As a Pagan, I have lived my life interacting with people of other
faiths. As a minority religion, I feel that we are often more aware
of the religious differences around us that people who follow a more
mainstream belief system. I know that most people I pass on the
street don't share my beliefs and most likely if the topic of
religion comes up, it will be with the assumption that I am
Christian.
I am pretty secure in my faith. I had the discussion with my parents
about my beliefs when I was in College. My husband has known what
path I follow since we met. I don't go out of my way to either hide
or share my faith. Who I tell and how much I tell them really
depends on what type of relationship we have.
With strangers, I have no need to get into any lengthy discussion
about faith. I am not offended when people assume I am Christian. I
have no problems with discussing faith in terms that we can all
understand. The area I am in is definitely Christian by majority,
and if I am just chatting with someone while in a waiting room or
line, I don't feel like I need to get into the differences between
what I believe and what they believe. I really don't feel like total
strangers need to know about this aspect of my life. I can share
stories of how blessed I feel or how divinity has touched my life,
and have never gotten a strange look at my phrasing. My personal
belief is that we each walk a slightly different path anyways, no
matter how similar our beliefs might be. But under it all, I think
that feeling we feel when we connect with the divine can also connect
us to each other.
My husband isn't Pagan. In fact, he is an atheist. I know that he
doesn't share the bulk of my beliefs, and some he finds somewhat
incomprehensible. However, I also know that he loves me, and that he
supports my right to believe in and practice the things I believe in.
Our relationship works because we both acknowledge the other as
different from ourselves. He likes things I don't care for, and we
both have interests the other doesn't share.
Being in an intimate relationship with someone who doesn't share your
beliefs can be challenging. I have dated people in the past who were
very much aligned with my own practices. A lot of things were
easier. But I don't think that hard means impossible.
I think that the keys to making an interfaith relationship work are
both communication and balance. There are things I do that I have to
explain to my husband, where I wouldn't have to explain it to another
Pagan. There are also things that I would explain in much more
detail to another Pagan. I don't 'talk shop' as it were with my
husband.
Being married to a non-Pagan does effect my practice. While I do
have a lot of my practice out in the open, there are some things that
I might do if I were on my own that I don't do. I don't feel this is
any different than other compromises I make in my life as a married
person. Because I have more free time than my husband, I try to
organize my life so that when he is home, I am free to do things with
him and the things that he isn't interested in I do when he is not
here. But I also know that if there are rituals or meditation that I
feel I need to do at particular times, then all I have to do is tell
him that I will be doing something and ask not to be disturbed.
The majority of my extended family isn't aware of my beliefs. Though
my parents do know, they aren't really comfortable with the things I
believe (though they have never given me any grief over it). When I
visit with my family, my practice is much more subtle than it would
be at home. I have never felt right making other people
uncomfortable in their own homes. If I am a guest, even with family,
I try to be respectful of their beliefs. I don't bring candles and
incense with me when I visit them. I still do most of the same daily
things I do at home.
In a lot of ways, my daily practice isn't very flashy, so it is easy
for me to do things without being overt. I place a lot of weight on
intentions. When I look at my life, my actions and how I relate to
the other people in my life, I look more at why I do the things I do
than what I am doing. If I find that I am not doing something
because I am embarrassed to do it in front of other people, then I
often stop and really think about why I feel this way. I am pretty
stubborn, so if my first response is to hide, my next response is
often to go ahead and do it anyways. On the other hand, if I find
that my motivation for doing something is to draw attention, then I
try to figure out why I think I need that attention. Sometimes the
thing I was going to do isn't the healthiest way for me to get the
attention I need.
One thing I find somewhat frustrating is the idea that keeping things
to myself is somehow detrimental to the Pagan community. I have seen
it stated before that not 'being fully out' is one of the causes of
the general public not understanding and accepting Paganism. I am
not a supporter of the idea that every Pagan must be out in all
aspects of their life. To me, the choice on who to tell and how much
to tell them is a personal one that we each must make on our own.
And often those who think we should all be out, also think we should
be kind of loud about our beliefs, standing on a soapbox and
proclaiming for all to hear all of the things we believe. Not only
that but I think that forcing people to be out is not right, I think
that being too pushy about sharing borders on proselytizing. If I
don't want random people knocking on my door and telling me about
their church, they probably don't want me spouting out my entire
religious viewpoint while standing behind them in line for a coffee.
I don't think there is a blanket answer to how to handle interfaith
relationships. I think we each need to look at each of our
relationships and see what works and what doesn't. I don't think
that keeping some things private is always a bad thing. I don't
think it is deceitful to avoid full disclosure, especially to people
who aren't necessarily close to us. I try very hard to not flat out
lie, even to strangers, but I am pretty good at giving my own truths
in words that speak to the listener. I fully believe that some
people do not want to hear anyone's truth but their own, and I don't
feel the need to frustrate myself by trying to change that. If
someone is open to discussion and interested in actually learning
about me I am more than happy to talk about pretty much anything to
anybody.
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