Blended Holidays

 One of my favorite memes about the whole "Happy Holidays" tantrums points out just how many winter holidays there are, and it's sort of bizarre (to me at least) to get all in a ruffle because a stranger doesn't believe and celebrate the exact same way you do.  But that's another rant....

Instead, I want to talk about how to blend holiday traditions, whether you are wanting to honor different holidays in your own practice (especially for people who feel called to honor the holidays of their childhood or their recent ancestors), or whether you live in a household with people who practice a religion (or are of a culture) different to yours.

I pulled the term blended holidays from the old term blended family.  To my mind, it's a very fusion concept.  It really embraces the idea that you aren't just celebrating both (or all) of your traditions, but you are really working on weaving them into a cohesive union (just like you do when you join families together).

The very first step is absolutely communication.  You need to gather together the people who will be involved and talk about what holidays you want to honor and in what ways.  Part of this discussion will be really looking at what parts of the holiday are most important to the person who celebrates it, and what bits are mostly fluff and they don't mind if things are adjusted a bit.

Most holidays we celebrate have a lot of different ways you can personalize them.  Even commercialized 'social' holidays like the Santa side of Xmas (for this blog post, I'll be using Xmas to refer to the commercial and non-religious celebration of Santa, while Christmas will be reserved for Christians celebrating the birth of Jesus) can have many ways of showing up in your life.  Some people have very specific rituals of putting out cookies (maybe of a family recipe), or traditions of opening a present on Xmas eve.  It can even be little things like talking about when the decorations go up...and when they come down.

When you add religion into it, often things become more strict, as many religious holidays have certain ritual actions that are a part of honoring the holiday, whether that means reading the advent story, lighting the Menorah or lighting a Yule log.  Often these things need to take place on certain days, maybe even at certain times.  This is one place where things often get tricky, especially if there are conflicting times, or if some people prefer to sit out of religious observations that they aren't a part of (but maybe the person who is celebrating would like their 'family' to be there with them).

The important thing to remember is that this is a discussion and the end goal isn't to 'win' the conversation, but rather to find the best way to make everyone as happy as possible.  Often, if someone is reluctant to participate in an activity, they may not understand why their presence is important, and talking that out makes them more willing to participate.  Also, explaining what will be going on at different times helps people who may not be a part of a particular tradition know what to expect, which often makes them more comfortable being a part of it.

This also gives you the chance to explain if certain parts or activities are reserved for members of a particular faith or culture.  Again, talking it through helps people who aren't a part of it understand why it might not be appropriate for them to participate.  It also helps you explain what your needs are, if maybe you need to have some private time for an hour, or if you need them to go visit friends for an evening.  Or maybe, they can be present, but they shouldn't be directly involved at certain points.

Something to keep in mind, about blending holidays, is that it may end up being a progression.  The first year you attempt it, you may feel like you are just celebrating the different holidays all at the same time (or over the course of the holiday season), but they are still distinct and separate holidays.  And if that works for you, that's perfectly fine!  But if you want more blending, think about ways that the holidays overlap, ways in which there are similar practices that might be combined into a new practice.  Over time, you can continue to fiddle with these blendings until you find the ones that work just right for you and your household.

For example, one of my fond memories of Christmas when I was little (my parents are both holiday Christians, they believe, but really only do stuff for Christmas and Easter), was advent.  I loved the little story, opening up the little windows (we had a book with a corresponding reusable advent card, where each day had a little window to open).  But the story doesn't really fit my personal practice (and hubby/son are atheist, so no need for the traditional advent story here), and instead I've been turning to a Norse celebration of the 12 days of Yule, where different deities, beings and values are honored each day.  I could absolutely create my own personal Yule advent, where I collected stories for each of the days, and perhaps a token to add to a display, so each day I could read the story, then add my tokens to a growing display for the season.

And if you don't have other people you are needing to include in your 'discussions', you can still go through the same process, though I might journal it out.  Write down what you want to celebrate, and what the core parts of those celebrations are to you.  Look at ways to combine them or honor them side-by-side, whichever way calls out to you more.

No matter how you work on blending the holidays of your household or practice, it can be a really unique experience to weave together different strands of the celebrations that are important to you.  Not only do you end up with a personalized holiday season that fits you, you may find that the process of identifying what is important and working to create a good merging of different celebrations really helps you deepen your connection with the practices you are cultivating.