One of the assignments I disliked most when I was in school was reflections. I think all my English teachers had us do reflections. We would turn in a piece, and we would also have to turn in a reflection on our piece, and we would be graded on both. Looking back, I'd have to thank my teachers, and apologize for the lackluster way in which I approached those reflections.
Reflection is a huge part of my life. I'm a planner, planning helps me keep my life on track. And for me, reflections are integral to my planning. I give myself more space for each day, not because I need more space for tasks, but because I want to be able to reflect on each day. Looking back at the day and writing about what went well (and what didn't) helps me stop and think about what is working (and what isn't). Doing it daily means it's easy to directly connect my mood to the things that went on.
I also do monthly and yearly reflections. Monthly reflections allow me those small 'bigger picture' moments. I have a lot of tasks that I do on a monthly basis, so taking a moment to stop at the end of the month and evaluate the month helps me make sure that I'm staying on track and that the things I am doing are working for me. If I need to make adjustments, a month is a great yardstick for whether the adjustments are beneficial or if I need to keep adjusting.
I'm in the midst of my end of year reflections right now. I feel these are the big ones. Since I do themed years, this is my time to look back and see how well I worked on that theme for the year. My yearly reflections aren't judgemental, I don't think of it as succeeding or failing (even on years where I end up not being anywhere near where I thought I'd be at the end of the year), but more as a way to check in and see what the triumphs and struggles were. Any struggles are examined as teaching moments...what can I learn from what went poorly and how can I support areas that I feel I am not well supported in.
And I think that's something really important to keep in mind when doing reflections. It's not about beating yourself up...no matter how spectacularly you 'failed' at accomplishing your goals. It's all about how to move forward. It's all about growth and self-care and being honest with yourself.
When looking at places you don't feel great about, really be brave and explore why you feel the way you do. Poke at what caused the issues. It can feel overwhelming and it is easy to fall into a self-depreciation trap and only see the places we messed up...while ignoring all other factors. But there is a lot to consider, and when you root out all the details you have a better idea of how to do things differently the next time.
Sometimes, we pick our goals poorly. Maybe we thought we knew what we wanted, but as we explored it more it didn't really fit us well...but it was a goal so we stubbornly plodded along (but secretly resisted it and didn't ever have good motivation to work on it).
Sometimes things completely out of our control derail our goals. Maybe we got sick or injured, maybe our job situation changed, maybe our personal situation changed...and all of a sudden the resources we thought we'd have just aren't there. These changes can be really hard to accept, but it's worse to continue to beat ourselves up for things that are out of our hands.
A common issue is that we bite off more than we can chew. Especially if you are like me, and have a ton of things you are excited about, it's easy to set a bunch of goals for different areas of your life...and then realize you absolutely don't have time to do all of them justice. When you're in the midst of it, it can be hard to see that if you picked a few less goals you would have been okay. Especially when the individual things you were doing for each of your goals were simple, it can leave you feeling like you can't do anything. This is one of those places where perspective really comes into play (it's also helpful sometimes to actually plot out all the stuff you need to do for all your goals in one place....tackling one goal that requires ten minutes a day is very different from trying to manage ten goals that take ten minutes a day)
It could also be that the method we chose to reach our goals wasn't a good fit to us. We may feel very strongly about the goal, but we struggled to follow our plan. Reflecting on the things that didn't stick can help us figure out why they didn't work, and we can come up with a new plan to try.
I also feel it's very important to recognize the things you did well, and not to just focus on what didn't go well. It's really easy to get caught up in trying to 'fix' the things that you feel you failed at, but taking the time to reflect on the things that were good gives us that other perspective. It shows us what works for us, and that gives us more tools to use for the things we want to work on. Knowing your strengths is just as important as knowing your weaknesses!
This also includes recognizing those unexpected successes. We often have things that we did that turned out surprisingly well. Perhaps the tables were turned on you, but instead of dropping the ball you juggled everything and ended up being really pleased with yourself. This is especially important to remember if the success was a small thing in the middle of a bigger mess. If your day went horribly, but you rallied together and managed to do one thing extra well, you should recognize that! I find that by looking for those small wins, I notice motivations I might have otherwise missed. For me, when I'm feeling particularly bad, doing something small can turn my energy around, and the more little things I remember that I've done, the more options I have when I find myself in that place.
I think that too many people don't stop to think about how their life is going. They just muddle through each day, as if it weren't connected to the days that had gone before, and I think they are just missing out on so much. Growth is often impossible to see in the moment. The only way to see growth is to compare where you are now with where you were before...that is all reflection is! Looking back and seeing where you were, and then looking at the path that took you from there to here.
Reflection is such a great tool to use to help navigate your life. It can remind you of the highs, of those fun, motivational, emotional and powerful moments. It can also show you the places you are starting to wobble, allowing you to course correct before you crash. And even if you hit a personal low, you can unravel the mess that you were in and see which threads you can cut to avoid ending up in that tangle again.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDelete