If there is something that can be said about the recent times it's that there are so many lessons to be learned. We build up these habits, ways of doing things that feel familiar to us, and when we are forced out of those well-ingrained patterns, we find ourselves really faced with recognizing not only the bits we really loved, but also the bits that just didn't work.
With a big winter storm outside my windows (not to mention the ongoing pandemic...), the need to stay in is great. But Valentine's day just came and went, and this is a hard time for a lot of people. Society has built this holiday up to a crazy level, where if you are in a relationship it's expected that you do something grand and elaborate to 'show' your love, and if you aren't in a relationship you often just feel excluded and alone. So may places in my local town are closed, and the usual 'date night' options just aren't as viable, especially if you have anyone in your close family who has to take extra precautions. And if you are on your own this year, the extended isolation we have all been feeling might be highlighting an already difficult time.
But there is something really cool about staying in, whether you are alone or with the person (or people) you care most about. Perhaps it's the introvert in me speaking, but I love having the fridge stocked with favorite foods (or picking up some great takeout), and then knowing we don't have to go anywhere. Maybe we will watch a movie or play a game, or just sit and talk. I definitely know it's the introvert in me talking when I say I also enjoy days like this when I'm all alone!
The key is to make it special. Especially if you've been staying in for a while already, you don't want to just do the stuff you ordinarily do. Take the time to make dinner special, whether you cook an absolute favorite comfort food, some fancy thing that you don't normally do or something completely new that sounds fascinating. Don't just toss on the show you have been watching, but pick a movie (and why not make some popcorn or have snacks with it).
I read something interesting recently. When all the crazy started last year, people were expecting the stay at home orders to create a new baby boom. The thought was that with everyone home and with nothing better to do, people would be getting it on and thus boom...babies! But what they have found is the exact opposite. There are less babies being born that usual, and the new thought is that being forced to stay around each other means people are annoying their partners, so less baby-making is going on.
Now, whether you want to get your sexy on or not, the truth of the matter is that often times familiarity breeds boredom, and boredom breeds apathy. When you are always home, and always with the same person, it can be hard to get as excited about things as when you didn't see them as often. Plus, many people equate staying home with 'don't have to put forth any effort', and they may dress in their comfortable (but not as attractive) clothing, or not put on makeup or do their normal grooming routine. Pretty much abandoning everything you would normally do for date night. I don't typically do a lot of makeup type stuff, but I realized the other day that I haven't painted my nails in over a year...that's definitely a change from the last few years where I tried to paint them at least once a month.
It's worth taking the time to make things special now and again. It doesn't matter if you are doing it solely for yourself or if there is a partner (or family) involved. Setting aside a day or evening as a special time can be highly rejuvenating. Think of it as a ritual recharging time...whether you are recharging your own self-love or the love you feel for another person, love takes effort, you can't just say the words and have that be enough.
If we continue to think of it as a formal ritual, what does that entail? Well, I'm a big food person, so I would definitely plan some kind of special food. It doesn't have to be complicated or expensive, but it needs to be thoughtful. One of my favorite special treats for myself is brie and English muffins. It's something I tend to get myself on holidays, because I just really enjoy it. Pick up a drink that you adore as well, something that makes you happy when you have it.
And then we get to the ritual bath! Here, I'm not just talking about the actual bath/shower, but the whole grooming process. Do what you would do for a nice occasion, so maybe shave, put on a bit of scent, do your hair. And by all means, make it a nice experience, so bust out the bath bubbles, put on some nice music, and let yourself sink into the cleansing process.
Take care in picking your clothes. Now, you don't have to go super fancy here, especially if you are by yourself, but maintain that mindfulness. Clothes are a way we use to express ourselves, so make sure to ask yourself what your clothes are saying about you. Even if you are alone, you want your clothes to make you feel powerful, attractive, loved and worthy. If you love getting dressed up, go for it! Put on that fancy dress or the pants that make your legs look amazing. Even if you only dress for part of your evening (maybe you want to get super cozy later on with leggings and a sweater because it makes you feel SO at home!), the one thing you want to avoid is anything that makes you feel sloppy, or bad about yourself. I'm a leggings girl, but I definitely have my nice leggings and the ones that have seen a few too many washes and are probably best only worn around the house.
And finally...do something that makes you happy. This is highly personal, and could be anything from doing a craft, reading, watching sports or a movie, playing games, talking, or anything under the sun that you enjoy. Take some time to really think about what you would love to have more time to do, and see if you can find a way to do it. Sometimes you might have to do something adjacent to what you really would like. As much as I might like to be traveling around the world, that's just not in the cards right now, but there are some amazing travel shows that are pretty great to watch!
We have a double standard of time and money that we apply to activities. A lot of people think nothing of spending a chunk of change on a dinner at a restaurant, but they wouldn't buy a pricey steak to cook at home (even if it only costs a fraction of the amount the dinner out would). We will spend money to watch a movie in a theater but not to rent one online. We will spend a hour getting ready to go out, but don't want to spend time getting 'fancy' to stay in.
And yet, when we do these things, when we take the time and effort to make a home experience something out of the ordinary, it can be amazing! We can transform our house and our selves and make the most of what we have, and it often doesn't take a whole lot more than setting the intention and working towards it. You may be surprised what you can create, when you put your mind to it!
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