We live in a world with a huge amount of variety and differences between people. In fact, I would bet that no one can name a single person who actually agrees with them on everything (even if they claim they do...often to avoid confrontation). But for all the differences we have, most people also have never learned how to actually get along with people who are fundamentally different to us.
It is natural to tend to clump together with people who are more like us than not. But the simple fact that someone is different doesn't make their differences bad. I feel this is one big factor that many people just can't accept.
First, I think it's important to start at a basic understanding. I, as an adult person, do not have the right to tell any other adult person how they should be living their life, AS LONG AS they are not trying to hurt or control other people. It is not our job to police other people.
Now of course nothing is as simple as that (sadly). People often have different ideas of what constitutes harm, and we also have varying ideas about how to handle issues with kids (who can't always advocate for themselves). But we have to start somewhere!
We also have to learn to separate fact from opinion...and this is something a lot of people struggle with. The thing about facts is that they don't care if you believe in them or not....they simply are. Facts also don't have exceptions. So if you are trying to argue about a thing, and keep finding outliers....it might be time to ask yourself if you might be trying to argue an opinion, and not a fact.
Once we get down to opinions, then things get tricky. Because opinions are things that are true for YOU, but not necessarily for anyone else. I can like, or not like a thing, but that doesn't make the thing good or bad...it just means it's not right for ME.
And a very common attitude is that everyone else should adapt so that everything is right for ME. The issue with that is that we can't all be the center of the universe. And I honestly think no one should have that perspective. ((even in special occasions...like when it's your birthday or wedding....it's okay to want to feel special, but if you feel like other people OWE you their misery just so you can be happy...that's not cool))
We share so many spaces and experiences in life, and we find ourselves in situations where we find ourselves in conflict with others. We all end up in situations where compromise is the best course. And it's been a pretty common thing in recent years for people to make their own struggles everyone else's problem.
Often, when we gather, there is someone who is in charge of the space. This might be the actual owner (in the case of a store or home), but it could also be an organizer (in the case of an event). And whoever is in charge of the space can set ground rules: expectations that people in that space are expected to comply to.
We see this a lot when it comes to ritual hosting. Especially since Paganism is such an open faith, and we each decide how we want to walk our path. But when we come together, we need some structure to help everyone get along.
So, lets say we are going to be attending a ritual that is being held at a local park. The ritual leader has let everyone know that alcohol will not be permitted (as per the rules of the park), but that it is also going to be an adult only event, and everyone present needs to be 18+. They let everyone know that it is open to all genders, and that Loki will be honored at the ritual.
Having these kinds of rules gives everyone attending a sense of what will be going down, and what they can expect to experience. As someone who wants to go to this event, if I disagree with the rules I can absolutely ask if exceptions can be made. But, if the ritual leader explains that the rules are there for a reason, it isn't within my rights to demand that the rules be changed...even if that means I can't attend.
It doesn't matter if my personal beliefs state that drink must be offered at all rituals. It doesn't matter if I'm a single mom with no one to watch my toddler. It doesn't matter if I think that my 17 year old is mature enough to attend. It doesn't matter if I am not comfortable with men being present. It doesn't matter if Loki terrifies me.
On the other hand, the ritual leader doesn't have the right to tell people they have to come (and abide by the rules of the ritual). It is every person's right to decide if they can abide by the rules of the situation...or not.
So when you find yourself in a situation where there is disagreement, first look for actual harm. Then consider whether or not the thing in disagreement is a fact or opinion. Make sure you know the rules of the space you are in, and then talk about what accommodations could be made. And if you still aren't comfortable....then it's okay to just leave.
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