I think we all have days where we are tired, drained, out of sorts, sick or for whatever reason just can't find the energy to do the things we may want to. And especially when it comes to our spiritual path, we want to be able to commit ourselves to our actions, to really be present and fully centered in our actions, but sometimes we just don't feel up to it.
We each have our own rhythms and some people may have more up days while others may have fewer. You may have these great and wonderful ideas in your head about how you would like things to be, but when you think about actually doing them, you can't seem to get yourself moving.
I have my fair share of days that I just want to sit around, toss something meaningless on the tv and do absolutely nothing. Sometimes it's a physical thing, I'm under the weather, didn't get enough sleep or am run down for some other reason. Sometimes it's an emotional thing and I'm just sort of in a dark place where nothing seems worth it.
I don't think there is anything wrong with taking days off, even with forgoing your regular daily practice, whatever it may be. I have skipped days of my regular routine. Sometimes it's because life got in the way...if I need to be out the door at 6:15, I am not likely to do my regular stretching and meditation when I wake up (because boy would I be cranky to have to get up early enough to do it!). Sometimes it's because I just can't drag up the desire to do it.
I do know that almost always, if I do manage to get myself motivated and do something, even if it wasn't the full thing I had planned on doing, I'll feel better and more balanced. The trick is finding the things that you CAN do, the things that work for you, and letting your practice build from there.
One of the things that hasn't always been a formal part of my practice is Sabbats. Being a solitary practitioner who has had a family for the bulk of my personal practice, as much as I would love to have big, fancy rituals every month and a half, with a full circle cast, themed feast and drink and seasonal personal work.....realistically it just doesn't happen. I do try to keep my altar refreshed for each Sabbat (though I am still working on collecting items for all the Sabbats), even if all I do is give it a thorough clean and change out my altar cloth to a more seasonally appropriate color.
I love candles and lighting them. There is something intrinsically magical to me about candles, and flame has always been a beautiful thing to me. I also adore the smell of a candle that has just been blown out (one more reason why I love to light a candle for prayers right before bed). But I have cats, who aren't very smart about candles. I used to leave them burning while I went about my day, but popped out one day to check the mail, and came back to the smell of burning fur and one of my cats standing with her back to the candle....and her tail hovering close enough over it to be singing! She didn't seem to notice....I was very relieved to see that she only lost a little fur and didn't get hurt, but that was the end of me burning candles when I wasn't sitting right in the room with them.
I also don't like burning candles too close to my computer...which is where I spend most of my day. I am sometimes quite clumsy, and the last thing I need is to smack a candle and spatter hot wax all over my keyboard.
So what does all this have to do with practicing when you are down? The act of burning a candle might lift me up, but having to manage the candle while it is burning (so that I make sure it's not dangerous) isn't always something I want to be bothered with. It has changed what kind of candles I tend to stock up on. While I still have lots of pillar and tea candles, I prefer to light them when I know I'm going to have them burn for at least half an hour...otherwise they just burn a hole down in the middle by the wick.
Instead, I like taper candles for my prayer candles...I can burn them for short periods and blow them out and they burn down just fine. When I am worn out and not able to do full prayers, I can still light a candle, bow my head and sit in silence for a breath or two. Or even just talk about how I am not feeling right (my prayers are highly informal, conversational style).
I also always have birthday candles on hand for quick spellwork. Plus, they are small enough that I can easily burn one in a small bowl and keep them contained!
I run into a similar issue with incense. I have a ton of incense sticks, both full sized and the little mini size, as well as cones and loose incense. Incense can be a double whammy for me. Sometimes, it is too strong inside, especially as our apartment isn't huge and is not open. While I feel less concerned about the safety of the burning incense, I still prefer to be nearby as it is burning.
I've come to love burning bay leaves as incense. The smell reminds me of some of the Asian temple incense that I love. They flare up and crackle and burn up about a half inch of the leaf before the flame dies, then you can watch the little embers consume the burnt part. Even with a large leaf, having to relight it about five times to burn the whole thing, it still only takes a minute or two, and it is a sort of entrancing practice. I light a candle (so I don't have to hold a lighter or match to burn it), and use a metal spoon rest to catch the ash (and so if I need to drop the burning leaf, it's not going to scorch my table...)
I also love the very simple practice of lighting a match. Much like I love the smell of candles that have just been extinguished, I also like the smell of a match being lit. I like matches for quick banishing. You can write a single word on the stick, or just hold it in your hand and think about what you are releasing. Then light it up and watch it burn! (I think I just like burning stuff, but this always makes me feel slightly better)
I love to meditate, but this is definitely something that if I am in an off mood I can't always do. Or at least I can't do in my normal way. Some days, I'll just lay on the floor...often on my back, with my arms stretched out, but sometimes on my stomach with my arms folded and my head resting on them. I don't actually DO anything...I just let myself lay there. It's a grounding and meditative practice, but it's entirely passive.
Another thing I do is listen to music. I'll find a song that fits my mood and let myself just listen to it. Normally I'll close my eyes, I may or may not sing (sometimes I mouth or whisper the words....that often feels more tuned in to me for some reason). If I had wanted to do a larger ritual but wasn't up to it, I might pick a few chants that fit what I wanted to do and play them.
Ultimately, I don't feel that there is any shame in not doing full ritual or regular practice when you aren't up for it. I have never felt that spirit is disappointed when I am in a low place and don't do something (even if it was something that I had made a previous commitment to doing). Some days, just thinking to myself, "Well, I had wanted to do a ritual today, but there is no way I can, I'm sorry," makes me feel better and reassures me that I am okay. For me, showing up and doing anything, even just acknowledging that I can't do something, is better than beating myself up for not doing a bigger thing.
No comments:
Post a Comment