One of the things that I find somewhat
aggravating is people who will talk your ear off about how devout
they are in their faith, and yet much of their practice is all talk
and no substance. Especially when it comes to following the tenants
or rules of their belief. I know that everyone has different levels
of what works for them when it comes to faith. For some, simple
belief is enough, they feel it in their hearts and that fulfills
them. I am fine with this! But if you are going to tell me that you
follow certain rules, then follow them.
How does absolution relate? One of the
things that I find absolutely ridiculous is using a concept like
absolution of sin as an excuse for why it is okay to break the rules.
I have seen a lot of people do this with the concept of Confession.
They think that they can do whatever they want, go to confession, do
a minimal penance, and all those things they did are now magically
erased.
I am fully okay with people making
mistakes. I make mistakes all the time. Sometimes, I find myself
even thinking “wow, I shouldn't be doing this” WHILE I am doing
something, and yet don't manage to pull myself to a stop. It is a
failing I am aware of, one I am working on improving on, and one I
know I have a long way to go to master.
Life isn't simple. Sometimes we are
faced with bad choices. Not just a hard choice between what we might
want (like that piece of cheesecake) and what we know is right (like
sticking to the diet so we can drop those excess pounds we don't want
to have), but a really bad choice (like the choice between seriously
hurting someone else or letting them seriously hurt you). And
sometimes we have to make selfish choices. Sometimes it is the right
thing to tell our loved ones that we can't do the things they want us
to do because we need time for ourselves (and yes, needing relaxing
'me' time is a necessity, even if all I do with it is take a bath or
watch tv).
And sometimes we choose to make bad
decisions. I think there is a fine line of distinction here.
Choosing poorly, but with knowledge is different, in my book, then
trying to justify a bad choice with excuses. If I decide to have
that extra drink, knowing full well it will put me over my limit,
that is a bad choice. If I make it knowing that it might lead me to
making other stupid choices because I am now drunk, it is still a
choice to take that drink (or the several drinks that took me to the
limit in the first place). I am still the one making this choice.
The minute I pick up my glass, I am loosing my right to come back the
next day and expect people to forgive me for whatever dumb stuff I
did drunk “because I couldn't help myself, I was drunk”.
No one is required to forgive you for
anything you do. People who care about you will probably forgive you
for quite a lot...the more they care for you, the more forgiving they
can be. Most people do have a line though, that no matter how much
they care about you, they just can't forgive certain things.
Now, in my path, there is no priest who
will absolve me of my sins (well and sins aren't exactly part of my
path either). I don't feel that my gods are keeping some kind of
tally sheet and giving or taking away points for things I do (and
does that ever sound like a Hogwarts house point analogy...). I
answer to myself. I hold myself up to certain standards. And when I
don't meet those standards, it is me who meets out the punishment
(often in feelings of inadequacy or shame).
So how does absolution fit into this
path? Well in the reverse way that it often fits into other paths.
I don't feel that I need less absolution, sometimes I feel I need
more. My innate tendencies are to really dwell on my mistakes. When
I trip or stumble, I will rehash the event in my mind, over and over.
It can be very hard for me to let go of things.
I definitely feel this is because I
hold myself to a higher standard, not because I feel I am better than
anyone else, but rather because I often know exactly why I failed.
When someone else makes a mistake, I never know for certain if it was
because they were having a bad day, because they just didn't feel
like putting forth more effort or if they truly tried their utmost
and just couldn't manage. With myself, I know what happened, and if
it was in any way my fault, it can be hard to forgive myself and let
go of those past failings.
And I think letting go of mistakes is
very important. It is hard to move forward, when you are constantly
looking back, and even harder when every time you look back you
remind yourself of how you failed.
So how do you make absolution a part of
your life without making it a convenient excuse for everything? I
believe this comes through mindful attention, honest assessment and
heartfelt expression.
We must pay attention to what we do.
Most of the ways in which I regularly fail are when I act without
thinking first. Habits can be truly deadly to proper living. You
must also be mindful to be aware of when you have faltered.
This leads right into assessment.
Sometimes, things truly are out of your control, but many times we
like to turn a blind eye to our own involvement. I don't accept “I
didn't think about it,” as an excuse from myself. But the other
half of honest assessment is to really look at how involved you truly
were. It is very easy to start laying the blame heavily on yourself,
and sometimes it wasn't all (or at all) our fault.
The final piece is to acknowledge what
was done. This can be as simple as admitting to yourself what you
did, or it can mean talking to other people who were also effected.
It can involve actions to help correct what happened, or simply to
try to show others that your mistake isn't how you truly feel. The
key here is that they really have to be from the heart...empty
gestures are exactly that: empty.
Sometimes we all need a little
absolution, but seek it from the right source and in the right way.
No comments:
Post a Comment