Familial gratitude

 Mabon is a time for recognizing the harvest and giving thanks, and some call it Pagan Thanksgiving.  We often acknowledge the things we are grateful for, the parts of our life that are abundant and plentiful, and sometimes even the tricky bits that we have learned from.  

And while Thanksgiving is often seen as a time of family, that is sometimes the one thing we fail to focus on, when it comes to gratitude:  family.  But, for better or worse, our family shapes who we are, both physically and mentally...and often spiritually as well.

Now, before we go any further, I want to state absolutely that you do not have to love and accept your family, especially if they are horrible to you.  You don't have to be grateful for the trials your family put you trough, even if you like who you are now and you can recognize parts of yourself that were forged in the fires of a hateful family.  In fact, if the emotional stuff is too hard, you might want to start with the more basic, physical stuff.

I am here because of my family.  Literally, I exist because they exist and their choices led to my being.  I can trace physical attributes to my family, my height from my dad's side, my dark hair from my mom's.  Starting with simple physical traits like this can be very helpful, especially if you have tricky relationships with your family.

If you are lucky, like me, and you have a good relationship with your family, you can start picking out good memories that make your life richer.  (note:  if you have family issues, it's okay to not be okay with your family and still have good memories...you can be grateful for those small moments....or not, but either way it's okay)  

Whether or not you are on good terms with your blood relations, you can absolutely extend the same awareness to your found or curated family!  Take some time to reflect on your most precious memories, to hold space for the gratitude for those parts of your life and history.

We can also be grateful for the people themselves, in all their flaws and imperfections.  I think this is one of the greatest things about growing up and being an adult...we can know that someone isn't perfect and we can love and appreciate them anyways.

With a lot of gratitude practice, it's most important to acknowledge what you are grateful for to yourself, you needn't tell other people.  However, with familial gratitude, I do think it's important to let other people know how grateful we are to them (assuming a moderately good relationship...if it's a toxic one, find other people to be grateful for!)

I think it's super easy to forget to say the things we feel in our hearts, and we all sometimes feel like the people in our lives maybe don't appreciate us the way we want to be appreciated, so taking time to let them know can mean the world, especially for people we may not be in as close contact with.

And, if you're anything like me, life sometimes sneaks up on you and you realize it's been months since you talked to someone.  It's not like you intended to go radio silent, you just forgot.  And even though modern technology makes it easier in some ways to keep in touch, it also makes it harder (because we have so much noise all the time, and we are in contact with so many people), especially if you have family or friends (or chosen family) that don't frequent the same social media circles (or sites) that you do.

It can be nice to reach out, to give someone a call or an email, or even get fancy and send a card or letter (and who doesn't like getting a nice letter in the mail!).  There are so many ways to tell someone how you feel about them, that you can find one that works for the both of you.  And sometimes, picking a method of communication that isn't your favorite can be a way to show you care (I don't like phone calls or video calls, and yet I make exceptions for family and certain friends).

Ultimately, if you leave something unsaid long enough, you may miss your chance.  So, when you are thinking of all the things in your life that you are grateful for, the things that make you who you are, don't forget to acknowledge your family (blood or chosen...or both!), and let them know how much their presence in your life means to you.  It will be worth it...for everyone involved!