Balancing change and routine

 

Most people rely upon routines to help them navigate the world.  We may not recognize all of our routines, but they surround us.  If you start paying attention, you will find that there are probably a ton of things that you do, the same way, at the same time, every day (or on specific days).  But you may also notice that sometimes your routines start to feel stale and stifling, and if you change things up, the same activities may feel fresh and new.  I feel like most people benefit from a balance of change and routine, but figuring out how much change you need in your routine may take some work.

Now, I'm someone who absolutely needs a fair level of routine.  If I don't build my life in routines, then nothing gets done.  Or things only get done when I finally notice they haven't been done in a while, and I probably can't remember the last time they were actually done (if I didn't make a routine out of them).  But I also feel the rub on my routines, and they can feel stifling and heavy, and sometimes make things that I know benefit me feel rote and meaningless.

 

Here's the thing though...some routines can stay the same for our entire lives, because they are almost basic.  Brushing my teeth is a routine that I've had since childhood, and as far as I can recall, it's been the same basic routine.  When I'm done with the day, and getting ready for bed, I'll go brush my teeth.  I go through the same steps (putting toothpaste on my brush, brushing, rinsing, mouthwash).  Unless something happens that makes me have to change, I do this the same way, every day, because it just makes sense.  Yes, it's boring and rote, but that's okay, because with something like brushing, the important part is doing the thing, not the experience of doing (aka it's important my teeth get brushed, not that I have a fun time brushing).  

 

Other routines can bring diminishing returns if we build our routine too strong.  A big routine for me is my 'morning routine', which for me means the stuff I do all the time in the morning, and it's spiritual and physical stuff that helps me get going.  But it definitely is something that suffers if I do the exact same thing every day....especially for the spiritual stuff!  If I say the same affirmations every day, eventually they start to loose meaning.  It's like the words are just said, and they no longer have any punch.

 

A really easy way to freshen up your routines is to think of them in broad terms, instead of specific.  If I were to describe my morning routine in broad strokes it would be:  greet the day, general stretching, breathing, affirmations, meditation, deep stretching.  Each of those categories can hold a lot of different variation.  So when one part is feeling a bit tedious, I can swap it up and maybe use new affirmations or a different type of meditation.

 

But the benefit, for me, of having a morning routine is it bundles all that stuff together, into a format that encourages me to do all of it...as opposed to having to remember to do each thing on it's own.  Routines are a type of habit, and habits, once you make them, are much harder to break due to momentum.  We tend to keep doing the stuff we are used to doing, and building a routine is a way to capitalize on this.

 

Sometimes all you need to change up your routine is a cosmetic change.  When I say my affirmations for the day, I visualize something tied to each one.  Right now I'm using the visualization of clothing (so as I say the affirmation, I visualize putting on a specific article of clothes), but before I've used potions (so each affirmation would be said as I thought of the look and taste of the potion, then I would visualize drinking it).  Or I might keep the same type of visualization, but change up the wording of the affirmation.  

 

Other times, you need to change something more drastic.  I used to do my morning meditation with an app and a heated eye mask.  But after doing it for several months, I found that I was starting to resent the time and effort it took.  It felt like getting set up to meditate just frustrated me and while I was meditating I was just trying not to think about how long it would be until it was over.  It was becoming counterproductive, so I stopped using the app and mask and just went back to sitting on my own.  While there was plenty of variety in the app (it had new, daily meditations, so that part was nice), it just wasn't working for me, so I had to change it.

 

You might also find that you may need to add or remove things from your routine.  This is fine!  Even though routines are 'regular' things, we can adapt them as we need.  I have changed my morning routine SO many times over the years.  Sometimes I'll learn about something new and just need to add it (my most recent addition was adding deeper stretching, because the general stretching just wasn't enough for my body), while other times I'll just need a break from a practice, so I'll remove it from my routine (I used to do regular cord cutting and energy retrieval, but as I don't really go out much anymore, I don't feel I need this in my daily routine anymore).

The great thing is that our routines aren't actually carved in stone (even though they can sometimes feel like it).  We can add or remove things whenever we want.  It may take us a little while to consistently remember the changes we have made, but it is significantly easier to change a routine than to start a new one from scratch.  And we can absolutely undo changes we have made, if we try them out and find they don't work for us.  The whole point of a routine is to make things easier for yourself, so if it's not working...adjust it!

I feel like people often think about routines as being absolutes.  Either you do something the same way always or you don't (as in you never do things the same way), but there is a whole lot of grey area in the middle.  You can embrace change within your routines, you can have several variations of the same routine, and you can adjust your routine whenever you feel the need to.  So don't be afraid to customize your routines!

Helping troubled souls rest

 

Memorial day is a day to remember and honor those lost to wars, but as Pagans I feel there is an opportunity to care for these spirits after they are gone.  Not just to remember them, but to help them find their peace.  

 

War is a horrible thing, and of course fighting in them is traumatic.  Firstly, not everyone who fought...or died...in wars were volunteers, so there is room for a lot of conflicting emotions on the part of the soldiers.  And even if someone believed in the cause the war was fought on behalf of, the atrocities they saw and the actions they took might leave someone split and conflicted about their role in the war.

Now, there are a lot of perspectives on what happens to us after death.  Many people believe there are places we go, based on what we believe and our actions in life.  But many people also believe that the dead can be trapped, or lost, and never reach what should have been their final destination.  These are the people I am talking about in this post...souls who may be stuck, shackled by their actions or the traumatic nature of their death, unable to take their final rest in the manner that they should.

The good thing is that, if you believe that such souls exist, you also have a way to reach out to them and help them move on.  As every one of us is an individual, this will mean that the way in which you approach this task will be highly individual (not only for you, as the practitioner, but also for the person you are trying to help...different methods may be required in order to help different people).

 

I feel like the first step should always be some kind of divination...finding out who the person is that you are reaching out to.  You may have family members who have died in wars, and this might be a good place to start.  I don't feel like every person who dies in a war gets stuck like this, so the first step would be to determine if this particular person is...and divination is a great way to approach this.  You could also do some research on people who died in the war and work with others, who may not be directly related to you.

 

Of course you could also take a different approach and start with divination to find a soul who needs help.  In this case, the divination is less focused on whether or not they need help and instead focused on finding out who they were and what happened to them.  This information will form the basis of the work that you can do to help them move on.

 

 Now, not every lost soul will have the same level of coherence.  Some spirits will be able to communicate very clearly, will have a good grasp on who they were in life, what has happened to them, and even might be aware of the state of the world today.  Others might have lost a lot of themselves, and this process may be more about trying to help them remember who they were, and accept the fact that they are dead.

 

Once you have a decent idea of who you are working with and what their state is, you can start to figure out how to help them. Again, every spirit will be different, so one might only need to be reassured that their part in the war is over and that their job is done and they can move on.  Others may need to be updated on their family, or they may want to know how their actions (and the war they were in) influenced the world.

One thing to remember here is that our role isn't to judge, condemn or pardon these spirits.  We aren't evaluating how righteous or corrupt they are and sending them to where we think they belong.  We are simply trying to figure out what is holding them here, and helping them to let go of any lingering concerns and issues so they can go where they need to go.

While doing this work, it is also important to make sure you are keeping your protections up.  Especially when working with spirits who maybe don't align with our own moral compass, we don't want to risk that soul becoming fixated on us and hanging around when we don't want them to.  Keeping strong protections is always a good idea, when working with any spirit, and especially spirits that may wish to create hardship or chaos in our lives.

It won't always be possible to help every spirit, but we can reach out and do what we are able to.  We can be a light to the lost souls who are stuck and confused and afraid.  We can help diffuse the anger and hatred that lingers with some of them and encourage them to release their hold on whatever is keeping them tethered.  And helping these lost souls can also help us (and other people alive today) to release our own anger and resentment towards the actions of our ancestors and those who came before. 

Spells: fire and forget versus ongoing

 

 There are two major approaches that one can take when casting a spell:  fire and forget versus ongoing.  With fire and forget, you do the spell, and then you walk away, and you let the spell work without further influence (and often thought) from you.  With an ongoing spell, you keep coming back to it, feeding it your attention and energy.  Both styles have strengths and weaknesses, and you can use both at different times and for different purposes.

Many people have a preferred method for casting their spells, and I feel like this is often dependent on how you learned to cast.  You may have seen mostly ongoing spells described in books, things that spread the spellwork out over days (or more!), and you might love the way that you can devote more time to a working, but don't have to do it all at once.  Or, maybe you like being able to build up a lot of energy, pour it into something, and then walk away, trusting that your will be done.

 

Let's talk about ongoing magic for a bit.  With this type of magic, timing is often important, and you may need to do different things at different points in time.  This may mean spreading out your spellwork over the course of a full moon cycle, doing different actions at different phases.  It might mean preparing a candle, and then lighting it for a specified time every day for a week.  It might mean creating the initial spell, and then returning to it every month to recharge it.

 

The biggest benefit of an ongoing spell is that it is spread out over time.  This allows you to build up to bigger energy without having to handle it all at once.  It maintains a more constant flow of energy, and gives you the opportunity to adjust as you go (if you feel things aren't moving in the way you want them to). 

The biggest downside is that these types of spells need the continued attention.  You have to devote yourself to the same working over many days, and if you miss a day you may feel like you need to start over or at least make up time.  It's a commitment to the spell work, and if you can't meet that commitment you may feel like you can't do this type of work.

On the other hand, fire and forget spells can feel more spontaneous.  You can gather up your stuff, and do the thing, and then you move on.  No big buildup, no need to continue to dedicate time to it, just one and done.  This can be especially appealing to people who may not know if they can maintain an ongoing spell, or who's life just doesn't work well with that level of regular practice.

But fire and forget spells can require more upfront energy (because you are doing it all in one go instead of spreading it out), and it may be hard for you to forget the work (some people feel like continued thought on the spell muddies it, as you may start unintentionally become unfocused in your intentions).  Also, many people just don't like the idea of deliberately forgetting their spell work, and not being able to check in and see how your work is progressing can feel frustrating.

For me personally, I think they both fulfill different roles in my practice.  I like ongoing spells for things like protection, stuff that is, by it's nature, ongoing.  I find that being able to set up the spell and then just boost it from time to time works very well.  I tend to go for fire and forget for more temporary things, like finding a job, where you may want to do it again in the future, but it will be a separate working. 

I also factor in that, for my brain, fire and forget is a natural thing.  It's much harder for me to remember to refresh (or come back to) ongoing spells, especially if there are large time gaps.  Plus, I find it daunting to have too many ongoing things at the same time, it feels like I have to juggle and remember too much, like I am spread too thin.

Whether you are just starting out or have walked this path for many years already, it's always good to try different ways.  If you normally work with fire and forget spells, it can be very rewarding to devote yourself to an ongoing spell, and to see your continued work bearing fruit.  But if you mostly do ongoing spells, mixing in a few fire and forget spells can feel spontaneous and fun.  You may find, as I did, that you like doing both, but that each method works better for you for specific things.  So give both ways a try, and see how you feel about the way you approach spell crafting.

Help a mom in need

 

When we think of Mother's Day, what normally comes to mind is paying homage to YOUR mother (and maternal line, so grand-mother and so on).  It is often associated with doing something nice for your mom, giving her a 'day off' or just letting her know you appreciate her.

And in a perfect world, everyone would not only have a good relationship with their own mom, but every mom would have the love and respect of their children (and would have earned it by actually caring for them).  And this would extend into the community, so it wouldn't JUST be your direct bloodline that appreciated you and did things to make your life easier, but the whole community you live in.

Sadly, this isn't the case for so many people.  Motherhood can be a lonely and draining role to play, and so many times it is just stacked on top of all the other things a woman is doing, and no accommodations are made for the extra work and stress this puts on her.  Especially for people who don't have close family (either emotionally close or sometimes physically if your family all lives too far away to visit regularly), this can mean a mother never having help or days off.

Mother's day is a great time to look at the people in your life, not just your maternal bloodline, but any mothers you know, and think about something you can do that would make their life a little bit better.  This can be as simple as sending them a message letting them know that you think they are doing a great job (and trust me, even those moms who seem to always be on top of everything will love hearing this!).  You could make a simple gift bag to give to them, maybe a special sweet or snack, but something special just for them (because moms often share everything with their kids).  

If you want to make it something more, maybe offer to help them out in some way.  Take the kids on a playdate, or ask if you can come over and help them tidy up (honestly socializing while you do chores makes them SO much more manageable).  This kind of thing could easily be offered on Mother's day, but set for a date that works for both of you.

The thing about motherhood is that, for basically 18 years (give or take), this is your life.  There are no weekends off, holidays and summers mean more work, not less.  Family vacations are still work (and most mother's don't have the luxury of taking a vacation without their kids).

((I just want to add a little note that I do know that many fathers are wonderful and participate fully in taking care of their kids, and of course there are single fathers who do all the work that a mother would and more....but this is a post about mother's day, and the sad statistics are that mothers end up bearing the brunt of child rearing, even in a two-parent household.  So by all means, apply these suggestions to fathers or parents of any flavor, just help people in need!))

Also, like many holidays, these are things we should stay mindful of the whole year round, not just on Mother's Day.  If you have a friend who is a mom, and you see them struggling, think about how you could help make their life a bit better.  If you see a mom in public who is obviously having a hard time, think about how what you could do to make things easier for her.

They say it takes a village to raise a child, but we don't live in villages anymore.  In many places there is no clear sense of community (tied to a place, like the city you live in), and our family structures have gotten more complicated (plus the fact that many people don't live surrounded by their family as they did before), and so there is this void that leaves people trying to fill all the roles that should be filled by their community on their own, and that can simply be overwhelming.  

So let's bring back that sense of togetherness!  Let's reach out to those in need and lend a hand where we can.  If you are able, think about ways that you can help the mothers you know, and know just how much your help can mean to a mother who is feeling overwhelmed and underappreciated.

Birthday blessings

 

Today is my birthday, and the first thing we often think about, when we consider birthdays is that it's someone's "Special Day."  It's all about me, right?  And while I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with taking time to focus on yourself (and a birthday is the perfect time to have a ME day), I also think that it can be very valuable to spend some time reflecting on all the people (and things and situations...just stuff in general) that make ME who I am.  

 

Because we don't live in a vacuum and I absolutely wouldn't be who I am today without the influence of lot of people, without the formative experiences of my life and the life journey I've been through.  In fact, I personally feel like my birthday celebrations are all about the people in my life...the very people who are wishing me Happy Birthday, the ones who give me gifts or take time out of their day to think of me on mine. And actually, in other countries, the tradition is almost flipped, where the person who's birthday it is bakes treats or gives gifts or hosts a party for their family and friends!

Now, I'm not saying that anyone needs to change their birthday traditions, but taking the time to really appreciate, not just the gifts that you receive but the people who give them to you, can help you enjoy your special day even more..because the gifts are something you only get one day a year, while your friends and family are there every day.

It can be a nice tradition to spend some time on (or around) your birthday to reflect on not only the past year, but also your life to date.  Perhaps, you want to start a birthday book, where each year you write a little bit about how the year felt to you, how you feel about being that one year older, what important things happened that year.  You could also spend some time writing out your thoughts on your life in general, whether you want to delve into events from your childhood, remember friends you have lost contact with (but who were your world at some point in your life), people who have passed on but who impacted you greatly.  This can become something you return to, year after year, and can be fun to read what you have written over the years.

You may want to add in some elements of scrapbooking, tucking in birthday cards, pictures of any celebrations you had, bits of wrapping paper and even a list of presents you received.  You could record any lovely birthday messages, doodle pictures of cake or candles (or whatever reminds you of birthdays and parties).  And, of course, if you prefer digital methods, you could take pictures and upload all of that into whatever digital format suits you best!

A kind of fun way to practice birthday gratitude is to write a list of things you are grateful for....one for every year you have been alive.  I think making lists likes this pushes us to actively look for things to be grateful of (especially if you are like me and pushing towards a half a century of life!), and it can feel challenging at first.  But that's the beauty of practices like this, is that they force you to be specific and to really search for things that make your life better.

A twist on this would be to make a time line of the key events in your life...all those times that shaped you into who you are.  You don't even have to worry about dates, just think about the events that you remember that are important to you.  It's also important to note here that these might be good...or they might be bad.  Traumas definitely change us, and so we may have been through stuff that makes us who we are, that wasn't so fun.  So when making a timeline like this, while it is good to put those traumatic experiences in, it is also important to try to find any kind of silver lining (aka:  seek out any good that came from the situation, even if all you can think of is that you aren't in it anymore).

You could also do a kind of "People who matter to me" tree (think family tree...but all people).  Start by drawing yourself, and then connect yourself to the people who you consider your true inner circle, your besties, the people you absolutely NEED in your life.  Then you can add other people, who maybe are less close friends, but still impact your life.  The closest people might be directly connected to you, but ones further out may be connected through other people (you know, the friend of a friend, or maybe it's your cousin's roommate).  Looking at the web of people who influence your life (and the connections between them) can be a really fascinating way to think about your place in the world.

There are a lot of ways to work a bit of reflection and gratitude into our birthday plans...and equally as many reasons why we might want to do so!  Taking the time to recognize all the things that have contributed to you being you makes you realize just how interconnected we are, and it is hard not to be grateful for all of the things that have helped us become the amazing, unique, wonderful people we are today.