Recently, it has been repeatedly brought to my consciousness that I have some serious issues in regards to money. I know a lot of this stems from my early years. My parents were well off, we never wanted for things, and often more than enough to buy the things we desired. I would classify my childhood as upper-middle class.
I was given an allowance, to help me understand the importance of money and how to handle it, but instead of being given cash, I was given a virtual checkbook. Each month I could add my allowance total to it, and as I wanted things, and chose to spend my money on them, I would deduct the amount from my checkbook and my parents would buy them for me. Much like when we played Monopoly, they would readily fix any errors I made in my favor, but I was responsible for making sure I wasn't short changing myself.
On paper it sounds like a good system, but in reality it didn't turn out that way. I remember many times where I wanted something little, like candy, and either didn't feel like asking if I could get it or I would ask and somehow my mom wouldn't have the money on her (though if we were at a store with candy, it was probably the Grocery store, so I don't know how that actually worked, it's just what I remember happening). So I sort of had this knowledge that I had money, it just wasn't much use to me.
I went to college, but didn't graduate. I lived with some roommates for a while around this time, but didn't have a proper job, so my parents were still paying my bills. I met my (now) husband, and moved with him across the ocean and the continent (from Hawaii to Indianapolis), and we have been together ever since. So I really never lived on my own, nor have I ever been truly responsible for my own living situation.
Don't get me wrong, I have had full time jobs. Before our son was born I worked, and when he was very young I worked as well. But my husband was always there as a sort of safety net, and he always was the larger income (due to his previous job experience and training as an electrician). I was more or less stuck with entry level jobs, sometimes not even able to find full time work.
We've always had joint money, never had any kind of his and hers accounts. And we've had some very rough times over the years (though we are definitely doing better now). There were a lot of times, especially when our son was young, where there was no extra money. I think those days are sort of seared into my brain.
I think I've sort of become accustomed to not having money (or I guess I should say not having expendable cash). It is pretty common for me to not have any cash in my wallet. And while we do have bank accounts and debit cards, I am very much in the habit of not buying personal things with the debit card unless I have talked to my husband. Definitely something that has it's roots in the times where there might not be money in the account after bills are paid.
A part of me is so used to not having cash that I don't often think in terms of money. If I have a skill or information to share, my first thought is never to charge for it. I don't think there is anything wrong with charging for things at all. Rather I am still working through personal issues about my own worth. I have a very hard time evaluating what I would be worth, and to me, it is less stressful to just share what I have or know than to think about what I might charge for it.
Recently I have realized that I get sort of offended by some people and how they approach charging for things. It's not so much the money, per say, though I do think that some price points are seriously out of line. But it's a free world, and if you want to charge $500 dollars for an hour of coaching, more power to you. It is your choice to do so, and your client's choice to pay what you are charging.
I have serious issue, however, with anyone trying to guilt me into paying their price for something when I have already said several times I am not able to afford it. I know a lot of people have stepped out of their comfort zones, committed to paying a fee that they couldn't afford at the time, and then worked hard to be able to make all of their bills and pay it off. Perhaps I am just not self-confidant enough to do that, or perhaps I still carry the weight of not being able to pay bills because the money just wasn't there. Either way, the moment you start telling me I should go behind my husband's back and pay you more money than we spend on rent in a month, is the moment I am over it.
I don't think that a husband and wife (or anyone in any kind of financial partnership, whether they are roommates, dating, or in a business together) should be making these kind of big decisions without consulting their partner. If a decision might actually bankrupt you, lead you to having no roof over your head (or no food on the table), then it is my personal opinion that you should be having a discussion about it.
And it's not always about the amount of money or how it is being earned. Sometimes, what bothers me is the way in which someone asks. I have been blessed to be able to attend some absolutely lovely (and free) on-line retreats, rituals and lectures. I am very thankful for the people who put these on, and know that many of them also have related businesses and that these free offerings are one way in which they get new clients. However, sometimes I think the timing is just not right to bring up money.
One that stands out in my mind was a virtual Sabbat ritual. To me, the Sabbats are religious services...holy time. To have someone try to sell a book during one really shocked me. It would be like someone offering to pray for you, and then half-way through their prayer to start to explain the many reasons why you should hire them to cut your lawn. It felt sort of sacrilege and definitely put a pal on the atmosphere for me. If they had just waited until the end of the video, or perhaps sent a follow-up email about the book, I would have had no issue at all.
The final thing that bugs me, in regards to money and services, is when someone more or less lies to you, dangling the free carrot in front of you and uses it as an excuse to pitch to you. I remember when I was little, my parents used to attend 'free' weekends at different time-share companies. We would get a free stay at the time-share, in return for attending several hours worth of sales-pitches. I always loved them, because the places were always nice. I didn't mind the sales-pitch, because I knew that it was the price of the stay.
As an adult, I've gone through similar experiences (on a much smaller scale). I love free stuff, and am happy to listen to you give me a sales-pitch to get a free paring knife. What I don't like is when you tell me you are giving me a free video or lecture, and then not actually sharing anything except the sales pitch and perhaps a few one-liners that don't actually teach anything (well not without buying whatever it is they are selling).
I recently listened to an hour long lecture that was supposed to share tips on how to achieve your ideal weight. The speaker spent the first 20 minutes talking about the topic, but not really saying a lot, almost like they were leading into the subject. Then, still hinting that more information was to come, they spent 40 minutes selling their program (which apparently was where all the actual tips and information was).
I took notes (and I tend to be pretty wordy when it comes to notes...I always like to write down everything and anything that could be useful). I have maybe 10 lines of notes, and some of that is just different wording of the same thought. I could probably sum it up in two or three sentences.
Again, it wasn't that I minded getting a sales pitch. What I minded was the bait and switch where they promised to share what they had learned, and then instead just tried to sell a product.
Most of the time, sales is not just about making the sale. You want your customer to be happy with what they got for their money. You want them to want to come back, to want to share your service or product with their friends.
I think this is especially true in the magical community. So much is built upon reputation and personal interaction. The more connections you build, the better you will do, whether you are trying to make a little extra on the side, simply expand your skills and offer your services, or make enough to pay your bills while serving your community. I don't think there is anything wrong at all with someone earning their living through their craft, or through teaching, or counseling or however else you may answer your personal calling. But I think we owe it to ourselves and each other to approach money and charging for things with integrity.
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