As a Pagan, I call upon deities for aid, I pray to them when I am in need and I turn to them in times of turmoil. And yet, I have never felt like it was me in the seat of power. I think that there is a relationship between myself and any deity I work with, and that relationship flavors every interaction we have.
I think there are right ways to approach the divine. I have never felt like I was less than, but definitely different than, the deities I work with. I don't approach them as if I weren't worthy of being in their presence, but I also don't feel we are necessarily on the same level. It's kind of hard to put into words, but it is like we are operating on entirely different wavelengths. As a physical being, it is much easier (as far as I know) for me to walk over to my sink and fill a glass of water than it would be for Odin to make water appear in the glass. I think that as energetic beings, deities are more adept at working on that energetic level that is both more subtle and utterly limitless.
But back to the topic. There is a big divide in the way people deal with other people. And by people, I'm really talking about how they deal with every being that isn't themselves: deities, animals, spirits, humans. Some people treat every interaction like a bargain. If I give you this, what will you give me in return (or if I do this for you, what will you do for me)? A similar approach is to think of everything you have ever done for someone and keeping a sort of mental tally sheet of all the favors they owe you. Sometimes people play the pity card, and give you all the reasons why they can't do something themselves and why they need you to do it for them.
On the other side are people who do things for other people without a thought for what they might get back. They make sure that when someone does something for them, they express their gratitude, either by doing something in return or simply by saying thank you. They never think about relationships as a score sheet. And they are more likely to just do something themselves than to ask for help (even if they need it).
These aren't hard and fast groupings. Sometimes we act one way, and sometimes we may act another. Our head may be telling us to act one way and our heart leading us the other direction.
So what does all this have to do with Paganism? I think a lot of people see devotional actions to a deity as an act of bargaining. Perhaps someone will take up a regular practice of honoring a deity or doing works in a deity's name, with the expectation that they get something in return. And I feel that sometimes Heathen practice leads to this kind of exchange of energy. That there is a sort of honorable duty to repaying any gift or service. And yet, I don't feel that other people are obligated to me. Rather, I see the obligation on my side, that if someone does something that is meaningful for me, that I should find some way to express that.
I definitely don't think of other people as being beholden. Actually, I don't think of myself being beholden to anyone else either. I am beholden to myself. If I say I will do something, then I do feel an obligation to do that thing. Outside of that, I am my own person and I don't owe anyone anything that I haven't chosen to give. I have known people who try to use guilt to force others to do things they wouldn't otherwise, and it's not something I feel I need to fall prey to.
And while I do petition my deities for help when I need it, I don't feel it is begging. I don't ask for things I am not working on myself. I try very hard, actually, to ask for help when I need it. I tend to be somewhat stubborn, and dig in my heels and try to do things on my own. And we all need help sometimes. Learning to ask for help and support is not something that comes naturally to me.
I think that the more I build my relationships on honesty, the more solid they will be. This means that there are people in my life that I don't do much for, because that would imply that I want to deepen the relationship, and I don't. There are also people in my life that I spend a lot of time and effort on. These are the ones that I feel are important to me, and part of what brings my life joy is bringing joy into theirs. This is true of deities I work with. There are deities that I spend a lot of time and energy working with. And much like I may lend a hand by doing something that would help out a friend, I see sacred action in the same light. So I do things that I think the deities I work with would like, just because I want to bring joy into their lives. It's not always about what you get in return. Sometimes the actions you do for someone else are a return gift in their own way because you know that you have made their life better.
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