Cutting ties

 As a society, we are getting better with encouraging people to maintain stronger boundaries and cut toxic people out of their lives...even if they are family.  However, a lot of times this doesn't extend to people once they are dead.  We are expected to ignore all the bad things they did in life and 'remember the best of them.'

This can be extremely toxic if you have family members (or other people, not just family) who were horrible to you when they were alive.  Death isn't a clean slate, and we have no responsibility to maintain ties with the dead if it is unhealthy for us!

Now, I don't think that we should just be cutting contact with the dead willy nilly, especially when it comes to the long dead.  So much was acceptable (and not understood) at other times in history that if we cut ties with every ancestor (blood, spirit or path) that did things we wouldn't accept today...well we probably wouldn't have many people left to work with. 

But we also need to remember that working with the dead is an energy exchange, and the more we work with a particular person, the more we 'keep them alive' in our hearts and minds.  So we should definitely be mindful about who we are letting in, and who we want to keep out.

When it comes to the more recent dead, I think it's definitely reasonable to apply the same restrictions that we might on our living relatives.  If I wouldn't be associating with you if were still alive, why should I spend a minute working with you now that you're dead.

I'm not someone who believes that the dead can't change, but I also don't believe that it's my job to rehabilitate my ancestors.  If I choose to take up that work, that's fine, but no one should expect me to devote myself to helping people who don't want helped.  Or to exposing myself to people who personally trigger me (due to my personal memories of our interactions and how they make me feel).

The good thing is that you can absolutely cut ties with the dead that you no longer wish to associate with.  In some cases, this is as simple as just making the choice to not engage.  In other cases, you may have to do more intensive work to keep them from interfering in your life.

I'm a big fan of warding and setting clear energetic boundaries for who is welcome in my home..and who isn't.  I also think that it's fairly rare for the dead to pester the living (without some kind of encouragement).  But, if you are having issues, you may need to turn to stronger protection work, like banishing.

And of course, you will want to echo your spiritual work with physical work.  This may mean making it clear to your living family that you don't want to visit the graves of certain ancestors, or be involved in any remembrances dedicated to them.  Sadly, this may also mean that you have to reinforce your boundaries with relatives who don't understand why you don't want to toast you great-uncle. 

Your reasons do NOT need to be made public.  If you feel like sharing why you are cutting ties with a relative, that's one thing, but just remember you don't owe the dead anything, so choosing to distance yourself is YOUR choice.  Remember, no is a complete sentence and it's not rude to keep your reasoning to yourself.  

I'd also like to add that it's okay to change your mind.  Perhaps you were okay with someone, but you then found out more information and no longer wish to engage with them.  The same way that you might end a friendship if you found out your 'friend' was cheating on their partner, it's okay to cut ties with someone who you thought was a decent person...but then you found out otherwise. 

And on the flip side, maybe you had serious issues with someone and cut all ties with them, but either you found out something new about their situation, or you have done enough personal work to have overcome your trauma regarding them.  Maybe you want to reconnect, to reach out and find out more about them (and your relationship).  Even if you hadn't worked with them before, you can reach out and start connecting.  ((And it's not a set in stone thing either...if you try to connect with them and find out that it's just not going to work, they really are horrible, then cut those ties again!))

The dead may not be exactly the same as the living, but that doesn't mean we should allow them to do what they like.  We can maintain our healthy boundaries and cut ties with people who are harmful to our mental well-being.  Think of them as people first, and dead second, and trust your instincts.  If their presence in your life brings you more sorrow than joy, perhaps it's time to think about letting go of the relationship.

Misunderstood faith

 Faith is something that is so very powerful, and often very personal....and for many people very misunderstood.  Not in the sense that a person misunderstands their own faith (though that happens!), but typically that other people misunderstand your faith.  

This isn't a Pagan only problem.  This is something that is faced by anyone who's faith isn't mainstream....and even then sometimes!  I honestly think that it's not an exaggeration to say that the average person understands very little about faiths that they haven't lived with personally.  

And I think this is a HUGE failing on our part as a society.  Of course faith is a broad topic, and even with more structured religions (that have a holy book, tenants of faith and other rules and regulations that constrain followers) there are so many variations that it's very hard to remain current on what the standards are.

Add into that the fact that many people (in a wide variety of faiths) personalize their beliefs, and you start to see the issue.  Many people like to assume they know what someone believes, because they were told certain things about different faiths, and that is such a dangerous way to approach something that is considered so sacred to many people.

For example, witchcraft is still shaking off associations with things like devil worship and human sacrifice...something most modern witches would never consider practicing!  And I've never come across anyone, who has those associations, who got them because they actually knew someone who identified as a witch and used those practices (or 'heard it from a friend').  It's almost always another religious 'leader' who is telling people these outdated stories (often out of a desire to turn people to their own religion).

Speaking of which, if we flip the script around, and talk about Christianity for a moment....that's another religion where I feel many people are misunderstood (and others are very clearly understood....they just aren't actually practicing what they say they are).  The sad fact of the matter is that there are SO many very loud 'Christians' who don't see their faith as a guideline for how to live their own life, but rather a metric for judging others (harshly) in order to feel more self-righteous.  And that has led to many great Christians being seen as hypocritical or being distrusted, because of the actions of the loud ones.

I feel like one of the biggest issues plaguing this topic is one of silence.  Many faiths include holy secrets, things that aren't discussed with outsiders.  And religion has become such a hot topic that discussion of it is discouraged in many places (because people can't figure out how to talk about things respectfully *sigh).

But talk is exactly what we need!  We need to talk to people of other faiths, and to learn about the faiths of people in our lives.  I love learning about what my friends and family believe in, and I would much rather ask someone directly what they believe in (and thus hear their personal feelings and thoughts on it...and any twists to the standard they might take) than to search online for an 'impartial' definition.

I understand that some aspects of our faith might be private and not something to be shared, but when able we should strive to have honest conversations with other people about what we believe in.  And when someone shares their beliefs with us, and they aren't something that works for us, we should be respectful in honoring our differences (assuming of course that their beliefs don't involve harming other people...because then the gloves can come off!)

We should also do our best to not judge anyone based on a preconceived notion of what their faith is.  There are a lot of vilified faiths out there, often where extremists who use their faith to hurt others have tainted the reputation of the faith as a whole...even though the extremists aren't actually representing the faith as a whole.  A very similar issue is when we take outdated sources as 'fact' and judge modern practitioners based on what ancient books say.

Of course a tricky spot for this is when a religion has a holy book that is also historic.  Because there are so many things that used to be common and accepted..that are no longer tolerated.  That would be like someone judging all witches by the writing in the Witch's Bible (including all the gender stuff and sexualized content).  

I also think that we should encourage everyone to be very critical about their own faith.  To question things in their personal beliefs that maybe haven't stood the test of time.  Or any kind of issue where 'you think this (insert judgemental thing here) is wrong/sinful/amoral, but you don't have a problem with (people who do the thing)'....often called 'hate the sin, love the sinner'.  Difference of opinion is one thing, but believing a part of someone is 'evil' but claiming you don't dislike the person...that's a conflict of thinking right there.

I don't think we will ever see a world with unified religion, because religion is such a personal thing.  What I think we should be aiming for instead is religious harmony, where people can practice what makes them feel most fulfilled (again...without harming or restricting other people), and everyone is okay with it.  Where each person's faith is treated with respect and honor, and people are given space (and time!) to practice in the way they see fit.

Mental health practices

 Mental health is not only a topic that's receiving a lot of attention lately, but also a field in which we've progressed quite a bit in recent history.  I always find it interesting to see how many mental health techniques (from books targeting specific mental issues) overlap with witchcraft practices.  

Let's first talk a bit about what mental health is.  Mental health does of course include how you think, but it also addresses how we feel and our social interactions.  Honestly, it's everything that isn't only a physical thing (because we definitely know that many physical ailments include mental health issues).  As such, it can include things like anxiety or depression, but it can also mean a lack of mental stimulation or feeling spiritually disconnected.

The thing about mental health is that it's very much like our physical health.  Most of the time, we are relatively 'healthy' in the sense that we aren't in crisis.  Which means we may be functioning (barely) or not even aware of what we are struggling with.  But just like how eating healthy and getting some good movement in helps our overall physical health, having healthy mental habits helps keep us out of mental health crisis.

There are a lot of parts of magical practice that are very good for our general mental well being.  Some of the first things many of us learn, when starting on our path, is how to ground, center and meditate.  And these are excellent tools for mental health practice!  Grounding is a way to deal with excess energy (and can be used for emotional energy as well, not just spiritual energy!), centering is a way to focus (great for when you are all over the place mentally), and of course meditation encourages us to regularly sit with ourselves (and whatever comes up).

Many witches include journaling as part of their practice, and journaling is such a wonderful tool for mental health.  The great thing about journaling is that it be what you need it to be.  If you have something you need to vent, pour it out on paper.  If you have something you want to say to someone, but are afraid to...write it out (and either burn it...or bless it and send it).  If you are trying to figure out what's going on in your head, explore it on the page.  If you are feeling down you might want to write about a better place (or time, or situation).

 

A lot of spiritual practices involve mindfulness, either as an exercise on it's own (like when you take a moment to focus on every aspect of eating an apple) or as a way of life (trying to spend as much time being in the moment as possible).  For many of us, moments out in nature, just existing, are deeply spiritual, and something to be sought out throughout the year.

Another wonderful tool is tarot (or any form of divination that can be used for personal reflection).  I love that a lot of the focus on using tarot is less about external stuff (which job should I take?  will I marry someone rich?) and more on internal stuff (what will make me happy?  why is this thing bothering me?).  There are TONS of wonderful spreads out there that can help you explore just about anything you might want.

Of course, we can't talk about mental health without talking about shadow work.  Shadow work is basically taking those bits of yourself that you keep hidden away...and exploring them, bringing them into the light (with the goal of integrating them back into your whole self).  It often involves unpacking things that we've been told since birth or rooting around in traumatic memories.  The fact that shadow work is a recognized part of so many magical practices says a lot about our spiritual community (in the best of ways!)

A lot of both spell and ritual work also involves mental health practices.  Think about the setup to do a spell.  You have to tune into (and often fine tune) your desires (when you work out the purpose and details of the spell).  You look at it from many angles, seeing different aspects that you want to call on (when gathering ingredients).  You take time to get into the right headspace (preparing to do the work), and then focus on one thing intensely (a form of meditation).  Doing these actions regularly (and often for a wide range of subjects) is a form of mental health practice.

If you are someone who works with the cycle of seasons in any form (or astrology, or moon phases...any 'over time' kind of practice), that is another way to tap into mindfulness.  We are looking at the world outside and then checking in with ourselves and asking what we need right now in time.  We are thinking about the times that have just passed and recognizing what they have given to us, and we are looking ahead and planning for the future times.  

All in all, almost every aspect of Paganism includes some form of mental health practice.  And this is one of the reasons why I feel like it is such an appealing path for so many...because we can each get from it the things we need to work on our mental health and thus improve our life.

Spoopy

 As spooky season is around the corner, and being one of those people who's life is always a little bit spooky season, I wanted to talk a little bit about the spoopy (no, that's not a typo...not now at least) phenomenon.  If you aren't aware of it, spoopy is a term for something that would be traditionally spooky (or scary, or unsettling), but is instead comical or cute.  It's taking the frightening and making it adorable or humorous...taking the edge off of it.

The story goes that the origins of the word were in a misspelling of spooky, on a sign being sold in a store.  From there, as with any internet meme, it took off, and now we see things deliberately marketed as being spoopy.  

Now, as someone who identifies as a witch, a typically spooky icon, the cutification of the scary has some interesting ramifications.  Firstly, I feel like this makes so many typically scary things much more accessible, especially to kids.  You can have cute versions of all the typical Halloween stuff:  ghosts, skeletons, zombies....and witches.  Instead of being something to be afraid of, it makes them into adorable or hilarious images that many people really like.

Personally, I love me some fright and gore, so I wasn't someone who was put off by the more macabre side of things, but I do know that a lot of people don't care for the really spooky stuff.  And I definitely thing that many of the hard-core horror representations of witches and magic definitely paint us in a negative light.  If you watch movies, you might expect witches to always be horrible, frightening and mean.  But with this new spoopy perspective, we can have adorable and cute versions, and normally those versions make the characters into helpful and friendly ones.

I feel like this will have a HUGE impact on the negative portrayal of many aspects of our practice.  If the only representation that most people see of witches is in horror movies, of course they will think the worst.  They don't have any other versions to go by.  However, if we see more spoopy translations of things, then people won't have this automatic negative attitude towards things that are more traditionally spooky...including witches.

On a more practical note, as much as I love proper scary stuff and gore, I also love me some cute, so spoopy products are right up my alley as well.  And, when it comes to Halloween and kids, I love that there are even more options that are child friendly (if you don't also have a child who loves the dark and spooky).  It lets people go all out for the holiday without needing to be scary and possibly terrifying the littles who may see your decorations.

I also think this is a sign of us, as a global society, accepting that adults can love cute things (that were once relegated to children).  I love that more and more people are embracing the idea that nothing is 'too childish' for an adult to enjoy.  If you love cute stuff, why not go spoopy for the holidays!  Let your inner child play, and get those cute and funny things that bring your spirit joy.

From a magical perspective, I love anything that gives us options, and spoopy items can let us approach things from a different perspective.  Let's think about the typical Jack-o-lantern.  It was created to scare off spirits, to frighten them away.  If we want to do protection magic with our Jack-o-lantern, it's perfectly suited.  But maybe, we want to invite children to come to our house and trick-or-treat.  In that case, a spoopy Jack-o-lantern might be a better fit.  We can find one that isn't scary at all, but maybe instills giggles in children, and enchant that to make them feel welcome coming up and ringing our doorbell.

Even around the house, a spoopy black cat might be all big eyes and make you feel warm and cuddly inside.  A spoopy ghost might fit with a welcoming house spirit.  A spoopy spider might be a good guardian (takes care of bugs but doesn't freak you out).  There are lots of ways in which spoopy versions of more traditionally spooky items can be used to twist their correspondences, so if you want to lean more towards the positive you can still celebrate the seasons, but with a spoopy twist!