Two years ago, I participated in the Pagan Blog project, which I enjoyed immensely. Sadly, it ended, and last year I attempted to do something similar with the Cauldron Blog project, but (as you can see by the state of my blog) didn't go as well.
I definitely get inspired by things, jump into them with both feet and the best of intentions, and sometimes end up burning out and abandoning them. Last year was quite underwhelming for me on a lot of fronts. I had also intended on using a desk calendar as a sort of 'yearly log', not only was I marking down my daily rune draw (which I actually kept up with), but also intended to jot little notes down everyday. Just things I learned, phrases that stuck with me or other tidbits like that. That project only lasted a few months.
Life is a process, and the more I move along, the more I learn. I definitely learn as much from where I falter (when I take the time to look back and examine my unfinished projects) as I do from my successes.
I want to blog more. I am a big fan of words, of talking about stuff, and the blog format works really well for me. It forces me (through the knowledge that it is out there and that other people can read it) to formulate my ideas in a way that (I think) will make sense to other people. There are times where those little niggling doubts jump in my mind, asking why I bother, not that many people will read this, will it even be interesting to anyone?
But I keep in mind the vast number of words I have read that have touched my heart, often in the most surprising of places. The way I figure it, if even one line in one of my posts means something to someone out there, then it will have been worth it. Actually, even if it only helps me, I definitely learn by writing!
One of my start of the year projects is going through my favorites (on my browser) and dealing with my plethora of links. I have been using delicious (an online link saving site) for years now, and had accumulated quite a lot of links. Some are so old that they are broken, some are about things I am not super interested in, and oddly enough I had quite a few Wikipedia pages saved (seriously, I have no clue why I saved those links as I could just wiki search and find them again probably quicker than looking for my saved link). I am on the letter E now, of my alphabet of tabs, and am down to 900 something links.
One thing that was quickly apparent, as I started this link-purging process, was that my taste was and remains broad and a little crazy. My brain wants to know things...about everything. My dad said something to me a while back, talking about books. My bookshelves are a similar mess of too many and all subjects. And I had made the comment to my dad that I just had more books than I could read (I think it was right after I had gotten my kindle, so with all the free digital books out there, I literally could read non-stop for the rest of my life and still probably not finish reading all the content that I have). And he told me that even though I might be interested in everything, my time was limited. So I had to make choices about what I wanted to spend that limited time doing.
That is a really powerful thought to me, and it has become a sort of measuring stick for me. I don't ask myself anymore, "is this something I want to know about," because pretty much the answer will be yes. Rather, I ask myself, "is this the thing I MOST want to know about right now." And as I am writing these words, it occurs to me that is sort of how I am approaching much of the rest of my year, not just in learning but in doing as well.
I have the luxury of staying at home. Many days, other than cooking dinner for my family, there isn't much I actually HAVE to do. And this leaves me in a very tricky spot. I acknowledge how lucky I am to be in this dilemma, but the fact remains that I have wasted many a day doing what amounts to killing time just because I had no clear focus. I did what was here and not what I really had a drive to do, and then at the end of the day looked back and wondered how I managed to go an entire day and not do anything.
So, this year, the calendar makes a return, but my focus has shifted. I am taking the time to schedule myself for the day. I am planning what I want to do in the morning, so that I can keep going back to that list of things and keep myself on track. I am setting aside time for me...time to do whatever I may feel the need to do that day. Today, it was actually taking a nap. The first week back to a school schedule (I do get up with my son to see him off to school still) after the holiday late nights. We are all night owls, given the choice, we will sleep from about 1 or 2 in the morning until around 11...needless to say breakfast isn't eaten often on holidays. So I end up sort of sleep starved the first week, as I get used to actually going to sleep at a more reasonable hour.
My other main focus for this year is to tune inward and open up. I am wanting to focus on moon cycles, and in just the past two months have definitely realized that I am much better at doing than I am at opening myself up and really being aware of what comes to me. And I feel like I am closing myself off to so much by not being able to listen well. So I am on a moon based track this year, a listening and a stillness and a looking inward. But of course the moon has it's phases so there will be plenty of action too. It actually is kind of crazy how quickly time flows, now that I am working on really being present throughout the phases, realizing that some of them are a mere 3 days keeps me on my toes!
And so, for anyone out there reading this, there will be more blog posts this year! I am not sure what they will be about yet, I don't have a particular plan for them. But they are on my schedule, every Wednesday (possibly more!), so check back and have a wonderful year!
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