With Valentine's Day fast approaching, love is in the air....except for those who are still fighting to be able to love the people they love. It absolutely breaks my heart that there are people in this world who love other people, but they can't expect the same acceptance (and legal treatment) as others.
Love is an emotion, like joy or fear. It is a thing we experience, and we can't control it. We love who we love, and when two (or more!) people love each other that is a beautiful thing. It is something to be celebrated, not something that anyone should have to hide out of fear.
And yet, we live in a world where love isn't an equal right. Even in countries where it isn't illegal to love or be with the person who you might love, if you can't legally benefit from the same 'rewards' of loving someone that other people have (like tax breaks, shared insurance or any of a bunch of other things that many cishet couples enjoy without thought), then you are legally being punished for loving who you love.
There are countless examples throughout history and across the globe of different types of love being restricted. Whether it is love between people of different races, love between people of different genders, love between differing ages (I am NOT talking about pedophilia here, I am talking about love between consenting adults, but there is still stigma against for example a 30 year old being with an 80 year old), love if you are disabled and love between people from different socio-economic backgrounds.
One of the (many) things I adore about being Pagan is that a significantly greater proportion of our community embraces love in all it's splendor and it's many, many forms. We have myths that showcase other forms of love and deities who you can work with who love in ways similar to you. ((yes, there are some intolerant Pagans, but by and large, we don't tend to condone loving other people *Shrug))
The thing that I honestly just don't get about some of these legal issues is...why? Why are so many things tied into having a marriage license? Who does it hurt to allow people to love who they love? And sadly, many of the answers are tied into...another religion. Another religion that is being used to restrict, and I'll go so far to say harm, people that don't even follow that religion!
Regardless of you who personally love, I feel this is a very present issue to us all, as Pagans...and as humans. We need to stand up and be very clear that we are not okay with other religions forcing us to live by their rules.
And we need to make sure that our own communities are making space for everyone. We need to stay mindful, when we create rituals or talk about love, that we include not only love that manifests the way we love, but also love that looks different from the way we love.
Sometimes, this leads to difficult conversations, and it may mean building and enforcing boundaries around who you allow in your gatherings. It means standing up for others in our community who are struggling, and lending your voice to theirs when they cry out against injustice.
And maybe we have our own inner work to do, around love and it's many varieties. This is a great time of year to explore some old hangups you might have or to start unlearning some of your own ignorance. If you have any preconceived notions about what love means or how other people love, then go out and talk to people! Find someone who experiences love in a way that you aren't as familiar with and ask if they would be willing to share their experiences with you. (and remember...love can be highly personal, so if the answer is no, always respect that!)
Especially if the way you love is legally 'acceptable', spending some time to think about what it would mean, practically and legally speaking, if YOU loved in another way...that will open your mind up to how things could be...and how things are for others right now. The more we remember the inequalities that don't effect us, and the more we work to make those issues better...the better the world will be (and statistically speaking, if more people did this, then more people would also be acting on issues that DO apply to you).
So this Valentine's day, whether you have love in your life right now or not, take a bit of time to think about the people who can't love openly, or who don't have their love supported legally....and find some way to do something to support those people.
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