New Year, clean slate...

 The new year is just around the corner, and everyone is focused on how this year is going to be 'better' than the last...for a whole lot of reasons.  This is nothing new, and nothing really specific to the year we've had.  We tend to approach every year as if it is going to be 'different', and by different we normally mean "it will be like the past year, without all the bad stuff..."

It is natural to want to build upon what we've already started.  We put in the work, we want to get the results.  We want to think that we can take all that we have done, learn from it, and move forward in a way that filters out the less desirable things...after all we've learned from our mistakes, haven't we?

But one problem with this way of thinking is we are constantly referencing the bad stuff that has happened.  We are repeatedly thinking about what we don't want to happen.  Now whether you practice (or even acknowledge) the many 'law of abundance' ideologies, the fact remains you are putting a lot of your attention on what you don't want, on what you've already done that hasn't worked.

Sometimes, what we really need is just to wipe the slate clean.  To start over.  Toss out everything and begin fresh.  This can be very daunting, and it can sometimes feel like giving up.  But it can also be amazingly freeing.  It can open up doors you never imagined, because you are looking in a new direction.

So how do you do this?  The first step is to literally clear away the old.  You have to make space for the new stuff.  You have to be ready to let go of what isn't working.  This doesn't mean you have to drop everything you are in the middle of.  But spend some time really thinking about what is working...and what isn't.  A lot of the times we know the difference between something that's hard but seeing progress and something that's just us beating our head against the wall...we just don't want to admit that something isn't working.  

One way to do this is to put it on paper.  Whether you are analytical and want to do a pros and cons list, or perhaps laying out a timeline of advances and setbacks, you can literally weigh each side against the other and see where you stand (don't forget to add in the less obvious things, like how your emotional state is or how it's effecting your relationships).  If you lean towards more artistic approaches, you can draw your project out.  This might be as simple as getting out some supplies and putting color and shapes on a page, making a picture of how you feel about the project, or it might be more involved, clipping pictures that represent your progress, adding words and symbols, drawing the connections and roadblocks.  Looking at the resulting art will give you an emotional feedback that will shine a light on things you may not even realize you were feeling.

After examining the things you are in the middle of, you should have a better idea of which ones you want to continue with...and which you want to scrap.  Remember, you can always store a project if you aren't ready to completely toss it.  Physically box everything related to it up (if you have computer files, put them all in one place, make a backup and put it in the box, and then put the digital files somewhere you won't see them easily).  You can always decide to come back to these stored projects later, perhaps with a new perspective and new energy!

Now comes the more difficult part...figuring out what new stuff you want to pursue!  Most often, we struggle with this in one of two ways:  we either feel like we have too many choices...or we feel like we have none.  

I tend to fall into the first category.  There are a million things I want to work on, things I am interested in and want to pursue...way more than I will ever have time to actually follow up on.  And this overabundance of options often leads to indecision and paralysis.  I can't block out the other appealing options, so I end up dithering about and not actually working on any one thing (or I keep swapping about, and adding new stuff, and eventually I am trying to juggle so many things none of them really get any attention).  

The key here is to sort out what level of interest you have in the various things.  There are lots of things that fall into the 'mildly curious' category for me.  I find them interesting, but it's an idle, intellectual interest.  I don't actually think I'll ever become a professional blacksmith, for example, but I am still fascinated by the art of blacksmithing, and every once in a while I'll find myself following that rabbit hole of information.  Strangely, these idle pursuits tend to hijack my brain more than things that I think would actually be a big part of my life.

When I sit down and just ask myself "do I really want to know about this thing," I get deceptive answers, because yes, I do actually want to know about all the things.  The more relevant question to ask is, "which of these two things do I feel want to have a bigger role in my life."  Keep it to two things at a time, and just keep comparing until you end up with one thing that you want to work on right now.  You can keep the rest in a list of stuff to look into at a later date, but if you allow yourself to focus on more than one thing...you won't actually focus on anything.

If, on the other hand, you find yourself on the side of not feeling drawn to anything in particular, it is time to go fishing.  When you go fishing, you might bait your hook trying to draw in a particular type of fish...but you really have no clue what's under the water.  You toss your line in, and wait to see what bites.  When you don't feel like you know what you want to do...cast a line!  Ask your friends what kinds of stuff they like doing.  Scroll through Instagram or Pinterest (or just Google random things...).  Start a list of anything that seems remotely interesting.  

Sometimes you will find yourself being drawn back to the same types of things, over and over, and it's obvious to you what you want to work on.  Other times you will end up with a list of stuff you might be interested in, but you're still not sure.  You can work through this list the same way as you would if you had a ton of things you were interested in....still asking what you would most want to add to your life.  Don't worry if you don't feel super attached to it from the start.  Often, as you start learning about something, you can tell if it is going to be a short term thing (where you learn enough to know it's not really for you), or if it starts to grow on you (becoming something you really want to devote yourself to).

The great thing about starting something new is you don't have to make it a huge commitment!  You can decide you want to work on something for a month...that's about long enough to know whether it's a good fit for you.  If it's not, well you crossed something off your list, and now you can try a different thing.  If it is, then you can decide how you want to further your studies and work with the topic.

Remember, just because you take something up, doesn't mean you can't put it back down again.  It doesn't matter how long you've worked, or how far you've gone....if something's not working for you, stop doing it!  Clean your slate, take some time to sort out what you'd rather be doing...and start fresh.

Finding light in the darkness

 Dark and light are entwined, both part of the same cycle, both different sides of the same coin.  We think of them as opposing forces, but they are nothing without the other.  And yet, when we are enveloped by one, it can be hard to perceive the other.

For many people, we are in a time of great darkness.  This year has be so hard on so many people, and that is just the topper!  Everything we have gone through this year is lumped on top of all the regular junk that we are trying to deal with.  And then the actual year has gone through it's darkness, so we are faced with the literal fading of the light.  It's layers upon layer upon layers of dark, so finding the light is like trying to see a candle burning in another room....with the door closed, your eyes shut and while wearing a blindfold.

Sometimes, when we are in the deepest darkness, the tiniest spark can be blinding.  And other times that same spark can be swallowed up by the dark to where we question if we saw anything at all.  Neither way is right or better than the other, and we may find that some things hit us one way while others hit us the other.  When you realize which way the light is hitting you, that is when you can adjust and embrace what is there!

Often, the way that we see the light is the opposite of what we feel like we need.  When the dark is pushing in on us and swallowing any light we may have found, we feel compelled to try to make that light shine brighter.  That is when we run around the house, turning on all the lights, lighting all the candles, making noise and being loud about how we aren't afraid or aren't sad or aren't being effected by the darkness at all.

And then when the smallest light seems too bright, we want to dim it even further.  We don't want the light to go out, but we wrap ourselves in the shadows it creates.  We find solace in that very darkness that threatened to consume us.  These are the times we have to go through something to come out the other side.  We need to open to the darkness, to allow it to run it's course, while keeping our eyes on that spark of light, just the barest brightness is all we need to sustain us.

But what do you do when you feel like you can't find the light at all?  Sometimes, when the whole world feels dark, we turn inward and we stoke up our own fires.  We become the light burning in the darkness and we shine our light so the world can see.  Just knowing that we might be someone else's light is what keeps us going, it's the fuel we throw on our fire and it's the guard against the cold wind that blows.

Then other times, we know our coals are completely burnt out.  And we have to reach out, to find someone else's light to bask in for a while.  There is a phenomenon where if you blow out a candle, then hold a lit match near it...but not touching it...the candle will catch fire again.  Sometimes, that is all we need, a little jump start so we can get burning again.  But other times, we need to rest, like wood that is wet, it doesn't burn well (if it will light at all), but if you lay it beside a fire, eventually it dries out and then it can be lit.

No matter where you are, be kind with yourself.  Dark times ebb and flow, and we all go through stuff.  Not only that, but we all have different levels of comfort.  For some, the desire is to live in the bright light, while others prefer to hug the edge of the shadows, and then there are those who are most comfortable hidden in the dark and watching the light from afar.  

 

And wherever you are comfortable, you may find yourself forced into another level...for a moment or for much, much longer.  It's okay if you need to borrow light from other people as you strive to cultivate your own.  

Whether you are searching for a spark, a candle or a bonfire, no matter how dark the night feels or how long it has been, the light is there.  Seek out the light you need, and sit with it.  Find the balance of light and dark that works best for you, and tend it whenever you can.  You will find the more you work with this interplay of light and dark, the more accustomed you will become to the levels that you thrive in, and the easier it is to return to them when the light shifts.

Winter Deities

 When considering the world from a pantheistic view, it seems natural that there would be deities that are strongly associated with particular seasons.  We honor deities for a huge variety of natural phenomenon, as well as the many and varied aspects of human interaction and experience.  To put it plainly....if a thing exists, there is probably at least one deity associated with it.

Winter deities fill a bit of a unique role.  When we talk of other seasonal deities, often they are deities of other things that are simply associated with a particular season.  Fertility deities become deities of spring, deities of play become deities of summer, and deities of harvest become deities of fall.  But many of these deities are also associated with multiple seasons, or the seasonal connection is a secondary one. 

When we talk about winter deities, these are often deities that have a singular focus.  They are the deity of snow or ice or winter nights.  They aren't ones we tend to work with year-round, and instead find their way into our practice only when the days grow short and the winter winds blow.

There is nothing wrong with working with seasonal deities, in fact in a lot of ways it makes sense that some deities will be more present at specific times during the year.  In some ways it reminds me of breaking out the holiday decorations.  The act of decorating can feel like work, and taking the time to honor a winter deity may feel strange or foreign at first (because we aren't as familiar with them as we are with more year-round deities we might work with).  But once you get the decorations hung, they make you smile when you see them.  Likewise, knowing that you will mostly be working with a particular deity 'only' in the winter, makes that time special, like having a beloved family member come for a visit...you want to make the most of it and enjoy them while they are present.

I feel like winter deities aren't as widely worked with because so many of the things we associate with winter aren't the most open of things.  Cold, inner work, solitude, quiet, storms, death...the list goes on, and isn't as inviting as many of the qualities that we associate with other seasons.  And yet, there are other, somewhat hidden qualities that go hand in hand with many of these qualities:  peace, tranquility, stillness, beauty, rest.  

Now, I am a good bit of an introvert, so winter qualities draw me in.  For me, working with winter deities feels a bit like spending time with another friend who is an introvert.  You might be in the same room, but you're each doing your own thing...and it's still nice to have them there.  You might not speak for weeks, but then you think of something to share with them, and you have a furious conversation about that one thing.  

But not all winter associations are solitary ones!  We also think of gathering together in the winter, of spending times with family and friends, of huddling together in the dark and cold to share what we have.  These may not be things we do out of necessity anymore, but there is still that connection to years past, where we gathered around the fire, sharing our hope for the future and hiding from the fears that knocked on our door.

Whether you love the cold and quiet or prefer to find company around a warm fire, winter brings a different energy from the rest of the year.  Finding ways to honor that energy, to work with winter deities and learn how you can best embrace this season will bring different benefits from those you get during the rest of the year.  Winter may stand on it's own, but that doesn't mean we should ignore it.  Open your heart, and see what the winter winds will bring to your life this year!

Differing Deity Interactions

 A very common practice, among Pagans, is to work with multiple different deities.  Whether we are working within a set pantheon or working with deities from several, we end up trying to manage a handful (or more!) relationships with different divinities.  And this can bring up a whole host of questions.

Whether you are wondering how to set up an altar honoring more than one deity (or if you even should...), how to split your worship time, or if the deities you work with less frequently feel somehow slighted, there are a lot of factors to consider.

I think that we often have holdover preconceived notions of what 'worship' means...and what we do doesn't always fit within the bounds of that word anyways!  When we hear the word worship, we think of a form of adoration, of loving something 'more' than all the other things.  This way of understanding worship can lead to a host of problems, especially when you wish to work with multiple deities.

Though I tend to personally use the phrase "work with," my personal definition of worship falls more in the "want to honor and develop a relationship with," category.  I don't think of my deities as 'better than' me (whatever that might mean), simply different.  I view working with them as building up a relationship, and the quality of the relationship depends on what both sides put into it.

I also think of the different relationships I have with different deities kind of like I see the relationships I have with different people.  I have a TON of different interactions with people, and depending on what category I put people in, that changes how I expect the relationship to go...and what I am willing to put into it or what I think I should be getting out of it.

Many Pagans have a primary (or patron) deity.  This can often be thought of as your partner, the one person you chose to have the closest relationship to.  They are your go-to deity, the one that you turn to most often, and the one you work with on the deepest levels.  They also are often the one who requires the most work or pushes you the hardest.  And yes, to continue with this metaphor, some people are polyamorous in their deity practice, and have multiple 'primary' deities that they devote themselves to.

After that comes the close friend level.  These are the 'friends who are family' people in your life, the ones who you would do just about anything for, and the ones you can trust to celebrate your wins (without being jealous of you), and who are there for you when you are struggling (to lend a hand, an ear or a shoulder).  These are the deities whom you work with multiple times throughout the year.  They are ones you have made sacred space for, and you don't just work with them when you need something.  You are comfortable with them, you don't have to hit the books and look up what they like and don't like or what things they might be able to best help you with.

Now here's where it starts to get a bit more muddy.  There are deities we might work with for very specific purposes.  Perhaps a healing deity that you prefer, but you (or those you care about) don't have any regular health issues, so it's a deity you only call on when something goes wrong (when someone falls ill or gets injured).  Or maybe you want to call on a deity for help in finding a new job, and none of your regular deities quite fit.  Think of these as situational friends, the ones you get along well with, but don't really hang with regularly.  It might be a work buddy that you love joking with, but never call outside of the job, or it might be a parent of one of the other kids on your kid's sports team, someone who you see at practices and games and you cheer your kids on together, but you don't invite them to your house for dinner.

Now, many people find themselves drawn to a particular pantheon, and many of the deities of that pantheon will fall into the 'close friend' category for them.  But even deities they don't work with regularly hold a special place in their practice, simply by being part of their preferred pantheon.  I think of these as distant relatives.  Not your favorite uncle who takes you fishing, but that Aunt that comes to all the family gatherings and pinches your cheek, gives you a piece of candy...and gets your name slightly wrong or can never remember how old you actually are.  They are family, and you love them because of that...but you may not spend much time with them.

A sort of strange category that some Pagans might find themselves working with are the 'friend of a friend' deities.  Having quite a few Pagan friends, and a very eclectic local group, I often find myself participating in rituals that call on or honor a specific deity that I might not have worked with before.  This happens regularly when someone else is leading the ritual and they dedicate it to one of their deities.  It's very much like when you are at a party and your buddy introduces you to their old college roommate.  You don't know the person, but you make polite conversation regardless.  Now, sometimes this can lead to becoming actual friends with them (and the deity becoming one who you get to know and work more with on your own), but often once the night (ritual) is over, you say your goodbyes and know that the only time you will ever see them is if your friend invites them to another party.  

And finally there is the 'stranger on the street'.  This is the rest of the deities that you might encounter out in the wild so to speak.  So any deity you read about in a book, someone tells you about, you see a picture of or what not.  You don't really work with them, but you know of their existence, and you might nod and smile if you pass them on the street.  Maybe you have a dream where they send you a message, but you don't feel any call to work with them.

So what do all these different types of deities mean then?  I find it helpful to think of them this way because it translates well in my brain to levels of interaction.  The closer a relationship is (whether it is to a person or a deity), the more time and effort you are willing to put into it...and the more you get out of it.  I spend way more time interacting with my husband than I do with some of my online friends.  And my husband does more for me than they do.  I still like my online friends, and I still want to send them uplifting messages when they are having a bad day, but I am unlikely to buy them an expensive gift 'just because'.

Now, the thing to remember is that this goes both ways.  I can't ignore a person and then expect them to do me a huge favor out of the goodness of their heart.  The less of a relationship you have built, the more you will be expected to 'pay upfront' for stuff.  I can ask a good friend to stop by the store and pick me up a few things and drop them by the house, but if I ask a stranger on the street I can expect them to ask for money upfront!  The same works with deities.  The closer the relationship, the more likely they are to do stuff for you when you need, without expecting a big 'payout' first, and the less you have worked with them the more they may require a full ritual and offerings in order to lend a hand.

Ultimately, relationships are what you put into them, and if you work with multiple deities is it highly probably that you will have different levels of interactions with individual deities.  Each of us has our own thresholds for how much interaction we crave and can handle.  Some people might prefer to keep their circle small, working with a primary deity and a small handful of others, while other people might feel comfortable working with a whole lot more.  You may find that deities will shift in their roles in your life, and a relationship might grow closer or more distant at different times.  And if you feel overwhelmed with the work required to maintain your relationships, it might be time to evaluate which ones you can take a step back from.  Remember, relationships are fluid and ever-changing, so adjustment is not only desirable, it is necessary!

Distance gifting

 For many people, keeping socially distant at the holidays is going to be a big challenge.  We love gathering with friends and family, exchanging gifts, sharing a meal and just being in each other's company. This year may bring very different holidays, but that doesn't mean that they need to be un-cheery!  There are lots of ways to connect deeply, while still staying safe.

Of course, shipping gifts isn't anything new.  A lot of people move away from home when they grow up, and distant relatives may not be able to make every holiday gathering.  Today, we even have the option with many online stores of having gifts not only wrapped but also shipped directly to the person who is to receive them, which can save us some money on shipping, and helps reduce the chance of gifts arriving late (one shipping is better than two!)

If you are like me, and part of your joy is seeing people react to opening your gifts, you might do a distanced gift exchange.  If you wrap your gifts ahead of time, they can be exchanged safely (if you want to be extra careful you can wrap them, then put them in a second bag, then even the wrapping will be safe).  Or, if have sent your gift through the mail, you can schedule a video call and open gifts in front of the camera.  If you are gifting children, an adult can film their reactions to send to people who sent gifts!

 

I am also always a big fan of home made gifts.  I love making things for people, whether it is something useful or more decorative.  I love receiving things that my friends have made, it feels like a little piece of them!  There are lots of options for making stuff, even baking some treats to drop by (great for people who may not have a lot of room to store things).

 

There are also many non-physical things you can gift people with!  If you have Pagan or spiritually open friends, you might want to gift them with a divination reading.  This is another thing that is great to do over a video call, but you can also take a picture of the cards and send them your interpretation.  Spellwork is also an option, you might do a blessing, or consult with them on what type of spell they might like you to cast on their behalf.  

Gift cards or the like can make great gifts as well, especially if you know someone may be struggling.  I have seen several suggestions for sending help with bills as opposed to some little trinket that might just sit on a shelf collecting dust.  It can be very awkward for someone to ask for help if they need it, but noticing that they are struggling and sending a thoughtfully worded gift, can make a big difference.

You can even 'gift' an experience, maybe renting a digital movie for someone (and yourself) and planning a time where you can watch it together.  You can message while you watch it, to share your delight about the good parts or cry over the sad bits.  Even though you aren't physically together, having someone to chat with a movie you just watched makes it much more fun!

 

Another idea I love is gifting someone a copy of a book you adore.  You can add personal thoughts and notes in the margins (or on sticky notes, if you think they would be really bothered by writing in the book).  It can be fun to read books together, so you might agree on reading a chapter a week (or month), and then picking a time to talk about what you liked or didn't like, or different topics that were brought up in what you read.

If you have been stuck in your home with family, you may think about things you can do for the people you are living with, as a gift.  Maybe doing chores for them, or taking over child-minding (or teaching!) duties for a bit to give them a break.  Think about what they may be struggling with or feeling overwhelmed by and try to figure out a way to work around that.  

Doing things together is often a great gift, and can turn mundane tasks into fun experiences.  Planning a new dish to cook, and then cooking it together (maybe topping it off with a movie after you eat..) can make for a great evening.  If you have kids at home, maybe turn that afternoon's math lesson into a cooking lesson and have them help you figure out how to double (or half) a recipe.  Just remember, if your gift is making someone something in the kitchen....cleaning up after yourself should be part of the gift too!

Even though the holidays may look different this year, doesn't mean you can't create amazing memories and have a wonderful (and safe) holiday season!  Look for ways to make your gift giving special, whether that means thinking outside the traditional gift box or discovering new ways to exchange traditional gifts.  Remember, gift giving is not about the stuff, it's about showing you care about the other person...and caring knows no distance!