If there is one thing that is constant in life it is change, and change often comes as a result of growth. Part of the growing process is moving out of where we are comfortable, it is leaving our safe haven behind and taking chances. It might seem traumatic or scary, and there is often risk involved, but it is not only a necessary part of life, but also a very rewarding one.
There are many types of shells we might find ourselves in. We build up barriers when we are vulnerable. Sometimes this is because of trauma or to help protect ourselves from an actively dangerous situation, a sort of bunkering down. When the hazard has passed, we may find it more difficult that we thought to leave our safe place behind!
But other times, we build these walls so that we can expose very new and vulnerable parts of ourselves. This is a gradual process, and at first we may not be ready to expose these bits to the word, and so we let them out, a little at a time, inside our own minds, where we can adjust to the new parts. Even once we are comfortable in privacy, we may feel concern about showing these new developments to others. We worry about what they will think about us, or if they will fight back, trying to make us return to who we were before.
The thing about a shell is that it is not only a barrier of protection, it is also a restriction. You may feel (and be) safe inside it's walls, but you are limited in what you can do. And sometimes this is worth it. Take the recent lockdowns. Many people chose to stay home, to keep themselves and the others in their community safe. But as we start to see vaccines becoming available, we will be able to crack our 'shell' and start being more interactive again.
And yet, we can cling to our small, safe world. Looking out beyond our door, we may worry about how safe things actually are. It is also a very common phenomenon that we have grown attached to our space, and the outside world that used to feel normal is now somewhat ominous. Our perceptions have warped, and it can be hard to convince our minds that what used to be dangerous isn't any longer.
The thing with shells is that we don't have to smash them all to bits all at once. We can poke a little hole, and peek outside and take the measure of the world. Just because we 'can' go outside, doesn't mean we need to fly across the world or start attending huge parties. We can dip our toes in, and start small. We can limit our exposure to the space outside our shell to small forays, and when we start to feel uncomfortable, we can return to where we feel safe.
Sometimes, we may think we aren't ready, and the temptation is to remain inside our shell much longer than we need to. We may start to feel constricted by our shell, like the walls are closing in on us. But we still resist going outside, because we feel like however bad it is inside, it's worse outside. This is another reason to take small steps outside, because it gives us a chance to test the waters. We can go out for a little bit, and do something small, and then come back inside. What is important is to honestly consider how we felt about the whole thing. This is something we may want to do after a bit of time has passed, because it is very easy to fool ourselves while we are in an uncomfortable situation, but once we have had time to settle back in, we may look back and realize it wasn't so bad.
The thing about breaking free from our shells is that it is a matter of acclimatization. It's like easing your way into a tub of cold water. The first time you put your foot it, it feels freezing! But if you keep dipping that toe in, every now and again putting it in a bit further, before you know it you will be sitting in the tub and you will feel fine.
Another big hurdle can be when you don't realize you are in a shell at all! Sometimes, when we are thinking of a new project or wanting to change something about ourselves, we find ourselves shying away from actions that would actually bring the change into being. We may tell ourselves it's not the right time, or that no one would be interested, or that it's too hard. And we may not even realize how often we build up these little walls, that become a complete shell...because we refuse to see them. But suddenly we turn around and it's been a year since we had that idea, and we keep shoving it down and not working on it.
The first thing you need to do, if you think you have an invisible shell, is look for signs of it. This may mean actually writing down your ideas (and goals). You will want to make sure you date things as well, because it's very easy to refuse to accept how much time has passed if you don't have a record of it. It's like goal setting, you don't want to leave your goals open ended, because it's too easy to never get around to them (building up those walls!).
Once you realize you have a shell built up, you can start working on finding it's dimensions. Knowing exactly what is holding you back gives you a way to start dismantling it. You will want to list all of the things that are stopping you from changing. Start with a single list, but then it can be helpful to split the list into two categories: one for things you can do stuff about, and one for stuff you can't. You can take the list of things you can do stuff about and use it as a blueprint for a plan to move forward. As for the other list, most often it is shadow work, things that either are groundless fears you can work through or they are worries about things that might not even happen (and building a contingency plan can help you move past them).
Shells can be helpful, they can keep us safe, but they also keep us locked in place. When we want to grow or move forward, we need to be able to break free of our shells, but in a safe way, so we aren't setting ourselves up for failure. Poke a hole, take a peek outside, and see if it's time to start making your way out into the world. You may be surprised at what you find...
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