Gratitude practice is something that many people work with. Listing a few things you are grateful for, at the end of every day, has become a sort of mainstream practice. You can find these types of prompts in a lot of planners and journals. Doing 30 days of gratitude is a challenge that many people take up, especially in November (because of Thanksgiving).
But, I think that we often stay on the surface, when it comes to being grateful. We give thanks, we say the words, and on some level we feel them, but we don't really open ourselves to the fullness of the emotion. We may enjoy the feeling of gratitude for a few moments, and even that has a lot of benefits, but before too long we move on and we let those feelings slide away.
Gratitude is also something that many people do in solitude. If we are taking up a gratitude practice, we may think about or write down what we are grateful for, but it never goes any further than that. We don't take time to share what we are grateful for with our family or friends, we almost hoard them. I think often we are slightly ashamed of the things we are grateful for, especially if they are something that we feel is trivial or slightly odd.
But we also don't tend to tell other people what blessings they bring into our lives, the things that they do that we are grateful for. We may be uncomfortable speaking up about our emotions, or we may feel that saying something puts the other person in an awkward position, or we may feel like it leaves us obligated to them...or we may think that they surely know that we are grateful for the things they do.
Sharing our gratitude can be a huge step in really embracing the essence of gratitude. True gratitude doesn't hold any obligation. In fact, if you feel like you need to give back, you are missing the point a little. Gratitude isn't about making things even, you aren't paying someone back for the things you are doing, you are instead making yourself open, you are accepting with grace, you are allowing other people to care for you, and that is a very beautiful thing. By feeling like you owe something back, you are taking a way a bit of the emotion that the person is trying to convey to you. Instead of making it a sign of care, you are making it a transaction.
Now, that doesn't mean you should only ever accept things from other people. Of course you should do what you feel moved to do as a sign of caring about them. But let those actions be from the heart, let them be based on your internal feelings, not simply a reaction to the things that person has done for you in the past.
The easiest way to keep yourself heart-centered is to stop thinking about the actions and start focusing on the feelings. If someone bakes you cookies when you are feeling down, of course you may love the cookies and enjoy eating them, but I bet that you are much more warmed by the fact that they thought of you, they took the effort to bake (or buy!) something for you, and then they brought it over and gave it to you. It's actually not about the cookies at all, it's about the caring that the cookies represent.
Expressing gratitude should never be done out of obligation. I remember, when I was little, anytime I received a gift from family, I was expected to write a thank you letter. Of course I was grateful for the gifts received, but at that age, translating those feelings into true gratitude wasn't something I knew well how to do. I wrote my thank yous, and in my own child-like way I did mean them, but I also pretty much wrote the same words every time: "Thank you for the gift, I like it very much, this is what I like best about it."
Today, if I receive a gift, or someone does something extra for me, I often like to write a thank you card, but it's not about writing a rote message out of obligation anymore. I try to capture the things I am feeling, how the gift made me feel cared for and thought about, and put those words onto paper so the other person knows how much their gift moved me.
I think we live in a time where we don't think about thanking people so much. We say the words, but how often do we really think about gratitude and what it means to be grateful for something.
This is the perfect year to take a step back and look for those things in our lives that make us truly grateful. We may be in the middle of great struggles or hard times, but I bet there are little things, even if they are few and far between, that make our hearts shine. It might be someone taking the time to fix you a plate of food and bring it to you so that you don't have to get up or it might be a thing that is pretty and makes you smile to look at it. Whatever the things that make your heart glad, embrace them!
Take some time to really think about what lights up your life, and then let those feelings of gratitude fill you up. Perhaps you will feel moved to share those feelings with people who inspired them. Or maybe you will want to share your feelings with other people who will understand (if you are grateful for a hobby or art that makes your life better you might find other fans to connect with). Let your feelings of gratitude linger, don't just say the words and let the feelings fade. The more you can surround yourself with the gratitude you are feeling, the more resilient you will be towards the less pleasant parts of life.
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