Welcoming back the sun

 

 In the middle of winter, Yule is the time for us to welcome back the sun.  Today, we think of this as a symbolic gesture, we know that it is the moment when the days start getting longer again, and the sun will be out more, but our ancestors didn't know take this expectation for granted, and until they saw the signs of the longer days there remained that fear that maybe this year the sun would just keep getting less and less.  Welcoming back the sun was a heart-felt appreciation for the life and warmth it brings to our lives.

One common practice I see a lot of people embracing for Yule is to stay up all night (and literally welcome the sun back in the morning).  And while this can be a really powerful way to celebrate, it isn't necessarily accessible for everyone.  Obviously, some people work, and others may not be able to stay up all night for a variety of reasons (children, health issues, age).  A simpler practice would be to watch the sun rise, but even that may be difficult or impossible for many people.  

But while experiencing things in person may be an idealized practice, the truth is we live in a day and age where we aren't limited to that!  We can watch videos of the sunrise, or look at breathtaking pictures that capture that magical moment.  We can read poems that put emotions into words, or read other descriptions of the wonder of sunrise.  It can be really eye opening to read about other people's experiences, to be able to put yourself in their shoes for a moment and see what the shared experience of sunrise means to people who live very different lives from ours.

We might also take this opportunity to do a bit of journeying, and to wonder about how our ancestors might have approached this time of year.  It's one thing to think about the hardships they might have faced, and another to try to put ourselves in their place.  Doing a visualization and stepping into the role of one of our ancestors can not only open our eyes but can teach us so much about how similar (and different) we are.  

I have always thought that one of the hardest things for us to really grasp is how uncertain things felt.  People made up stories to try to explain all the mystery of the world around them.  They noticed that the sun rose and set at different times throughout the year, and they didn't understand why, but as the months grew colder and the sun was out less, it was only natural to worry that maybe this year it wouldn't come back (especially if you also consider that they felt that gods were present in the world around us and that we could displease them in a way that would make them lash out to punish us).

Trying to put yourself back in that situation, to really feel how it must have felt (or at least as close as we can come to understanding it) not only brings us closer to our ancestors, but it gives us a unique perspective on some of our modern fears (I may not worry about the sun not rising in the morning, but I have definitely thought about the effects of our sun one day dying, or other catastrophic events that science has told us are possible).  It makes me feel comforted to know that one day, perhaps one of my decedents will wonder how I could possibly worry about things like that (because they may have figured it out and know how things work).  It reminds me of the idea that any science significantly advanced enough will appear to be magic (and also that maybe one day what we see and practice as magic might be fully defined and understood as science!)

I also feel like the sun has a very different role in our lives today than it did in times past.  If you go far enough back, the sun was the only reliable source of light, and so it's cycles truly dictated our ancestors lives.  Even back before the advent of electricity, light at night was not always accessible (or abundant), and people lived much of their lives at the mercy of daylight.  Today, we are not as limited, and yet we still find ourselves drawn to the light, and especially when something like daylight savings time comes by and we notice the big shift (and it is now dark in the afternoon...) and we feel off kilter.

Even when it comes to electric lights, we are constantly striving to make our lights more natural and realistic (or we run in the other direction with things like color changing LED lights).  We know that indoor lights are not created equal, and many people struggle with different qualities of light.  We also know that actual sunlight is important for many health reasons (from our sleep cycle to emotional regulation and mental well being).

So even though we don't worry about the sun not rising in the morning when we go to bed at night, we need to acknowledge the important role that the sun plays in our lives.  It warms us and lights our way and grows our food and it is nice to have this time dedicated to acknowledging that and taking the time to not only show our gratitude but to also express our appreciation to the light for all it does in our lives. 

Unseasonable weather

 

 When it comes to both holidays (like Yule) and seasons, we grow up with certain mental images of what the world should look like.  I'll be speaking from a Norther Hemisphere perspective, as that's where I've always lived, but I will touch on how this effects our world view (in regards to places that experience seasons differently).  For me, Yule (and winter) have always been about cold and snow.  I was absolutely the kid that wished for a white Xmas (and only ever got one!)

Even as an adult, I want winter to be cold and snowy (rainy winters are just cold and miserable, I'd much rather it be seriously cold and frozen because that never feels as cold to me as when you are wet).  And when it's warm enough out to wear shorts, it just doesn't feel right.  Which is kind of ironic considering I lived in Hawaii for a while, and both winter and Xmas there are quite warm!

I think it's really easy to pin all our expectations on things like the weather, and to feel like 'it's not really Yule unless it's cold and snowy out'.  But that can lead us to feel unsatisfied with how the world is (because we are continually comparing it to 'the way it should be' and of course reality rarely compares to our idealized fantasy world).  And we shouldn't let our expectations ruin our holiday experiences, even if they aren't quite what we wished for.

So how do you reconcile your holiday dreams with the reality of what is?  I think one thing that really helps is to look for the good in what you have.  If it's not snowing, maybe you can go for a nice walk and appreciate the stillness of winter.  If it's cold and rainy it might be the perfect day to cuddle up in a blanket with a hot beverage of your choice and watch a cozy movie (maybe even one with snow!)  

House decorations can play a big part in this as well.  I have snowflake window clings that live on my windows most of winter, to make up for the fact that I live somewhere with (typically) very little snow.  Things like tinsel mimic the sparkle of sun on snow, and can also call up holiday feelings for many.

And of course we can get creative with crafting!  When I lived in Hawaii, we would use sand instead of snow, so we might make 'sand angels' or build a sandman (or make a driftwood tree, like in the picture above!)  Art can be a wonderful way to create a seasonal feel when the outside doesn't match your mental image of the season.  There are tons of seasonal craft projects you can find online, for many different areas of the world, so a bit of exploring will get you lots of options!

I also think that sometimes it's fun to explore our feelings about seasons feeling out of phase.  For example, if I were to take a trip to Australia for the holidays (where it is summer in December instead of winter), it can be a fun mental experiment to lean into the differences.  See how local people celebrate things and allow yourself to participate without expectations (try not to judge things in comparison to what you are used to, rather simply enjoy what they have to offer and appreciate them for their own merits).  Often if we can simply stop comparing and stop expecting sameness we will find that the experience we have is unique and amazing and will be something we will remember for years to come (because it was so different from what we are used to).

I think especially from a Pagan perspective, with so many of our holidays based on seasonal observances (and often from a European part of the world so not even necessarily in tune with the seasonal shifts where we actually live), there can be a disjointedness in how we experience celebrations.  And this might mean we have to step away from the associations we learned and instead embrace what the world in our neck of the woods does at different times of the year.  Exploring this connection to the world outside your door can be a powerful thing!

Wherever you life, and however you celebrate, if you find yourself feeling a bit down because you 'wish it was more like...(whatever you are comparing things to)' try to stop judging and just be open to what is.  Find ways to bring a bit of that seasonal magic into your home and celebrations, whether that means decorating to suit or spending some time doing seasonal crafting.  Nothing in nature is perfect, and it is those imperfections that make for amazing experiences, so don't sell yourself short by only accepting perfection!

Remembrance through food

 

 At Samhain, we often share a meal, and many people set out a place for those who have passed.  And while many people feel certain foods are traditional, and like to make them, we can also make foods that remind us of those who have gone before, as a way to honor and remember them.

Food is such an integral part of our lives, and is very strongly related to memory.  I have so many food-related memories, and now when I eat certain foods I am reminded of people in my life. Some of those memories are from sharing food with people, but I also connect people to food because they taught me to make a certain dish.  And I have a few recipes that were passed down in my family, so even though I never knew the person myself, I can keep their memory alive by cooking their recipes.

I love the idea that we can pass on food memories as well.  If I cook a dish for a friend, and it's one I learned from my family, I can share my stories with them, and now they will have some of that memory to hold onto.  It makes me realize how connected we all are, and even though we may not share a blood line, we can forge connections to other people's ancestors and share in the memories they have left behind.

I also think that food creates a legacy, even if you don't know the stories.  It's a way for us to leave behind a little bit of ourselves, something that either we loved or we created, and people who knew us will be able to enjoy the same foods we loved after we are gone.  It brings me comfort to think that my son will think of me when he eats certain dishes, and if he has kids, maybe they will eat dishes and pass their love of them on.  Even once my name is forgotten, there will be that tie of food down through generations, and that is pretty nifty to me.

However, if you want to create more of a connection, it can be really lovely to create a meal of dishes that have emotional meaning to you, and to tell the stories about why you love these dishes with the other people eating with you.  You also don't have to limit yourself to those who have passed on.  By including the living, you create more connections between people, both here and gone.  And you might be surprised at how sharing your memories around food can surprise others...sometimes the things that we find the most meaning in may be missed by other people, even if they were involved.

I love hearing about how my friends and family have been affected by my role in their life, and I think it's important that we tell other people how we feel while they are still here to hear it.  But don't fret, you can still acknowledge other's impact in your life after the fact, and I find that taking the time to recognize how someone has influenced my life not only makes me grateful for those connections, but it reinforces in my brain the memories, keeping them alive in my heart.

And while this is something we may focus more on at Samhain, we needed restrict our adventures in food memories to just this time of year.  This is a lovely way to remember anniversaries (either of someone's birth or death, or any other significant date), by cooking a meal dedicated to a particular memory.  We can create memory feasts at any time that feels right!

And we don't even need other people to be present, if we want to have a private memory meal.  Especially if you are missing someone who either has passed on or who doesn't live close to you.  You can plan a meal that reminds you of the person you miss, and treat it as if you were sharing the meal with them.  Speak (or think) about them as you prepare and/or eat the food.  

Food is something we all share in common.  Everyone eats, and by sharing meals we connect with each other in ways that linger.  Whether we want to forge new memories (by sharing a feast with family or friends), remember those we've lost (and honor their memory through food) or feel connected to people who we don't get to see as often as we might like, food can be a powerful tool that lets us find our place in the world and share our memories with others.

Figuring out your spiritual needs

 

 One of the things I've always loved about Paganism is how much of it is very much 'choose your own.'  Sure, if you join a group or pursue degrees in an organization, there may be structure, but in our personal practice, there are no hard and fast rules or really anyone to tell us that we should (or should not) be practicing a particular way.

And in fact, this can be a struggle for a lot of people, both new and more experienced.  It's hard, because you kind of have to figure it out yourself, there is no guidebook to turn to when you have a question about how often to do a thing or whether one method is 'better' than another.  It definitely takes some getting used to, that every part of your practice is ultimately up to you.

I also think it complicates things that many resources out there suggest a way of doing things, but don't make it clear that it is JUST a suggestion!  I've read so many books that will introduce a practice, like meditation or reading tarot, and they will give suggestions on how often to do something, but not give a lot of options for if that one way doesn't quite work for you.

Meditation is a great example.  A ton of sources recommend meditating daily, often for between 10-30 minutes.  And for some people, that works great!  For others, it's too long, or too frequent.  Maybe you just don't have that much free time (and you don't want to spend what time you do have meditating!), or maybe you tried it and sitting for 30 minutes a day was just too much for your body.  

 

One saying I absolutely adore suggests that doing a thing at all is better than not doing it (often applied to difficult tasks, where we may not be able to do them perfectly or even completely, but doing a little is still better than not doing it at all).  In the case of meditation, if 30 minutes a day doesn't work for you, but you enjoy doing 30 minutes once a week on the weekend...do that!

Many people like to have a framework to start from, and books are great for that.  It used to be that Pagan books told you how to do things (as in they explained how to cast spells, how rituals were structured, how to ground), but didn't often suggest a plan for actually doing all the stuff.  However, in recent years, more books have come out with a plan, whether it is a way to build up practices or a full year of daily activities.

If those kind of things appeal to you, find one that seems enticing and give it a try!  I haven't seen a suggested plan yet that I feel I would be worse off for having tried it, even if it didn't work for my life.  So you really aren't out anything by giving things a go, and you might find that even if the whole plan doesn't work for you, bits of it do (and you can always keep the parts that work for you and let go of the rest!).

I think that having a rough idea of what you want your path to look like can help, so it may be useful to sit down and brainstorm about what spirituality means to you.  Are you looking for something with more structure, or do you need freedom to follow your whims?  Do you want daily practices that you can build on, or would you rather stick to bigger observations throughout the year (or both!)  How close of a relationship do you want with deities...or do you even want to work with any?  Do you want to work alone, with others or a combination?

These are a few, broad questions to start with, but anytime you learn something new, you can ask yourself how you see that fitting into your practice.  It might be that you want to start off learning a little bit about a bunch of different topics, just to see what interests you the most, or maybe you already have something you really want to dive deep into, and you can start planning out how you want to approach that study.

I feel like one thing to always keep in mind is that you are absolutely free to change your mind (and your practice!) at any given time.  You may have tried some things out, and realize that it's too much or not enough for your needs.  Adjusting how much time and energy you devote to this aspect of your practice can make it fit better with your life.  And remember, we are constantly changing, so our needs might change too...a practice that fits you now, might need adjusting in a few months, or even after decades of doing things a particular way.

 

Wherever you are on your path, spending some time to check in and see if your spiritual needs are being met (and are meshing with the rest of your life), can be a very helpful way to make sure you are living the best Pagan/witchy life you can.  And just taking a moment to think about whether you are doing enough, or too much, of anything can be a helpful starting point in figuring out just where that sweet spot is for you.  You may be surprised to find out that things that you thought were 'just fine' could actually use a little tweaking!

Brainstorming work

 

One of the things that I think takes the longest to get comfortable with is creating your own spells and rituals (or any practice really).  As much as I feel like Paganism embraces individualized and personalized practice, most books only go into the bare bones on how to build a working from the ground up, and many 101 books don't really talk about doing your own thing at all.  They just include a handful of premade spells and rituals, and often those don't really fit (because we are all individual, and we might live in a different country or time period from where the spell originated, which also makes things complicated).

 

I've always been a big fan of making your own spells (and for ease of wording, I'm going to say spells for the rest of this post, even though the same process can be used to build any spiritual working, from rituals to protections to Sabbats!), or at the very least tweaking the bits that don't work in spells you find out in the wild.  In my very early days I did work with spells straight out of books, and while it has a certain comfort level (because it's very easy to doubt your own capabilities), it was always like wearing hand-me-down clothes....they feel like they don't quite fit most of the time.

 

But writing your own spells can feel daunting, and for many people even figuring out where to start is an issue.  It's one of those weird things that feels like it should be talked about everywhere, and yet it's not, and when it is talked about, it's in a very bare bones kinda way (I mean even this blog post won't be as complete an explanation as might be wanted, but it's more extensive than a lot of the 'how to write your own spells' sections we see in books). 

The start is always the why...why are you doing a spell.  Note, I don't start with what you want to seek, because I feel like the why is always more important than the what.  The why will lead to the what (and sometimes, as you explore the why, you discover that you are actually needing to work towards a different what than you thought you did!)

So start by asking yourself why, and really dig in here.  If you wanted to make a spell to get a job, why are you looking for a job (do you want money, more excitement in your life, a chance to do something creative, or are you just bored).  Notice, that all of those things could be reasons to find a job...but many of them lead to very different types of jobs.  Knowing the why of your spell will help inform every step of the process!

Sometimes the why will be straightforward, like if you have a friend who is sick and you want to do something to help them heal.  You care about your friend and you want them better, that is your why.  But sometimes the why is more elusive, like if you want to loose weight, your why might be that you want to be healthier, but it might also include wanting to look better (and feel sexier or more confidant) and that you want to be able to play soccer without feeling winded immediately.  You don't have to pick just one why, in fact exploring the many reasons behind your spell can help you create a much more inclusive working!

If you are struggling with understanding your why, it can be helpful to get outside advice.  This might mean turning to your favorite divination method, and spending some time journaling out your whys, or it might mean asking a trusted friend or loved one for their input.  Just remember, if you are talking to other people, that you want to not only ask someone who you trust (and who knows you), but also someone who isn't going to try to talk you out of doing your work (sometimes you can get advice on your why without explaining what specifically you are planning on doing, so take our job example, you might ask a friend what type of job they think you would enjoy without telling them you are planning on doing a spell for it).

Once you have your why, you can start to think about the main shape your spell will take.  There are tons of types of spells out there, from candle spells to jar spells to bag spells or simple fire and forget spells.  This is one place where reading examples (especially examples that are similar to what you are planning, so if you are wanting to heal a friend, looking at a selection of healing spells can give you a sense of what other people have found works, and that is a great place to start!).  You might also just like one method over another, and prefer to use it, and that's perfectly fine too!

Almost every spell includes correspondences of some sort, whether they are physical items, representations or simply words to be called upon.  This is where your whys really come into play.  You will want something to represent all of your whys, so if I am wanting to loose weight (to be healthy, to look sexy and to be able to enjoy soccer more), then I should have at least one thing to represent each of my whys.

I sometimes think of deities as a way to include more correspondences.  I have a pretty wide group of deities I work with, so I have a lot of choices for deities that will fit my spell.  And sometimes you can work with multiple deities for the same spell, though this can often require more planning (and some deities just don't work well together, so understanding how they interrelate is important too).  You don't have to call on a deity for your spells, and some people have a patron deity that functions like a catch-all for them, when it comes to calling on deities in a spell.

I also want to note that spell creation isn't necessarily something that needs to be done all at once, in one sitting or quickly.  It can be, and learning to create on the fly is somewhat of a different skill, but for the purposes of this blog post, don't feel like you need to rush the process.  Sometimes, I will let an idea stew in my head, and that helps me come up with connections and ideas that I might have otherwise missed.  If you are planning your spell like this, having a notebook or some spot to jot down your ideas and thoughts as they come can be really helpful!

And, your actual 'spell work' doesn't have to be done in one setting either.  Sometimes, we ritualize the prep, especially if you are making any kind of herbal blend, poppet, totem or amulet/talisman (which might need to be prepared ahead of time).  Your spell might also extend into the future (like when you burn a 7 day candle for a spell), or have reactivation activities (like shaking a jar spell when it needs a boost or charging a ward every full moon).  

With any spell work, I think it's important to not pressure yourself too much over the results.  You aren't a bad witch/Pagan if you do a spell and it doesn't work out.  It's not even necessarily that the spell didn't work...sometimes our spells are like trying to hold back the push of the ocean with just your hands....you might not have enough force to create the change you are working towards.  But every spell you do (especially those you create) help you become better at them in the future!

One thing that I think can be important (but often overlooked) when talking about spell creation is reflecting on, and adjusting, the spell after the fact.  Especially for something (like a healing spell) that you might want to use again in the future, taking the time to think about (and make some notes on) what went well and what didn't go as well as you would have liked, along with how the spell felt as you did it and the results afterward...these all help to let you refine the spell for future use.

 

Creating your own spells isn't as hard as it first seems, and the benefits are countless.  Not only does it give you the ability to tailor your spells to your exact needs, but it also gives you complete control over what you use to do your spell, what deities (if any) you choose to work with, and how complicated or simple you prefer your work to be.  I highly recommend anyone who hasn't made their own spells give it a try...it's not as scary as it sounds!

Books of shadows

 

 Welcome to my library...or at least part of it.  I am a book lover and a writer, and of course I have a million books that make up my 'book of shadows' (honestly, this isn't even all of them).  When we talk about a Book of Shadows, it is often described as being a huge tome, handmade with an ornate cover, with illustrated and beautiful pages, holding all the information one has collected as they walk their path.

But as you can see, for some of us, one book just won't do!  Not only is it simply not big enough, but it may not have the organization you want (or need!).  And a fancy book of shadows probably isn't something that the average person would have had (even the big coven BOS' were probably quite plain on the outside).  Of course, we live in a time now where we are free to have beautiful and fancy books to write whatever we want in, so if you like that kinda thing, have at it!  I have a few really lovely and unique books in my selection...though as you can see, quite a lot are very simple or basic.

My first BOS was a three ring binder.  This binder....which was really just my favorite binder from school.  It has pockets (which is really handy for all those odd shaped papers that I like to keep in them).  But most importantly, it has tabs and three rings!  It let me move stuff around as often as I wanted, and in the beginning, that was priceless.  It also let me easily remove and add pages...at any point!

In my early days, I remember reading all about the Book of Shadows, and how it had a counterpoint, the Book of Light.  If the BOS was dedicated to the nitty gritty "stuff you do" then the BOL was all about inspiration:  poetry and stories that delighted you.  I think of it as something to turn to when you need a bit of spiritual uplifting.  I have a few books where I keep particularly moving poetry (one for poems I write myself, and one for others I find).  I even have a wishes book, which is basically a paper version of a pinterest dream board!  I have a bunch of pictures I cut out of magazines or printed out, and it's just all pretty witchy stuff that makes me happy to look at.

From there, my books just started expanding.  I made a little one (so it was portable!) for a Correspondence book, and I also made a travel BOS (which is a cute little leather bound book that I kept my most basic and most well used stuff in..for when I was away from home, but still wanted something!).

I have a dream book, though I struggle to use that.  I used to dream every night, but only remembered my dreams for a short time upon waking.  The problem was, that I really hated the process of writing it down.  As soon as I started, it was like the process of writing made the fragments of dream flee even further.  I think this is part of the process of figuring out which kinds of books you might want for your practice...sometimes they just don't work out!

Another type of book I kept early on (but don't use as much now) is a working record book.  I would record the spells and rituals I did, how they went and how things turned out (okay I almost always forgot that last bit...).  I have several of them now, though today I am more likely to use my witchy log than directly recording my work.

Speaking of the witchy log, that is a very recent book I started a few years ago.  I really struggle with keeping up with tasks (in all realms of my life), and a planner has helped my everyday life so much, I thought having a book specifically dedicated to my witchy life would help.  It gives me a place to check in everyday, do moon work, journal about the sabbats, record random witchy facts or ideas....and it's really working for me.

 

This kind of replaced my old Sabbat book, which was dedicated to my own reflections after Sabbat rituals.  This one sort of fell in a funny place for me.  It felt like a cross between reflective journaling and record keeping, but when I started keeping the Witchy Log, I just stopped using this one.

I also started some topic specific books (because my brain likes organization).  I have books dedicated to runes, to tarot, to astrology, to moon work...pretty much any subject you are interested enough in to want a separate book for!

Art books are another whole category for me.  I have the one that started it all, which is a smashbook I did for an intentional art retreat.  It holds art that was done with specific purposes, so some of the pictures are about exploring archetypes or grounding or transforming.  I ended up with another book (that holds hole punched pages) for loose leaf art, and what I call my healing art book (which is blank pages that I draw pictures/symbols in for healing).  Sometimes my magic isn't about words, sometimes it's about images or color or emotions and these help me tap into that.

I also keep a small book for future ideas.  I heard someone toss this out as concept, and it's so perfect for my brain!  The idea is that you write down stuff you might want to work on...but that you don't have time/energy/motivation to do right now.  It's a future log for magic!  Mine is broken into problems and dreams..so problems are often more outward focused (like when a situation in the world is just bugging you), while dreams tend to be more personal (though of course you could just keep all your future ideas together!)

 

Now, you can probably see that most of my books are pretty spartan.  I don't really decorate them (minus the art books, but those aren't technically decorated either...just full of art lol), because for me that honestly just feels like work.  It's also a bit like that feeling of having a blank (expensive) book and not wanting to use it (because you are afraid of 'messing it up'...though I find just deliberately making a mistake early helps in this...I'm not perfect, my books don't need to be either).  But many people really get into making their books into amazing art works, doing collage and making every word beautiful.  So if that's your thing, go for it!

And if physical books aren't your thing....there are always digital options!  I keep a ton of files on my computer, from books to stuff I've written to things I've clipped from websites.  I've been playing around with OneNote as a way to organize digital stuff, though I've heard great things about Notion as well (and seen some amazing digital books there!)  There are advantages to digital, it's easy to keep a ton of information organized and handy (and with smart phones, portable!)  Personally, I'm more analog than digital, I sometimes struggle to read online text (books are easier for me), so I doubt I will ever be fully digital...but it's so nice for stuff that I am not sure I want/need for the long term.

When it comes to your Book(s) of Shadows, the sky is the limit.  There is no right or wrong way to keep one, just ways that work better for you.  And there is nothing wrong with trying out a few!  Find the books you like to use (bound, spiral, 3ring, digital), figure out how you prefer to keep things (do you like one big book, lots of little ones, write as you go, dedicated sections) and then see which ones stick with you (because sometimes the one you are most excited about just doesn't click).

Giving without loosing yourself

 

 Lammas is around the corner, and it's a time of year when I always thing of generosity and bounty.  And sometimes, especially when you don't have a lot, it can be hard to feel like you are embodying that generous spirit.  Especially when we feel pushed (often by society) to 'give'...when we might not have enough ourselves.  Navigating the line between generosity and your personal boundaries can be quite tricky!

I think the first step is always to start with an honest evaluation of where you are.  Many of us feel like we are in a bad place, and obviously this is true for many of those people.  But sometimes, we feel like we are in a place of want, and then when we actually sit down and take a personal accounting, we realize there are a lot of ways in which we have more than we thought we did.

And this (taking a personal accounting) can be a great way to recognize where in your life you have some extra.  Maybe you like to cook in huge batches, and then get tired of it before you can eat it all...and perhaps you can invite friends over to share in your meals (not only helping them if they are struggling, but also saving you from having to eat the same thing for a week straight!).

But it also lets you become aware of any deficits.  To continue the previous example, maybe you have a little garden and you got in a bumper crop of tomatoes.  You talk it over with some friends and agree that they will drop off some other ingredients or bring side dishes, and you will make up a big batch of spaghetti or chili.  Everyone can enjoy it, people can bring some home, but everyone can contribute what they can to the meal as well.  

The important thing is to not fall into the trap of  "other people have it worse so I should always give to someone who is worse off than me".  This is where personal boundaries must be enforced.  If I honestly am struggling to pay bills and buy the necessity stuff, then I might not be in a place to give money to a homeless person.  Yes, they are absolutely worse off than me, but there are also a lot of people in the world worse off than me, and if I try to help them all, I will need help myself.

Instead, try to find the places where you can share a little.  Maybe that means finding things that you don't need anymore and donating them to shelters or outreach programs.  Maybe it means offering your time and labor to help in a community project.  Maybe you can connect people who are in a position to help with those who need it.

Even if you have nothing physical to give, you may be able to share information.  Help people in need find programs that will be able to help them.  Pass along good articles on ways to stretch resources or upcycle things.  When you find tips that work, save them and share them!

We tend to think of our harvest in a literal way.  It is the stuff we have (money, food, items...stuff).  But we are so much more than our stuff!  We have compassion, we have love, we have understanding.  Sometimes, what people need is simply to be treated like a person.  They want to talk about what they are going through and they want someone to listen.  They may not even want help (in the traditional sense), but might need a little compassion.  

And even though we are talking about non-physical stuff, you still need to remember your boundaries!  If you are already exhausted after taking care of your own life (you know:  job, family, self-care), then you may not have energy to give.  Or maybe you have time, but no emotional energy (or vice versa).  Sometimes navigating your boundaries means negotiating different ways to help.  Just remember that if you wear yourself out, you can't help anyone (especially yourself!)

Each and every one of us deserves to have enough.  And when you have enough, you can start sharing the extra (and that includes both stuff and non-stuff).  If we start thinking more like a community filled with individuals instead of just a bunch of people stuck in the same place together, it becomes easier to care about strangers...and when you care, you want to help!

So start by taking stock.  See where you stand, where you lack and where you have extra.  And talk to people!  Start with those you know.  See where your lacks and extras overlap.  And then reach even further out.  Think about what you have extra of and where that could help.  If more of us approached life like this, just imagine the amazing world we could create!

Finding your happiness

 Litha, or Summer solstice is associated with a lot of things, but one of them is happiness.  And I think many of us have become disconnected or disillusioned with the idea of happiness.  Perhaps life has just gotten in the way, and you feel like you are too busy to do things 'just for fun.'  Or maybe you enjoy things that other people don't understand, and so you keep trying to do things that other people tell you should be enjoyable, and you just don't find them that engaging. Whatever the reason, if you are finding that your life feels a bit flat and lacking in joy, maybe you need to spend some time figuring out what happened...and how to bring the happy back into your life!

I think the first step (and possibly the hardest) is to really think about your life.  Look at the stuff you do, and ask yourself if there is joy in your life.  Now, some people are blessed in that they find happiness in their work (in the stuff they do to pay bills....or other 'necessities' of your life, like being a parent or keeping your house tidy), but for many people these tasks are just stuff we have to do to get through the day.  It's not the end of the world if your work doesn't bring you happiness!

But, if your work isn't a source of joy, then you need to have things you can do in your spare time that would bring happiness into your life.  Often this means hobbies, and this is one of the places where we often first start to feel shame for liking the stuff we like.  I've always been a bit of an outlier with my peers, and in school it was pretty obvious I wasn't into the same stuff as the other kids...and they never failed to remind me of that fact!  Even as an adult, many of the things I love doing (like playing games or reading fantasy novels) are often looked down on by other adults.  

Here's the thing though...as long as you aren't hurting anyone (yourself included!), then no one else gets to police your joy!  Of course this is easier said than done, but sometimes simply recognizing the places where you feel both happiness and shame can help you start to break free from those judgemental feelings.

We are lucky to live in a modern world that is super connected (through the internet) and also to have so much information at our fingertips.  I can search for information...or a community...on virtually anything I might have interest in.  Maybe I am not ready to share the things that make me happy with the world at large, but I can find small corners of space where other people like the same things, and we can enjoy them together.  Back when I was in high school, this was a much more limited thing (even though it was still possible, if you dug deep enough!) and I can not even explain how freeing it is to be able to join social media groups that connect me with other people who share a joy that I have.

The other great thing about finding communities of like minded people is that not everyone is going to share your enjoyment of something (just as you won't enjoy everything that someone else suggests to you), and so having a space where you can gush about whatever makes you happy means that your enjoyment isn't being dampened by people who don't get it.  It's just so much better to have an audience who appreciates whatever new shiny thing you are excited about.

I think another important thing to keep in mind is that we aren't going to like everything we try...and that's okay.  It's perfectly fine to try something new, and not enjoy it...and then to stop doing it.  Maybe you have a friend who is really into a thing, and they keep asking you to try it with them, assuring you that you will love it.  But when you try it, you decide it's not for you.  Maybe you even feel a little guilty for not enjoying it as much as your friend, and you think about pretending you enjoy it just to spend time with them.  Most of the time, admitting it's just not your thing will end up being better for your friendship...because your friend can find other people who DO love the same thing, but the two of you can find something else that you both enjoy doing together.

 

It's also okay to enjoy things in a slightly different way than other people.  Maybe you don't want to play a particular game...but you really like watching other people play it.  Don't let anyone tell you that the way you enjoy a thing is wrong...if it makes you happy, then that is the important part!  In a similar thought, if there are modifications you have to make so that you can enjoy a thing...do them!  I don't particularly enjoy just sitting in the sun or swimming in the ocean...but I am quite happy searching the sand for shells, and that turns what would be a tedious beach day into something I can enjoy.

As we move through the sunny peak of our yearly cycle, take some time to consider how happy you are in your life.  And think about ways to tuck more joy into your regular schedule.  Because we can all use more happiness!

Stepping away from the sexual

 

 Beltane is well known as a fertility festival, but it can also be seen as a celebration of pleasure.  And contrary to popular (media) opinion, pleasure and sensuality do not equal sex.  As a perfect example, when looking for a picture for this blog, I tried searching for sensuality as a tag...and got almost exclusively highly sexual images.  If you think about sensuality as something being pleasing to your senses, it gives you a whole lot of ways to engage with this Sabbat...even if you do not wish to have it be sexual.

I think this time of year is a great time to really tune into our senses and appreciate not only all the wondrous things that are going on in the world outside, but also to appreciate all the things in our regular life that bring joy to our senses.

In nature, we have just left the grayness of winter and spring is showing her colors.  I think because of the often dreary nature of winter, we are hungry for color and spring is more than happy to feed us.  Of course there are flowers blooming, but even the green grass feels brighter and more vibrant in spring.  We are starting to get new produce in season, and I always feel like I want to eat more vegetables in spring (as many aren't as available in winter).

If you are thinking of ways to honor Beltane, without things turning x-rated, why not consider a feast for your senses!  Gather foods that you enjoy, especially any that are seasonal.  Make yourself a special drink, something that delights your taste buds.  Play music that makes you want to dance.  Wear clothing that feels great (maybe you want luxurious or maybe you need to feel comfortable...whatever your body craves, embrace it!).  You can also have things out that are fun to touch (I love soft fuzzy things, but also smooth things and even some textures that are just neat to feel).  For scent you can put a simmer pot on or burn incense or have fresh flowers...or even use a scented spray.  Consider swapping up a few decorations, to give you something new to enjoy visually, or watching something visually stimulating..or just stepping out and watching nature.

You can do all of these things on your own, but you can also do them with a group.  Maybe your group decides that everyone is going to bring one thing that they adore for each sense, and then you can share your sensual delights with the group.  You could take turns, with each person sharing all of their offerings, or you could go by sense, where everyone shares something to taste and then everyone shares something to touch.  If people are comfortable with it, you could give each other massages or paint each other's nails or draw symbols on their skin.

This could be as formal and ritualistic as you like...or it could be super casual.  You could have a movie night with your friends, and have everyone come in their pj's (or other comfy clothes), and you could have wonderful snacks and light candles and make it a whole cozy night in.  You could do a big party, with dance music and drinks.  You could cast circle by holding hands or lighting a ring of candles.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with sex, or celebrating your sexuality as part of Beltane, but for many people sex is a private thing and for some it isn't something they care about at all, so having non-sexual options is always a good thing (you could very easily make these sense-centric activities kid friendly too!).  

One of the things I love about individual path spirituality is that we can make it what works for us.  So if you are down for a sexy Beltane, go for it!  But if you prefer to not have your Beltane be sex-focused, why not lean into your senses instead.  Make the day dedicated to doing what feels right, eating what tastes good, listening to things that make you feel amazing and touching things that you want to touch. 

Imbolc, the home Sabbat

 Even in today's modern age, we tend to spend more time at home during the colder part of the year.  Imbolc is still a part of this colder time, even though it marks the beginning of spring.  I strongly associate Imbolc with the hearth, with the heart of our home.  And this got me thinking about it as a sort of house birthday.

We recognize anniversaries of so many things, and we spend so much time in our houses, but how often do we honor the role that our home plays in our life.  I'm not just talking about the physical stuff, keeping us out of the weather, protecting ourselves and our stuff, because home means so much more that that (as anyone who has lived in a place that doesn't feel like 'home' can attest to).  

And if you do live in a place where you don't feel at home, then you might want to apply this thought to somewhere that does feel like home to you.  Perhaps it is a friend's house, or a relatives, or that secret hidey hole that no one knows about...but it makes you feel safe.  Whatever space feels like home to you, Imbolc is a great time to celebrate that relationship.

When we celebrate a birthday, we are acknowledging that the person is important to us, and often we are doing things to demonstrate how much they mean to us...how important they are to our lives.  We give them a gift, something we think they will enjoy, as a marker of this celebration.

Shifting this idea to our home, we can take some extra time to clean things up (gift of service...and cleaning is often associated with Imbolc...spring clean!), or maybe get something nice that we've been wanting for our home:  a new piece of art, a cozy blanket, some fresh spring flowers.

Many Pagans like to work with their house spirit, and making a special offering or spending some time in communication (maybe through meditation or a chat through a divination tool)...just checking in and seeing how things are going and if there is something your home would like more (or less) of.

Candles and wishing are two things that are connected to Imbolc...and birthdays.  Why not light a candle for your house, and make a wish for your home for the coming year?  You could also dedicate a candle to your house spirit, and use it as a more regular practice, lighting the candle when you want to commune with or simply recognize the spirit of your house.

Food is another thing that plays a big role in both many Sabbat celebrations, but also in birthday gatherings.  As Imbolc is a festival of the hearth, it is a great time to cook those comfort foods that feel like a hug.  Maybe a recipe that has been passed down through your family and reminds you of when you were a child.  Or even a brand new dish that feels exciting or special.  And if cooking isn't your thing, then maybe splurge on a nice takeaway, you know that treat dish that just makes everything feel a bit better.

Just as in friendships, if you only wish someone a happy birthday and give them a generic gift, but you don't really talk the rest of the year, then your relationship might be a little distant or stiff.  Special observances like this should be just that:  special.  They shouldn't be the only time you work on them.  The more you can build the relationship between you and your home, the more in tune you will be with your surroundings and the more they will soothe you when you need that feeling of home.

But if you haven't worked with your home spirit before, don't fret!  Remember, every relationship starts somewhere, so take some time this Imbolc to recognize your home for all it does in your life.  And then start thinking about other times and places where you can reinforce this relationship.  Home is definitely a concept worth investing into!

Representation in Media

 Representation in media is something that is being talked about a lot more recently, especially around things like race, gender and sexuality, but it is also something that can be very emotional for those of us who follow a religion that doesn't always get good representation in media.

I am always drawn to books, shows and movies about witchy people.  And I don't need them all to be super realistic (though I would totally watch a 'real world' style show about Pagans...."20 Pagans share a house for a year...watch them do moon circles and Sabbats and just everyday stuff!"), I adore watching shows where the idea of Paganism or witchcraft is explored in a creative way....as long as they aren't all "witches are evil and horrible people!"

It really hit home this year, as I was watching the end of Motherland around the holidays and the Yule episode came up.  I adore holiday movies, even the really cheesy ones, but this was like a warm hug, just to see a Sabbat come up and people talking about their memories celebrating it.  

 

And it's not something we get to see a lot, and that makes my heart sad.  Because showing what we actually do and what our traditions mean to us, that is not only something wonderful for US to watch, but it becomes something that other people (who aren't Pagan or maybe don't even know what it means to be Pagan) can watch and see what we are about.

I think especially for anyone who is mostly solitary, having good media representation can fill in for those group gathers that you may not have near you.  Or if you simply don't have the funds to attend or maybe you are sick, you can still get that feeling of meeting up with others 'like you'.

I think people naturally want to see 'people like me' on the tv (or in books or advertising or wherever else media happens), and sometimes you don't even realize how much you were missing something, until you see it and it hits your heart like a freight train.

One thing I find interesting about watching any show where mythology comes into play is how much being Pagan just gives me a huge base of information (that feels SO basic to me), so when a deity or practice is referenced in a show, I know what the meaning of the reference is (and don't have to wait for the show to explain it...makes me feel quite smart sometimes!)

And I can just imagine a world where, not only Pagan practices are represented, but other faiths as well.  I'd love to see more shows that feature families practicing non-Christian religions (because let's be honest....99 percent of what is actually shown on most tv shows is Christian stuff...if the people are other religions, most of their religious practice isn't shown on screen).  I think it would go a long way in helping people be more open and understanding about other people's religions.

I feel like more people are disrespectful out of ignorance, and I also acknowledge that, if you only know of the mainstream media version of Paganism, it could lead to a lot of misconceptions.  And sadly, many people believe shows as Truth, even if it's a show that is obviously made for entertainment (you won't believe how many people think that the Marvel movies are an accurate representation of Norse deities...)

I think it's especially important for Pagans, as so many media representations paint us as the bad guy, and use just enough 'real' characteristics (like showing a character using tarot cards...but then being possessed by the devil for it *sigh), and the idea (that witches are evil) is repeated SO often, that it can be very hard for us to debunk those myths...without other good sources out there.

I have been happy to see more good shows lately that have slipped in some very Pagan ideas.  We have seen shows like the Good Witch or Charmed that show witches as the heroes (even if they give some things a fantasy upgrade, like the witchy powers in Charmed).  But we also still see a ton of horror movies where the witch is the big bad, so the scales are still tipped and we have a long way to go.

But I have hope.  Not only because I want to see more people like me in media, but because we (as a global community) are starting to have more conversations about things like this and we are starting to look for more ways to encourage representation of more groups.  And I think that is a wonderful thing!

Electric lights

 At Yule, we welcome back the light, and it's often a time for lighting candles.  And as much as I love me a good candle or twelve, sometimes the situation may not be right for an open flame.  Many people have romanticized candles, and they represent that something special is going on (whether it is ritual or romance LOL), while 'normal' electric lights feel more ordinary and don't bring that same sense of wonder.

But here's the thing....our ancestors didn't have special lights to bring out for rituals and celebrations, they used candles because that's what they had.  And even though we use electric lights for our daily life, there are so many variations on light we can still use electric lights for spiritual or special occasions...and have them different from the lights we use everyday to maintain the special feelings they evoke.

Especially at this time of year, when holiday lights are everywhere, the options are limitless.  You can find beautiful lights that suit your desires, and have something that will work for you (and everyone involved).

Now, I know some people have very conflicted emotions about holidays, so if certain lights trigger negative emotions in you, pass those over and find different ones!  And you don't have to limit yourself to holiday lights, you can work with a lava lamp or colored light bulbs.  There are fairy lights or LED lights, and of course you can put fancy shades around them (like you might put a tea light in a fancy candle holder to spice it up).

Light is such a basic thing, but it's really amazing how changing the light in a room changes the energy of it.  You can play with this, building up your collection of lights and figuring out which kind works best for you in which situations.  

And just because you are embracing electric light doesn't mean you can't also (or at different times) use candles!  This is about adding another tool to your toolbox, not necessarily replacing it (though of course if you can't ever use candles, this is a great alternative).  

One of the obvious advantages is that electric lights are much less of a fire hazard, which allows you to leave them 'burning' on altar spaces or what not.  Of course, you still want to make sure that you are taking the appropriate precautions, so make sure things are plugged in to a safe outlet, and that the heat of the lights won't ignite anything nearby, but they are definitely a safer choice if you have pets that like to investigate open flames.

One thing that takes a little bit to wrap your head around is how to 'dress' an electric light.  If I'm using candles for ritual, I do like to dress and charge them, sometimes I'll carve symbols or put some herbs in the wax.  Obviously, I can't really do these things to my electric lights, but you can still find ways to dress them up.  

Fancy tapes can be used to add flair, and you can use something like nail polish or a paint pen to draw symbols on the outside of things (like on the pole of a standing lamp, or the switch on the wall).  Or, you can make a tag to attach to your cord that you can write your intentions on.  You can likewise hang charms or bags (of herbs and stones) off of the switch (so that you can active them every time you switch the light on).  Just like when working with candles, you will want to make sure that any modifications you do don't make the lights unsafe!

I am all about feeling magical, and sometimes it's easy to overlook options, simply because we see them all the time, and so we tune them out.  But with a little twist, a bit of a different perspective and a new way of thinking, we can open up our options and end up with a whole new world of lighting to play around with.

So, whether holiday lights have always delighted you or if you are simply in need of a more practical solution for times when fire isn't the best idea, electric lights can be practical, versatile...and utterly magical!

Spoopy

 As spooky season is around the corner, and being one of those people who's life is always a little bit spooky season, I wanted to talk a little bit about the spoopy (no, that's not a typo...not now at least) phenomenon.  If you aren't aware of it, spoopy is a term for something that would be traditionally spooky (or scary, or unsettling), but is instead comical or cute.  It's taking the frightening and making it adorable or humorous...taking the edge off of it.

The story goes that the origins of the word were in a misspelling of spooky, on a sign being sold in a store.  From there, as with any internet meme, it took off, and now we see things deliberately marketed as being spoopy.  

Now, as someone who identifies as a witch, a typically spooky icon, the cutification of the scary has some interesting ramifications.  Firstly, I feel like this makes so many typically scary things much more accessible, especially to kids.  You can have cute versions of all the typical Halloween stuff:  ghosts, skeletons, zombies....and witches.  Instead of being something to be afraid of, it makes them into adorable or hilarious images that many people really like.

Personally, I love me some fright and gore, so I wasn't someone who was put off by the more macabre side of things, but I do know that a lot of people don't care for the really spooky stuff.  And I definitely thing that many of the hard-core horror representations of witches and magic definitely paint us in a negative light.  If you watch movies, you might expect witches to always be horrible, frightening and mean.  But with this new spoopy perspective, we can have adorable and cute versions, and normally those versions make the characters into helpful and friendly ones.

I feel like this will have a HUGE impact on the negative portrayal of many aspects of our practice.  If the only representation that most people see of witches is in horror movies, of course they will think the worst.  They don't have any other versions to go by.  However, if we see more spoopy translations of things, then people won't have this automatic negative attitude towards things that are more traditionally spooky...including witches.

On a more practical note, as much as I love proper scary stuff and gore, I also love me some cute, so spoopy products are right up my alley as well.  And, when it comes to Halloween and kids, I love that there are even more options that are child friendly (if you don't also have a child who loves the dark and spooky).  It lets people go all out for the holiday without needing to be scary and possibly terrifying the littles who may see your decorations.

I also think this is a sign of us, as a global society, accepting that adults can love cute things (that were once relegated to children).  I love that more and more people are embracing the idea that nothing is 'too childish' for an adult to enjoy.  If you love cute stuff, why not go spoopy for the holidays!  Let your inner child play, and get those cute and funny things that bring your spirit joy.

From a magical perspective, I love anything that gives us options, and spoopy items can let us approach things from a different perspective.  Let's think about the typical Jack-o-lantern.  It was created to scare off spirits, to frighten them away.  If we want to do protection magic with our Jack-o-lantern, it's perfectly suited.  But maybe, we want to invite children to come to our house and trick-or-treat.  In that case, a spoopy Jack-o-lantern might be a better fit.  We can find one that isn't scary at all, but maybe instills giggles in children, and enchant that to make them feel welcome coming up and ringing our doorbell.

Even around the house, a spoopy black cat might be all big eyes and make you feel warm and cuddly inside.  A spoopy ghost might fit with a welcoming house spirit.  A spoopy spider might be a good guardian (takes care of bugs but doesn't freak you out).  There are lots of ways in which spoopy versions of more traditionally spooky items can be used to twist their correspondences, so if you want to lean more towards the positive you can still celebrate the seasons, but with a spoopy twist!

Familial gratitude

 Mabon is a time for recognizing the harvest and giving thanks, and some call it Pagan Thanksgiving.  We often acknowledge the things we are grateful for, the parts of our life that are abundant and plentiful, and sometimes even the tricky bits that we have learned from.  

And while Thanksgiving is often seen as a time of family, that is sometimes the one thing we fail to focus on, when it comes to gratitude:  family.  But, for better or worse, our family shapes who we are, both physically and mentally...and often spiritually as well.

Now, before we go any further, I want to state absolutely that you do not have to love and accept your family, especially if they are horrible to you.  You don't have to be grateful for the trials your family put you trough, even if you like who you are now and you can recognize parts of yourself that were forged in the fires of a hateful family.  In fact, if the emotional stuff is too hard, you might want to start with the more basic, physical stuff.

I am here because of my family.  Literally, I exist because they exist and their choices led to my being.  I can trace physical attributes to my family, my height from my dad's side, my dark hair from my mom's.  Starting with simple physical traits like this can be very helpful, especially if you have tricky relationships with your family.

If you are lucky, like me, and you have a good relationship with your family, you can start picking out good memories that make your life richer.  (note:  if you have family issues, it's okay to not be okay with your family and still have good memories...you can be grateful for those small moments....or not, but either way it's okay)  

Whether or not you are on good terms with your blood relations, you can absolutely extend the same awareness to your found or curated family!  Take some time to reflect on your most precious memories, to hold space for the gratitude for those parts of your life and history.

We can also be grateful for the people themselves, in all their flaws and imperfections.  I think this is one of the greatest things about growing up and being an adult...we can know that someone isn't perfect and we can love and appreciate them anyways.

With a lot of gratitude practice, it's most important to acknowledge what you are grateful for to yourself, you needn't tell other people.  However, with familial gratitude, I do think it's important to let other people know how grateful we are to them (assuming a moderately good relationship...if it's a toxic one, find other people to be grateful for!)

I think it's super easy to forget to say the things we feel in our hearts, and we all sometimes feel like the people in our lives maybe don't appreciate us the way we want to be appreciated, so taking time to let them know can mean the world, especially for people we may not be in as close contact with.

And, if you're anything like me, life sometimes sneaks up on you and you realize it's been months since you talked to someone.  It's not like you intended to go radio silent, you just forgot.  And even though modern technology makes it easier in some ways to keep in touch, it also makes it harder (because we have so much noise all the time, and we are in contact with so many people), especially if you have family or friends (or chosen family) that don't frequent the same social media circles (or sites) that you do.

It can be nice to reach out, to give someone a call or an email, or even get fancy and send a card or letter (and who doesn't like getting a nice letter in the mail!).  There are so many ways to tell someone how you feel about them, that you can find one that works for the both of you.  And sometimes, picking a method of communication that isn't your favorite can be a way to show you care (I don't like phone calls or video calls, and yet I make exceptions for family and certain friends).

Ultimately, if you leave something unsaid long enough, you may miss your chance.  So, when you are thinking of all the things in your life that you are grateful for, the things that make you who you are, don't forget to acknowledge your family (blood or chosen...or both!), and let them know how much their presence in your life means to you.  It will be worth it...for everyone involved!

Sharing makes lean times better

 With Lammas around the corner, many people are thinking about the harvest, and with all that is going on in the world right now, many of us are facing a lean year.  While we may be able to make our bills and keep food on the table, we may also be cutting back extras or being especially mindful about what we are spending our money on.  And, of course, not everyone is that lucky.

But when times are lean, that is when we need to reach out and turn to our community (whether that is our pagan community, the local community or even the global online community).  Trying to handle lean times in isolation only makes them that much harder.

Sharing can mean different things to different people.  There are many ways we can share, and which we choose may depend on our individual circumstances (and the community that we belong to).  Sharing can be done physically, mentally or emotionally.

Let's talk physical.  This is the type of sharing we are taught in kindergarten, where if we have a candy bar and someone else doesn't, we can share what we have with them.  But we can also share community style, where everyone brings something to the table so that everyone can eat.  This reminds me of the story of stone soup, where it started with nothing but a pot and a stone, but everyone added a little something and soon there was enough to feed everyone.

 

Many people know it's best to buy foods in bulk, but if you have a small family that's not always practical.  However, if several households band together, they can buy things in bulk and then split the cost and products.  This enables you to take advantage of the savings without ending up with food that you can't eat before it spoils (or being in the position of not being able to afford buying enough of something to get the bulk price)

We can also share extras we have, either offering our excess to friends/family or to strangers (by donating to an organization).  I've always been one who prefers to pass items along to other people rather than throwing them out, especially for things I just don't care for (or maybe clothes that don't fit but are still perfectly usable).

Now, maybe you aren't in a position to share physically, but you can share mentally.  When I think of mental sharing, I think of helping other people find solutions to their problems.  I saw a big outreach of mental sharing with the baby formula shortage, where people were sharing their family recipes for baby formula.  I've also seen it with regards to combating food spoilage or making better use of limited ingredients.  Sometimes people have resources they don't recognize because they don't know how to use what they have.  Information is a powerful thing, but serves best when shared!

Emotional sharing is a way of helping to carry the burden of lean times.  It's emotionally draining to be in a lean space, and sometimes we just need to be able to share what we are going on....having someone to listen to us is often undervalued.  Emotional sharing is also a tricky place, and you always want to make sure you are giving as well as taking (if able!) so if you only ever talk about your troubles, you might find that the people who once helped you by listening aren't as willing to share their time with you if you never give them time to talk as well.

I also find that venting (because that's often what we need to do when we share emotionally) can become a downward spiral if you only focus on the bad stuff.  And I also know it can be extremely hard to be hopeful and upbeat when you are worried about making bills or putting food on the table.  I find that doing prosperity work when in a low place is doubly beneficial...not only do you really need the influx of prosperity in your life, but you need that shift in focus and that doing the work helps give you a sense of taking action (not just accepting what trials life throws your way).

Talking things out, especially in a group where everyone has time to share, can also lead to unexpected solutions.  We are absolutely stronger together, and what may be insurmountable for one person might be something that another person can easily help with.  That person may have an issue they can't handle, but someone else can.  By doing what we can, to help each other, we are all lifted up.

A lot of people feel like they should keep quiet when things get tough...that maybe they don't want to be a burden, or they are embarrassed about needing help, or they want to preserve their perfect image.  But we aren't meant to handle everything on our own, and there is nothing wrong with needing help sometimes.  Especially if you also look for ways to help others, in whatever form you are able to assist in.

Find your Joy

 I think Joy is something we don't seek out enough as adults.  We are so caught up in responsibility in our social roles and with the daily grind that we loose track of the things that really make our heart sing.  We put pleasure last, and duty first, and while that seems right on paper, it can leave us depleted and hollow feeling.

Part of self-care is balancing all the things you need for life, and I absolutely feel joy needs to be on that list.  We need to have things that delight us to balance out all the hard stuff we have to do.  Joy fills our tanks in a way that other things don't.  Joy gives us motivation to do the hard stuff (so that we have time to do the things that bring us joy).

But we can't wait around until we have free time to seek our Joy, we have to carve time out for it.  Litha is a perfect time to not only consider what brings us joy but also to schedule time for it.  At this time of year, we are called to remember those bright days of endless summer, when school is out and our days are our own again.

Finding Joy may take some work.  We are conditioned to think that things that are joyful are worthless or trivial.  Sometimes, we find joy in activities that aren't deemed appropriate for adults (whatever that means).  But true joy shouldn't be qualified, and if something makes your heart sing, you should acknowledge it without shame!

There are a ton of things that bring me joy that many other adults don't understand (but plenty of others share my joy).  I love video games, RPG's, trashy romance novels, coloring, making stuff with my hands, playing with cats and just laying around daydreaming.  

The thing about joy is it doesn't always take a long time to tap into.  And a few moments of really leaning into that joyful activity can give you a boost that will make the rest of your day much more productive.  When we don't have joy in our lives, we tend to go through the motions of activities we participate in, and that isn't nearly as effective as when we give it our all.

I think one of the key steps to finding your joy is to first toss out all the judgements you have about an activity.  Every snide comment you've ever heard, every distasteful look, every secret shame you've felt.  Focus instead on what makes you happy.  Think back and remember times where you just had fun, where all your worries seemed to disappear.  You may have to think back to childhood, and that's perfectly okay!

You may also find that the things that bring you joy change over your lifetime.  Some things that you loved as a child might still bring you joy but others might not seem as shiny now.  That's natural, and it's also true that things you might not have liked when you were younger are a delight to you now.

If you are stuck while thinking about things that bring you joy, try thinking about other people.  What have you seen other people doing that looked interesting.  This could be real people (friends, family, coworkers), or it could be fictional people (people in movies, books or shows).  

Joy doesn't also have to be based on first hand experience.  Sometimes we enjoy things we can't do (or can't do right now), but experiencing them second hand still brings us joy.  I might not be able to fly, but reading about someone flying can be delightful (not watching so much for me...motion sickness and all, but reading about it lets me experience it vicariously without any of the negative side effects).

So, whether you celebrate Litha or not, it's definitely worth spending some time seeking out things that bring more joy to your life.  Create a list of things that you find enjoyable, and when you are feeling worn out or frustrated, consult your list and find something on it you can do for a bit.  You may just find that regular infusions of joy can really shift your perspective and help brighten up your days!

Sex and Ritual

 

A lot has changed in the Pagan community in the years since I first started learning, and one of the big changes is in regards to sex.  Now, sex is a taboo topic for many people, and it's one of those subjects that most people receive very mixed messages about from the media.  We are taught to be both embarrassed by any and all discussions of sex and also it's shoved in our face in tv/movies and advertising.

When I first started learning, there was a lot of sexual concepts that were taught as 'standard', from the Great Rite (both in actual and in symbolic forms) to passing a kiss around the circle, to various forms of sexual magic (both magic done through sex and magic done with the purpose of creating opportunities for sex or otherwise enhancing sexual situations).

While sex in and of itself isn't bad or dirty or something to be avoided, the attitudes towards sex and ritual were less that desirable.  There was always shame put on anyone who wasn't comfortable (for any reason) with sexual content (including nudity at ritual), and sex was something that was 'on the table' for most group work (even if you chose to abstain personally, there might be sex acts going on around you).

Even outside of group situations, a lot of magic (and the process of teaching magic) was done with the bonded pair put forth as the desired working situation.  Where a man and a woman would join in a magical partnership, and sex was often a part of this bonding process.  Sometimes same sex pairings would be 'allowed' but even then, one person was expected to take on the masculine role and one the feminine (based on the idea that it was the joining of these two opposing energies that would create powerful magic).

I'm quite happy with the direction that things have taken in more recent years.  Not only do you rarely hear about things like the Great Rite (which really always sounded to me like an excuse for coven leaders to have sex with multiple partners...which of course it's fine to have multiple partners, but don't use magic as your cover, just be honest about what you want and with whom), but consent has become a much bigger topic of conversation.

Consent is one of those things that definitely needs to be talked about more (in general society), and it amuses me that most often the groups that are seen as somewhat outside the norm (LGBT+, kink, polyamory) often have a way better understanding of what consent actually means.  Consent doesn't just mean getting the other person to say yes, it means that they actually want to say yes, that they want to say yes throughout the whole encounter, and that they feel no pressure or shame if they were to say no.

So what does this mean for sex and ritual?  It means, that if you are planning on doing anything sexual, that you need to have proper consent from everyone involved...and that means everyone involved needs to understand exactly what is going on.  It means that if someone isn't interested in doing this kind of work, that they aren't shamed or otherwise treated poorly for sitting out a ritual (nor are they pressured in any way to participate).  This also means that you can't use "but sex is part of this ritual" as an excuse to be unfaithful to your regular partner (in a relationship that wouldn't normally allow you to have other partners).

And even if you aren't part of a group, there should never be any pressure to do any kind of sexual act as a part of your path if you aren't fully comfortable with it.  Now, this can be a bit tricky, especially when it comes to trauma and someone trying to do shadow work on their own sexual issues.  But I think the key here is to remember that YOU should always be in the drivers seat.  You are the one who decides when you are ready to work on the uncomfortable stuff, you decide what is too much, and no one should ever make you feel less than for what you do (or do not do).

Sex can be a powerful act that can be used magically for a variety of purposes.  You can also have powerful magic and a full and complete practice without including sex in your workings at all.  There is room enough in this world for everyone to have the kind of practice they desire, and sex is just one more variable that we can explore (or not).  And remember, "no" is a complete sentence, and you don't owe anyone any justification on why you may not want to do something.  No is enough.