Chinese New Year Taboos

 Chinese New Year is a time to welcome in the new year, in hopes that happiness and fortune (that we've hopefully already encouraged into our lives) will stay and prosper.  There are a lot of traditions surrounding this time, and many taboos, or things we shouldn't do.  Most of these are ways of discouraging bad stuff from lingering (or coming back) to us.

I find that a lot of New Year traditions (both Chinese and Western) are based on the idea that New Year Day (or the days of Chinese New Year, if you honor the full Spring festival) is representative of the whole year, so the stuff you do (and don't do) on New Year's day will follow you for the rest of the year.  (note:  some of the restrictions are based on particular days of the full Spring festival, so some restrictions may be for a slightly longer time than just the day, or for a different day than the actual day of New year)

With Chinese traditions, strictures are often included for homonyms: words that sound like other words.  This is a very common idea, that words that sound similar are linked, so acting out one of the words will bring in the energy of the linked word. 

Speaking of words, one of the big warnings is to not say unlucky words.  This basically means don't talk about stuff you don't want to happen in the next year.  Typical words to be avoided are:  death, illness, pain, suffering, poverty, loss, killing, etc.  This is one of the places where linked words are also avoided, so the number four is avoided (as it sounds similar to the word for death).  However, you can use euphemisms, so instead of talking about someone who has died, you might refer to them as having moved on or being in a better place.

On a similar vein, you should avoid fighting and crying.  Again, the idea is if you do these things, your year will be filled with fighting and loss.  Children are often given free reign (and not punished for things), to avoid scolding them (and thus them being scolded all year).  This also often leads to acts of peacekeeping, so neighbors might come by and make amends for any issues that came up over the past year, so that the new year will be full of peace.

Sweeping shouldn't be done, nor should you take out the trash, as you will be sweeping away your wealth or throwing out your good fortune.  If you do need to sweep, you should sweep from the outside in, so that you are collecting your money instead of sweeping it away. It is seen as unlucky to wash your hair, as hair and wealth are homonyms, so again you would be washing away your wealth.  For similar reasons, you shouldn't cut your hair.

There are several traditions around clothes.  It is best to wear new clothes, for a fresh start to the new year, but you should absolutely avoid wearing damaged clothing (you don't want to wear rags for the whole year!).  Black and white clothing are traditionally associated with somber occasions (like funerals), so they should be avoided.

You shouldn't wash your clothes either, as not only are you (again) washing away your wealth, but the water god is honored (on the first days of the new year), so to wash on his sacred days is seen as disrespectful.

Sharp objects shouldn't be used, which includes scissors, knives and needles.  Using sharp objects are often seen as encouraging quarrels and conflicts in the new year.  Sewing, in particular, is not to be done, partially as a break (mostly for the women), but also as it is felt that if you sew on the new year, the coming year will be full of work.

You should avoid breaking things, but if you do break something, you can wrap it in red paper/cloth or say a blessing over it (to turn away the bad luck, a common blessing uses the world year, which sounds like broken in Chinese to 'turn around' the energy of breaking stuff)

Porridge shouldn't be eaten for breakfast (because it's a poor person's food, and you don't want to start the year off 'poor').  A vegetarian breakfast can be seen as a way of demonstrating that you are in good health and don't need to eat extra meat.  Some feel meat shouldn't be eaten at breakfast as a way of respecting Buddhist gods (who are against killing animals).  Killing (even of animals), of course, should also be avoided.

I think it's interesting that you shouldn't wake people up, as that will lead to them being urged to work extra all year.  But you also shouldn't take a nap, or you will be lazy (and it's expected that you will have visitors, and it's rude to be napping when people come to call).

One should avoid visiting hospitals, as this is believed to bring more illness in the coming year.  Many people also avoid taking medicine, however this is often reserved for only minor issues (like maybe you don't pop a painkiller for a sore shoulder), and of course life-saving medications and emergency situations are exceptions.

You shouldn't lend or borrow money, as this will encourage debt.  Gifts are often a part of Chinese New Year, and if you gift money, it should be in even numbers, especially lucky numbers (like doubles).  Unlucky numbers (like four, mentioned earlier) should be avoided.  Also gifts with unlucky associations should be avoided (like watches/clocks which are a homophone of paying last respects)

This is just some of the more common, or well known taboos, but you can see the trends here, and it mostly boils down to:  do stuff that brings luck and avoid things that bring bad energy.  And those are just good tips to follow, in just about any situation!

Representation in Media

 Representation in media is something that is being talked about a lot more recently, especially around things like race, gender and sexuality, but it is also something that can be very emotional for those of us who follow a religion that doesn't always get good representation in media.

I am always drawn to books, shows and movies about witchy people.  And I don't need them all to be super realistic (though I would totally watch a 'real world' style show about Pagans...."20 Pagans share a house for a year...watch them do moon circles and Sabbats and just everyday stuff!"), I adore watching shows where the idea of Paganism or witchcraft is explored in a creative way....as long as they aren't all "witches are evil and horrible people!"

It really hit home this year, as I was watching the end of Motherland around the holidays and the Yule episode came up.  I adore holiday movies, even the really cheesy ones, but this was like a warm hug, just to see a Sabbat come up and people talking about their memories celebrating it.  

 

And it's not something we get to see a lot, and that makes my heart sad.  Because showing what we actually do and what our traditions mean to us, that is not only something wonderful for US to watch, but it becomes something that other people (who aren't Pagan or maybe don't even know what it means to be Pagan) can watch and see what we are about.

I think especially for anyone who is mostly solitary, having good media representation can fill in for those group gathers that you may not have near you.  Or if you simply don't have the funds to attend or maybe you are sick, you can still get that feeling of meeting up with others 'like you'.

I think people naturally want to see 'people like me' on the tv (or in books or advertising or wherever else media happens), and sometimes you don't even realize how much you were missing something, until you see it and it hits your heart like a freight train.

One thing I find interesting about watching any show where mythology comes into play is how much being Pagan just gives me a huge base of information (that feels SO basic to me), so when a deity or practice is referenced in a show, I know what the meaning of the reference is (and don't have to wait for the show to explain it...makes me feel quite smart sometimes!)

And I can just imagine a world where, not only Pagan practices are represented, but other faiths as well.  I'd love to see more shows that feature families practicing non-Christian religions (because let's be honest....99 percent of what is actually shown on most tv shows is Christian stuff...if the people are other religions, most of their religious practice isn't shown on screen).  I think it would go a long way in helping people be more open and understanding about other people's religions.

I feel like more people are disrespectful out of ignorance, and I also acknowledge that, if you only know of the mainstream media version of Paganism, it could lead to a lot of misconceptions.  And sadly, many people believe shows as Truth, even if it's a show that is obviously made for entertainment (you won't believe how many people think that the Marvel movies are an accurate representation of Norse deities...)

I think it's especially important for Pagans, as so many media representations paint us as the bad guy, and use just enough 'real' characteristics (like showing a character using tarot cards...but then being possessed by the devil for it *sigh), and the idea (that witches are evil) is repeated SO often, that it can be very hard for us to debunk those myths...without other good sources out there.

I have been happy to see more good shows lately that have slipped in some very Pagan ideas.  We have seen shows like the Good Witch or Charmed that show witches as the heroes (even if they give some things a fantasy upgrade, like the witchy powers in Charmed).  But we also still see a ton of horror movies where the witch is the big bad, so the scales are still tipped and we have a long way to go.

But I have hope.  Not only because I want to see more people like me in media, but because we (as a global community) are starting to have more conversations about things like this and we are starting to look for more ways to encourage representation of more groups.  And I think that is a wonderful thing!

Quiet Contemplation

 Life is a series of ups and downs, with times of frantic energy and times of stillness.  We just got through the holiday season, which is often very busy.  Many people have additional stresses around this time of year, whether it is due to spending more time with family (who may not 'get' you), or due to money issues, or just trying to get to all the parties!  And after such a busy time, it is often quite soothing to take some time to just...be.

If you already have a meditation practice, or a journalling practice, this could mean taking some extra time to slow down and just contemplate where you are at, right now.  This is a much more passive type of practice though, so there is no need to set a particular focus, just set some time aside to sit and think.

I often feel like we have really lost something in our busy modern life.  There aren't as many moments of stillness or times to just sit and be with ourselves.  There is always something to do, some distraction to keep you busy or something that needs attended to.  And if you wait for quiet moments to occur naturally, you may be waiting quite a while!

Instead, it is useful to schedule some down time.  Mark it in your calendar, make a sign for your door and put your phone on silent (or better yet, put it in another room!), and give yourself permission to take some time to yourself to just think.

It can feel kind of uncomfortable, at first, when you sit down for your quiet time.  And unlike many forms of meditation, you aren't trying to focus your mind one one thing, or keep it blank.  You are actually encouraging your mind to wander down whatever thought trails it wants.  

It can be helpful to have some kind of starting point, and I definitely feel that "how am I, right now," is a great one.  It starts you where you are, but as you know, thoughts are tricky things, and you may find yourself following a thought trail that leads you quite far from your starting point.

It's also perfectly fine to set some boundaries before you start.  If there are things that stress you out when you think about them, and you need a break from that, then absolutely shift your thoughts when those things come up.  There is plenty of time to sit with those uncomfortable thoughts at another time, when you aren't trying to recover from the business of the holidays.

I definitely find that I crave moments of quiet contemplation as my life gets busier.  Especially if I'm spending a lot of time with family (and thus having to put on my 'family face' lol), I find that having some time to just be myself, no apologies and no censoring, can really help me find that inner core of 'me' and gets me ready to go back out and handle whatever needs handled.

I should also point out that it's perfectly fine if you want to daydream as part of your contemplation.  I think daydreams are such amazing ways for us to explore different ways of being.  Maybe you have a favorite book/movie/show and you want to imagine what it would be like if you were part of that world.  Or maybe you always  wondered what it would be like to live as an animal.  Let your mind play in whatever world it wants, especially if your 'real' world is something you feel you need a little bit of a break from.

And there is NOTHING wrong with needing a break from your life sometimes!  It doesn't mean you don't love your people or that you are depressed...in fact knowing that you are stressed and need a break, and then planning time for it and actually taking that break is a very healthy way to handle the tough bits of life without either breaking down or avoiding things.  Just like you might take a rest when you are doing something physically demanding, taking some time for yourself in contemplation allows your mind (and emotions!) to rest, and is often quite refreshing.

So, if you find yourself feeling extra frazzled after the holiday season is over, try giving yourself some time to sit and think.  Let your mind wander, and even play with some daydreaming.  Even a small amount of time can give you that break you need, and allow you to return to your life feeling refreshed!

In like a whisper...

 For so many people, it's been a crazy few years, and I have been seeing these memes floating around suggesting that we don't claim the New Year as "my year!" for anything, but rather that we just keep our heads low and try to hang on.

While I'm not that big of a fan of the reasoning behind it (to me, that feels very much like victim blaming, like we, the common folks, shouldn't have any aspirations or goals...because that is somehow causing the world to push back....instead of really focusing on who/what is causing the crazy and working on sorting that out...but that's a whole nother topic lol), I do feel like the big, grand celebrations of New Year aren't for everyone.

A lot of people make a whole big deal about welcoming in the New Year.  They throw big parties, they have countdowns and big stars on the tv doing shows for entertainment as they wait to welcome in the new year.  They pick a Word to represent their year, and make resolutions and it's a whole thing.  And that is absolutely fantastic if that's your thing and it serves you well!

However, if you prefer a more quiet route, there is nothing wrong with taking the turning of the year and making it a time of just settling in to the live you already have.  Maybe you don't need a big change, perhaps you feel your life is pretty good how it is.  Or maybe you know that things are a bit rough, but instead of trying to make a big change, you want to shift your focus instead, and you double down on your gratitude for the bits of your life that you love.  Perhaps you just don't like all the fuss and work of big celebrations and just want to take some time to reflect and be in the moment.

I'm sort of reminded of some movies, where traditionally in a big action scene (or something highly dramatic), the music builds and there is this sense of tension as things keep getting louder, until there is some climactic moment and everything just sort of erupts.  But I've also seen movies where, when the big moment comes, the music just...stops.  And there is this silence, that highlights whatever is going on in a completely different way.

Sometimes, taking a moment in silence, just sitting with ourselves, can be really powerful.  Maybe we don't need the big external stuff, but would rather do some deep diving into our own mind.  New Year is a great time to take stock of our life, but that doesn't mean we need to make sweeping changes.  When we consider the upcoming year, it's okay to think about just continuing on as we are...we are enough, and we don't need to change to be good people!

And I think that is part of why I feel like many traditional takes on the New Year feel off to me.  It's almost like the whole point is to 'fix' your life, to trim out the bad and add in all that stuff that you wish you could do (or be).  And while I'm a huge advocate for self-improvement, it needs to be done out of a genuine desire to grow, not out of some sense of shame about who you are now.

I definitely have my own rituals around the New Year, but for me, it's all about what I feel I need in that moment.  And some years it's about working on a big change, while other years it's about just holding on, or adjusting to a new situation.  Neither is better than the other, but if I tried for something big on a year where I already felt I was struggling to just get by, then I would be under even more pressure and it just wouldn't fit.  Everything has it's time, and that includes both dramatic improvement as well as radical self-acceptance.

So if you are feeling the need to shake things up, or are super excited about starting something new and making some changes, then by all means, go for it!  Grab the New Year by the reigns and hit the ground running.  But if you are feeling overwhelmed, pressured to change (when maybe you don't feel the need personally), or just wanting to stay in and enjoy a chill, quiet night...then don't feel like you need to do more!  Mark the turning of the year in the way that speaks to your heart, and remember that whatever you need, right now, in this moment...that is the right thing for you!

Ending a cycle

 New Years is a huge celebration for many people, and we use it to say good bye to the old year and welcome in the new.  But most of the focus is on the incoming year.  Maybe we set goals for the year, pick a word for the year or make some kind of resolution.  We rarely spend the same amount of time honoring the old year, recognizing what it has given us, what our struggles have been and saying good bye to it.

Part of a good transition is recognizing what we are letting go of, and by making a ritual of saying good bye to the old year and marking the end of the yearly cycle, we are giving ourselves a boundary between what we don't want to carry into the new year.  It is making a point of saying "this stuff was part of this year, but now we are staring a new year, so I don't need this to continue."

I have built up a pretty big practice of end of year reflection.  For me, it's a time to look back at the whole year, to remember the good times and the bad ones, to think about new people I have met, and remembering those who left us.  It's about finding closure and about seeing the year as a whole.  I enjoy journaling out thoughts about what I did well and what I struggled with.

Since we are saying good bye to a whole year, this is something that can easily be extended over several days, not something you need to do all at once on New Year's eve (especially if you have plans)!  And you don't have to come up with everything on your own (even though it is a pretty personal and private thing, at least for me).  There are a ton of great resources out there for journal and reflection questions.  

I definitely feel that reflecting on the year can be hugely rewarding.  What this looks like to you may be different from what it looks like to me.  You can find a tarot spread to work on, or some journal questions, or maybe even just spend some time thinking and reflecting (if you aren't a journaling person...doing this by a fire or looking out the window at snow is great!)

One thing I like doing is flipping through my planner (and journals...all the stuff I worked on during the year).  My planner has journal aspects to it, so there are daily/weekly/monthly reflections, there are memory pages, there are notes (for future projects as well as stuff I was working on at the time), so going through it is like a snapshot of my year, and it lets me reconnect with memories, which is always fun.  I almost always 'end' a planner with an end of year reflection, whether it is more formal or just me writing out whatever is on my mind.

Another personal ritual I do is that I create an anklet for the year, one that I wear always, and then on New Year's eve, I add next year's anklet (and wear both), and on New Year's day, I remove the old one (and offer it up in thanks).  I've been doing this for quite a few years now, and it definitely a big marker of the year ending for me.  It's funny, because I tend to swap legs each year, and when I add the new one, I'm very aware of it for weeks!

In the past few years, I've also added a Norse version of the 12 days of Xmas to my end of year celebrations.  So, for the last 12 days of the year, I honor a different concept, from my ancestors, light/dark, community, healing....it's a way to not only give thanks for the things that happened this year but also to build dreams for next year.

I've always loved advent type things, so having this extended ritual celebration at the end of the year gives me the structure I desire to count down the final days of the year.  Having done it a few days now, it's fun to build on what I've done before, to deepen my connection with each day and the deities and energies I associate with them.

I also find that the end of the year (for me) feels almost frantic.  There is this building of energy, the tail end of the holiday season (though I do tend to think of the holiday season as reaching almost to May, it's like the intensity changes with the New Year).  Taking a little time each day in those final days of the year helps me mark the turning and keep my balance, even in this somewhat liminal time (because the time from Xmas to New Year really often feels like it's 'extended holiday time' probably a holdover from winter school holidays that last for the last two weeks of the year in many places).

So whether you feel yourself floundering at the end of the year (like I did!) or you just want to explore your relationship with the year that is coming to a close, I highly recommend expanding your New Year's celebrations to include saying good bye to the old year in some fashion.  Have fun exploring the options and finding what works best for you!

Electric lights

 At Yule, we welcome back the light, and it's often a time for lighting candles.  And as much as I love me a good candle or twelve, sometimes the situation may not be right for an open flame.  Many people have romanticized candles, and they represent that something special is going on (whether it is ritual or romance LOL), while 'normal' electric lights feel more ordinary and don't bring that same sense of wonder.

But here's the thing....our ancestors didn't have special lights to bring out for rituals and celebrations, they used candles because that's what they had.  And even though we use electric lights for our daily life, there are so many variations on light we can still use electric lights for spiritual or special occasions...and have them different from the lights we use everyday to maintain the special feelings they evoke.

Especially at this time of year, when holiday lights are everywhere, the options are limitless.  You can find beautiful lights that suit your desires, and have something that will work for you (and everyone involved).

Now, I know some people have very conflicted emotions about holidays, so if certain lights trigger negative emotions in you, pass those over and find different ones!  And you don't have to limit yourself to holiday lights, you can work with a lava lamp or colored light bulbs.  There are fairy lights or LED lights, and of course you can put fancy shades around them (like you might put a tea light in a fancy candle holder to spice it up).

Light is such a basic thing, but it's really amazing how changing the light in a room changes the energy of it.  You can play with this, building up your collection of lights and figuring out which kind works best for you in which situations.  

And just because you are embracing electric light doesn't mean you can't also (or at different times) use candles!  This is about adding another tool to your toolbox, not necessarily replacing it (though of course if you can't ever use candles, this is a great alternative).  

One of the obvious advantages is that electric lights are much less of a fire hazard, which allows you to leave them 'burning' on altar spaces or what not.  Of course, you still want to make sure that you are taking the appropriate precautions, so make sure things are plugged in to a safe outlet, and that the heat of the lights won't ignite anything nearby, but they are definitely a safer choice if you have pets that like to investigate open flames.

One thing that takes a little bit to wrap your head around is how to 'dress' an electric light.  If I'm using candles for ritual, I do like to dress and charge them, sometimes I'll carve symbols or put some herbs in the wax.  Obviously, I can't really do these things to my electric lights, but you can still find ways to dress them up.  

Fancy tapes can be used to add flair, and you can use something like nail polish or a paint pen to draw symbols on the outside of things (like on the pole of a standing lamp, or the switch on the wall).  Or, you can make a tag to attach to your cord that you can write your intentions on.  You can likewise hang charms or bags (of herbs and stones) off of the switch (so that you can active them every time you switch the light on).  Just like when working with candles, you will want to make sure that any modifications you do don't make the lights unsafe!

I am all about feeling magical, and sometimes it's easy to overlook options, simply because we see them all the time, and so we tune them out.  But with a little twist, a bit of a different perspective and a new way of thinking, we can open up our options and end up with a whole new world of lighting to play around with.

So, whether holiday lights have always delighted you or if you are simply in need of a more practical solution for times when fire isn't the best idea, electric lights can be practical, versatile...and utterly magical!

Extremes help!

 It's a very common phenomenon for us humans to glorify whatever is 'not' going on right now.  In the winter, we miss summer, in the fall we miss the bright colors of spring.  And often it's the extremes that really get people feeling nostalgic for 'any other season' (or experience, or situation).  It's like we're programed to not be happy with what we have, but to look at it and only see what we don't have.

It's not necessarily a bad thing, to remember fondly other times and to appreciate that we know the cycle will turn around.  But if we focus only on what we don't have, we miss out on what is going on right now.

However, if we can flip the script, and remember the opposite extreme, perhaps calling to mind the sweltering heat (and humidity!) of summer...when we are in the middle of a snowstorm, we can start to temper those longing feelings, and instead of being unhappy about the storm, we can look for what makes it special...and what it helps us appreciate.

Feeling longing is a great time to turn to gratitude.  If we are longing for those warm spring nights, where everything is alive and growing, then we can take a moment to be grateful that we know the seasons will shift and spring will come and we will get to experience that.  We can even be thankful for whatever is going on right now that makes us feel the longing.

This can also be applied to tasks we may not enjoy so much.  If you are like me, you might struggle to work out.  Often, tasks we don't like are a form of an extreme, and working out is often a peak of effort...way more than we use in a typical moment.  But, intellectually we know that doing short bursts of activity like that can create a healthier body, and will make those moments of rest that much better.

You can even tap into this appreciation when the extreme is one you enjoy!  If you are having a lovely vacation, with no work to stress over or normal adulting tasks that you find tedious to do, and perhaps you find your mind drifting back to work or beginning to dread the return to work (and thus detracting from your good time), you can take a moment to shift your perspective and instead be grateful for this moment and recognize how it will allow you to return to your normal tasks feeling rested and content.

One thing that may be helpful to practice is holding both a like and dislike for a particular experience in your mind at the same time.  So maybe you have a social obligation (work thing, family thing, friend thing), and there are aspects of it you really don't care for (whether that is the people present, the topics that are to be discussed, or even the location and activities planned), but there are also parts you do enjoy (good food, specific people you enjoy being with, getting to dress up and go out).  

 

By holding both the good and the bad in your mind at the same time, you temper the good with the bad.  You can do the same for whatever you 'wish you could be doing instead', and maybe you'd rather stay in with a good book, but you realize that doing that will make your friend sad (which you don't want to happen) or that you'll miss out on office drama, or just a general feeling of missing out (because you never know if it will be THE party).  

 

With both the good and the bad of where you are and where you wish you could be, you begin to see that nothing is cut and dry, nothing is just good or just bad.  It may take you a little bit to figure out the benefits of the thing you aren't too fond of or the downside of the thing you wish you could do instead, but the more you practice it, the easier it comes.

 

And being able to bring all the factors to the table lets you not only realize that sometimes we put too much importance on one aspect (yes, it may be a work function, but it's also a paid trip and some good dining) and we often over play the alternative (sure, we could skip it and stay home and play video games, but then maybe we won't be as strongly considered for the promotion that we really want).

 

Life is complicated and messy and very few things are only good or bad.  If we practice using these extremes in our life to show us a more balanced way of thinking about our experiences, we may find that these 'extremes' aren't really so extreme after all.