As Pagans, we often say our home is our temple, because we don't have an outside Church building we attend. Instead, our sacred spaces are those we personally create or find. We might be blessed enough to have a whole room, or to have land on which we have sought out special places of our very own. Or, we might use the spaces we have, making temporary sacred spaces as we need them. We may have wandered the land around us, looking for those magical places that fill us with wonder and awe, in our local parks or wilderness areas.
But we don't always have access to all the places we might want to have. Currently, many people are confined to their homes, with their entire family, and may find themselves feeling disconnected, because the ways they are used to practicing or connecting aren't available to them.
It can be hard to adjust and adapt, but it can also be necessary. The things we do that have meaning to us, our spiritual actions, are necessary! When you talk about being well and healthy, most people aren't just talking about our physical health anymore. It has become common to consider out mental, emotional and spiritual health as well, because all of those things are vital to our overall well-being.
And it can be easy to overlook the spiritual, especially when there is a lot going on. We get caught up in handling all the other more obvious things that need our attention, and before you know it, a week has passed, and then a month, and you haven't connected.
It can also be extra hard when you are sharing space with people who may not share your personal beliefs. Finding not only space, but time, when you can slow down and connect, can be a struggle. It can feel strange to talk about, or we may be self-conscious about what we are asking for.
Often, our fears are bigger than the reality, and though we may feel awkward asking for space, the people we are sharing our space with respect and care about us, and even when they don't quite get what we are doing, they are willing to work with us, because it is important to us.
When asking for space, or working out what you need with the people you are sharing your space with, it is important to remember to not only be clear about what you actually need (what is important to you), but also to be mindful about how your request will effect the other people you are sharing space with.
If you have limited physical space, you may not be able to ask for a large area, or a dedicated space. You might need to compromise, to find ways to make the space you have work for you. Sometimes this might mean claiming a space for a specific period of time. I sometimes retreat to the bedroom, and claim the room for an hour as I do a ritual or Sabbat. You may want to make a sign to hang on the door, a way to remind your family that you are doing something sacred and unless it's an emergency, you are requesting to be left alone.
You can also create a sacred space just by having a few items to make an ordinary space sacred. A comfy pillow to sit on or lean against, a candle, something lovely to drink and eat, a blanket...these things can turn a regular space into something special, and if you use them every time you step into your sacred space, even your spot on the couch can become something special, and a retreat from the world for a little while.
With children, sometimes this becomes a longer conversation, with everyone involved. You might want to talk with your kids about boundaries and personal time and space. You might even get them involved, and have them make a sign for their door, for when they want a bit of privacy. And you might remind them that even though you may want some private time, you aren't going to be gone forever, and if they can learn to respect your private times, then after that you can spend time together. It may work better for your family to give them specific rewards, especially when you first start setting up your alone time. For example, you could explain that you are going to be having some personal time, tell them how long (and make sure you stick to it!) you wish to be left undisturbed, and then after that, plan on doing something fun together.
If your alone time requires someone else to watch the kids, then you will want to discuss that with them as well. Again, this is a great time to offer some give and take. If you are asking for an hour of private, undisturbed time, then you can offer to keep the kids busy while the other person gets to do something they want to do uninterrupted.
I also find that you don't need to be completely specific about what you are doing with your time, especially if the people you are sharing your space with have different spiritual leanings. My husband is an atheist, so I don't go into a ton of detail about what my rituals involve (I would be happy to talk with him about it if he asked, but he doesn't have any personal interest), so normally I will just say I am going to do a ritual and leave it at that (or going to meditate or what not).
But I know some people don't even have that luxury, and sometimes you have to be more creative with your requests. In my family, reading is something that is requested, so is walking, so when I am visiting family and I need some space, I will often retreat to the room I am staying in with a book in my lap, or a journal, or I may go take a walk. I may not read the book I am sitting with, it is just there to give me a reason to sit alone for a bit.
And sometimes, that little bit of space and time is all we need. We may just want to sit and have a moment in prayer or to send some energy to someone we know is struggling. Sometimes, we don't have any specific need, we just want to take a moment and acknowledge the sacred. But we need to take that moment and find a way to create that space, even when we are stuck in the house, with more people than usual!
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