Balance is one of those concepts that many people strive for, like peace and happiness. But it's not a clearly defined thing, and can be a struggle to achieve. We may have this romantic image of a 'balanced' life, as a tightrope walker poised in stillness on their rope, or a plate divided into equal sections. But balance is a fluid thing, and it is ever-changing. If you watch someone walking a rope, they aren't ever really still, the robe is constantly shifting, and they are making tiny corrections to stay balanced. And if we try to give all things equal time or attention, we don't end up balanced, because different activities have different needs.
I've actually found myself using the world balanced less, in favor of 'harmony'. I think both seek to capture a similar state of being, where all the parts of your life are working together, and each individual one is as optimized as possible. But where balance implies that sense of equality and stillness, harmony speaks to me more of entwining and music, of a shifting dance that becomes something beautiful, but only if each piece is giving the correct focus at the right time.
With the Autumn Equinox just around the corner, many people are thinking about balance. In particular, we talk about this time of equal day and night, and of the tipping point between the light half of the year and the dark half. But really, the light and dark aren't out of balance the rest of the year, they are just weighted differently. In the summer, we embrace the long days, but we often crave that darkness and coolness that comes with dusk, just as we reach towards the light during the darker parts of the year.
If we think about the areas of our life, we often talk about finding a balance....between home and work, between solitary time and time with others, between work and play. There are so many things to keep balanced, it can be quite the juggling act to keep up.
And that is a wonderful image to consider, because juggling is all about adjusting and adapting...and keeping all the balls under control. I was going to say moving, but there are lots of fancy juggling tricks where, at one point or another, one of the the things being juggled is taken out of the rotation for a bit. The sword is held in the teeth for a few rounds, and then swept back into the mix. Or one apple is thrown a lot higher, so all the rest get cycled through before that one comes back. And talented jugglers can manage to juggle objects that are dissimilar, instead of three beanbags, they juggle an apple, a sword and a beanbag....and that means they have to adjust to the shape and weight of each individual object.
But what really makes this analogy shine is the fact that even when doing simple juggling, it's not just a matter of tossing some balls in the air and catching them. Each time you touch a ball, you have to feel how it is doing, and make sure you send it on the right path. Each time around is different from every other time, and it's all about the adjustments.
We want to be able to just make out a plan and 'balance' everything. We want that platter with a nice little section for every part of our life, each thing staying to it's own partition, and the perfect space for them all. We want to be able to lay everything out and then be done, to 'be' balanced.
But life isn't simple and tidy, and it is constantly throwing us curve balls. So many people are facing this issue of balance right now, because the life that they had created, the one that was working, has been shoved all out of wack. They don't have clear lines between work and home, they may be having to spend more time helping their kids figure out their own balance (between school and play), they may be struggling to find that alone time they need to counter all the enforced together time.
The lovely thing about looking for harmony is you can accept that some notes are stronger than others....but all notes need a break or breather. When you look at your life, don't just look at where different parts of your day need to be focused on, but actively search out those down times. The pauses often make the music, and the rest time in your day makes everything else flow.
Sometimes it's as simple as setting (and sticking to...) start and stop times. It is really easy for work to bleed over onto every waking moment if you let it....or for play to never end. But if you make a point to only work until dinner time, or to play from breakfast to lunch, that helps you create those limits and allow for other things to have their time.
Also, having those boundaries set up means that when something comes along to challenge them, you are more capable at handling it, because you have experience navigating those waters. If you don't work after dinner, but you have a non-negotiable online meeting at 10pm, then you can make and adjustment. Perhaps that day, to compensate for the after dinner work time, you take the afternoon off. Or if your child is having a particularly rough day, struggling with a subject in school time, you may encourage them to take an early break. Perhaps you can have a snack and play a short game together. This breaks the negative thought cycle, gets their mind refreshed and lets emotions settle. Even if they spend a bit longer later on finishing up the lesson, it's less stressful than trying to push through and keep to the schedule.
Having flexibility is integral to finding your personal balance, the harmony of your life that lets all things have their own time and place. It gives you the strength to build healthy boundaries, stick to them when necessary but also to shift them as required. And that is a much stronger 'balance' than trying to shove everything into an 'equal' partition and pushing for that unachievable stillness.
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