Queer deities

 Throughout Pride, we talk about representation and belonging.  Mostly we talk about this in terms of media and general culture, in how everyone wants to see people they can identify with in mainstream media and about how they want to feel like they belong.  This holds true in our spiritual life as well.

The good news is that, as a Pagan, there are lots of options for queer deities that you can work with...or not (as of course you don't have to only worship deities that are exactly like you).  The gender identity and sexual orientations of many Pagan deities are just as varied and complex as our own...and that means they can be quite complicated at times!

But what I think the important point here is that we can look at our mythologies and our pantheons and we can see representations of qualities that often make us feel 'othered'.  And the queer deities aren't villainized or ostracized for their queerness (though they can be the villains of the story...for other reasons).

Something I find particularly wonderful about queer deities is that they aren't restricted to queer worshipers, and that means that all kinds of people can interact with and venerate them...and that leads to more acceptance of people like them that you might meet in your daily interactions.

But I also feel it gives people deities they can reach out to or work with that will understand (on a personal level) many of the things they are going through.  It's like the difference between talking to someone who shares your experiences and can empathize with you versus someone who can only sympathize with you.  Sometimes you just want someone who's gone through it.

One thing that I think we do have to be aware of, is that sometimes deities get 'normalized' as the stories get translated (especially any story that is being told to children).  It reminds me a little of the way in which historical romances are remembered as 'close friends'...even if they lived together, shared a bed and sometimes raised children together! As we read up on deities, we can look for the places in which the stories might have been edited to satisfy more 'traditional' sensibilities.

Another thing to keep in mind is that many people have UPG (unverified personal gnosis...aka personal experiences that aren't backed by historical records) which lead them to related to specific deities as queer deities (or to consider a deity queer even if there is no evidence of it in the myths).  There are many deities that we don't know much about, so their gender and sexual identities aren't known.  And if you work with them, and they reveal their preferences to you, that's completely valid!  ((note:  it is also completely valid if someone works with a deity you work with, and you don't agree on their gender/sexual identity...remember, deities can be like people and they can show different aspects of themselves to different people....they are also unlike people in that they can hold different aspects that may at first seem contradictory))

I am also of the believe that our deities are not static...that they can grow and change.  So just because a deity was historically represented in a certain way doesn't mean that they might not have changed in light of more modern understanding (especially if they were in their prime during a more restrictive time).

There are so many deities out there, and being able to see ourselves in some of them is SO important.  Seeing queer deities as a part of a pantheon demonstrates how we can all live together, in harmony.  Working with deities that are both the same and different from you helps create bonds that reach beyond our similarities and help us to embrace people who walk a slightly different path.  And these are all things that make us, as a Pagan community and as a part of the greater human race, that much stronger.

Find your Joy

 I think Joy is something we don't seek out enough as adults.  We are so caught up in responsibility in our social roles and with the daily grind that we loose track of the things that really make our heart sing.  We put pleasure last, and duty first, and while that seems right on paper, it can leave us depleted and hollow feeling.

Part of self-care is balancing all the things you need for life, and I absolutely feel joy needs to be on that list.  We need to have things that delight us to balance out all the hard stuff we have to do.  Joy fills our tanks in a way that other things don't.  Joy gives us motivation to do the hard stuff (so that we have time to do the things that bring us joy).

But we can't wait around until we have free time to seek our Joy, we have to carve time out for it.  Litha is a perfect time to not only consider what brings us joy but also to schedule time for it.  At this time of year, we are called to remember those bright days of endless summer, when school is out and our days are our own again.

Finding Joy may take some work.  We are conditioned to think that things that are joyful are worthless or trivial.  Sometimes, we find joy in activities that aren't deemed appropriate for adults (whatever that means).  But true joy shouldn't be qualified, and if something makes your heart sing, you should acknowledge it without shame!

There are a ton of things that bring me joy that many other adults don't understand (but plenty of others share my joy).  I love video games, RPG's, trashy romance novels, coloring, making stuff with my hands, playing with cats and just laying around daydreaming.  

The thing about joy is it doesn't always take a long time to tap into.  And a few moments of really leaning into that joyful activity can give you a boost that will make the rest of your day much more productive.  When we don't have joy in our lives, we tend to go through the motions of activities we participate in, and that isn't nearly as effective as when we give it our all.

I think one of the key steps to finding your joy is to first toss out all the judgements you have about an activity.  Every snide comment you've ever heard, every distasteful look, every secret shame you've felt.  Focus instead on what makes you happy.  Think back and remember times where you just had fun, where all your worries seemed to disappear.  You may have to think back to childhood, and that's perfectly okay!

You may also find that the things that bring you joy change over your lifetime.  Some things that you loved as a child might still bring you joy but others might not seem as shiny now.  That's natural, and it's also true that things you might not have liked when you were younger are a delight to you now.

If you are stuck while thinking about things that bring you joy, try thinking about other people.  What have you seen other people doing that looked interesting.  This could be real people (friends, family, coworkers), or it could be fictional people (people in movies, books or shows).  

Joy doesn't also have to be based on first hand experience.  Sometimes we enjoy things we can't do (or can't do right now), but experiencing them second hand still brings us joy.  I might not be able to fly, but reading about someone flying can be delightful (not watching so much for me...motion sickness and all, but reading about it lets me experience it vicariously without any of the negative side effects).

So, whether you celebrate Litha or not, it's definitely worth spending some time seeking out things that bring more joy to your life.  Create a list of things that you find enjoyable, and when you are feeling worn out or frustrated, consult your list and find something on it you can do for a bit.  You may just find that regular infusions of joy can really shift your perspective and help brighten up your days!

Altering Archetypes

 As Pagans, we tend to be pretty familiar with archetypes.  We have them for...well everything LOL.  But sometimes, the archetypes we work with aren't in alignment with our own truth.  Or, they feel somewhat outdated, as if they were how previous generations interpreted an archetype and we are left with something that doesn't fit our modern understanding of things.

I've always had a bit of frustration with the male archetypes.  The female archetypes feel pretty well rounded:  maiden, mother and crone.  I feel like they speak to phases of life more than vocation (though of course mother is a sticking point for many people, myself included).  And while the basic trinity has been expanded or adapted a lot, it remains a core way of thinking for a lot of people.

I feel like the male trinity (warrior, father, sage) isn't nearly as solid and is much more outdated.  Specifically, I think that the role of Father has changed so much over the years as our family dynamic, interpersonal relationships and just way of thinking about masculinity has changed.

When we talk of the role of fatherhood, things that almost always come up are being a provider (putting food on the table, bringing home the paycheck, keeping a roof over everyone's heads), being a disciplinarian ('just wait till your father gets home!') and being able of doing all the hard labor stuff (yard work, car work, home repairs).  The thing that gets me about this is most of those things have nothing to do with being a father!  They are just bits of our gender roles that have latched them onto 'adult males' and just like many people think the goal of a woman's life is to be a mother, we have bundled all these traits onto being a father, when many of them aren't nearly as tied to the role of father as they might have been in other times.

There are many ways to think about the term archetype.  I tend to think of it as the 'perfect' ideal of a concept.  I always think of the chair example.  The archetype of a chair holds all the basic bits we think about that define something as a chair (typically that it has something you sit on and puts you up off the floor, and it's for one person).  When we talk about a chair, most people have a basic idea that comes into their mind, and even if the specific chair we are talking about doesn't really resemble the idea in our head, we still recognize the 'chairness' of the thing we are discussing (especially true for some modern interpretations of chairs that may break any or all of those rules...yet we still acknowledge them as a chair).

For some reason, when it comes to an archetype like fatherhood, we loose the ability to separate specific traits from the idea of fatherhood (as an archetype).  If you think about traditional family roles, the traits we link to fathers are ones that the father was expected to fulfill.  The problem is that we've changed how we view families, and now we have a much broader definition, and that also changed the roles that the father plays in the family.

I want to think a bit about the concept of mothering for a minute though.  Many people (Pagans especially, since we talk about the maiden/mother/crone trinity so often) have adapted their definition of mother to include other creative nurturing.  Being in the Mother phase doesn't necessarily mean you have actual children.  I think many people have also come to accept that being a literal mother doesn't mean you automatically are a nurturing person (or that you are naturally inclined to take care of all children you encounter)

And yet, for some reason, I feel like our adaptation of the archetype of Fatherhood is still lagging behind.  It's like a lot of people don't know how to break free from these old ideas, even though they may know quite a few people personally who break traditional roles of fatherhood and recognize them as amazing fathers!  

With Father's day just around the corner, I think it's important to spend some time thinking about what you think about the archetype of the father, and what it means to be a father.  Look at the fathers you know, both your own and other people's and consider what you feel makes them a father.  Twist it up in your head a bit and think about what the role of fatherhood is in people who don't have biological children (in the same light as how the Mother phase of life is seen for women).

And if you have fathers in your life (again, both your own and fathers you know), perhaps consider letting them know they are doing a good job, even if they aren't matching the traditional image of a father.  Especially around Father's day, when media and everything else is reinforcing those traditional values...recognize the other parts of the archetype that you think should be more strongly associated with fatherhood.  It's only through continual linking of the qualities we admire in fathers that we will change how people view the archetype!

Your path is private

 We live in an age of sharing and public announcements about...everything.  So many people are posting their entire life online, and this has spilled over into our spiritual lives as well.  It's quite fashionable to post your altar pics, spells/workings, tarot spreads and everything else online for everyone to read.

And while I'm okay with anyone who wants to and chooses to do this, what I'm not okay with is any kind of pressure to share things that someone isn't comfortable sharing.  Whether someone is bugging you for details about a spell you cast or asking you to read their cards or wanting to hear about your interactions with any deities or other beings you work with...your path is private!

This means that you get to decide what and how you share anything regarding your path.  If you are out and want to post pictures of everything you do, go for it!  I adore seeing pictures or reading about other people's paths and practices.  It's super inspiring to see how people do stuff, and I've learned a ton from just being exposed to a million ideas that I might have never known about if people hadn't shared what they did.

But I also fully support everyone who chooses to not share specific things...or anything at all.  Some people aren't in a safe place to share stuff (especially in a public forum like social media).  Some parts of our practice are intensely personal and not the kind of thing for public sharing (and some things are so private you may never tell anyone about it, and that's fine too!)  And sometimes, things are just embarrassing, and maybe we don't want the whole world knowing that we spilled candle wax all over our carpet or how spectacularly wrong our prosperity spell went.  

I do want to speak a tiny bit about social perception though.  Sometimes, we may want to share something (like an altar picture or some spellwork we've done), but we stop ourselves because we have seen all the gorgeous pictures or perfect descriptions online and we don't feel worthy.  If the only thing that is holding you back is a feeling of being 'not good enough', then that is an opportunity to do some inner work and to remember that many people only post the absolutely perfect stuff online (and spend hours to set everything up), and we are all walking our own path, and if yours works for you, then it is perfect and if you want to share you should!

But, if you are only sharing something because other people are demanding that you do, and you don't really feel comfortable putting that part of you online, for any reason (even the above mentioned feelings of self-worth...only you know if sharing something will hurt more than it will help), then don't let other people pressure you into doing it!

I'm a pretty open person.  I'm blessed to have supportive family and friends and to be in a position where I'm not overly worried about my personal business effecting my life in a negative way.  And there are still things I don't share.  There are parts of my practice that I consider secret...they are between me and my gods and it's just something I don't talk about.  And honestly, some of the things I don't share are definitely due to self-esteem issues (video is my kryptonite, it has to be very important or the only way to share something for me to put myself on video lol), despite me knowing that no one else will ever judge me as harshly as I judge myself.

One thing to remember is that sharing doesn't have to be complete.  It is perfectly fine to draw your lines wherever you need to.  It's okay to explain the gist of a practice...while leaving out all the specifics which make it personal or private.  It's okay to edit things off your altar (or blur them out of a picture) before you share it.  Kind of like the concept of 'no is a complete sentence' comes the idea that 'private is all I have to say about that'.  You don't need to justify why it's private or explain why you don't want to talk about something...just say it's private.

A final note:  I am talking mostly about private practice.  If you are doing group work or working with a coven, you may be expected to share some things within that group...and likewise expected to keep some information secret within that group.  Make sure you are aware and comfortable with all levels of sharing and secrecy when you join a group...and if you ever get uncomfortable with what you are required to share (or keep secret), that group might not be the best on for you.

We can feel a lot of pressure to share things, either from specific people who are asking very personal questions or just the general culture of posting everything online that makes you feel like you aren't a 'real' whatever because you aren't posting a log of everything you do in your practice.  But setting boundaries on what you share publicly and what you keep private is a very healthy thing to do.  It may take some work to get those boundaries in place, but just remember...your path is private, and you don't owe anyone access to it!

Indoor summer

 Summer is traditionally an outdoor time.  In days past, the heat of summer time made inside quite warm, and it made sense to spend more time outside, enjoying the fresh air and nice weather.  In our modern times, with air conditioning and less natural spaces (for many people living in cities), it can be a struggle to embrace that outdoor energy of summer.

Not only have we made inside more comfortable, but in many ways outside is less accessible for many people.  We have work that needs done, and often isn't compatible with being outside (whether you just have too much stuff to work outside, can't find good outlets/wifi, or there isn't a good place for you to go).  We may live in a place where there aren't good outside spaces, or those spaces are crowded or dirty (with human trash, not actual dirt LOL).

I'm definitely an indoor person.  My personal bane is insects.  I get bit...a lot...and I react poorly to many bites (nothing serious thankfully, I don't need an epi-pen or anything, but I definitely get welts and they bother me for days).  Plus, almost everything I do is on my computer, which is not portable (yep, I'm on a desktop....not something to lug around).

And sometimes that makes it hard to really feel in tune with what is going on outside my windows.  Inside, everything tends to be homogeneous....it's pretty much the same all year round.  Which actually makes it strange to step outside and realize that it's hotter than I thought it would be.

But just because you can't be outside a lot during the summer, doesn't mean you can't embrace that summer energy.  A lot of people decorate their houses for holidays, but adding in some seasonal (as in the seasons) decorations can go a long way to bringing that outdoor energy inside.

One of the simple options is flowers, whether you are going outside and wild gathering whatever is growing nearby, buying flowers from the shop (many grocery stores sell flowers now, so you don't even always have to make a special trip), or if you invest in some nice fake flowers (especially if you suffer from allergies..or have pets that like to eat them, like our kitties).  But those bright pops of color really remind you of the blossoming of nature outside.

Along those same lines, you can also use fresh produce to bring that summertime energy inside.  A lot of produce is in it's prime during the summer, and you can double up on your usage of it by creating a simple display (find a nice bowl or big clear jar to store things in on your table).  Many produce items store best at room temperature, so check to see what you can leave out (it's great for when you buy things that are a little under ripe), and then make it look nice!

Even just trying to work in more fresh and light foods can be a way to absorb the summer energy.  You don't have to eat only salads, but you might find that some sliced veggies or fruit feel more refreshing than cooked (or frozen or fresh), especially if you do have to go outside in the heat at some point.

Of course, you will want to make sure you are drinking plenty of water, and a fun way to spruce up your water is to infuse it with fresh herbs (like mint), or add in some berries or cucumber.  Play around with it, and see what combinations you enjoy!  Even if you are staying indoors, fancying up your water like this makes it feel like a vacation (which many of us associate with summer).

I love window clings as another way to change the energy in your home.  Finding some with bright flowers or butterflies or other summer images can really brighten up your space.  Along those same lines, if you spend a lot of time on your electronic devices (like I do), changing your backdrops (and lock screens) to something bright and summery gives you that little boost every time you look at your device.

Whether or not you spend a lot of time outside in the summer, you can bring that summer energy inside with you.  You may find, as I do, that when you do, you feel more energized and more in tune with the season...even if you rarely go outside.