I'm a big fan of big projects, I've picked one for the past four years. Something that I wanted to add to my practice, something that covered an entire year. I am always adding to my life, adding new writing projects, adding new hobbies, adding new things to learn.
The problem is that I am not good at letting things go. I look at my life, and think "Oh, I've got time to do one more little thing..." but then when I actually go to DO the thing, I find that I'm overwhelmed. Just thinking about the stuff I have to do in a day sometimes makes me want to scrap it all and just do something to avoid everything else.
There is an interesting phenomenon called decision fatigue (or ego depletion), that basically says that we have a finite supply of mental energy...the stuff we use to make decisions, the stuff we use to stick to our convictions...willpower. And that the more we use this mental energy, the more overwhelmed we feel, no matter how we are spending it. So, if you take a dozen of those 'fun' internet quizzes (what type of sandwich are you? where is your ideal home? ), you will actually find yourself worn out simply because you had to make a series of decisions to complete them.
This same energy that we use to make choices is also what we use to stick to our plans, to follow through with things that we may or may not be struggling with. Remember everything is a choice! If I know it's Wednesday, and I have a blog to write, I still have the choice of not writing it. Sticking to my choice (to write a blog post every Wednesday) uses up some of this energy. It uses less than if my goal was 'to write a blog post every week' (because then I'd have to make the choice to write the blog PLUS choose which day to write), but it still uses up some of that energy.
I do a lot of planning in my life, because it helps streamline my choices. If I leave my days wide open, if I don't plan anything...I tend to avoid choices altogether. I won't stop and make real decisions about what to do, I'll just do whatever comes along, and then at the end of the day, I'll look back and realize that I didn't do anything that I had actually wanted to get done.
Planning also helps me spread out the choices. I can plan for things and get my choices narrowed down, so that I don't have to spend energy to make them later. I make lists of possible blog topics, when things pop into my mind, so that when it's time to actually sit and write, I have a list of ideas (and pictures, which can spark ideas!). I still have to pick one of them, but it takes less mental energy to pick one from a list of four than it does to come up with one out of the blue.
When it comes to larger goals, I try to break it down the same way, to limit the number of choices. If I make a commitment, I see that as no longer being a choice. Yes, I know there is always the choice not to do something, but for me that really isn't a choice, I hate failing to complete something I have set out to do, and having made that commitment means that I have extra willpower on hand to follow through with my choice.
So I may have picked 'rune study' as my goal for the year, but I break that down into much smaller chunks: read in my rune book for each bi-weekly period, post a weekly rune-inspired question, write down the rune affirmation every day in my planner.
Sometimes, I'll intend to add more in, like daily rune study, but I'll hit that wall of overwhelm. I am finding there is a point at which my brain just doesn't hold any more information. It's like trying to stack a bunch of balls on a plate...eventually you put one too many and they all come crashing down, and a few roll under things and you completely forget about them.
The odd thing is, you really do completely forget about them. Last year I worked every day on my spiritual practice, tying actions into the phases of the moon and the Sabbat cycle. This year, since my focus was on runes, I swear I turned around and it was Imbolc! I had hoped to continue working regularly with the moon and the Sabbat cycle, but I lost track of what the moon phase was...because my brain was busy working on other things.
What is important to remember is that when you are at your limit, it's like a glass of water full to the brim. You can keep adding water, and for a small time, it will cling and mound and hold together, but then, at some point, the tension breaks and it spills (often below the rim, so you actually loose stuff!)
When we keep ourselves so busy we are always pushing our mental limits, we leave ourselves no room to adjust to the crazy stuff that life likes to throw at us. Things will inevitably come up, and if you are already stretched to your breaking point, you will snap and something will fall.
Everyone's threshold is different, and we too often compare what we feel we should be doing to what we see other people doing. We forget that we aren't them, and that our capabilities might be aligned towards different things. I have no problem coming up with the stories behind people...but naming them is hard! I actually often rely on random name generators so that I don't have to come up with names for people in my stories (especially for incidental characters that aren't central to my story). I will just click to generate random names until one pops up that I like, and boom, done! But I can knock out a few paragraphs about what that person likes, where they are from and what they've been up to recently without a problem.
It seems counter-intuitive, but sometimes the best way to stay on top of things is to pull back. If we are finding ourselves feeling overwhelmed and drained too often, perhaps it is time to think about reducing the stuff we do. It can be really freeing to look over the things you do and figure out what you can stop doing. The great thing about most things is that if we find we truly miss it, we can pick it back up again! But sometimes, we let something go and it's like a HUGE weight just got lifted from us, much bigger than the thing we are releasing. It's not just about not drowning, it's about having room to breathe.
So, remember to leave yourself some wiggle room, and when you notice that you are loosing that space, see what you can do to reclaim it. Recognize your strengths and your weaknesses and find the best way to play to both. Try setting things down, and seeing how you feel about not doing them. You may be surprised by just how big of a change this will make in your life!
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