Remembrance through food

 

 At Samhain, we often share a meal, and many people set out a place for those who have passed.  And while many people feel certain foods are traditional, and like to make them, we can also make foods that remind us of those who have gone before, as a way to honor and remember them.

Food is such an integral part of our lives, and is very strongly related to memory.  I have so many food-related memories, and now when I eat certain foods I am reminded of people in my life. Some of those memories are from sharing food with people, but I also connect people to food because they taught me to make a certain dish.  And I have a few recipes that were passed down in my family, so even though I never knew the person myself, I can keep their memory alive by cooking their recipes.

I love the idea that we can pass on food memories as well.  If I cook a dish for a friend, and it's one I learned from my family, I can share my stories with them, and now they will have some of that memory to hold onto.  It makes me realize how connected we all are, and even though we may not share a blood line, we can forge connections to other people's ancestors and share in the memories they have left behind.

I also think that food creates a legacy, even if you don't know the stories.  It's a way for us to leave behind a little bit of ourselves, something that either we loved or we created, and people who knew us will be able to enjoy the same foods we loved after we are gone.  It brings me comfort to think that my son will think of me when he eats certain dishes, and if he has kids, maybe they will eat dishes and pass their love of them on.  Even once my name is forgotten, there will be that tie of food down through generations, and that is pretty nifty to me.

However, if you want to create more of a connection, it can be really lovely to create a meal of dishes that have emotional meaning to you, and to tell the stories about why you love these dishes with the other people eating with you.  You also don't have to limit yourself to those who have passed on.  By including the living, you create more connections between people, both here and gone.  And you might be surprised at how sharing your memories around food can surprise others...sometimes the things that we find the most meaning in may be missed by other people, even if they were involved.

I love hearing about how my friends and family have been affected by my role in their life, and I think it's important that we tell other people how we feel while they are still here to hear it.  But don't fret, you can still acknowledge other's impact in your life after the fact, and I find that taking the time to recognize how someone has influenced my life not only makes me grateful for those connections, but it reinforces in my brain the memories, keeping them alive in my heart.

And while this is something we may focus more on at Samhain, we needed restrict our adventures in food memories to just this time of year.  This is a lovely way to remember anniversaries (either of someone's birth or death, or any other significant date), by cooking a meal dedicated to a particular memory.  We can create memory feasts at any time that feels right!

And we don't even need other people to be present, if we want to have a private memory meal.  Especially if you are missing someone who either has passed on or who doesn't live close to you.  You can plan a meal that reminds you of the person you miss, and treat it as if you were sharing the meal with them.  Speak (or think) about them as you prepare and/or eat the food.  

Food is something we all share in common.  Everyone eats, and by sharing meals we connect with each other in ways that linger.  Whether we want to forge new memories (by sharing a feast with family or friends), remember those we've lost (and honor their memory through food) or feel connected to people who we don't get to see as often as we might like, food can be a powerful tool that lets us find our place in the world and share our memories with others.

Researching your path

 

One of the things I find so wonderful about Paganism is that there is so much room to personalize your path.  If you really love divination, you can dive deep into that, but if you don't care for it you don't really have to do it at all.  There are so many areas of interest that we can explore, and sometimes it can be daunting to try to figure out how to actually learn about a new subject that sounds interesting.

 

I think one of the first steps is to learn some basic information.  If you learn about something that sounds interesting to you, before you rush out and buy a bunch of stuff, dip your toes in.  Look up the topic and read some basic info online (for free!).  This will allow you to gauge if you are interested enough to pursue further study....or you may find out that the bit you read satiated your curiosity and now you are content to not explore it further.

 

It's important to remember that deciding not to study a topic right is not only perfectly fine, but it doesn't close any doors!  Not every subject is going to be interesting to you, and you may have thought something was going to be different and as you learn a bit about it, you realize it's not what you thought it was, or it just doesn't hold your interest enough.  You may find yourself drawn back into the topic later, and it might be more compelling then.  You can always choose to come back to things you passed by previously...and sometimes the timing just isn't right when you first learn about a topic, and later you are more suited to actually dig in and see what it's all about.

 

Once you have decided to look further into something, it's time to find more resources.  There are often a ton of resources online, and sometimes quite a few books on the topic.  But not every source is created equal, and I find it good to not only check reviews, but to ask around for other people's suggestions.  Even in very public groups, asking for recommended reading can give you a lot of insight...pay attention to sources that multiple people recommend, and try to avoid the ones that people seem to tell you to stay away from.

 

*note:  I personally like reading both good and bad books on some topics, but I keep mindful of the ones that have a bad reputation...I like knowing what types of misinformation or harmful stereotypes are out there.  Your mileage may vary, but getting recommendations from the community can help you get a sense of what is generally considered useful information and what might be misleading or even downright harmful.

 

When asking for recommendations, it's always helpful to give a little context.  If you just starting to explore a subject, ask for beginner sources!  Many topics can get quite complex, and starting off with a more advanced source can be frustrating or downright impossible to make headway in.  Many advanced books assume you already have a certain level of understanding on the subject, and may gloss over basic concepts, so having your foundation in place first is important!  But, if you get more advanced suggestions of really good sources, it might be useful to keep a list of those, so that when you get more familiar with the subject you have some good ideas of where to look to deepen your knowledge and understanding.

 

I also have learned that when you are reading something and a really unique idea pops out, it can be helpful to cross-reference that idea with other books on the same subject.  Pagan topics can often include a lot of UPG (unverified personal gnosis...aka people's personal experiences or ideas).   The thing about UPG is that it can be amazing and thought provoking...and it can also completely contradict the generally understood information.  This is another of those things where being aware of what type of information you are consuming (is it UPG, is it historically sourced, is it fiction) can allow you to decide how to handle the information.

I'm of the personal opinion that much can be gained from UPG (or fiction, or other 'non-historical, non-traditional' sources), but I do always take them with a grain of salt.  There are a lot of topics that, if you take them far enough back, started out as UPG, and enough people shared the same types of experiences that eventually the ideas became tradition, and they have remained applicable throughout the years.  

The thing is that we deal with a lot of stuff that can't always be scientifically observed and measured.  What we experience in meditation is highly personal.  Our interactions with spirits or deities is often internal.  Even spellwork can be debated as to whether it's a matter of causation or correlation (aka is the result coincidence).

Ultimately, I think that no matter what you learn in a book, the value of information is how it works in your practice, so the final step for me is always "does it work for me."  I think it's important to remember the "for me" part of that...because we are all different and what works for one person may not work for someone else.  This is where UPG comes back in, and why I love hearing how other people do stuff.  It won't always work for me, but I enjoy trying things that others have recommended.

 

So, no matter what you are looking to learn more about, these are a few steps to help get you on your way, and to avoid some of the major pitfalls (and mental blocks) about exploring a new fork in your path.  For so many of us, there is always something new to explore and learn, and having some tips to help make the process smoother is always useful!  Don't be afraid to dabble in a bunch of things until you find the one that really grabs your heart and makes you want to learn everything you can!

Figuring out your spiritual needs

 

 One of the things I've always loved about Paganism is how much of it is very much 'choose your own.'  Sure, if you join a group or pursue degrees in an organization, there may be structure, but in our personal practice, there are no hard and fast rules or really anyone to tell us that we should (or should not) be practicing a particular way.

And in fact, this can be a struggle for a lot of people, both new and more experienced.  It's hard, because you kind of have to figure it out yourself, there is no guidebook to turn to when you have a question about how often to do a thing or whether one method is 'better' than another.  It definitely takes some getting used to, that every part of your practice is ultimately up to you.

I also think it complicates things that many resources out there suggest a way of doing things, but don't make it clear that it is JUST a suggestion!  I've read so many books that will introduce a practice, like meditation or reading tarot, and they will give suggestions on how often to do something, but not give a lot of options for if that one way doesn't quite work for you.

Meditation is a great example.  A ton of sources recommend meditating daily, often for between 10-30 minutes.  And for some people, that works great!  For others, it's too long, or too frequent.  Maybe you just don't have that much free time (and you don't want to spend what time you do have meditating!), or maybe you tried it and sitting for 30 minutes a day was just too much for your body.  

 

One saying I absolutely adore suggests that doing a thing at all is better than not doing it (often applied to difficult tasks, where we may not be able to do them perfectly or even completely, but doing a little is still better than not doing it at all).  In the case of meditation, if 30 minutes a day doesn't work for you, but you enjoy doing 30 minutes once a week on the weekend...do that!

Many people like to have a framework to start from, and books are great for that.  It used to be that Pagan books told you how to do things (as in they explained how to cast spells, how rituals were structured, how to ground), but didn't often suggest a plan for actually doing all the stuff.  However, in recent years, more books have come out with a plan, whether it is a way to build up practices or a full year of daily activities.

If those kind of things appeal to you, find one that seems enticing and give it a try!  I haven't seen a suggested plan yet that I feel I would be worse off for having tried it, even if it didn't work for my life.  So you really aren't out anything by giving things a go, and you might find that even if the whole plan doesn't work for you, bits of it do (and you can always keep the parts that work for you and let go of the rest!).

I think that having a rough idea of what you want your path to look like can help, so it may be useful to sit down and brainstorm about what spirituality means to you.  Are you looking for something with more structure, or do you need freedom to follow your whims?  Do you want daily practices that you can build on, or would you rather stick to bigger observations throughout the year (or both!)  How close of a relationship do you want with deities...or do you even want to work with any?  Do you want to work alone, with others or a combination?

These are a few, broad questions to start with, but anytime you learn something new, you can ask yourself how you see that fitting into your practice.  It might be that you want to start off learning a little bit about a bunch of different topics, just to see what interests you the most, or maybe you already have something you really want to dive deep into, and you can start planning out how you want to approach that study.

I feel like one thing to always keep in mind is that you are absolutely free to change your mind (and your practice!) at any given time.  You may have tried some things out, and realize that it's too much or not enough for your needs.  Adjusting how much time and energy you devote to this aspect of your practice can make it fit better with your life.  And remember, we are constantly changing, so our needs might change too...a practice that fits you now, might need adjusting in a few months, or even after decades of doing things a particular way.

 

Wherever you are on your path, spending some time to check in and see if your spiritual needs are being met (and are meshing with the rest of your life), can be a very helpful way to make sure you are living the best Pagan/witchy life you can.  And just taking a moment to think about whether you are doing enough, or too much, of anything can be a helpful starting point in figuring out just where that sweet spot is for you.  You may be surprised to find out that things that you thought were 'just fine' could actually use a little tweaking!