Reflection repetition for growth

 We know that we need to repeat things in order to get better at them, but a lot of the reflective aspects of our practice are considered one and done.  We don't think of reflection as a practice in and of itself, but more like it's a check on our other practices.

I think it's useful to take a moment to explore the meaning of the word reflect.  It has quite a few meanings!  Of course it can be a physical thing, like how light reflects off of something shiny or how a mirror creates an image of something.  But it can also mean to think deeply or carefully about.  This is the meaning I want to focus on (though there is a bit of the first couple, especially in how we often reflect ON something we have done or experienced, creating a 'reflection' of the thing through the lens of our own perspective).

But when we sit down to reflect, we are in essence reacting to a previous version of ourselves.  We might want to reflect on moments in our past, on a ritual or reading we have done, on how our life is going, or on a shadow aspect of our self...or a million other things.  Reflecting allows us to really dive deep into what happened and explore things that we might have missed in the moment (I often find that I recognize patterns easier later on). 

Another value of reflection is that we can revisit things when we are in a better headspace.  Sometimes, experiences are so intense we can't really process them in the moment.  We need some space from our own emotions, or perhaps we weren't able to think clearly (we might not have had time to stop and think).  For this kind of reflection, it can be really handy to jot down some really quick notes, as soon as you can after the experience.  Especially if there are bits you know you want to explore when you have time, that way you don't forget the important parts.

And while sitting down and reflecting is great on it's own, there is also something to be said for repeated reflections on the same topic or question.  It's something I've been working with this year (as my planner has the exact same five reflection questions each week), and I'm finding that it's really working for me right now (though I've also tried the same thing a couple of years back and found it tedious, so you might need to play with the questions and frequency of reflection to find what works best for you).

One thing I've discovered is that it's okay to not write something new when you do a repeated reflection.  This is something I really struggled with early on (and also in my gratitude practice, which can be a similar repeated practice).  I felt like I had to come up with something unique every time I answered a question, instead of just writing what I felt in that moment.

Here's the thing though.  Even if your feelings are similar, you sometimes come up with small nuances that you might not have discovered if you only answered the question once.  And even if it is the exact same answer, that gives you information on how often you get the same answer for a question.  

For example, one of the questions I've been reflecting on this year is "How can I help others or be of service?"  This is often a very tricky one for me, as I mostly stay at home (we do grocery shopping on the weekend, and might see friends, but most of my time it's just me and maybe hubby when he's not working).  So, there are weeks where I don't really have an answer to this question.

And here's the interesting bit.  Even though I don't always have a good answer, by continually asking myself, I stop and think about it each week.  I try to think of a way to be of service to someone, even if it's just a tiny thing.  Or maybe I'll find something helpful to do around the house.  Maybe it means I go out of my way to say something nice to the checkout person at the grocery.  But it's all stuff that I wouldn't have thought of if I hadn't been constantly asking myself the same question!

Another way to think about reflections is the light concept.  When you reflect on an image, it's like putting up a mirror.  But that mirror only shows one side of the thing.  In order to see the image more completely, you need more mirrors.  Each time you reflect, you add another mirror.  Eventually you can see so much more than you first can, because you have so many mirrors to look into!

And that can be a much easier way to tackle something big and upsetting.  By reflecting many times, you don't have to do such a deep dive each time.  You can reflect on as much as you feel comfortable with, and then put it aside for a bit.  When you are ready, you can come back to it, read over your previous reflection, and add something new.

For this kind of reflection, it can definitely be helpful to keep your reflections together.  Reading through previous reflections helps you gain perspective and insight.  You can notice the patterns that show up in your reflections, and you can also see the growth!  Perhaps something you struggled with a lot early on doesn't show up in your reflections anymore, but when you read back to the early days, you can see how far you've grown!

Whatever your path, I definitely think reflection is a great tool to take along with you.  I also believe it's greatest strength lies in returning to your reflections and adding to them...repeating the reflection so that you can experience and see your own growth!

Familial gratitude

 Mabon is a time for recognizing the harvest and giving thanks, and some call it Pagan Thanksgiving.  We often acknowledge the things we are grateful for, the parts of our life that are abundant and plentiful, and sometimes even the tricky bits that we have learned from.  

And while Thanksgiving is often seen as a time of family, that is sometimes the one thing we fail to focus on, when it comes to gratitude:  family.  But, for better or worse, our family shapes who we are, both physically and mentally...and often spiritually as well.

Now, before we go any further, I want to state absolutely that you do not have to love and accept your family, especially if they are horrible to you.  You don't have to be grateful for the trials your family put you trough, even if you like who you are now and you can recognize parts of yourself that were forged in the fires of a hateful family.  In fact, if the emotional stuff is too hard, you might want to start with the more basic, physical stuff.

I am here because of my family.  Literally, I exist because they exist and their choices led to my being.  I can trace physical attributes to my family, my height from my dad's side, my dark hair from my mom's.  Starting with simple physical traits like this can be very helpful, especially if you have tricky relationships with your family.

If you are lucky, like me, and you have a good relationship with your family, you can start picking out good memories that make your life richer.  (note:  if you have family issues, it's okay to not be okay with your family and still have good memories...you can be grateful for those small moments....or not, but either way it's okay)  

Whether or not you are on good terms with your blood relations, you can absolutely extend the same awareness to your found or curated family!  Take some time to reflect on your most precious memories, to hold space for the gratitude for those parts of your life and history.

We can also be grateful for the people themselves, in all their flaws and imperfections.  I think this is one of the greatest things about growing up and being an adult...we can know that someone isn't perfect and we can love and appreciate them anyways.

With a lot of gratitude practice, it's most important to acknowledge what you are grateful for to yourself, you needn't tell other people.  However, with familial gratitude, I do think it's important to let other people know how grateful we are to them (assuming a moderately good relationship...if it's a toxic one, find other people to be grateful for!)

I think it's super easy to forget to say the things we feel in our hearts, and we all sometimes feel like the people in our lives maybe don't appreciate us the way we want to be appreciated, so taking time to let them know can mean the world, especially for people we may not be in as close contact with.

And, if you're anything like me, life sometimes sneaks up on you and you realize it's been months since you talked to someone.  It's not like you intended to go radio silent, you just forgot.  And even though modern technology makes it easier in some ways to keep in touch, it also makes it harder (because we have so much noise all the time, and we are in contact with so many people), especially if you have family or friends (or chosen family) that don't frequent the same social media circles (or sites) that you do.

It can be nice to reach out, to give someone a call or an email, or even get fancy and send a card or letter (and who doesn't like getting a nice letter in the mail!).  There are so many ways to tell someone how you feel about them, that you can find one that works for the both of you.  And sometimes, picking a method of communication that isn't your favorite can be a way to show you care (I don't like phone calls or video calls, and yet I make exceptions for family and certain friends).

Ultimately, if you leave something unsaid long enough, you may miss your chance.  So, when you are thinking of all the things in your life that you are grateful for, the things that make you who you are, don't forget to acknowledge your family (blood or chosen...or both!), and let them know how much their presence in your life means to you.  It will be worth it...for everyone involved!

Spiritual Self-care

 As a Pagan, I often think of both self-care and spirituality as being holistic...as in needing to work with body, mind and soul.  To me, they are intimately connected, and my spirituality is part of my self-care (and vice versa).  But I also tend to plan them separately.  When I think about an activity that I am planning on doing, my brain thinks of it as either a self-care thing or a spiritual thing (even though I know they both benefit each other).

I recently came across the concept of Spiritual Self-care days (though sadly I can't remember where I saw the idea), and it clicked in my brain that this was SUCH a good thing!  Especially for someone who is both busy and struggling to spend time honoring the holy days they wish to honor.

Basically the idea is, you set aside a special day (or as much of a day as you can), and you devote yourself to spending some time slowing down and recharging.  But really thinking about the ways in which your self-care can also be spiritual.

For this blog post, I'm going to take the example of a full moon, but like I said, you could do this for any spiritual day that is important to you.  You could also do this if you need a self-care day, but want to make it a bit more spiritual.

But let's say that you've always wanted to mark the full moons, and have never found time to do it.  Or maybe you aren't sure what you should DO to honor the full moons.  I mean sure, you've read a handful of full moon rituals, but maybe none of them really speak to you.  

Start by thinking about what the thing you are celebrating means.  The full moon is a time of high energy and accomplishment.  It's the moment when all the things you have been working for come to fruition.  It's a time to celebrate the great things in your life.

Thinking about the full moon energy, let's say I decide I want to spend the evening enjoying the bounty of my life.  Now comes the fun part:  figuring out how to translate that into self-care!  Remember, we are doing a holistic self-care day, so we want something that helps restore us body, mind and soul!

 

Let's start with body.  Since we are focusing on bounty, we'll include some kind of treat.  A food and drink that make you feel luxurious.  Maybe you grab a favorite drink or make yourself a lovely cup of tea.  If you enjoy baking or cooking you could make your own snack, but if those things feel like work to you than you can buy something (or ask someone else to make you a favorite!).

Other options for body might be some kind of movement that makes you feel amazing.  Or maybe a bath followed by spending some time massaging yourself with a lovely lotion or oil.  Dance can be an amazing way to express yourself (especially when you are alone and don't have to be self-conscious about how you dance...)

 

((Quick note:  I know self-care isn't all fancy baths and pretty things, and I know that often hard things are the most amazing for us, when it comes to self-care, but since we are doing this as a spiritual practice, for this version of self-care, I would stick to things that feel the most fulfilling....leave the work type self-care or deep shadow work for other times...unless you really feel called to do it, then have at it!))

For mind, think about what your brain craves.  Sometimes this might mean times of silence, and maybe you want to meditate or just spend some time thinking and reflecting.  Journaling is a great activity for the mind.  Or maybe you want to dig into a really interesting book, some topic you've been wanting to learn about and haven't had time to start.  But you may also need to give your mind a rest, and in that case, you might turn to a lighter activity.  Maybe reading a novel that sounds fun or watching a show that makes you laugh.  I definitely find that sometimes I need to do things that don't require a lot of brain power, just to let my mind rest.

And finally, we have soul.  This is where spirituality ties in!  This is also where typically we'd be doing any magical or spiritual work.  So you can absolutely do a spell or some other ritual action.  But you can also spend some time chanting or listening to music you find spiritually inspiring.  You could work on a craft project or do some art.  Maybe spend some time with a tarot or oracle deck or runes.  

The beauty of this practice is that it can be customized to YOU and what you need in that moment.  You can adjust the activities to any holy day you want...or even practice self-care spiritual days with your self and well-being as the focus (instead of an external holy day).  What I like most about it is that it takes some of the pressure off of honoring a holy day.  Instead of feeling like you need to do 'work' or have some sort of big observance, you can feel into what you need and then plan activities that feed that need while also honoring your spiritual path.

Meditation practice

 If I were to suggest any single practice to a stranger, it would probably be meditation.  It really is just a staple practice that brings benefits from the first time you do it to the last, for everyone.  And it really both surprises me and makes me sad when people say they don't like meditation.

I feel like there is a huge misconception about what meditation is.  You say the word meditation, and many people immediately think of robed monks, sitting in stillness and silence, for hours on end, with the goal being to empty your mind and have no thought.  And while this is absolutely ONE form of meditation...there are a million more!  If you have tried to meditate before, and felt like you didn't succeed at it, then you should absolutely try it a different way!

Before I start talking about variations of meditation or about why a regular practice is important, I first want to touch on what it means to meditate successfully.  Meditation isn't like many other practices that have a success parameter.  In fact, I'd be willing to say that there is no way to fail at meditation (besides never trying it *grin).  

So, what can meditation do for you?  There are a ton of benefits that can be gained through meditation, from lowering stress and anxiety, improving your mood, enhanced thinking and even pain reduction.  While once it was more of an esoteric practice, today many doctors recommend meditation as a helpful practice (to go alongside traditional medical procedures).

One of the things I find most appealing about meditation is that it is available to everyone.  It doesn't take any special equipment or training.  You don't need a teacher (although there are many great teachers out there and lots of people find having a teacher useful).

Not only can you literally start wherever you are, whoever you are, but there are so many different ways to meditate, there is absolutely something for everyone.  I suggest trying a couple of ways, whatever sounds the most interesting to you...and also trying a couple that sound either very different or maybe not that appealing to you.  Sometimes, we surprise ourselves, and something that we didn't think would work for us ends up being amazing.

One of the first types of meditation I learned was a body scan relaxation technique.  With a body scan, you start at one end of your body, and go part by part, simply putting your attention in that part of your body.  It can be helpful to notice any sensations you feel in that area, from pain or itchiness to warmth or pressure.  You can add in relaxation by deliberately relaxing each part as you go (if you struggle with this, try tensing each part first, then relaxing it).

Another form of meditation I learned early on is active meditation or moving meditation.  I used to run track, and it was very easy to slip into this type of meditative focus while running (especially since I was a long distance runner).  I also find it easy to access this type of meditation when doing anything repetitive that doesn't require much thinking (like washing dishes or shuffling cards).

A very popular style right now is mindfulness meditation.  This involves being open to all your senses in the present moment, including your thoughts.  But, instead of following your thoughts (letting one lead into the next), when you become aware of your thoughts, you notice them and then let them go.  This definitely (at least for me) takes some practice, and I've learned that adding in labeling (when I have a thought I label it:  past/future, helpful/unhelpful or whatever categories you feel fit).  Note, it's really interesting to see what your most common types of thoughts are, once you start labeling.

Focused meditation involves picking a focus and trying to fill your awareness with just that one thing.  This is one I often see mentioned in Pagan books as the candle exercise, where you sit with a lit candle in front of you and just look at it.  You might have also heard about it as breathing meditation (where your breath is the focus).  I really like using an auditory focus, whether that means picking some kind of white noise (like nature sounds), music or even just focusing in on what you can hear in the world around you.  This is a really great way to meditate if you are in a noisy environment, because you use what might have been a flaw to your benefit!

I'm really just touching the surface of the many types of meditation out there, and it would be impossible for me to cover them all.  But what I really want to bring up is that regular meditation practice is where meditation shines.  As I said before, you can gain benefits from your very first meditation session, but the more times you practice, the easier it will become, and the more deeply you will feel the benefits.

I also feel like regular practice allows you to try different things, whether it is whole new styles of meditation, alterations to a practice you regularly do or simply using a different focus.  And making your meditation a regular practice allows you to make the most of the time you do spend meditating.  I feel like spending ten minutes a day meditating is better than spending an hour once a week meditating (and it's often easier to sneak in ten minutes a day than to find a whole hour you can devote).

It may be helpful to think of meditation as a toolkit, and each time you practice you are making your tools a bit better.  Each different type of meditation is a different kind of tool, and some may be better than others in different situations.  So, not only does repetition make you better at meditation, variety makes you more versatile.  

If you have been wanting to get into mediation (or maybe you already are, but haven't broadened your practice yet), then I encourage you to give it a go!  Remember, you can keep trying different ways until you find the ones you like best (though I still encourage you to keep poking at the ones that are less appealing, just to make sure nothing's changed).  And every time you sit to meditate...you are winning!