Recent dead

 As we turn towards Samhain, our thoughts turn towards our ancestors and our beloved dead.  It is a time to reconnect, and to work with those who have passed over, to honor them and the role they played in our life while they lived, but also the lingering influence they have now that they are gone.  And while we often honor both the long-dead and the recent-dead, it can be hard to process our emotions with the recent dead, especially those who we were very close to.

I think that navigating the transition from "this is how we related while you were alive" to "this is how we relate now that you are not," can be tricky, and the more recent the crossing, the harder it is to separate the two relationships, but very few people have the same relationship with someone they knew after they pass over.  And that only makes sense, because death is a huge transition....it is one of the biggest changes we go through, and the one that we struggle the most with.

As a living person, there is too much unknown, and we don't know how to handle not knowing.  No matter how much we may feel we understand about what happens on the other side, we don't have any personal experience with it, and so it remains in that nebulous state of uncertainty.  Having someone we care about being in that place can be highly unsettling.  

This is a very different feeling from working with someone who died a long time ago, even if we knew them in life.  We have had time to settle into the new relationship, and we don't have so many fresh memories of them in a different state from where they are now.  It's even easier to work with dead who we never knew, because we have only ever interacted with them as they are.

And, of course, this year we have a new situation, where there are many more recently dead than we are used to, connected in their source of death across the globe and for almost the entirety of this year.  My local group honors those who have crossed over in the past year as part of our Day of the Dead ceremonies (which we will not be doing in person this year, because of the state of things), and if there was a tragedy or other significant instance of group death, we recognize it.

But this year, we are in the unique position of not only having this massive group death connection, but we add in that it is still ongoing.  We aren't out of the woods yet, and may not have even reached the height of it.  This puts a very different outlook on recognizing these specific recent dead, because there is a much bigger threat of it continuing to claim people we care about.

This time of year is always poignant for many of us, but I think this year it will hit even harder.  We are locked in a time of fear and loss and sorrow, and we mourn for more than just the countless people who have passed over this year.  So much has changed, and I think we need to recognize that, as well as taking time to honor the lives lost.

Because this year is so different, on so many levels, I think we need to honor that fact when we honor our dead.  We need to take extra time and care, with ourselves, as we approach this Sabbat, to make sure we are tending our own self-care needs.  We need to be extra kind to the people around us, especially those who are in precarious situations or who have lost loved ones.

And we may find ourselves called to help the newly dead.  I think that anytime a big tragedy strikes, there is a greater need for helpers, both for the living and the dead.  There is so much disinformation about what is actually going on, and so much fear and separation as the end nears, that the passing for many people is not what they may have planned on.

Many people are not able to be with their loved ones in their final moments.  They aren't able to have the religious rituals they prefer, or have the type of passing they may have planned for.  This is very stressful for both the living and those who are passing.  It effects how we handle the transition, from both sides.

This might be a year where you are called to spend more time working with the recent dead.  You may find yourself helping those who have passed who are lost or confused, or angry, at how things unfolded.  You may be helping console the living, who have lost people, or who are struggling with their own fears about death and what may still be coming. 

And as dark as it may feel, this is the time to really tend to these parts of the cycle.  It is the time to sit with our feelings and to work through the issues that come up.  Know that it might take more time this year, it may bring up more reactions, things you didn't even realize were lurking below the surface.  But by taking care in exploring what is there, we can help everyone to adjust and be where they need to be...wherever that is.