from your good time), you can take a moment to shift your perspective and instead be grateful for this moment and recognize how it will allow you to return to your normal tasks feeling rested and content.

One thing that may be helpful to practice is holding both a like and dislike for a particular experience in your mind at the same time.  So maybe you have a social obligation (work thing, family thing, friend thing), and there are aspects of it you really don't care for (whether that is the people present, the topics that are to be discussed, or even the location and activities planned), but there are also parts you do enjoy (good food, specific people you enjoy being with, getting to dress up and go out).  

 

By holding both the good and the bad in your mind at the same time, you temper the good with the bad.  You can do the same for whatever you 'wish you could be doing instead', and maybe you'd rather stay in with a good book, but you realize that doing that will make your friend sad (which you don't want to happen) or that you'll miss out on office drama, or just a general feeling of missing out (because you never know if it will be THE party).  

 

With both the good and the bad of where you are and where you wish you could be, you begin to see that nothing is cut and dry, nothing is just good or just bad.  It may take you a little bit to figure out the benefits of the thing you aren't too fond of or the downside of the thing you wish you could do instead, but the more you practice it, the easier it comes.

 

And being able to bring all the factors to the table lets you not only realize that sometimes we put too much importance on one aspect (yes, it may be a work function, but it's also a paid trip and some good dining) and we often over play the alternative (sure, we could skip it and stay home and play video games, but then maybe we won't be as strongly considered for the promotion that we really want).

 

Life is complicated and messy and very few things are only good or bad.  If we practice using these extremes in our life to show us a more balanced way of thinking about our experiences, we may find that these 'extremes' aren't really so extreme after all.

Embracing community

 When I think about the holiday season (which for me is pretty much Halloween through Valentines day...which is coincidentally the cold and dark part of the year), I think about community.  I think about banding together with the people who live near us, the people we care most about, and the people who support us (family, friends and acquaintances).  

The image that often comes to my mind is being tucked in a warm house, with people I like, eating good food and just enjoying each other's company.  But I feel like this can be an outdated image, because many of the people I care about don't live near me.  And even though the details of the image don't line up, I still feel that this time of year we really turn to the people who make our lives meaningful, the community that we feel we belong to.

Now community can mean a lot of things, and I definitely feel that locality is only one of them.  Yes, I am part of my local community, in that I live in my town, shop at local stores and interact with people on the street.  But I am also part of the Pagan community (as a whole entity), as well as specific Pagan communities that I interact with.  I am also part of communities that bond over shared interests, shared life experiences and shared trauma.  

All of these communities make me who I am, they influence my daily life, and when I think of being lonely (and the cold, dark parts of the year can emphasize any loneliness we might be feeling), I often think of reaching out virtually before I think of reaching out in person...and there is nothing wrong with that!

Don't get me wrong, I adore my local friends, and there are definitely places that I feel at home at here in my town, but due to busy lives and what not, meeting up in person isn't always possible.  I definitely interact more with even local friends through digital means.

I also feel that we sometimes find our digital life (especially if we like to scroll on social media a lot...nope, totally 'not' guilty of that one....*snort) starts to feel toxic or heavy, it can be good to step out of the main stream and instead just connect with the people we do care about.  I often see people saying they want to step away from socials, and while I think that can be a good thing (and of course only you know what is best for your own mental health!), I do think that too much isolation can also be detrimental to our mental health.

Winter weather can also effect our mental state, not only is it cold (which often drives people to spend more time indoors), but winter weather can also limit our desire to leave our home.  Add in the reduced amount of daylight (which definitely effects some people more than others), and it's like we are setting ourselves up for moody times.

In order to counteract this seasonal slump, I think it's very important to lean into our communities, whether they are familial, local, friend, or online (or a combination of those!).  Reach out when you are feeling a bit down, and if you have the emotional reserves, reach out to people you know who you think might need a bit of a boost.  The thing about community is we are all part of it, and we all help to keep our communities healthy.

It's also a good way to trick your brain sometimes.  I know that I might be feeling in a slump, and not motivated to talk (because I don't really like venting or dumping my issues on other people), but if I see a friend who is struggling, I want to do what I can to help them, and often that in turn helps me feel better.  It's kind of funny how we are willing to do for other people things that we don't feel comfortable asking for help with ourselves.

So as they days grow darker, and the weather turns cold, and we find ourselves spending more time holed up inside, remember that you are part of many communities, and you can reach out to the ones that make you feel most connected!  This can take many forms, from a physical meetup, to a video or phone call, to texting or messaging, or whatever you and your communities like to do.  Embrace your people, and you will surely find that they embrace you back!

Informal notes...aka Pagan Prayer Journaling

 Okay, so a bit ago I was thinking about stuff to write about, and I stumbled across this blog post:  65 Prompts for Pagan Prayer Journaling.  Now, this is a fabulous list of things to write about, but what especially caught my eye was the reframe it had on studying, notes, daily practice and journaling!  

As someone who is a big fan of taking personal notes (I definitely remember more when I have to write it out by hand, but also information sinks in better if I need to reword it into my own words), I still think of 'notetaking' as a formal process.  I have organized Books of Shadows, as well as a whole collection of notebooks that hold other notes and information I've written down.  And in my head, the goal is always to keep information tidy, so that when I want to find it again, I can.

But the idea of just writing stuff down everyday, whatever comes up or seems to want to be written down is such an enticing one.  I used to keep an 'internet notebook' just for copying over stuff I found online that I wanted to have..but didn't really fit in my BOS or maybe I wasn't sure where I wanted to put it just yet.  I sadly fell out of the habit as I got more used to just bookmarking sites (to be read later....my tbr bookmark selection is like my book tbr list....it's longer than I expect my lifetime to be, and I expect to live for quite a long time!)

I also feel this practice of keeping your daily writing in one place would be very helpful if you are one of those people who (like me) struggles with remembering to work in books that are put away (sometimes, the act of pulling out the specific book I want to write in is too much and I don't end up doing anything at all).  It would also be great if you spend a lot of time outside your home, as you would only need a single notebook to carry with you!)  You could even do this on a journaling app (which makes it even more travel friendly, and you could find one that lets you tag or organize your notes in a way that works for you).

One of the things I really like about this idea is that it lets you vary your daily spiritual writing practice.  Especially when you use a prompt list like this, you have lots of ideas of stuff to write about, when you want to do something spiritual but maybe don't have anything specific in mind (please tell me I'm not the only one who wants to do something but then kinda gets hung up on what to do).

It's kind of like a combination of a commonplace book (which is basically your personal journal of helpful tips and information to remember....made popular back in the days before published books were a reasonable price for the average person), a bullet journal (where you note down important stuff from your day) and BOS (specifically the style of BOS that is like a personal magic diary).

I definitely see aspects of this when I look for examples of witchy/Pagan bullet journals or calendar work.  And I used to see these pretty (or functional, depending on your style) pages of notes and think "wow, that would never work for me, I wouldn't ever be able to find anything", but I think that's really not the point of this type of practice.

Sure, you may end up with notes on things you are interested in and studying, and of course you could go back through your journals and compile the notes into something more cohesive...but you could also just keep making new notes (especially if you are like me, and your brain remembers best through small bits of repetition over the years...it's okay if this is my millionth time writing about astrology because I still don't remember what all the signs mean!!!)

Looking over the list, I think a lot of it could be distilled down to:  "Find a thing that interests you today.  Read about it, or do it...then write about it."  It's an action and then a reaction, and that's where the beauty lies!  It's funny, while I always hated reflections when I had to write them in school (especially reflecting on papers I had written..I hadn't yet figured out that teachers weren't just there to give me grades, but to help me learn, and that honest reflection on what went good, what went bad and how you felt about it is such a major part of learning).

In some ways, I think that is something that can be missing from solitary practice:  the feedback.  This style of journaling allows you to give your own feedback, both immediately and also later, when you go back and read what you wrote previously.  In fact, that would be my own addition to the list:  read a previous journal entry and then write your current thoughts on what you wrote before.

I also really like that they include brainstorming and planning as part of it.  Brainstorming or just coming up with ideas is such a great task, and it's something that we sometimes forget we can do in an unfocused way.  Sure, we can plan out that next ritual or gathering we are attending, but we can also just keep a running list of:  things we'd like to research, ideas we read that we want to try (someday), ritual ideas that would be fun, books to read, tools to buy....anything that you may want to do in the future (but have no definite plans for right now).  The best thing about playing with brainstorming like this is you end up with things you can turn to later (when you are actually looking for stuff to do).

But the absolute best thing (in my opinion) about informal notes like this is that there are no rules.  You don't have to format it in a specific way, you don't have to list your sources (but you can if you want!), you don't have to have all the answers or even know really what you are going to do.  Just pick a thing, and let your thoughts flow onto paper.

Sharing makes lean times better

 With Lammas around the corner, many people are thinking about the harvest, and with all that is going on in the world right now, many of us are facing a lean year.  While we may be able to make our bills and keep food on the table, we may also be cutting back extras or being especially mindful about what we are spending our money on.  And, of course, not everyone is that lucky.

But when times are lean, that is when we need to reach out and turn to our community (whether that is our pagan community, the local community or even the global online community).  Trying to handle lean times in isolation only makes them that much harder.

Sharing can mean different things to different people.  There are many ways we can share, and which we choose may depend on our individual circumstances (and the community that we belong to).  Sharing can be done physically, mentally or emotionally.

Let's talk physical.  This is the type of sharing we are taught in kindergarten, where if we have a candy bar and someone else doesn't, we can share what we have with them.  But we can also share community style, where everyone brings something to the table so that everyone can eat.  This reminds me of the story of stone soup, where it started with nothing but a pot and a stone, but everyone added a little something and soon there was enough to feed everyone.

 

Many people know it's best to buy foods in bulk, but if you have a small family that's not always practical.  However, if several households band together, they can buy things in bulk and then split the cost and products.  This enables you to take advantage of the savings without ending up with food that you can't eat before it spoils (or being in the position of not being able to afford buying enough of something to get the bulk price)

We can also share extras we have, either offering our excess to friends/family or to strangers (by donating to an organization).  I've always been one who prefers to pass items along to other people rather than throwing them out, especially for things I just don't care for (or maybe clothes that don't fit but are still perfectly usable).

Now, maybe you aren't in a position to share physically, but you can share mentally.  When I think of mental sharing, I think of helping other people find solutions to their problems.  I saw a big outreach of mental sharing with the baby formula shortage, where people were sharing their family recipes for baby formula.  I've also seen it with regards to combating food spoilage or making better use of limited ingredients.  Sometimes people have resources they don't recognize because they don't know how to use what they have.  Information is a powerful thing, but serves best when shared!

Emotional sharing is a way of helping to carry the burden of lean times.  It's emotionally draining to be in a lean space, and sometimes we just need to be able to share what we are going on....having someone to listen to us is often undervalued.  Emotional sharing is also a tricky place, and you always want to make sure you are giving as well as taking (if able!) so if you only ever talk about your troubles, you might find that the people who once helped you by listening aren't as willing to share their time with you if you never give them time to talk as well.

I also find that venting (because that's often what we need to do when we share emotionally) can become a downward spiral if you only focus on the bad stuff.  And I also know it can be extremely hard to be hopeful and upbeat when you are worried about making bills or putting food on the table.  I find that doing prosperity work when in a low place is doubly beneficial...not only do you really need the influx of prosperity in your life, but you need that shift in focus and that doing the work helps give you a sense of taking action (not just accepting what trials life throws your way).

Talking things out, especially in a group where everyone has time to share, can also lead to unexpected solutions.  We are absolutely stronger together, and what may be insurmountable for one person might be something that another person can easily help with.  That person may have an issue they can't handle, but someone else can.  By doing what we can, to help each other, we are all lifted up.

A lot of people feel like they should keep quiet when things get tough...that maybe they don't want to be a burden, or they are embarrassed about needing help, or they want to preserve their perfect image.  But we aren't meant to handle everything on our own, and there is nothing wrong with needing help sometimes.  Especially if you also look for ways to help others, in whatever form you are able to assist in.