Attending war victims

 Memorial day is a time to honor those who have fallen in war, but I think that there are many ways to do this, and one is to find a way to help those who were victimized by the war.  Now victims could be people who were directly impacted, people who lost their homes or were injured in a war, but it could also be people who were indirectly impacted, like family members of people who were lost in the war.  War reaches far and wide and when you stop and think about it, there are many people who could be considered war victims.

You might ask how helping victims fits the purpose of the holiday, but I feel like many soldiers fought to help people, whether they believed in the goals of the war or if they were trying to defend their loved ones.  We don't live in a vacuum, and the reasons behind the actions often show us so much.  If the people who fought (and died) did it for other people, it makes sense that finding ways to do things for people who have suffered due to the war would be an homage to the soldiers who lost their lives in the same war.

A very simple way to meld these two concepts together is to ask people to tell you about their loved ones who were lost in war.  Memories help keep people alive, and sharing memories (even with a stranger who didn't know the person involved) helps people feel close to their lost loved one.  Especially if it is an older person, they may feel like they are the only one left who remembers a particular story, or even a person. 

Other little gestures can mean a whole lot as well.  There are many graveyard traditions for different groups, from placing flowers on a grave, to putting coins on the headstone, to leaving trinkets or offering food (or other types of things).  Learning about these traditions gives you new ways to help honor those who have died, but also let the people who remember and love them know that other people are thinking of them too.  Going to the grave of someone you cared about and seeing signs that other people have been there and paid their respects can make them feel a little less alone.

There are also often memorial style services for specific wars and groups of soldiers, and you might feel like this is something you want to help with.  Often these are run by volunteers, and they frequently appreciate any help that is offered.  You can contact the people in charge of running the event and see what they need help with, and what you can give.  If you are busy, this might mean donating supplies or money, but if you don't have any of those to spare, you might offer your time instead.

And sadly there is always conflict going on somewhere in the world, so there are opportunities to help victims of ongoing wars.  Again, there are many ways to help, from finding a charity to contribute to, offering up your time and energy to send care packages or write letters, or (depending on where you live and your means) actively helping to take care of refugees or other survivors.

Even in our own homes, when we set out a memorial for those who lost their lives in conflict, we can also light a candle for those who have lost other things but still remain.  We can think about what those soldiers might have done, had they come home, who they might have embraced and who is crying over their grave.  When we bring comfort to those people, we honor the soldier they cared about.

Memorial day will always be a somber holiday, but by remembering the victims who remain, we can shift a bit of that sadness into a sense of community.  We can keep the soldiers memories alive, especially to the people who knew and loved them.  We can look after the people that those soldiers are no longer able to care for.  And we can create something lovely out of the loss that their deaths created in the world.

Moderation in wild harvesting

 As human beings evolved from being hunter-gatherers to cultivating land and crops, we shifted our mindset when it comes to harvest.  With a planted field, it makes sense to harvest all that is available, especially as we became more specialized as a society and not everyone has a garden, so those who plant crops provide for many people, not just themselves.

But as Pagans, we often go out into nature and wild harvest, gathering plants, nuts fruits (and other bits and bobs) for our practice, and we need to make sure we are being responsible and mindful when we harvest from nature.

On a purely physical level, if we take everything we find, especially if we clear an area out of a particular plant or resource, we deplete the area.  This can not only make it harder for us to find the same things at a later date, but it can deprive the wild critters who live in that area from the things we have harvested as well.

On a spiritual level, we should always seek to give something back when we take, even if that something is a pour of fresh water, an expression of our gratitude and a blessing on the land so that it can provide for us in the future.

But I think it goes deeper than that as well.  When we wild harvest, we aren't devoting our time and energy to growing what we want to harvest, we typically are wandering about, hunting for what we seek.  And spending the time to consider what else may benefit from the things we are harvesting helps us build that connection to both the land and the other beings who dwell there.

Many of the things we wish to gather are plentiful, but when they are not, we need to be extra mindful of what we take.  If it's been a dry year, and the fruits are not in abundance, we may decide it best to take only a few things and to leave the majority for the native residents who might be relying on those foods to survive.

You may find that you also pick which things to harvest differently, in sparse years, depending on what you plan to do with your harvest.  If you are looking for edible things, then of course you want to find ones that are ripe and not damaged, but if you are looking for spell ingredients you might leave some of the best options for others who are searching for food, choosing to take damage or overripe options instead (especially if you are planning on transforming them in some way or if you are making use of the seeds and don't need your harvest to be pristine).

And if you are taking other materials, like stones or wood, it is always good to keep in mind where you are harvesting from.  If I am picking a branch from a tree, I can look for a branch that is growing in a difficult place or that perhaps has taken some damage already.  Don't just think about what you need, but consider what would help the tree (or at least what would cause the least harm).

I should also note that it is best if you do your research for any animal related things.  If you are wanting anything that might be part of an animal's home (like a bird nest or such), you may want to learn how to tell when a nest has been abandoned, so you aren't displacing someone.  Sometimes even spending too much time around an animal's home can disturb them (especially if they have young), so being aware of your environment and trying to disturb the natural world as little as possible is a great goal to keep in mind.

Nature has a lot to offer us, and in most cases more than we would need.  But that doesn't mean we should take it for granted, and we should always strive to work in harmony with the world around us, to share what is available, and to leave the world in a better state than we found it.  This will do so much more for our practice than that extra herb or stone.

Birthgiver does not equal mother

Mother's Day can be a landmine for anyone who has a complicated relationship with their mother (or I should say with the person who birthed them).  Because that's really what this post is about....that just giving birth doesn't make you a Mother.  I feel like we've imbued the word Mother with energies that are earned (and it's really not that hard to earn them...love is they key to it all!).

Speaking as someone who has had a child, and who often didn't feel connected with the role of Mothering, and someone who had a complicated relationship with their own mother (who was a good mother, we just didn't always line up in our understandings when I was little), I have always had a bit of a disconnect with the closeness that is often shown between a mother and child.  

When I was in the middle of raising our son, there were a ton of times where I felt not worthy, where I thought I was being a 'bad mother' or where I just felt completely out of my depth.  I worried all the time that our son would grow up damaged from my own lack.

The thing is, now that I'm beyond the day to day (since son is grown and on his own), I can look at him and be proud, not only of the man he's grown to be, but the influences of myself I see in him.  And I honestly feel that trying to be a better mother is the absolutely most important thing.  

Where I feel the real difference between mother and birthgiver is in your focus.  Mothers (regardless of whether they are birthgivers or not) want the best for their child.  They want to see them grow into the person they are, they want to help them but still challenge them, they want them to become independent, whole people.

Often the people who clamor the loudest about how great of a mother they are aren't focused on their child at all.  They take every opportunity to make their child all about them.  Their child becomes an accessory, something they can show off or use to demonstrate how wonderful they are (or overworked, or patient or whatever they feel they want to be perceived as).  ((I should note, not every person who treats a child in their care this way is the birthgiver, nor the mother, but since this is a Mother's day post, that is where my focus is in this post))

There is a loud group of people who want to equate birthgiver with Mother and demand that everyone (but especially the child) give the birthgiver respect.  Except they aren't really talking about respect (basic or otherwise), they are actually talking about obedience and borderline worship.  Like the child somehow owes their birthgiver everything and should be paying them back with their life.

And there is something very messed up about that attitude.  Even if you have the best mother in the world, and you are very grateful for their role in your life...you don't owe them (and they probably wouldn't want you to think of it as a debt)!  There is a huge difference between gratitude and appreciation and servitude (and there are people who treat their children as slaves).

Now, I want to clarify, that I'm all for chores, for teaching children responsibility (and respect), for showing children how to take care of themselves (and others) as well as their environment.  As a Mother (or Father, or caregiver of any kind), I definitely feel part of your 'job' is to ready the child for life as an adult, and that includes teaching responsibilities.

But there is a huge difference between teaching a child to help around the house with appropriate chores, and requiring them to do all the housework in order to 'earn' basic necessities (like food).  There is a difference between teaching children manners and forcing them to 'respect their elders' (especially when those elders are being skeevy or overbearing).  There is a difference between asking children to help with things they can manage (like taking care of a pet or helping a parent get dinner ready) and expecting them to take care of the parent (because the parent is lazy or demanding, not because there is an actual need).

It's definitely a thing that has a lot of shades of grey and isn't simple, but I feel that it's something that is SO ingrained in us as a society that around this time of year I always want to put these thoughts out there, in case anyone is struggling with their relationships with their birthgiver.  Just giving birth doesn't make you a mother, and you have full rights to cut ties with anyone (including blood relatives) who are toxic in your life...including your birthgiver!

Sex and Ritual

 

A lot has changed in the Pagan community in the years since I first started learning, and one of the big changes is in regards to sex.  Now, sex is a taboo topic for many people, and it's one of those subjects that most people receive very mixed messages about from the media.  We are taught to be both embarrassed by any and all discussions of sex and also it's shoved in our face in tv/movies and advertising.

When I first started learning, there was a lot of sexual concepts that were taught as 'standard', from the Great Rite (both in actual and in symbolic forms) to passing a kiss around the circle, to various forms of sexual magic (both magic done through sex and magic done with the purpose of creating opportunities for sex or otherwise enhancing sexual situations).

While sex in and of itself isn't bad or dirty or something to be avoided, the attitudes towards sex and ritual were less that desirable.  There was always shame put on anyone who wasn't comfortable (for any reason) with sexual content (including nudity at ritual), and sex was something that was 'on the table' for most group work (even if you chose to abstain personally, there might be sex acts going on around you).

Even outside of group situations, a lot of magic (and the process of teaching magic) was done with the bonded pair put forth as the desired working situation.  Where a man and a woman would join in a magical partnership, and sex was often a part of this bonding process.  Sometimes same sex pairings would be 'allowed' but even then, one person was expected to take on the masculine role and one the feminine (based on the idea that it was the joining of these two opposing energies that would create powerful magic).

I'm quite happy with the direction that things have taken in more recent years.  Not only do you rarely hear about things like the Great Rite (which really always sounded to me like an excuse for coven leaders to have sex with multiple partners...which of course it's fine to have multiple partners, but don't use magic as your cover, just be honest about what you want and with whom), but consent has become a much bigger topic of conversation.

Consent is one of those things that definitely needs to be talked about more (in general society), and it amuses me that most often the groups that are seen as somewhat outside the norm (LGBT+, kink, polyamory) often have a way better understanding of what consent actually means.  Consent doesn't just mean getting the other person to say yes, it means that they actually want to say yes, that they want to say yes throughout the whole encounter, and that they feel no pressure or shame if they were to say no.

So what does this mean for sex and ritual?  It means, that if you are planning on doing anything sexual, that you need to have proper consent from everyone involved...and that means everyone involved needs to understand exactly what is going on.  It means that if someone isn't interested in doing this kind of work, that they aren't shamed or otherwise treated poorly for sitting out a ritual (nor are they pressured in any way to participate).  This also means that you can't use "but sex is part of this ritual" as an excuse to be unfaithful to your regular partner (in a relationship that wouldn't normally allow you to have other partners).

And even if you aren't part of a group, there should never be any pressure to do any kind of sexual act as a part of your path if you aren't fully comfortable with it.  Now, this can be a bit tricky, especially when it comes to trauma and someone trying to do shadow work on their own sexual issues.  But I think the key here is to remember that YOU should always be in the drivers seat.  You are the one who decides when you are ready to work on the uncomfortable stuff, you decide what is too much, and no one should ever make you feel less than for what you do (or do not do).

Sex can be a powerful act that can be used magically for a variety of purposes.  You can also have powerful magic and a full and complete practice without including sex in your workings at all.  There is room enough in this world for everyone to have the kind of practice they desire, and sex is just one more variable that we can explore (or not).  And remember, "no" is a complete sentence, and you don't owe anyone any justification on why you may not want to do something.  No is enough.

Created Holidays

 

I love holidays, and I'm always looking for new holidays to add to my personal calendar.  Every year or so, I feel moved to look for interesting days to celebrate, and I adore Pagan date books that have at least one thing listed for every day (and I totally need to get a book and cultivate my own book of days!)

But in my search for interesting holidays, I always stumble upon some UPG or created holidays.  One that often pops up on my social media is Wolfenoot (which if you haven't read about...you need to, it's adorable).  And I recently found a whole set (kind of like the Advent or 12 days of Yule) where someone described a set of days devoted to the Norse nine worlds.

And invariably, when talking about created holidays, there will be comments that those aren't 'real' holidays, and some people feel like creating your own holidays (or celebrating a modern 'created' holiday) is somehow tipping into realms of pop culture Paganism or Chaos magic, where you can just make up whatever you want (which if you aren't aware, I'm a huge fan of, but I know it's a contentious subject for many people)

But here's the thing.  All holidays are created!  If you go back far enough, someone (or a group of someones) decided that this specific day would be a good day to recognize this person/event, and they started doing it.  

If you search for holidays for any given date, you will find a whole list of days, from long established traditions to very new ones (like Talk Like a Pirate day).  There are holidays with tons of followers and some with only a few.  Like anything else, popularity can be hard to predict, but once something catches on, it becomes a whole thing, and suddenly everyone is talking about this particular day.

One of the great things about created holidays is you can create a holiday to recognize whatever you want.  If you have a deity you work with, maybe you want to dedicate a holiday to them.  Or maybe you have a holiday you grew up with that doesn't really fit you now, but you want to build a new tradition off of it (like Friendsgiving).  You could build a holiday around your favorite myth or story, creating traditions that represent different parts of the tale.

Which is great, as there are so many aspects of different deities and traditions that have been lost to time.  When I read about a deity who is barely mentioned in the stories (or maybe who is literally only known as a name), it makes me a bit sad, but also like I want to know more about them.  And I get that the more well known and popular deities are the ones that we still have holidays to honor, but that doesn't mean we can't create holidays to honor other deities that we work with!

Whether you are creating your own holiday from scratch or taking someone else's holiday idea and building upon it, there are a lot of great things you can work into your holiday.  Of course you first have to start with a date, and finding the right day to celebrate on could mean figuring out a date that would fit with any lore that exists, but it could also mean finding a day that feels right (perhaps it involves a specific number or is during a certain season...or maybe you want it near another holiday or at a time of year that doesn't have much going on).

Then you can start to think about what things are done during your holiday.  Foods are a great place to start, perhaps there are dishes that should be served or a style of eating (like having a picnic or all cold foods).  From there you can expand to other decoration ideas, like a color that represents your holiday or decorations that might be hung.

And then you should consider activities.  Are there ritual actions that would fit your holiday?  Perhaps it is a time to tell tales or sing songs or create art.  You might keep it general or you might want to dive in and create a very specific thing you do as part of the celebration (like decorating and hiding eggs or carving pumpkins).

Just remember, the whole point of the celebration is to recognize something, so the things you pick to incorporate into your holiday should all relate to it's central theme.  Those connections might not be obvious, but they should be there.

And finally, decide if your holiday will be a personal one, or one you share.  You can absolutely create private holidays, special days of celebration that are solitary expressions of your path.  This might include days of personal significance (like honoring any initiations you might have gone through), or just private rituals that you do with your deities on specific days.

But you might decide you want to share what you've created with others who might also like to celebrate with you.  In this age of social media, you can easily post your holidays online, or you can host a gathering (you can either explain everything ahead of time or let people know you will elaborate on the purpose of the gathering once they get there).  You could even invite others to help you create some of the aspects of your holiday!

Just remember, if you go back far enough, all holidays were created (and some of the holidays we recognize as Pagans weren't created as long ago as you might think...), so there is nothing wrong with creating the holidays you wish you could celebrate or ones that have personal meaning for you.

Spiritual Fads

Fads and trends have been a part of human life....pretty much since forever.  We have this innate need to fit in, and that means we have a tendency to follow along with whatever is popular.  And while getting in on the latest fad isn't necessarily a bad thing, it can create issues when the fad is...less than great.

The amusing thing is that most of the time fads start by someone doing something new.  It may be a whole new practice, it could be a twist on an old classic or it could be something completely superficial.  Often fads are started by 'influential' people, though this could mean someone with actual power, someone with a solid social media following, or simply someone who is highly charismatic and personable.  But they inspire others to follow what they are doing, and suddenly a fad is born.

I feel like spiritual fads fall into two categories: those within the community and those without (in this context, I'm talking about the spiritual community).  Within the community you might see things like certain pantheons being more popular at different times, or distinct practices that become 'standard'.  Often these fads are influenced by things that are popular in mainstream culture.  So when Vikings became a thing, Norse practices grew and became fads.  

 

When looking at spiritual fads outside the community, you are looking more at things that many people do as spiritual acts that become popular (and accepted) in mainstream culture.  Recently we have seen this with crystals and tarot.  In some cases (like crystals), the object is often stripped of it's spiritual meaning...crystals become just pretty rocks to decorate your house with.  In other cases they are demystified, so tarot cards aren't about tapping into the divine but rather a psychological tool to help you make decisions (and it's totally valid to believe in both the spiritual practice and it's demystified logic).

Spiritual fads that gain popularity outside the community can be great boons.  As more people accept and enjoy things we practice (even in a demystified fashion), things become more available and less demonized.  It not only allows people who are just starting out to try things without having to tumble all the way down the rabbit hole, but it means that their family and friends won't necessarily freak out if they find your supplies.

On the other hand, fads within the community can be really confusing for many people.  Often fads challenge existing traditions (as in the way things are commonly done, not Traditions as in groups of people, although those could also be challenged by fads), and if you don't have experience with your basics you might struggle working with fad practices that either assume you have the basics down or aren't based anything other than UPG (unverified personal gnosis...in other words, personal experience of the person who started the fad).  

The other thing about fads is that, by definition, they fade away.  What is 'in' today might be out tomorrow, and people who continue to practice an outdated fad are often seen as uneducated (often fads are debunked as being fraudulent, not just fading out of popularity).  And I have a real big problem with judging any practice's validity based on how popular it is.

It can be fun to jump on the bandwagon and play with whatever the newest fad is.  And sometimes this leads to great discoveries about your path and your practices.  It can also lead to spending a bunch of money on stuff you will regret in a month or so.  I think the important thing to remember, when thinking about spiritual fads, is to make sure they actually appeal to you.  Try them, test them out, see how they work for you, and if they work, fabulous!  But if you would only be doing something to 'fit in', then perhaps it's worth passing the fad by and sticking with what does work for you.

Journaling as practice

 While it has become quite common for many people to have or use a journal as part of their practice, the act of journaling is often seen as an auxiliary thing.  You write things down as a secondary part of a primary practice.  But the journaling itself isn't seen as spiritual (with the exception of a practice like morning pages, which does embrace journaling as a daily practice).

I have a sort of funny relationship with journals.  I have a TON of them, and I do use them.  I tend to like themed journals, so I have tarot journals, magical journals, book journals, rune journals, study journals and activity journals (like for challenges and what not).  But I also often journal in phases.  I much prefer to journal by hand, but hand writing doesn't work well for me (my handwriting is atrocious, and it hurts me to write for any length of time by hand).

But there is something so very satisfying about grabbing a pen (or a handful, I tend to write in rainbows!) and filling a blank page with words.  I adore looking back through my journals and reading what I was about at different times in my life.  Even reading notes I took while researching a subject tells me a lot about my mindset at the time.

With Art and Junk Journals being quite popular right now, a lot of people are finding that creating beautiful artistic pages in their journals brings them a lot of joy.  I've seen fabulous spreads dedicated to a wide variety of topics, and there are definitely people who turn making these works of art into a spiritual practice.  Finding the right way to decorate a page to represent the information on it is a wonderful way to deepen your understanding (and experience) of a subject, whether it is one you are studying about or something you are reflecting on.

On the other side of the spectrum, Bullet Journals offer a lot of great organizational options, helping you keep all your writings neat and tidy.  And they are highly customizable, so if something doesn't quite work for you, simply change it!

But even if you aren't artistically inclined (or maybe you don't want/have the time to devote to this level of journaling), or you don't want to fuss with all the organization of a proper journal system, you can still use journaling as part of your personal practice.

I've been working with moon cycle journaling for just over eight months now.  The bones of my moon cycle journal practice are simple:  note the moon phase for the day, write an intention, and do one more thing for each phase (typically a card draw or more writing).  For me, taking the time to look up the phase (I use an app on my phone for this), and then think of an intention for each day helps me tune into both my daily life and the larger, natural cycles (that I often struggle to tap into, being very much an indoor person).

This moon cycle journaling led me to Sabbat journaling, and using my journal as a vehicle for observing and honoring the Sabbats.  I've journaled Sabbats (as record keeping) on and off for a few years, but I'll be honest, my actual observance of Sabbats isn't regular.  I try to keep my altar set for the current Sabbat, and to do other little things around my house to honor the shifting of the seasons, but I don't always have big work to do, so doing a full ritual (on my own), often feels off.  Instead, I find that spending some time writing about what the Sabbat means to me is helpful and allows me to honor the thoughts and feelings the Sabbat brings up for me.

Another journal practice I've started is an ancestor journal.  The idea is to have a place where I can write to my ancestors (blood, spirit or otherwise...pretty much anyone who isn't alive anymore).  This sort of encompasses themes from Samhain, Memorial day, Veteran's day, Mother Night and the many other times where we honor our dead.  But I like the idea of a journal that is kind of like letters to the dead, where I can talk to my beloved dead whenever I feel the urge.

And of course we have tarot journals!  I'm one of those people who thinks better in writing, so for me, journaling out a reading is an important part of the reading.  I also find that reading my notes on readings helps me to refine my understanding of specific cards.  I can see how I interpret the same card in different ways depending on the style of reading, the other cards involved, the deck and any other influences I may have experienced.

One thing I'm looking forward to is expanding my tarot journaling to include tarot journaling games, which I've recently become aware of.  I have a couple now that I've picked up, that include prompts that you then answer by drawing cards, but you weave a story in your journal, which I find absolutely fascinating.  And while it may seem to be a bit frivolous, I'm one of those people who learns best through play, so any way to play with my cards is a way to get to know them better.

I feel like one of the best things about journaling as a practice is it is something that you can do pretty much anywhere, with no one the wiser about what you are doing.  Which makes it great for travel or doing work when around non-witchy folks.  You can use your journal as a visualization tool, writing out what you are visualizing as you 'do' it (which means you don't need to have your tools or supplies with you, you can simply write out what you are doing and with what).  The brilliant thing about this is you can easily dip into guided meditations as well, where you note down the prompts, but then write out your responses.

In this digital age, of course you could also do some or all of your journaling online.  And you could absolutely make parts of it public (especially if you have other witchy friends who might want to journal along with you!), but I think there is something special about having words that are only for yourself, and journaling often fits that need.

So no matter how you do it, journaling can be a main part of your practice, not simply a way you make note of the other things you do.  Find new ways to entwine your practice and your journal, and you might be surprised at how robust a journaling practice feels!