Pushing your boundaries

 I think it's a pretty common thing for people to be more open when they are first starting out on a path (or learning about a new thing), and the more we practice, the more refined our path becomes.  It's only natural to narrow our focus, especially as we learn more about what really works for us, and what doesn't.

However, I think we are doing a huge disservice, both to ourselves and to others, to keep our circle small and focused.  When we surround ourselves with people who are 'like us' we become an echo chamber, and we loose out on so much of the beautiful variety that makes the human race so special.

Now I know that it's not comfortable for everyone to step into spaces that we are unfamiliar with, and it's definitely not something that (most people) are comfortable with for the bulk of their practice, but I do feel that it's important to try to broaden your experiences as much as you are able to.  The more we can interact with people who are different to us, the more we enrich all of our lives!

I recently joined a witchcraft group that is very different to any I have been a part of.  Firstly, the age range is highly tilted towards people who are much younger than I am.  And while it is definitely intimidating, it's also hugely fascinating.  

I think age is one of those categories that we are socialized to limit ourselves within.  From early school days, we are lumped together with people 'in the same year', and making friends outside your year wasn't as socially acceptable as hanging out with people in the same year as you.  We carry this into adulthood (though our range does widen a bit), and many people spend most of their time socializing with others who are roughly their own age.

In some ways this makes sense, because you share a historic perspective...people your age have lived through the same stuff you have, they grew up during the same time and thus have a similar perspective.  Spending time with people younger or older than you (by more than a few years) is almost like learning a new language and definitely like stepping into a different culture.

Beyond age differences, spending time with people who walk different paths humanizes practices in a way that looking in from the outside (doing academic research and the like) will struggle to accomplish.  It shifts your brain from thinking about things in a clinical way and into thinking about things in a personal way.  

And that is something that I think we really need to lean into and embrace!  People are widely varied and we have so many lovely unique ways of facing the world, but underneath it we all share many commonalities, and it's SO  much easier to understand practices that feel very foreign to you when you have connected with someone who actually lives those practices.

Especially in this modern age, where everything is changing so quickly, I feel like socializing with people who are different (whether that means in age, in where they live in the world, in what path they walk or any number of other differences we may see in the people around us) lets us tap into the pulse of the current moment.  It lets you see how things have changed, especially for those of us who have been practicing for a while.

The conversations people are having today, about their practices, are both similar and so very different, from the conversations that people were having when I first started.  The discourse around culture and ancestry is constantly evolving, and when we talk about cultural differences, we absolutely need to have voices from within the cultures being talked about.  

I see my practice as a living practice.  It changes as I change, it grows and evolves when I learn new things.  I don't want to be someone who clings to a stagnant path simply because it's how I learned to walk it...I want to embrace the learning and growing we've done as a society and to listen to the voices that have been silenced for so long.

I don't think it's necessary to toss away my familiar practices in order to open myself to new ones, but I do appreciate any time spent with people who are in a different place than I am (whether that means they are a different age, walk a different path, live in a different part of the world or are a different gender/sexuality).  I find it really rewarding to be in spaces that let people of widely different circumstances interact....the conversations are amazing!

So even if you have a very established practice and are comfortable and happy with it, I think it's well worth it to also reach out and spend time with people who you might not ordinarily interact with.  It helps me stay connected and it enriches my life in ways that I would never have discovered if I stayed within my safe and familiar boundaries.

Adjusting cycles for imperfection

 One of the great things about working with cycles, like the moon cycle or the wheel of the year, is that they give us both structure and let us work with larger patterns.  But sometimes, our nice tidy cycles get interrupted for one reason or another, and we have to adjust, and that can feel frustrating, especially if it leaves you feeling incomplete.

There are a lot of ways things can be (or feel) interrupted.  We might get caught up in something else and forget to work part of a cycle, and then it may feel like we might as well just not bother with the rest.  But as someone who frequently gets sidetracked like this (and who is highly forgetful...), if I stopped every time I went astray...I'd probably not get to do a lot of things.

Sometimes, it's something entirely out of our hands, like how February has less days than the other months (and boy do those 2-3 days really feel like so much more...), and now you may have to adjust your actions to fit a different structure.  Or maybe you are used to working with the full moons in a particular way, and then there is a blue moon and now you feel all off kilter.

For me, the first (and often biggest) step is to simply acknowledge what's off (and why, if applicable).  So if I had planned on working the Wheel of the Year, but I missed a Sabbat, I will sit down and spend some time thinking (or journaling) about why I missed it.  This lets me acknowledge any issues that might keep me from further work (like if I missed it because I forgot, then I might make extra reminders for myself for the next one).

Sometimes, you can 'catch up' on things you missed, especially if you are flexible on timing.  If I miss a moon phase, I might still make a note of it in my witchy log and can even do the work I was going to do....just belated.  This is what I tend to do, as I find that it helps me feel more like I'm not just skipping over part of the greater cycle (which definitely makes me feel a bit lopsided).  Even a small bit of work feels better than nothing at all.

Another thing that may come up is when you encounter a cycle that is either already imperfect or you want to create a new cycle for yourself, but the timing and content don't line up (like let's say you wanted to spend a year learning the tarot, but you can't quite find a good way to split the deck into the framework of the year).  At that point, it's less of a matter of fixing the issue and more about finding the best fit and then accepting it.

One of the cycles that often is hardest for me to work with is the week.  We have so many models for what a week is, from the workweek/weekend to working with the energies of the days (which I love doing), but I build a lot of my schedule around my husband's work (which is only 4 days a week on a normal week), so I almost have to think of my week as two separate cycles that rotate around each other (and I also have to shift tasks so the ones that I prefer to do when I'm alone, like writing, can be done when he's working).  If a 'traditional' cycle doesn't work for you...feel free to change it!

When it comes to spiritual cycles, sometimes we need to adjust for who is there.  This might mean changing your cycle to include others if you are mostly solitary but maybe you know some witchy people who want to get together and do stuff (in a cycle you are already working alone, like the wheel of the year or the moon cycle).  Here you have the choice of either doubling down, doing your solitary work as usual and then working with others as a bonus activity...but that may feel a bit repetitive.  Instead, you might adapt your solitary work into something that other people can join in on.  You might even do some combination of both, doing only a minor work on your own (the bare minimum to tend to this part of the greater cycle work you are doing) and enjoying the group work as your main observation of this part of the cycle.

 

Or, maybe you regularly work with a group and have been working on a cycle together, but then you get sick and can't make a meeting or it has to be canceled for some other reason.  Your group might decide to adjust their plans to a format that lets everyone do stuff on their own this time, and then you can work together next time (and share your solo experiences).  Or maybe you decide to do a virtual meetup.  Or you could choose to do your own solitary work even if the rest of the group chooses to not plan anything.

Life isn't perfect, and expecting all the cycles you work with to be is just asking for disappointment.  The wonderful thing about these imperfections is they often drive us to try things we may not have come to in another way.  They force us out of our comfort zone and even if we run right back to our plans as soon as we can, we still made it through, and the next time things get a bit wonky, we will remember that making adjustments wasn't so bad.  Who knows, you may find that you enjoy things a bit lopsided!

The legalities of Love

 

With Valentine's Day fast approaching, love is in the air....except for those who are still fighting to be able to love the people they love.  It absolutely breaks my heart that there are people in this world who love other people, but they can't expect the same acceptance (and legal treatment) as others.  

Love is an emotion, like joy or fear.  It is a thing we experience, and we can't control it.  We love who we love, and when two (or more!) people love each other that is a beautiful thing.  It is something to be celebrated, not something that anyone should have to hide out of fear.

And yet, we live in a world where love isn't an equal right.  Even in countries where it isn't illegal to love or be with the person who you might love, if you can't legally benefit from the same 'rewards' of loving someone that other people have (like tax breaks, shared insurance or any of a bunch of other things that many cishet couples enjoy without thought), then you are legally being punished for loving who you love.

There are countless examples throughout history and across the globe of different types of love being restricted.  Whether it is love between people of different races, love between people of different genders, love between differing ages (I am NOT talking about pedophilia here, I am talking about love between consenting adults, but there is still stigma against for example a 30 year old being with an 80 year old), love if you are disabled and love between people from different socio-economic backgrounds.

One of the (many) things I adore about being Pagan is that a significantly greater proportion of our community embraces love in all it's splendor and it's many, many forms.  We have myths that showcase other forms of love and deities who you can work with who love in ways similar to you.  ((yes, there are some intolerant Pagans, but by and large, we don't tend to condone loving other people *Shrug))

The thing that I honestly just don't get about some of these legal issues is...why?  Why are so many things tied into having a marriage license?  Who does it hurt to allow people to love who they love?  And sadly, many of the answers are tied into...another religion.  Another religion that is being used to restrict, and I'll go so far to say harm, people that don't even follow that religion!

Regardless of you who personally love, I feel this is a very present issue to us all, as Pagans...and as humans.  We need to stand up and be very clear that we are not okay with other religions forcing us to live by their rules.

And we need to make sure that our own communities are making space for everyone.  We need to stay mindful, when we create rituals or talk about love, that we include not only love that manifests the way we love, but also love that looks different from the way we love.

Sometimes, this leads to difficult conversations, and it may mean building and enforcing boundaries around who you allow in your gatherings.  It means standing up for others in our community who are struggling, and lending your voice to theirs when they cry out against injustice.

And maybe we have our own inner work to do, around love and it's many varieties.  This is a great time of year to explore some old hangups you might have or to start unlearning some of your own ignorance.  If you have any preconceived notions about what love means or how other people love, then go out and talk to people!  Find someone who experiences love in a way that you aren't as familiar with and ask if they would be willing to share their experiences with you.  (and remember...love can be highly personal, so if the answer is no, always respect that!)

Especially if the way you love is legally 'acceptable', spending some time to think about what it would mean, practically and legally speaking, if YOU loved in another way...that will open your mind up to how things could be...and how things are for others right now.  The more we remember the inequalities that don't effect us, and the more we work to make those issues better...the better the world will be (and statistically speaking, if more people did this, then more people would also be acting on issues that DO apply to you).

So this Valentine's day, whether you have love in your life right now or not, take a bit of time to think about the people who can't love openly, or who don't have their love supported legally....and find some way to do something to support those people.

Imbolc, the home Sabbat

 Even in today's modern age, we tend to spend more time at home during the colder part of the year.  Imbolc is still a part of this colder time, even though it marks the beginning of spring.  I strongly associate Imbolc with the hearth, with the heart of our home.  And this got me thinking about it as a sort of house birthday.

We recognize anniversaries of so many things, and we spend so much time in our houses, but how often do we honor the role that our home plays in our life.  I'm not just talking about the physical stuff, keeping us out of the weather, protecting ourselves and our stuff, because home means so much more that that (as anyone who has lived in a place that doesn't feel like 'home' can attest to).  

And if you do live in a place where you don't feel at home, then you might want to apply this thought to somewhere that does feel like home to you.  Perhaps it is a friend's house, or a relatives, or that secret hidey hole that no one knows about...but it makes you feel safe.  Whatever space feels like home to you, Imbolc is a great time to celebrate that relationship.

When we celebrate a birthday, we are acknowledging that the person is important to us, and often we are doing things to demonstrate how much they mean to us...how important they are to our lives.  We give them a gift, something we think they will enjoy, as a marker of this celebration.

Shifting this idea to our home, we can take some extra time to clean things up (gift of service...and cleaning is often associated with Imbolc...spring clean!), or maybe get something nice that we've been wanting for our home:  a new piece of art, a cozy blanket, some fresh spring flowers.

Many Pagans like to work with their house spirit, and making a special offering or spending some time in communication (maybe through meditation or a chat through a divination tool)...just checking in and seeing how things are going and if there is something your home would like more (or less) of.

Candles and wishing are two things that are connected to Imbolc...and birthdays.  Why not light a candle for your house, and make a wish for your home for the coming year?  You could also dedicate a candle to your house spirit, and use it as a more regular practice, lighting the candle when you want to commune with or simply recognize the spirit of your house.

Food is another thing that plays a big role in both many Sabbat celebrations, but also in birthday gatherings.  As Imbolc is a festival of the hearth, it is a great time to cook those comfort foods that feel like a hug.  Maybe a recipe that has been passed down through your family and reminds you of when you were a child.  Or even a brand new dish that feels exciting or special.  And if cooking isn't your thing, then maybe splurge on a nice takeaway, you know that treat dish that just makes everything feel a bit better.

Just as in friendships, if you only wish someone a happy birthday and give them a generic gift, but you don't really talk the rest of the year, then your relationship might be a little distant or stiff.  Special observances like this should be just that:  special.  They shouldn't be the only time you work on them.  The more you can build the relationship between you and your home, the more in tune you will be with your surroundings and the more they will soothe you when you need that feeling of home.

But if you haven't worked with your home spirit before, don't fret!  Remember, every relationship starts somewhere, so take some time this Imbolc to recognize your home for all it does in your life.  And then start thinking about other times and places where you can reinforce this relationship.  Home is definitely a concept worth investing into!

Chinese New Year Taboos

 Chinese New Year is a time to welcome in the new year, in hopes that happiness and fortune (that we've hopefully already encouraged into our lives) will stay and prosper.  There are a lot of traditions surrounding this time, and many taboos, or things we shouldn't do.  Most of these are ways of discouraging bad stuff from lingering (or coming back) to us.

I find that a lot of New Year traditions (both Chinese and Western) are based on the idea that New Year Day (or the days of Chinese New Year, if you honor the full Spring festival) is representative of the whole year, so the stuff you do (and don't do) on New Year's day will follow you for the rest of the year.  (note:  some of the restrictions are based on particular days of the full Spring festival, so some restrictions may be for a slightly longer time than just the day, or for a different day than the actual day of New year)

With Chinese traditions, strictures are often included for homonyms: words that sound like other words.  This is a very common idea, that words that sound similar are linked, so acting out one of the words will bring in the energy of the linked word. 

Speaking of words, one of the big warnings is to not say unlucky words.  This basically means don't talk about stuff you don't want to happen in the next year.  Typical words to be avoided are:  death, illness, pain, suffering, poverty, loss, killing, etc.  This is one of the places where linked words are also avoided, so the number four is avoided (as it sounds similar to the word for death).  However, you can use euphemisms, so instead of talking about someone who has died, you might refer to them as having moved on or being in a better place.

On a similar vein, you should avoid fighting and crying.  Again, the idea is if you do these things, your year will be filled with fighting and loss.  Children are often given free reign (and not punished for things), to avoid scolding them (and thus them being scolded all year).  This also often leads to acts of peacekeeping, so neighbors might come by and make amends for any issues that came up over the past year, so that the new year will be full of peace.

Sweeping shouldn't be done, nor should you take out the trash, as you will be sweeping away your wealth or throwing out your good fortune.  If you do need to sweep, you should sweep from the outside in, so that you are collecting your money instead of sweeping it away. It is seen as unlucky to wash your hair, as hair and wealth are homonyms, so again you would be washing away your wealth.  For similar reasons, you shouldn't cut your hair.

There are several traditions around clothes.  It is best to wear new clothes, for a fresh start to the new year, but you should absolutely avoid wearing damaged clothing (you don't want to wear rags for the whole year!).  Black and white clothing are traditionally associated with somber occasions (like funerals), so they should be avoided.

You shouldn't wash your clothes either, as not only are you (again) washing away your wealth, but the water god is honored (on the first days of the new year), so to wash on his sacred days is seen as disrespectful.

Sharp objects shouldn't be used, which includes scissors, knives and needles.  Using sharp objects are often seen as encouraging quarrels and conflicts in the new year.  Sewing, in particular, is not to be done, partially as a break (mostly for the women), but also as it is felt that if you sew on the new year, the coming year will be full of work.

You should avoid breaking things, but if you do break something, you can wrap it in red paper/cloth or say a blessing over it (to turn away the bad luck, a common blessing uses the world year, which sounds like broken in Chinese to 'turn around' the energy of breaking stuff)

Porridge shouldn't be eaten for breakfast (because it's a poor person's food, and you don't want to start the year off 'poor').  A vegetarian breakfast can be seen as a way of demonstrating that you are in good health and don't need to eat extra meat.  Some feel meat shouldn't be eaten at breakfast as a way of respecting Buddhist gods (who are against killing animals).  Killing (even of animals), of course, should also be avoided.

I think it's interesting that you shouldn't wake people up, as that will lead to them being urged to work extra all year.  But you also shouldn't take a nap, or you will be lazy (and it's expected that you will have visitors, and it's rude to be napping when people come to call).

One should avoid visiting hospitals, as this is believed to bring more illness in the coming year.  Many people also avoid taking medicine, however this is often reserved for only minor issues (like maybe you don't pop a painkiller for a sore shoulder), and of course life-saving medications and emergency situations are exceptions.

You shouldn't lend or borrow money, as this will encourage debt.  Gifts are often a part of Chinese New Year, and if you gift money, it should be in even numbers, especially lucky numbers (like doubles).  Unlucky numbers (like four, mentioned earlier) should be avoided.  Also gifts with unlucky associations should be avoided (like watches/clocks which are a homophone of paying last respects)

This is just some of the more common, or well known taboos, but you can see the trends here, and it mostly boils down to:  do stuff that brings luck and avoid things that bring bad energy.  And those are just good tips to follow, in just about any situation!

Representation in Media

 Representation in media is something that is being talked about a lot more recently, especially around things like race, gender and sexuality, but it is also something that can be very emotional for those of us who follow a religion that doesn't always get good representation in media.

I am always drawn to books, shows and movies about witchy people.  And I don't need them all to be super realistic (though I would totally watch a 'real world' style show about Pagans...."20 Pagans share a house for a year...watch them do moon circles and Sabbats and just everyday stuff!"), I adore watching shows where the idea of Paganism or witchcraft is explored in a creative way....as long as they aren't all "witches are evil and horrible people!"

It really hit home this year, as I was watching the end of Motherland around the holidays and the Yule episode came up.  I adore holiday movies, even the really cheesy ones, but this was like a warm hug, just to see a Sabbat come up and people talking about their memories celebrating it.  

 

And it's not something we get to see a lot, and that makes my heart sad.  Because showing what we actually do and what our traditions mean to us, that is not only something wonderful for US to watch, but it becomes something that other people (who aren't Pagan or maybe don't even know what it means to be Pagan) can watch and see what we are about.

I think especially for anyone who is mostly solitary, having good media representation can fill in for those group gathers that you may not have near you.  Or if you simply don't have the funds to attend or maybe you are sick, you can still get that feeling of meeting up with others 'like you'.

I think people naturally want to see 'people like me' on the tv (or in books or advertising or wherever else media happens), and sometimes you don't even realize how much you were missing something, until you see it and it hits your heart like a freight train.

One thing I find interesting about watching any show where mythology comes into play is how much being Pagan just gives me a huge base of information (that feels SO basic to me), so when a deity or practice is referenced in a show, I know what the meaning of the reference is (and don't have to wait for the show to explain it...makes me feel quite smart sometimes!)

And I can just imagine a world where, not only Pagan practices are represented, but other faiths as well.  I'd love to see more shows that feature families practicing non-Christian religions (because let's be honest....99 percent of what is actually shown on most tv shows is Christian stuff...if the people are other religions, most of their religious practice isn't shown on screen).  I think it would go a long way in helping people be more open and understanding about other people's religions.

I feel like more people are disrespectful out of ignorance, and I also acknowledge that, if you only know of the mainstream media version of Paganism, it could lead to a lot of misconceptions.  And sadly, many people believe shows as Truth, even if it's a show that is obviously made for entertainment (you won't believe how many people think that the Marvel movies are an accurate representation of Norse deities...)

I think it's especially important for Pagans, as so many media representations paint us as the bad guy, and use just enough 'real' characteristics (like showing a character using tarot cards...but then being possessed by the devil for it *sigh), and the idea (that witches are evil) is repeated SO often, that it can be very hard for us to debunk those myths...without other good sources out there.

I have been happy to see more good shows lately that have slipped in some very Pagan ideas.  We have seen shows like the Good Witch or Charmed that show witches as the heroes (even if they give some things a fantasy upgrade, like the witchy powers in Charmed).  But we also still see a ton of horror movies where the witch is the big bad, so the scales are still tipped and we have a long way to go.

But I have hope.  Not only because I want to see more people like me in media, but because we (as a global community) are starting to have more conversations about things like this and we are starting to look for more ways to encourage representation of more groups.  And I think that is a wonderful thing!

Quiet Contemplation

 Life is a series of ups and downs, with times of frantic energy and times of stillness.  We just got through the holiday season, which is often very busy.  Many people have additional stresses around this time of year, whether it is due to spending more time with family (who may not 'get' you), or due to money issues, or just trying to get to all the parties!  And after such a busy time, it is often quite soothing to take some time to just...be.

If you already have a meditation practice, or a journalling practice, this could mean taking some extra time to slow down and just contemplate where you are at, right now.  This is a much more passive type of practice though, so there is no need to set a particular focus, just set some time aside to sit and think.

I often feel like we have really lost something in our busy modern life.  There aren't as many moments of stillness or times to just sit and be with ourselves.  There is always something to do, some distraction to keep you busy or something that needs attended to.  And if you wait for quiet moments to occur naturally, you may be waiting quite a while!

Instead, it is useful to schedule some down time.  Mark it in your calendar, make a sign for your door and put your phone on silent (or better yet, put it in another room!), and give yourself permission to take some time to yourself to just think.

It can feel kind of uncomfortable, at first, when you sit down for your quiet time.  And unlike many forms of meditation, you aren't trying to focus your mind one one thing, or keep it blank.  You are actually encouraging your mind to wander down whatever thought trails it wants.  

It can be helpful to have some kind of starting point, and I definitely feel that "how am I, right now," is a great one.  It starts you where you are, but as you know, thoughts are tricky things, and you may find yourself following a thought trail that leads you quite far from your starting point.

It's also perfectly fine to set some boundaries before you start.  If there are things that stress you out when you think about them, and you need a break from that, then absolutely shift your thoughts when those things come up.  There is plenty of time to sit with those uncomfortable thoughts at another time, when you aren't trying to recover from the business of the holidays.

I definitely find that I crave moments of quiet contemplation as my life gets busier.  Especially if I'm spending a lot of time with family (and thus having to put on my 'family face' lol), I find that having some time to just be myself, no apologies and no censoring, can really help me find that inner core of 'me' and gets me ready to go back out and handle whatever needs handled.

I should also point out that it's perfectly fine if you want to daydream as part of your contemplation.  I think daydreams are such amazing ways for us to explore different ways of being.  Maybe you have a favorite book/movie/show and you want to imagine what it would be like if you were part of that world.  Or maybe you always  wondered what it would be like to live as an animal.  Let your mind play in whatever world it wants, especially if your 'real' world is something you feel you need a little bit of a break from.

And there is NOTHING wrong with needing a break from your life sometimes!  It doesn't mean you don't love your people or that you are depressed...in fact knowing that you are stressed and need a break, and then planning time for it and actually taking that break is a very healthy way to handle the tough bits of life without either breaking down or avoiding things.  Just like you might take a rest when you are doing something physically demanding, taking some time for yourself in contemplation allows your mind (and emotions!) to rest, and is often quite refreshing.

So, if you find yourself feeling extra frazzled after the holiday season is over, try giving yourself some time to sit and think.  Let your mind wander, and even play with some daydreaming.  Even a small amount of time can give you that break you need, and allow you to return to your life feeling refreshed!