Religious freedom

 

 People toss about the phrase 'religious freedom', but most of the time they aren't talking about any kind of religious equality, they are talking about 'freedom' in the sense that it is technically legal to believe in a particular religion...and yet practically speaking, when you try to practice many religions you are met with road blocks, intolerance...and outright hatred.

There are SO many things in our modern world that are frustrating if you aren't a follower of whatever the dominant religion is where you live.  Where I live, that means that anyone who isn't Christian (of some flavor) will get treated as if their religion is less than, or in some cases flat out evil.  It doesn't matter what the tenets of the religion actually are...if it's not the mainstream winner, many people will assume the worst (often because THEIR religion told them that everyone else was wrong).  The really sad thing (in my mind) is that even within the religious majority, different versions of the same religion will denounce each other, so they really do practice "if you don't believe exactly what I do, you are evil and wrong and I need to try to convert you to save your eternal soul....I'm doing this for YOU!!!"  And honestly that's a really messed up way to approach things.

But let's talk practical.  Almost everything that a Christian could do, as part of their religious practice, I can't do.  All the major Christian holidays are recognized as days people will want off, to spend with their families or do religious stuff...but I would have to take personal days to get any of my holidays off.  In a truly equal (and free!) world, then no one's religious holidays would be recognized, but everyone would be able to get the days that are important to them off.

When it comes to religious iconography, we see crosses everywhere, and often full blown Jesus statues in public (or governmental) spaces.  But when I wear my pentacle ring, I have to think about where I am going that day, and who might see it (and react badly to it).  Again, in an equal world, no single religion's iconography should be enshrined in public (non-religious) spaces.  People would be free to wear whatever symbols have meaning to them, and of course religious building would have their symbols displayed....but banks, court rooms, schools and other public spaces that cater to people of all religions wouldn't have any religious symbols displayed (because it is flat out impossible to represent everyone).

And let's talk about talking.  The number of random conversations where God gets thrown in, and people expect that to carry weight with strangers (especially with people who follow other religions), is just insane.  But if I were to mention any deity I work with, either I am ridiculed or told to keep my beliefs out of public view.  I love a good discussion, and I love talking with people of other faiths, but you can't just keep shoving your faith in people's faces and expect them to never share anything about their own.

Probably the worst is when it comes to laws...and the way in which followers of the mainstream religion feel it's okay to use their religious tenants to require everyone to act accordingly.  If the ONLY argument you have for a law (or to oppose a law) is based on a religious text, you shouldn't be allowed to enter into the legal discussion.  It is beyond ridiculous that we have ANY laws that are based on the beliefs of a religion...and yet, there are SO many politicians and even general people who argue based on this logic..MY religion says this is wrong, therefor it should be illegal...because god says so!  I honestly struggle to understand how anyone can have this mindset, but obviously it's pretty common.

And the thing that frustrates me most about this whole religious freedom situation is that I honestly believe that the majority of the people who follow the dominant religion are being deliberately kept uneducated (or maliciously mislead) about what other religions actually do and believe.  They are told horrible things by their religious leaders, in order to keep them in the fold (and to convince them they need to recruit more people to their faith), and it's hard not to see the monetary motivations when we have things like mega-churches and televangelists and one of the 'rules' of the faith involves giving a portion of your income to the church.  The people in power want to stay in power, and one of the biggest tools they have is keeping their flock ignorant.

I think we still have a long way to go, but I can imagine a world where people of all faiths live in harmony.  The first step is mass education.  People need to understand, at least a little, what other faiths believe in and practice.  They need to look beyond the things they have been told (by people outside of any given faith) and instead talk to people who actually walk that path.  Don't ask a Christian what Pagan's do...ask a Pagan!  And then ask a few more, because one point of data isn't enough!

I feel like if we understood each other a little better, we would see the many ways in which religions help people...all kinds of religions.  We would start to learn that there is no 'one true religion' because we are all individuals, and what works for one of us simply can not work for everyone.  And we would be armed with honest information about what other religions do...and not fear mongering rumors intended to make you afraid.

I have always thought that it would be fantastic if your personal religious holidays were honored in the workplace....because I have no problem working on Christmas or Easter, but I would love to have the option of taking Yule or Samhain off!  And spreading out holidays like that means that you are more likely to have people who are willing to work on a day that someone else might feel really bad working on.  

I have hopes that one day (in my lifetime even!) religious freedom will start to actually mean what it implies.  That we will live in a world where it's okay to be whatever religion you are, and where accommodations are made to allow you to live (and work) in a way that aligns with your beliefs...the same way that so many followers of the religious majority already do.

Finding your happiness

 Litha, or Summer solstice is associated with a lot of things, but one of them is happiness.  And I think many of us have become disconnected or disillusioned with the idea of happiness.  Perhaps life has just gotten in the way, and you feel like you are too busy to do things 'just for fun.'  Or maybe you enjoy things that other people don't understand, and so you keep trying to do things that other people tell you should be enjoyable, and you just don't find them that engaging. Whatever the reason, if you are finding that your life feels a bit flat and lacking in joy, maybe you need to spend some time figuring out what happened...and how to bring the happy back into your life!

I think the first step (and possibly the hardest) is to really think about your life.  Look at the stuff you do, and ask yourself if there is joy in your life.  Now, some people are blessed in that they find happiness in their work (in the stuff they do to pay bills....or other 'necessities' of your life, like being a parent or keeping your house tidy), but for many people these tasks are just stuff we have to do to get through the day.  It's not the end of the world if your work doesn't bring you happiness!

But, if your work isn't a source of joy, then you need to have things you can do in your spare time that would bring happiness into your life.  Often this means hobbies, and this is one of the places where we often first start to feel shame for liking the stuff we like.  I've always been a bit of an outlier with my peers, and in school it was pretty obvious I wasn't into the same stuff as the other kids...and they never failed to remind me of that fact!  Even as an adult, many of the things I love doing (like playing games or reading fantasy novels) are often looked down on by other adults.  

Here's the thing though...as long as you aren't hurting anyone (yourself included!), then no one else gets to police your joy!  Of course this is easier said than done, but sometimes simply recognizing the places where you feel both happiness and shame can help you start to break free from those judgemental feelings.

We are lucky to live in a modern world that is super connected (through the internet) and also to have so much information at our fingertips.  I can search for information...or a community...on virtually anything I might have interest in.  Maybe I am not ready to share the things that make me happy with the world at large, but I can find small corners of space where other people like the same things, and we can enjoy them together.  Back when I was in high school, this was a much more limited thing (even though it was still possible, if you dug deep enough!) and I can not even explain how freeing it is to be able to join social media groups that connect me with other people who share a joy that I have.

The other great thing about finding communities of like minded people is that not everyone is going to share your enjoyment of something (just as you won't enjoy everything that someone else suggests to you), and so having a space where you can gush about whatever makes you happy means that your enjoyment isn't being dampened by people who don't get it.  It's just so much better to have an audience who appreciates whatever new shiny thing you are excited about.

I think another important thing to keep in mind is that we aren't going to like everything we try...and that's okay.  It's perfectly fine to try something new, and not enjoy it...and then to stop doing it.  Maybe you have a friend who is really into a thing, and they keep asking you to try it with them, assuring you that you will love it.  But when you try it, you decide it's not for you.  Maybe you even feel a little guilty for not enjoying it as much as your friend, and you think about pretending you enjoy it just to spend time with them.  Most of the time, admitting it's just not your thing will end up being better for your friendship...because your friend can find other people who DO love the same thing, but the two of you can find something else that you both enjoy doing together.

 

It's also okay to enjoy things in a slightly different way than other people.  Maybe you don't want to play a particular game...but you really like watching other people play it.  Don't let anyone tell you that the way you enjoy a thing is wrong...if it makes you happy, then that is the important part!  In a similar thought, if there are modifications you have to make so that you can enjoy a thing...do them!  I don't particularly enjoy just sitting in the sun or swimming in the ocean...but I am quite happy searching the sand for shells, and that turns what would be a tedious beach day into something I can enjoy.

As we move through the sunny peak of our yearly cycle, take some time to consider how happy you are in your life.  And think about ways to tuck more joy into your regular schedule.  Because we can all use more happiness!

Breaking Dad stereotypes

 

We live in a world that is still tilted towards the masculine, and yet the role of Father is one that is still full of confusion and apprehension.  For some reason, the idea of men and kids just doesn't compute for a lot of people, and they assume that any man needs to be taught to be a Father (while women just naturally 'know' how to be mothers...which is problematic in it's own right, but not the topic of today's blog!)  But also, a lot of the things that we still teach men about what it means to be a man feels like it is in direct conflict with what we talk about when it comes to good parenting.

 

And I think a part of that is that we are in a place in history where we are unlearning what traditional gender roles are and trying to break into a new way of navigating the world.  Many people are already working through their issues with traditional masculine behaviors and attitudes, but they still may be at a loss when it comes to parenting.

 

One of the first things I think we need to talk about is the role of Fatherhood.  Fatherhood is simply put, the act of being a father, but even though we have different words for a male parent versus a female one, the 'duties of fatherhood' are not intrinsically different from the 'duties of motherhood'.  In fact, I go so far as to flat out say that it doesn't matter your gender, you are a parent, and being a father isn't that different from being a mom.

 

Especially when you look at something like single parenthood.  Many people talk about it as if the single parent is 'taking on the roles of both mother and father', but we have lots of examples, from around the world, about the different ways in which we parent.  Many families break the 'traditional' gender roles when it comes to parenting, because that is what works for their family.

 

Some of the things that we used to link to fatherhood are:  being a provider, being a disciplinarian, teaching your son's to be men (while it was the mother's job to teach daughters to be women).  But in a world where it isn't always the man (or only the man) that is working to provide for the family, this narrative falls apart in the real world because it limits a parent in how they parent based on their gender.

I would argue that part of being a good parent is seeing to your children's needs.  This includes things like providing for them (because obviously kids need things that cost money), setting up boundaries (and using appropriate discipline to help your kids learn the rules of society).  Honestly, I think we can get rid of teaching our boys/girls to be men/women and instead just teach our kids how to adult.

And this circles right back around to dismantling gender stereotypes.  Yes, there are some biological things that kids growing up will need to learn how to manage.  Periods, shaving, puberty, sex education...these are ALL things that can actually be helped by busting through gender binaries and teaching all kids about how different people experience things.  Speaking as someone who had periods, if every kid at school had been taught how periods worked, and to be kind about issues that might come up with them, things would have been a lot less stressful...and I'm sure the same could be said about erections or voice changes.

I also think a big part of growing up is learning how to manage things like emotions, stress, setbacks and any number of other things that we have to face as a part of adult (and even kid) life.  And the old ways, where men were expected to keep everything inside and always put on a strong face isn't serving anyone.  So why would we want to push this mentality onto our children?

 

Parenthood starts with love.  We love our kids, and we want the best for them.  We want them to grow up to be healthy adults, able to pursue the life they want to live and become the people they want to be.  And we get there by being who our kids need us to be.  That might mean listening to them cry over their most recent heartbreak or showing them how to change a tire on the car.  It may mean learning to style hair the way they want, helping them find exercise that they love or showing them how to cook their favorite foods.  It is teaching all of them, regardless of gender, how to live on their own, which means being able to take care of themselves and their home.

It also means encouraging everyone to step up and take responsibility for their actions....which definitely includes being a father to any kids you have helped create.  I'm very much oversimplifying here, but every kid deserves to be loved, and it is your responsibility, as a parent, to put your kid's well being above your feelings about your ex.  No kid ever wants to feel like they aren't loved because their parents can't get along.

And while biology can make you a father, it doesn't take biology to be a father.  Anyone who steps into the parent role with a loving heart will be an amazing parent!  The child you help raise might not be related to you, and in some ways that requires even more love and dedication (though I bet that most parent's in this situation will tell you that they don't think of it this way, they just love their kid like everyone else).

Even if you aren't a father, you can help support fathers who are trying to become more than what they were taught to be.  You can help them learn new things that will enable them to connect with and be responsible for their kids in ways that might not come naturally to them.  You can be there for them when they are having a rough time, and you can reassure them that their best is absolutely enough, and that even if they make mistakes, if their heart is in the right place, their kids will know.

We are all in this journey of life together, and we can't become better if we don't help each other.  So whether you are a father or not, you know one.  Maybe we need to all take some time to really think about what we expect from fathers....and what we should expect.

Modern Hearth worship

 

Many cultures honor a hearth deity, and the hearth used to be the heart of the home.  It was a source of heat and used for cooking, often being seen as the heart of the home.  But in modern times, we don't have the same reliance on the hearth, and in fact our cooking and heating are not only done by different sources, but they are relatively simple to use (as in we don't have to chop and haul wood or tend the fire all day).  So the hearth has lost some of it's power and magic in our lives.

And as a result of that, I feel like we often don't see our homes in the same way that our ancestors might.  We have made so many changes to the world, and so many technological advancements to make life better and easier, but in doing so we have lost some of the reverence for the things that are central to our well being.

Our home is much more than simply a container to keep the elements off of us.  It is our own personal sanctuary.  The space we cultivate to be comfortable and safe for us.  We decorate it to our tastes, and we keep all the stuff that's important to us here.  It is where we recover from the world, where we rest and where we prepare to face the day.

 

But a lot of people don't embrace the idea of home as much as they could.  They decorate their home in a way that they think makes them look good (to friends and family...and online strangers), they don't customize it in ways that really work for them (either because they rent and can't do a lot of customization or they are considering resale value and too much variation from the 'norm' is less desirable).  

Our home should serve us, in the sense that we should make accommodations where we can, so that our home suits us and our lifestyle.  When our son moved out on his own, we adjusted our space so it suited the two of us...because we were the ones that lived here.  Our living room furniture is giant bean bag chairs...because that is what we find comfortable.  Our 'spare room' is a game room, which means we don't have a guest room (but we also really don't have space to dedicate a space to having people stay over...when we almost never have people stay over!)

When I think about the heart of my home, I don't think of the stove.  Often, I feel the heart of our home is our living room...because that is where we spend the bulk of our time.  Sometimes I think of our laundry 'room' (it's a little closet with the washer/drier in it) the heart of our home...because it's literally in the center of the house (so if I want to do a house blessing, I'll always include the laundry room, and that's often where I'll tuck things to effect the whole house).

I also view cleaning as a hearth worship activity (which makes it slightly more tolerable to clean...because I'm doing it to show affection and respect for my home).  Both the regular every day kind of cleaning but also when I notice those cobwebs in the corner or smudges on the wall and I want to make our home as nice looking as possible...not for outsiders, but because it is OUR home.

I think having a dedicated home altar space is nice, but not everyone can do it.  Maybe you don't have a lot of space or maybe not everyone in the house would approve of (or understand) a home altar.  It's okay to not keep a dedicated space, or to have discrete home altars.  Even though hubby is aware of (and supports) my beliefs, I try not to dominate our house with only Pagan stuff (because he lives here too!), so I don't have a dedicated home altar.  Instead I have an offering bowl on top of the fridge, I tuck crystals into cupboards and tuck symbols behind pictures.  

But I think of my house as it's own being, and I talk to them (especially as I'm cleaning).  I try to be aware of how our house energy feels, and when it starts to feel off, I'll spend some time working with the house spirit to get things sorted out and good again.  

I feel like one of the most important things to remember is to not take your home for granted.  For those of us lucky enough to have never been homeless, it is easy to assume we will always have a home.  It is easy to come home and enjoy all that our home has to offer...without actually acknowledging our home spirit.  But learning to consider the spirit of your home, to think about where the heart of it is, to find ways to give back to our home (through cleaning and improvements)...this is what brings it's hearth to life!