This book wasn't exactly what I thought
it was going to be, and yet it was captivating in it's own way. From
the description, I expected more of a look at polygamy and how it
worked. Instead, this book shows a darker side: what happens when a
polygamous relationship isn't built on honesty and trust.
Honey in the River reads in many ways
like a soap opera. There is a lot of drama and heartbreak. Marsha
opens herself up and shares all the highs and lows she went through
during this time. I definitely found myself both wishing for things
to work out for her and shaking my head at the things she and the
other people involved were doing.
One thing that I think she does an
excellent job of portraying is that the blame doesn't all fall with
the other person. Marsha lays blame where it should fall, and takes
up her own faults as well. At the beginning she wasn't as aware of
this, but by the end of the tale, she definitely is owning her own
actions and choices and realizing that she was just as culpable as he
was. But at the same time, she was firm in stating, both to herself
and others, that he was to blame as well.
I also think she did a good job showing
how Oba (the man she was involved with) convinced himself that what
he was doing was okay, and how he may not have been fully aware that
he was being hurtful. My perception of Oba is that he had many child
like mental qualities and was seeing the world from his own
self-appointed victim status.
While I definitely don't think that the
majority of spiritual figures are like this, there have been enough
news stories about charismatic leaders who led their flock astray
that I think this book offers a powerful warning. It shows the ways
in which someone can be both very alluring and utterly deceitful at
the same time. It also shows how easy it is to fall back into the
same rhythms, even when you may know that what happened in the past
wasn't desirable.
I also really enjoyed the stories
Marsha told of the Orishas. There are myths sprinkled throughout the
books, stories told about the Orishas that speak to what is going on
in her life. And even more than that, both Oba and Marsha talk about
the influence the Orishas have in their lives, and how they may be
feeling and acting upon those influences. I found this to be a very
lovely example of how to integrate spirituality into your everyday
life.
But even here, there are warning signs
to look for. Oba used the Orishas as excuses for several different
things, including cheating behind his legal wife's back. He also
used his cultural origins as further reasons why it was all right for
him to do the things he did. Both excuses are, in my opinion,
perversions of what they should be. I fully support embracing your
culture and your spirituality, but I think that when you try to use
these things to trick or coerce others into doing what you want, you
are disgracing both yourself and your traditions and culture.
Ultimately, Honey in the River was a
fantastic read, a very moving story, and a great teaching story, both
about Ifa and about the potential dangers that can be found even in
spiritual circles. I have quite a few highlighted passages about the
Orishas and about other spiritual thoughts. I think I'll finish up
with a quote that I think is both great and also sums up the theme of
the book quite nicely: “Needing to be happy all the time is
addiction. We need to be present with difficult emotions as well as
joy. Otherwise, the joy is false.”
