I've set a lot of goals over the years. Some, I've met, and others I've failed horribly at. But I've learned a lot along the way, and I'm getting better not only at setting realistic goals, but at sticking to my plan, even when things get rough.
There are many reasons why you can fail to reach a goal. Some are absolutely out of our control. If our goal is to go for a thirty minute walk three times a week, and we break our leg, there isn't much we can do about that. On the other hand, if we decide to catch up on that new show on tv, then that is our own choice. Most of the time, reality falls somewhere in the middle. We may find that we start off with the best intentions, but we don't think about all the factors. By the time we get home from work, get dinner sorted and spend some time with our family, it's time to get ready for bed.
Some of this comes down to willpower. At some level, we have to take responsibility for our own choices. If we intend to eat healthier, but we still eat junk food every day and drink nothing but soda, we need to admit that we are making poor choices and that we may need to do something to help ourselves when we are feeling weak willed.
One of the easiest ways to give yourself a willpower boost is to engage other people in your journey. Not only can they encourage you on when you are having a rough day, but sometimes just knowing someone else expects you to tell them how you are doing is enough to push you to make that extra effort to get things done. I know that is a huge motivator for me. I almost always make goals that involve other people. Ones that are purely for myself and that no one else knows about have a much greater chance of falling through.
Another good way to keep yourself on track is to write down your plan and break it into steps. Make checklists and schedule things on your calendar. It is much easier to get things done when you have a clear sense of when they are going to happen. Not only does this make you actually stop and think about when you have time to do things, it also has that time set in your head now as 'belonging' to your goal. It's no longer a matter of reaching the end of your day and realizing you didn't have time for something.
I've become a huge fan of the calendar as a check list. I can set myself a list of tasks for the day, and refer to it as I go along, to make sure I'm not forgetting anything. I tend to get hyper-focused on things, so it is very easy for me to get involved with something and forget that I have other things that I need to do. I also sometimes forget things if they aren't things that I do all the time. And, being that I don't work, some days I forget what day of the week it is. Having everything marked down in a calendar means I don't have to keep part of my mind constantly trying to make sure that I'm not forgetting stuff.
Setting yourself rewards for getting steps of your goal done is also a great way to help keep you on track. You always want to make sure your rewards are things that actually boost you up, and definitely nothing that makes you feel guilty or is counterproductive to your goals. So, while buying a fancy chocolate and really savoring it is a fine reward for a week of healthy eating...buying a chocolate cake and eating it really isn't. Things that I find work well for me are to remind myself that when I get done with all the things on my to-do list for the day, I can relax and watch a show, play a game or read a book...without feeling like I should still be doing something else (and I really try to keep myself firm on not doing any of those 'fun' things until I get my tasks done).
One of the reasons why a lot of new year resolutions fail is because people pick huge goals and then try to go at them full tilt. They may be super motivated, and really into it...for the first week or so, but they quickly burn out. And once you loose that momentum, it often seems harder to get back going than it did before you started.
It is really hard to make big changes, or to make a lot of changes all at once. It is often better to pick one change, and start small. Once that thing has become natural to you, then you can increase it or pick a new small thing to add. Try to reach a new balance with each thing you add before you push yourself again. This allows your body and mind to adjust as you go instead of resisting you.
Another problem that happens with some goals is not being specific enough. 'Be more active' may be a good idea for a goal, but you will really want to be specific about what that means to you so that you know how well you are doing. Setting a quantifiable goal means you can absolutely say that you did or did not meet your goal. It helps you to push yourself that last little bit to make your goal for the week instead of slacking off because you already did 'something'. Many times, when I get close to meeting a goal, it motivates me even more. This is particularly helpful anytime I'm having an off day and don't really want to do the work.
Ultimately that's what a goal is: it's work that we need to do in order to have something we want. Technically the thing we want is the goal, but the work is absolutely implied. And this is where we sometimes trip ourselves up. We have what we think is a goal, but it's actually more of a wish. It's something we want, but we really aren't willing to do the work. It's something we may dream about, but we want it to fall into our laps or magically happen...we don't want to do what is necessary to create it in our lives.
Sometimes, it takes failing to realize that something is a wish and not a goal. It is always a good idea to really examine any failed goals to see what went wrong and to see if perhaps the goal wasn't right for you. It is entirely possible that things just didn't add up right then, and after looking at it, you can see what went wrong and correct for that when you go after that goal the next time. Other times, when you start examining what happened, you realize that you were holding yourself back. You may find, through deeper introspection, that you didn't actually want the thing you thought you did, or perhaps you didn't want it enough to be willing to do the work.
There is nothing wrong with this! We can want things and still not want them enough to do the work. I may think it would be really cool to be able to do parkour, and yet I don't think it I am willing to do all the training and suffer the injuries required in order to become good at it (and it is something that if I were to try for, I would definitely want to be good at it!). I also know that I don't 'want' to be skinny enough to give up certain foods. To me, my enjoyment of food is worth more than loosing that weight. And ultimately I'm okay with that.
I think the final tip I have for following through on a goal is to keep it always around you. You should be reminded of your goal every day at least once. The more you keep the goal on your mind, the more you will think about it and the more you will start working towards it. If you only think about something once a week, not much will get done on it.
It doesn't matter what goals you set. When you set a goal, you want to make sure it is something you are willing to work to attain. You want to give yourself the tools to help you along the way, whether that means creating a schedule, getting people to encourage you and keep you on track or leaving notes to yourself so you are constantly reminded about it. And even if you fail, use that experience as a tool to find out more about yourself and your motivations so you can set a new goal that is better tuned to your needs!
No comments:
Post a Comment