Accepting change

 If there is one thing in life that is constant...it is change.  All things change, and change is inevitable.  There is no way to stop things from changing, and the sooner we get that, the better.  Change can also be really hard for us to accept, and we may find ourselves fighting tooth and nail to avoid change.  We might deny it, clinging to a past that doesn't exist anymore, or we may try to ignore it keeping our focus somewhere else, but nothing we can do will stop the change from happening.

Some change is great!  When we are in a low place, or perhaps not the best of situations, we welcome change.  We seek it out and try to call it to us.  Sometimes we are so eager to leave where we are at that we don't really think about what kind of change we are embracing and we rush blinding into a worse situation simply because it's different.  

But sometimes, things are good, and we fear change.  We want those happy moments to last forever, and we know that the higher we get, the more likely it is that change will take us down a notch.  We worry that what we have built will all come crumbling down and we'll be left with less than what we started with.

Sometimes, change is lateral, meaning it is movement but it's really not up nor is it down.  Things shift, but we remain in relatively the same place that we were before.  We may get a new job, but it makes about the same and our interest level in it is similar, so yes, there was change, but then again not much really changed.

The thing with change is that we have to be willing to accept it.  To embrace the change, whatever it is, and learn to roll with it.  Because the thing is that resisting change just makes it harder for us to find whatever good might have come from the change.  We are so busy trying to keep things the same we may miss opportunities or overlook the blessings that happened in the midst of all the chaos.

If, on the other hand, we focus on the journey, we can learn to open our arms to the wild ride of change and be excited to see what it will bring us to.  We will be ready to pounce on the things that are whizzing by us, instead of trying to grasp what is being pulled away.

Even with the worst changes, there are bright spots.  When you think your world is ending, instead of looking at what you are loosing and being sad, focus on the happy memories.  Tuck the good times away in your heart and mind, so that you can look back whenever you need a boost.  Those bright bits can make the transitions of change a bit easier, because you aren't focusing on the loss and chaos, but on the things that you cherish.

It can be really helpful to formally acknowledge the change.  This is why we, as humans, have so many celebrations and graduations.  We ritualize our transitions, so we can honor both where we came from and where we are going.  And you can create your own rituals to help you through any changes that you are struggling with.

Start by looking at what was.  The more honest you can be, about both what you love and will miss, and about what wasn't so great and that you will be happy to let go of, the more smooth the change will be...even if what was is mostly on the good side.  Simply by naming the great things, we firm up their presence in our lives, and we reinforce the desire to have similar good things come back to us.  By naming the less than great things, we pinpoint what we don't want.

Next, go through your list of things and think about how the change might effect them.  For the good things, think about ways in which they might become even better.  Loosing something wonderful doesn't mean it is devalued to us, and finding a 'new' thing (that might be more wonderful) doesn't make our past joys any less.  In fact, it is often those previous happy moments that let us really appreciate the new ones!

For the less than good things, think about how the change could open the way for something better.  Use the upcoming change to focus your energies on growing and expanding.  The point here is to replace each negative with something better.  And sometimes, if you have been down for a long time, thinking big isn't in your vocabulary, and that is okay.  Remember, better is relative, so maybe the new job isn't your dream job, and it's still not in a field you particularly enjoy, but it's got better pay or it's got better hours....or maybe even it's just different (new bad is still more interesting than the same old bad you've always had).  

Working through an upcoming change can helps us prepare mentally for the chaos that change brings.  It is a way for us to get accustomed to what may be, and to say goodbye to what was.  If you work through the change in a journal, or by creating something to honor the change, then you will always have that journal or creation, alongside your memories, to look back on, when you are feeling nostalgic (or when you want to remind yourself how far you've come).

Change can't be avoided, but with a little work, we can mitigate it's chaotic effect on our lives.  We can tune down the negatives and play up the positives and we might just find that instead of dreading upcoming changes, we begin to look forward to seeing what newness they can bring into our lives!

Appreciating the sun

When you say magical, a lot of people think of night time, with the moon hanging in the sky and stars twinkling above.  The moon gets a lot of magical attention, with different attributes for each of the phases, and many people work with the moon throughout the month.  Even if you only work with the four main phases (new, waxing, full, waning), you are still doing something roughly every week.

But when we think about working with the sun, we typically think about the Sabbats.  We have these large moments that honor the suns cycle throughout the year, tapping into the seasons and how the world changes.  So, we work with the sun every one and a half months.

I think the sun sometimes gets overlooked because it is so very constant.  The sun rises every morning (sure, the time varies, but how many of us are up every morning at sunrise to be aware of that) and sets every evening, and we are used to being out and about when it is shining in the sky.

In a way, we take the sun for granted, which is a seemingly glaring oversight especially for anyone who works with nature and celestial bodies.  It is the most present force in our lives, and by all rights we should work more with the sun than any other celestial body, but because it is always there, we over look it and seek out more interesting astrological events to work with.

Our bodies literally absorb sunlight, which increases our vitamin D production (a vitamin that aids in calcium absorption), it can help the body release serotonin (which helps improve our mood), and it is important in regulating our internal clock (helping you sleep better).  This is why some people struggle more in the winter with depressions, as they aren't getting as much sunlight.

Of course, we are well aware in this day and age, of the dangers of the sun as well.  We know that spending too much time out in the sun unprotected can cause sunburn, which isn't good for us in the long run.  The good news is it doesn't take much time (about ten minutes a day) to reap the rewards of the sun.

I definitely find that when I'm feeling low that going out in the sun boosts my mood.  I don't sunbathe for long periods, but sometimes I just need to get out and face the sun (with my eyes closed!) and let it soak into me.  The curious thing (for me), is that if I spend a lot of time outside (like on summer vacation), my body will retain that feeling of warmth for a very long time (I'll feel less cold for weeks afterwards).

There are a lot of ways to work more closely with the sun.  One of the simplest is to greet the sun every day.  And no, you don't have to get up at dawn to do this!  I greet the sun as part of my morning ritual every day, whenever I wake up.  I open the window and take a moment to gaze outside, seeing what the weather is like.  I have a small chant I say that says goodbye to the night and hello to the day.  I find this helps me really start my day off right.

Another way to work with the sun is to charge things in it's light.  Just like I go outside and soak in the sun, I can take my tools outside and give them a dose of sunlight.  We charge items in the moon, why not the sun!  It is just as magical, and you don't need to leave your stuff out all day, just take the things you wish to be sun-blessed outside and ask the sun to charge them for you.  This is great to do with any sun aligned herbs or stones, but also any fire or air tools.

Moon water is a pretty common ritual supply, and while you can certainly make sun water, why not take it a step further and brew some sun tea.  This is a really simple beverage to make, just take a large jug of water and some teabags outside and let it steep in the sun until it is as strong as you would like.  The heat helps brew the tea.  You can add some honey to sweeten it (honey also has great golden sun energy), and drink it when you want a bit of a boost from the sun!

Even though we see it every day, the sun is a powerful force, and could play a greater role in our magical practice.  It is tempting to look for the mysterious and mystical when we seek out the magic in our lives, but we would be limiting our experiences if we didn't spend more time tuning into the sun (and not just thinking about it at Sabbats).  Step outside, turn your face to the sun, and just allow the energy to fill you up!

Role of Fatherhood

 Father's day is just around the corner, and it is a holiday that many people have mixed feelings towards.  It's funny because it is the counterpoint to Mother's day, and yet more people are comfortable celebrating their mother (even if their relationship isn't great), than their father.  

I think a lot of it is our changing thoughts, as a society, on what it means to be masculine and how that applies to our perception of fatherhood.  What was once thought of as traditional values now sometimes cross into toxic masculinity.  Things like being stoically anti-emotional, being strong to the point of pain, being the sole provider (so the wife can stay home and take care of the house and family), and being over-protective of their families.  The thing is, that all of those points can be expressed in a healthy way, as long as we don't take them to extremes.

And I think that is one point where many people get lost.  It isn't about hating men or talking about how fathers don't take on household responsibilities, it's about looking at the individuals and not the stereotypes.  I read a really great article on Archetypes vs Stereotypes that I think explains things well.  The issue is that most people think they are upset by the archetype of the father, when actually they are upset by the stereotype.

Think about the 'not all men' response.  Almost all of us know great fathers, whether it is our own or not.  We know that some fathers share in the emotional caring for their children and some help around the house, and some fill the role traditionally filled by the mother.  But we still have these negative stereotypes around fatherhood, and these seep into our relationship with our own fathers (and our children if we are the father)....and our self.

Much like we can mother ourselves, we can also father ourselves.  We can be the things we wish our father had been, and even if we have a wonderful father, we can step into that role and support ourselves when he isn't around to help us.

While 'mother' is associated with emotional support and comfort, 'father' is connected more strongly to pushing us to keep going when things get hard.  Remember, we are talking about archetypes here, of course not every mother or father displays these qualities, and that is perfectly fine!  But when we are thinking about fathering ourselves, it is a bit of tough love.  

Fathers tend to be the ones to push us to try harder, to get back up when we fall and to not be afraid of getting hurt.  Now, this isn't to say that they don't want to protect us, because protection is a core attribute of fathers as well.  But fathers look at the bigger picture, and know when something is a growing pain (as in a challenge to be overcome) and when something is a danger (something that will actually cause you deep and lasting pain).  

And while we have the mother bear image of protection, fathers are constantly on the lookout for threats to their family.  They consider all things potential dangers, and will work to make sure the environment is safe for the ones they care about.  While the mother stays behind and guards the vulnerable, the father goes out and hunts down the thing that is lurking in the shadows.  It is a more active defense.

Connecting to the father within lets you be your own backbone.  It is stepping into that fierce pride you feel when you have struggled for so long, but finally you get things figured out.  It is being vigilant and seeking out ways to ensure your safety, before any threats reveal themselves.  It is knowing how to handle small pains and focus on the goal at hand to get the job done.

I was the only child of a military man, and my dad definitely pushed me to try harder.  He led by example, and I grew up wanting to be like him.  He is one of those people who just doesn't always notice the small pains, and it wasn't uncommon for him to come in from working in the yard with a bleeding wound that he didn't even know he had.  He taught me to stand up for myself, and that fighting shouldn't be my first solution to a problem, but that if I had to fight, then fight hard and fight to win.

He also taught me to be confident in my own abilities, and to not let anyone else tell me that I wasn't capable of doing something (regardless of my age or gender).  Dad encouraged me to be well rounded, to not have to rely on anyone else (asking for help is one thing, but being helpless is something else entirely).  

These are the things that I seek to do for myself, when I work with the father within.  I want to be my own champion, so that I can be strong and trust myself.  My dad doesn't live near me, so I don't seen him often, but the more I work with fathering myself, the closer I feel to him.  But if your father isn't one who fills the fatherhood role for you, then working on fathering yourself can help break those ties between what you feel fatherhood should be and what you experienced as a child.

Regardless of who your biological father is, who filled the father role for you when you were little, or your relationship with them, whether you had one father, no father or many fathers, learning to father yourself can give you a well of strength to draw upon.  It can help to mend your sense of trust that might have been broken when you were a child.  And it can bring your inner world into better balance by giving you the other half of the foundation you need (alongside learning to mother yourself).

Sacred Rest

 I think we, in this modern day and age, have lost touch with what it means to actually rest.  We take vacations and have weekends, but often we don't really stop.  With phones and computers (and phones that are computers...) we are always within reach of jobs and family and responsibilities.  We have become masters at multi-tasking, but we don't really know how to truly let go and relax.

Part of this stems from the super competitive world we live in.  We feel that if we aren't accessible to our boss, perhaps our job will be given to someone else (or we may be looked over for promotion or other benefits).  We extend our availability far beyond what it should be.  Of course some jobs come with an 'on call' responsibility, but for most of us, once we have left work, we don't need to be at our job's beck and call...and yet we are.

And, as many people found out during this pandemic, just because you work from home doesn't make it easier to relax and let go.  In fact, quite the opposite is true.  If you are able to work at home, you have to set very clear boundaries on what is work time and what is not, or you end up having your work bleed over into your home life all the time.  

Outside of work, there are a lot of other responsibilities we carry with us.  Making sure everyone gets fed, everything gets cleaned, all appointments are met on time...these are all burdens we carry, and they not only take up physical time and energy (to do the tasks), but also mental time and energy (to remember to do the tasks).  This mental strain is one that wears on us, it is where we are least likely to let go and truly rest.

Even when we are supposed to be resting, we often are trying to 'catch up' on stuff we think we should have done (or things that are coming up).  We are so busy, it can be hard to actually stop.  A lot of people feel so overworked that they don't feel like they can even take a five minute break, and that is a shame!

I remember reading an article about our ancestors, back when we were hunter gatherers.  It was debunking the notion that ancient peoples worked all the time.  Yes, there was lots of work to be done, but there were still times where work couldn't be done.  If you only have a campfire, once the sun goes down, your options are limited.  In the depths of winter, when snow covers the land, there isn't as much to do.

Even once we developed agriculture and started keeping tamed animals, there were fallow times.  Certain seasons might be extra busy, but there were also times where there wasn't much going on.  Times where people could rest and recover.  Time for sitting around with family and friends, telling stories and reminiscing.

And though women tend to have more 'never ending' type of work, in days past they would band together, and share their work, so that individual women could take breaks.  In some places, a woman was considered unclean during her menstrual period, and so was secluded (and thus exempt from her regular duties).

Rest is one of those things that is more vital than we may think.  If you aren't well rested (and I don't mean just getting enough sleep, though that is certainly a part of it), you start to drag at everything else you do.  Your mood wanes and you may find yourself more irritable than usual.  Things take longer, because you just are so tired of doing them.

Taking time off can feel enormous.  It may make you a bit crazy at first (what do you mean I shouldn't worry about what's for dinner???), and you may have a bit of a freak out at thinking about what won't get done while you are resting.  

But here's the thing.  Most of the chores we do (and stress over), don't get harder if we skip them a time or two.  If you miss one cleaning session, it doesn't take you twice as long to clean the next time you go to do it.  And other things that we worry about doing 'on time', may not actually matter (if you are resting, eat when you feel like it!)

A big part of taking a proper rest is communicating to the people in your life about your intentions.  Turn off your phone (so you won't be temped to answer that work call).  Tell your family that you are taking the day off (and perhaps get someone to handle the kids or food or those kind of things).  And then tell yourself!

Pick things that not only relax you, but that restore you.  Things that nourish your spirit.  This could mean different things to different people!  Maybe, you are craving a long soak in the tub.  Maybe you want to wander in the woods all day.  You might like to set aside a day to play a new game, or read a book (a new one or an old favorite).  You could fix some snacks and watch a movie or binge watch a show.  You could craft or do art.

The big thing is you deliberately and intentionally put 'should' and 'must' do things out of your mind.  Let yourself be free for some time.  If you find yourself starting to think about chores or work or other responsibilities, just remind yourself that you are on a rest, and that someone else can handle it.

And once you start to get the hang of taking time off, make it a regular thing.  Make rest part of your spiritual practice, because it is sacred and necessary and it will make every other part of your life better.  Simply knowing you have a rest time coming up lets you push a little harder and give more freely, because you know you can take a break soon.  

You will want to work up to at least a full day off, but smaller sacred rests can be a huge boost as well.  If you are absolutely slammed, take five minutes, or a single breath.  Set up a touchstone or ritual, that you can access anywhere, to key your mind into the fact that you are on a break.  This might mean a simple phrase you can say to trigger letting go ("Just for a moment, I am free."), it might be a hand gesture (maybe you will find a mudra you love), it might be a piece of jewelry you can wear while working (a spiritual symbol or a personal one).  What you use isn't as important as the fact that you keep doing the same thing when you take a break...and you try to just let everything go for that short moment you have.

Whether your rest time is long or short, it is a respite from the constant pressure we have to keep going.  Rest is necessary to avoid burnout, to keep us inspired and excited to face each moment.  Rest helps us be the best version of our Self that we can be.  So no matter what is going on in your life, no matter what your circumstances are, find ways to properly rest and make it part of your sacred work!

Clinging to 'modern' traditions

 There is this misconception in some areas of the Pagan world, that certain practices are ancient and traditional, and thus shouldn't be mucked about with.  The problem is that many of these so called historical practices really aren't.  They are practices that were put forth in the revival of modern witchcraft, and are inventions of the 20th century.  Sure, many are rooted or based on earlier practices, but the idea that there is some kind of unbroken line of practice, from medieval times (or earlier) is just a fantasy.

It's a romantic ideal, that we are following directly in the footsteps of our ancestors, and for many people this brings a sense of connection and belonging that is highly valued.  The problem is that it creates this false sense of tradition, and often becomes a point of disagreement when anyone wants to change things up or practice in a slightly different way.  

I feel like the biggest issue is that there is a disproportionate amount of importance put on practices being authentic.  And I think a lot of it stems from trying to portray a sense of legitimacy.  Many of the other mainstream religions have practices that originate hundreds or thousands of years in the past, and it's like some Pagans feel that we need the same in order to be taken seriously.

But there is a flaw in this thinking, in that just because something is old (and unchanged) doesn't make it true or even a good fit to modern life.  And if you look at other mainstream religions, they have had to alter their practices as well, as new situations pop up that require hard questions to be asked and answered.

I also think some of this stems from many modern Pagans not having even the barest understanding of the history of their own spiritual practices (let alone the practices of other Pagan paths and practices).  I wouldn't consider myself a historian by any mark, but I still have a broad strokes understanding of where some of my practices stem from, and where there are big blank spots in the histories.

I am also not a believer in tradition for tradition's sake.  I think having some traditions to retain a connection to our ancestors is a good thing, but we need to be mindful of what they are, what they mean to us now and what they meant to our ancestors.  Some practices feel more attuned to this kind of introspection.  Any form of ancestor work will tap into it, but also Sabbats and feasts and remembrance types of rituals.

What I don't think needs to be shackled by tradition is my everyday practices.  The way I brew my tea (or coffee...), the way I cast my circle, the types of materials I make my tools out of (yes, I'm looking at you plastic), the way I keep my information and notes...these are all things that have changed greatly over the years.  

There is nothing wrong with wanting to have a beautiful, hand-written and illustrated, leather bound Book of Shadows, but there is also nothing wrong with having a digital one.  I firmly believe our ancestors would be fascinated with many of our modern conveniences, and fully on board to embrace things that make life better.

One kind of interesting one that came up for me recently involves tarot decks, specifically altering or breaking up established decks.  Now tarot deck modification isn't a new thing.  People have been edging and/or trimming their decks for ages (probably as long as there have been decks!), but it's become quite popular lately, and thus has received some backlash.  Some people have gotten quite offended that people are modifying decks and 'ruining the artist's intention'.

I recently joined a group that is doing a lot of tarot swaps....creating brand new decks that are made of single cards from a whole host of other decks.  These 'new' decks may even break the 'traditional' format of the tarot, not holding to the 78 card set that many are familiar with.  And again, there have been people who have been horrified and outraged that anyone dare to 'mess with the tarot' as if it were somehow sullying the spirit of tarot itself.

But here's the thing....tarot evolved!  It wasn't always the 78 cards that form the standard deck.  There is a lot of debate as to when tarot decks first came into being, and where they originated, but if you look at the early decks, there is a wide variance in both the number and names of cards.  

And it's not only the early history that has this type of variation.  Sometimes decks will have their majors in a different order, or they might swap the elemental associations of suits.  There are different styles of decks (like the Thoth deck), and even other whole divination card systems (like Lenormand).  More recently some decks have added an additional card, the Happy Squirrel...which is based off of an episode of the Simpsons.

This need to cling to 'tradition' and insist that practices never change is something that will cause people to stagnate.  Change needs to be a part of things or they are no longer living they are dead.  And yet, the familiar is comfortable, and having some core practices that are recognizable to many different people helps facilitate working together and discussing what we do in our individual practices.

What we need to keep in mind is that we need to be flexible in our practices.  We need to stop and think through our issues, and not just cling to 'the way things have always been done' because it is familiar to us.  And we need to look into our history, so we can actually know how far back our practices are rooted....so we don't make claims that aren't true.  There needs to be more discussion about how we build our practices and less arguing over who is right and who is wrong.