Figuring out your spiritual needs

 

 One of the things I've always loved about Paganism is how much of it is very much 'choose your own.'  Sure, if you join a group or pursue degrees in an organization, there may be structure, but in our personal practice, there are no hard and fast rules or really anyone to tell us that we should (or should not) be practicing a particular way.

And in fact, this can be a struggle for a lot of people, both new and more experienced.  It's hard, because you kind of have to figure it out yourself, there is no guidebook to turn to when you have a question about how often to do a thing or whether one method is 'better' than another.  It definitely takes some getting used to, that every part of your practice is ultimately up to you.

I also think it complicates things that many resources out there suggest a way of doing things, but don't make it clear that it is JUST a suggestion!  I've read so many books that will introduce a practice, like meditation or reading tarot, and they will give suggestions on how often to do something, but not give a lot of options for if that one way doesn't quite work for you.

Meditation is a great example.  A ton of sources recommend meditating daily, often for between 10-30 minutes.  And for some people, that works great!  For others, it's too long, or too frequent.  Maybe you just don't have that much free time (and you don't want to spend what time you do have meditating!), or maybe you tried it and sitting for 30 minutes a day was just too much for your body.  

 

One saying I absolutely adore suggests that doing a thing at all is better than not doing it (often applied to difficult tasks, where we may not be able to do them perfectly or even completely, but doing a little is still better than not doing it at all).  In the case of meditation, if 30 minutes a day doesn't work for you, but you enjoy doing 30 minutes once a week on the weekend...do that!

Many people like to have a framework to start from, and books are great for that.  It used to be that Pagan books told you how to do things (as in they explained how to cast spells, how rituals were structured, how to ground), but didn't often suggest a plan for actually doing all the stuff.  However, in recent years, more books have come out with a plan, whether it is a way to build up practices or a full year of daily activities.

If those kind of things appeal to you, find one that seems enticing and give it a try!  I haven't seen a suggested plan yet that I feel I would be worse off for having tried it, even if it didn't work for my life.  So you really aren't out anything by giving things a go, and you might find that even if the whole plan doesn't work for you, bits of it do (and you can always keep the parts that work for you and let go of the rest!).

I think that having a rough idea of what you want your path to look like can help, so it may be useful to sit down and brainstorm about what spirituality means to you.  Are you looking for something with more structure, or do you need freedom to follow your whims?  Do you want daily practices that you can build on, or would you rather stick to bigger observations throughout the year (or both!)  How close of a relationship do you want with deities...or do you even want to work with any?  Do you want to work alone, with others or a combination?

These are a few, broad questions to start with, but anytime you learn something new, you can ask yourself how you see that fitting into your practice.  It might be that you want to start off learning a little bit about a bunch of different topics, just to see what interests you the most, or maybe you already have something you really want to dive deep into, and you can start planning out how you want to approach that study.

I feel like one thing to always keep in mind is that you are absolutely free to change your mind (and your practice!) at any given time.  You may have tried some things out, and realize that it's too much or not enough for your needs.  Adjusting how much time and energy you devote to this aspect of your practice can make it fit better with your life.  And remember, we are constantly changing, so our needs might change too...a practice that fits you now, might need adjusting in a few months, or even after decades of doing things a particular way.

 

Wherever you are on your path, spending some time to check in and see if your spiritual needs are being met (and are meshing with the rest of your life), can be a very helpful way to make sure you are living the best Pagan/witchy life you can.  And just taking a moment to think about whether you are doing enough, or too much, of anything can be a helpful starting point in figuring out just where that sweet spot is for you.  You may be surprised to find out that things that you thought were 'just fine' could actually use a little tweaking!

Brainstorming work

 

One of the things that I think takes the longest to get comfortable with is creating your own spells and rituals (or any practice really).  As much as I feel like Paganism embraces individualized and personalized practice, most books only go into the bare bones on how to build a working from the ground up, and many 101 books don't really talk about doing your own thing at all.  They just include a handful of premade spells and rituals, and often those don't really fit (because we are all individual, and we might live in a different country or time period from where the spell originated, which also makes things complicated).

 

I've always been a big fan of making your own spells (and for ease of wording, I'm going to say spells for the rest of this post, even though the same process can be used to build any spiritual working, from rituals to protections to Sabbats!), or at the very least tweaking the bits that don't work in spells you find out in the wild.  In my very early days I did work with spells straight out of books, and while it has a certain comfort level (because it's very easy to doubt your own capabilities), it was always like wearing hand-me-down clothes....they feel like they don't quite fit most of the time.

 

But writing your own spells can feel daunting, and for many people even figuring out where to start is an issue.  It's one of those weird things that feels like it should be talked about everywhere, and yet it's not, and when it is talked about, it's in a very bare bones kinda way (I mean even this blog post won't be as complete an explanation as might be wanted, but it's more extensive than a lot of the 'how to write your own spells' sections we see in books). 

The start is always the why...why are you doing a spell.  Note, I don't start with what you want to seek, because I feel like the why is always more important than the what.  The why will lead to the what (and sometimes, as you explore the why, you discover that you are actually needing to work towards a different what than you thought you did!)

So start by asking yourself why, and really dig in here.  If you wanted to make a spell to get a job, why are you looking for a job (do you want money, more excitement in your life, a chance to do something creative, or are you just bored).  Notice, that all of those things could be reasons to find a job...but many of them lead to very different types of jobs.  Knowing the why of your spell will help inform every step of the process!

Sometimes the why will be straightforward, like if you have a friend who is sick and you want to do something to help them heal.  You care about your friend and you want them better, that is your why.  But sometimes the why is more elusive, like if you want to loose weight, your why might be that you want to be healthier, but it might also include wanting to look better (and feel sexier or more confidant) and that you want to be able to play soccer without feeling winded immediately.  You don't have to pick just one why, in fact exploring the many reasons behind your spell can help you create a much more inclusive working!

If you are struggling with understanding your why, it can be helpful to get outside advice.  This might mean turning to your favorite divination method, and spending some time journaling out your whys, or it might mean asking a trusted friend or loved one for their input.  Just remember, if you are talking to other people, that you want to not only ask someone who you trust (and who knows you), but also someone who isn't going to try to talk you out of doing your work (sometimes you can get advice on your why without explaining what specifically you are planning on doing, so take our job example, you might ask a friend what type of job they think you would enjoy without telling them you are planning on doing a spell for it).

Once you have your why, you can start to think about the main shape your spell will take.  There are tons of types of spells out there, from candle spells to jar spells to bag spells or simple fire and forget spells.  This is one place where reading examples (especially examples that are similar to what you are planning, so if you are wanting to heal a friend, looking at a selection of healing spells can give you a sense of what other people have found works, and that is a great place to start!).  You might also just like one method over another, and prefer to use it, and that's perfectly fine too!

Almost every spell includes correspondences of some sort, whether they are physical items, representations or simply words to be called upon.  This is where your whys really come into play.  You will want something to represent all of your whys, so if I am wanting to loose weight (to be healthy, to look sexy and to be able to enjoy soccer more), then I should have at least one thing to represent each of my whys.

I sometimes think of deities as a way to include more correspondences.  I have a pretty wide group of deities I work with, so I have a lot of choices for deities that will fit my spell.  And sometimes you can work with multiple deities for the same spell, though this can often require more planning (and some deities just don't work well together, so understanding how they interrelate is important too).  You don't have to call on a deity for your spells, and some people have a patron deity that functions like a catch-all for them, when it comes to calling on deities in a spell.

I also want to note that spell creation isn't necessarily something that needs to be done all at once, in one sitting or quickly.  It can be, and learning to create on the fly is somewhat of a different skill, but for the purposes of this blog post, don't feel like you need to rush the process.  Sometimes, I will let an idea stew in my head, and that helps me come up with connections and ideas that I might have otherwise missed.  If you are planning your spell like this, having a notebook or some spot to jot down your ideas and thoughts as they come can be really helpful!

And, your actual 'spell work' doesn't have to be done in one setting either.  Sometimes, we ritualize the prep, especially if you are making any kind of herbal blend, poppet, totem or amulet/talisman (which might need to be prepared ahead of time).  Your spell might also extend into the future (like when you burn a 7 day candle for a spell), or have reactivation activities (like shaking a jar spell when it needs a boost or charging a ward every full moon).  

With any spell work, I think it's important to not pressure yourself too much over the results.  You aren't a bad witch/Pagan if you do a spell and it doesn't work out.  It's not even necessarily that the spell didn't work...sometimes our spells are like trying to hold back the push of the ocean with just your hands....you might not have enough force to create the change you are working towards.  But every spell you do (especially those you create) help you become better at them in the future!

One thing that I think can be important (but often overlooked) when talking about spell creation is reflecting on, and adjusting, the spell after the fact.  Especially for something (like a healing spell) that you might want to use again in the future, taking the time to think about (and make some notes on) what went well and what didn't go as well as you would have liked, along with how the spell felt as you did it and the results afterward...these all help to let you refine the spell for future use.

 

Creating your own spells isn't as hard as it first seems, and the benefits are countless.  Not only does it give you the ability to tailor your spells to your exact needs, but it also gives you complete control over what you use to do your spell, what deities (if any) you choose to work with, and how complicated or simple you prefer your work to be.  I highly recommend anyone who hasn't made their own spells give it a try...it's not as scary as it sounds!

Balancing your practice

There is an old saying, "The witch who can not hex, can not heal."  And I think it's such a great example of the balance that we need in our lives, and our practices.  I also think it's interesting to note that it doesn't say that you SHOULD hex anyone, just that if you don't know how that hinders your ability to heal.  

Look, I'm not saying that in order to have a healthy spiritual practice that you need to delve into all the horrible things that are out there in the world (because we know that people do horrible things, often in the name of spirituality), but I am saying that if you refuse to see the darkness that is present in yourself and in your practice that you are keeping the blinders on and you can't be fully formed if you refuse to see all that there is to see.

All things in life have two sides, and much like a coin, there is no line separating the two....it is one coin, all that changes is your perspective...both sides are a part of the whole.  In every horrible thing, there is some spark of light, and in every wonderful thing there is some potential for badness.  It is by recognizing and accepting that bit that we can truly embrace the whole.

For most of us, shadow practice fills this role in our path.  It is a way we can work with the darker parts of ourselves..in a way that allows us to maintain our boundaries and remain in control of our actions.  But I also feel that doing shadow work on ourselves helps us to see those broken bits in other people...and to have compassion and understanding when dealing with behavior that is less than ideal.

It sucks, but sometimes we have to be the bigger person, and part of that is recognizing when someone is acting from a place of hurt.  It doesn't mean we have to accept their actions, but it definitely helps us balance our own mental health when we can see that the behavior isn't always intended, but sometimes a reaction to something else.  If we never look inside and seek out those broken bits of ourselves, we can't see them in other people either.

One of the things I've always loved about Paganism is that there is a place for the dark and the light in it.  We work with the cycle of the year, and with nature, and both have a time for growth...and a time for death.  There is darkness, harshness and pain in the natural world, but there is also light and joy and wonder.  Even our deities often have both good and bad sides to them, embracing both the positive and negative aspects of themselves.  And having complicated deities like this allows us to better accept that complexity in ourselves...because if even the Gods have dark sides, then ours don't make us bad people....just people.

When it comes to working with both the light and dark in your practice, I definitely think that turning to nature is very helpful.  We can look at the world and see how the things that we might have turned away from initially just fit.  Death, violence, fear...these things all have a place in the natural world.  Death creates change, which combats stagnation, and makes room for new growth.  Violence can be used for aggression, but also for defense, and among animals can help maintain social order and weed out those who can't work with the group.  Fear can be a tool to avoid violence or a way to encourage survival (animals often fear dangerous things like fire).

On a more personal level, learning to be grateful for things that are sometimes seen as negatives can help bring a more balanced perspective to your path.  When I do gratitude work, I am not always grateful for only things that are traditionally 'good'.   I am grateful for the bright spots in my life, but I am also grateful for the darkness.  At the start, I was mostly grateful for the ways my negative traits could benefit me (like I am pretty stubborn, and that means that once I get my head set on a thing, I'll work until it's done), but I have learned to be grateful for even the most rough parts of myself...simply because they are part of me.  I have a lot of mental struggles, but even though my life would be much easier without them...I wouldn't be me, so I am grateful for those hard parts of my self, and how they fit with the rest of me.

One thing to remember, is that balance doesn't mean equal.  You can find balance in all kinds of ways.  Balance might mean working the whole of a cycle, releasing or banishing something, then building up something new.  It might mean doing work to fight back against people who are trying to take advantage of you (especially if they are counting on the fact that they think you won't fight back).  It might mean forgiving yourself for allowing bad behavior towards you while reinforcing your boundaries so that it doesn't happen in the future.  It might mean cutting out people who refuse to accept their own darkness (because we aren't responsible for other people's work, only our own boundaries).

The world is full of both darkness and light, and without either one it would be a much worse place.  Finding a place for both the good and the bad (and sometimes the ugly) in our practice is one more way to embrace all that life has to offer.  Accepting the easy and hard parts of ourselves gives us the room to grow and become the amazing, incredible person we are meant to be and it also grants us the ability to see the complexity in other people and to accept them without compromising ourselves.  It is well worth it to explore what balance means to you, and to work that into your practice.  Because if your practice doesn't reflect all of you, and if you aren't whole inside....how can it meet all your needs?

Modern spell ingredients

 

 There is this concept, in many magical circles, that man-made stuff isn't suitable for magic.  If you consider most correspondence lists, or spells/rituals that have been published, the stuff you need is almost always natural.  And personally, I find this to be a silly restriction to limit yourself with!

I think that when we consider the history of witchcraft, we are talking about a practice that flourished among the common people...in that it wasn't something that required fancy schooling, expensive stuff or anything like that.  And I think that's why so many magical workings use natural ingredients (and if you look into it, they used local ingredients)...because they were there, relatively easy for anyone to get...and free.

Today, we are in the almost opposite situation.  Many witchy folks don't live near large natural places, where they can harvest whatever they may want or need.  In fact, many of us probably didn't know that much about different plants and animals...until we became Pagan and started learning.  It's just not an everyday thing for us now.

Instead, what we have familiarity with is man-made things.  We know what they are used for, and sometimes we understand how they function better than we understand the natural world.  But we still turn our nose up at using modern and man-made things, as if they can't hold magic.  

What makes this extra strange, is there are some things that have managed to escape being put into the 'non-magical' box.  We embrace the magical nature of candles, of bottles/boxes, of blades and chalices, of mass printed tarot cards or machine tooled stones.  And if you think about it, these are all things that were the 'technology' of our ancestors.  They embraced new things that people made, and they used what they had at hand.

So what does this mean for us?  Well, my personal opinion is that we should do the same...we should look at the world around us, at the stuff we already use every day, and take inspiration for our magic from there!

First, let's think about some of the man-made stuff we already accept as magical.  Let's talk candles.  While we often use candles as a representation of fire, they were also a light source.  Using a candle for a spell meant you could see (especially when you remember that a lot of old magic suggests doing things at night...and without modern lighting, that would make it pretty dark, especially if the moon wasn't present.  Using modern lighting, instead of candles, isn't that far of a leap to make, and we have so many really cool lighting options now that make it even more of a customizable tool for magic!

Keys are another thing that we have accepted as magical, but again, when you talk about keys (in magical terms), the mental image is almost always of the old, skeleton key style.  And while those have their charm, modern keys give us a lot of different options.  We can use car keys for things involving movement, house keys for protection, padlock keys (or padlocks!) for security or secrecy.  We could use a key blank as a universal opener.  We can even get a bit creative with non-physical 'keys'....with our passwords!  Give them a magical twist to enhance your personal security...or to enchant whatever the password unlocks (want your bank account to be more prosperous....work that into your password!)  A nice side-effect of this is often our magical words are not easy to guess (so harder to hack)!

A lot of spells include paper, and we often see specific types of paper requested, whether it is handmade or brown paper.  But we have paper all around us!  We could use magazine pages (pick the page based on your intent), old bills (for work associated with the bill), printed pages (the sky is the limit, find pictures that fit or type out some train of thought about the topic...you can also print over stuff, so you can layer multiple things on the same page).  These are especially great for doing dream boards or wish work...collect images that feed your goals!

I personally find toys to be a wonderful source of inspiration.  Often they come in a huge range of shapes and sizes, many times they move (so you can position them in the way that works best for you).  And many toys come built in with meaning (correspondences!) that may reach back into our childhood.  Think about it...we weren't raised on fairy tales or legends, we were raised on cartoons and tv shows...so those characters are going to have deep rooted meaning for us.  Why not tap into that, and use symbols that resonate with your inner child.

I know that many people love having their magic stuff feel magical, and that it being a bit anachronistic makes it feel more special (because it's NOT stuff we use everyday).  There is absolutely nothing wrong with building your practice like this....IF it's what speaks to you.  But if you struggle with finding herbs or stones, why not try looking towards modern stuff?  See if it will also work for you.  Because sometimes, working with what is always at hand makes things feel more magical...since now everything in your life can be infused with magic!

Books of shadows

 

 Welcome to my library...or at least part of it.  I am a book lover and a writer, and of course I have a million books that make up my 'book of shadows' (honestly, this isn't even all of them).  When we talk about a Book of Shadows, it is often described as being a huge tome, handmade with an ornate cover, with illustrated and beautiful pages, holding all the information one has collected as they walk their path.

But as you can see, for some of us, one book just won't do!  Not only is it simply not big enough, but it may not have the organization you want (or need!).  And a fancy book of shadows probably isn't something that the average person would have had (even the big coven BOS' were probably quite plain on the outside).  Of course, we live in a time now where we are free to have beautiful and fancy books to write whatever we want in, so if you like that kinda thing, have at it!  I have a few really lovely and unique books in my selection...though as you can see, quite a lot are very simple or basic.

My first BOS was a three ring binder.  This binder....which was really just my favorite binder from school.  It has pockets (which is really handy for all those odd shaped papers that I like to keep in them).  But most importantly, it has tabs and three rings!  It let me move stuff around as often as I wanted, and in the beginning, that was priceless.  It also let me easily remove and add pages...at any point!

In my early days, I remember reading all about the Book of Shadows, and how it had a counterpoint, the Book of Light.  If the BOS was dedicated to the nitty gritty "stuff you do" then the BOL was all about inspiration:  poetry and stories that delighted you.  I think of it as something to turn to when you need a bit of spiritual uplifting.  I have a few books where I keep particularly moving poetry (one for poems I write myself, and one for others I find).  I even have a wishes book, which is basically a paper version of a pinterest dream board!  I have a bunch of pictures I cut out of magazines or printed out, and it's just all pretty witchy stuff that makes me happy to look at.

From there, my books just started expanding.  I made a little one (so it was portable!) for a Correspondence book, and I also made a travel BOS (which is a cute little leather bound book that I kept my most basic and most well used stuff in..for when I was away from home, but still wanted something!).

I have a dream book, though I struggle to use that.  I used to dream every night, but only remembered my dreams for a short time upon waking.  The problem was, that I really hated the process of writing it down.  As soon as I started, it was like the process of writing made the fragments of dream flee even further.  I think this is part of the process of figuring out which kinds of books you might want for your practice...sometimes they just don't work out!

Another type of book I kept early on (but don't use as much now) is a working record book.  I would record the spells and rituals I did, how they went and how things turned out (okay I almost always forgot that last bit...).  I have several of them now, though today I am more likely to use my witchy log than directly recording my work.

Speaking of the witchy log, that is a very recent book I started a few years ago.  I really struggle with keeping up with tasks (in all realms of my life), and a planner has helped my everyday life so much, I thought having a book specifically dedicated to my witchy life would help.  It gives me a place to check in everyday, do moon work, journal about the sabbats, record random witchy facts or ideas....and it's really working for me.

 

This kind of replaced my old Sabbat book, which was dedicated to my own reflections after Sabbat rituals.  This one sort of fell in a funny place for me.  It felt like a cross between reflective journaling and record keeping, but when I started keeping the Witchy Log, I just stopped using this one.

I also started some topic specific books (because my brain likes organization).  I have books dedicated to runes, to tarot, to astrology, to moon work...pretty much any subject you are interested enough in to want a separate book for!

Art books are another whole category for me.  I have the one that started it all, which is a smashbook I did for an intentional art retreat.  It holds art that was done with specific purposes, so some of the pictures are about exploring archetypes or grounding or transforming.  I ended up with another book (that holds hole punched pages) for loose leaf art, and what I call my healing art book (which is blank pages that I draw pictures/symbols in for healing).  Sometimes my magic isn't about words, sometimes it's about images or color or emotions and these help me tap into that.

I also keep a small book for future ideas.  I heard someone toss this out as concept, and it's so perfect for my brain!  The idea is that you write down stuff you might want to work on...but that you don't have time/energy/motivation to do right now.  It's a future log for magic!  Mine is broken into problems and dreams..so problems are often more outward focused (like when a situation in the world is just bugging you), while dreams tend to be more personal (though of course you could just keep all your future ideas together!)

 

Now, you can probably see that most of my books are pretty spartan.  I don't really decorate them (minus the art books, but those aren't technically decorated either...just full of art lol), because for me that honestly just feels like work.  It's also a bit like that feeling of having a blank (expensive) book and not wanting to use it (because you are afraid of 'messing it up'...though I find just deliberately making a mistake early helps in this...I'm not perfect, my books don't need to be either).  But many people really get into making their books into amazing art works, doing collage and making every word beautiful.  So if that's your thing, go for it!

And if physical books aren't your thing....there are always digital options!  I keep a ton of files on my computer, from books to stuff I've written to things I've clipped from websites.  I've been playing around with OneNote as a way to organize digital stuff, though I've heard great things about Notion as well (and seen some amazing digital books there!)  There are advantages to digital, it's easy to keep a ton of information organized and handy (and with smart phones, portable!)  Personally, I'm more analog than digital, I sometimes struggle to read online text (books are easier for me), so I doubt I will ever be fully digital...but it's so nice for stuff that I am not sure I want/need for the long term.

When it comes to your Book(s) of Shadows, the sky is the limit.  There is no right or wrong way to keep one, just ways that work better for you.  And there is nothing wrong with trying out a few!  Find the books you like to use (bound, spiral, 3ring, digital), figure out how you prefer to keep things (do you like one big book, lots of little ones, write as you go, dedicated sections) and then see which ones stick with you (because sometimes the one you are most excited about just doesn't click).

Offerings

 

Many people include offerings as a part of their practice.  These could be offered up to the divine, to spirits, to ancestors or even simply to the earth.  The type of things that are offered up vary as widely as the people doing the offering...and those receiving it. Offerings range from simple and quick to elaborate and extravagant.

So, what is the purpose of an offering...what role does it play in your practice?  There are lots of reasons why people make offerings, and your path may influence how you think about offerings, but there is often still lots of room to have your own relationship with the idea of offering.  Some consider offerings to be a way of 'feeding the gods' and see it as a way to give back for all of the lovely influence our deities have in our life.  Others see them as tokens of affection, similar to how you might give a friend or loved one a gift just to let them know you are thinking about them.  Another perspective is that offerings are part of the relationship between you, sort of the social construct of witchy work (I work with this being, so they expect offerings).

As you can see, there is a lot of variance in how people think about offerings.  And each one has it's own nuances about what types of offerings might be expected.  As I mentioned before, there are lots of traditional offerings, and many deities have commonly accepted offerings that are strongly associated with them.  However, many people also find their own offerings...through their personal interactions with a particular being.  Especially for ancestor work, if you had a special thing that you shared with someone, that would make a beautiful offering!

A less often talked about thing, when it comes to offerings, is your personal circumstances.  Many people would love to make fancy offerings, but may not be able to afford them.  There is a bit of a misconception out there, that the more elaborate the offering, the 'better' it is.  But offerings come in SO many shapes and sizes and I personally feel that something offered up from the heart, with pure intent, has more spiritual 'weight' than a fancy offering that has no thought or emotion behind it.  

Ethics can also come into play, when we talk about offerings.  Perhaps a traditional offering is something we no longer find acceptable (like animal sacrifices).  Or it may be a personal thing, like not wanting to use alcohol as an offering because you have issues with alcohol.  I struggle with leaving out food offerings because of a combination of issues about leaving food out and food wastage.

And I think that if you have reservations about a particular offering, that will flavor the offering.  It's like giving a gift that you don't really want to give...sometimes the other person can tell.  If you are conflicted about your offering, think about what that says about the relationship.  The tricky bit is that sometimes, we are called to give offerings that we may have thoughts about, and part of the offering is making that personal sacrifice (like when you know your friend isn't as into a particular activity as you are, but they offer to come with you because they love you and know you want someone to do it with).  You are the only person who can decide if an offering is something you are willing to make, and how much out of your comfort zone you are willing to go.

Don't be afraid to try different offerings!  Most of the time, when we are making offerings, it is with a being we are wanting to work with.  If we offer something that isn't idea, we might get feedback that will let us know that something else is desired.  Or we may just get a feeling that the thing we offered wasn't as well received as we might have liked.  If you feel that way, it's a good time to check in and what might be a better fit.  Use whatever means you prefer to communicate, this might be a good time for divination or visualization!

I think it's important to remember that offerings are part of a relationship...they are a way of building it up and reinforcing the connection between you.  Which means that your personal boundaries are important!  If you feel like you need to offer something you simply are not comfortable with, then be vocal about it.  Be clear about why you can not offer the thing desired, and try different options to find something that might be acceptable instead.  If there can be no compromising, then you really have to ask yourself if you want to be in this relationship.

Offerings can be a wonderful part of your practice, and can be a great tool for deepening the relationships you have built within your path.  But we still need to make sure that all aspects of our practice fit with our lives (and our personal moral compass).  So don't be afraid to try new things, to negotiate your personal boundaries, and to ask what other things might be favorable options for an offering.

Modern Hearth worship

 

Many cultures honor a hearth deity, and the hearth used to be the heart of the home.  It was a source of heat and used for cooking, often being seen as the heart of the home.  But in modern times, we don't have the same reliance on the hearth, and in fact our cooking and heating are not only done by different sources, but they are relatively simple to use (as in we don't have to chop and haul wood or tend the fire all day).  So the hearth has lost some of it's power and magic in our lives.

And as a result of that, I feel like we often don't see our homes in the same way that our ancestors might.  We have made so many changes to the world, and so many technological advancements to make life better and easier, but in doing so we have lost some of the reverence for the things that are central to our well being.

Our home is much more than simply a container to keep the elements off of us.  It is our own personal sanctuary.  The space we cultivate to be comfortable and safe for us.  We decorate it to our tastes, and we keep all the stuff that's important to us here.  It is where we recover from the world, where we rest and where we prepare to face the day.

 

But a lot of people don't embrace the idea of home as much as they could.  They decorate their home in a way that they think makes them look good (to friends and family...and online strangers), they don't customize it in ways that really work for them (either because they rent and can't do a lot of customization or they are considering resale value and too much variation from the 'norm' is less desirable).  

Our home should serve us, in the sense that we should make accommodations where we can, so that our home suits us and our lifestyle.  When our son moved out on his own, we adjusted our space so it suited the two of us...because we were the ones that lived here.  Our living room furniture is giant bean bag chairs...because that is what we find comfortable.  Our 'spare room' is a game room, which means we don't have a guest room (but we also really don't have space to dedicate a space to having people stay over...when we almost never have people stay over!)

When I think about the heart of my home, I don't think of the stove.  Often, I feel the heart of our home is our living room...because that is where we spend the bulk of our time.  Sometimes I think of our laundry 'room' (it's a little closet with the washer/drier in it) the heart of our home...because it's literally in the center of the house (so if I want to do a house blessing, I'll always include the laundry room, and that's often where I'll tuck things to effect the whole house).

I also view cleaning as a hearth worship activity (which makes it slightly more tolerable to clean...because I'm doing it to show affection and respect for my home).  Both the regular every day kind of cleaning but also when I notice those cobwebs in the corner or smudges on the wall and I want to make our home as nice looking as possible...not for outsiders, but because it is OUR home.

I think having a dedicated home altar space is nice, but not everyone can do it.  Maybe you don't have a lot of space or maybe not everyone in the house would approve of (or understand) a home altar.  It's okay to not keep a dedicated space, or to have discrete home altars.  Even though hubby is aware of (and supports) my beliefs, I try not to dominate our house with only Pagan stuff (because he lives here too!), so I don't have a dedicated home altar.  Instead I have an offering bowl on top of the fridge, I tuck crystals into cupboards and tuck symbols behind pictures.  

But I think of my house as it's own being, and I talk to them (especially as I'm cleaning).  I try to be aware of how our house energy feels, and when it starts to feel off, I'll spend some time working with the house spirit to get things sorted out and good again.  

I feel like one of the most important things to remember is to not take your home for granted.  For those of us lucky enough to have never been homeless, it is easy to assume we will always have a home.  It is easy to come home and enjoy all that our home has to offer...without actually acknowledging our home spirit.  But learning to consider the spirit of your home, to think about where the heart of it is, to find ways to give back to our home (through cleaning and improvements)...this is what brings it's hearth to life!

How to create your own holiday

 

 I feel like Pagans (and witches) love holidays...more than jars or stones or even tarot decks (okay maybe not tarot decks...lol).  But so many witchy folk I know embrace holidays, and not only our own, but everyone's.  Holidays are a great way to celebrate whatever we might find important, and we love a good excuse to either gather together and have a party, or take some time out of our 'regular' life for something sacred.

Now, many Pagans have already had to accept the idea that the witchy holidays aren't steeped in history the way they may have been explained when we were first learning.  I, for one, very distinctly remember reading that the Sabbats were ancient rituals of observance, sometimes even being linked back to cave people times.  Now, a lot of us acknowledge that many of the holidays that formed the structure around which we built our practice are much more modern inventions (and very tied to the area in which they were created), and not the ancient, universal practices that we might have originally believed.

And there is nothing wrong with this!  The power of a holiday is in what it means to you, not necessarily where it's roots are.  I have no problem continuing to work with the Sabbat model, knowing full well that it is a modern thing.  In some ways, I feel more free to adapt it as I feel necessary than I might if I were trying to practice in a historically accurate way.

But sometimes we may feel like there is a thing we want to honor that doesn't have a good holiday.  Maybe you work with a deity that doesn't have a day or festival devoted to them.  Perhaps you have an important practice that you want to honor with it's own special day.  Or maybe you have a beloved ancestor (of blood or heart or path) that you feel deserves more recognition.  These are all great ideas for potential holidays!

So what makes up a holiday?  Well first, you want to sort out what you are celebrating...what is they core concept of your holiday?  Ideally this should be a single person, place or thing (and concepts are a thing, so you can totally make a holiday devoted to friendship!).  But that can often feel a bit too unfocused for a holiday, so think about making an intent statement for your holiday.  A single sentence that describes the 'true meaning' of the holiday to you.  For example, if you wanted to make a holiday to recognize your tarot practice, it might be something like, "a day to touch base with all my decks, tidying the space I keep them in and checking in to see if I need to reorganize or de-clutter."

Once you know basically what your holiday is going to be about, it's time for the nitty gritty (but also fun) stuff.  You need to figure out the details of your holiday!  Think about this like collecting correspondences that fit your theme.  

 

A good one to start with is the date:  when is your holiday celebrated?  This might be an exact date, or it could be a lunar date (like the first new moon of the year, or the full moon after my birthday).  For a holiday centered around a person, it might be their birthday (or death day if they are deceased), or an important day in their life.

Then, think about what you will do on this holiday.  This might be a main event kind of thing (maybe a shared meal or some kind of activity), but it can also include support activities (maybe you need to create things to use in the main event, or these may be smaller things you do as part of the bigger event).  

When thinking about things to do, think about not only what was important to the focus of your holiday (so if you are celebrating a person, it might be things they were passionate about), but it can also be things that remind you of your focus (more personal things, maybe memories you have related to it).

A great way to approach these activities is to think of your senses:  what sounds would fit (maybe there are songs or chants that are appropriate), what colors or decorations are connected to it (sight), what foods or drinks should be served (taste), is there an incense you want to burn or flowers to decorate with (scent), what physical things are associated with it (touch).  It's kind of like picking correspondences for a spell, you can think of building a holiday like building a ritual...that you do every year (or however often you want to celebrate it).

And finally, consider if this is going to be a personal (solitary) holiday or a shared one.  If you are doing something just for you, then once you figure out all the details, you are good to go.  But if you are planning a shared holiday, then it can be helpful to talk with others, especially the folks you think you will want to celebrate it with, to see how your ideas sound to them.  Sometimes, people will point out things that don't fit for them, and may be able to suggest an substitution that you like even better.

At the end of the day, it is YOUR created holiday, so you have the final decision about what fits and what doesn't.  But it is always nice to try to make things as inclusive as possible.  If, however, you find that someone just can't agree with one of your core concepts, then maybe suggest they create their own holiday that better fits them, and you go ahead and do yours the way you want.

Holidays are great fun, and creating one to fit a need you have can be an amazing experience.  You can end up with wonderful memories and an ongoing tradition that helps you pay homage to something that is important to you....and share those feelings with others!  It is a great way to personalize your practice, to build the type of celebrations into your year that you need.  Have fun with it, and you may be surprised at where it takes you!

Pushing your boundaries

 I think it's a pretty common thing for people to be more open when they are first starting out on a path (or learning about a new thing), and the more we practice, the more refined our path becomes.  It's only natural to narrow our focus, especially as we learn more about what really works for us, and what doesn't.

However, I think we are doing a huge disservice, both to ourselves and to others, to keep our circle small and focused.  When we surround ourselves with people who are 'like us' we become an echo chamber, and we loose out on so much of the beautiful variety that makes the human race so special.

Now I know that it's not comfortable for everyone to step into spaces that we are unfamiliar with, and it's definitely not something that (most people) are comfortable with for the bulk of their practice, but I do feel that it's important to try to broaden your experiences as much as you are able to.  The more we can interact with people who are different to us, the more we enrich all of our lives!

I recently joined a witchcraft group that is very different to any I have been a part of.  Firstly, the age range is highly tilted towards people who are much younger than I am.  And while it is definitely intimidating, it's also hugely fascinating.  

I think age is one of those categories that we are socialized to limit ourselves within.  From early school days, we are lumped together with people 'in the same year', and making friends outside your year wasn't as socially acceptable as hanging out with people in the same year as you.  We carry this into adulthood (though our range does widen a bit), and many people spend most of their time socializing with others who are roughly their own age.

In some ways this makes sense, because you share a historic perspective...people your age have lived through the same stuff you have, they grew up during the same time and thus have a similar perspective.  Spending time with people younger or older than you (by more than a few years) is almost like learning a new language and definitely like stepping into a different culture.

Beyond age differences, spending time with people who walk different paths humanizes practices in a way that looking in from the outside (doing academic research and the like) will struggle to accomplish.  It shifts your brain from thinking about things in a clinical way and into thinking about things in a personal way.  

And that is something that I think we really need to lean into and embrace!  People are widely varied and we have so many lovely unique ways of facing the world, but underneath it we all share many commonalities, and it's SO  much easier to understand practices that feel very foreign to you when you have connected with someone who actually lives those practices.

Especially in this modern age, where everything is changing so quickly, I feel like socializing with people who are different (whether that means in age, in where they live in the world, in what path they walk or any number of other differences we may see in the people around us) lets us tap into the pulse of the current moment.  It lets you see how things have changed, especially for those of us who have been practicing for a while.

The conversations people are having today, about their practices, are both similar and so very different, from the conversations that people were having when I first started.  The discourse around culture and ancestry is constantly evolving, and when we talk about cultural differences, we absolutely need to have voices from within the cultures being talked about.  

I see my practice as a living practice.  It changes as I change, it grows and evolves when I learn new things.  I don't want to be someone who clings to a stagnant path simply because it's how I learned to walk it...I want to embrace the learning and growing we've done as a society and to listen to the voices that have been silenced for so long.

I don't think it's necessary to toss away my familiar practices in order to open myself to new ones, but I do appreciate any time spent with people who are in a different place than I am (whether that means they are a different age, walk a different path, live in a different part of the world or are a different gender/sexuality).  I find it really rewarding to be in spaces that let people of widely different circumstances interact....the conversations are amazing!

So even if you have a very established practice and are comfortable and happy with it, I think it's well worth it to also reach out and spend time with people who you might not ordinarily interact with.  It helps me stay connected and it enriches my life in ways that I would never have discovered if I stayed within my safe and familiar boundaries.

Chinese New Year Taboos

 Chinese New Year is a time to welcome in the new year, in hopes that happiness and fortune (that we've hopefully already encouraged into our lives) will stay and prosper.  There are a lot of traditions surrounding this time, and many taboos, or things we shouldn't do.  Most of these are ways of discouraging bad stuff from lingering (or coming back) to us.

I find that a lot of New Year traditions (both Chinese and Western) are based on the idea that New Year Day (or the days of Chinese New Year, if you honor the full Spring festival) is representative of the whole year, so the stuff you do (and don't do) on New Year's day will follow you for the rest of the year.  (note:  some of the restrictions are based on particular days of the full Spring festival, so some restrictions may be for a slightly longer time than just the day, or for a different day than the actual day of New year)

With Chinese traditions, strictures are often included for homonyms: words that sound like other words.  This is a very common idea, that words that sound similar are linked, so acting out one of the words will bring in the energy of the linked word. 

Speaking of words, one of the big warnings is to not say unlucky words.  This basically means don't talk about stuff you don't want to happen in the next year.  Typical words to be avoided are:  death, illness, pain, suffering, poverty, loss, killing, etc.  This is one of the places where linked words are also avoided, so the number four is avoided (as it sounds similar to the word for death).  However, you can use euphemisms, so instead of talking about someone who has died, you might refer to them as having moved on or being in a better place.

On a similar vein, you should avoid fighting and crying.  Again, the idea is if you do these things, your year will be filled with fighting and loss.  Children are often given free reign (and not punished for things), to avoid scolding them (and thus them being scolded all year).  This also often leads to acts of peacekeeping, so neighbors might come by and make amends for any issues that came up over the past year, so that the new year will be full of peace.

Sweeping shouldn't be done, nor should you take out the trash, as you will be sweeping away your wealth or throwing out your good fortune.  If you do need to sweep, you should sweep from the outside in, so that you are collecting your money instead of sweeping it away. It is seen as unlucky to wash your hair, as hair and wealth are homonyms, so again you would be washing away your wealth.  For similar reasons, you shouldn't cut your hair.

There are several traditions around clothes.  It is best to wear new clothes, for a fresh start to the new year, but you should absolutely avoid wearing damaged clothing (you don't want to wear rags for the whole year!).  Black and white clothing are traditionally associated with somber occasions (like funerals), so they should be avoided.

You shouldn't wash your clothes either, as not only are you (again) washing away your wealth, but the water god is honored (on the first days of the new year), so to wash on his sacred days is seen as disrespectful.

Sharp objects shouldn't be used, which includes scissors, knives and needles.  Using sharp objects are often seen as encouraging quarrels and conflicts in the new year.  Sewing, in particular, is not to be done, partially as a break (mostly for the women), but also as it is felt that if you sew on the new year, the coming year will be full of work.

You should avoid breaking things, but if you do break something, you can wrap it in red paper/cloth or say a blessing over it (to turn away the bad luck, a common blessing uses the world year, which sounds like broken in Chinese to 'turn around' the energy of breaking stuff)

Porridge shouldn't be eaten for breakfast (because it's a poor person's food, and you don't want to start the year off 'poor').  A vegetarian breakfast can be seen as a way of demonstrating that you are in good health and don't need to eat extra meat.  Some feel meat shouldn't be eaten at breakfast as a way of respecting Buddhist gods (who are against killing animals).  Killing (even of animals), of course, should also be avoided.

I think it's interesting that you shouldn't wake people up, as that will lead to them being urged to work extra all year.  But you also shouldn't take a nap, or you will be lazy (and it's expected that you will have visitors, and it's rude to be napping when people come to call).

One should avoid visiting hospitals, as this is believed to bring more illness in the coming year.  Many people also avoid taking medicine, however this is often reserved for only minor issues (like maybe you don't pop a painkiller for a sore shoulder), and of course life-saving medications and emergency situations are exceptions.

You shouldn't lend or borrow money, as this will encourage debt.  Gifts are often a part of Chinese New Year, and if you gift money, it should be in even numbers, especially lucky numbers (like doubles).  Unlucky numbers (like four, mentioned earlier) should be avoided.  Also gifts with unlucky associations should be avoided (like watches/clocks which are a homophone of paying last respects)

This is just some of the more common, or well known taboos, but you can see the trends here, and it mostly boils down to:  do stuff that brings luck and avoid things that bring bad energy.  And those are just good tips to follow, in just about any situation!

What drives your faith?

 There are many reasons why people have faith, and often it is a search for something bigger than themselves.  We look at the world around us and we just know that there is more than we can see.  And we want to understand, so we seek for that which can't be proven, only felt.

The thing about faith is that it asks us to be better, and being better is hard.  So we find motivation to do the things we feel we should be doing, and that motivation can be rooted in love...or in fear.  Faith rooted in love wants you to become the best person you can be, but it also wants other people to be the best they can be.  Faith rooted in fear tells you that if you don't behave properly, bad things will happen to you (either in this life or beyond).

Now, on the surface, this seems like a trivial issue.  Whether your actions are based in love or fear, it is your actions that matter, right?  But when we poke a bit deeper, we realize that love based actions are inclusive.  We want better for ourselves, but we also want better for everyone else.  There is no need to point fingers or turn away from people who are different from us.  The focus is on improving and becoming the best person you can be (and doing your part to make the whole world the best that it can be).

With fear based faith, the tendency is to only work hard enough to not get in trouble.  It also creates barriers between the 'good' people and the 'bad' ones.  Because some behaviors are sins and considered inherently evil, the people who do them are also linked to evil.  And treating someone as if they are evil, just because they do a thing you don't approve of (especially something that might only be considered a sin in your religion...and not in the general world view) doesn't encourage people to grow and be better, it simply makes them feel like they are flawed or otherwise less than.

But a fear based faith also encourages the mindset of 'it's okay if I don't get caught', because it's not about wanting to be better, it's just about not wanting to be punished.  This is why so many 'religious' people struggle with the concept of morality outside of their church.  It's why we hear things like, "If you don't have religion to tell you that killing is wrong, then people won't have a reason to not kill."  Which is a whole scary landmine of an attitude, if you ask me.

I also find that most people who have faith based in fear have a very cookie cutter approach to what 'good' means.  There are specific things you can (and can not) do, and there is no wiggle room.  Faith based in love tends to be more open to individuality.  It doesn't look at an action and judge it right or wrong in isolation, but it looks at the whole situation, it looks at the people involved and asks what is right for these people, in this moment.

Here's the twist:  faith based on fear is easier.  It's relatively simple and very clear cut.  Here is the list of things you Must Not Do!  There may be some things that you should do, but fear based faith is much more heavily weighted towards the do-nots.  And because it's a list of things, it's very clear cut, so there is no need to think or debate the morality of the thing.  Your faith tells you it's either good or bad, no exceptions.

Love based faith requires a lot of work.  You have to be really honest with yourself about where you are at.  You have to explore those icky feelings that you know aren't right (but you still feel them anyways).  You have to push yourself to find the bits of yourself that you don't care for...and work on them.  You have to think about situations, with all their nuance and complexity, and determine for yourself, what the best way forward is.

You also have to be really willing to accept other people for who they are.  Not who you want them to be, or who you think they should be...but who they are.  You meet people where they are, and you work with them, on the things that they are struggling with.  You let them be the master of their own ship and guide they way...you aren't there to take over, just to support.  And that is a lot harder than just telling them what they 'should' be doing and then judging them for their failings.

I want to point out here, that people can approach the same faith or religion from their own fear or love based perspective.  There are Christians who approach their faith from a love based perspective...and Pagans who are fear based.  This is about you...and how you interpret the faith you believe in.

It's also not necessarily a black and white thing.  You may be love based in some aspects of your faith and fear based in others (the afterlife is quite often a fear based belief).  There may be very specific parts of your faith that are rooted in fear.  Or maybe you grew up with fear based faith, but it is starting to unfold in a way that is now rooted in love.

Wherever you are in your faith journey, I encourage everyone to take a good look in your heart.  Think about why you do things, especially things related to your faith.  What motivates you?  Where are you acting out of fear, and where are you embracing the love?  Where can you turn fear based actions into love based ones?  The more we can open our hearts and work on improving everyone, the better the world (and thus all of us, individually), will be.

Who you gonna call (on)?

 I was recently introduced to the idea of deities (and other spirits/ancestors) as people in your phonebook (as opposed to the 'archetypal master of their sphere of influence' in the traditional sense).  And I think this is a super useful way to approach deity work, especially when you aren't sure who to call on.

I think a big part of why this mindset works for me is that I don't really fall into the traditional model of witchcraft.  I'm not doing a bunch of spells and invoking deities to do the work for me.  I tend to think of that as a more historical view of magic, where the petitioner (me) makes offerings (the bits of the spell), and asks/compels a spirit/deity/ancestor to go out and do the work for me.  And honestly I feel like that is becoming somewhat of an outdated model.

For me, it's more like I'm trying to do a thing but I might want some help or advice, so I'll call on a deity sort of like for moral support.  I've talked before about how my relationship with deities and spirits is much more conversational.  I often think of them in similar categories as I might people, so some are best friends, some are like family (related but not necessarily close), some are casual acquaintances.  My interactions with them are definitely flavored by how I relate to them.

And I'll admit, sometimes it's hard to figure out which deity (or spirit) might best fit an issue I'm working on.  If I'm having health issues, there are plenty of healing and health deities, but who do I turn to when I'm frustrated by the failings of the internet?  Now, I do also believe that the beings I work with are 'living' beings, in the sense that they aren't stuck in their prime time...they are not only aware of the modern world, but embrace it (or not...because of course some people choose to live in the past hehe).  So a crafting or smith deity might work for modern tech, but a communication deity might also fit the bill.

What I love about the phonebook mentality is that sometimes you don't want a 'master of the craft' to work with.  Sometimes you just want a friend to talk to, or maybe a neutral party.  Let's say I was having an issue with my cat.  Who might I call about it?  Well I could definitely call a vet, but I could also call a friend who has cats.  If we turn that thought into a witchy one, I could call on the spirit of cat, a deity who is directly connected to cats or even a deity who maybe has some interaction with cats (but isn't traditionally thought of as a cat deity).

Where I think this concept really shines is when thinking about deities themselves.  I never really liked the whole 'list of correspondences' for deities, where you get a list of words that they are linked to.  Me, I'm all about the stories.  I want to feel like I know them, as people, and then the idea of who to call on makes more organic sense to me.

As a sub-thought on the topic, sometimes it makes more sense to call on a deity that might be a looser fit, but who you might have a better relationship with.  If I'm struggling to keep my house tidy and wanting to do some work to help me in that realm, I could definitely call on one of the hearth and home deities...but let's say I don't really work with any of them regularly.  Instead, I might call on a more familiar deity (because everyone lives somewhere...right?) and use the familiarity of our relationship to help me....much like I might gripe to a friend for some encouragement instead of hiring a professional house cleaner.

I feel like a lot of modern day practice has evolved, but this is one of those things that we don't really talk about that much.  Sure the debate about what deities are exists (are they mystical beings who used to walk the world physically, are they mental archetypes, are they thought forms...), but rarely do I see it followed up on:  how does this effect how we work with them?

The fact that we have exposure to deities from all over the world...and all throughout history, means we may have to rethink how we relate to and work with them.  Our ancestors had limited exposure, they had their deities, and sometimes knew of the deities of the people near them.  But their interaction with their deities was different (I feel) that our interaction with them today (especially based on our understanding of the world around us), and that necessitates a new way of working.

So, if you are struggling with who to call, when you are planing a working, perhaps thinking of it less as invoking a deity and more like phoning a friend (or calling a pro in) will help you find the right fit.  Who knows, before long you may find yourself creating a whole new phone book...for deities and other spirits who you work with.