Pranks shouldn't cause trauma

 

With April Fool's day around the corner, we once again are facing a day where people feel it's appropriate to play all manner of pranks.  But, with the immense popularity of several prank shows (whether they are tv shows or some other form of internet entertainment like YouTube videos or TicToks), the rise of problematic pranks is something I think we need to talk about.

I also feel that this is something that people who work with trickster deities can fall prey to.  Trickster deities often have myths that involve highly problematic pranks.  However, they are deities, and trickster deities especially aren't always aligned with good intentions.  As human beings, even if we work with a trickster deity, we shouldn't have our intention to cause harm to the people pranked...and we definitely don't have the power to back up our pranks (as most trickster deities can just poof after their trick is done).

 

And if you look at a lot of trickster stories, they almost always prank people in power or people who are acting in a way that society doesn't approve of.  Tricksters in story fill the role of teacher, their pranks almost always include a lesson.  They also normally involve a way for the person to avoid the prank (typically by doing what is considered the 'right' or appropriate thing)...it is only because they refuse to give up on their questionable behavior that they suffer from the prank.

Now, it's nothing new to call out problematic pranks.  There are certain pranks that have been flagged as problematic by a lot of people, and around this time I always see reminders on social media to avoid these kind of pranks.  Fake pregnancy is one of the ones that comes up a lot.  Not only is it not cool to prank your partner like this (unless you very much know their sense of humor...I could prank hubby with it, but I am also not able to get pregnant anymore, so it would be an obvious prank), but when you do it publicly, it makes light of many people's very personal struggle with infertility, miscarriage or even unplanned pregnancies.

And the most common response you will hear, in cases like this, is that people need to 'get a sense of humor', and yet it is a joke about something that can be highly traumatic to many people.  Triggering trauma isn't funny and telling people that they should find it funny because you say so is trivializing their experiences and perspective...it's just not cool.

I've also seen a rise of fake injury/sickness pranks, where someone will pretend to be hurt or sick (maybe they fake fainting or something like that), often done where their loved ones will find them.  And these kind of pranks aren't new, we've had shock value pranks that are similar for ages (think about old comedians who would manipulate a ketchup packet to fake stab themselves and squirt 'blood' everywhere).  But almost always, those were someone on stage (so not personal) and the joke was immediately revealed (so the prank was just for the shock value).

But now, people are drawing those pranks out, to the point where they might keep the ruse going for minutes on end, while their frantic partner is trying to help them, or maybe even calling an ambulance.  This is really taking it too far.  Because you are causing actual fear and worry in your partner, and this can be super traumatizing.

And one of the worst, in my opinion, are pranks where actual harm is done to another person.  Think 'pranks' where someone is kicked in their privates or smacked in the face with a door.  I feel like this kind of prank was made very popular due to prank shows, and what people sometimes forget is that the people in those shows (mostly...I think...honestly I don't watch them) agree to be in them.  They know they are entering into prank wars, and they (on some level) accept the risk.

However, when people take this style of prank out of that situation (where you agree to participate), and just start pranking random people in their life...it becomes highly problematic.  And again, they throw out the 'it's only a joke, get a sense of humor' response...while actually causing pain to other people.  Not acceptable, not at all.

Finally, some people absolutely refuse to stop pranking...because they think it's funny.  They think that other people should also find it funny and they refuse to listen when the people they prank ask/tell/beg them to stop.  If someone asks you not to prank them and you do it anyways...you are just being a dick.

 

Here's the thing.  The minute you stop considering how the pranked party (or observers) feel about your prank, is the minute you start doing things that aren't acceptable.  A joke or prank should be enjoyable for everyone involved, full stop.  

 

If you are pranking someone, and they aren't enjoying it, you are a bully.  If someone asks you to stop doing something, and you refuse (because you think it's funny), you are a bully.  If you know something will trigger, disturb or otherwise mentally traumatize someone, and you do it anyways as a prank...you are an abuser.

I'm all for jokes and pranks, and there are TONS of ways to prank your friends and loved ones where everyone can have a good laugh.  And if you know someone who doesn't share your sense of humor (maybe you feel they don't have one...some people are very serious!), find someone else to prank!  And don't use your deity (even a trickster deity) as an excuse to be horrible to other people. 

Creating for your soul

One of the things I associate with Ostara is crafting or creating.  And I think this is something that we, as humans, have an innate need to do.  It is also something that we are often told is frivolous or not important.  Or worse, that you should only create things that are 'good' (and by good most people mean 'will bring you profit and fame').  

First, I think we need to talk a bit about what creating means.  Originally, I had the focus on crafting, but it's so much more than that, just like creating is so much more than just art.  Creating can be those things, because of course crafting and doing art is a form of creation, but so is sanding wood or drawing up a design (which you might not make...the act of design is your creation!) or cooking dinner.  

 

Creating is simply turning an idea into something tangible, making it something that can be shared in some way.  It speaks to the part of us that needs to leave some kind of mark in the world, to feel like we were here and we made a difference.  Sometimes it doesn't matter if any one knows about what you have created, or that you created it, it's the making of the thing that is important.

Along the same lines, creation isn't necessarily about making something useful or even 'good'.  It can be fun to just play with creation, tossing paint on a page or stacking rocks until they tumble and fall.  It can be building a sandcastle and watching the ocean wash it away or drawing little doodles on a card you are giving to a friend.  

I think modern life has pulled us away from a lot of the crafting we used to do.  Many people don't cook regularly or have creative hobbies (maybe they were discouraged from pursuing them as an adult or maybe they simply don't feel like they have time), and for the most part we don't make our own clothes or household products...a lot of things that our ancestors would have crafted themselves (or they might have crafted one thing very well and then traded that for other things crafted by other people).

Creating like this lets us play with imagination.  There is something truly magical about having an idea in your head and turning it into something.  It's especially fun when you can share what you have created with other people and hearing that positive feedback.  Honestly, it's one reason why I always try to react or comment when someone shares something they have made online....especially if it's maybe not perfect or if they are feeling subconscious about sharing it.  

For me, creating something is always emotional.  In that I tap into my feelings and part of my intention is for people to feel something when they see/experience my creation.  This is true for my writing, but also for things I make as gifts (where at the very least I want people who receive them to feel loved).  I always think of the way little children present their art to people.  "Here is this thing, I made it and therefore it's special, but I want you to have it because I think you are special too!"

Making something always makes me feel more energized.  It's sort of addicting...when I make something, I often want to make more stuff.  And when I haven't made anything in a while, I definitely feel more unenthusiastic...about everything.  My mood is very much dependent on creating stuff, and I think more people are like that than might be aware of it.

And especially if you feel like you don't have time to create stuff, I challenge you to find little ways to create.  Doodle in your planner, fold that receipt into a bird, make up a silly song and sign it to your pet (or your empty house!), write a poem (make it a haiku if you want to keep it short!), but there is always something you can do to add a bit of creation into your life.  And I bet that you will feel better after you create something, especially if you can let go of any expectations about what you are creating.

And that's the real beauty of creation, in my book at least...that it's not about the end result, it's about the process.  And the process of creating is often equal parts wonder and discovery, trial and error, and adjusting when things don't work out the way you initially envisioned.  And all of these things are tools we can apply to other parts of our life!

If you aren't sure how to get started, there are a million resources online!  Think about something that you maybe have always wanted to try or that you think looks fun.  Then see if you can find a tutorial online...or if you prefer a social route, see if you can take a class on it.  Whether you are more comfortable learning with a group or on your own, there are so many ways to start new projects, and so many ways to get help when we get stuck in our creations.

And maybe you can try something new (or pick up an old favorite), as part of your Ostara celebrations, or simply as a way to shake up that stagnant energy after the slowness of winter.  Just remember, there is no wrong way to create, and there is no benchmark for 'good'....it's all about enjoying the process and giving a form to your own imagination!

The power of superstition

Superstitions are a broad category of beliefs that link different things with qualities, often luck or protection.  In a way, believing in a superstition is like believing in a correspondence.  Four leaf clovers and horseshoes are lucky, black cats and broken mirrors are not.  Some superstitions are based on actions, such as tossing salt over your shoulder when it spills (to avoid bad luck).

I feel like most superstitions have their roots in history, and often we don't know why things are lucky/unlucky.  Some do make sense, in a way, like walking under a ladder being unlucky (it was definitely dangerous, and so people who were likely to walk under ladders often were probably going to have other bad things befall them because they weren't cautious).  Others are based on outdated thinking (like black cat's being unlucky).

Now many people write off superstitions as nothing but old folk tales, and they may be right.  However, if you think about them as a power you can tap into, something along the lines of the law of attraction, then things seem a bit more logical.  If I hang a horseshoe over my door for luck, and every time I see it I think of what has been lucky in my life lately, I am creating a mindset of luck.  On the other side of the spectrum, if I believe that Friday the 13'th is unlucky, then my mind will be looking for examples of bad luck all day, and I will fixate on things that I wouldn't even notice on other days!

This also reminds me a bit of the power of cursing, and the belief that you have to believe in the curse for it to effect you.  While I don't personally think that way about curses, I do think superstitions might fall into this category.  If you believe in them, they will work for you (or against you...), but if you don't, then you probably won't notice any significant changes.

Personally, I'm a fan of superstitions, or at least the good ones.  I don't tend to put much stock in the negative ones, but I love me some good luck charms!  The way I look at it, if I make the choice to acknowledge a superstition, that is one more tool I can use to help me avoid mental traps (like feeling like you are unusually unlucky).

Now, if you were raised believing in superstitions that you no longer feel serve you, it can be hard to break away from that.  I feel like the best way to approach this kind of work is to replace the belief you want to be rid of with a new one.  

 

Let's think about the superstition about black cats being unlucky.  Their dark color associates them with 'evil', but today we know that it is just a fur color, no different from orange or white.  So instead of feeling like seeing a black cat, or having one pass in front of you, imbues you with bad luck, you could twist it and work on creating a new superstition for yourself.  Perhaps something along the lines of, 'offering my hand to pet any black cat I see turns the luck around and makes them lucky!'

Superstitions and omens are quite similar, and that is another shift you can make to take a superstition and treat it like an omen instead.  Omens are more warnings of potential bad stuff on the horizon.  It's like doing divination and seeing trouble ahead.  It isn't saying that those things are absolutely going to happen, but it's giving you a heads up about the issue, so that you can prepare and take appropriate precautions.

 

One of the things I like about many (good) superstitions is that they are easy to do.  They might be something fairly common to find (like wishing stones) or a simple action (like crossing your fingers for luck).  This makes them a very accessible form of folk magic!  And that is how I like to think of them, as a type of magic that we can choose to harness, not like some kind of universal trickery that we need to defend against.

But whether or not superstitions are a part of your belief system, I think they are a nice handy little tool that we can call upon, when we need a little something.  I definitely use superstitions like a little magical security blanket...they are something that I can do when I'm feeling a bit off, just to kind of tip my mind back into a better space.  And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that!

What's in the meaning of a name

 I've talked before about the power of words, but I think it's something that is important enough to talk about again.  Language is an ever-evolving thing, and I think right now we are seeing a huge change in how we approach language (with the topic of pronouns).  

Words are created things, at some point in time, all words were 'made up'.  And it's not like we aren't used to the concept of adding new words to our vocabulary, because slang is a very commonly accepted concept, and while we may view slang to be casual language (not suited for 'official' type settings), we still acknowledge them as words.  

Where things get a bit tricky is when the same word has different meanings to different groups.  We saw this with Wicca, where for a long time Wicca was seen by some as a specific path (British Traditional Wicca or BTW), while many people weren't aware of that meaning and came to know Wicca as the catchall for generic witchy Paganism (what we might now consider Neo-Wicca).  Now, one might definitely argue that BTW is the 'true' meaning of the name, but if you have a whole generation of people who grew up thinking what they did is Wicca (because that is what a lot of 101 books and articles called it), are they really wrong in calling their path Wiccan (since that is what they were taught it was called)?

Now, take that same issue, but add in a few more generations and you start to see how this can be a complicated issue.  I see similar issues with naming when it comes to food.  Think about the divided opinions on what a biscuit is (American versus British).  Both countries have been calling their food a biscuit forever, and both versions are dramatically different.  Neither is wrong, in this case it comes down to context.

To further complicate the issue, sometimes people pervert the meaning of a thing, so it can no longer be used for it's original purpose.  Almost every slur or curse word follows this path.  At some point down the line, a word became a negative name for some marginalized group (or in the case of curse words, a slightly taboo word is shifted from it's original meaning to a general exclamation of frustration or outrage).  The thing is that once a meaning has shifted, it's almost impossible to reclaim the original meaning (and even if you use it in proper context, it's still flavored by the negative slur meaning).

And finally, sometimes names are linked to other names in a way to other people.  There is a long history of associating marginalized people with unsavory mythic creatures (who typically are considered 'evil') as a way for the people in power to demonstrate the negative characteristics of the people they wish to other.  This has come up recently with goblins, both within the Harry Potter world and in Dungeons and Dragons.  

The thing is that, to the best of my knowledge, folklore about goblins existed before the connection to any specific race, and in fact goblin lore is quite varied and what characteristics goblins have differs greatly depending on where in the world you are.  It is only a few specific areas/times that have linked goblins to a particular people, and I honestly had never thought of goblins as 'representing' any particular race...until someone pointed it out.

And it's worth pointing out that these types of negative associations only work if you agree to the racial stereotypes about the people involved!  Sure many fantasy goblins have distinct physical features and some have a love of money....but if you don't stereotype a whole race of (actual) people, then you won't see goblins as a way of representing those people.  

In a similar line, going back to gender names for a minute, I am starting to see more and more people finding alternative language to the typically gendered way we approach things in the witchy realm.  There are SO many things that we needlessly gender.  And I do understand that, for a very long time, gendered thought (especially when it came to personality types) was the standard.  Men were masculine and that meant tough and rough and active and 'good', while women were feminine so they were dainty and passive and 'evil' (yes, most binary systems equate masculine with positive and feminine with negative).

It's one of those things that has been done forever...but that doesn't mean we need to continue it!  Even just taking the gender part out and talking about things in terms of active/passive, nurturing/protecting, external/internal....these allow people to step outside of their stereotype (and trust me if you want me to be a stereotypical 'female'...you are going to be disappointed!).

Words will always have power, but that is a power we can harness....and most importantly it's a power we don't have to fall prey to.  Just because someone wants to use a word in a way that hurts or oppresses other people, doesn't mean we need to buy into that.  And just because a word has meant something 'for a long time' doesn't mean we can't change that meaning.  And multiple groups can use the same word to mean very different things (context is important!).  This is why it is so vital to be open to conversations about what things mean and to not cling to something just because it's what we know.  Language evolves, and so should we.

Taking time for yourself

 I've talked about alone time before, but today I want to talk a bit about doing stuff on your own.  Being an introvert, I am no stranger to going out into the world and having experiences...by myself.  Sometimes I need that quiet time at home, but other times it is good to go out and do things.  We talk about the necessity of alone time, but sometimes that doesn't mean alone in the strict sense of the word, but rather not being with friends, family or acquaintances.

Being an only child, I was pretty used to doing things alone.  And as I grew up, and was able to go more and more places unaccompanied, that didn't change much!  It wasn't uncommon for me to wander off, in public, and yet still be 'alone' (because honestly, strangers sharing the same space still kinda counts as being alone!).

There are a lot of activities we consider to be 'social' ones, where many people feel quite uncomfortable (at least at first!) doing them alone.  Things like going to a sit down restaurant, to see a movie, or to attend an event.  We have been trained to think of these things as group activities, and we may feel awkward attending on our own.

Sometimes this is because we worry about what other people might say about us, specifically that we might be considered strange or unlikable, simply because we don't have company with us.  And yet, people who learn to be comfortable doing things like this on their own often make great friends...because they are whole within themselves.

I also find it fascinating that, if you are an introvert like me, you may find it easier to be truly alone at home, while an extrovert may find being 'alone' in public easier.  No matter which way feels more natural to you, that can be the first step leading you to enjoying time by yourself in more challenging circumstances.

But spending time alone changes the experience!  When we don't have other people around, we are more true to ourselves.  With others, no matter how close we are, we are always modifying our behavior slightly.  In some ways, we reflect those around us, and in other ways we simply show different sides of ourselves.

When we first start spending time alone, we may feel echos of the other people in our lives.  We may still act as if they were around, and it takes time to really relax and be comfortable being 'just you'.  But once you reach that level of comfort, it allows you to experience things in a much more personal level, because it quite literally is all about you!

The other great thing about spending time in public alone is that you can do things at your own pace and in your own way.  With others, there is always some level of compromise.  We each like things to a different degree, and so we naturally give and take where we need to.  With no one else around, you can do things exactly as you like them!

I think taking a trip, whether is it something local but a bit out of your regular romps, or a proper vacation to another place entirely, on your own is a remarkable thing.  Especially if you are able to take a good chunk of time (anywhere from a few hours to days or even weeks!), the experience will teach you things about yourself that you really can't learn with others!

I think we should all have the opportunity to know what we are capable of...alone.  In our normal lives, we may have become used to other people doing certain things for us.  While we may know that we could do those things on our own, we might not be aware of our own strengths in those areas.  I know that I can handle a lot, on my own, but when with others I often prefer not to do certain things.  

And pushing myself to be on my own and to do the things that I'm uncomfortable with, reminds me of just how capable I am.  It helps me to develop in areas that I normally shy away from, and by working on these things alone, I am less self-conscious about any mishaps that might occur.  It often feels safer to try by myself than with other people watching.

But those experiences carry back to my everyday life!  When I am faced with things that make me uncomfortable, I can draw upon those memories of doing them on my own, and it makes it a bit easier.  I can make my mistakes in solitude and that makes it easier for me to move past them and find growth.

I also feel like those moments when we experience something amazing on our own are their own kind of secret.  We have so many memories that revolve around the people in our lives, that curating memories that only involve us becomes something truly magical.  

So whether you are naturally comfortable on your own or if you need to ease into it, making time to not only be alone in your own space, but also out in the world, is truly valuable.  It helps you become a more complete individual, helps you develop your strengths and navigate your weaknesses.  And it creates memories that are unique to you!