Dark and light are entwined, both part of the same cycle, both different sides of the same coin. We think of them as opposing forces, but they are nothing without the other. And yet, when we are enveloped by one, it can be hard to perceive the other.
For many people, we are in a time of great darkness. This year has be so hard on so many people, and that is just the topper! Everything we have gone through this year is lumped on top of all the regular junk that we are trying to deal with. And then the actual year has gone through it's darkness, so we are faced with the literal fading of the light. It's layers upon layer upon layers of dark, so finding the light is like trying to see a candle burning in another room....with the door closed, your eyes shut and while wearing a blindfold.
Sometimes, when we are in the deepest darkness, the tiniest spark can be blinding. And other times that same spark can be swallowed up by the dark to where we question if we saw anything at all. Neither way is right or better than the other, and we may find that some things hit us one way while others hit us the other. When you realize which way the light is hitting you, that is when you can adjust and embrace what is there!
Often, the way that we see the light is the opposite of what we feel like we need. When the dark is pushing in on us and swallowing any light we may have found, we feel compelled to try to make that light shine brighter. That is when we run around the house, turning on all the lights, lighting all the candles, making noise and being loud about how we aren't afraid or aren't sad or aren't being effected by the darkness at all.
And then when the smallest light seems too bright, we want to dim it even further. We don't want the light to go out, but we wrap ourselves in the shadows it creates. We find solace in that very darkness that threatened to consume us. These are the times we have to go through something to come out the other side. We need to open to the darkness, to allow it to run it's course, while keeping our eyes on that spark of light, just the barest brightness is all we need to sustain us.
But what do you do when you feel like you can't find the light at all? Sometimes, when the whole world feels dark, we turn inward and we stoke up our own fires. We become the light burning in the darkness and we shine our light so the world can see. Just knowing that we might be someone else's light is what keeps us going, it's the fuel we throw on our fire and it's the guard against the cold wind that blows.
Then other times, we know our coals are completely burnt out. And we have to reach out, to find someone else's light to bask in for a while. There is a phenomenon where if you blow out a candle, then hold a lit match near it...but not touching it...the candle will catch fire again. Sometimes, that is all we need, a little jump start so we can get burning again. But other times, we need to rest, like wood that is wet, it doesn't burn well (if it will light at all), but if you lay it beside a fire, eventually it dries out and then it can be lit.
No matter where you are, be kind with yourself. Dark times ebb and flow, and we all go through stuff. Not only that, but we all have different levels of comfort. For some, the desire is to live in the bright light, while others prefer to hug the edge of the shadows, and then there are those who are most comfortable hidden in the dark and watching the light from afar.
And wherever you are comfortable, you may find yourself forced into another level...for a moment or for much, much longer. It's okay if you need to borrow light from other people as you strive to cultivate your own.
Whether you are searching for a spark, a candle or a bonfire, no matter how dark the night feels or how long it has been, the light is there. Seek out the light you need, and sit with it. Find the balance of light and dark that works best for you, and tend it whenever you can. You will find the more you work with this interplay of light and dark, the more accustomed you will become to the levels that you thrive in, and the easier it is to return to them when the light shifts.
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